Latest / SAY GRACE | Weight Loss + Health for Overwhelmed Women- Stress, Busy, Consistency, Realistic, Motivation, Starting Over, No Restrictions / What my Mammaw taught me about food.. and a lot of other things

Transcript

What my Mammaw taught me about food.. and a lot of other things · SAY GRACE | Weight Loss + Health for Overwhelmed Women- Stress, Busy, Consistency, Realistic, Motivation, Starting Over, No Restrictions

0:00
Music.
0:39
Okay, y'all, so if you follow me on social, you saw that my grandmother passed
0:47
away, my mamaw, and now this episode will be coming out a couple weeks after I recorded it.
0:54
So for me in real time, it was a little over a week ago.
0:59
And like, I had this idea to do this podcast last week, but y'all,
1:03
my gosh, I was so much in my feels.
1:07
Like I could hardly talk to my family without just randomly,
1:11
you know, like not even about when I'm all just like randomly,
1:13
like my emotions were just on my sleeve, you know what I mean, all week long.
1:18
And so I'm like, better not do it last week.
1:21
You know, I don't know that I could have gotten through it. But even still,
1:24
I mean, this week, it's probably,
1:26
you know, I just I wanted to do it fresh enough stuff because, you know,
1:32
the beautiful thing about death is it brings all these memories to the surface
1:39
and like things that in my 38 years, y'all, I just don't sit around and think about.
1:43
And so then when the memories are there, I'm like, oh, my gosh,
1:46
I've got to do something with it, you know.
1:48
But I think for the for the most part, like the main reason that I wanted to
1:55
do this episode is when I am,
1:57
you know, now that I am thinking about all these memories, I've known this about
2:00
my mama and myself and everything my whole
2:04
life well my whole adult life for sure but while
2:07
I'm immersed in the memories and everything feels a little more tender
2:10
you know it has helped me realize like oh my gosh so much of her and like what
2:20
we did and and how things were in my family are like deeply ingrained in me, you know, deeply.
2:30
And so that is a beautiful thing because I think a lot of that is what has helped create who I am,
2:40
how I am, and the way I run and have designed this program that has helped so many.
2:49
And if you've been around a long time, you have heard
2:51
me say like Christmas and
2:54
Thanksgiving and all these special holidays and events are
2:58
not the time to say no I'm
3:01
not gonna have my mammals dressing or
3:04
my mammals or you know bread pudding or
3:07
whatever it is right like y'all have heard me say that and
3:10
like a lot of people especially in the beginning would say no one's
3:13
ever said that to me before like when I'm trying to lose weight
3:16
everybody says be strong you know get willpower don't don't have your tempting
3:23
foods and like you sit here and you say don't walk away from your mama's homemade
3:28
dressing you know what I mean and so it's very different and so I think I mean
3:32
I'm so I've clearly always been this way but like.
3:35
I don't know. I just thought it would be special to number one,
3:37
honor her and some of the memories that I have from her.
3:40
And I think you guys will be able to see like how it's very woven into who I am and how I am.
3:46
But also I think I'm not the only one, right? Like I'm in the South.
3:52
A lot of my listeners and clients are in the South as well.
3:56
And like food is not a joke around here and food is very tied to memories and
4:03
love and family and all of this.
4:07
And so I think it's really important to acknowledge that because if we don't,
4:13
if we act like, oh, food should just be for fuel and food is food and whatever,
4:17
like you clearly didn't have a memo like I did, number one.
4:21
But number two, you know, if that's not what you truly feel and truly believe at your core,
4:28
then you will go the
4:31
opposite way right like you will revert back
4:35
to the habits that you know which is food is
4:38
more than just fuel if you food is all the feels all the emotions all the love
4:43
all the family all you know what i mean and so food is celebration food is stress
4:49
reliever food is like in the title of or in the intro of this podcast right
4:53
we say you know it's never just about the food.
4:56
And that's what this is about today. Like how it's not just about,
5:01
oh, that food has a lot of sugar and a lot of calories and I'm trying to lose
5:06
weight. So common sense says I shouldn't eat that, right?
5:09
Well, freaking duh. But like, we're all still out here trying to run this race and lose this weight.
5:15
And so I think it's just important to like bring it all to light.
5:18
And so My, my, my mom, this is my dad's mom.
5:23
And now my, both my mom's parents have passed.
5:26
They passed several years ago, but, um, and that was very traumatic for us too,
5:30
you know, but they lived in Michigan and, um,
5:35
you know, they came and we visited and we saw them a lot, but it just,
5:38
they weren't as a part of my day-to-day just because of the location,
5:42
you know, but with that being said, like my grandfather, so my mom's dad was also super into food.
5:50
Like, it's so fun. Like he, his, his dad owned a candy shop.
5:55
And so he like, I'm talking homemade candy. I'm not talking about like M&Ms.
5:59
Like, so like caramels, peanut brittle, like all the good, like homemade candy.
6:04
And then of course, baked goods as well.
6:06
And so we learned a lot of that from him. And that was some of our best memories, mine and my sisters,
6:11
of when we would get together with them, when we would go to Michigan or they
6:14
would come here, we would make caramels and make peanut brittle and just make
6:18
all kinds of things, like all kinds, whatever he felt like, you know,
6:21
depending on the season.
6:22
And so I do get a lot of this from that side as well.
6:27
My memories with, you know, my grandparents in Michigan is like my mama,
6:32
I mean, my Yaya, that's my mom's mom.
6:34
She had like a real fancy dining room table and we would pull out the china
6:39
and we would, you know, drink from with real, real glass glasses when I was
6:43
just a little girl. And this was breakfast.
6:46
Like we would, you know, we would just sit down and have like a fancy, nice breakfast.
6:51
And so, you know, even with that, like a lot of my, my love and my memories
6:56
of people that are important in my life come from food.
7:00
But with my mamaw, she was not even, I mean, I would say, I guess,
7:06
five minutes from my house my whole life.
7:09
So my mamaw lived five minutes up the road.
7:12
My aunt, who is my dad's sister, lived on the same street.
7:17
My other aunt, who is my dad's cousin, lived on the same street.
7:23
And then her mother lived on the same street. So my mamaw's sister lived on
7:27
the same street as all of us.
7:28
So we were all up in each other's business and lives growing up, right?
7:34
And obviously like any family that would have some kind of like,
7:39
you know, I'm sure there was like drama and whatever, but like the main memories
7:44
I have, right, is just always having my family around and available.
7:49
And so this side of the family, my mamaw, her last, her maiden name was Martin.
7:54
And there were so many of them. There were so many sisters and one brother, bless his heart.
7:59
And so the Martin sisters, they loved to cook and bake.
8:05
Now, some of them loved it more than others, but they all knew how,
8:08
right? Because my mama, Martin, taught them.
8:11
And so from the jump, I don't remember.
8:18
A time where like food wasn't involved.
8:22
Okay. And so my mama was one of the last to pass away.
8:27
She's got one more sister still here on this earth. And she was 90 and she had had some health.
8:34
Like she fell back in the spring and had to go to a rehab facility for her ankle.
8:39
And like, y'all, she hated it there, obviously.
8:42
But like she did what she needed to do.
8:46
And she got out because she was ready to go back home with my papaw.
8:49
Her and my papaw, both at 90 years old, lived at home.
8:53
Okay. Now, they did have some help coming in every now and then,
8:57
but like for the most part, they were very independent.
8:59
My papaw still drives, I mean, all over the town, you know.
9:03
And so to be 90, y'all, I mean, it was incredible. And so the fact that my mamaw,
9:09
got out of that room, I mean, we were nervous, obviously, at first, right?
9:12
Like what's going to happen? She broke her ankle. She's bedridden.
9:15
Like, is she going to give up? You know, that kind of thing.
9:18
But she got out and did not her full 90 days, got out and was back home with my papaw.
9:22
And they were navigating, you know, adjustments, you know, because she was less
9:27
mobile, obviously, but was fine.
9:30
And then went to bed one night, she did not feel good and went to bed one night and did not wake up.
9:37
And so it was a, I mean, it just wasn't like, it was a shock.
9:42
I mean, It wasn't, we didn't expect it, right?
9:45
And so anyway, last week was very hard for me and my family.
9:53
And honestly, it is the first time I've experienced like such a close to home
9:59
death for someone like just so ingrained in me as an adult.
10:04
I mean, my aunt died when I was in the fourth grade and that was very traumatic,
10:08
but I was a kid trying to navigate that.
10:10
You know what I mean? And we've had, you know, of course, some loss,
10:14
you know, here and there.
10:16
Jess's grandparents, I loved them dearly. But again, like I knew them for only so many years.
10:21
Right. So so this has just been a little different for me to navigate as an
10:25
adult and then also navigating.
10:26
I put this on social media, like watching my daughter, watching Sarah Mason.
10:31
She's about to be 10. She will be 10 when this episode comes out.
10:34
And that's when I lost my aunt.
10:37
Right. And so I like that was very traumatic for me.
10:41
As a child. And so I'm like, oh my gosh, so zoned in on Sarah Mason.
10:47
Like, are you, are you okay?
10:48
You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. And so death is like a real life thing, y'all.
10:52
And people deal with it every day. And I have said, sorry,
10:55
I've said, I'm sorry to so many people in my life because I have,
10:59
again, I have not experienced it to such a depth up until this point that I
11:05
guess I just did not realize how deeply it rocks you. You know, like I just did not,
11:11
Like it just like wrecks you, you know what I mean?
11:16
Like struggled to function and I really didn't care to function.
11:19
You know, it was like I was under a fog for a solid week.
11:22
And thankfully it was like literally just a few days ago I came out from under
11:28
it. But of course still very much grieving.
11:30
But okay, so all this to say, my mamaw has a lot of sisters.
11:36
And we do a family reunion every year with that side of the family.
11:41
And growing up there was like it was just such a
11:43
special bond we in in this
11:46
side of the family we started this because there's so
11:49
many of us and so many like we started this tradition
11:52
for baby showers and wedding showers where like one
11:56
family of whichever sister whoever's turn
12:00
it was they would host the shower for whoever's shower
12:03
it needed to be so like when I got married one
12:06
of the sisters families hosted a shower when
12:09
I had Sarah Mason another one of the sisters families
12:12
hosted the shower you know like we it's like a whole
12:15
operation because there's so many of us and we've
12:18
continued that tradition even though you know most of the sisters
12:21
are gone we have continued that and so I
12:24
think it's something just so special to note that
12:27
like on my wedding shower I got
12:30
so many kitchen things and hope y'all
12:33
hilariously like hilariously a
12:37
lot of the things I had like registered for they bought
12:41
what they thought I needed instead like brand wise and like you know they were
12:48
like oh no I saw that you registered for this but this is what you need and
12:51
like to this day Jess and I got married 14 years ago and I still have a hand
12:54
mixer that my aunt was like, it's one of my mom's sisters.
12:58
She was like, I know you didn't register for this, but you need this.
13:00
I promise. And she is sure right, y'all. I use that hand mixer all the time.
13:05
And so it's just, you know, it's just, it's like the roots run deep,
13:10
I guess is what I'm trying to say.
13:11
And a lot of it is based around food.
13:16
And so my aunt, Bae, who is one of the sisters' daughters, one of the sisters
13:21
who's already passed her daughter, the one who lived on my same street.
13:26
She has this tradition, which, gosh, y'all, it has to be the hardest thing ever.
13:30
I mean, I'm just like, you, like, I hope y'all don't try to pass this tradition
13:35
down to me because that is so, oh my gosh, you have to have a different level of strength.
13:40
But she collects, anytime anyone passes away, she collects memories from the
13:46
family members and then reads them aloud at the service, you know, before the burial.
13:54
And so my mamaw's service, y'all, lasted like over an hour between her reading
14:00
memories and then, of course, the preacher talking.
14:03
And it was just the most precious stuff. Like when I was thinking of my memories,
14:08
of course, my mind went crazy.
14:10
Certain places. Right. And then, but like to hear my cousins and all their memories
14:15
too, I was like, Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about that.
14:17
And I totally forgot about that. You know, like, it's just so fun to like hear.
14:21
And so reflecting on all that, it's just been really powerful for me to like
14:27
realize, Oh my gosh, like, again, like I said earlier, I've always known, but like.
14:33
Dang, like I am like, this is why I am the way I am about food.
14:37
This is why And I could have never been the cookie cutter dietician who like
14:43
only eats, you know, fruits, vegetables and lean meats and really like shames
14:46
you out of anything else. And like I know I now I realize like why.
14:52
Like I've always known that I'm that way, but like I had no chance of being
14:56
any way different, you know.
14:58
And so I was just going to reflect on some of my memories today.
15:02
Actually, I had a sweet PFM Plus client that was like, I really wish you would do that.
15:05
Like before I even said I was going to do it. And so I feel like if anything, you know,
15:10
again, it'll help you understand more of who I am and what I'm about and why,
15:14
but also like helping you to allow yourself to remember who you are and like
15:23
what you're about and why. Like, why?
15:27
Maybe you've tried to cut carbs 100 times and it never lasts.
15:31
You know, like, what, why? You know, and so hearing some of my memories and
15:35
how they're connected to the way I practice food, really,
15:40
and then helping you to then in turn understand how that's probably not those
15:45
types, like that way may not be the best route for you,
15:48
you know, because of your past and your history and the memories you have and how,
15:52
you know, at the root of it, we will always choose comfort
15:57
over what like
16:00
some strict you know what someone tells us
16:03
we have to do to reach a goal like we're probably you know more likely to choose
16:06
comfort and and the more deep-rooted it is right like the more at our core and
16:14
defining who we are it is the harder it's going to be and I I personally do not feel like,
16:21
yes, if it's like, if it's trauma,
16:24
you know, we can get therapy and like really come up with ways to cope, right?
16:28
But if it's simple things like on Christmas, you can't forego the breakfast
16:34
casserole or whatever it is, like then why not just honor our loved ones that way?
16:38
You know what I mean? So anyway, okay, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna get started.
16:41
So some memories from my mammal.
16:44
Okay, specifically around food. I got a few more that but mainly, mainly food y'all.
16:48
So at holidays, like I said, we did family reunion, but we also did every holiday
16:53
at my mom's up until she was like.
16:56
Literally, probably around when COVID hit is when we stopped that.
16:59
So she was like 85-ish before we quit having Thanksgiving at her house,
17:05
Christmas at her house, New Year's Day at her house.
17:08
Y'all, she would make a New Year's Day spread.
17:11
And like lunch was the time usually, but it didn't matter.
17:16
Like if you couldn't make lunch, she expected your tail there at some point
17:20
or another to get, you know, the sweet potatoes and the greens and all the good luck stuff, right?
17:26
And so the same thing at Christmas and Thanksgiving, like it was just a counter
17:30
full of food always at her house.
17:32
And one thing about my mamaw is, is there was never really anything store-bought.
17:39
She made everything from scratch.
17:42
And so if it was store-bought, you knew that it was good.
17:47
Like, you know, I asked her one time about making biscuits.
17:50
I'm like, mamaw, I have not, like, we have made so many things.
17:53
But like, what about biscuits? Like, I don't have a homemade biscuit recipe
17:57
from you. And she said, Constance, I used to make homemade biscuits when I had to.
18:02
But now Pillsbury, the Pillsbury frozen biscuits, she said, those are just as
18:07
good as anything I ever made. And they are easy.
18:09
You know, so like if it was store bought, you knew she had vetted it, you know.
18:13
And so it was just always more food than we could ever imagine.
18:19
So everybody always knew they were bringing some home and it was usually homemade.
18:23
And it was usually my mom made most of it.
18:25
Of course, as she got older and most of us like learned to make more things
18:29
like her and whatever, we took on some of that. But.
18:35
For the most part, it was homemade. And so this is another, like,
18:40
Jess made this connection on the way home from the funeral last week.
18:45
He said, now I really understand you.
18:48
Like, now I get it. Because I guess hearing all the memories and hearing how
18:51
everyone kept referring back to mamaw's home-cooked food, right?
18:55
He said, I mean, my family, like, we had food and like, we cooked or whatever
19:00
he said, but the home cooked part, like the, the from scratch part just wasn't
19:06
really like a thing for them, you know?
19:10
And he has, we have always struggled like around holidays when I'm like,
19:14
I got to make this, this, this, this, this.
19:16
And like, it's all from scratch. It's all, you know, a kind of a production. It's kind of a big to do.
19:20
And then he sees me stressed and he's like, why do you do this to yourself?
19:23
Like he literally has not been able to understand and so
19:27
he's like now I get it you know like now I see that
19:30
the effort and like the home
19:33
cooked part of it like it's the love
19:36
like you know that putting in the time putting in the effort putting in you
19:41
know whatever the ingredients sourcing even right like to you that means that
19:48
that's your your act of love right is like if I y'all it hurts my soul even
19:53
when we have people over for dinner.
19:55
I'm like, I cannot pick up like a frozen side dish or whatever.
20:00
Like I struggle so bad with that.
20:02
I want everything to be made from scratch.
20:05
And now I will say that I've had to work on that, right? Because like on last
20:08
episode, I talked about how I get really overwhelmed and overstimulated and
20:12
I'm really trying to unravel some of that.
20:14
And so I'm like, okay, what can I pick up, you know, that won't hurt my soul
20:19
so bad? But like, that's me as a 38 year old.
20:23
When I was 28 and I hardly, I was just getting comfortable in the kitchen and
20:27
I was working all the time and I had a newborn and like all the things, right?
20:31
Like I was still trying to do this scratch made whatever.
20:35
And it was at that point in our marriage, it was a big deal.
20:38
Jess was like, I do not understand, you know.
20:41
And so now he's like, okay, I do understand. Now I get it because you're my mom.
20:47
That's how it was. You know, everything was, first of all, excessive.
20:52
We always have too much over here. Anything I fix is too much.
20:55
And my neighbor knows it because I'm always like, hey, I've got all this extra chest squares I made.
21:02
Send them to your house. I hope you try not to lose or not trying to lose weight.
21:06
But now he understands, right, how deep, how deep that is for me.
21:11
And so another thing that, you know, about that, about it just being, you know,
21:17
homemade and homegrown, really, like my mamaw sister who lived up the road,
21:23
she had her husband really had a big garden.
21:26
And so like, again, from the time I was very little, especially in the summer,
21:31
I would be down there like helping in the garden, shelling peas, whatever.
21:34
And so my mamaw, again, she was five minutes away. So she would come get some
21:38
of the garden stuff and can it all and put it all up.
21:41
And so all this just like fresh homegrown stuff is very interwoven in me.
21:46
But with that being said, right, it wasn't always like healthy and light.
21:54
Like there was a lot of fried okra going on up in my life, you know,
21:58
there was a lot of baked desserts, you know, and that it didn't just mean because
22:04
it was homegrown and homemade that it was healthy. So a lot of it was not low calorie.
22:09
And that's never my intention when I make things from scratch.
22:13
Like I want it to be full of love, full of good ingredients,
22:17
but I'm not usually thinking like also low calorie.
22:20
You know, I honestly struggle to like get things out of my garden and say,
22:24
okay, how am I going to keep this light? You know what I mean?
22:27
And so that is, you know, something to just note that like, just because it's
22:33
fresh and homegrown and like this whole Instagram vibe, you know,
22:37
in a sense, it doesn't mean it's healthy or low calorie, you know?
22:42
And so I do feel like that has been one of my focuses is to try my best to make
22:48
it that way for people like me, for people who did grow up around all this kind of food, you know.
22:56
So with that, you know, another thing that,
23:00
Just specific foods that really, really stand out and stood out for me as a
23:04
kid is her banana pudding, her chest squares, which my husband is obsessed with,
23:10
and Coke cake. Y'all, I love some Coke cake.
23:13
Like, if you've not made it, you need to look up a recipe or I'll send you my mamas. It is so good.
23:19
And so these are three that just have really always stood out for me.
23:22
And so like, if those three are in the room, or like, there's a handful of others
23:28
as well. But if those three are in the room, like, I'm going to have it.
23:31
I don't care if I am five pounds overweight like I am right now after all this
23:36
holiday travel or this summer travel and then this grief that I've been going through.
23:40
Like, I don't care if I'm five pounds overweight.
23:43
Like, I'm still going to have it. You know what I mean? I don't care if it takes
23:46
me over on my tracking today. I'm still going to have it.
23:48
And so that is like because that memory is so tied to my memo, right?
23:53
Like, those things are hers. They're her recipe. They are her.
23:57
And so like for me to say I'm not going to have it, first of all,
24:00
I want it because it tastes good. It's my favorite. But it's also like I'm never going to reject that.
24:05
But, you know, I don't care how skinny I want to be or whatever.
24:09
Like I'm never going to reject that. And I would never ask you to do the same.
24:12
Right. If it's like a memory of someone you love, because the memory and the
24:17
love is way deeper rooted than any goal.
24:22
Temporary, short term, right, goal that you've got set. But because the truth
24:26
is, you know, like the depths are different, right?
24:32
And a lot of times weight loss is about how we look on the outside.
24:36
Of course, it's about how we feel on the inside, but or feel physically, right?
24:40
It's about how we look and how we feel physically, which are important.
24:45
But how we feel emotionally, it's just it's a lot stronger, you know?
24:51
And so I can't say like no to the banana pudding in the name of how I feel physically.
24:57
You know what I'm saying?
24:58
And so with that, I will say I have taken a few of my mama's recipes and knocked
25:03
them off to make them PFN friendly. Okay.
25:06
And so if you're a PFN member, the banana pudding, which is one of our very
25:10
first recipes, like it's way down on the app. The banana pudding is...
25:15
A remake of hers. And I will be so honest, y'all, when I make banana pudding,
25:19
which is not very often because I do, I kind of limit that for holidays like
25:23
that. It's just banana pudding to me again is love.
25:26
So I make it on Thanksgiving and Christmas, Easter, you know, those kinds of things.
25:31
But her poppy seed chicken, I remade to be lighter.
25:35
And most recently, what I was saying about the banana pudding is when I do make
25:41
it, I don't make it skinny.
25:44
And I made, I did the remake because I know a lot of people love it as just like a little snack.
25:49
Like a lot of my clients keep it in their refrigerator and just like have a
25:53
little bit, you know, if they have a sweet tooth, but I don't keep it like that.
25:56
So I do make it like full fat, full everything.
25:58
But the skinny version is pretty dang good if you, if you are one that wants to keep it.
26:02
But anyway, her poppy seed chicken. And then most recently it literally came
26:06
out just a few weeks ago is her coleslaw.
26:09
I lightened that up. And so who knows what's next, but another just memory is
26:16
waffles on the weekends at her house in the morning.
26:19
She would call us randomly and say, hey, y'all want to come over?
26:22
I'm fixing waffles. And we would come over and we would just sit there and eat with Mama and Papa.
26:26
And then we go back home. And like, that is such a special memory to have to
26:30
like, not, you know, not many families live that close.
26:34
I know I don't live that close to my parents, like I know, you know,
26:36
my kids spend the night there a lot, but, and at my in-laws a lot,
26:41
but like, we don't have that ability to just run over there in the mornings
26:44
to eat breakfast, you know?
26:46
And so that is a super special memory that I'll always have.
26:50
And like, it's one that literally my kid's first day of school,
26:54
I'm like, I'm passing this memory down.
26:57
So I'm making waffles for breakfast, her waffles.
27:00
And so I will continue to do that. And again, And regardless of the weight that
27:06
it might cause me to gain or the calories or whatever, like I will figure out
27:09
how to navigate it the best I can, but I'm still going to do it.
27:13
Like I'm not going to not do it.
27:14
You know, one thing that I really, I have always wanted to be this way,
27:20
but y'all, I am the one that's at the house.
27:22
Okay. I'm the one here all the time. I'm the one that would eat it is my mama
27:26
always had a cake plate with dessert in it.
27:32
So it was like every week she would make, and now I know it was this way when
27:35
my dad and my aunts were little, but like even still when everybody was gone
27:39
and it was just her and my papa at the house, she would always have dessert.
27:43
Like, right, like you would not go to mamaw's house and not have had something
27:48
to eat out of her cake plate thing. Cause you just never knew what it was going to be.
27:52
Sometimes it was an actual cake. Sometimes it was bars of some sort,
27:56
brownie, that type of thing.
27:57
But there was just always dessert when you walked in her house.
28:00
And I'm like, Oh, I desire to be that way. Like that's so Pinterest,
28:04
you know, like it's such a Pinterest visual.
28:06
But then I'm like, no, because I would eat all the brownies and nobody else
28:10
would get any, you know, like, and then I'd be the one, you know,
28:13
gaining the weight. But that is just such a sweet memory.
28:16
And again, I have been walking in her house since I was a child and doing this.
28:24
And even as an adult, right, like I would go over there as an adult and not
28:28
have planned for 200 calories in a chess square.
28:31
But they were there, baby. So, you know, I'm going to eat them,
28:34
you know, and this is something that I've had to learn how to navigate my whole
28:37
life, like my whole entire life, you know, from a teenager on, like,
28:42
okay, you know my mom's food is gonna be there and so how am I gonna approach
28:47
it and what am I willing to flex on and what am I willing you know not willing
28:51
to um another thing another just memory and really like thing that I feel like
28:57
she she instilled in me is confidence in cooking.
29:01
Especially early on so early on I would try recipes and I would call her I would
29:06
FaceTime her and I'd be like mom and this was like when Jess and I were like
29:09
just getting married and I I was trying to be like, you know, Martha Stewart wife.
29:13
And I would say, hey, like, can you look at this?
29:16
Like, what's what do I need to do? What's wrong with it? Like, does this look right?
29:20
You know, and she'd give me tips. Like she would say, OK, you need to mix it
29:24
a little less or you need to cook it a little less or whatever it was.
29:28
Or she would tell me like, OK, I buy this kind of whatever it was, like a specific brand.
29:36
And then it's been really sweet because well
29:41
okay let me let me continue so she so now right
29:45
now as we as I've gotten older and she's got
29:48
she had gotten older I started fixing food
29:51
and taking it over there every now and then yeah like they live like
29:54
45 minutes from us so it was just not as easy as I
29:57
wish it would be but she did like her mobility
30:00
kind of changed and my bad ball was
30:03
in charge of of dinner which lord i mean she'd
30:06
been cooking for that man since he was 17 years old they y'all
30:09
they were married for 73 years i mean
30:12
insane talk about a love story and so she's always done it and but then of course
30:18
she became less mobile and so he's having to figure this out so anyway i would
30:21
make i would make food and keep it in the freezer over there for them for him
30:26
to be able to just thaw and cook and she would always call me.
30:31
You know, or have him call me and say, oh, we had the whatever,
30:35
you know, and it was so good.
30:37
They really loved my PFN ladies. They really loved the million dollar spaghetti.
30:41
And I would freeze it into like containers that were just enough for them.
30:45
And my gosh, one batch of my recipe on the app makes a lot of little small servings
30:51
that you can send and freeze.
30:53
So if you've got like grandparents or even like new moms, that's a really good one.
30:57
It freezes really well and they loved that one and so they would just call her
31:01
they would text or they would say you know that it was so good like she was
31:04
always working to give me confidence in food and and you know giving me help
31:10
when I needed help with food you know and so it's been really sweet because.
31:15
She has been doing the started doing the same thing with Sarah Mason so Sarah
31:20
Mason has really gotten into baking and she will bake things and we we will
31:25
you know either my somehow my parents we'll get it to them or we'll take it over there or whatever.
31:30
And so she was just always really sweet about like messaging me or calling us
31:36
to make sure Sarah Mason knew how good her brownies were or whatever we made.
31:42
During COVID, my mom all turned, I guess it was 85 during COVID.
31:47
And so we were really nervous about getting around them, obviously,
31:51
because they were older. And but it was their birthday and we knew they were lonely.
31:55
Like they had just been up until that point, they had really been bebopping
31:58
a lot and just seeing us all a lot.
32:01
And so we had a birthday party for her in the front yard at her house.
32:06
And it was so we social distanced outside, you know, but still had her birthday
32:11
party, like tons of the family came and Sarah Mason and I made a big chocolate cake for her birthday.
32:18
And she just went on and on and on about this cake.
32:22
And I just, that was five, Sarah Mason was little. She was like five years old,
32:26
but I remember like her pride, you know, from hearing my mom dote on her and like,
32:32
you know, that's just, again, like, I feel like that is going to be ingrained in her.
32:36
Sarah Mason watches baking shows all the time.
32:39
Like, she loves, she loves just the idea of food.
32:43
And like, I can make anything and say that it was my mom's recipe,
32:46
and she's going to try it, whereas otherwise she may not try it, you know.
32:51
And so, you know, I feel like her, not only her examples with cooking and baking
32:59
and stuff, but also she made an effort to give me confidence in my own, you know?
33:05
And so one, one thing that we did do that I'm so thankful that we did is we,
33:12
back when I was, y'all, I was in, I was in my internship in grad school,
33:18
was planning a wedding with Jess.
33:21
We were getting, Jess and I got married right after I graduated grad school, like a month after.
33:26
And of course, I was looking for a job and doing all the married people thing
33:29
or getting married things.
33:31
And then we also put together a family cookbook.
33:35
And so, you know, because the sisters were getting older, we had already lost a few of them.
33:40
And like we wanted to preserve those family recipes. And so we got all the sisters
33:45
to, you know, give their recipes, their mom's recipes.
33:48
Then, of course, everybody else kind of threw in some other family favorite recipes
33:51
and so it like doing that was
33:55
probably this is one of the memories that I mentioned in the
33:57
in my memories for the service like doing
34:01
that really gave me a visual of like how meaningful and deep and just family
34:10
oriented our our history runs like our roots run you know And my mamaw,
34:19
like she gathered her recipes kind of and like got them ready for me.
34:23
And I'm like, I would call her and I would say, mamaw, like,
34:26
okay, how long do I cook this for?
34:28
You know, or what temperature do I put it on? Or, you know, like just basic questions.
34:34
And she would say, baby, just until it looks right, you know,
34:37
or like an ingredient. It would just say oleo.
34:40
Okay, O-L-E-O, which is margarine, right? every one
34:43
of her recipes had oleo in it instead of like butter or margarine or
34:46
instead of it saying butter or you know
34:49
instead of it saying margarine it was oleo which is margarine and and
34:53
I was like how much like how much oleo
34:56
she's like oh just tell you know the consistency is right or
34:59
you know and I'm like mamaw that like I cannot
35:02
like my grandkids are not going to know what this means you
35:05
know my grandkids are not going to know what it's supposed to look like
35:08
for it to look right and so finally I went
35:11
over there one day and I pulled out every one of her recipe books all of her
35:15
recipe cards and I just sat there we scattered them all over the counter and
35:20
I went through them and I actually found a few more that I wanted to put in
35:23
the cookbook but we went through them and and just looking at it all in her handwriting and.
35:30
With like just food splattered all over it, right?
35:33
And the papers were like turning brown and the edges were curved up and warped
35:38
from like water or whatever.
35:40
Like it was just such like a beautiful sight and such a reminder of like where
35:45
I come from and like what life was like before we had grocery stores filled
35:50
with tons of like pre-made and processed and, you know,
35:54
options, just tons of options in general, right?
35:56
Like everything had to be from scratch because
36:00
that was the only option if you wanted like a cake or
36:02
a pie or something that tasted good you know and so it was
36:06
just it was just a really beautiful reminder and I'm still to this day very
36:10
thankful gosh that was 14 years ago but I'm very thankful my sister and I we
36:13
put that cookbook together and I mean everybody helped with it right but we
36:18
were like the enterers of the of the recipes and the the people who helped lay it all out.
36:24
And it's just so special for all of us to have.
36:27
So yeah, let's see some more.
36:31
Let's see. Okay. So another, another memory that I have is candy making at Christmas.
36:35
So every Christmas we would make candy like divinity, haystacks.
36:41
Turtles, you know, she would make peanut brittle.
36:46
I know I'm forgetting something important. Oh, fudge, fudge.
36:49
And like it was a production. We This was in one of the memories that I mentioned, too.
36:56
Like we would go to her house and the day was always up in the air,
37:01
right? Because the weather had to be right for the divinity.
37:04
If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. Like it can't be hot.
37:09
It can't be raining, like whatever. It has to be nice and cold outside.
37:13
And so it would be like, the weather's looking good tomorrow. Let's do it.
37:16
And so we would go over there and we would make tons of candy.
37:20
And back when my papa owned his own business and entrepreneurs run long and deep in my family too.
37:26
And back when he was still working a lot, she would box them up and give them
37:30
to all his, to give them to some of his best customers, some of his best like
37:36
people who offered referrals and all this.
37:38
And so she, you know, it was a big to do.
37:41
And so that was always something really special. And I learned so much in that
37:46
kitchen doing that because it's just like when you're moving so fast,
37:49
You have nothing to do but like jump in or get out the way. You know what I mean?
37:55
And so I learned so much from that. And so another like heavy memory I have
38:00
of my mom, especially during the summer, was going to the beauty shop.
38:03
She went to the beauty shop every week and.
38:07
She saw Rosemarie. Rosemarie was her like favorite. Like she stayed with her
38:11
forever and ever and ever.
38:13
And like they were like little besties too, it felt like. But in the back of
38:17
the beauty shop, they had this room with a TV.
38:20
And so Mamaw during the summer, especially every week, one of her grandkids
38:25
was going to be with her at least.
38:26
And we would get to go into the back and watch TV.
38:30
But there was like a little sandwich store up the road or up the walkway from
38:35
where we were. And so we could go buy, you know, like candy or like food or
38:39
whatever and go sit in the back and watch TV.
38:41
And, you know, that's just a sweet memory I have. I'm like, you know,
38:44
like my kids get it with my parents and in-laws now too.
38:48
Like, you know, special food trips or food like things that just come with them.
38:55
But it's so funny about the beauty shop, y'all. And my cousin actually told
38:59
this story on her memories.
39:00
And I had, I mean, I had obviously remembered it, but like not enough to,
39:05
jog my memory at that point.
39:08
My mamaw, when we all, like every time any of us turned 13, girls,
39:12
any of the girls turned 13, she would tell us that it was time to go get our eyelashes dyed.
39:19
And she did. When I turned 13, she told me it was time to get my eyelashes dyed.
39:23
And then a few years later, she asked me if I wanted to get eyeliner tattooed on my eyes.
39:28
And I did not do any of that. But I do remember I finally got my eyelashes dyed,
39:33
like literally when Jess and I we're getting married and I did not want to put
39:37
on mascara because on the honeymoon, you know, I didn't want to,
39:40
we were going to the beach and I didn't want to mess with it.
39:43
And I told my mom, like, I got my eyelashes dyed. She was so proud.
39:46
Like she just thought, why not?
39:48
Like this service is available to us. Why not? But she sure wanted to take me
39:51
up to that beauty shop and get my eyelashes dyed when I was in middle school.
39:55
But after the beauty shop okay so a
39:58
lot of times after the beauty shop we would go to the jitney jungle okay which
40:01
was nearby um there were a few different grocery stores
40:04
that changed hands and changed names through throughout my
40:07
throughout my childhood with her or whatever but we would go to the grocery
40:11
at some point and i love to watch her pick food y'all she was so particular
40:15
about like meats and vegetables like i loved to just watch her i loved going
40:22
to the grocery store with her. Like I loved it.
40:25
And so that was just a memory that I have. And I'm very much the same way.
40:29
Like if you've ever seen me at Kroger, you will know, like I'm picking through
40:32
the produce. It's why I cannot get my groceries delivered.
40:35
I just, I have to look at the meat. I have to look at the vegetables. I have to look at it all.
40:41
Okay. Let's see. I'm going, I'm just kind of type stuff out here.
40:44
I know this, you know, this one, and again, it's just, this is really for me,
40:47
not for y'all, but thank y'all if you've, if you've hung around, right?
40:51
Another, you know, another memory that one of my cousins mentioned that I thought
40:56
was really, really true is that she'd draw us in with food, right?
41:00
Like every time the waffles were made or the taco night was happening or whatever
41:05
it was, like that's how she got us there.
41:07
But then she would like, of course, dive in, like want to catch up with us and
41:12
also like offer wisdom specifically when like, gosh, specifically.
41:18
I know I remember I had a boyfriend in high school she was not a fan of.
41:23
And so she would often, I think my parents were kind of putting that in her ear.
41:27
But like she would often kind of feed that to me in her soft way.
41:32
But then Jess and I in high school, no, in college, we broke up for a minute.
41:36
And it was pretty tough times.
41:39
And she would, y'all, she fed me so much during that time.
41:43
Like so much during that time. And every time I would go over there,
41:47
she just had, you know, little words and little encouragement and a lot of love.
41:51
And then later on in that season of my life, I had obviously lost weight just
41:56
from being so sad. And she was like, you need to gain weight.
42:01
Like was not playing with me no more.
42:03
Like told me I better look heavier next time she saw me, you know.
42:08
And so she was just really in tuned with us in little ways like that.
42:14
But it always, you know, always drew us in with the food, right, which I which I love.
42:20
And it's really, you know, I've got I've got someone in my family.
42:25
I'm not going to I'm not going to put her out, but she's going through a hard time.
42:28
And we just had, you know, bread making session this past weekend.
42:33
And and I just felt like, golly, I look at this history repeating itself.
42:39
Right. Like we came to learn how to make some bread together,
42:42
but I was able to really help pour into her and talk to her and give her some
42:46
of my experience and my wisdom with some of the things that she's dealing with.
42:50
And that wasn't the intention, right? But it very much...
42:56
The food is the excuse, you know, which I think is just such a beautiful thing
43:00
to just have community and have conversation and share love,
43:04
you know, or otherwise, what else, like, what are you forcing,
43:07
like, what are you going to other people's houses for if it's not food?
43:11
Like, how weird would it be to be like, I'm going to come over there and,
43:13
you know, help you clean, which
43:14
I mean, y'all can go on and volunteer to do that at any time with me.
43:18
But you know what I'm saying? It feels, it doesn't feel as natural as it does to say,
43:23
well, you want to come over and, you know have have a snack or
43:26
come over and have some dinner or whatever help learn how to
43:28
do this or that and so I do think that's just
43:31
a way to like weave in love and weave in encouragement and
43:34
wisdom in my mom very very much did that another thing that you know truly I
43:41
after the funeral listened to my voicemails from literally 2015 which I did
43:48
not know my voicemail stayed that long, but I'm so glad they did.
43:51
I listened to all the ones from her just to hear her say like,
43:55
hey, baby, like every, every voicemail started with, hey, baby,
44:00
my husband and my brother-in-law do a really good impression of it.
44:05
But you know, that is something that like, I'm going to miss so much,
44:09
right? And I'm so thankful.
44:10
Like we, we dump on technology and I'm the main one. Like I hate a phone.
44:14
I hate technology a lot of times, but like y'all, golly, how blessed are we
44:18
that I I recorded those voicemails so that I can keep them forever and hear
44:23
that when I want to hear it, you know.
44:26
And then another, like, just non-food memory, but it really is a food memory,
44:33
is my mamaw, at a certain season in her life, loved to gamble.
44:38
She loved to go to the casino, and the casino is about 45 minutes from her house, but she would go often.
44:44
And y'all, one time, so it was, I can't remember what the name,
44:47
what the casino was. but they were trying to spell out Go Bananas.
44:52
I don't know if y'all remember back in the day, but I do. The casino would give
44:55
out like all kinds of awesome stuff for those that came enough.
45:00
And so there was some kind of contest going on and you were trying to spell
45:03
out Go Bananas. Was it the Isle of Capri?
45:06
I don't know. But you're trying to spell Go Bananas. And I can't remember what
45:10
you would do to get the letters, right?
45:12
But you were getting, every time you did something, you got a letter.
45:15
It was a G and O, a B or whatever. and so if you
45:18
got if you spelled out go bananas you got a yellow bmw like you were the winner
45:24
of a yellow bmw and so it was a huge thing in our area like anybody that gambled
45:29
was out there trying to get them go bananas to spell it out or whatever and
45:32
my mama won it she won a yellow bmw.
45:36
And I remember I was like, I had to be like 11, 10, 11, 12.
45:42
I don't know. I was young, but I remember thinking, gosh, I wish she would hold
45:45
on to that until I was able to drive, you know, but yellow wasn't really her color.
45:52
So she sold it. But anyway, it was just a really special memory.
45:56
And so the casino, she was not into it these past several, several years.
46:01
But back then, when I, you know, when I was around that age,
46:04
probably, you know, young all the way up to like in my 20s, she did go.
46:09
And so I remember being so pumped to turn 21.
46:12
And we went, I mean, literally, we went the day I turned 21.
46:15
My whole family, my whole family came and we all did it. But,
46:18
you know, what I remember most is eating.
46:20
You know, they had like a buffet with like crab legs or something and we all
46:24
ate together. And like, I don't remember a thing about gambling.
46:27
And, you know, we would go with the family sometimes after that.
46:30
But then it kind of fizzled out for everybody.
46:33
And also, like, I never, I mean, I never won. And so I did not have no money
46:37
to be wasting at that casino, y'all. So that was never a thing for me.
46:41
But so all that to say, the only thing I remember really is eating with everyone.
46:47
And that's why I loved to go when we did go, is to just be at a long table with
46:51
all my family and just eating together and enjoying that together.
46:55
So, again, just like another way that food really just, it brought us together,
47:00
right? It was the reason, but not the depth of what was truly going on in our
47:06
family, which was the love, right?
47:09
And then another memory is just her obsession, their obsession.
47:14
My mamaw and my papaw's obsession with birds, y'all. They love birds.
47:18
They have a big glass sliding door in their backyard or in their living room
47:23
that leads out to the backyard.
47:26
And they, like you would be mid-conversation. conversation. And my papa would
47:30
be like, look at that bluebird.
47:31
Look at that. Look at that. You know, like they loved some birds. Okay.
47:36
And this is something that I really just took notice of probably once we moved into this house.
47:43
So several, I mean, it's been like three or three ish years that I really took
47:46
notice because out here we have a little more land.
47:48
And so I'm able to notice like nature a little bit more.
47:52
And so then like I'm starting to recognize the beauty and the nature that they loved and noticed.
47:59
And so just recently, did we really get off into the bird obsession together?
48:05
And I remember like when she got put in the rehab facility, everybody,
48:10
one of the biggest concerns was like, how's she gonna watch her birds?
48:13
Cause they just literally, that's what they spend their days doing is looking
48:16
at the birds, you know, half the time.
48:18
And so my sisters and I went in together and we bought her one of those bird
48:22
cams. And me and my mom went out there and set it up.
48:26
And she so we set it up at their house in their backyard so that she could watch
48:32
on her phone what her birds in her backyard were doing and.
48:36
Y'all, I mean, I would never, of course, I would not ever take that back ever.
48:41
But the phone calls that I got about that bird cam, because it was technology
48:45
and it was like, they couldn't figure out why the birds weren't up or whatever.
48:49
But I just love that they were trying to see the birds, you know,
48:52
so mom and I, we troubleshooted that bird camera and that app a lot.
48:58
But I'm so thankful that we did it because she was able to just see her birds
49:01
the whole time she was in the rehab facility.
49:03
And then, of course, she got to come home and she wasn't as mobile.
49:07
So she could still pull up her app and see what was going on behind her in the backyard.
49:11
And, you know, I think what's so special about that, though,
49:14
is like it's just such a reminder to slow down.
49:17
You know, like how many of us are really thinking about birds throughout the day?
49:21
You know, and I know their lives slowed down, right? I know she was thinking
49:24
about birds as much when she was my age, but there's just so much beauty in that.
49:28
It's, you know, remembering the reminders to just slow down.
49:31
And so, anyway, I think I have rambled on enough, y'all.
49:34
This is a long one. And I appreciate y'all for just sticking with me for this
49:38
one and the last one. I know they've been different.
49:40
They haven't been as, like, passionate and, like, driving home points about weight loss.
49:45
But, honestly, I'm just not there. So, like, my mind is not there right now.
49:49
And so this is what you get, you know, honest, just, like, raw, chilling constants.
49:55
Because, like, I just, I mentioned it on social. I just...
50:00
I don't care as much about weight loss right now. I just don't.
50:02
I just don't. And I think that's okay, right? It's a season.
50:06
And of course, I care about those in my program that do care about weight loss right now, right?
50:11
But for me personally, it's just I'm struggling to find like a lot of inspiration behind like.
50:18
Calories and like, it's just this just tough right now, which I think I go through
50:25
this periodically and it'll be fine.
50:28
But I just to wrap this up you know I think
50:32
what my mama really like one of the main things
50:34
she really instilled to me is that food is love like food is not just food right
50:38
like the detailed selection of food the the the precision in the things she
50:44
fixed the you know time spent in the kitchen and even delivering things one
50:50
thing I didn't mention is like she you know when my papa,
50:54
was working, she was pretty much a stay-at-home mom.
50:57
She had a few jobs and did a few different things, but she started a sandwich
51:01
shop and would just like make sandwiches and deliver to people,
51:04
like anything around food, right?
51:06
And so it is time spent and time well spent in her eyes and also in my eyes, right?
51:15
And I think I've always said I love making recipes, like the recipe part of
51:19
my program where my ladies get, you know, a new recipe every few weeks on the
51:24
app that are made from me, like created by me.
51:27
That's my favorite part. And it's something I'll never give up. And like, I love it.
51:32
Like, I love it, even though it's so stressful sometimes. And even though I
51:35
waste so much food sometimes, like I love it.
51:38
And I think, you know, that comes straight from her in this idea of like,
51:43
time and food is love, you know, and so um.
51:48
Like whether you think it's right or wrong that food equals love for me or anybody
51:53
else, you know, because I know that can be a thing, like food should just be
51:56
food and like, whatever.
51:58
It's ingrained in who I am. You know, like I can't undo it and I don't freaking want to.
52:03
You know what I mean? And so I know it's this way for so many others.
52:08
It's ingrained in you, like whether you wish it wasn't or not,
52:11
because you think then maybe you wouldn't have trouble losing weight.
52:13
Like, what if we zoomed out and we just appreciated it, you know,
52:19
and came at it from that lens instead of wrestling it?
52:22
Because it's who we are. It's in our genes. It's what's made us, you know.
52:28
And I don't want a life where food is gross and nothing tastes good.
52:33
And, you know, how do we gather? What do we gather around, like,
52:38
take out? Like, I don't know.
52:39
You know what I mean? That's not the life I want. I want the I want the life
52:42
and the view on food that I have.
52:44
And so with that, you know, some things are not as important as weight loss.
52:49
A lot of things are not as important as weight loss, you know,
52:53
like and so that's why I would never ask you to forgo your mammals,
52:58
you know, banana pudding or chest squares or whatever in the name of weight
53:01
loss, because not only do I just think it's not not like those two are not the same, right?
53:06
Like the honoring and the memories and the love that comes from your mama's
53:11
banana pudding or whatever matters way more than the weight loss in that moment.
53:15
But also this act of constantly like trying to forego foods that are attached
53:22
to memories for you creates friction and uneasiness inside of you.
53:28
Like you feel like it's an either or. And we talk about that here all the time, right?
53:32
Like either, I just did that podcast a couple weeks ago. I'm like.
53:35
Either I can enjoy my food or I can lose weight.
53:38
And like, so if you go to the depths of that, that means either you can honor
53:43
the memories of your family and tradition and your grandparents,
53:47
or you can lose weight and fit into blue jeans.
53:50
No, hell to the no. I mean, that is not...
53:54
It. And so it's just about learning how to navigate, right?
53:58
The memories of the love and enjoying that without the guilt and then how to take the rest.
54:04
I mean, y'all, we ain't sitting around eating. I wish we were,
54:07
but we are not sitting around eating our mamaw's home cooking 24-7, right?
54:11
And so it's about how we behave on the other side of that.
54:15
Like when we have left mamaw's house and we are now back at home in our own
54:19
kitchen and, you know, trying to put dinner together in five minutes or whatever it is, right?
54:24
So it's just about, first of
54:25
all, accepting that, right? That like it doesn't have to be the either or.
54:29
It can very much be and, you know, and then how are we going to navigate it?
54:34
And that can change day to day.
54:35
And I will tell you, I mean, you know, just in these past few weeks,
54:38
I made my mama's chest squares.
54:40
I made my mama's waffles and I ate these already knowing I had gained some weight in anyway.
54:46
And so for me in those moments, I'm like, I'll just take another,
54:49
I'll take another day of weight gain.
54:51
I mean, I just will. And I'm fine with it. Right. We had a huge spread after
54:55
her funeral, her church, golly, they did a potluck thing and it was so much food, y'all.
55:00
And it was so much good home cooking food. And you better bet I ate every bit
55:03
of it, you know, because I made the decision that this matters more to me right
55:07
now than weight loss does, you know.
55:09
And so there's no shame in that. There's no guilt in that.
55:12
But eventually we got to make up our mind that weight loss matters some too,
55:16
right, to find that balance. So anyway, thank y'all for sticking with me.
55:20
I know I've had two really long ones in a row, but you know, here, here I am.
55:24
So as always, y'all remember to say grace.
55:28
Music.