Latest / Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast / 18 | 24 Years of Manatee Lies Finally Exposed

Transcript

18 | 24 Years of Manatee Lies Finally Exposed · Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast

• 0:04
  Let's talk, Am I the asshole for going to my daughter's last
• 0:09
  softball game instead of my friend's boyfriend's funeral?
• 0:17
  For starters, I'm a parent that typically drops everything for
• 0:19
  my kids. A semi close friend of mine lost
• 0:22
  her boyfriend in an accident. I've met the guy twice in three
• 0:26
  years, so I wasn't close to him per SE, but I've known her for
• 0:28
  five years now. I of course told her that I'd be
• 0:31
  at the service to support her. Little did I know that my
• 0:34
  daughter's softball team was invited to a prestigious
• 0:37
  tournament. My daughter begged me to go and
• 0:40
  I wanted to try to do both, but they were almost six hours away
• 0:43
  from each other geographically. I ended up going to my
• 0:46
  daughter's game. I mean.
• 0:50
  My friend is obviously hurt because she feels I chose
• 0:52
  something less important in the grand scheme of life, but to me,
• 0:56
  being present and supportive for my kids is the most important
• 0:59
  thing in life. Did my decision make me the
• 1:02
  asshole? I don't know.
• 1:05
  You know, usually I'd have some sort of like advice, but I don't
• 1:10
  know. That's tough.
• 1:11
  That's really tough. That's tough because of course,
• 1:14
  yes, you want to support your kid.
• 1:16
  Yeah, but this is a friend also, and funerals are for the living,
• 1:20
  not for the departed, so you're there to support them.
• 1:24
  So that's a tough one, she said. Semi.
• 1:26
  Semi. Close, Semi close.
• 1:28
  So I think I would need more description on what that means.
• 1:31
  Yeah, the history behind there. But she was like, Nah, I'm gonna
• 1:34
  pick my my kid. I can't be mad at it, but.
• 1:37
  I mean, I guess. Already.
• 1:40
  I know ready. Yes, confession.
• 1:44
  I have lied to my son about manatees for the fast 24 years.
• 1:50
  About manatees. 24 years ago, my 6 year old son got me a birthday
• 1:55
  present. It was a mug with a picture of a
• 1:57
  manatee on it. He got upset when I wasn't
• 2:00
  sufficiently thrilled about his gift.
• 2:02
  I assured him that I loved it, saying that manatees are my
• 2:05
  favorite animals in the whole wide world.
• 2:08
  Since then, manatee themed items have been my default gift from
• 2:12
  him. Oh my God.
• 2:13
  Manatee shirts, manatee calendars, manatee beer signs,
• 2:16
  so much more. 24 years of manatee items displayed proudly
• 2:21
  in my home. Oh my God, people come by and
• 2:24
  they're like, you really love. Manatees.
• 2:29
  My confession is that manatees are not my favorite animal in
• 2:32
  the whole wide world. Never have been.
• 2:34
  I have nothing against them and they seem like gentle creatures,
• 2:37
  but they have no fascination to me.
• 2:39
  I only said I love manatees to soothe the feelings for my young
• 2:42
  son over 2 decades ago. Oh.
• 2:44
  My God. Year after year I rolled the lie
• 2:47
  because it was harmless and I was too deep to tell them the
• 2:49
  truth. Now my deception has reached his
• 2:53
  zenith. Next year I am turning 55 and he
• 2:57
  is turning 30. Oh my God.
• 2:59
  It's a long time. This is a really long time.
• 3:01
  It's a long time. It's.
• 3:04
  Time. It's time.
• 3:05
  For Christmas, my son has booked a trip for the two of us to go
• 3:09
  to Florida to see manatees. Oh my God.
• 3:13
  My son is so excited for this trip and is telling everyone in
• 3:17
  our family about it. Even my ex-wife is gushing about
• 3:20
  my trip to finally see the manatees.
• 3:21
  Oh my God. Of course I'm thrilled to spend
• 3:24
  time and have an adventure with my son.
• 3:25
  I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness and for his love
• 3:28
  for his old man. We will have a lovely time
• 3:30
  together and make great memories.
• 3:31
  And I will continue the deception about the manatees,
• 3:34
  which are not my favorite animals in the whole wide world.
• 3:38
  That's actually adorable. That's adorable.
• 3:42
  He said I'm a continue to lie because he loves, feels good to.
• 3:45
  Him. That's actually really sweet.
• 3:50
  Am I the asshole for asking my dad not to be in a relationship?
• 3:55
  Yes. OK.
• 3:56
  I'm 17, female, and a senior in high school.
• 4:00
  My parents have been separated since I was little, first or
• 4:02
  second grade, I'm not sure. My dad's been in a ton of
• 4:06
  relationships, at least three since they were separated and
• 4:09
  the last one was an engagement where we all live together for
• 4:12
  like 5 years. He and I don't really talk about
• 4:15
  relationships. The one time he did was him
• 4:18
  telling me how much he missed his ex-girlfriend after they
• 4:20
  broke up. She was the woman he left us for
• 4:23
  and moved away with when I was in 3rd grade I think.
• 4:27
  So I was just kind of weirded out and didn't want to.
• 4:30
  Didn't know what to say. He hasn't really talked to me
• 4:33
  about any of them since. Anyway, now I'm a senior in high
• 4:36
  school and he broke up with his fiance so now it's just me and
• 4:39
  him living together when I'm not at my mom's and he just told me
• 4:42
  he's seeing someone new. I know it was really immature of
• 4:45
  me but I kind of freaked out at him.
• 4:47
  I wasn't crying at first but I got really upset and asked him
• 4:49
  if he could just wait until I leave for college to start
• 4:52
  dating someone new. It's less than a year and really
• 4:55
  like only six months since my graduation is at the end of May.
• 4:58
  I kept asking if we could just have some time with just us
• 5:02
  instead of someone else, but he got really mad at me saying it
• 5:04
  wasn't fair of me to ask him that.
• 5:07
  Don't I want him to be happy, it's not all about me, stuff
• 5:09
  like that. I didn't say this to him but
• 5:13
  really in my head I was thinking that I don't care about him
• 5:15
  being happy right now because it feels like it's always about him
• 5:18
  and his happiness, which I know is a really unkind thing to say
• 5:22
  but if I'm being honest it's how I feel.
• 5:24
  But I didn't say it to him. I just kept asking for these
• 5:26
  last six months to just be us. Eventually he stopped answering
• 5:30
  me and went to bed so I did 2 and he didn't really talk to me
• 5:33
  over the weekend. I know I'm being selfish because
• 5:36
  I am asking him to make it about me and not be happy with this
• 5:40
  new woman. I don't know her name but I'm
• 5:42
  only going to be here for six more months that I'm leaving for
• 5:45
  college. I don't know where I'm going
• 5:46
  yet, but I haven't applied to any schools in our city so I'm
• 5:49
  definitely going to be living wherever I go.
• 5:51
  I'll come home for holidays and stuff, but I'll still be
• 5:53
  splitting that time with my mom and dad.
• 5:55
  So it feels like these next six months are kind of it.
• 5:59
  I know I'm almost 18, it should be more mature, but when he told
• 6:02
  me I just suddenly felt like a little kid again, which is
• 6:04
  probably why I started crying at the end, which was really
• 6:06
  embarrassing. I don't know how to explain it,
• 6:09
  I can't really talk to my friends about it and it feels
• 6:11
  embarrassing. And whenever I talk to my mom
• 6:13
  about things like this I feel bad because she never wants to
• 6:15
  say anything bad about him to me even though I know she really
• 6:19
  really doesn't like him. But she's amazing at putting on
• 6:22
  a polite face. So I'm asking strangers, am I
• 6:25
  the asshole here? No, babe, no.
• 6:28
  You're asking him to finally choose you exactly, and it looks
• 6:31
  like he's refusing to do so. No, he's choosing himself yet
• 6:35
  again. Again, he's choosing other
• 6:36
  women, that's the thing, yes. So no, she's not, I feel.
• 6:42
  For her, me too. She's going to leave and you
• 6:46
  know she's going to be successful and live a life and
• 6:48
  have a great experience, but yeah.
• 6:51
  I feel for her, me. Too.
• 6:53
  What do I do? My teenage daughter keeps
• 6:56
  bringing her boyfriend over when I'm not home and I honestly am
• 7:01
  at a loss here and could really use some advice.
• 7:03
  Oh my God. My 16 year old daughter has been
• 7:06
  dating this boy for about 6 months now.
• 7:08
  I met him a few times and he seems like a decent kid, but I
• 7:11
  have a clear rule that no boyfriends are allowed over when
• 7:14
  I'm not home. Yes.
• 7:19
  Yes, I work. Part time and I'm usually gone
• 7:22
  to four or five hours during the day while I've been finding
• 7:25
  evidence that he's been coming over anyway.
• 7:27
  Different things. Moved around an extra plate in
• 7:30
  the dishwasher, even caught a glimpse of him leaving through
• 7:32
  the back gate when I came home. I know, I know.
• 7:37
  When I confront my daughter about it, she flat out lies to
• 7:40
  my face and denies everything. I'm frustrated because it's not
• 7:43
  even about not trusting her with boys, it's about respecting the
• 7:47
  rules that I've set and being honest with.
• 7:49
  Me and also not trusting her with boys.
• 7:55
  The lying is what really gets to me.
• 7:57
  I feel like if she can lie so easily about this, what else is
• 8:00
  she lying about? I tried taking her phone away,
• 8:02
  grounding her, even talking to his parents but nothing seems to
• 8:06
  work. She just gets better at hiding
• 8:08
  it. I feel like I'm losing a battle
• 8:10
  and our relationship is getting more strained every day.
• 8:12
  How do I handle this? This is, this is tough.
• 8:17
  This is what sucks about being a parent because she is doing all
• 8:20
  the things she's supposed to do with the, you know, taking away
• 8:23
  things and the punishment and the communication.
• 8:25
  You know she's with the other. Parents too.
• 8:27
  Exactly. But what are you supposed to do?
• 8:29
  Lock her away? I don't.
• 8:32
  Honestly. Yeah, just sorry, like I'm
• 8:34
  driving and that's the thing. It's like the extreme where you
• 8:37
  change your work schedule or you get a new job or something like
• 8:41
  that. Like if it really gets to that
• 8:42
  point where you're like, I can't trust her and she's going to do
• 8:45
  it anyway and you really want to stop it.
• 8:47
  But that's that's tough. That's really tough and mad
• 8:51
  disrespectful. Very, you know.
• 8:57
  Am I the asshole for avoiding my neighbor?
• 9:00
  OK so I felt this one in my soul.
• 9:02
  OK. My husband and I live around the
• 9:04
  corner from a good friend of my husband's and his wife.
• 9:07
  We'll call them Tom and Brandy. Tom comes over frequently to
• 9:11
  spend time with my husband either to play video games,
• 9:14
  those video games, work on projects outside Co work,
• 9:18
  etcetera. He's perfectly pleasant and I
• 9:20
  don't mind his presence at all. I will sometimes join them to
• 9:23
  socialize, but oftentimes I will go upstairs to read or work on
• 9:26
  my own projects. My problem is that his wife,
• 9:29
  Brandy, will show up while Tom is here to basically hang out
• 9:32
  with Tom while he's with my husband.
• 9:34
  Brandy is a pleasant person as well, but we don't have a strong
• 9:37
  connection and I don't feel interested in socializing with
• 9:39
  her. I don't come downstairs when she
• 9:42
  shows up at my house unannounced.
• 9:44
  She sits on my living room scrolling her phone while Tom
• 9:46
  and my husband are socializing. No one invited.
• 9:50
  No one invited her over. I'm not in the mood to sit with
• 9:53
  her or to have my evening monopolized.
• 9:56
  I feel like once I go downstairs I will have to be polite and
• 9:59
  stay down there rather than going back to what I was doing
• 10:02
  exactly. So I stay upstairs and avoid the
• 10:04
  situation with my which my husband thinks is rude.
• 10:07
  What's rude is you inviting folks over or just.
• 10:10
  Letting people. Show up exactly.
• 10:12
  I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
• 10:14
  I don't get the impression that she's interested in actually
• 10:16
  seeing me. She just doesn't feel like being
• 10:18
  at her house alone. It feels like an imposition and
• 10:21
  a boundary being crossed. I don't know how to deal with
• 10:24
  this without being rude, but I don't want to continually
• 10:26
  literally hide in my house because I'm not prepared to
• 10:29
  socialize. I know.
• 10:31
  Am I the asshole? No, it's nervous you to make me
• 10:33
  feel uncomfortable in my house. The audacity come.
• 10:36
  Over to my place. Exactly.
• 10:38
  How I see you more here than you at your own place?
• 10:41
  Nah, you can get up at my house. I don't even care about being
• 10:44
  rude or not. Because there's no expectation
• 10:46
  for her to hang out with Tom. Exactly.
• 10:48
  But the expectation is I brought my wife over to hangover out
• 10:51
  with you. Yeah.
• 10:52
  Oh no. You inviting me to be friends
• 10:54
  with somebody? Oh no, you can sit there.
• 10:55
  And scroll and scroll. TikTok is real interesting at
• 10:58
  this time of day anyway.