Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 136. Why the woman who triggers you is the one you need most

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136. Why the woman who triggers you is the one you need most · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

• 0:05
  This is all figured out. I'm Andrea Barr.
• 0:07
  I'm a career coach for parents, a mom of two, and I absolutely
• 0:11
  believe that you can continue to grow personally and
• 0:13
  professionally while protecting family time.
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  We're about to figure out this work, life and parenting stuff
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  out together. Emily Shimwell, Christine
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  Koglin, thank you for coming on the all figured out podcast
• 0:36
  together. Why my hands are like this?
• 0:39
  I don't. Know thank you for having us.
• 0:42
  Thank you both for coming back. Emily, this is your third
• 0:44
  appearance in like 6 months. Christine, this is your second
• 0:50
  appearance and which is, you know what, really nice because I
• 0:54
  feel like we can move past the pleasantries, we move past the
• 0:58
  story. Go and listen to those episodes.
• 0:59
  They're phenomenal. But we're diving right in.
• 1:02
  Christine, you wrote an article called The Woman Who Triggers
• 1:06
  Us. Why did you write that article
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  and why did you feature this beautiful woman?
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  Emily Shimwell. Because she triggers the hell
• 1:14
  out of me. I mean, not getting, but also
• 1:17
  yes. Um, so Emily and I have similar
• 1:21
  businesses. She is this beautiful bright
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  light who has come out of nowhere is doing events.
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  She has an amazing accent. Everything about the fashion
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  that everything about her is just so beautiful, lovely.
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  And we've met a few times and fine met didn't really know each
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  other, but we met and one night I was driving home from an event
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  and I got a voice, a voice note from Emily.
• 1:45
  And she was like, I'm not sure that you really liked me when we
• 1:49
  first met, but I feel like I'm growing on you and I feel like a
• 1:53
  six year old here, but I just really wanted to say this.
• 1:56
  I kind of want to be friends. Um, and that was, that was the
• 2:00
  voice note. And so right away I was like
• 2:02
  something I didn't like her. Obviously.
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  I was like very in awe of her. I was inspired by her.
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  I love what she's doing, but she definitely gave my body some
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  feelings of like, she's charging good money for her events, she's
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  selling out her events, she's making like a real name.
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  Like she's got a lot of buzz around her.
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  And So what I have trained myself to do is to ask myself,
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  why do I have these feelings? What is this bringing up for me?
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  And so again, it was many things, many things were brought
• 2:30
  up for me. So I wrote this article about
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  what I do when I feel triggered. And it's really that awareness
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  piece that we have to have. So I got her permission to do
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  it. I would just want to say that
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  when she said the note, I was like, just so you know, I've
• 2:44
  been really percolating on this because I'm in a business has I
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  do events, I do content creation, I do a membership.
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  So because I have so many components to my business, often
• 2:54
  women come to me and like, did you see so And so she's doing
• 2:57
  content taste now. And I'm like, yeah, I see that.
• 3:00
  I see it. But also I'm trying to run YVR
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  Creatives as a community that is all about collaboration over
• 3:06
  competition. And sometimes my body goes like,
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  I don't like it. And I have to get really real
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  about what that means. So that collaboration over
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  competition isn't just a catch phrase, it's a way of life.
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  It's so hard. It's so hard.
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  Well, it is such a beautiful article.
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  We will. It's a blog post, sorry, I want
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  to call it an article. It should be like on the front
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  page of the Toronto Star or whatever it's called here.
• 3:30
  Vancouver Sun Um, but it's such a good read and it's such an
• 3:33
  honest tale and you're kind of just explaining this and then
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  you bring in a lot of people talk about these things and they
• 3:39
  don't use real life examples. They're like, we are all about
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  collaboration over competition. And it's like, what the fuck do
• 3:45
  you mean by that? And you're like, oh, let me show
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  you a real example of a time when I got really massively
• 3:52
  triggered. And here's like how we worked
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  through it from your side. Emily, what was that moment
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  where that event you had seen each other at events that I had
• 4:01
  hosted? I think you've gone to each
• 4:02
  other's events. But what was that moment where
• 4:04
  you're like, OK, I've got to call a spade a spade.
• 4:07
  And how did you move through that to just like hit that
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  button to do your little voice note?
• 4:13
  First of all, should we play the voice note because we just found
• 4:15
  it? We should definitely play.
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  That I won't play the whole voice now, but I can play like a
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  few seconds. OK, OHP.
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  I got so excited. Here it goes, Wake me like when
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  we first crossed paths. I've got this feeling that you
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  just were not sure about me and really didn't like me like a kid
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  telling you this. I've never would normally share
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  this that, but I will say the extra bit at the end.
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  I wouldn't normally say this. I don't know why I said that,
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  because I would. I would always.
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  Do that. This is my.
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  Brand think any stickiness with any relationships I've ever had,
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  I've always come down to communication.
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  And it's always better to just say the thing that you're
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  thinking and feeling because otherwise we start storytelling
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  and putting language to it that has no fact and no truth.
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  And I've got really thick skin. And I was quite prepared for
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  Christine to say, oh, I just don't like you.
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  Yeah. And I said in the voice note, I
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  know I sound like I'm 6 and I don't need you to like me, but I
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  feel like I might be growing on you.
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  Um, we'd cross paths at quite a few different events.
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  And I'm very susceptible to people's energies.
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  And it's not really what someone says.
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  It's more just like the feeling coming off them.
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  And I think because I was so intrigued by Christine, because
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  I know who's in the industry and who uses the words community and
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  collaboration and all those things.
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  And I'm instantly drawn to them thinking, are we have lots in
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  common? And then I suppose when I met
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  her, I thought, Oh my God, she doesn't want to collaborate or
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  like doesn't. I don't know.
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  I couldn't put language to it, but I just had this feeling in
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  my body. So maybe like the 4th occasion I
• 6:08
  drove home along the sea to sky and it just like overwhelmed me.
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  I get this thing sometimes I get this feeling and it just takes
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  over my body from my toes to my head.
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  And it was like just. Call her.
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  So you know, how like, how am I going to contact her?
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  And it's also like 11:00 PM at night, wherever it was.
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  And so I voiced noted her on Instagram with no expectation of
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  anything, to be honest, and it's just blown my mind and reinforce
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  that you should always say the thing.
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  Christine then responds really quickly and I can't remember.
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  I think it started with like, honestly, you trigger me and I
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  paused it and my mouth fell often on the drive and I was
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  like, Oh my God, what was I was like dying, honestly, who's
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  dying? And then?
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  She paused. What did you expect the rest of
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  the message to say after that first?
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  I thought it was going to be reading SAMM.
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  OK, yeah. And then she just launched into
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  the most real, honest, vulnerable answer of all of the
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  reasons why, but with a positive tone.
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  And it again, it didn't need to be, but I just suddenly had and
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  already had a lot, but had like 10 times respect for you in how
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  honestly that you'd answered. And I just knew immediately this
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  was gonna be the start of a story.
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  Like this was the start of something.
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  Because it's one thing for someone to start the
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  conversation and trigger it, but for the other person to meet you
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  halfway and say, yeah, and this is how I feel and then talk it
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  through. Like that's the whole point of
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  dying Wilder. And everything that I do at the
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  dinner table is to just like start the conversation.
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  And it's not about having the answers or even having a desired
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  com. It's just like, let's talk about
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  it. And I think so many things in
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  business can be avoided if we just start the conversation.
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  So I just, I think I then maybe messaged you saying, Oh my God,
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  I did this. It's a bit unhinged, but you
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  know what? Like, good for Christine for
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  being so honest with the response.
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  Um, and then Fast forward a few weeks, she's sleeping in
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  Squamish and has a hotel and it sat on my living room.
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  For non business reasons, just for fun hangout.
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  Yeah. So, ah, This is why I love both
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  of you so much. And the fact that you know,
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  you're willing to just call it out.
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  The fact that Christine is willing to be completely honest
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  within 0.5 seconds of that message back to her like that is
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  so unbelievable. And why not call out our
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  humanity? Like what really are you going
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  to tell me you've never been triggered by another person?
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  Right. Like whether you work in
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  corporate, whether your business owner, you're really going to
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  tell me you've never been like had feelings of say jealousy or
• 9:03
  like, oh, I want to do that. Why am I not doing like come on
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  we all? Feel that we do and we like to,
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  we really do like to pretend that we are like this perfect
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  being and we all know how we want to be.
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  Yes, but sometimes your body has other ideas.
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  Yes. Isn't it so interesting though,
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  when you said about people calling you to say look at this
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  content creator or you know, whoever?
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  I get so much of that. Like every time somebody sees a
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  dinner party, I get sent it. Well, I wouldn't send my
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  photographer, all of the photographers that exist in BC
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  and their pricing. And it's so interesting that
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  everyone does that. And I always think it's a good
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  job. I'm OK with it because I'd start
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  spiraling if I wasn't. And if you didn't live in such
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  abundance and didn't really believe in community and there
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  being competition, however you want to call it, um, it could
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  really trigger you going about your life in your busy day of
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  look at all these things that are existing.
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  But I get it constantly. Why do you believe like Chrissy?
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  Why? Why do you believe people send
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  you all the content creators or the people who are creating
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  women's business groups? But let's say let's take Bloom
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  Business Collective, for example, our mutual friend Danny
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  Weeb, you 2, her business is pivoting.
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  You 2 have similar businesses? Like how did you move through?
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  That she was actually one of my mentors at the beginning.
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  She helped me figure out how to do events.
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  She's been so helpful in my journey.
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  So I want nothing but success for her.
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  And we do serve different people.
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  Our events serve each other. So I'm going to Emily's event
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  tonight and I'm going to meet some amazing ladies that may
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  come to my events. Like we, I love being a guest at
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  an events. We can all work together and we
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  can. Yeah, there's benefits to all of
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  this. So I'm a big fan of Danny.
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  I'm a big fan of Emily. I was just thinking, it's like
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  walking down the street, walking down the aisle in the liquor
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  store and you would never have a love for wine and walk down that
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  liquor store and think, oh, I can't start the Cab sav.
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  I can't open the winery or whatever.
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  There's hundreds and hundreds of bottles of Cab Sav in the liquor
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  store and still people are creating them.
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  And there's a different moment too, to enjoy them.
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  You know, like not everybody wants an intimate dinner party.
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  You might want a larger conference the next week.
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  You want the conference because you want to be networking.
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  There's just different moments for it and different flavors for
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  everyone. And we all bring our.
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  Own completely. They're so different, reaching
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  different women than you are. I always go back to, I wouldn't
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  tell my child who loves doing graphic design or has this
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  entrepreneurial spirit like, oh, you can't do that because Logan
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  down the street is doing that, too.
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  We wouldn't do that. But we forget that as adults
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  that we all are here for our own reason.
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  And if we can keep that Amanda's abundant mindset, we can all
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  maybe find a way to work together and serve each other.
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  And it's a beautiful thing. It doesn't.
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  This is my Tinkerbell effect. This is what I talk about in the
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  article. Yeah.
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  One of like all of my references are Disney references because I
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  have 3. Kids and explain this one
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  because you didn't get to go into it too deep.
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  Yeah, So what I mean by that is if you watch the Tinkerbell
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  movie, they they come, they're born as fairies and then they're
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  sorted into their categories, right?
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  There's the tinker fairies, the nature fairies, the I can't
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  remember the flower fairies, the water fairies.
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  And they all get sorted and Tinkerbell doesn't look around
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  and be like, you do events, you're my competition.
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  She looks at the other tinker fairies is like, we are a team.
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  We are each other's people. We can learn so much.
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  Like we had a 45 minute conversation couple.
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  Weeks ago to. Force me off I was.
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  Like, I think you're avoiding something.
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  You should. We should, you should go do that
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  thing you said you had to do. But we have learned so much from
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  each other. Like we're talking about wait
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  lists for events. We're talking about early bird
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  sections of how to do this, like sponsorships, like so much to
• 12:54
  learn from each other. Um, events are hard.
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  So to have somebody could be like, yeah, it's like birthing a
• 13:00
  child every time. And she gets that.
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  And she also gets the like the lows and the highs of doing
• 13:06
  this. Her trying to do feast.
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  I saw her hustling. I know what that feels like when
• 13:10
  you're like messaging everybody and you're, you're really trying
• 13:13
  to fill the room. I get that.
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  So we are each other's people if we look at it that way.
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  But I think is so interesting about where this conversation
• 13:21
  has already gone in our short few minutes is that I'm going to
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  be honest, I always, I actually thought this conversation was
• 13:28
  going to be about like collaboration in the sense of
• 13:31
  physically working together. And that's what I think we now
• 13:34
  think that it is that we have to Co host an event which actually
• 13:38
  is never until right at this moment cross my mind.
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  Um, to me, the collaboration is the behind the scenes and the
• 13:45
  sharing of the information. Yes, that's to me what it means.
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  And that's actually the real bit because sometimes people do the
• 13:52
  front facing collaboration for the optics of it.
• 13:56
  And actually I've done those too and it doesn't feel so
• 14:00
  collaborative at all times. Um, this is different because
• 14:04
  it's like deeper rooted that I want her to sell her conference
• 14:08
  and like how can I help? Yes.
• 14:10
  Then the conference, let's just give it a quick plug, is the
• 14:13
  Motherhood Summit happening on May 7th, May 7th.
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  The week leading up to Mother's Day.
• 14:21
  Which I would have been. Next year you'll be there.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all there.
• 14:27
  It's going to be beautiful. Speaker Last year on one of your
• 14:29
  panels and I remember telling you and everybody else who would
• 14:32
  listen the following week, wow, what a like the pace of it.
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  I'm so obsessed with pace and flow.
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  I am someone who moves so freaking fast.
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  I think we all do in life. But to go to an event and to
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  feel that hustle and the pace of something that's like really
• 14:49
  frantic is just not what I want to spend my money and time on.
• 14:53
  And the pace of your event was so beautiful.
• 14:55
  Both of you were such incredible curators of experiences.
• 14:57
  So anyways, we needed to plug that because this is this
• 15:00
  audience. So come to Vancouver.
• 15:03
  Wasn't Langley. This is in Langley.
• 15:04
  It's gonna come to fly from Toronto, is what.
• 15:07
  I mean, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely fly into.
• 15:09
  Or Oregon, wherever you might sit.
• 15:13
  OK, I digress. So collaboration as like Co
• 15:16
  mentorship and like being friendly.
• 15:19
  I think it's so interesting. You're right there are the front
• 15:20
  facing collaborations where it's like brand collaborations and
• 15:23
  like 2 logos side to side. But do you actually want to have
• 15:27
  voice notes with like who actually want to be chatting
• 15:29
  about their real real? Have you, either of you don't
• 15:32
  name names, but have you ever experienced the people who are
• 15:36
  wanting to be more performative and not as much in like the DMS
• 15:41
  and like just actually sharing information?
• 15:45
  How's that felt? Like people that just, they just
• 15:48
  want, really want to use your platform to promote their stuff,
• 15:52
  but it's not reciprocal. So I think you have to give and
• 15:55
  take a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:58
  And find the right. Alignment and the right, exactly
• 16:01
  the right alignment of values and where we're trying to move
• 16:05
  forward from who our audience is.
• 16:07
  I'm rambling now, I don't know what I'm saying.
• 16:11
  Yeah. Yeah, I've gone kind of the
• 16:14
  other way recently of learning that I'm allowed to say that I
• 16:18
  want to gain something, which I don't hear many people say ever
• 16:22
  now cause I feel like we're not allowed to say that.
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  But I have always collaborated. And I realized recently that a
• 16:29
  lot of people now are gaining more than I am.
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  And because there's so many opportunities coming, I'm trying
• 16:34
  to be a little bit more discerning with what I say yes
• 16:37
  to. And I am asking the question
• 16:40
  straight away to them of like, what are we both gaining?
• 16:44
  And it doesn't need to be financial by any means.
• 16:47
  In fact, often the most beneficial is the non financial,
• 16:51
  um, the audience, the shared community, the selling tactics.
• 16:55
  Like with events, there's so many different ways of selling
• 16:58
  and it's so interesting because everyone has their own method
• 17:02
  and they know what their community responds best to.
• 17:05
  But the the world of events and the what's the word?
• 17:11
  Um, my brain's also gone. Guys are just too enamored.
• 17:16
  You're too enamored with one another.
• 17:18
  No, it's like, are you talking about like the energetics of
• 17:21
  selling and the energies of attraction?
• 17:23
  Like it's extremely hard to sell out events at the moment in this
• 17:26
  day and age, like extremely difficult.
• 17:29
  And I'm really open in talking about that and telling the world
• 17:32
  like, oh, I can't sell this event.
• 17:34
  Like, but watch me, I will do it.
• 17:36
  But there might be different methods that we go about it.
• 17:39
  Um, a few years ago, you wouldn't dare say that, I don't
• 17:43
  think. I don't think as an event
• 17:45
  planner or horse you would ever say can't sell this because you
• 17:49
  would think it would put everyone off.
• 17:52
  And now the world is so curated and so perfect looking and all
• 17:56
  the language we use is perfect. When you show up on camera and
• 17:59
  say I can't sell this, can you all come?
• 18:01
  Can you all go home and buy? Chicken wire that about you.
• 18:05
  I like I've said this about the way you do your motherhood and
• 18:09
  the way that you sell your events.
• 18:10
  I really admire that you are showing that messy behind.
• 18:13
  I think because I've I've felt quite insecure, like am I the
• 18:16
  right person for this job? So I feel like I have to show
• 18:19
  like, the Polish, Polish. And so I think it's really
• 18:24
  refreshing for you when you do that.
• 18:25
  And that's why people connect to it because they're like, yeah,
• 18:27
  if they've ever tried to do an event, they know the roller
• 18:29
  coaster of it. And then to your point of
• 18:33
  asking, like, how does this benefit us both?
• 18:35
  I think that's a sticky point for many women in business
• 18:37
  because we feel, I know this for the ladies in my community,
• 18:40
  there's so much guilt about earning money.
• 18:43
  So many of the women are like, it's all about the fulfillment.
• 18:47
  And I'm like, yeah, and I need to pay some bills.
• 18:52
  And this is not a business if I'm not making money.
• 18:55
  So let's both work to make our companies successful, yes, make
• 18:59
  some money, support our families, yes, and do something
• 19:02
  fulfilling. Yes, OK.
• 19:03
  I want to ask really tactically, what?
• 19:06
  So when you say yes to a collaboration opportunity or you
• 19:10
  say yes to promote somebody's thing or lifting somebody else
• 19:13
  up, whether it's in your business or not, Like I want you
• 19:16
  both to talk about what the cost is to you.
• 19:19
  And I mean cost in a good way. So like for instance, Emily,
• 19:22
  someone says, oh, can you come to my event or like, can you
• 19:25
  help me? Like can you share about this?
• 19:28
  Like actually explain to people, like, what does that look like
• 19:31
  behind the scenes? Because people might say like,
• 19:33
  oh, I asked her and she wouldn't like share about my thing.
• 19:37
  It there's like there's a cost to everything to doing that.
• 19:41
  So like what are the? Costs, there is and I am
• 19:43
  honestly only just realizing that time is a huge cost.
• 19:48
  And so far I've given a lot of it to do in that.
• 19:52
  And I'm just about to pivot a little bit in that.
• 19:54
  It will be more structured in how I go about doing that
• 19:58
  because again, that is a service and I've only just realised that
• 20:02
  event promotion, which sounds like nightclub era.
• 20:08
  These are. Services.
• 20:09
  They used to get paid bank to fill those clubs back in my
• 20:13
  university. Total service.
• 20:15
  Those guys were raking it in. They were.
• 20:17
  So I've felt like I'm just helping friends out so far and
• 20:22
  now my time is becoming more and more, um, it feels like it's
• 20:27
  like gold dust spare time. It needs to transfer, translate
• 20:32
  into revenue. It has to.
• 20:35
  And I think I'm OK with it and asking for money in exchange for
• 20:40
  my time because I know how deep rooted my community is.
• 20:45
  And if I suggest something, then no, I'm not just saying it for
• 20:48
  the sake of it. They know that I spend my time
• 20:50
  going there and I totally believe in it.
• 20:52
  Um, so they will follow suit and they will go because they want,
• 20:57
  there's so much noise and so many things going on.
• 20:59
  If someone can filter that's worth going to like, I would
• 21:03
  definitely go to what I've posted.
• 21:05
  Totally, totally. Chrisso, yeah, just say I, I
• 21:11
  have just been saying yes to everyone and I would really make
• 21:15
  the decision on the person because if I love the person
• 21:19
  instantly and I believe in them, I tend to believe in whatever
• 21:22
  they're producing, to be honest. OK, how do you say no?
• 21:25
  That is, I think that is where what we need to talk about too
• 21:29
  is say there's the thing that's just slightly, like you might
• 21:33
  even love the person, but you're like, oh, it's not quite, you
• 21:37
  know, it's not quite for the people that are watching my
• 21:39
  stories or like, I really can't think of anyone that I think
• 21:42
  would actually be a great fit for this.
• 21:43
  How are you saying no? I actually haven't had many of
• 21:46
  those. There's not many things ever
• 21:49
  that fall on my lap where I think it wouldn't align with the
• 21:51
  community. Um.
• 21:53
  What about speakers you get pitched?
• 21:56
  Speaker time. Do you get a lot of speakers
• 21:59
  asking what I have found? And this doesn't align with how
• 22:04
  I move through the world because I put my name forward and put my
• 22:08
  hand off. Yeah.
• 22:09
  I don't actually go and physically ask anyone directly
• 22:12
  ever. But I like, tell the world as
• 22:14
  like an open advert. I'm ready.
• 22:17
  I'm here if you want me. Yeah, generally I find the
• 22:21
  people that ask, sometimes it's not the right fit and I tend to
• 22:28
  quietly go seeking and just absorb them.
• 22:32
  I just put myself in the room and see who stands out to me as
• 22:36
  the right fit. And then I kind of pursue that
• 22:38
  as a relationship 1st. And somebody gave me really good
• 22:41
  advice once of see how the person that you're gonna work
• 22:44
  with treats the server because you're in the world of human
• 22:47
  connection. Take them for a coffee, but
• 22:49
  don't listen to the content so much.
• 22:51
  See how they operate around the room and do they take their cut
• 22:55
  back and do they ask the server how they're doing and how
• 22:58
  they're polite and friendly. And there's been a few times, it
• 23:01
  sounds so basic and you would think that everyone you would go
• 23:04
  for a coffee with would perform perfectly as matching their
• 23:09
  marketing coffee. It doesn't.
• 23:11
  There's been loads of times where I've left thinking I'm
• 23:13
  going to have, that's like a mental ex for me.
• 23:16
  Oh, I think you're a bit rude. I think you thought you were
• 23:19
  better than the person cleaning the floor like you're not.
• 23:21
  So that doesn't align with us. Oh my gosh, Christine, what
• 23:24
  about you? I think it's really intuition
• 23:27
  based. I would say as far as speakers
• 23:30
  go, I feel like I have a really good gut instinct of what my
• 23:34
  community needs, what I need at this level of business.
• 23:36
  So I really am searching out specific things at certain
• 23:39
  times. I like it if somebody is, I know
• 23:43
  them. I'm not going to give somebody a
• 23:44
  platform if I've never interacted with them.
• 23:47
  I have no idea what they stand for.
• 23:48
  So it's similar to what you're saying.
• 23:50
  There needs to be some kind of relationship.
• 23:53
  Um, so I, I really don't love the ones that are like, I've
• 23:57
  never been to anything. I don't even follow you.
• 24:01
  And I'd love to be a speaker. I'm like, great, you and
• 24:04
  everybody else. Like I got a great platform.
• 24:08
  For doing to actually show that like you can say it but what are
• 24:11
  you doing to show that you want to be a speaker yes so I like
• 24:14
  people that are invested and I see them doing cool things in
• 24:17
  the community so. How are you navigating Christine
• 24:20
  and then Emily after, How are you navigating the conversations
• 24:24
  going back to money and how how we need to get paid for what we
• 24:28
  do and what we do best and what we have spent our lives building
• 24:32
  towards. This isn't just a moment in time
• 24:33
  and all of a sudden you're saying pay me $300.00 for a
• 24:36
  consulting session. This is 20 years building
• 24:38
  whatever this is power. Have you started to decipher or
• 24:42
  how do you move through the world?
• 24:43
  When people say, Christine, I love what you're doing, can I
• 24:45
  pick your brain? Yeah, I have great mentors in
• 24:49
  place. I work with mentors called
• 24:52
  Living in Balance. And so I've had to work through
• 24:54
  a lot of money blogs. I've had to work through getting
• 24:57
  a lot of clarity on my business. And so I really have now my
• 25:02
  offers. These are my offers.
• 25:04
  And these are the ways that you can work with me because in the
• 25:06
  beginning I would just make up new ways to work with me.
• 25:09
  And I'd be like, oh, maybe I do have a consulting thing.
• 25:11
  Maybe I have this and I'm like, this is it.
• 25:13
  If you want to pick my brain, come to an event.
• 25:16
  I'm often sitting there after the event and I'm we're
• 25:18
  chitchatting. Like we're really connecting.
• 25:20
  We're talking about real things about business.
• 25:22
  So common, be in the room, put yourself in proximity to these
• 25:26
  situations where you can, um, so again, community, community,
• 25:30
  community. Yes, I love that.
• 25:32
  Here's where I'm going to be come, especially as someone who
• 25:35
  is an event host. You're like, you're not saying
• 25:38
  like like yes, you're like, yeah, pay 50 bucks or 100,
• 25:40
  whatever it is. Like it's it's cheaper than it
• 25:43
  would be. Not to downplay, not to cheapen
• 25:44
  you, but you know, I mean, it's like versus filling your
• 25:47
  calendar. I'm like raising my hand, asking
• 25:49
  for a friend because this happens to me all the freaking
• 25:52
  time. And this is something I'm really
• 25:53
  starting to be more conscious of is being more discerning with
• 25:55
  the yeses because that's taking me away from my work, which is
• 25:58
  then taking away from my time. I was working this past weekend
• 26:02
  and I said to my husband at the playground, I was like, am I
• 26:05
  with our kids enough? I did that moment.
• 26:08
  You have two kids or three kids. Emily you.
• 26:10
  Have two and on the drive here it's good though, because having
• 26:16
  those moments makes you step into that confident ask of
• 26:21
  actually I need to be paid for that and then it removes the
• 26:25
  emotion and it's just a fact. Yes, you know, Yes.
• 26:29
  How are you? Doing don't have this issue.
• 26:32
  They're not like. Oh, somebody wants me to come to
• 26:35
  their event and just like, film it for free.
• 26:37
  They're like, is this paid or not?
• 26:38
  And you're like, no, it's not paid.
• 26:40
  And then they're like, OK, I'm not doing that.
• 26:42
  Like I just feel like women, like there is a danger with this
• 26:44
  collaborative thing where we're not really exchanging
• 26:48
  energetically enough. So I think you have to be really
• 26:52
  clear on what your partnership arrangements are.
• 26:54
  And I've really been doing that with the Motherhood Summit is
• 26:56
  being like, this is what I'm providing you.
• 26:58
  This is what you're providing me.
• 27:00
  Does this feel good for both of us?
• 27:02
  If it doesn't, we discuss it, we tweak it, we go back to the
• 27:04
  drawing board. But there needs to be an
• 27:06
  understanding that we are both running businesses and it has to
• 27:09
  service both. Yes, yes.
• 27:12
  It's so, well, it's so true, Like Emily's sent me these voice
• 27:15
  notes before we go back and forth sometimes on these like
• 27:18
  big, grandiose, like where are we going in life?
• 27:20
  And you're like, we're going to the stars, you know, like we're,
• 27:24
  we're going to create these abundant lives.
• 27:26
  And, and Christine, you, I know that you're part of this too.
• 27:29
  And we just have to like say it. And why does it have to be like,
• 27:34
  no, I'm not going to do this thing because you're not paying
• 27:37
  me. Why can't we just why can't we
• 27:39
  further to our conversation earlier?
• 27:41
  Why can't we like, listen, I need to start like pull back the
• 27:44
  curtain. I need to start getting paid for
• 27:47
  these things. That's why I'm saying this.
• 27:48
  If that makes you feel better, I do.
• 27:50
  I justify it but you just have to call it out like hey I'm
• 27:54
  working on this. Yeah, I just say the messy sent
• 27:56
  like, yeah, it's not Polish, but you know what, I haven't got any
• 27:59
  time and if you pay me, yeah, I'll come.
• 28:02
  Yes, yeah, I. Don't want it?
• 28:04
  That's. Fine.
• 28:05
  Yeah, we talk a lot about boundaries and I think you can
• 28:08
  have boundaries and not be an asshole.
• 28:10
  So you can say like, listen, I have three children.
• 28:13
  I'm trying to run a business. I am a slow preneur at this
• 28:15
  point. I am struggling a lot of the
• 28:18
  time. So if you want to move up my
• 28:20
  priority list, there's a few ways you could do that.
• 28:23
  You could join my community. You can come to an event, maybe
• 28:26
  you know, there's, there's ways that we can connect here.
• 28:28
  And also I always like to put it through a filter of does it
• 28:32
  bring me joy? Like sometimes I just want to
• 28:34
  go, I just want to be there. Does it move me towards my
• 28:37
  goals? And do I have the capacity to do
• 28:39
  this well? O if I can't do those two or
• 28:42
  three of those, I just can't do it.
• 28:44
  And sometimes it's not about money, it's not about anything,
• 28:46
  but it's, I can't, I can't give this the attention that it needs
• 28:49
  to do it well. And I don't put out shitty work.
• 28:52
  So sorry, it's not going to work this time.
• 28:54
  But I really love long term relationships.
• 28:57
  So just because it's not now doesn't mean it's never
• 29:00
  Fernanda. She's at the graphic designer
• 29:02
  that helped me do the brand for the Motherhood Summit.
• 29:05
  We met 2 1/2 years ago and I was like obsessed with brunette
• 29:09
  Fernanda. But she is very good at what she
• 29:11
  does. Couldn't afford it, doesn't mean
• 29:14
  don't respect her. But I had to wait and the
• 29:17
  relationship grew and now I've got this amazing branding.
• 29:20
  It's beautiful. Like sometimes it just takes
• 29:22
  time. But if you're building real
• 29:23
  relationships, it's not that transactional.
• 29:26
  Like you didn't do this, I'm out, I don't care.
• 29:28
  Yes, for the person who's listening, who is looking up to
• 29:32
  both of you of of which, if they're watching this listening,
• 29:36
  they probably know you and they're like, wow, you're both
• 29:40
  such impressive women and your people that I want to Hey, hey,
• 29:46
  pipe it you in the back. I hope you're watching this on
• 29:50
  YouTube that are like shrinking back away from the mic.
• 29:56
  You guys are all like cell phone and so cute and they do want a
• 30:04
  piece of you and they do want to get their foot in the door and
• 30:07
  they want to learn from people like you and they're at that
• 30:09
  point where they can't afford you.
• 30:12
  You're saying like, OK, so 2 of you are in events, so these
• 30:16
  people can just come to an event.
• 30:18
  What are some other ways that you think people who are like
• 30:20
  just everything feels very unattainable.
• 30:22
  They're saying they're still corporate job, they maybe want
• 30:24
  to leave or they just want to shake something up.
• 30:27
  But the the tension between where they are and where you 2
• 30:30
  are just feels so big. What advice are you giving that
• 30:34
  person? I'm a terrible one to ask
• 30:36
  because I just leave no time for the logic and thoughts and I
• 30:42
  just do. I just have the thought and it's
• 30:45
  all in one motion. The action is happening.
• 30:47
  And so I think we touched upon it the other day in our little
• 30:50
  group chat of fear. That's why I don't feel it,
• 30:53
  because there's no time to feel it because I'm already in the
• 30:56
  motion and then I'm on to the next thing by the time it might
• 30:59
  happen. So it's like I don't really
• 31:02
  resonate with the fear or the indecision or I'm just like
• 31:06
  doing it. And the way that I justify
• 31:11
  acting so quickly and not minding about the outcome or if
• 31:14
  it doesn't go to plan is I just bring everyone along for the
• 31:17
  journey, knowing that it might inspire one person to take the
• 31:20
  leap on the way. But the longer you leave between
• 31:23
  that urge to do something, actually, do you know what
• 31:26
  happens in that time? Someone else starts it.
• 31:29
  Some stupid person like me with no experience starts it and
• 31:33
  gains the reps and the experience in real time while
• 31:36
  you've built out the business plan and the strategy.
• 31:39
  I'm not saying don't do that, but I don't personally do that.
• 31:44
  And then a year in, we hit our first birthday with Diane
• 31:47
  Wilder, and I sat right in the business strategy.
• 31:49
  It was like laughing, thinking most people do this first, but I
• 31:52
  couldn't have done it. And it wouldn't have had any
• 31:55
  relevance to what it now is if I'd have planned it because it's
• 31:59
  just evolving so quickly. Everyone that works with me
• 32:03
  behind the scenes, he's like, oh God, like it's the first of the
• 32:06
  month. Here she goes.
• 32:08
  She wants everything rewording. She wants all new imagery.
• 32:11
  She wants all these things. And it's so exciting and so fun.
• 32:15
  And we're just learning as we go.
• 32:18
  But a hell of a lot of people stop me and say, oh, we were
• 32:21
  going to start a dinner series. And I think all you should have
• 32:23
  done just do it. Yeah.
• 32:25
  And you still. Can yes.
• 32:26
  Yes, but like just do it. Yes, And now I've learnt it.
• 32:29
  Now I wanna help everyone else do it and maybe have lots of
• 32:34
  different arms of the business. Hmm.
• 32:37
  I love. I love the uncertainty.
• 32:40
  Christine, I think you're different.
• 32:41
  I'm very. Opposite of that out of anxiety
• 32:44
  and fear. Um, it actually makes me really
• 32:47
  uncomfortable when you say people looking at you amazing
• 32:50
  women are going to wonder how you got here and how you've done
• 32:53
  all this because it's just been, this is similar messy, intuitive
• 32:59
  then, but like with lots of fear and anxiety, like every level
• 33:04
  I'm like, I don't know if I could do this.
• 33:06
  This seems really terrible. I'm probably going to fail at
• 33:08
  this, but you build up that level of self trust and now I'm
• 33:12
  like, oh, I've got this. Like, even if I don't know, like
• 33:15
  when I opened up the registration page, Fernando sent
• 33:18
  me all the graphics, all the branding, and I was like, I
• 33:19
  gotta make a sales page on this. I don't know what this is going
• 33:22
  to look like, but I now have this internal trust.
• 33:24
  Like, I will work on this until I am really proud of it.
• 33:28
  And that's what I know about myself.
• 33:30
  So it's just building that self trust, following your curiosity
• 33:34
  and those reps, like you said, lead you some.
• 33:38
  Now I'm looking back, I'm like, Oh my gosh, like I don't even
• 33:40
  recognize who I was before because I've just kept going.
• 33:44
  So consistency. And I think that there's no
• 33:46
  problem with having the fear either.
• 33:48
  Yeah, I feel fortunate that I don't cause I'm just in the
• 33:51
  messy middle. But also for me, as long as
• 33:54
  you're doing it, who cares? Like maybe we're not supposed to
• 33:59
  say that, but I don't care how I feel in my body while I'm in the
• 34:03
  motion, as long as I'm in the motion going to where I know I
• 34:06
  want to be. Someone asked me on a panel the
• 34:09
  other day by imposter syndrome and I said why is it so bad?
• 34:13
  Like why is it such a bad thing to have imposter syndrome?
• 34:15
  I wanna have it all the time, everyday.
• 34:18
  I wanna be at the table with people who are way smarter, way
• 34:22
  wiser than me. And I want to be doing the thing
• 34:24
  that makes me feel really uncomfortable because I feel
• 34:26
  like I shouldn't quite be there. We're all human means that you
• 34:29
  grow it. You're growing if you just in
• 34:31
  total comfort and avoiding imposter syndrome.
• 34:35
  Sounds so boring. You're not doing that much.
• 34:38
  No, and there's somebody said about creating in a vacuum,
• 34:41
  which is what you're both touching on as well, where like
• 34:44
  the the things that you think in your head.
• 34:47
  And I'm not talking about like market research and like testing
• 34:49
  a concept, but I mean like doing the thing, getting the reps in
• 34:53
  and then being like, oh, I'm going to go to this event.
• 34:55
  I'm going to spend my good money.
• 34:56
  That maybe feels like a stretch to go to a dinner or to go to a
• 34:59
  summit or an event. And I'm going to feel
• 35:02
  uncomfortable because I actually don't know a soul there.
• 35:05
  And I'm going to have to spend the time.
• 35:06
  Like there's a lot that goes into even showing up somewhere.
• 35:09
  But I had this idea of this thing, and then I went to this
• 35:12
  event and I heard these amazing women speak.
• 35:15
  And I met this graphic designer who was just starting out and
• 35:18
  she wanted to do a trade. And then and then it sparked
• 35:20
  this other idea because I spoke to, like, when we stay at home,
• 35:24
  and this is something I know both of you talk about a lot, we
• 35:26
  stay at home over plunking away on our laptops, and we're
• 35:29
  creating everything in our brains.
• 35:31
  It like, it's not fun. Maybe it's fun for you if you're
• 35:35
  a coder. I need both.
• 35:37
  I don't know. Yeah, but I don't know.
• 35:40
  It's just like neither of you would be where you are if you
• 35:42
  didn't just go out and try the damn thing and then tweak it the
• 35:45
  next time. And that's, I think that's even
• 35:47
  with the season, like I'm very much against hustle culture
• 35:51
  trying to be, but I'm also very passionate about what I'm doing.
• 35:55
  So what I've learned is that I do best if I can like these big
• 35:59
  events. So I do my motherhood summit.
• 36:00
  I have my summer social and I have a Christmas party.
• 36:02
  Those are my big ones. And I want to grind it out and
• 36:06
  like put my heart and soul into those and then be like, tune
• 36:10
  back into my family, tune back into all of the things.
• 36:12
  How did that feel? Learn from how that season felt
• 36:15
  and then adjust for the next time.
• 36:16
  So I'm very ADHD, I am hyper focused when I'm on something.
• 36:21
  So I know that I can't do a year of that.
• 36:23
  I will kill myself. I will end up divorced.
• 36:26
  So this is how I have found a way that I can use my, my skill
• 36:31
  set, my way of being and make it work for me.
• 36:34
  And I think it's just constant recalibration of like, OK, I did
• 36:37
  this, it felt good, didn't feel good.
• 36:40
  Like and then you just adjust as you go.
• 36:41
  I love that, especially from that motherhood perspective.
• 36:44
  You have three kids. Yeah, you have a business.
• 36:46
  Your kids are spanning expand in ages too.
• 36:48
  Like they're kind of indifferent.
• 36:49
  You've got somewhat little. 1 to 14.
• 36:51
  Yeah, those are like your, I guess your 8 year old started to
• 36:54
  kind of get into maybe that tween phase, but they probably
• 36:57
  require different things of you in different seasons as well.
• 36:59
  And I resonate with that with the like go hard and then come
• 37:04
  down. Like I go away a lot and it's
• 37:06
  like I don't really work a ton when I'm away.
• 37:09
  But then I love to just like go hand like the Oh my God.
• 37:12
  We got back from Florida that Thursday.
• 37:14
  We got back on a Saturday. That Thursday I hosted my very
• 37:16
  first breakfast. And as you both know, when you
• 37:19
  have something launched the first time, it is like a million
• 37:23
  times harder and then it. Gets easier, yeah, I think Brené
• 37:26
  Brown says DTF the fucking first time is that.
• 37:32
  TF yeah TF yes TF is done. Fuck.
• 37:40
  There's nothing yet. So Brené Brown is now a sex
• 37:44
  counselor. She's pivoting the fucking first
• 37:50
  shot. It's so true.
• 37:51
  It's so true. Oh, I'm so happy about that.
• 37:55
  Just happened. I don't even know where I was
• 37:58
  going with that. It was hard.
• 38:00
  You did. Your mother did.
• 38:02
  Like I really like the like the highs and for that works for my
• 38:05
  family too. Emily, what about you?
• 38:07
  You have two little little guys at home.
• 38:10
  You seem to be going nonstop. How do?
• 38:13
  You feel really awkward about it, you know, Because why?
• 38:17
  That's how I thrive. I just love when you're talking
• 38:22
  about the switching off and like going away for ages.
• 38:25
  It that fills me with anxiety. And I'm not trying to promote
• 38:31
  hustle culture but why I have stepped into recently is just
• 38:35
  sharing how I live and not worrying so much because we
• 38:40
  don't all have to work in the same way.
• 38:43
  And I do really thrive in the gurgle gurgle.
• 38:47
  And people like worry about me or they see my calendar or they
• 38:52
  see me at 4 events in a day and I wouldn't do it if it didn't
• 38:56
  fill me up. It like completely sets my soul
• 38:59
  on fire to be in person and that is not everyone's cup of tea.
• 39:03
  But I know that This is why Diane Wilder, Emily Wilder,
• 39:07
  whatever this whole thing is that I'm building and he's going
• 39:11
  to thrive with in person events because that's where I find my
• 39:15
  energy. Me sitting at home on the
• 39:17
  laptop, unless it's something like copywriting newsletter,
• 39:22
  whatever it is, to me that's still kind of in person because
• 39:26
  I know the other person's gonna read it.
• 39:28
  But if it's just like me working on bookkeeping or whatever, like
• 39:31
  it's not happening. It's just not happening.
• 39:34
  The phone for 45 minutes talking about anything but Bucky.
• 39:39
  I do really thrive with very, very full days.
• 39:44
  And I think that's it. It's knowing how you thrive.
• 39:46
  Like I am very aware that when I am overworking, I am a sugar
• 39:51
  junkie. Like, I don't drink much, you
• 39:53
  know, before a gummy over wine even, But I am a sugar junkie.
• 39:57
  So right now I'm in a push season and I'm like living on
• 40:00
  these strawberry straws. They're disgusting.
• 40:03
  They're from the dollar store. They're so good.
• 40:04
  But it's like my dirty secret. So I know that I can't sustain
• 40:09
  this because I'm not eating well.
• 40:11
  I'm not moving as much as I should.
• 40:13
  I'm just pushing. So that's where I'd be like, OK,
• 40:16
  next time I need to adjust this so that I can live the way that
• 40:19
  I want to live. But if you're able to thrive in
• 40:22
  this, then all the power to you. Do you think there's just
• 40:24
  different seasons too? And I don't really spend much
• 40:28
  time, anyone my age. Most people are 15 years older
• 40:31
  than me. That's always been the case my
• 40:33
  whole life. And so those women are much
• 40:37
  wiser and have so much more life experience and know that I might
• 40:42
  burn out. But some of them also stop me
• 40:45
  and say, do you know what? Just go while you've got the
• 40:48
  energy. Absolutely grind.
• 40:51
  And like, sorry to use those words, but like, burn the candle
• 40:54
  at both ends. And my mum says it to me,
• 40:56
  knowing we're very, very similar.
• 40:58
  She wrongly or rightly tells me burn that candle now, because
• 41:03
  then you'll be so set off for when you haven't got that much
• 41:06
  energy and it only 31. Like it is a bit wild having the
• 41:09
  children, I have to say. Um, and I was up in the kitchen
• 41:12
  making charcuterie platters till 1:00 AM and then the alarm went
• 41:15
  off at 5:00 and then we've got drop off and all these different
• 41:17
  things. But soon as I have a cup of tea
• 41:20
  and a shower and I put my hair and makeup inside, I feel really
• 41:23
  good. But at some point I.
• 41:27
  Mean what? I probably won't do that.
• 41:29
  Like my mum wouldn't do that now, you know.
• 41:31
  Yeah. So I'm just trying to make the
• 41:33
  most of it in this build and speaking up about it.
• 41:37
  Because last year I went to many events where the golden thread
• 41:41
  at all of them was rest and balance.
• 41:45
  And I really couldn't resonate with any of it.
• 41:48
  And I just felt like why is there no one like me talking
• 41:51
  about this grind at the beginning?
• 41:54
  Not grind Cause that sounds negative, but like the build.
• 41:58
  I couldn't find anyone saying that Um, and unfortunately if I
• 42:02
  want to do so many things this week, I did need to only have 4
• 42:06
  hours sleep last night. Like there's no other way of me
• 42:08
  achieving it. And tonight when I got on the
• 42:10
  panel, which I'm not very good at.
• 42:13
  And I started this conversation with my mum last night.
• 42:16
  Um, she said, how are you going to open it?
• 42:19
  And I said, well, I'll say like, this is our second time and I'm
• 42:22
  not very good at hosting a panel, but here we go.
• 42:25
  And she said, I'm don't share that.
• 42:27
  Like you don't need to share that you're not good at it
• 42:30
  because traditional psychology and marketing would tell us that
• 42:35
  that would put a sour taste in your guests miles and they would
• 42:38
  start to see all the things that you're doing that aren't
• 42:41
  perfect, but it's very much in line with the brand's values
• 42:45
  that I'm saying, I don't really know how to do this, but this is
• 42:49
  my second gut. And guess what we're going to
• 42:51
  do? Loads do have really good.
• 42:52
  So inspiring to the lady that's sitting there figuring I don't
• 42:55
  know how to do XYZ and you're like, now I'm at this level, I
• 42:59
  still don't know how to do it, but I'm certainly going to
• 43:01
  figure it out. Yes.
• 43:02
  You think it's. I think you should definitely
• 43:04
  keep doing what you're doing. How do you handle the opinions
• 43:08
  of others coming in? So even if you didn't, do you
• 43:11
  think that because you say Emily, you open that door and
• 43:15
  say, oh, I'm not very good at this?
• 43:16
  Does it incite people to want to come and give you solicited or
• 43:20
  unsolicited advice? Yeah, I got tons of it.
• 43:23
  Um, how do you filter it? And I think because I am so
• 43:27
  open, I get a hell of a lot of feedback.
• 43:30
  Like I'll get out the car at a coffee shop and someone that
• 43:32
  follows me that I don't even know will come over and say, do
• 43:35
  you know why you couldn't sell that event that you said to
• 43:37
  Instagram last week you've struggled?
• 43:39
  It's because it's this price point.
• 43:41
  It's because it's this location. It's because it's, oh, and
• 43:44
  sometimes when it's like the seventh opinion of the day, I
• 43:48
  actually went to bed crying the other night.
• 43:51
  I'd had so many opinions from really close people in my life
• 43:55
  on Friday. Um, they just started stacking
• 43:59
  over the day. And again, I have thick skin,
• 44:01
  but there was just so many of it, so many opinions.
• 44:05
  And I crashed on the couch at midnight and my stepdad Frank
• 44:09
  was there and I said I've crushed it today.
• 44:13
  I hadn't said anything positive about myself all day.
• 44:15
  And I said, I added 12 1/2 hours at my laptop and I've crushed
• 44:19
  it. I'm so hireable for this thing
• 44:24
  that I've not talked about yet. And he said, but no one's hiring
• 44:27
  you. My eyes just filled up.
• 44:31
  And I went upstairs and I cried my eyes out about it.
• 44:34
  And it's amazing because that'll fuel me.
• 44:37
  And that's how I keep going. And he was just being very
• 44:40
  matter of fact of like being. Honest, needed somebody yet
• 44:44
  there. Yeah, and he's my biggest fan in
• 44:47
  the world. He's so supportive.
• 44:50
  But all of these comments, everyone can justify, and they
• 44:54
  all were in a certain context. But when you're the one
• 44:57
  receiving it and my husband's in the UK and I called him and he
• 45:01
  said, oh, don't worry about it, just move on.
• 45:03
  And I said, would you ever get out of your truck and walk into
• 45:08
  that job site of the $20 million home while you're building a
• 45:11
  cabinet? Would anyone stop you on that
• 45:13
  journey from the car into the house?
• 45:15
  Who has never picked up a hammer or every uses and Sir?
• 45:20
  You're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.
• 45:23
  Wow. On slide into your DMS and send
• 45:26
  you a voice note saying This is why your calendar is not full
• 45:30
  next week. With jobs, nobody would ever.
• 45:32
  We would never. That's the price we pay though
• 45:34
  for putting ourselves out like we want that connection, so we
• 45:37
  have to be open to receive the connection.
• 45:40
  But sometimes. Sometimes.
• 45:41
  It's a lot, yeah. It's a lot.
• 45:44
  I appreciate you sharing that because I think I think it's a
• 45:48
  metaphor for like that is such a, you are an extreme example of
• 45:52
  that because you are so generous and open about your life and
• 45:54
  what you're moving through. And I think like just the
• 45:57
  average person listening is like, I'm getting opinions from
• 46:00
  my parents, from my partner, from my children who hate every
• 46:04
  meal I put in front of them. Like that's we all women get a
• 46:07
  lot. I don't know if I'm really
• 46:09
  general. Daughter told me I look like
• 46:10
  Shrek today because I was so lot of opinions.
• 46:15
  Kids are mean. What was the viral?
• 46:16
  What was the viral video? Train conductor This is my young
• 46:21
  one told me I look like Shrek. So like and it was she enamored,
• 46:25
  but she's. Like, no, she did not like it.
• 46:26
  She didn't. No, no, I said I'm going on a
• 46:27
  podcast. I feel kind of famous.
• 46:29
  She's like, you're not ever gonna be famous because you look
• 46:31
  like Shrek in the outfit. OK, so.
• 46:37
  What's her name? Illa illa illa.
• 46:39
  Illa, your mother looks beautiful and all of us
• 46:42
  coordinated. Looking like we planned it.
• 46:45
  Which we didn't. Christine, how do you deal with
• 46:50
  feedback and opinions? Because both of you have large,
• 46:54
  you're with a lot of people. When you're doing events, when
• 46:56
  you have communities and stuff, the idea is to have a lot of
• 46:59
  people come to them, ergo a lot of the pinettes filter.
• 47:03
  How are you? Filtering, Um, I think you have
• 47:06
  to, this is one of the things they say to my mentorship is put
• 47:08
  on your Teflon dress. And I think you have to be
• 47:12
  really grounded in yourself and know why you're doing it and
• 47:17
  what you stand for. And then you can take it and it
• 47:19
  can just kind of take it or it bounces off and you don't get
• 47:22
  too bothered by it. I was speaking to a woman on my
• 47:25
  hike this weekend and she was feeling very triggered because
• 47:28
  she's a stay at home mom. She's done it for a long time
• 47:30
  and she feels like people are judging that like, but if you
• 47:33
  get really. I know that.
• 47:35
  I know that I was not settled as a stay at home mom.
• 47:38
  So whenever anybody made any kind of comments, I really took
• 47:41
  it in and felt it very deeply like the judgment.
• 47:44
  But if you're so secure in your choices, those things don't
• 47:48
  bother you. So I think it's just that
• 47:50
  personal awareness and you need to go inward and figure out what
• 47:53
  it is that's doing. Yeah, As far as advice from
• 47:59
  people I kind of would like, I do take it in.
• 48:01
  I love different perspectives but it's getting quiet and it's
• 48:05
  hearing what is actually the true answer for me is what helps
• 48:08
  me. And if you're trying to create
• 48:10
  something a little bit different, I say this sentence
• 48:14
  all the time, but the world of events is so subjective.
• 48:18
  There's not like all of it can be right and all of it can be
• 48:21
  correct. Um, but you do have to quiet it
• 48:24
  a little bit because if you want to create something a bit
• 48:26
  different, like for example, for Feast, the conference in
• 48:32
  October, I've decided to go with a sexy vibe.
• 48:35
  Well, when you watch people's faces when you say sexy.
• 48:38
  I'm. Like I don't think.
• 48:40
  It's perfect marketing but when I told my mum she was like how
• 48:44
  are you going to sell tickets to something that's got like a sexy
• 48:48
  dress code when it's a professional development write
• 48:51
  off for some people? This question.
• 48:54
  You're most confident self like I know as you said I was like
• 48:57
  yes. And I'm like, but when do you go
• 48:59
  to anything that could be that also feels sexy in this?
• 49:02
  Maybe red velvet tablecloths and all these things.
• 49:07
  But if you start listening, it's difficult.
• 49:10
  The only thing I would say is there's a few markers in my mind
• 49:14
  of really offensive things people have said to me that have
• 49:19
  been my best moments. And the moment there's like two
• 49:24
  or three occasions where Frank has made me cry and that's the
• 49:29
  relationship we have. And it's not because he doesn't
• 49:32
  care and he knows how to create action in me.
• 49:39
  I respond very well to that. Really masculine, um,
• 49:45
  questioning and like when someone pokes me even in the
• 49:51
  moment, if I'm upset the next day or I'm on fire, yeah, like
• 49:55
  I'm unstoppable on that run that I've woken up and gone on.
• 49:59
  I'm going to take over the world and the men that do it to me.
• 50:02
  Nor that it triggers those things.
• 50:05
  And so it has always actually created really good things or
• 50:10
  they've shone a light on something.
• 50:12
  And the reason it's triggered me is because deep down I know they
• 50:15
  were right and I wasn't charging enough for that or I didn't know
• 50:18
  my numbers or whatever it is. So sometimes it is good if I get
• 50:24
  to that breaking point, Little bear, that's weird to say no.
• 50:28
  Not Phoenix, you're rise out, you're like, you just watch me.
• 50:31
  Yes, I had somebody say to me, so I just launched the society
• 50:35
  pages. This is the article that we are
• 50:37
  speaking about. And that had been in my in my
• 50:40
  brain since last January when I launched the Creative Society.
• 50:43
  I was like, I want to have this digital magazine.
• 50:45
  Maybe it becomes a real magazine, but it's I just saw it
• 50:48
  so clearly. And somebody said to me, I've
• 50:51
  seen so many women try to do that.
• 50:54
  It never works. And I was like, you've never
• 50:56
  seen me do it. So watch me.
• 51:00
  Yeah, like it's happening. Yeah, I quite like those
• 51:04
  comments, actually makes me want to prove them wrong and I know
• 51:07
  we shouldn't create work for that but.
• 51:10
  If it's part of you like it's part of the vision, then your
• 51:12
  little beaking off comment is not going to change my vision,
• 51:15
  no SO. And it comes back to this whole
• 51:18
  collaboration being triggered by people being triggered by
• 51:21
  comments like the trigger itself is a reflection and it's so
• 51:25
  annoying. People say that it's a
• 51:27
  reflection of something happening within you.
• 51:28
  The comments that, like hurt the most are the ones that are.
• 51:34
  There's something in that that either you think about yourself
• 51:39
  that resonates with you, that you're feeling a bit of
• 51:41
  scarcity. It's like the person who's like,
• 51:43
  you're never going to sell that dinner.
• 51:45
  The person is saying that there's no chance that they feel
• 51:49
  completely secure in how they're feeling and what they're doing
• 51:55
  with their life if they're telling another person that they
• 51:57
  can't. Like going back to Brené Brown,
• 51:59
  she always talks about the man of the arena quote, yes, who's
• 52:02
  who, Who said that? Eisenhower.
• 52:04
  No, not Eisenhower. Want some old American
• 52:06
  president. I think how it's like, don't
• 52:09
  judge. Like don't be on the sidelines.
• 52:11
  Absolutely not in the ring, wearing your shiny shoes when
• 52:14
  the person is like in the pit, in the mud, rolling around doing
• 52:17
  the damn thing and you're sitting there being like.
• 52:21
  I would have done it better. Imaginary world.
• 52:23
  People that are really successful would never, they
• 52:26
  don't give you any no commentary.
• 52:29
  The people doing more are not the ones.
• 52:30
  Could you? Yeah, yeah.
• 52:33
  Um, when I came up with my pricing for my first dinner, I
• 52:38
  will say the pricing just fell out of the sky because I had no
• 52:41
  numbers to work from because I've never done it.
• 52:43
  But I was kind of thinking, if I go out too cheap, how am I then
• 52:46
  going to increase it? Thank God, it was the pricing
• 52:49
  that I stuck with because it had to be like even that has only
• 52:52
  broke even a lot of the time. Um, but that was simply because
• 52:57
  I was telling people what I was going to do and they were saying
• 52:59
  you can't host dinners as a full time job.
• 53:02
  And I thought, why? It's a service.
• 53:04
  Watch me, I'm going to be a Horst.
• 53:07
  And also that's the vehicle for something else.
• 53:09
  Everything do is always the vehicle.
• 53:11
  So whatever. I've now got criticism.
• 53:14
  I've already kind of moved past that and we've nailed that bit
• 53:17
  and now I'm on to something else.
• 53:18
  I'm on to the next shiny thing. That was the vehicle.
• 53:21
  And that's the point that you end up getting all the criticism
• 53:23
  and the feedback from. Yeah, like takes a minute for
• 53:27
  the criticism to catch up. Hmm, I don't know.
• 53:30
  I don't even know what I'm talking about.
• 53:31
  I love. It there's a dirty little word
• 53:35
  that so many women, so many entrepreneurs.
• 53:38
  But let's talk about like female entrepreneurs, women who are in
• 53:41
  the workforce internally deal with, and that is competition.
• 53:48
  Unless you are playing sports in high school, I feel like we are
• 53:52
  not allowed to admit that we feel competitive.
• 53:56
  And if we say we feel competitive, we have to say I'm
• 54:00
  mainly competitive with myself. We were talking about this a
• 54:03
  little bit before and it's true. All three of us are 100% mostly
• 54:07
  competitive with ourselves. But OK, Christine, yes,
• 54:10
  competition. Emily is your competition.
• 54:13
  In some ways. In some ways, in certain areas,
• 54:17
  how do you use competition? How do you see competition in
• 54:21
  this topic of collaboration? Well, I guess I, I looked at her
• 54:23
  and I was like, I was felt like she was competition and I was
• 54:27
  like, I'm triggered because she's charging proper rates.
• 54:31
  I'm, I'm triggered because she is mothering in this way that is
• 54:35
  like messy and funny and she's giggling all the time and I'm
• 54:39
  taking it all so serious. So I just, I just learned from
• 54:43
  her. Like these are the things I'm
• 54:44
  like, OK, I need to work on my money blocks.
• 54:47
  I need to not feel. So I take it so personally, I
• 54:51
  feel like things are not going perfectly with my children.
• 54:53
  Like I don't have to do it the way I was raised or the way that
• 54:58
  the neighbors are doing it. And so she kind of gave me
• 55:00
  permission to do it in a different way.
• 55:02
  Like what about the motherhood? Give me an example.
• 55:05
  I really struggled when my kids were younger.
• 55:08
  I struggled a lot with my mental health.
• 55:10
  We've we've dealt with a lot in the early years.
• 55:13
  So it didn't feel fun. And so there is that, like, I
• 55:16
  wish, I wish I could go back and do it and it felt more fun the
• 55:19
  way it looks like it's happening for you guys.
• 55:21
  So that, yeah, that can make me cry.
• 55:23
  That's a whole other story. So yeah, that was a big part of
• 55:27
  it is like just looking at yourself.
• 55:29
  It's all about you. It's nothing to do with the
• 55:31
  other woman. It's she's just a mere.
• 55:33
  That is it. Thank you for sharing that, that
• 55:37
  is, but that resonates so much because I think everybody
• 55:40
  listening, whether it is the early days, whether it's the
• 55:42
  postpartum, whether it's the pregnancy, whether it's the
• 55:45
  return to work. And the person next to you was
• 55:47
  like, oh, how excited are you for that hot cup of coffee?
• 55:50
  And then you might be the woman that's like, I don't fucking
• 55:52
  want to go to work. Like I can't imagine being away
• 55:55
  from my child. And then there's other person
• 55:57
  who's like, whoa, like I feel good at five months.
• 55:59
  And this is this is what fuels my soul.
• 56:01
  And those, those, those moments where like that discomfort, we
• 56:05
  look back and say, oh, why did I feel that way?
• 56:08
  Or the women who say, why didn't you just like love your like
• 56:12
  just love your body at this point because later on you're
• 56:14
  going to look and be like, why didn't I just love that moment?
• 56:17
  We all. Have that.
• 56:18
  Yeah. Right.
• 56:19
  And it's and I just appreciate you showing that because that's
• 56:22
  like we can all think of that moment that we didn't love in
• 56:26
  the moment or enjoy or have more fun or levity around.
• 56:29
  I'll share an example recently that ah, this is like, and these
• 56:34
  are the ones to share when you just like make it makes me wanna
• 56:36
  vomit. Like this is so dumb, but so, so
• 56:39
  real. Like daughters 5th birthday
• 56:42
  party at a rec centre in North Vancouver.
• 56:45
  This is not high stakes. OK, but I had a lot going on.
• 56:50
  I was doing lots of podcasts like I've just been in so like
• 56:53
  having so much fun. I do have decent, you know,
• 56:55
  quote UN quote work life balance, whatever that looks
• 56:57
  like. But it was just I think it was a
• 56:59
  busy season. I don't even know I'm justifying
• 57:00
  this, but it was busy. And I my daughter loves like
• 57:05
  sparkles and princessy things and she's just so visual.
• 57:08
  She loves like, oh, she's, she's the best and and I love that
• 57:12
  about her. And I really wanted to make this
• 57:13
  5th birthday party like beautiful and sparkly.
• 57:17
  I am not like the flower. I'm not doing the flower balloon
• 57:19
  thing. I'm not like making the food by
• 57:21
  any means, but I just wanted all the things and by the time we
• 57:25
  got to the birthday party at the recreation centre, low stakes
• 57:30
  really, not a lot going on. I was just like, I was at that
• 57:35
  point, like you with Frank, where I was like, I can't have
• 57:38
  one more like thing. I just felt so tapped out and it
• 57:43
  is so embarrassing for me to share this because I'm like, I
• 57:46
  know it's not actually embarrassing, but I my husband
• 57:48
  came up and he was like, oh, hey, do you I think it's the
• 57:50
  DoorDash for the pizzas on your phone.
• 57:52
  Can I see it? And I like kind of looked at him
• 57:54
  with those eyes, like, I'm gonna murder you.
• 57:57
  And I was like, just just take it.
• 57:59
  And I was chatting with my girlfriend Melissa, and he
• 58:02
  looked at me like, and then grabs it.
• 58:04
  And then the rest of the party. I just knew in that moment I'd
• 58:07
  really hurt him and he was just like cause I had been snapped
• 58:12
  probably like snippy with him all day.
• 58:13
  And we had this huge conversation later.
• 58:16
  He's like, it's just a 5th birthday party.
• 58:19
  And like, the stakes were not that high.
• 58:23
  And you were just like, not kind to me.
• 58:26
  And were you even enjoying it? And I was like, ah, he's so
• 58:31
  right. And it's like, irritating.
• 58:33
  And so then this past weekend, this is like the light at the
• 58:36
  end of the tunnel. He was like, hey, for Brody's
• 58:38
  birthday two months later, why don't I do it?
• 58:41
  He did the whole thing and we had the most amazing day on this
• 58:45
  past weekend. We went skating at Lonsdale Key
• 58:48
  and he looked at me and goes, hey, let's go do a lap.
• 58:51
  And he grabbed my hand and we skated around this ice rink and
• 58:54
  I was like, I feel no murderous thoughts towards you.
• 58:58
  This is so fun. And I had to be OK with then at
• 59:02
  the end of that being like, I for a moment I was almost like,
• 59:07
  oh, he can handle it more than I can.
• 59:10
  And I was feeling competitive with him about it.
• 59:13
  And I felt kind of sad. But then it was like, screw
• 59:16
  that. I got so much going on.
• 59:18
  There's so much. My brain.
• 59:19
  My brain is just more full. Anyways, like that was awesome.
• 59:23
  He had fun planning it and he did it and he did a great job
• 59:26
  and everybody had such a great time and I had such a great time
• 59:29
  and uh, it's those freaking moments, those triggers, those
• 59:34
  like competitive feelings, like competitive with my own husband,
• 59:39
  but. It's the same at work, though.
• 59:41
  I'm in business. When you have an attachment to
• 59:43
  the this perfect outcome, hmm, it doesn't allow for any real
• 59:48
  life to happen. And same for my events, like
• 59:53
  often so many things go wrong, Frank said last night.
• 59:56
  Well, don't be worried like nothing's ever gone wrong.
• 59:58
  I said, are you kidding? Have you ever gotten?
• 1:00:01
  To all of these things that have happened.
• 1:00:03
  And tell us the craziest 1. Oh God, all sorts.
• 1:00:07
  And someone had to. This isn't crazy, but just very
• 1:00:11
  basic. I often don't count the chairs
• 1:00:13
  before my guests come. Like totally unhinged really,
• 1:00:16
  because the only thing I need to do is make sure everyone has a
• 1:00:19
  seat. That's like, the only task is to
• 1:00:22
  go and count the chairs. And this little rebellious child
• 1:00:24
  in me is like, no, let's just see what happens.
• 1:00:27
  Well, there was no chairs. There wasn't enough chairs at
• 1:00:29
  the art gallery recently. Uh, fortunately some of the
• 1:00:32
  women I knew didn't mind and I just put them on little crates
• 1:00:35
  and then we found chairs in the meantime.
• 1:00:37
  But that's so minor. But there's so many things that
• 1:00:41
  happened. Like.
• 1:00:43
  But because I'm not attached to this perfect outcome and we're
• 1:00:47
  quite fortunate that the business is called Dime Wilder.
• 1:00:50
  So everything that goes wrong, the Mottel in houses, oh fuck,
• 1:00:54
  it's Diane Wilder. And we just roll with it.
• 1:00:57
  But if you have this idea of the perfect birthday party, there's
• 1:01:01
  so much room for error and you're always going to be
• 1:01:04
  disappointed and there's always going to be a million things.
• 1:01:07
  Um, it's just such ecclesia, isn't it?
• 1:01:09
  And then you go to the park and plan nothing and the kids have
• 1:01:11
  the best time. Ever I know and then it's it is
• 1:01:15
  that like that hindsight are like the looking at the event
• 1:01:18
  like in the moment you're like, oh, what could I have done
• 1:01:20
  better? I should have counted the
• 1:01:21
  terrible. There's nothing you can do to
• 1:01:24
  change it and if anything it's like a fond memory of like, OK,
• 1:01:27
  now we're going to like move through it or my mental health
• 1:01:29
  suffered. Wow, I got look at how like I'm
• 1:01:33
  so proud of that Christine. I'm like what she moved through
• 1:01:36
  when her mind was playing tricks on her in, I'm sure all sorts of
• 1:01:40
  different. Ways.
• 1:01:41
  Yeah. I think that's the fun I'm
• 1:01:44
  starting to learn that's the fun part of events is that something
• 1:01:47
  always doesn't workout and events are just about the pivot.
• 1:01:50
  Like how do you take what you thought it was going to be and
• 1:01:52
  shift it? And then you're like, this is so
• 1:01:54
  much better. And it's that trust that things
• 1:01:57
  will be the way they are meant to be.
• 1:01:59
  I find myself generally doing this when I'm trying to sell
• 1:02:01
  tickets. I'm like, there has to be this
• 1:02:02
  many people. And I get like, I'm not at that
• 1:02:04
  number. And then the event happens.
• 1:02:06
  I'm like, thank God there weren't that many people because
• 1:02:08
  we had space for this beautifully.
• 1:02:10
  And it's always works out the way that it's meant to work out.
• 1:02:14
  And you just have to kind of trust that a little bit and.
• 1:02:17
  Trust in yourself. Very critical of myself, so
• 1:02:20
  feast. For example, I wanted 150 people
• 1:02:23
  in the room. So many things I did wrong.
• 1:02:26
  Um, and it was a total feat and amazing.
• 1:02:32
  Miracle Slash worked my ass off to make sure that there was 110
• 1:02:37
  people in the room with a wait list.
• 1:02:39
  But there will still always be something in the back of my mind
• 1:02:42
  I did feel there like there should have been 150 because
• 1:02:45
  that's what I decided. And how could I not get 150 with
• 1:02:49
  the amount of people that live in this city?
• 1:02:51
  Like it wasn't. It was a total success, but it
• 1:02:54
  was also a failure. But that's what makes it better
• 1:02:56
  next time. I fully understand high
• 1:03:00
  standards, so there's. Always 150 this year that isn't
• 1:03:03
  the goal because it was better, but because I decided and I
• 1:03:07
  didn't follow through with it. That's like a secret little
• 1:03:10
  failure on my part. Well, now the whole world is
• 1:03:12
  hearing it. There's.
• 1:03:15
  Something OK, I like that there is something to be said about
• 1:03:18
  the conflict, the competitiveness and like being
• 1:03:20
  hard on yourself, which I'm perpetually hard on myself for
• 1:03:22
  everything. My husband's like you've got
• 1:03:24
  like rain this in this is like a problem.
• 1:03:27
  And there's something about that though, because if you don't
• 1:03:30
  look at the thing and be like, Oh my God, I just want to win so
• 1:03:35
  badly. It's not the thing.
• 1:03:37
  Like I've done things where we're like, there was this
• 1:03:41
  opportunity where I was going to be doing some work years and
• 1:03:43
  years, years ago in this way with these people.
• 1:03:47
  And I was like, there's something like, I don't want to
• 1:03:51
  win this. Like I don't want to get this
• 1:03:53
  job. And I'm being so cagey, but I, I
• 1:03:58
  remember thinking like, OK, if there was like other people like
• 1:04:01
  running and gunning for this position, like what I do, I feel
• 1:04:04
  competition. I'm like, hell no.
• 1:04:05
  If anything, I'm like leaning back And that's like, that's a
• 1:04:08
  problem. That's such a problem.
• 1:04:10
  Or if you're not feeling excited or nervous about the thing.
• 1:04:12
  When I launched my breakfast club last week, people kept
• 1:04:15
  saying, how are you feeling? I'm like it's all good, like
• 1:04:17
  it's all sorted but I'm nervous. What's the name of it?
• 1:04:21
  Yeah, excited. It was so.
• 1:04:23
  Excited exactly. Nearsighted 100% and then
• 1:04:26
  afterwards like how did it go? And I'm like, it was awesome.
• 1:04:31
  And there is such a list of things like.
• 1:04:35
  That's why we're doing what we're doing.
• 1:04:37
  We're operating at this level because that's how our brains
• 1:04:39
  work. My husband looks at me with such
• 1:04:40
  pity. He's like, your brain is making
• 1:04:43
  me tired. Like I don't understand how you
• 1:04:45
  live in there. He's always says he wants to
• 1:04:47
  give me a lobotomy. And the other day I was like,
• 1:04:49
  no, my brain is beautiful and it helps me do all these amazing
• 1:04:53
  things. Like I'm wired very in a very
• 1:04:56
  fun way. And you know, I was feeling
• 1:04:58
  guilty this weekend because I try not to work on weekends and
• 1:05:01
  I am working on weekends big time right now.
• 1:05:04
  And then both of you were also up at 7:30 in the morning
• 1:05:07
  working and I was like, oh, right.
• 1:05:09
  Like we are operating at a very high level and that requires
• 1:05:13
  sacrifice sometimes. And that requires that you look
• 1:05:15
  at the things that weren't 100 and you elevate them next time.
• 1:05:19
  So. The key is just to move really
• 1:05:21
  fast. Like take it, take it with a
• 1:05:24
  pinch of salt, collect the data the next day after an event.
• 1:05:27
  I pick it apart for two hours at Starbucks every single time.
• 1:05:30
  I don't go to bed at all the night of an event tomorrow I'll
• 1:05:33
  be there and Gabby and I, we just unpack it and it is so
• 1:05:39
  funny if you read like the testimonials from the guests
• 1:05:42
  versus mine and my check photographers feedback of
• 1:05:45
  ourselves. He'd never come again.
• 1:05:49
  Like he'd never come back. We're like, oh terrible, that's
• 1:05:52
  terrible. That drinks in there like all
• 1:05:54
  the things, but you have to just take it and then go because
• 1:06:00
  otherwise you can sit chewing on that and you lose all of the
• 1:06:03
  goodness that happened. And it's also important to soak
• 1:06:07
  up the goodness 1st and not do that.
• 1:06:10
  I know that's quite quick to do it the next day when it's fresh,
• 1:06:12
  but don't do it on the night. Like enjoy the high and just
• 1:06:18
  soak up the good on the evening. And yes, look at the data, but
• 1:06:22
  look at the, as Krista Hall says, the KPI of the goosebumps.
• 1:06:27
  Because we all thought the brunch was amazing the other day
• 1:06:31
  and you were asking me to like give you anything as an event
• 1:06:34
  planner and I was like, I can't find anything to give you a.
• 1:06:37
  Name. Tag name card maybe?
• 1:06:41
  Um, but when you can just soak up the feeling in the room, like
• 1:06:47
  don't overlook that because I've worked with people who do
• 1:06:50
  overlook the feeling and it can send you into a spiral of all
• 1:06:54
  the things that didn't quite work out and the guests don't
• 1:06:57
  know about any of those things. Um, so I think we should leading
• 1:07:03
  a more like, I suppose people would say it's more masculine,
• 1:07:06
  right brain, whatever you wanna call it, of, um, picking it
• 1:07:10
  apart and looking at the data and the finances and all the
• 1:07:14
  rest of it. But don't overlook the feeling
• 1:07:16
  of it because that's actually what's selling and that's what's
• 1:07:20
  going to make them come back. And if you humanize it and
• 1:07:23
  openly say, do you know what? There's been times where I've
• 1:07:26
  forgotten plates and like the caterers just about to start
• 1:07:30
  plating up and the staff are like, where's the place?
• 1:07:33
  I didn't order any. They're like, what do you mean?
• 1:07:36
  I'm like, not really. I didn't order any players.
• 1:07:39
  Like how can you have missed that?
• 1:07:41
  That's only job too. The chairs which you failed at
• 1:07:45
  and the place. I'm like, I'm not.
• 1:07:47
  Figure it out. Go to the second hand shop next
• 1:07:49
  door. Let's get them all washed now in
• 1:07:51
  the next 12 minutes. Yeah, let's do that.
• 1:07:53
  So then we read it. We've done mental things, we've
• 1:07:56
  had no glasses before and I've called the local pub and said do
• 1:08:01
  me a favour and they're like, no, we're busy, it's a Friday
• 1:08:04
  night. Like we're not giving you our
• 1:08:05
  glasses, how many do you need? I'm like, we need 38 water
• 1:08:09
  glasses and I'll come and get them now and I'll return them
• 1:08:12
  bitter and they're like, no, how many times do I have to ask
• 1:08:16
  Emily just come and get the glasses And then we've served
• 1:08:19
  dinners with the local pubs glasses.
• 1:08:22
  I'm real. You just have to do what you've
• 1:08:25
  got to do and if you just go out there and say to the guests, you
• 1:08:27
  know what, you'll have to wear sex.
• 1:08:28
  We're getting the glasses from the local restaurant.
• 1:08:31
  People love it. Yes, they love it when you when
• 1:08:38
  you figure it out. They love this game they don't
• 1:08:40
  love. The world, I feel like when
• 1:08:41
  Emily does it, they love it. Well, they just want anyone to
• 1:08:44
  say. Yeah, and you're just like.
• 1:08:45
  OK. That's the way that you deliver
• 1:08:48
  it, yeah. And that's the way it's your
• 1:08:50
  delivery that makes it so fun. I'm part of this cool experience
• 1:08:53
  where we forgot the glasses. Maybe you just Bob, there's
• 1:08:58
  going to be 1, maybe one person of 30 who's like that's two
• 1:09:02
  unhinged for me and maybe this isn't my.
• 1:09:04
  And that's something. That you know what?
• 1:09:07
  Go to the forum. Go.
• 1:09:08
  To Iraqi and have an amazing dinner, like go to something
• 1:09:12
  else, you know? Go to the.
• 1:09:14
  Michelin and that you have to be secure in.
• 1:09:16
  This is what I'm offering. Yes, it's wild.
• 1:09:18
  Yes. It is and the way that you
• 1:09:21
  present. Yeah.
• 1:09:23
  Um, even the people that would be pissed off by it, you're
• 1:09:28
  almost not giving them chance to because they know on some level
• 1:09:32
  that you are holding up a mirror to them of why does this matter
• 1:09:36
  so much to me? And it like disarms them a bit.
• 1:09:40
  You know, well, there's there's, Oh my gosh, it's a book I bring
• 1:09:43
  up way too much, but there's this negotiation book called
• 1:09:45
  Never Split the Difference by Chris Foss, and he's a former,
• 1:09:48
  like, FBI hostage negotiator. And the biggest take away from
• 1:09:52
  the book, you know, you read those nonfiction fiction books,
• 1:09:54
  you remember like 2 things from it.
• 1:09:56
  The one thing I'll never forget that is so obvious, but it makes
• 1:09:59
  sense is he's like when you're in a negotiation and there is a
• 1:10:02
  known sticking point. So say you know that you can't
• 1:10:06
  pay this speaker or this person or whatever it is what they
• 1:10:09
  should be paid or their rate. He's like, you start with that.
• 1:10:13
  Like we don't have glasses. Call that shit up.
• 1:10:16
  Don't try to pretend it's like any mistake you've ever made in
• 1:10:19
  corporate and you're trying to sweep it under the rug.
• 1:10:21
  That never works. Like you gotta just call it out
• 1:10:24
  and then you're disarming the person because it's almost
• 1:10:27
  alarming for them to hear it and be like, oh, oh, you see this
• 1:10:31
  too. Like this is this is weird that
• 1:10:32
  we don't have water glasses. Like, yeah, we don't have water
• 1:10:35
  glasses. There's someone I want to speak
• 1:10:37
  at face that I'm just obsessed with and she has agreed to speak
• 1:10:41
  at face very casually. And I will say this is something
• 1:10:44
  that I get in trouble with is that someone the conversations
• 1:10:49
  will be so casual over and over again.
• 1:10:52
  And then I have a moment of like, oh God, but what's that
• 1:10:55
  going to cost me? Are like the man.
• 1:10:58
  And I do hate to split the gender cause it's personality
• 1:11:00
  type too. Cause a lot of women I work with
• 1:11:02
  wouldn't do this like I do, but they would have asked up front
• 1:11:05
  what are your rates? And I haven't.
• 1:11:07
  We've just started this friendly relationship.
• 1:11:10
  So someone I keep meeting with is dying to speak at Feast and
• 1:11:16
  the other day I just thought, Oh my God, what am I going to do if
• 1:11:19
  she thinks that I'm going to pay a fortune because I can't.
• 1:11:23
  And so I just called her and said this is so awkward.
• 1:11:26
  We keep talking about fees, but I can't pay your going rate.
• 1:11:30
  If you can't come, that's totally fine.
• 1:11:32
  I'm just being up front with you.
• 1:11:33
  I can't. And I'm not even asking you to
• 1:11:36
  come for cheaper. I'm just asking what are you
• 1:11:38
  comfortable with? Here is what I can provide,
• 1:11:41
  which I wholeheartedly believe has so much value in you being
• 1:11:45
  in that room, but not in a persuasive way.
• 1:11:48
  Just like me giving the facts. Um, what do you think?
• 1:11:54
  And you know what, actually, even if you tell me it's a
• 1:11:56
  fortune, I'll have to do something to make sure that you
• 1:11:58
  know, because I've not decided. And she said, I am so happy with
• 1:12:02
  all of those things. That's totally fine.
• 1:12:04
  I see the value. Um, no, please let me come.
• 1:12:08
  But it could have got really awkward.
• 1:12:10
  And if, as you always say, call a spade a spade, if you just say
• 1:12:14
  I always lead with I'm feeling awkward about this and it stops
• 1:12:18
  it being awkward. But but you were giving the
• 1:12:22
  option like you weren't forcing her.
• 1:12:23
  You're not forcing her to come. You're not saying I need you to
• 1:12:26
  cheapen your rates. You're saying I what, like you
• 1:12:29
  led with your humanity. You're like, I want it.
• 1:12:31
  I love you so much. I really want you to come.
• 1:12:35
  I'm not paying. That last year I said to a
• 1:12:37
  speaker like, what do I have to do to get you in the room?
• 1:12:40
  She said, book me a hotel. I want a hotel so as well, yes,
• 1:12:44
  we need to focus on finances, but sometimes too, for the
• 1:12:47
  person in the early build, I wish someone had been telling me
• 1:12:51
  how much you can get done in a really scrappy way in the
• 1:12:55
  exchanges of the energy. And when you reach a certain
• 1:12:57
  point, you're then supposed to preach that we need to be
• 1:13:00
  paired. But in the beginning there's
• 1:13:03
  Lords you can make happen for no money being spent.
• 1:13:07
  And we all have things that we can exchange with someone.
• 1:13:11
  And it could be super unhinged on what you trade.
• 1:13:14
  Yes. Like, I've looked after people's
• 1:13:16
  children for them to consult on certain things.
• 1:13:19
  I've dropped dinner off, like, really random things.
• 1:13:23
  What do you need? Yeah.
• 1:13:24
  And they need me to go and walk their dog.
• 1:13:26
  Perfect. Let me do that.
• 1:13:28
  Yeah, you have to get scrappy. That is it.
• 1:13:30
  Yeah. And that's like motherhood too.
• 1:13:33
  If we got a I always forget to bring that topic back in,
• 1:13:36
  brought in a couple times today, but it's like things always
• 1:13:40
  change in pivot in these businesses and motherhood.
• 1:13:45
  Emily, what would you say you're still trying to figure out?
• 1:13:48
  I wanna ask question. I'm gonna ask the question from
• 1:13:51
  the from the lens of collaboration and competition
• 1:13:56
  and all of this like working with other people, which is like
• 1:13:59
  if we bring this back full circle.
• 1:14:02
  I want to learn, um, from a mentor of mine that in
• 1:14:07
  collaboration, I do need to focus more on the finances.
• 1:14:12
  Um, I need to learn how to lead that conversation of yes.
• 1:14:17
  And what is the financial goal, not just the audience growth
• 1:14:21
  because I feel like I now have that and I understand that
• 1:14:23
  probably same for you. Um, so maybe after this
• 1:14:27
  Christine and I'll sit down and draw for contract and say, how
• 1:14:30
  much do we both want to earn from?
• 1:14:33
  No, it's true. Yeah, yes.
• 1:14:36
  That's what I need to do. I need to focus on that more
• 1:14:39
  than just the perfect alignments of the beautiful brands behind
• 1:14:42
  the scenes. What does that look like?
• 1:14:45
  I also gave 1000% to something like I'm all in and I am careful
• 1:14:54
  because not everyone matches that energy and sometimes even
• 1:14:59
  if the finances have been fairly split, God I've given it like
• 1:15:04
  triple the hours and that's just how I work.
• 1:15:06
  I only know how to operate in that manner, but I need to make
• 1:15:11
  sure they're going to give as much energy to something, even
• 1:15:15
  if that energy looks different and I'm doing more of the
• 1:15:18
  physical. Don't know.
• 1:15:20
  I just need a good fight, man. Off a little bit when I'm
• 1:15:23
  talking to people, yeah. But do it with your Emily way.
• 1:15:27
  Yeah, right. He's really still.
• 1:15:30
  Yeah, Christine, as it pertains to collaboration and
• 1:15:35
  competition, everything we've dabbled around today and danced
• 1:15:39
  through, what are you still trying to figure out?
• 1:15:41
  Yeah. I think it's still being OK with
• 1:15:44
  the fact that this is a business and it needs to serve our
• 1:15:48
  business goals. So it's really clear
• 1:15:51
  communication. This is what I'm offering.
• 1:15:53
  This is what you're offering. This is why we're doing it.
• 1:15:56
  It's here on paper in case any of us get confused and making
• 1:16:00
  sure. I feel like in the past I have
• 1:16:02
  jumped into things because I was excited.
• 1:16:04
  The first to use my business were pure chaos.
• 1:16:06
  I was doing all the things like 2 events like a week sometimes.
• 1:16:10
  And this year is I have the clarity.
• 1:16:13
  I know what the pillars of my business are.
• 1:16:15
  So it has to fit into these pillars.
• 1:16:17
  It has to serve this community and I just have to stay really
• 1:16:21
  clear on my yeses and my nose. It's a good one.
• 1:16:25
  Do you think it's really new that events are seen as a full
• 1:16:30
  time job? Like I've only been in this for
• 1:16:33
  a couple of years but to me it feels like it's just surfacing
• 1:16:38
  as a career. Whereas before on any of the
• 1:16:43
  research I've done, they're more like lifestyle hobby brands for
• 1:16:46
  women who host all of these amazing events.
• 1:16:50
  But they have a full time job during the day and that's
• 1:16:52
  totally fine. It's amazing, but they don't
• 1:16:55
  share that all. They have another stream of
• 1:16:59
  income from somebody else perhaps or whatever.
• 1:17:02
  Um, and it's not spoken about. And then when you come in trying
• 1:17:05
  to charge a decent price, it's like, yeah, but the other people
• 1:17:08
  had the full time job, they were doing it as a hobby and it is a
• 1:17:12
  service and it takes so much energy to put an event on
• 1:17:16
  physically and mentally. Is it new or am I just new to
• 1:17:21
  it? I don't think it's, well, I
• 1:17:23
  think when you thought of it in the past, it was like a wedding
• 1:17:25
  planner and now we're doing it as networking and community
• 1:17:28
  building. I know Marta who is doing Mom
• 1:17:32
  Social Club. She received feedback that one
• 1:17:35
  of her events was too expensive, and she was talking about.
• 1:17:39
  Yeah. And those were not her.
• 1:17:41
  They're not. Also, your events are not meant
• 1:17:43
  to be for everybody. No, I would never call, like,
• 1:17:47
  Louis Vuitton and be like, your bag makes me feel bad because
• 1:17:50
  it's too expensive. Like, it's just not for me at
• 1:17:52
  this time. And I think as women, we just
• 1:17:55
  want people, please. And we want to make everybody
• 1:17:57
  happy. And we just have to remember
• 1:17:58
  that this is our business and it is OK that we are not for
• 1:18:02
  everybody. My sticky spot comes that I use
• 1:18:05
  the word community. People talk a lot about of it
• 1:18:09
  saying, well, it's not for the community because it's too
• 1:18:11
  expensive and it's inaccessible. And our response, Oh, I'm
• 1:18:15
  building community. It doesn't mean that word
• 1:18:18
  community in Squamish definitely has something attached to it,
• 1:18:22
  which means it needs to be free like a community event.
• 1:18:25
  Community centre, You know my daughter's birthday party.
• 1:18:29
  Lately no ones saying too. I don't know why I keep calling
• 1:18:33
  out of Roxy, I don't even go there but.
• 1:18:36
  No. No one's knocking on the door,
• 1:18:39
  Iraq, he saying. We can't afford it.
• 1:18:41
  Yeah. Are they?
• 1:18:43
  No. They're.
• 1:18:44
  Not and for those who are listening, who are in the big,
• 1:18:48
  big jobs at the desk in the corporate and it's like, Oh, but
• 1:18:52
  I'm really lucky. People would kill to have this
• 1:18:54
  job. Like no, no one is going to your
• 1:18:57
  CFO or your CEO and be like, you're a bit too expensive.
• 1:19:01
  They wouldn't be in that seat. Like they got to that seat to
• 1:19:04
  whatever position they're in because they were like, this is
• 1:19:07
  what I charge. Sure, there's wiggle like or
• 1:19:10
  you're buying a house. Like there's things that are
• 1:19:11
  just like this is what it cost. The thing that does make me feel
• 1:19:14
  really awkward about Diane Wilder is that people look from
• 1:19:20
  outside and think it's so like, bougie and like, really?
• 1:19:24
  Like. Spoil women with loads of extra
• 1:19:28
  cash. That does really bother me
• 1:19:32
  because if you've been in the room, which you obviously both
• 1:19:34
  have many times, that is not what it's like.
• 1:19:38
  And what has surprised me is how normal the people are that come.
• 1:19:45
  And just because something's expensive, it's more about where
• 1:19:49
  their values align, not how much money they've got.
• 1:19:52
  I've got a lot of people that come every single month and they
• 1:19:56
  now don't do other things. Same as I would do if someone
• 1:19:58
  else was offering dying. I would go every month and I
• 1:20:02
  probably wouldn't go out for dinner.
• 1:20:04
  To the sushi place every single week.
• 1:20:06
  It's just wherever your values lie.
• 1:20:08
  But I don't know why I'm talking about this, but it doesn't sit
• 1:20:12
  right with me that people think it's inaccessible in like a
• 1:20:16
  status way, you know, cause it feels really real.
• 1:20:20
  But they equate the price point with who's there, and that is
• 1:20:23
  not the case. No, and it's and it's so it is
• 1:20:27
  very funny when it's like having a girlfriend who you're like,
• 1:20:29
  oh, do you want to go on this trip or do you want to go for,
• 1:20:31
  to do this experience? The person's like, the person
• 1:20:34
  could be like, you know, it's, it's not right now, which is the
• 1:20:36
  more evolved answer. And then there's the person
• 1:20:38
  who's like, oh, no, no, like I can't afford that.
• 1:20:40
  And then they are carrying the Louton bag and you're like, it's
• 1:20:42
  OK. You just call it like it's
• 1:20:44
  value. It's just about like what you
• 1:20:46
  value. Which I say that to people a lot
• 1:20:48
  in Squamish. They're on the 10 grand mountain
• 1:20:50
  bike telling me that the dinner is too expensive and I'm saying
• 1:20:54
  to them like, oh God, it isn't. It's just, um, your values don't
• 1:20:58
  align. That's fine.
• 1:20:59
  You don't need to come. It's not where you're at right
• 1:21:01
  now, and that's OK. What's funny from a marketing
• 1:21:04
  perspective, though, is when you say to them, you don't need to
• 1:21:08
  come. They come.
• 1:21:09
  Oh yeah, you create that competition within them like I
• 1:21:12
  could afford. It I used to say to people at
• 1:21:14
  the beginning, I'll just calm and if you don't like it I'll
• 1:21:17
  give you a refund or I'll do this or I'll do that at the very
• 1:21:20
  beginning. But if everyone was stopping you
• 1:21:22
  saying it's too expensive. You didn't realize?
• 1:21:24
  It's the only way you can think to get people in the room of
• 1:21:27
  saying just come and experience it.
• 1:21:30
  Um, and now I'm just like, oh, that's fine.
• 1:21:33
  And then they go home and buy a ticket.
• 1:21:34
  Hmm. Interesting.
• 1:21:36
  It's very smart. Interesting.
• 1:21:38
  Christine, what do you have coming up?
• 1:21:40
  Where can people find you? Yes, I have the Motherhood
• 1:21:43
  Summit on May 7th. We're going to be at Otter Trail
• 1:21:46
  Winery in Langley. It's 5:30 in the evening, so
• 1:21:49
  it's going to be like connection and a celebration of mothers who
• 1:21:53
  are doing all of the things we're building, we're leading,
• 1:21:56
  we're nurturing, and it's about not apologizing for wanting to
• 1:22:00
  be a woman who does it all and finding your community and
• 1:22:03
  building get up. We have Amy, the modern medium,
• 1:22:05
  she's going to be there. Her team's going to be doing
• 1:22:07
  tarot card readings. We have, we have market, vendor
• 1:22:11
  market with some great local businesses and it's going to be
• 1:22:15
  very beautiful. And I'm really excited to start
• 1:22:17
  announcing the speakers. So yeah, it's going to be
• 1:22:20
  Chef's. Kiss.
• 1:22:20
  I love it. And then people can also join
• 1:22:22
  you for your more ongoing events.
• 1:22:24
  You have a membership for Women in Business.
• 1:22:26
  I have monthly leaders lounge events that are also held
• 1:22:29
  generally in Langley. We meet during school hours and
• 1:22:33
  I usually I bring in an expert. So we either do a panel or we do
• 1:22:36
  just one expert speaking. So it's like short a bit of
• 1:22:39
  learning, and then there's the connection and growing together
• 1:22:43
  and all those wonderful things. And yeah.
• 1:22:46
  Beautiful. Thank you.
• 1:22:47
  Emily, would you got coming up and where can everyone find you?
• 1:22:49
  I have got a business panel event on the 4th of May.
• 1:22:54
  We don't know where we're hosting it and we don't know
• 1:22:56
  who's on the panel, but the tickets are for sale.
• 1:23:01
  Because you made the page, the page says so.
• 1:23:04
  I always do that. I'm like, tickets will drop on
• 1:23:07
  this day. But like, it's not like.
• 1:23:09
  There they wanted to look for it.
• 1:23:11
  They can find it. May 4th OK, May the fourth be
• 1:23:14
  with. You may the 4th and then I have
• 1:23:17
  a very cool event coming actually, which I have not told
• 1:23:19
  anyone about an. Exclusive.
• 1:23:21
  Which I will leave a bit mysterious, but it's going to be
• 1:23:24
  invitation only for the event hosts.
• 1:23:28
  Um, which is going to be called in real life REL at some point.
• 1:23:34
  And then we have feast on the 25th of October, um, which is a
• 1:23:39
  whole day Mersive in Squamish. There's going to be speakers,
• 1:23:42
  panel, mimosa bar, sexy tablecloths, all the things.
• 1:23:47
  Um, and that's it. Sexy.
• 1:23:52
  I can't wait, can't wait. Everyone tells me you can't sell
• 1:23:57
  an event with no detail and just telling them about the
• 1:23:59
  tablecloth. So let's see what?
• 1:24:00
  Happens. Yeah, I like.
• 1:24:02
  It yeah we're gonna prove you wrong.
• 1:24:04
  I freaking love it. I can't wait.
• 1:24:06
  If you are friends with Christine Koglin and you're
• 1:24:10
  listening to this and you might have been concerned about going
• 1:24:13
  to dine Wilder and cheating on her go.
• 1:24:15
  If you are friends with Emily and you have been concerned
• 1:24:19
  about cheating on Emily and going on Christine events go.
• 1:24:22
  We're all going to be there. We'll get there same FiOS and
• 1:24:25
  say. Yeah, I'm going to be at your
• 1:24:27
  breakfast club. I have to get there.
• 1:24:29
  Thank you. And so if this could just like,
• 1:24:32
  if I could leave our parting words is like, we are three
• 1:24:35
  women who could be in massive competition with one another.
• 1:24:39
  Me more, not as much, but um, we share and we really support each
• 1:24:44
  other. We send people to each others
• 1:24:46
  spaces. And if we were in the corporate
• 1:24:49
  world and at three different companies, I know that we'd be
• 1:24:51
  sending each other the job postings and that we would be
• 1:24:53
  like, how are you doing the motherhood thing while you're
• 1:24:56
  working? And be in collaboration about
• 1:24:59
  that not being like, oh, look, Christina's making cookies
• 1:25:01
  again. Wow, good for her.
• 1:25:03
  Must be nice. What a super.
• 1:25:04
  Mom, Yeah, we are. This is it.
• 1:25:07
  It's just being human. Normal, real human being.
• 1:25:10
  So. Thank you and the saying.
• 1:25:11
  Yes beat. I was gonna say BTS no not
• 1:25:15
  behind DTS. DTS, DTF.
• 1:25:20
  PTSD PTSD TF on the 1st I'll figure it out.
• 1:25:23
  Threesome. We're going to leave it there.
• 1:25:25
  Thanks ladies.