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Weekend Discipleship- Raising Faithful Kids in a Divided Home · Equipped for Impact

0:08
Nate: Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.
0:20
Nate: We're your hosts I'm Nate and I'm Lewis, so let's get started Today.
0:26
Nate: Here we are, in episode 15.
0:29
Nate: And this week's episode we're going to entitle it Weekend Discipleship Raising Faithful Kids in a Divided Home and that's something that we've actually heard from our listeners that you know we talk a lot about discipleship, we talk a lot about the family unit, but we know there are many homes out there, sadly, that don't have both parents in the same home anymore, and so you know we heard from you guys that it's.
0:56
Nate: You know, how can I disciple my child when they're only with me part of the time?
1:02
Nate: So we don't know what your situation is, but we're here to give some ways you can think through making the most of the time that you have.
1:14
Nate: So, lewis, I'm just going to pitch it to you.
1:15
Nate: What are we looking at?
1:17
Nate: When you think about a parent who has their child?
1:21
Nate: They're not there with them all the time, they're only getting a portion of the time with their child how do they start approaching this whole?
1:28
Luis: situation, yeah, and the reality is that I know firsthand what it's like to be in a split home.
1:36
Luis: My parents divorced when I was younger, and so maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking well, my son or daughter only spends the week with me, or they spend the weekend with me, or I only have them for a little bit of time, and so we know that that's a reality.
1:57
Luis: That is true for Christian families, just like it's true for non-Christian families, and so what we want to do today is just help you shift your mindset so that you're not feeling defeated.
2:08
Luis: And so I think, if we're truly honest with ourselves, we know that the situation is hard, and you might even feel like you're in a spiritual tug of war.
2:20
Luis: Right, war, right.
2:28
Luis: I've had the opportunity to counsel moms, dads who cry because they know that their child is going back into an environment that's not Christian.
2:32
Luis: It's an environment that's filled with confusion, maybe compromise, and maybe sometimes just even outright rebellion against what the Bible teaches.
2:41
Luis: And maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking that's me Like.
2:45
Luis: I know that my child is with me on the weekends, or you know three days a week or every other weekend something like that.
2:53
Luis: And when they're with you, they're in church, you're able to disciple them, but then the other part of the time they're in a home.
3:00
Luis: That's that's not doing that.
3:06
Nate: Yep, yeah, and I think that's.
3:07
Nate: That's kind.
3:07
Nate: Just, we got to acknowledge the reality here.
3:09
Nate: Right, it is what it is.
3:10
Nate: God had a design for the family.
3:11
Nate: But because we're all sinners, right, there's going to be brokenness in every home and it looks different.
3:16
Nate: Even if you've got both parents living together.
3:19
Nate: There's different ways that that brokenness manifests itself.
3:22
Nate: And so maybe you've got it's only a part time that your child is with you.
3:26
Nate: You know, we don't know if it's a situation where, you know, maybe one parent is non-believing and you're the believing side of that parental, you know equation, or maybe it's a good situation where you're both, you know, giving Christian influence.
3:43
Nate: Just in separate ways, families come in all shapes and sizes like they like to say.
3:49
Nate: So that's, you know.
3:51
Nate: We just want to look through this from a biblical lens, you know, but just kind of the reality there.
3:57
Nate: You know, recent studies have shown that one in four Christian children in the US spend a significant portion of their time in a non-Christian or spiritually compromised household, and so Barna did that research just a couple of years ago, just looking at the state of the way things are.
4:15
Nate: So we kind of want to look at this.
4:17
Nate: We'll throw out stats like that you know of.
4:22
Nate: That's the way things are right now in America, but honestly, it's not new, right, lewis?
4:29
Nate: We talked about, you know, our Mother's Day episode.
4:31
Nate: We talked about Timothy.
4:32
Nate: Right, we read in 2 Timothy how Paul writes and he says you know, I'm reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that first dwelt in your grandmother, lois, and your mother, eunice.
4:42
Nate: And the interesting thing there many people have pointed out is Paul doesn't say anything about Timothy's dad.
4:48
Nate: He does not.
4:49
Nate: So, we just don't know right.
4:51
Nate: We can assume that Timothy's dad was not a believer he was probably a Gentile unbeliever but God still used these faithful women to plant the seeds of truth that produced that man of God who was Timothy that God used.
5:06
Nate: So parents.
5:07
Nate: God can work, even if you're the only one pouring that truth into your child's heart.
5:14
Luis: And I had the privilege just a couple of weeks ago of having this conversation with someone I mentor, and he asked me the question.
5:25
Luis: He said I have a son, his mother, from a previous relationship, and so the son lives with his biological father during the week, monday through Friday, and then on the weekends he comes and he stays with my friend and then my friend's wife and their family, and so during the weekends they go to church, they do devotions, they do family outings.
5:53
Luis: But he told me that he notices that when he gets there like when they get him on Thursday or Friday it takes a while for him to get back into that routine.
6:03
Luis: And so the question really was like how do we minister to him, how do we disciple him in this type of environment?
6:12
Luis: Because where he goes, monday through Friday, they allow vulgar music, they allow television shows that are inappropriate.
6:21
Luis: There's not a church.
6:23
Luis: I think the thing that makes it even harder too is that maybe there's an idea that they are inappropriate, there's not a church.
6:29
Nate: I think the thing that makes it even harder, too, is that maybe there's an idea that they are Christian right.
6:31
Nate: So at best you kind of got that name and so you assume.
6:34
Luis: And so they're nominally Christian.
6:36
Luis: So it was like how do we guide him, knowing that we only get him for two, three days a week and he's a teenager?
6:45
Luis: And so out of that conversation was really born this episode.
6:51
Nate: Yep, yep.
6:51
Nate: So let's get practical here, right?
6:54
Nate: All of the things that we've said before would still apply, right?
6:57
Nate: You still want to have family devotions when you can.
7:00
Nate: You still want to make the most of those moments, right, deuteronomy 6 and all of that.
7:04
Nate: So how do we take all of those things Um, we've talked about the last 14 episodes, uh and kind of distill them into a, a practical way that that a parent can can put them into practice, even if there's really only two days, uh, that they have have the child with them, yep.
7:20
Luis: I'm going to give you a one Nate.
7:23
Luis: I think let's cover three, okay, so.
7:25
Luis: So I'll start with the first one, and I think it just goes back to the idea of being present, right, so we'll call that first one presence, be fully present.
7:35
Luis: Make sure that in the time that you have them there's no distractions.
7:40
Luis: Um, we've talked about it before, right, turning car rides into conversations.
7:44
Luis: Cook together, read scripture together at bedtime, talk about real life situations, because here's what's going to happen kids are going to notice when you're emotionally and spiritually available.
7:59
Luis: We live in a distracted age, right, like, just go to any restaurant tonight and you're going to see people sitting across from each other and they're on their phones, right.
8:08
Luis: Or people are walking down the sidewalk and they're looking at their phones, right, and you've got a family of four people walking and you've got you know every single one of them is on their phone.
8:19
Luis: Of four people walking, and you've got you know every single one of them is is on their phone, and so just just being present, like that that's, that's probably just a big part of connecting with that child in the time that you have them, because they're going to know that in the time that you're with them.
8:31
Luis: You care, you're present, you're actually there.
8:34
Nate: Yeah, I'm just thinking about you know we've talked about that, right, you know you there, you're present, you're taking the most, making the most of that time, and I feel like it just you take that same advice.
8:44
Nate: That would be true for anybody, right?
8:46
Nate: Um, but it it really?
8:47
Nate: Um, you know, ratchets up how important it is in the cause.
8:53
Nate: You've got limited time even.
8:54
Nate: You know we all have limited time with our kids, but especially if you only get them part-time, then even more so it's important that you've got that presence so you can continue to invest there.
9:08
Luis: And look, just speaking personally, when a parent's not present, it affects the kid and it just causes junk that's going to surface at some point in their life and so be present in their life.
9:26
Nate: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:26
Nate: So the second thing we would say is another P.
9:28
Nate: We're going to make them all P's because we're pastors, so we got to have three P words.
9:33
Nate: We're going to go, so we got presence, and then we got priorities.
9:36
Nate: Probably the second thing would be just focusing on the essentials.
9:41
Nate: Right, they may not go to church when they're with the other parent, but when they're with you they should.
9:47
Nate: Right, you attend church.
9:48
Nate: It's going to be a priority.
9:50
Nate: Family devotions, praying together, those types of things.
9:53
Nate: Again, that's stuff that we've said in the last 14 episodes, but even more so.
9:58
Nate: It's like when they're with you and you have the opportunity, you really need to make sure that those things are a priority.
10:05
Nate: Family dinners we're going to sit down, you know, making the most of that time, and and we're going to see hey, even if you don't do this when you're with with the other parent, it's so important that we do this and it becomes part of your life.
10:18
Nate: You're saying that to your child, that they can see it, they own it, and it's like, okay, this is what we do, these are the things.
10:24
Nate: We pray, we have our family devotions, we talk about God, we go to church.
10:30
Luis: That's the priority when we're together and look, I think that when it comes to making the most of that time, it doesn't have to be long.
10:37
Luis: There are short devotion.
10:38
Luis: When it comes to making the most of that time, it doesn't have to be long, right?
10:40
Luis: Yeah, there are short devotionals that you can do.
10:42
Luis: In fact, my family and I we're doing one right now.
10:44
Luis: It's actually called the FSU Sportsbook Family Devotional, and so it's these short devotions that connects back to different life.
10:54
Nate: Is that FSU like Florida State University?
10:56
Nate: Okay?
10:57
Luis: And so you guys know we're a big Florida State family, even down to your devotions, fsu like Florida State University, florida State University, yeah, okay, and so you guys know we're a big Florida State family.
11:00
Nate: And so Even down to your devotions, even down to our devotions, oh my goodness.
11:03
Luis: And so it takes these stories of different sports themes from Florida State, so like specific events, specific stories that happened over the course of years of football, baseball, basketball, and so we read the story and then it connects it to a biblical truth, and so it's not long.
11:23
Luis: I mean we do it usually in about 10 minutes, and so something like that.
11:26
Luis: There's a few others out there that you can consider.
11:31
Luis: My family has done one called Answers Family Bible Devotional Series by Mike and Libby Wild.
11:38
Luis: It's from Answers in Genesis, and that's a really cool one because it offers a chronological Bible study from just this conservative evangelical creation perspective.
11:52
Luis: And so you walk through that and so it's really neat.
11:57
Luis: But I would encourage you, right, find something that you can spend time on that you enjoy.
12:04
Luis: And if you're not sure what to find, email us, right, we'll give you some suggestions.
12:08
Nate: Podcast at waynechristianorg.
12:10
Nate: Yeah, and I was even thinking the episode we had with Chad.
12:15
Nate: It was our interview about deep dive on family devotion, so you can go back and look that up.
12:19
Nate: I think that was episode nine, but that he talked about the word of life, quiet time.
12:24
Nate: You know that's what we use and they're like, if you've, it depends on how old your child is, but if they've trained, you've trained them so that they can have their devotions on their own.
12:33
Nate: And you know the great part about that system is your child has a passage.
12:37
Nate: You have a passage, but the age-appropriate commentary and activities with it so that even when they're someplace else, they're still staying on track.
12:45
Nate: And then when you're back together, you've got that and you can have conversations because they've been reading all week the same thing you have and now you've got all of this material to continue the conversation.
12:57
Luis: Don't focus on being perfect right.
12:58
Luis: Just make it a priority.
13:00
Luis: Yep, you're right.
13:01
Luis: And that leads us to our third point.
13:03
Luis: Here it's another P right.
13:05
Luis: So lead with purpose.
13:08
Luis: In that time that you have together, remind your child that they are a child of God.
13:15
Luis: They need to hear it, they need to understand, because let me get honest with you for just a few minutes, not that we're never honest- I was going to say you should always be honest, but here's the truth, right.
13:29
Luis: If you have a child that is living in a split home, whether it's because the parents got divorced or because something else happened, they're confused.
13:39
Luis: They may even blame themselves for the divorce, right?
13:43
Luis: Like that was something that I dealt with in my life, like I blamed myself for the longest time after my parents' divorce.
13:51
Luis: And so the world is going to try to confuse them.
13:53
Luis: But remind them that God has already spoken.
13:55
Luis: They are a child of God.
13:58
Luis: They need to follow Him, no matter what others are doing, and just make sure that they understand that they have a purpose and that their identity is anchored not in what the world says they are or who they are, but in what the Bible says and who.
14:14
Nate: God says yeah, and I think that's that's important for us.
14:17
Nate: You know, so many times the Bible uses that family language to explain the church, to explain how God is their father, different things like that.
14:28
Nate: And so a child growing up in a situation like that is going to have not make those connections right.
14:34
Nate: You know, it's well, god says he's my father, but my dad's absent, you know, so that's not going to be helpful for them because our brokenness is distorting their view of God.
14:43
Nate: And so, as the parent who's discipling their child right, you can, you can on purpose, say you know, bring out the fact that, yeah, this is not the way it's supposed to be right, but God is then that perfect father.
14:56
Nate: You know, and you can use that contrast to teach some of those lessons.
15:00
Nate: You have those opportunities so you can make the most of them.
15:04
Luis: I'm reminded of a testimony that I heard from a young lady, probably about three or four years ago.
15:09
Luis: She was just sharing that early on in her life she rejected Christianity because all it ever talked about was how loving God was as a father.
15:20
Luis: And so God was portrayed as his father.
15:22
Luis: But she had come from a split home where the father was abusive to her, to her siblings, to her mom, and so she was like I don't want to have a relationship with a father because her perspective was skewed by what she saw from her earthly father.
15:40
Luis: And so, yeah, I mean our kids, if they have a jacked up relationship with their father, then when they hear about how God, the Father, loves them right, and how there's a heavenly father that desires a relationship with them, they may be turned off to that.
15:58
Luis: And so I think again, reminding them who they are and who God is in relationship to each other, yeah.
16:05
Nate: So those three things right can help you make the most of that time that you have, whether it's the weekend or whatever.
16:12
Nate: But let's kind of talk about that other time right the off time, the away time your child's not with you.
16:18
Nate: How can we make the most of those times?
16:23
Nate: It might be the week right, monday through Friday, or maybe it's the weekend when they're somewhere else.
16:27
Nate: You know what can a parent do while their child's away.
16:30
Luis: And I think this is where you have to be faithful and you have to be creative, right.
16:34
Luis: And then consistency is going to be of absolute importance.
16:39
Luis: And so you may not share a roof, and so you're not together Monday through Friday, but you can still shepherd your child's heart, and I think one of the most powerful things that you can do is to commit to a daily phone call.
16:52
Luis: Just take five to 10 minutes each day and and make it a sacred rhythm of your relationship with with your child, and so it doesn't have to be a complicated phone call, but make it a priority every day that if you're not with your child, that you're calling them.
17:10
Luis: And look, I can't.
17:12
Luis: I can't even begin to pretend what it must be like to be a dad in a split home right, or to be a mom in a split home and not be around your child, like I have to imagine that that's probably one of the hardest things that a parent has to deal with, or I hope it is anyways.
17:29
Luis: Right, because, like, when, when, when, when I travel and I'm away from my girls, like, um, I don't, I don't like that, right, like, like, I don't like not spending the night with, with my children, I don't like not being with them or being able to tell them um good night, or to hug them or to kiss them, and so I can imagine what parents are going through that are in that split home.
17:50
Luis: But here's what that phone call would look like.
17:52
Luis: Right, make it a sacred rhythm.
17:55
Luis: Um, ask them.
17:56
Luis: Right, ask them a simple question what good thing did you see God do in your life today?
18:02
Luis: Right, again, that's pointing them back to who God is, and so ask them to consider what good thing God did, because God's doing a lot of good things and sometimes they may miss it.
18:12
Luis: Right, help them think through that.
18:14
Luis: Um, pray together, right?
18:15
Luis: So, take, take whatever it is that they said and use that to create a short, heartfelt prayer and pray with them.
18:24
Luis: Right?
18:24
Luis: So, if, if, the good thing that happened that day was that they got to sit at a table with with their best friend for lunch.
18:31
Luis: Like man, celebrate that.
18:32
Luis: Give god thanks for that.
18:33
Nate: Their good thing was that they got breakfast for dinner that day you can?
18:36
Nate: Can't sorry, it had to make an appearance.
18:39
Luis: You may have to call Child Protective.
18:41
Nate: Services if the other parent is feeding them breakfast for dinner.
18:45
Nate: Like there is something you know.
18:46
Nate: Our school cafeteria had breakfast for lunch the other day.
18:49
Luis: I'm actually looking at changing that.
18:50
Nate: Okay, okay.
18:53
Luis: And then take time to read a verse or two with them, right, so you may not be able to do a full devotion with them, but maybe you can make a commitment to read through a book of the Bible with them so you can say, hey, when I call you, we're going to read three verses from the book of Psalms, or we're going to go through the gospel of Matthew over the next month and every day, when you call them, just pick a short passage, a verse or two, and read it and you're planting the seeds of truth.
19:23
Luis: I mean, that's all you're doing.
19:24
Luis: You're not preaching, you're not beating them over the head with the Bible, but you're building a relationship and the most important thing that you're doing is you're reinforcing a spiritual truth day by day.
19:38
Nate: Yeah, and I think that's really important, right, and those consistent conversations are going to be really important for your child, right, to continue on, because there's been different studies out there, right, but it's that consistency over time, even if it's just with one parent and not both of them, right, they're going to be helping plant those seeds and water them over the course of time Kind of.
20:08
Nate: Another thing is you can, even in those moments, you know you can pray for the other parent.
20:14
Nate: You's something that can really be detrimental.
20:19
Nate: Again, there's different family situations, right, there's some where the parents are split but they still get along and they still work together.
20:26
Nate: Both homes might be Christian, but then there might be some hostility, right, but if your child sees you praying for their other parent, that's going to go a long way and be a good example for them to know.
20:43
Nate: Maybe it's just praying for their situation and their strength, whatever If they're not a believer, if you're praying for their salvation, of course your child wants their other parent to know Jesus as their Savior, just like they do, and so, you know, asking for God to soften their heart and for conviction and for salvation there.
21:02
Nate: But that, you know, helps them with, you know, respect and honoring the authority God put in their life.
21:08
Nate: But it also will help them see that even in not great situations, god still wants them to to pray and and and see him work.
21:19
Nate: Uh, it, no matter what what sad situation they're in, that's really good.
21:24
Nate: Yeah, that's really good.
21:25
Nate: Um, any other kind of thoughts you can think of Lewis on, like weekday tips or like through throughout the the week, how to stay connected and just keep it practical.
21:34
Luis: Yeah, you know, I think we live in 2025, so we're surrounded by technology.
21:39
Luis: Right, you can just send a voice memo, right?
21:41
Luis: Send them a voice memo, text them a verse each morning, and that just helps remind your child that their identity isn't in the culture, but it's in Christ, right?
21:51
Luis: And so they're seeing that and, look, depending on their age, they may not be able to respond back, or maybe they don't even have a phone, and so you've got to find creative ways to do that.
22:03
Luis: Or if you've got a teenager, they may just respond with the okay, right?
22:08
Luis: Or if you have an iPhone, they may just long press it and hit the like button, and so you just have to keep doing it.
22:16
Luis: Maybe they're at the age where you can create a shared journal or text thread, right, where you keep it light, but you keep it centered on the things that matter, so you can text your kid hey, what are you thankful for today?
22:29
Luis: How did you show kindness, how did you show the love of Jesus today?
22:33
Luis: And just do that together and then again just hammering this home, right?
22:38
Luis: Speak identity and hope into their life, right?
22:42
Luis: Tell them that they are loved, tell them that they are chosen, tell them that they are called by God and make sure that they don't forget that.
22:53
Luis: And I know these may feel small, but faithfulness in the small things becomes faithfulness in the long run, Because there's an enemy that wants you to believe that these moments don't matter, like you might be thinking well, my kid isn't going to appreciate that.
23:11
Luis: My kid doesn't want me to do that.
23:12
Luis: But look, god sees them.
23:14
Luis: He's going to use those little moments and he's going to make them big.
23:18
Luis: And Galatians 6, 9 reminds us that in due season we will reap if we do not give up.
23:25
Nate: Yeah, and that's really important, right?
23:27
Nate: If you're feeling defeated, just don't believe the lie that your influence is small, your influence doesn't matter, right?
23:36
Nate: The lie that your influence is small, your influence doesn't matter, right?
23:38
Nate: That Galatians 6, 9 is so important.
23:39
Nate: We just continue being faithful and we'll see God bring the fruit and bring the results.
23:44
Nate: So let's kind of end Lewis, with a word of encouragement here.
23:47
Nate: Like what would you say that parent?
23:49
Nate: They're hearing this, they're ready to start.
23:51
Nate: How would you just kind of encourage them as they wrap up this episode today?
23:57
Luis: Look, don't feel defeated, right.
24:00
Luis: You've already gone through a divorce, you've gone through a separation, for whatever reason.
24:04
Luis: Your child is growing up in a split home and don't believe the lie that your influence is going to be small, right?
24:14
Luis: Just to paraphrase something that I've read before, you don't need to control the culture, you just need to be a faithful presence in it.
24:22
Luis: And you're not going to be able to control the circumstances of everything that happens in your child's life.
24:29
Luis: You can just be a faithful Christian presence that is going to impact them.
24:37
Luis: I had a mentor of mine a long time ago.
24:40
Luis: He described this situation to me.
24:43
Luis: He said, lewis, you were like a mighty river that was going to carve out its own course.
24:50
Luis: He said I may have been a small rock that changed the path of the water or adjusted the current or whatever, but you were destined to do what you accomplished.
25:05
Luis: And so, as I think back on what he said to me, parents like your kid is that river?
25:11
Luis: Right, they are charting their own path, but you can be that big rock that begins to influence the current of the water, that begins to shape the trajectory of the flow of the water.
25:27
Luis: Yeah, that river is still going to go where it's going because ultimately that's in the hands of God, right, but you can be that rock that's influencing what's happening.
25:36
Nate: Yeah, and that's exactly right.
25:37
Nate: We're here.
25:38
Nate: We're called Equipped for Impact, right, we want to give you the tools so that your child can you can make an impact in their life and then they can make an impact in the world for Christ.
25:48
Nate: And you're not alone, right?
25:50
Nate: God is working through you in your child's life, even if they're not with you full time.
25:56
Nate: So thank you all for joining us today.
25:59
Nate: If you enjoyed this episode and know another parent who needs to hear this, they might find it helpful.
26:04
Nate: Share this with them so that they can listen to it and hopefully they are encouraged as well.
26:11
Nate: And be sure to subscribe so you don't miss our next episode and send us a message.
26:17
Nate: We mentioned it before, but podcast waynechristianorg.
26:19
Nate: We'd love to hear from you.
26:20
Nate: This was birthed out of an email from a parent, so please email us podcast at waynechristianorg.
26:27
Nate: So thanks for joining us today and until next time, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence their world for Christ.