Transcript

Alzheimer_s · CelinaSpookyBoo

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi everybody, welcome back. It's me, your friend Selena. Let's
0:10
Speaker 1: just roll. Hi, it's me. I'm sitting here in between
0:14
Speaker 1: an embalming machine, which I got from a wonderful friend,
0:17
Speaker 1: and some of my weird stuff. Of course, we're on
0:20
Speaker 1: the floor. And this always takes me back to if
0:23
Speaker 1: you were a fan of Trisha Paytas. Do you remember
0:25
Speaker 1: Trisha Paytas' floor videos? You knew things were about to
0:27
Speaker 1: go go somewhere else. So today is not our normal
0:31
Speaker 1: video as you probably read from the title. I feel
0:34
Speaker 1: like I'm always just apologizing for being a little AWOL
0:37
Speaker 1: and then I look back at my socials and I
0:39
Speaker 1: feel like I never really go AWOL. It's just in
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Speaker 1: my heart I don't feel like I'm putting out what
0:44
Speaker 1: I can be putting out and I have a very
0:48
Speaker 1: big reason why. I want to preface this video by
0:54
Speaker 1: saying I don't mean to offend anyone if I'm using
0:57
Speaker 1: the wrong terminology. This is just like where my life
1:01
Speaker 1: is currently at and it's not all rainbows and magic
1:05
Speaker 1: even though I want it to be and I feel
1:08
Speaker 1: like every time life starts to get like a little
1:11
Speaker 1: bit normal, it just stops. It stops being smooth and
1:16
Speaker 1: I just, I feel like everybody has a lot of responsibility.
1:19
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a little bit more responsibility on
1:22
Speaker 1: me right now um and here's why i have a
1:28
Speaker 1: family member well i should start by saying i really
1:31
Speaker 1: don't have many family members i have my mom my
1:34
Speaker 1: dad my brother and me that is my immediate family
1:38
Speaker 1: and um one uncle that's it i don't have any
1:41
Speaker 1: other cousins i don't have any aunts and uncles all
1:43
Speaker 1: my grandma and grandpas are gone everyone is gone there
1:45
Speaker 1: is in the core family there is five of us
1:48
Speaker 1: that is it that is literally it And then there's
1:51
Speaker 1: Joel's wife and I have Adam and my in-laws and
1:54
Speaker 1: they both have really big families, which is nice. But
1:58
Speaker 1: my whole growing up, I had an aunt who was
2:01
Speaker 1: completely off the radar, just like left the family, never
2:04
Speaker 1: heard from her since I was three. Cool, thanks. And
2:07
Speaker 1: then I have my uncle. So the interesting thing about
2:12
Speaker 1: my uncle is that back when he was born, which
2:14
Speaker 1: was the 50s, autism wasn't a thing. It really wasn't.
2:18
Speaker 1: And he was called more of a savant. So a
2:20
Speaker 1: savant is like really, really smart, but lacks people skills
2:26
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, which is kind of crazy. And
2:29
Speaker 1: nobody knows my uncle. I've never posted my uncle. I've
2:31
Speaker 1: never spoken about my uncle, but he hasn't really been
2:33
Speaker 1: a big part of our family because of some choices
2:35
Speaker 1: that he's made that were his choice. But also, we
2:41
Speaker 1: spent a long time trying to figure out what exactly
2:43
Speaker 1: he was and how he his actions affected us to
2:49
Speaker 1: understand the bigger picture. So my uncle has always loved me,
2:53
Speaker 1: loved me endlessly. I remember he used to do such
2:55
Speaker 1: strange things as a kid. Like he knew I really
2:57
Speaker 1: wanted a yellow Volkswagen bug when I grew up. So
3:00
Speaker 1: he like went to a dealership and wanted to test
3:01
Speaker 1: drive one, but instead like jacked it for the day.
3:04
Speaker 1: And we went to Stratford, we went shopping and we
3:06
Speaker 1: were gone for like 11 hours. It was, it was crazy,
3:09
Speaker 1: but there was never a shortage of love from my
3:12
Speaker 1: uncle to me. But as I got older, we didn't
3:18
Speaker 1: clash more so as I didn't understand the things that
3:20
Speaker 1: he had done in his life. Like my mother, if
3:24
Speaker 1: a lot of you guys know this, my mom has MS,
3:26
Speaker 1: but she has it very progressively and aggressively. And she's
3:28
Speaker 1: been in a wheelchair since I was 14. And like,
3:31
Speaker 1: there was a time when she was pretty much dying,
3:33
Speaker 1: but he couldn't take her to the doctor because his
3:36
Speaker 1: show was on or not showing up when tragic things
3:40
Speaker 1: happen in the family. And that's because we just thought
3:43
Speaker 1: he was an asshole, but that wasn't an asshole. Being
3:47
Speaker 1: older now and understanding, like, I really think if he
3:51
Speaker 1: were to have a diagnosis, and I'm not someone who
3:53
Speaker 1: would diagnosis, he's 100% on a spectrum. Anybody who would
3:56
Speaker 1: meet him would know that. Say autism and Asperger's, for sure.
4:00
Speaker 1: And he also did give me permission to talk about
4:02
Speaker 1: him and post this video. Our family has never been
4:08
Speaker 1: close with my uncle. Ever. He's never bought anyone a gift.
4:11
Speaker 1: He's never gotten, you know, come to events or anything
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Speaker 1: like that. That's never been a part of his life.
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Speaker 1: But every couple of weeks we would talk on the
4:18
Speaker 1: phone and we would catch up. And I noticed over
4:20
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, he had been off work
4:22
Speaker 1: for like weird circumstances of having these weird little spells, um,
4:26
Speaker 1: where he was just very strange and made people uncomfortable. And, um,
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Speaker 1: they thought he was sick. So he had kind of
4:31
Speaker 1: been off work. So everything that he told me was
4:33
Speaker 1: kind of always the same, but I thought it was
4:35
Speaker 1: kind of just because of the situation of things going on. But, um,
4:40
Speaker 1: I got a call in October that really changed kind
4:43
Speaker 1: of the plan of our lives and It was from
4:46
Speaker 1: a travel agency. And something strange that my uncle had
4:48
Speaker 1: been doing was traveling a lot. And he had traveled
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Speaker 1: the month before to this place. But he was gone.
4:54
Speaker 1: He didn't tell anybody he left. He didn't take any luggage.
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Speaker 1: He didn't take anything with him. His keys and his
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Speaker 1: shoes were at the house and it just didn't make sense.
5:02
Speaker 1: So I remember having to go through police and taxis
5:04
Speaker 1: and everything to figure out where he was. So I
5:08
Speaker 1: found where he was. I'm like, okay, okay. He comes home.
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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, why didn't you tell me that you
5:14
Speaker 1: were going on this trip? Like, you tell me everything.
5:16
Speaker 1: You tell somebody. Somebody would know. His neighbor, somebody would know. Oh, no,
5:20
Speaker 1: I thought I told somebody. I thought I told somebody.
5:23
Speaker 1: So he decided to go back to the same place
5:25
Speaker 1: he had just come from. And he did tell me
5:27
Speaker 1: this time. But about a week into his trip, I
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Speaker 1: got a phone call. It was from the travel agency.
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Speaker 1: And my uncle had become extremely confused on the trip.
5:36
Speaker 1: And I hadn't seen him personally now in probably a month.
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Speaker 1: And when I had seen him that month before, it
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Speaker 1: was just for a second outside of a store. When
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Speaker 1: he came home from this trip, he looked very different.
5:50
Speaker 1: Getting into his house and dealing with everything, it became
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Speaker 1: extremely clear extremely quickly that he hadn't been eating solid
5:57
Speaker 1: foods for about two months. He had dropped so much weight.
6:00
Speaker 1: He was white and he was wearing the same clothes
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Speaker 1: that I had seen him about that month, two months prior.
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Speaker 1: And then I discovered that on his trips, he wasn't
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Speaker 1: changing his clothes and he had been birdbathing in the
6:11
Speaker 1: sink because he couldn't figure out the tub. And it
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Speaker 1: became clear very, very quickly that something was very wrong.
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Speaker 1: I want to say a huge thank you to today's
6:18
Speaker 1: video sponsor, BetterHelp. I recently started going to therapy to
6:21
Speaker 1: help me process a lot of things going on in
6:23
Speaker 1: my life. BetterHelp is online therapy. I went online and
6:26
Speaker 1: took the detailed quiz to help them find me the
6:28
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Speaker 1: of therapy for you. Also, if the therapist you first
6:48
Speaker 1: match with doesn't really feel like the right fit, you
6:50
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6:54
Speaker 1: like a forest with no path. Having someone there to
6:57
Speaker 1: help has been the best decision I ever made. The
6:59
Speaker 1: truth is life is hard and it's fast and it
7:03
Speaker 1: can be pretty hard to navigate all by yourself. And
7:06
Speaker 1: now you don't have to. If you are struggling, please
7:09
Speaker 1: consider therapy with our sponsor today, BetterHelp. Click the link
7:13
Speaker 1: down below in the description box or go to betterhelp.com
7:16
Speaker 1: slash selenaspookyboo for a 10% discount on your first month
7:20
Speaker 1: of therapy with a licensed professional. I want to send
7:23
Speaker 1: BetterHelp a huge thank you. And please, all of you,
7:27
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. So my first idea was, well,
7:30
Speaker 1: we figure out all these appointments. I need to get
7:32
Speaker 1: some food and him, I need to, to get some things.
7:35
Speaker 1: So I went to the store and I bought him
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Speaker 1: all these groceries and I knocked on the door and
7:38
Speaker 1: he came upstairs and he seemed very out of it.
7:41
Speaker 1: And I put, I put the groceries down. I said,
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Speaker 1: here's your groceries. This one is all, and I put
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Speaker 1: it in the right bag. I'm like, this stuff all
7:47
Speaker 1: has to go in the fridge. This stuff can all
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Speaker 1: stay out. And he's like, okay, thanks so much. So
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Speaker 1: the next day I go and I call him and
7:53
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, did you put the stuff away? And
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Speaker 1: he's like, what stuff? I'm like, oh, like I bought
7:57
Speaker 1: you groceries. There's stuff that had to go in the fridge.
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Speaker 1: He's like, oh yeah, yeah. I put it away. I
8:01
Speaker 1: put it away. So I came back to the house
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Speaker 1: and the groceries were still there. And I went down
8:07
Speaker 1: to the basement and I put stuff away. And I said, okay,
8:09
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't realize how bad it was at
8:11
Speaker 1: this point. So I put some stuff away and I said, okay,
8:13
Speaker 1: put this bag in your little fridge. See, my uncle
8:15
Speaker 1: was the person who, he didn't live on the top floor.
8:17
Speaker 1: He lived on the bottom floor. And since my grandma
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Speaker 1: passed away in 2008, he had not unplugged all the
8:25
Speaker 1: appliances upstairs. So about a week later, I had stopped
8:29
Speaker 1: by and all the stuff that was supposed to be
8:31
Speaker 1: in the fridge was still in the bag and he
8:34
Speaker 1: was eating it. During this week, we had been going
8:42
Speaker 1: to a lot of appointments and having a lot of
8:43
Speaker 1: things going on. And he had come to the conclusion
8:47
Speaker 1: along with me that it would be much better if
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Speaker 1: he was not in the house and if he was
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Speaker 1: in a place like a nursing home, but he went
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Speaker 1: into a retirement home where they could really help him
8:56
Speaker 1: and keep an eye on him. Now, the things that
9:00
Speaker 1: have kind of happened since October, my all day, every
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Speaker 1: day has been taking care of my uncle. We went
9:08
Speaker 1: from barely speaking at all to being on the phone
9:13
Speaker 1: for like three, four hours every day, me stopping in
9:16
Speaker 1: every day to every other day to the point that
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Speaker 1: The people at the retirement home were like, Selena, fancy
9:20
Speaker 1: seeing you here because I'm always there. And I think
9:23
Speaker 1: the hardest thing was, you know, we knew his driving
9:26
Speaker 1: wasn't well and they took his license away. And I
9:29
Speaker 1: had to take his house keys because he was leaving
9:31
Speaker 1: the retirement home and going to the house and leaving
9:33
Speaker 1: all the doors open and just leaving the house and
9:36
Speaker 1: just doing very dangerous things in that aspect. But every
9:40
Speaker 1: single day was him calling me and being like, well,
9:43
Speaker 1: where's my keys? And I need to get in my
9:45
Speaker 1: house and I need to drive my car and you
9:46
Speaker 1: need to bring my car and I need to do this.
9:49
Speaker 1: And it was just me spending four hours a day
9:51
Speaker 1: breaking his heart on a consistent level of saying, oh, like,
9:55
Speaker 1: I know you want your keys, but unfortunately you're not
9:57
Speaker 1: allowed to drive. Well, when can I drive? And. all
10:00
Speaker 1: the medical people who have helped me have been amazing
10:02
Speaker 1: his doctor is amazing um at teaching me how to
10:06
Speaker 1: cope with this but the truth is the toll and
10:08
Speaker 1: the fear that this has put into me has been
10:13
Speaker 1: insane because my life felt like my own for a
10:15
Speaker 1: while it did lots of things were going on in
10:17
Speaker 1: my life but it felt like my own I think
10:27
Speaker 1: the hardest part is when it gets dark, he gets
10:30
Speaker 1: very different. And he will call me and he'll be like, hey,
10:34
Speaker 1: I need you to bring me over my keys. I
10:36
Speaker 1: need you to get me some smokes. I need you
10:37
Speaker 1: to do this, this, and this. And smoking was a
10:39
Speaker 1: huge issue because he kept smoking out on the patio
10:41
Speaker 1: where you're not allowed to smoke because his neighbor's on oxygen.
10:44
Speaker 1: And a part of my uncle, if I could get
10:46
Speaker 1: you to understand him in some way, is He likes
10:49
Speaker 1: to go against authority. Like he's just like, no, I'm
10:50
Speaker 1: going to smoke out there. I'm going to promise you
10:53
Speaker 1: to the moon that I won't do it, but I'm
10:55
Speaker 1: still going to do it. Like that's kind of how
10:56
Speaker 1: it goes. But right now, my all day every day
11:01
Speaker 1: is explaining to him why he is where he is.
11:05
Speaker 1: And I've read so many blogs and I've talked to
11:07
Speaker 1: so many people who are like dance around the subject
11:09
Speaker 1: and do that. But before things got worse, which they've
11:12
Speaker 1: been getting progressively worse at a strange pace. I asked
11:16
Speaker 1: my uncle, I said, what do you want from me?
11:18
Speaker 1: Do you want me to cherry coat this? I remember
11:21
Speaker 1: sitting with him in his nursing home and crying my
11:23
Speaker 1: eyes out. And he was having a very lucid moment.
11:26
Speaker 1: And I think that's why I broke. Because in that moment,
11:30
Speaker 1: he knew why he was there. He knew what was
11:32
Speaker 1: going on. And he was like, I know that these
11:34
Speaker 1: next years are gonna be really hard. And I just
11:36
Speaker 1: looked at him, I'm like, what do you need from me?
11:38
Speaker 1: I need you to tell me if you need me
11:39
Speaker 1: to just tell you everything's gonna be fine and just
11:41
Speaker 1: coast over things. Or if you just want me to
11:44
Speaker 1: keep telling you the truth. And he said, I need
11:46
Speaker 1: you to keep telling me the truth. Because he knows
11:49
Speaker 1: if we do it a million and one times, he
11:51
Speaker 1: might remember. But I remember him just saying like, I
11:54
Speaker 1: want you to tell me the truth. And I'm like, okay,
11:56
Speaker 1: I will tell you the truth. But it's hard because
11:59
Speaker 1: we'll be on the phone and he'll randomly put the
12:02
Speaker 1: phone down. I'm like, where'd you go? Where'd you go?
12:05
Speaker 1: Where'd you go? And he just puts it down and
12:07
Speaker 1: he forgets. And then I'm like, did he die? Like,
12:11
Speaker 1: did he fall over? Did he... And then I have
12:15
Speaker 1: to get in my car, drive 20 minutes into town,
12:18
Speaker 1: open his door. Are you okay? He's fine. And then
12:20
Speaker 1: other times I show up and he is comatose. He's
12:23
Speaker 1: back on the bed, like death rattling. And then the
12:28
Speaker 1: next day he's perfectly fine. I remember the first day
12:32
Speaker 1: that he did that like comatose thing, the retirement home
12:35
Speaker 1: had called me and said, Brian's having a hard time
12:37
Speaker 1: staying awake. And I met the ambulance there and he
12:41
Speaker 1: was fighting against it. Cause he does, he fights so
12:43
Speaker 1: hard against it. And I'm like, you have to go
12:45
Speaker 1: to the hospital. Cause he was, he was white and
12:46
Speaker 1: he wasn't talking. And he spent that whole day not
12:49
Speaker 1: being able to stay awake. And they, they, they checked
12:52
Speaker 1: him and he was able to come home. Like he
12:54
Speaker 1: had a lung infection where he was fine. And he's
12:55
Speaker 1: done that like six times since like, I'll show up
12:58
Speaker 1: and I'll have to like carry him to the bathroom.
13:07
Speaker 1: Healthcare in this country is weird. It is free here
13:10
Speaker 1: in Canada, but my uncle shouldn't be in a retirement home.
13:16
Speaker 1: He should be in a nursing home, but he has
13:18
Speaker 1: made it clear that that's not what he wants. And
13:21
Speaker 1: at the same time, he doesn't understand what's going on.
13:24
Speaker 1: But at the same time as that, those beds aren't available.
13:27
Speaker 1: You have to wait two years. Even if you pay,
13:31
Speaker 1: there's a wait. So I'm trying to get him into
13:34
Speaker 1: a different place that will keep more eyes on him.
13:41
Speaker 1: I'm just really tired. I'm really tired. It feels like
13:46
Speaker 1: you get like a moment of a break in your
13:48
Speaker 1: life before everything starts going wrong. And my mom got
13:52
Speaker 1: sick when I was really young and I love her
13:54
Speaker 1: so much. This is my world. My birthday was yesterday.
14:03
Speaker 1: But I just feel like my life has just been
14:04
Speaker 1: really full of sick, sick, sick people. Like my mom
14:07
Speaker 1: was so sick. And it started when I was like 11, 12.
14:12
Speaker 1: And you know, I remember getting a Heroes in the
14:16
Speaker 1: Home Award when I was a kid because caregivers were
14:19
Speaker 1: just starting and like she needed a lot of help.
14:24
Speaker 1: But we needed her at home because she's my mom.
14:28
Speaker 1: And she's always been there, which is amazing. And my
14:30
Speaker 1: dad takes such good care of her, but he's tired too.
14:33
Speaker 1: But he was sick and then I got out on
14:38
Speaker 1: my own and then I got sick and then Adam
14:40
Speaker 1: got sick. Now my uncle is so sick and there's
14:44
Speaker 1: no fighting him on what he wants. I'm just feeling
14:52
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure. Because I want to create things
14:56
Speaker 1: for you guys because that's what makes me happy. And
14:59
Speaker 1: I want to keep growing. And I want to have
15:01
Speaker 1: the time to do all of this. I want to
15:03
Speaker 1: have the time to do the 12 million projects I
15:05
Speaker 1: have going on. But if you notice this, this is
15:07
Speaker 1: the first time in my life I've ever experienced stress blisters.
15:10
Speaker 1: My whole mouth is full of them. My whole outside
15:12
Speaker 1: of my mouth is full of them. I've never had
15:14
Speaker 1: a cold sore since I was 10. But I'm stressed out.
15:20
Speaker 1: I am. And I feel like there's not enough hours
15:23
Speaker 1: in the day. And I feel like I'm not doing
15:25
Speaker 1: a good enough job here. I feel like I'm not
15:27
Speaker 1: doing a good enough job with my family. I feel
15:29
Speaker 1: like I'm not doing a good enough job with my uncle.
15:32
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job
15:33
Speaker 1: as a wife. Because I just feel like I can't
15:35
Speaker 1: breathe a little bit. And that's just kind of. where
15:42
Speaker 1: I'm at and I've started therapy, which is great. It
15:45
Speaker 1: really is. But I just feel, I feel overwhelmed. I
15:55
Speaker 1: think the craziest thing too with my uncle is these
15:59
Speaker 1: people come in to assess him for different things or doctors.
16:02
Speaker 1: And they're like, you are doing such a good job.
16:05
Speaker 1: You are doing more than other families will do. But
16:10
Speaker 1: I still, like, I don't feel like I'm doing enough.
16:11
Speaker 1: And to think that what I'm doing is considered so much.
16:16
Speaker 1: I think of all the people out there that are
16:18
Speaker 1: lost and confused on their own and just get put
16:22
Speaker 1: by their families into these retirement homes, these nursing homes,
16:25
Speaker 1: because they see it. And I see, like, every time
16:27
Speaker 1: I go in there, like, I never see anyone there
16:29
Speaker 1: with them. Like, it scares me from my future because
16:35
Speaker 1: I know I don't have kids. I won't have kids.
16:38
Speaker 1: And I worry that there won't be anyone there if
16:40
Speaker 1: this ever happens to me. I get messages from you
16:48
Speaker 1: guys and I meet you guys every day in person.
16:51
Speaker 1: And you're like, you really helped me get through really
16:53
Speaker 1: dark times. And you really made life easier when it wasn't.
16:59
Speaker 1: And I just want you guys to know that you
17:00
Speaker 1: do the same for me. I just want to work hard.
17:09
Speaker 1: I just feel like my body's catching up to me
17:10
Speaker 1: and I, it just is like, you need to sleep
17:12
Speaker 1: for four days. But I couldn't create four days to
17:17
Speaker 1: chill if I paid someone a million dollars. I just
17:22
Speaker 1: wish everybody would be happy and healthy. It's just hard
17:29
Speaker 1: to be funny and creative when everything feels dark. But
17:38
Speaker 1: I'm okay. And I love you guys. I just never thought...
17:45
Speaker 1: I never thought about Alzheimer's and dementia. Like, I never did.
17:48
Speaker 1: Because that was his diagnosis. Alzheimer's and dementia. And it's
17:58
Speaker 1: just all happening really fast. And I don't know how
18:04
Speaker 1: to be around him. But last week was the first
18:09
Speaker 1: day that he didn't even know who I was. That's
18:12
Speaker 1: the first time that happened. And I know that that's
18:13
Speaker 1: just the beginning. And there's so many creators on TikTok
18:17
Speaker 1: that deal with this and they do it with such elegance.
18:19
Speaker 1: And I've caught myself, you know, being like, well, don't
18:22
Speaker 1: you remember? And you can't say that. You can't say
18:26
Speaker 1: that to them. So if you guys have any tips
18:31
Speaker 1: and tricks on how to be and who to be
18:33
Speaker 1: and what to be for him. We have whiteboards everywhere.
18:39
Speaker 1: I call him all day, but I'm trying to cut
18:41
Speaker 1: down the calls. I don't need to call him every
18:43
Speaker 1: couple hours because I get so worried that he's not okay.
18:45
Speaker 1: So I do it once in the morning. I do
18:46
Speaker 1: it once at night. I stop in two or three
18:49
Speaker 1: times a week to make sure he's okay, but I
18:52
Speaker 1: can't get him to take care of himself. I can't.
18:59
Speaker 1: This is not an answer all. There's not a Google
19:00
Speaker 1: bar for this. I have so many things for you guys.
19:06
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Look at this. Well, I'll show you
19:08
Speaker 1: in a minute, but I have this whole new studio
19:10
Speaker 1: on the other side, and it's finally built, and it's done,
19:12
Speaker 1: and I want to do these crazy videos for you guys,
19:14
Speaker 1: and I just don't want to feel like myself when
19:16
Speaker 1: I do them. I don't want to not be authentic.
19:23
Speaker 1: Just thanks for sticking along with me. I know these
19:24
Speaker 1: videos come out, and it's like, God, why are you
19:26
Speaker 1: crying again? But I feel like I haven't cried in
19:29
Speaker 1: a really long time. I went through all of this,
19:32
Speaker 1: and I hadn't cried. I hadn't lost it. And then
19:35
Speaker 1: I went to Taco Bell. And I got, I went
19:38
Speaker 1: to get my order and I drove around the park
19:40
Speaker 1: to eat it and it was wrong. And I went
19:41
Speaker 1: in and they fixed it and I came out and
19:43
Speaker 1: it was still wrong. And I went in and I'm like,
19:44
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. And they gave my taco and i just
19:47
Speaker 1: fucking lost it in taco bell my safe place and
19:53
Speaker 1: it was nothing to do with the tacos it was
19:55
Speaker 1: nothing to do with the tacos it's just weird to
20:01
Speaker 1: shut down someone's life because that's what we've been doing
20:02
Speaker 1: i had to go through this whole house that was
20:06
Speaker 1: my grandmother's things it was like a time capsule and
20:09
Speaker 1: his things, and then for him to want to go
20:11
Speaker 1: to the house, and he's asking, he was there two
20:14
Speaker 1: days ago while we were cleaning it, and then he's like,
20:15
Speaker 1: why is it empty? Where's everything? Where's all my things?
20:23
Speaker 1: The one thing I know is I'm violently strong. Like,
20:26
Speaker 1: if there's anyone who's the one to deal with it
20:28
Speaker 1: in my family, it's me. Because I'll have moments like this,
20:31
Speaker 1: but I can get right back into the game, and
20:32
Speaker 1: I'm so strong. And capable. Because I have been through
20:36
Speaker 1: much worse. But, um... Just if I disappear a little bit,
20:44
Speaker 1: you know? If I'm not posting as much, don't forget
20:46
Speaker 1: about me. Because I didn't forget about you. I have
20:48
Speaker 1: a lot of big projects coming up soon and... I
20:52
Speaker 1: need to pull it together. I love you guys a lot.
20:57
Speaker 1: I've just felt... I don't have anybody to talk to.
21:05
Speaker 1: Everyone's just so busy and happy and I love that.
21:10
Speaker 1: Because that's what everybody deserves. But I'm just, um... I
21:17
Speaker 1: just want to lay in bed for a couple days.
21:19
Speaker 1: And I'll be all better. I love you. Oh yeah,
21:24
Speaker 1: the studio. Here. Look at this. It's all ready. I
21:31
Speaker 1: want to do that Amazon palette. So, um... Until next time.
21:37
Speaker 1: I love you, boot crew.