Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / NATE JACKSON_S SUPER FUNNY COMEDY JAM _ EPISODE 9

Transcript

NATE JACKSON_S SUPER FUNNY COMEDY JAM _ EPISODE 9 · Mic Drop Comedy

0:00
Speaker 1: What up, world? It's your boy Nate Jackson.
0:02
Speaker 2: This is the Super.
0:03
Speaker 3: Fun and Comedy Jam, live from Tacoma, Washington, and it's
0:06
Speaker 3: going down.
0:08
Speaker 1: Let me introduce you to today's comics.
0:10
Speaker 3: Here they go.
0:11
Speaker 2: What's up, everyone? My name is Kelly Kells. I'm from Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
0:15
Speaker 2: by way of ATL, and I'm in the building.
0:19
Speaker 4: I'm Joe Dombrowski. I do live in Seattle now, but
0:21
Speaker 4: today I'm repping Detroit, Michigan.
0:23
Speaker 5: What? What's up, everybody? I'm Sue Ra, like, hoorah, and
0:27
Speaker 5: I came from Miami, y'all.
0:30
Speaker 6: Hey, yo, it's your boy Rodney Perry, comic extraordinaire from Chi-town.
0:34
Speaker 1: What up? What's up, y'all?
0:59
Speaker 6: Hey, man, this is Super Funny Comedy Jam, and it's
1:01
Speaker 6: going down. I'm happy to be here. I hope y'all
1:04
Speaker 6: happy to be here. It's a miracle that I made
1:06
Speaker 6: it because I died 37 times last night. I have
1:10
Speaker 6: sleep apnea. First of all, that's fucked up. You laugh
1:13
Speaker 6: right there. Some of y'all got it, too. I know
1:15
Speaker 6: you got it. You got a little neck.
1:17
Speaker 1: Oh, you got it. You ain't got no neck. I
1:19
Speaker 1: know when you breathe in the air, be like, where
1:21
Speaker 1: do we go? It's nowhere. It's that hard sleep. You
1:24
Speaker 1: sleep hard too, huh? I sure shit do.
1:26
Speaker 7: You sure shit do? What are you, you got horses
1:29
Speaker 7: and cows or something? Why do you talk like a cowboy?
1:33
Speaker 7: I sure shit do, sumbitch. Goddamn root to sumbitch, motherfucking
1:37
Speaker 7: gun shoot. Snoring in that, I.
1:39
Speaker 1: Die on you. What's your name? No neck.
1:42
Speaker 6: Nice to meet you, Juliana. You do something in particular
1:44
Speaker 6: for work?
1:45
Speaker 2: I work from home.
1:46
Speaker 5: I pharmacy.
1:47
Speaker 1: Sleep all day. Look at you. Broad daylight. No wonder
1:51
Speaker 1: we can't get through. She at home.
1:52
Speaker 6: You can get over that sleep apnea.
1:57
Speaker 1: You'll be all right. I've been sleeping bad my whole life.
2:00
Speaker 6: They want me to pay $ 108 copay to let a
2:02
Speaker 6: doctor tell me what I already know.
2:05
Speaker 1: When I was nine, my aunt gave me my uncle's CPAP.
2:09
Speaker 1: She said, you need help. He died three years earlier
2:12
Speaker 1: wearing it. I'm like, I don't want to wear a
2:14
Speaker 1: dead man's mask.
2:16
Speaker 6: They put it on me anyway. It smelled like Black
2:18
Speaker 6: & Miles.
2:18
Speaker 1: And Clover cigarettes. It's terrible. I was a little kid,
2:23
Speaker 1: had a sleepover.
2:24
Speaker 6: Nine homies came over, we played NBA Jam.
2:27
Speaker 1: They need to bring that back. NBA Jam was dope.
2:29
Speaker 1: You hit them three shots, he's on fire!
2:31
Speaker 6: We played all the way till like four in the morning.
2:34
Speaker 6: Whole house smelled like farts and Cheetos. Everybody retreated to
2:38
Speaker 6: their own pallets to go to sleep. I woke up alone.
2:41
Speaker 6: Everybody was outside without me playing for what looked like
2:44
Speaker 6: maybe two hours. I went outside, how y'all just.
2:47
Speaker 4: Gonna leave me?
2:47
Speaker 6: They be like, you was in there turning into something.
2:50
Speaker 1: I said, what? You was in there turning into something.
2:53
Speaker 1: I said, what? What do you mean? What it sound like?
2:55
Speaker 6: I don't know.
2:56
Speaker 1: A little dinosaur, a big dog, something. I said, what
3:00
Speaker 1: it sound like? And then you stopped breathing. That's when
3:08
Speaker 1: we left.
3:09
Speaker 6: Hey man, we about to start this up. Y'all ready
3:12
Speaker 6: for the first comic? Start making some noise right now.
3:15
Speaker 3: More noise in that, more noise in that, more noise
3:18
Speaker 3: in that, more noise in that, more noise in.
3:21
Speaker 1: That, more noise in that.
3:23
Speaker 2: Now give it up for Kelly Kell!
3:31
Speaker 1: Yeah!
3:32
Speaker 2: What's up, ladies?
3:33
Speaker 6: Hey, ladies!
3:36
Speaker 2: I just want you to know the new greeting for
3:38
Speaker 2: a woman is when you touch your fingers right here
3:39
Speaker 2: and tilt. But this used to be how big people
3:42
Speaker 2: asked to borrow some food.
3:43
Speaker 1: Like, let me get a little....
3:45
Speaker 2: I love being a woman, man. It's such a privilege
3:47
Speaker 2: and an honor. Because when women meet each other, we
3:49
Speaker 2: can do things that other people can't do. Like, we'd
3:52
Speaker 2: be in the bathroom pointing to motherfuckers we don't even know.
3:54
Speaker 2: My husband be so worried about me, like, babe, what
3:58
Speaker 2: took you so long in the bathroom? I'm like, I
4:00
Speaker 2: met somebody.
4:01
Speaker 1: Yeah!
4:03
Speaker 2: I mean, seriously, because we can bond over anything. We
4:06
Speaker 2: be in the bathroom like, where in the fuck did
4:09
Speaker 2: you get that outfit from, right? And this girl just
4:12
Speaker 2: told me, like, literally, I just met somebody today, and
4:14
Speaker 2: she told me she got her outfit from the Zahn.
4:17
Speaker 2: And I said, yeah, I know y'all probably like, what
4:19
Speaker 2: the fuck is that? That's what I said. The Zahn.
4:21
Speaker 2: And she said, Amazon. I'm like, oh my God. Amazon.
4:28
Speaker 2: I had to ask her, like, are you primed?
4:30
Speaker 1: Because.
4:32
Speaker 2: It's something about being a prime member. Where my prime
4:34
Speaker 2: members at? Oh, I knew I fucked with y'all. Look
4:39
Speaker 2: at all you peasants that's not, y'all. Oh, my God.
4:42
Speaker 2: Who the fuck is living without being primed? Amazon got
4:45
Speaker 2: me acting so bougie. Now, I'm not sure what's going
4:49
Speaker 2: on in Tacoma, but over in Atlanta, Amazon doing dumb shit. Like,
4:53
Speaker 2: if you order 10 things on Monday, they ask, do
4:55
Speaker 2: you want to wait till Thursday to receive everything in
4:58
Speaker 2: one big box?
5:00
Speaker 1: Bitch, are you dumb? I'm prime.
5:05
Speaker 2: Deliver that shit box by box, day by day.
5:09
Speaker 1: Vroom, vroom, vroom.
5:11
Speaker 2: Now, especially if I meet that little timeline. You know
5:13
Speaker 2: that timeline they say shit like, if you order in
5:16
Speaker 2: three hours, you can get it tonight between four and nine.
5:19
Speaker 2: I'm like, bitch, I'm finna.
5:20
Speaker 1: Kill this shit.
5:21
Speaker 2: I'm finna do it now. I need those two picks ASAP. Hey,
5:27
Speaker 2: but listen, let me tell you something, women. Ordering on
5:30
Speaker 2: Amazon ain't for the weak at heart. Like every time
5:32
Speaker 2: I try to order some shit and they ask you like,
5:34
Speaker 2: do you want it to be like a one or
5:35
Speaker 2: a two or a three or a four? I'm like, bitch,
5:38
Speaker 2: what is that? I need to know like the stretch
5:40
Speaker 2: size because these hips ain't normal hips. And I know
5:43
Speaker 2: these ain't normal hips. This ain't got nothing to do
5:44
Speaker 2: with anything. I got ADHD, so I'm finna switch subjects.
5:49
Speaker 2: I know these not normal hips because at the Superbowl,
5:52
Speaker 2: like I was super excited about the Superbowl. I tried
5:54
Speaker 2: to audition for the Superbowl, but they, I want to
5:56
Speaker 2: be a bush, but they wouldn't let me. Cause my
5:59
Speaker 2: hips kept poking out the side, bitch. I couldn't fit
6:03
Speaker 2: the bush. Bitch, I'm like, where the.
6:05
Speaker 5: Trees at, hoe?
6:07
Speaker 6: Okay.
6:09
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do anybody else got ADHD? Shut
6:11
Speaker 2: the fuck up. You been diagnosed?
6:16
Speaker 1: Oh, not me.
6:16
Speaker 2: I went on Google, but... That's you? I swear to God, hey,
6:22
Speaker 2: if you ever tried to diagnose yourself on Google, that
6:25
Speaker 2: shit scary. No, don't do it like at 3 o'clock
6:28
Speaker 2: in the morning when you delusional too. You ever went
6:30
Speaker 2: to the bathroom like at 3 or 4 o'clock in
6:32
Speaker 2: the morning and you like, hey, Google, why sometimes when
6:35
Speaker 2: I wake up in the morning, my left knee be
6:36
Speaker 2: cramped up and then I walk to the bathroom like
6:38
Speaker 2: a penguin, but if I sit there for like three
6:40
Speaker 2: minutes and then I rest and I walk out the bathroom,
6:42
Speaker 2: I be okay.
6:42
Speaker 1: Search.
6:47
Speaker 2: Then what if it come back like it need to
6:48
Speaker 2: be amputated?
6:49
Speaker 1: You like, whoa.
6:51
Speaker 2: No way, I just joined Planet Fitness.
6:53
Speaker 1: Ain't no motherfucker.
6:56
Speaker 2: Speaking of Planet Fitness, I'm in the top 10 bodies
6:58
Speaker 2: in that motherfucker. I don't know if y'all know. Planet
7:00
Speaker 2: Fitness is a no-judgment zone. Have y'all known that? That
7:03
Speaker 2: means there's no accountability.
7:04
Speaker 5: That means.
7:06
Speaker 2: That mean that's every big bitch dream, you hear me?
7:10
Speaker 2: Soon as I walk in there, I feel like I'm
7:11
Speaker 2: on top of the world. I got an outfit for
7:15
Speaker 2: Planet Fitness on Amazon, and it said that it had
7:17
Speaker 2: like 25% spandex and like 30% polyester, and bitch, I
7:21
Speaker 2: almost don't know how polyester stretch, because when I put
7:25
Speaker 2: that on, I was like, oh, this ain't a four.
7:26
Speaker 2: This can't, bitch, it must be a four in kids,
7:30
Speaker 2: all right? One thing I love about Amazon too, though,
7:33
Speaker 2: because you literally can type women pants and then it'll
7:38
Speaker 2: fill in the rest. You don't even fucking know that
7:40
Speaker 2: you wanted a stripe down the side or a bow
7:43
Speaker 2: or a pants with a zipper or a leather strip.
7:46
Speaker 2: They fill it in and bitch, you got 18 things
7:48
Speaker 2: in a cart.
7:50
Speaker 1: And you gonna have to.
7:50
Speaker 2: Take back 17 because... But I'll go to Staples. Anybody
7:55
Speaker 2: know about the return policy? You got to go to Staples.
7:57
Speaker 2: I'll be sitting there like, I'm returning this shit. It'd
8:01
Speaker 2: be like $ 19 for 42 items, but I'm getting that
8:03
Speaker 2: shit back. Okay? I'm feeling so skinny. I had a salad.
8:09
Speaker 1: No, bitch.
8:11
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, a salad a day will have you
8:13
Speaker 2: acting real bougie. Like, I can tell when somebody ain't
8:16
Speaker 2: have a salad. Like, yeah, sir, you mugging and shit.
8:19
Speaker 2: Didn't have a salad. I ain't even put no croutons
8:21
Speaker 2: on it because I can't have bread. But I had
8:24
Speaker 2: rice at the bottom, like. Hey y'all, I love y'all
8:29
Speaker 2: so much. I'm Kelly Kills, I love y'all.
8:30
Speaker 1: Love you guys. Hey, one more time for Kelly Kills, y'all.
8:38
Speaker 1: Kelly Kelz is funnier than a motherfucker. When she said
8:40
Speaker 1: her hips don't fit in the bushes.
8:41
Speaker 6: I don't know about y'all, but I watched that whole
8:45
Speaker 6: Super Bowl like, I don't know what the fuck he's saying.
8:48
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's saying, but this shit going though.
8:51
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's saying. Even my Duolingo was like,
8:53
Speaker 1: we don't know, my friend.
8:54
Speaker 6: Keep that energy up. We about to go into the
8:57
Speaker 6: next comic. Start making noise right now. Start making noise
8:59
Speaker 6: right now. Y'all give it up for the very funny
9:01
Speaker 6: Joe Dombrowski.
9:09
Speaker 1: What's going on, Tacoma?
9:11
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted.
9:13
Speaker 4: My husband and I, we just had a baby. We
9:15
Speaker 4: can do that now, bitch. And we did IVF and
9:18
Speaker 4: surrogacy just as the Lord intended it. And I don't
9:22
Speaker 4: know if you know anything about IVF. It's all doctor's appointments.
9:25
Speaker 4: And here, that's a problem for me because I'm bad
9:27
Speaker 4: at doctor's appointments. I get nervous, uncomfortable. I say weird shit.
9:31
Speaker 4: Like I had to get a colonoscopy last year. And
9:34
Speaker 4: at the pre-check, the doctor said, hey, Joe, this might
9:37
Speaker 4: hurt a little. And I said, I think we're fine.
9:46
Speaker 4: And then he put his fingers in me.
9:48
Speaker 1: I panicked.
9:49
Speaker 4: I spoke to this man.
9:50
Speaker 2: I said, look at that, Rick.
9:51
Speaker 4: It's like I'm your little finger puppet right now. Why
9:55
Speaker 4: am I like this anyway? But let me tell you what,
9:58
Speaker 4: when I was going through these Ivy appointments with our
10:01
Speaker 4: surrogate I was learning so much about so much that
10:03
Speaker 4: I do not know so much about let me tell
10:06
Speaker 4: you what most gay men when you meet them they
10:08
Speaker 4: will say about vagina I hate it yucky poo poo
10:12
Speaker 4: garbage not me no no gaga bye bye no no
10:15
Speaker 4: no no bad bad not good bad bad bad not me.
10:20
Speaker 2: I love it.
10:22
Speaker 1: I love it.
10:23
Speaker 4: I am fascinated by that toothless Venus flytrap you all have.
10:29
Speaker 2: It is beautiful.
10:30
Speaker 4: It's so complex and mysterious. It's like a cross between
10:34
Speaker 4: Pan's Labyrinth and Fraggle Rock. It's crazy.
10:37
Speaker 1: Listen, listen, listen.
10:38
Speaker 4: I learned so much. These are some things I learned.
10:40
Speaker 4: Thing number one I learned. Ladies, did you know that
10:42
Speaker 4: you have four labias? Yeah, well, I fucking didn't.
10:47
Speaker 1: Listen.
10:47
Speaker 2: Listen.
10:48
Speaker 1: You have four.
10:49
Speaker 4: You have two majoras and two menorahs. So we're halfway
10:52
Speaker 4: to Hanukkah.
10:53
Speaker 6: And I.
10:55
Speaker 1: Got curious.
10:55
Speaker 4: I asked our doctor. I said, why four? Stump the bitch.
11:00
Speaker 4: She looked at me and she said, um, to keep
11:02
Speaker 4: the sand out. I said, who is coming to this clinic?
11:07
Speaker 4: Just a bunch of pilgrims who don't wear panties just
11:10
Speaker 4: dragging their puss across the Puget Sound? And I hope
11:13
Speaker 4: they'd rinse it out before they got here or else
11:15
Speaker 4: what are they doing? Making pearls? Another thing I learned,
11:20
Speaker 4: I learned about something called dilation, which apparently you have
11:22
Speaker 4: a baby, your vagina turns Catholic and goes, ah. When
11:29
Speaker 4: our doctor explained dilation to us, she said, when your
11:32
Speaker 4: surrogate's at a four, go to the hospital. When she's
11:34
Speaker 4: at a 10, that's when you know things are going
11:36
Speaker 4: to get started. She did not tell me the unit
11:39
Speaker 4: of measurement. I thought that thing was going to open
11:42
Speaker 4: up 10 inches. 10 inches. That is this fucking big.
11:46
Speaker 4: I thought I was going to be down there with
11:48
Speaker 4: a lantern looking like inside.
11:49
Speaker 1: Like, is my son coming out or am I getting
11:51
Speaker 1: sucked in?
11:55
Speaker 4: Here's another thing about your labias, by the way. Did
11:59
Speaker 4: you know that women at some point in your life,
12:03
Speaker 4: a certain age, your labias majoras just go away? They
12:09
Speaker 4: go away, bitch. Look it up on ChatGPT. One day
12:13
Speaker 4: the cooter fairy will come down to you. She will say,
12:15
Speaker 4: that's enough talking. And by the way, I want you
12:19
Speaker 4: all to know that I can see you right now.
12:21
Speaker 4: And the ones who are not laughing, four lips. The
12:23
Speaker 4: two lippers, you're having a great time.
12:26
Speaker 1: Look around.
12:26
Speaker 2: Spot a two lipper.
12:27
Speaker 1: Count them.
12:28
Speaker 2: Two by two like Noah.
12:29
Speaker 1: They're everywhere.
12:30
Speaker 4: They're having a great time. Something else I learned.
12:37
Speaker 1: And this one pisses me off.
12:39
Speaker 4: I didn't know that women have the ability to self-lubricate.
12:44
Speaker 4: Quite literally, during sexual coitus, which is just a fancy
12:48
Speaker 4: word for fucking, your vagina goes, you know what, I'd
12:53
Speaker 4: like it to be a little slicker now, please. Which, yeah, vagina,
12:57
Speaker 4: it has a British accent, because that is a British name.
13:01
Speaker 4: What's your name?
13:01
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm vagina.
13:04
Speaker 4: I'm vagina, what's yours?
13:05
Speaker 1: Richard.
13:06
Speaker 6: Dick?
13:10
Speaker 4: But self-lubricating, come on. First of all, fuck you. Do
13:14
Speaker 4: you know how many bed sheets I've ruined with the sweet,
13:17
Speaker 4: sweet stain of silicone lube? Do you know how much
13:21
Speaker 4: money gay men are wasting by buying their own? Meanwhile,
13:25
Speaker 4: you dumb bitches, you should just have a glass jar
13:27
Speaker 4: in your bed stand, catch it, open an Etsy shop,
13:29
Speaker 4: and the gays would go crazy. Tacoma, I'm Joe Dombrowski.
13:33
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for your time.
13:40
Speaker 1: Joe Dombrowski, everybody!
13:46
Speaker 6: Hey, listen, man, gay dudes talking about how big a
13:50
Speaker 6: coochie you get.
13:51
Speaker 1: I didn't see that in my cards for today.
13:52
Speaker 7: He was shocked that he hadn't seen a big one.
13:56
Speaker 6: Stay out there, playboy. I seen some doozies, my man.
14:01
Speaker 6: Stay out there, boy. There ain't something you go down
14:04
Speaker 6: on like I'm about to eat you out.
14:07
Speaker 1: Eat you out. Eat you out. Eat you out. Eat
14:13
Speaker 1: you out. Eat you out. Eat you out. Eat you out.
14:20
Speaker 3: Eat you.
14:22
Speaker 5: Out.
14:22
Speaker 3: Eat you out.
14:24
Speaker 1: Eat you out. The fuck? Eat you out. Eat you out.
14:30
Speaker 1: You're like, what?
14:33
Speaker 5: What?
14:33
Speaker 1: My voice was in there bouncing around like a screensaver?
14:38
Speaker 6: Next comment coming to the stage, start making some noise
14:40
Speaker 6: right now, y'all.
14:41
Speaker 5: Y'all give.
14:43
Speaker 1: It up for Sue Ross.
14:53
Speaker 5: Did you all save the Asian chick for the end
14:54
Speaker 5: because you knew I'd be a happy ending? Is that
14:57
Speaker 5: what's going on? Yeah, I'm a blonde Asian baby. I
15:01
Speaker 5: just dyed my hair blonde, you know? People keep asking
15:03
Speaker 5: me if I'm having more fun. I'm like, yeah, man,
15:06
Speaker 5: being a blonde Asian, it's like having a mullet, you know?
15:09
Speaker 5: Like white trash in the back, cash only in the front.
15:14
Speaker 5: It's great to be here. I'm originally from the South. Yeah, well,
15:19
Speaker 5: I meant South Korea, but, uh... Hey, we got really
15:23
Speaker 5: good barbecue too, okay? You just gotta cook it yourself.
15:27
Speaker 5: But man, being from Korea though, people will still ask
15:30
Speaker 5: me which Korea I'm from. The one you can get
15:35
Speaker 5: out of. Growing up, kids would be like, don't be
15:39
Speaker 5: mean to me or my brother will beat you up.
15:41
Speaker 5: I'm like, don't be mean to me, my dad's Kim
15:43
Speaker 5: Jong Il. I don't feel that Korean, though, because I'm adopted,
15:48
Speaker 5: you know? I realize, like, adoption is truly the epitome
15:52
Speaker 5: of being one man's trash, another man's treasure. Oh, come on,
15:56
Speaker 5: don't feel bad, man.
15:57
Speaker 4: This is Tacoma.
15:58
Speaker 5: Y'all love trash. Nah, you really shouldn't feel.
16:03
Speaker 4: Bad, though.
16:03
Speaker 5: When I say that, people feel bad. I'm like, don't
16:05
Speaker 5: feel bad, man. My parents, they save me from a
16:07
Speaker 5: life of fixing Samsung phones.
16:08
Speaker 2: I'm good.
16:09
Speaker 5: I'm an iPhone user now, y'all. I was adopted, you know?
16:15
Speaker 5: I was adopted by white people, because white people got
16:18
Speaker 5: a history of buying humans. Oh, is that the awkward
16:23
Speaker 5: laughter of white guilt right there? Hey, that was a
16:26
Speaker 5: Black History Month joke, y'all, okay? If you guys don't
16:31
Speaker 5: like that joke, you don't like this whole entire month, okay?
16:35
Speaker 2: I was adopted, you know?
16:36
Speaker 5: And I think the dumbest question people ask me after
16:39
Speaker 5: meeting my white parents would be like, did they tell
16:41
Speaker 5: you you were adopted? I'm like, I can see through
16:45
Speaker 5: these eyes, bitch.
16:46
Speaker 2: What do you think?
16:47
Speaker 5: They just hid all the mirrors from me in my house.
16:51
Speaker 5: And one day at dinner, I like caught my reflection
16:53
Speaker 5: in a spoon. I was like.
16:56
Speaker 4: Oh shit.
16:57
Speaker 5: I should be using chopsticks. Because it was a confusing time.
17:01
Speaker 5: It was the early 90s. So the only Disney princess
17:03
Speaker 5: that kind of looked like me was Pocahontas, you know?
17:05
Speaker 5: So I thought I was Indian for like three straight summers.
17:09
Speaker 5: But then Mulan came out. And I was like, oh shit,
17:12
Speaker 5: now this my bitch. My story's crazy, man. I was
17:16
Speaker 5: put up for adoption because I was left in a box. Yeah,
17:19
Speaker 5: it's true, I'm a box baby. Started from a box,
17:23
Speaker 5: now I'm here, hey. I always wondered like what kind
17:28
Speaker 5: of box it was. I think it was a KFC box.
17:32
Speaker 5: Except for my shit's still for Korean female child. Okay,
17:35
Speaker 5: some of y'all can spell. I asked my parents how
17:40
Speaker 5: much they paid for my adoption. They said $ 20, 000. I'm like, dang,
17:45
Speaker 5: I'm like a new Nissan Altima. I'm sorry, that's Japanese.
17:49
Speaker 5: I'm like a new Kia Sorento.
17:51
Speaker 1: I don't.
17:52
Speaker 5: Feel that Asian though. You know, like I grew up
17:54
Speaker 5: in a very white town. I know because I was
17:56
Speaker 5: the blackest person in my town. I found out when
17:59
Speaker 5: we put on a play of the US presidents and
18:01
Speaker 5: they chose me to be Obama. I was like, I
18:05
Speaker 5: didn't even audition for this shit, you know? I guess
18:08
Speaker 5: what I'm saying is I feel about as Asian as
18:10
Speaker 5: one of those California sushi rolls, you know? Like, I
18:14
Speaker 5: know I look exotic, but shit, I'm just imitation crab.
18:18
Speaker 5: All right, y'all, thank you guys so much.
18:23
Speaker 1: One more time for Shiraz! Keep that energy rolling. Keep
18:28
Speaker 1: that energy rolling.
18:29
Speaker 3: The next comedian is a motherfucking legend.
18:33
Speaker 4: Give it up for Rodney.
18:39
Speaker 1: Perry!
18:41
Speaker 6: Why would I just celebrate our 29-year anniversary?
18:45
Speaker 1: Give us a hand. 29 years, man. 29 years. Life
18:50
Speaker 1: without the possibility of parole. And she still likes me.
18:54
Speaker 1: I'm old, too.
18:55
Speaker 6: I ain't what I used to be. My balls used
18:58
Speaker 6: to be tight to my body.
19:02
Speaker 1: I go boo-boo last week, right? I'm boo-booing, but I'm cold.
19:06
Speaker 1: I'm like, why the fuck am I cold? My balls
19:10
Speaker 1: in the water.
19:16
Speaker 6: Toughest two years of our marriage was the pandemic. The
19:20
Speaker 6: pandemic was hard on us. I don't know about y'all,
19:22
Speaker 6: but you married through the pandemic, you something else. You
19:25
Speaker 6: good people, you can make it through anything. The pandemic,
19:28
Speaker 6: we've been married three decades, but we never been in
19:30
Speaker 6: the house no 500 days in a row.
19:32
Speaker 1: It's hard, man.
19:34
Speaker 6: I found out about my wife, I didn't know. First
19:36
Speaker 6: of all, my wife liked to keep the remote all night.
19:38
Speaker 6: She wouldn't lay in the bed. So I had to
19:41
Speaker 6: watch her bullshit on TV. Her shit became my shit.
19:45
Speaker 6: So now my favorite show, My 600-lb Life.
19:50
Speaker 1: That's my shit.
19:52
Speaker 6: Every 600-lb woman got what? A husband and a great guy. Like,
19:57
Speaker 6: you a good guy? You a good guy? You ain't
19:59
Speaker 6: give up the 600-lb dude. Get up every Friday morning,
20:02
Speaker 6: go to Domino's, about 95 pieces.
20:06
Speaker 1: What a great guy.
20:07
Speaker 6: 600 pounds, you gotta respect a 600 pound woman. First
20:12
Speaker 6: of all, she's resourceful. She lay in that bed and
20:15
Speaker 6: fry some chicken and eat it right off her chest.
20:19
Speaker 6: Glad to be in Seattle, man, Tacoma, man. I love
20:22
Speaker 6: to see the whites. Give it up for the whites.
20:25
Speaker 1: Appreciate y'all whites.
20:27
Speaker 8: I love the whites because that's our other guilty pleasure.
20:30
Speaker 8: We like true crime. The white women are the queens
20:34
Speaker 8: of all true crime. Let me tell you something dog,
20:38
Speaker 8: they'll kill your ass, you hear me? If you do
20:41
Speaker 8: not fuck around a white woman, keep a long murder.
20:44
Speaker 8: If one lady killed her husband, 70 years, rat poison.
20:48
Speaker 8: How the fuck you stay mad so long? You know,
20:52
Speaker 8: they right in the front, I see them.
20:54
Speaker 1: Murder, it's okay. Love you ladies, man.
20:59
Speaker 6: Y'all give it a head, head. He like a wife, head, head.
21:06
Speaker 6: First of all, what the fuck is this? Fellas, don't trip.
21:12
Speaker 6: If you're not getting the heads you think you deserve,
21:13
Speaker 6: it might be partially your fault. Because your diet ain't good.
21:17
Speaker 6: You gotta eat stuff to make your body taste better.
21:20
Speaker 6: You gotta eat sweet stuff.
21:22
Speaker 1: You gotta eat mangoes. Oh, that go to the dick
21:26
Speaker 1: sucking table right there. Pineapples.
21:31
Speaker 6: Pineapples.
21:32
Speaker 1: She got right on it, didn't she? I just found
21:36
Speaker 1: out about the pineapples last week. I just found out.
21:39
Speaker 1: I went to Costco, got a trash can full of pineapples.
21:42
Speaker 1: And I'm loading up.
21:44
Speaker 8: I'm loading up on pineapples, because I want to be
21:45
Speaker 8: right for my lady. Three hours I'm loading up. My
21:48
Speaker 8: nuts are swollen with the sweet nectar of pineapples. Loaded.
21:52
Speaker 1: I'm loading myself up.
21:54
Speaker 6: Ate pineapple so long, I look over at my wife
21:56
Speaker 6: and fell asleep.
21:58
Speaker 8: You better wake your ass up and get this smoothie.
22:01
Speaker 8: You better get your ass up and get this jamba juice.
22:03
Speaker 8: It's pineapple and flurry. She never did wake up. Ended
22:09
Speaker 8: up having the pleasure myself. But I didn't realize I
22:12
Speaker 8: had built up so much pressure in my body, so
22:14
Speaker 8: when I hit it, it exploded up to the ceiling.
22:18
Speaker 1: Little drop came down, hit me right on the cheek.
22:24
Speaker 1: Tastes like pineapple, too. I'm Rodney Perry, man. Y'all have
22:27
Speaker 1: a great night.
22:36
Speaker 3: One more time for Rodney Perry, y'all. Rodney Perry, Kelly Kells,
22:46
Speaker 3: Joe Dombrowski, and Sue Rock.
22:48
Speaker 1: We'll see y'all again next week, y'all. Peace.