Latest / Jakes Messages and Purpose / People Who Secretly Hate You Show These Behaviors - T.D. Jakes Messages and Purpose

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People Who Secretly Hate You Show These Behaviors - T.D. Jakes Messages and Purpose · Jakes Messages and Purpose

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Speaker 1: There are people who will ask you how you are doing,
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Speaker 1: but deep down, they are hoping you are not doing well.
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Speaker 1: There are people who will listen to your problems, but
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Speaker 1: instead of praying for your strength, they secretly enjoy hearing
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Speaker 1: about your weakness. They may smile when you tell them
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Speaker 1: about your struggles. They may give you words that sound
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Speaker 1: like concern, but something about their presence leaves you feeling smaller, discouraged,
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Speaker 1: or strangely exposed. You have to learn the difference between
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Speaker 1: somebody who is genuinely concerned about your pain and somebody
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Speaker 1: who is entertained by it. Everybody who asks questions does
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Speaker 1: not deserve access to your wounds. Everybody who says, I'm
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Speaker 1: here for you, has not necessarily proven that they are
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Speaker 1: for you. Sometimes the clearest revelation does not come from
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Speaker 1: what a person says when you are winning. It comes
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Speaker 1: from how they behave when you are losing. When everything
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Speaker 1: is going well, almost everybody can smile with you. When
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Speaker 1: doors are opening, opportunities are appearing, and blessings are coming
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Speaker 1: into your life, People can easily congratulate you, but when
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Speaker 1: you are struggling, when your plans fall apart, when you
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Speaker 1: are walking through a season you never expected, That is
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Speaker 1: when character begins to reveal itself. Some people become unusually
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Speaker 1: interested in your problems. They want every detail. They want
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Speaker 1: to know what went wrong, who disappointed you, how much
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Speaker 1: money you lost, what happened in your relationship, what happened
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Speaker 1: at your job, and why your plans did not work out.
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Speaker 1: Yet somehow, after every conversation, you feel more discouraged than before.
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Speaker 1: You have to stop confusing curiosity with compassion. Compassion wants
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Speaker 1: to help you heal. Curiosity wants information. Compassion protects your dignity.
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Speaker 1: Curiosity collects your vulnerabilities. Compassion reminds you that one difficult
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Speaker 1: season does not define your entire life. But hidden hostility
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Speaker 1: may use your difficult season as evidence against you. It
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Speaker 1: may tell you that you deserved what happened. It may
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Speaker 1: remind you of every mistake you ever made. It may
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Speaker 1: quietly suggest that you are incapable, unlucky, or destined to
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Speaker 1: remain where you are. And sometimes the person will say
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Speaker 1: it with a smile, making it difficult to recognize what
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Speaker 1: is actually happening. Be careful of the person who seems
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Speaker 1: disappointed when you recover. You tell them that you found
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Speaker 1: a new opportunity and suddenly they become quiet. You tell
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Speaker 1: them that you are healing and they remind you of
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Speaker 1: everything that hurt you. You tell them that you have
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Speaker 1: forgiven someone and they encourage you to remain angry. You
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Speaker 1: tell them that you are finally moving forward and they
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Speaker 1: bring up your past again. Why? Because some people become
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Speaker 1: comfortable with the version of you that is struggling. Your
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Speaker 1: pain gives them a position in your life. Your weakness
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Speaker 1: makes them feel needed. Your confusion gives them influence. And
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Speaker 1: when you begin to become whole, they may not know
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Speaker 1: how to relate to you anymore. Do not become paranoid
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Speaker 1: and do not assume that every person who gives you
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Speaker 1: difficult advice secretly hates you. Sometimes people genuinely care enough
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Speaker 1: to tell you something you do not want to hear.
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Speaker 1: Wisdom requires discernment, not suspicion. The issue is the pattern.
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Speaker 1: Look at what repeatedly happens after you share something vulnerable.
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Speaker 1: Do you leave the conversation feeling strengthened or humiliated? Does
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Speaker 1: this person protect your confidence or spread your private information?
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Speaker 1: Do they encourage your recovery or repeatedly remind you of
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Speaker 1: your failures? Do they pray for your restoration or seem
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Speaker 1: strangely satisfied whenever something goes wrong? You do not have
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Speaker 1: to accuse everybody. You do not have to confront every person.
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Speaker 1: You do not have to announce that you have discovered
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Speaker 1: their intentions. Sometimes wisdom simply teaches you to become quieter.
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Speaker 1: You can love people without giving them unlimited access. You
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Speaker 1: can forgive people without trusting them with everything. You can
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Speaker 1: wish somebody well while deciding that they no longer have
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Speaker 1: permission to stand close enough to influence your peace. There
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Speaker 1: is a difference between having a good heart and having
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Speaker 1: no boundaries. Sometimes God will allow you to see people's
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Speaker 1: behavior not to make you bitter, but to make you discerning.
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Speaker 1: The revelation is not always an invitation to fight. Sometimes
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Speaker 1: it is an invitation to step back. You do not
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Speaker 1: need revenge when understanding has given you clarity. You do
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Speaker 1: not need to expose everybody when your behavior can simply change.
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Speaker 1: Stop telling everyone what hurts you. Stop handing your deepest
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Speaker 1: wounds to people who have never demonstrated the ability to
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Speaker 1: handle them with care. Your pain is sacred. Your healing
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Speaker 1: deserves protection. Your future deserves an environment where your growth
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Speaker 1: is not constantly questioned. And remember this, a difficult season
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Speaker 1: is not proof that your life is failing. Sometimes you
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Speaker 1: are simply walking through a chapter that requires patience, endurance,
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Speaker 1: and faith. Do not let somebody else's strange satisfaction with
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Speaker 1: your struggle convince you that your struggle is your identity.
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Speaker 1: You may be crying today and still be carrying tomorrow's testimony.
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Speaker 1: You may be exhausted today and still possess strength you
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Speaker 1: have not yet discovered. You may have lost something important
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Speaker 1: and still be on your way towards something greater. Never
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Speaker 1: allow the people who enjoy seeing you down to become
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Speaker 1: the voices that define how high you can rise. So
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Speaker 1: protect your heart without hardening it. Stay compassionate without becoming naive.
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Speaker 1: Stay loving without becoming available to manipulation. Watch patterns, listen carefully,
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Speaker 1: and pay attention to how people respond when your life
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Speaker 1: is not going according to plan. The people who truly
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Speaker 1: care about you will not need your suffering to feel important.
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Speaker 1: They will not celebrate your pain. They will not use
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Speaker 1: your lowest moments as entertainment. They will want to see
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Speaker 1: you restored, strengthened, healed, and standing again, even when your
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Speaker 1: restoration means you no longer need them in the same way.
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Speaker 1: There is something powerful about growth because growth changes the
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Speaker 1: way people experience you. When you are struggling, confused, insecure,
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Speaker 1: or constantly seeking approval, certain people feel comfortable around you
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Speaker 1: because they know exactly how to relate to that version
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Speaker 1: of you. But when you begin to heal, when you
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Speaker 1: become disciplined, when you start believing in yourself, when you
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Speaker 1: stop begging for acceptance, something changes. Your confidence becomes visible.
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Speaker 1: Your standards become different. Your boundaries become stronger. And suddenly,
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Speaker 1: the people who were comfortable with the old version of
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Speaker 1: you may become uncomfortable with the new one. Pay attention
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Speaker 1: to the person who can celebrate you only when your
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Speaker 1: success does not make them feel small. Some people will
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Speaker 1: clap for you as long as they believe they are
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Speaker 1: ahead of you. They can tolerate your dreams when those
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Speaker 1: dreams remain dreams. They can encourage you when your plans
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Speaker 1: are still uncertain. But when the vision begins to become reality,
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Speaker 1: their language changes. Instead of saying, I'm proud of you,
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Speaker 1: they begin saying, you think you're better than everybody now.
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Speaker 1: Instead of asking how they can support you, they start
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Speaker 1: searching for reasons your success is not as meaningful as
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Speaker 1: you think. They minimize what you accomplished because acknowledging your
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Speaker 1: growth forces them to confront what they have not done
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Speaker 1: with their own lives. Do not allow somebody else's discomfort
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Speaker 1: to make you apologize for your progress. You are not
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Speaker 1: arrogant simply because you have confidence. You are not selfish
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Speaker 1: because you finally learned to protect your time. You are
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Speaker 1: not difficult because you stopped accepting disrespect. You are not
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Speaker 1: changing for the worse because you no longer tolerate the
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Speaker 1: things you once tolerated. Growth often looks strange to people
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Speaker 1: who benefited from your lack of boundaries. There will be
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Speaker 1: moments when you have to understand that your elevation will
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Speaker 1: change relationships, not because you became better than somebody else,
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Speaker 1: but because you became different from who you used to be.
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Speaker 1: You may no longer enjoy the conversations that once consumed
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Speaker 1: your time. You may no longer feel comfortable participating in gossip.
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Speaker 1: You may no longer want to explain every decision. You
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Speaker 1: may no longer be available every time somebody calls. You
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Speaker 1: may begin choosing peace over popularity and purpose over approval.
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Speaker 1: And when you make those choices, some people will accuse
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Speaker 1: you of changing. But listen carefully. Changing is not always betrayal.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes changing is evidence that you finally listened to the
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Speaker 1: lessons your life was trying to teach you. There are
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Speaker 1: seasons when you have to outgrow environments that keep pulling
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Speaker 1: you backward. There are relationships that can survive your growth.
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Speaker 1: Because healthy people know how to celebrate transformation. But there
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Speaker 1: are also relationships that become threatened by your development because
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Speaker 1: your growth removes the control they once had over you.
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Speaker 1: Do not measure your progress by how comfortable everybody else
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Speaker 1: feels around you. If you constantly make yourself smaller so
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Speaker 1: someone else can feel bigger, you are not walking in humility.
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Speaker 1: You are abandoning yourself. Humility does not require you to
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Speaker 1: deny your gifts. Humility does not require you to hide
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Speaker 1: your accomplishments. Humility means recognizing that what you have been
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Speaker 1: given carries responsibility. You can be grateful for your progress
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Speaker 1: without becoming prideful. You can celebrate your breakthrough without looking
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Speaker 1: down on somebody else. Watch carefully when someone consistently turns
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Speaker 1: your good news into a negative conversation. You tell them
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Speaker 1: you reached a goal and they remind you of something
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Speaker 1: you failed at. You tell them you received an opportunity
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Speaker 1: and they immediately explain why it may not work. You
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Speaker 1: tell them you are happy and they search for the
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Speaker 1: hidden problem. You tell them you are finally becoming confident
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Speaker 1: and they call you arrogant. One isolated comment may mean nothing.
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Speaker 1: Everybody has difficult days, but repeated behavior tells a different story.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes people will disguise resentment as advice. They will tell
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Speaker 1: you they are only trying to protect you. They will
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Speaker 1: tell you they are being realistic. They will tell you
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Speaker 1: that you have changed. Yet when you look closely, their
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Speaker 1: concern appears only when you are moving forward. They were
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Speaker 1: not concerned when you were settling. They were not concerned
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Speaker 1: when you were exhausted. They were not concerned when you
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Speaker 1: were being mistreated. But now that you have started standing
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Speaker 1: up for yourself, suddenly everybody has an opinion. You must
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Speaker 1: learn how to receive criticism without allowing criticism to become
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Speaker 1: your identity. Ask yourself whether the person is helping you
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Speaker 1: become wiser or simply trying to make you doubt yourself.
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Speaker 1: Genuine correction may challenge you, but it will also respect
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Speaker 1: your dignity. Hidden hostility often leaves you feeling ashamed of
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Speaker 1: becoming stronger. That is why discernment matters. You do not
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Speaker 1: have to prove your growth to anybody. Keep building, keep learning,
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Speaker 1: keep praying, keep working, keep becoming. Let your life speak
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Speaker 1: without forcing people to understand you. The person who genuinely
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Speaker 1: loves you will eventually recognize that your growth is not
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Speaker 1: an attack against them. They will celebrate the fact that
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Speaker 1: you are becoming healthier, stronger, wiser, and more purposeful. And
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Speaker 1: if somebody cannot celebrate your progress, you do not have
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Speaker 1: to become bitter toward them. Their reaction belongs to them.
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Speaker 1: Your responsibility is to remain faithful to the work happening
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Speaker 1: inside you. Do not shrink your light because somebody else
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Speaker 1: is uncomfortable with brightness. Do not abandon your calling because
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Speaker 1: somebody else preferred your insecurity. Do not return to the
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Speaker 1: old version of yourself simply because the old version made
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Speaker 1: other people feel comfortable. There are moments when the greatest
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Speaker 1: evidence that you are growing is not that everybody applauds you,
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Speaker 1: but that you finally stop needing everybody to applaud you.
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Speaker 1: There are moments when you have to understand that not
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Speaker 1: everybody who walks beside you is walking toward the same destination.
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Speaker 1: Some people can smile with you while secretly comparing themselves
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Speaker 1: to you. They can compliment your appearance, your work, your opportunities,
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Speaker 1: your relationships, or your accomplishments. But underneath those words, there
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Speaker 1: may be a quiet competition that you never agreed to
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Speaker 1: participate in. You are simply trying to become who you
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Speaker 1: were created to become while someone else is measuring their
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Speaker 1: worth against your progress. That is why you must learn
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Speaker 1: to recognize the difference between healthy inspiration and unhealthy competition.
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Speaker 1: Healthy people can see your success without feeling threatened by it.
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Speaker 1: They can watch you receive an opportunity and celebrate. They
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Speaker 1: can see you develop a gift and encourage you. They
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Speaker 1: can hear your testimony and be grateful for what is
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Speaker 1: happening in your life. But someone who is secretly competing
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Speaker 1: with you may struggle to celebrate anything that makes you shine.
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Speaker 1: They may immediately compare themselves to you. If you accomplish something,
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Speaker 1: they have to tell you what they accomplished. If you
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Speaker 1: buy something, they explain why they have something better. If
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Speaker 1: you receive recognition, they remind you about another person who
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Speaker 1: received more. If you share an achievement, they somehow find
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Speaker 1: a way to make the moment about themselves. You have
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Speaker 1: to be careful because competition can hide behind friendship. It
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Speaker 1: does not always announce itself. Sometimes it comes through subtle comments.
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Speaker 1: You got lucky. Anybody could have done that. It's not
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Speaker 1: really that difficult. I know somebody doing something much bigger.
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Speaker 1: Those statements may seem harmless individually, but when they become
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Speaker 1: a pattern, they can reveal an inability to appreciate your
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Speaker 1: journey without comparing it to someone else's. And the danger
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Speaker 1: is that if you spend enough time around this kind
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Speaker 1: of energy, you may begin competing too. You may start
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Speaker 1: checking who is ahead. You may begin comparing your possessions,
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Speaker 1: your accomplishments, your relationships, your appearance, your career, your finances,
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Speaker 1: or your progress. Suddenly, you are no longer living your life.
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Speaker 1: You are responding to somebody else's scoreboard, but you were
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Speaker 1: never called to run somebody else's race. Your assignment is
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Speaker 1: not determined by another person's timeline. Your worth does not
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Speaker 1: increase because you are ahead of someone, and it does
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Speaker 1: not decrease because someone appears ahead of you. Some people
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Speaker 1: become uncomfortable when they see you discovering gifts they once overlooked.
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Speaker 1: Maybe you were quiet for years. Maybe you doubted yourself.
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Speaker 1: Maybe you allowed other people to speak louder than you.
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Speaker 1: But then something changed. You began developing your abilities. You
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Speaker 1: began studying. You began working on yourself. You began taking
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Speaker 1: your purpose seriously. And suddenly... The person who was comfortable
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Speaker 1: with your insecurity is uncomfortable with your confidence. Do not
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Speaker 1: allow their discomfort to make you question what you have
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Speaker 1: been building. Sometimes the greatest mistake you can make is
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Speaker 1: asking a threatened person to validate your growth. They may
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Speaker 1: never give you the approval you are seeking because your
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Speaker 1: growth challenges the picture they had of you. They became
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Speaker 1: accustomed to seeing you one way, and now they do
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Speaker 1: not know how to respond to the person you are becoming.
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Speaker 1: You also have to understand that imitation can sometimes become
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Speaker 1: part of unhealthy competition. Someone may repeatedly copy your ideas,
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Speaker 1: your language, your style, your habits, or even your goals.
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Speaker 1: Not every form of imitation is malicious. People naturally learn
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Speaker 1: from people they admire. But when imitation is accompanied by
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Speaker 1: constant comparison, one-upmanship, or attempts to undermine you, the dynamic
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Speaker 1: becomes different. The issue is not that somebody was inspired
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Speaker 1: by you. The issue is whether they are trying to
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Speaker 1: become themselves or trying to prove that they can become
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Speaker 1: a better version of you. Never lose yourself trying to
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Speaker 1: stay ahead of somebody else. There is no peace in
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Speaker 1: constantly looking sideways. You will miss your own blessing because
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Speaker 1: you are watching somebody else's life. You will overlook your
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Speaker 1: own progress because you are measuring yourself against another person's
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Speaker 1: highlight reel. You will become frustrated because you are comparing
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Speaker 1: your chapter 5 to somebody else's chapter 20. You need
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Speaker 1: to learn how to celebrate people without abandoning yourself. You
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Speaker 1: can admire somebody's success and still remain grateful for your
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Speaker 1: own journey. You can recognize another person's talent without believing
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Speaker 1: that their talent cancels yours. You can applaud somebody else's
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Speaker 1: breakthrough without questioning when your breakthrough will come. There is
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Speaker 1: enough room in the world for people to grow differently.
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Speaker 1: Your journey does not have to look like theirs. When
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Speaker 1: somebody tries to turn your relationship into a competition, refuse
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Speaker 1: to participate. You do not have to respond to every comparison.
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Speaker 1: You do not have to prove that you are smarter, stronger, richer,
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Speaker 1: more successful, or more important. Sometimes the strongest response is
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Speaker 1: simply to remain focused. Let them run their race. You
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Speaker 1: run yours. Let them talk. You keep building. Let them compare.
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Speaker 1: You keep growing. Let them measure themselves against you while
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Speaker 1: you measure yourself against the person you were yesterday. And
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Speaker 1: be careful not to let hidden competition change your heart.
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Speaker 1: If someone secretly envies your progress, you do not have
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Speaker 1: to become arrogant. if someone copies you you do not
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Speaker 1: have to become obsessed with exposing them if someone minimizes
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Speaker 1: your accomplishments you do not have to spend your life
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Speaker 1: convincing them that you matter your value does not depend
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Speaker 1: on their recognition You can remain humble while becoming powerful.
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Speaker 1: You can remain kind while becoming discerning. You can remain
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Speaker 1: generous while protecting what God has entrusted to you. There
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Speaker 1: will be seasons when the people around you reveal whether
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Speaker 1: they genuinely want to see you flourish. Pay attention to
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Speaker 1: who celebrates your victories when there is nothing in it
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Speaker 1: for them. Pay attention to who encourages you when they
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Speaker 1: cannot benefit from your success. Pay attention to who can
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Speaker 1: congratulate you without immediately turning the conversation toward themselves. Those
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Speaker 1: moments reveal something important about the health of a relationship
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Speaker 1: because genuine love does not require your failure in order
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Speaker 1: to feel successful and genuine friendship does not need you
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Speaker 1: to remain small in order to feel secure. You have
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Speaker 1: to become careful about the difference between correction that builds
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Speaker 1: you and criticism that breaks you. Not every person who
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Speaker 1: disagrees with you is against you and not every difficult
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Speaker 1: word is evidence of hidden hatred. Sometimes the people who
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Speaker 1: genuinely love you will tell you the truth when the
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Speaker 1: truth is uncomfortable. They will point out what you cannot see.
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Speaker 1: They will challenge your decisions. They will tell you when
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Speaker 1: you are making a mistake. But there is a difference
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Speaker 1: between someone correcting you because they care about your growth
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Speaker 1: and someone repeatedly criticizing you because they want you to
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Speaker 1: doubt yourself. Pay attention to the pattern behind the words.
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Speaker 1: A healthy person can disagree with you without destroying your dignity.
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Speaker 1: They can say, I think you should reconsider this without
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Speaker 1: making you feel worthless. They can identify a mistake without
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Speaker 1: turning the mistake into your identity. They can challenge your
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Speaker 1: behavior without attacking your character. But hidden hostility often does
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Speaker 1: the opposite. It takes one mistake and turns it into
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Speaker 1: a definition of who you are. It takes one failure
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Speaker 1: and uses it as evidence that you will always fail.
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Speaker 1: It takes one weakness and repeatedly places it in front
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Speaker 1: of you until you begin seeing yourself through the eyes
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Speaker 1: of your critic. Some people disguise discouragement as realism. They
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Speaker 1: will tell you they are simply being honest. They will
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Speaker 1: say they are trying to protect you from disappointment. They
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Speaker 1: will tell you that your dream is unrealistic, your goals
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Speaker 1: are too ambitious, your expectations are too high, or your
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Speaker 1: vision will never work. Again, one piece of honest advice
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Speaker 1: does not automatically mean someone dislikes you. But if a
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Speaker 1: person consistently speaks against your growth while rarely acknowledging your strengths,
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Speaker 1: you need discernment. Ask yourself what happens after they speak
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Speaker 1: to you. Do you feel challenged to improve, or do
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Speaker 1: you feel ashamed for trying? Do you feel motivated to
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Speaker 1: correct your mistakes, or do you feel like giving up entirely?
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Speaker 1: Do their words help you become wiser, or do they
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Speaker 1: leave you questioning your worth? The difference matters. Correction should
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Speaker 1: illuminate an area that needs work. Destructive criticism makes you
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Speaker 1: believe that you are the problem. You must stop allowing
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Speaker 1: every opinion to become a verdict over your life. Everybody
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Speaker 1: has an opinion, but everybody does not have wisdom. Everybody
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Speaker 1: has something to say, but everybody has not earned the
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Speaker 1: right to shape your identity. People can misunderstand you. People
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Speaker 1: can project their fears onto you. People can judge your
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Speaker 1: journey without knowing the battles you had to overcome. If
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Speaker 1: you listen to every voice, you will eventually become confused
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Speaker 1: about who you are. There are people who will criticize
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Speaker 1: the very qualities that helped you survive. They may call
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Speaker 1: your boundaries selfish because they benefited from your availability. They
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Speaker 1: may call your confidence arrogance because they were comfortable with
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Speaker 1: your insecurity. They may call your silence weakness because they
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Speaker 1: were accustomed to getting reactions from you. They may call
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Speaker 1: your independence pride because they preferred when you needed their approval.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes the criticism is not really about what you are doing.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes it is about how your growth changes the relationship.
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Speaker 1: That is why you need to know who you are
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Speaker 1: before you listen to what people say about you. If
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Speaker 1: you do not understand your values, every opinion can shake you.
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Speaker 1: If you do not understand your purpose, every rejection can
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Speaker 1: make you question your direction. If you do not know
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Speaker 1: what God placed inside you, you may spend your entire
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Speaker 1: life asking people who do not understand your assignment for
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Speaker 1: permission to pursue it. But do not use this as
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Speaker 1: an excuse to reject all accountability. There is a dangerous
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Speaker 1: form of pride that refuses correction. You need people who
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Speaker 1: can tell you the truth. You need wise voices around you.
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Speaker 1: You need people who love you enough to challenge you
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Speaker 1: when you are wrong. The goal is not to become
26:29
Speaker 1: so defensive that nobody can speak into your life. The
26:33
Speaker 1: goal is to become discerning enough to know the difference
26:37
Speaker 1: between wisdom and manipulation. When genuine correction comes, receive it
26:42
Speaker 1: with humility. Examine it. Pray about it. Think about it.
26:47
Speaker 1: If there is truth in it, grow from it. You
26:50
Speaker 1: do not lose your dignity by admitting that you were wrong.
26:53
Speaker 1: In fact, maturity means being strong enough to correct yourself.
26:58
Speaker 1: But when criticism is designed only to humiliate you, do
27:02
Speaker 1: not carry it as though it came from heaven. You
27:06
Speaker 1: also need to stop explaining yourself to people who are
27:09
Speaker 1: committed to misunderstanding you. Some people are not looking for clarity.
27:15
Speaker 1: They are looking for ammunition. The more you explain, the
27:19
Speaker 1: more material they collect. The more you defend yourself, the
27:23
Speaker 1: more they twist your words. Sometimes silence is not weakness.
27:28
Speaker 1: Sometimes silence is wisdom. You do not have to attend
27:31
Speaker 1: every argument you are invited to. There will be moments
27:35
Speaker 1: when the best thing you can do is continue walking.
27:40
Speaker 1: Let your consistency answer what arguments cannot. Let your character
27:44
Speaker 1: speak where accusations are loud. Let your results speak where
27:49
Speaker 1: explanations have become exhausting. You cannot control what somebody chooses
27:54
Speaker 1: to believe about you. but you can control whether you
27:58
Speaker 1: allow their opinion to become the foundation of your self-image.
28:03
Speaker 1: Remember that your worth does not rise and fall according
28:07
Speaker 1: to somebody else's approval. If they praise you today and
28:11
Speaker 1: criticize you tomorrow, you are still the same person. If
28:16
Speaker 1: they misunderstand your intentions, your purpose has not disappeared. If
28:21
Speaker 1: they refuse to acknowledge your growth, your growth is still real.
28:26
Speaker 1: If they call your boundaries selfish, you can still maintain
28:30
Speaker 1: them with wisdom and compassion. Protect your mind from voices
28:34
Speaker 1: that constantly make you question whether you are worthy of
28:38
Speaker 1: becoming who you were created to be. Stay humble enough
28:42
Speaker 1: to receive truth, but strong enough to reject words that
28:46
Speaker 1: are meant only to diminish you. Learn from correction without
28:51
Speaker 1: becoming addicted to approval. Listen to wisdom without surrendering your identity.
28:57
Speaker 1: Keep your heart open, but keep your discernment awake because
29:01
Speaker 1: not every voice speaking into your life is trying to
29:05
Speaker 1: help you become stronger, wiser, healthier, and more aligned with
29:10
Speaker 1: the purpose that has been placed inside you. Sometimes you
29:14
Speaker 1: discover who truly values you When you stop doing everything
29:18
Speaker 1: for them, as long as you are available, giving, helping,
29:22
Speaker 1: solving problems, answering every call, carrying every burden, and making
29:27
Speaker 1: life easier for everyone around you, certain people will treat
29:31
Speaker 1: you like you are indispensable. But the moment you establish
29:36
Speaker 1: a boundary, say no, protect your time, or stop. rescuing
29:40
Speaker 1: them from every consequence their attitude can change Suddenly, the
29:46
Speaker 1: person who always called you wonderful may call you selfish.
29:50
Speaker 1: The person who praised your kindness may accuse you of changing.
29:54
Speaker 1: The person who always said they appreciated you may become
29:59
Speaker 1: distant simply because you stopped giving them unlimited access to
30:03
Speaker 1: your energy. That moment can be painful, but it can
30:07
Speaker 1: also be revealing. Sometimes you do not discover the true
30:11
Speaker 1: nature of a relationship while you are giving everything. You
30:15
Speaker 1: discover it when you finally decide that you cannot keep
30:20
Speaker 1: pouring from an empty cup. There are people who love
30:23
Speaker 1: you and there are people who love what you do
30:26
Speaker 1: for them. Those two things may look identical when everything
30:30
Speaker 1: is going their way, but they become very different when
30:34
Speaker 1: you begin setting boundaries. You have to understand that saying
30:38
Speaker 1: no is not an act of hatred. Saying no does
30:42
Speaker 1: not mean you have stopped caring. Saying no means you
30:46
Speaker 1: recognize that your life has limits. You cannot solve everybody's problems.
30:51
Speaker 1: You cannot carry everybody's emotions. You cannot make everybody happy.
30:57
Speaker 1: You cannot constantly sacrifice your peace to protect somebody else's comfort.
31:02
Speaker 1: At some point, you have to ask yourself whether the
31:06
Speaker 1: life you are living is actually sustainable or whether you
31:10
Speaker 1: are exhausting yourself trying to remain useful to people who
31:14
Speaker 1: have become dependent on your inability to say no. Some
31:18
Speaker 1: people will test your boundaries because they benefited from you
31:22
Speaker 1: having none. They may become angry when you stop answering immediately.
31:29
Speaker 1: They may complain when you stop lending money. They may
31:32
Speaker 1: become offended when you decline an invitation. They may accuse
31:37
Speaker 1: you of becoming cold when you simply become selective. They
31:41
Speaker 1: may remind you of everything they have supposedly done for
31:45
Speaker 1: you in order to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself.
31:50
Speaker 1: Do not let guilt manipulate you into returning to patterns
31:54
Speaker 1: that were destroying your peace. There is a difference between
31:58
Speaker 1: being selfish and practicing healthy boundaries. Selfishness says, only my
32:04
Speaker 1: needs matter. Healthy boundaries say, my needs matter too. You
32:09
Speaker 1: can care about somebody without allowing them to consume you.
32:14
Speaker 1: You can help people without becoming responsible for their entire life.
32:18
Speaker 1: You can be generous without allowing generosity to become an obligation.
32:23
Speaker 1: Watch how people respond when you become unavailable. A healthy
32:28
Speaker 1: relationship can survive a boundary. A manipulative relationship often becomes
32:34
Speaker 1: angry because the boundary interrupts access. When someone genuinely cares
32:39
Speaker 1: about you, they may be disappointed when you cannot help,
32:44
Speaker 1: but they will still respect your decision. When someone primarily
32:48
Speaker 1: values you for what you provide, Your boundary can feel
32:52
Speaker 1: like an attack to them. That is why you should
32:55
Speaker 1: not judge relationships only by how people treat you when
32:59
Speaker 1: you are useful. Look at how they treat you when
33:03
Speaker 1: you have nothing to offer. Look at whether they still
33:06
Speaker 1: call when they do not need anything. Look at whether
33:10
Speaker 1: they ask about your life without immediately asking for a favor.
33:15
Speaker 1: Look at whether they respect your exhaustion. Look at whether
33:19
Speaker 1: they can accept your no without punishing you for it.
33:23
Speaker 1: These patterns tell you much more than flattering words ever will.
33:28
Speaker 1: Sometimes people will try to make you feel guilty for
33:31
Speaker 1: changing because your change removes their convenience. They may say,
33:35
Speaker 1: you were not like this before. And perhaps they are right.
33:41
Speaker 1: You were not like this before. You used to say
33:44
Speaker 1: yes when you wanted to say no. You used to
33:46
Speaker 1: ignore disrespect. You used to overextend yourself. You used to
33:51
Speaker 1: answer every message immediately. You used to explain every decision.
33:56
Speaker 1: You used to believe that being needed was the same
33:58
Speaker 1: thing as being loved. But now you are learning. Now
34:02
Speaker 1: you understand that peace has value. Time has value. Energy
34:07
Speaker 1: has value. Your emotional strength has value. You are realizing
34:12
Speaker 1: that you cannot give your best to everybody and still
34:16
Speaker 1: have enough left for your own purpose. There comes a
34:20
Speaker 1: moment when you have to stop being everybody's emergency contact
34:24
Speaker 1: while your own dreams remain neglected. This does not mean
34:28
Speaker 1: you should become hard hearted. Keep helping where you can.
34:33
Speaker 1: Keep serving where you are called to serve. Keep showing kindness,
34:38
Speaker 1: but let your kindness become intentional instead of compulsive. Do
34:42
Speaker 1: not help because you are terrified that people will leave
34:46
Speaker 1: if you stop helping. Do not give because you are
34:49
Speaker 1: afraid that saying no will make you unlovable. Give because
34:54
Speaker 1: you genuinely choose to give, not because somebody has trained
34:59
Speaker 1: you to feel guilty whenever you protect yourself. And when
35:03
Speaker 1: someone walks away simply because you established a reasonable boundary,
35:08
Speaker 1: let the truth be revealed without chasing them. You do
35:12
Speaker 1: not have to beg someone to stay by abandoning yourself.
35:16
Speaker 1: You do not have to convince someone that you are
35:19
Speaker 1: still a good person because you refused a request. You
35:23
Speaker 1: do not have to prove your love by sacrificing every
35:26
Speaker 1: ounce of your peace. There are seasons when losing access
35:30
Speaker 1: to you is the consequence of repeatedly disrespecting you. That
35:35
Speaker 1: is not revenge. That is a boundary. You are not
35:39
Speaker 1: punishing someone by stepping back. You are deciding what you
35:44
Speaker 1: will and will not participate in. You are choosing to
35:47
Speaker 1: stop feeding patterns that keep you exhausted. You are choosing
35:51
Speaker 1: to stop confusing availability with obligation. The people who truly
35:57
Speaker 1: value you will eventually learn how to meet the healthier
36:00
Speaker 1: version of you. They may need time to adjust, but
36:04
Speaker 1: they will respect your boundaries because they value the relationship
36:09
Speaker 1: more than the benefits they receive from you. They will
36:13
Speaker 1: understand that you are still caring even when you cannot help.
36:18
Speaker 1: They will understand that your no is not hatred. They
36:22
Speaker 1: will understand that your silence is not rejection. They will
36:26
Speaker 1: understand that your limits do not erase your love. So
36:30
Speaker 1: do not be afraid when people reveal themselves after you
36:34
Speaker 1: stop being endlessly available. Let them reveal what they came for.
36:39
Speaker 1: Let them reveal whether they wanted your presence or merely
36:43
Speaker 1: your usefulness. Let them reveal whether they valued your heart
36:47
Speaker 1: or only your hands. And as you learn this, do
36:50
Speaker 1: not become bitter toward everyone. Become wiser about where you
36:54
Speaker 1: invest your time. your energy, your trust, your generosity, and
37:00
Speaker 1: your heart. Because sometimes the boundary that disappoints the wrong
37:04
Speaker 1: person becomes the boundary that finally gives you room to breathe, heal, grow,
37:10
Speaker 1: and become everything you were never able to become while
37:14
Speaker 1: carrying everyone else's expectations. There comes a time when you
37:19
Speaker 1: have to realize that not every battle deserves your response.
37:24
Speaker 1: Some people will provoke you because they want access to
37:28
Speaker 1: your emotions. They know what to say to make you angry.
37:32
Speaker 1: They know which subject will frustrate you. They know which
37:36
Speaker 1: insecurity to touch. They know how to bring up the past,
37:40
Speaker 1: question your decisions, or make subtle comments designed to disturb
37:44
Speaker 1: your peace. And if you react every time, they learn
37:49
Speaker 1: that they can control your emotional environment simply by pressing
37:53
Speaker 1: the right button. But when you become disciplined enough to
37:57
Speaker 1: stop reacting, something changes. They can no longer move you
38:02
Speaker 1: as easily as they once did. Some people may not
38:05
Speaker 1: be able to control your decisions, so they try to
38:08
Speaker 1: control your emotions. When they cannot tell you what to do,
38:13
Speaker 1: they may attempt to make you feel guilty. When you
38:16
Speaker 1: refuse to follow their expectations, they may become angry. When
38:22
Speaker 1: you stop seeking their approval, they may question your character.
38:26
Speaker 1: When you become comfortable with your own choices, they may
38:30
Speaker 1: create unnecessary conflict just to pull you back into an
38:34
Speaker 1: emotional cycle. You have to recognize that peace is not
38:38
Speaker 1: something you find only when everyone around you behaves correctly.
38:43
Speaker 1: Peace is something you learn to protect even when other
38:47
Speaker 1: people choose chaos. That does not mean you ignore every problem.
38:52
Speaker 1: It does not mean you become passive. It does not
38:55
Speaker 1: mean you allow people to disrespect you without boundaries. It
39:00
Speaker 1: means you stop giving every person the power to determine
39:03
Speaker 1: your emotional state. There is a difference between responding and reacting.
39:09
Speaker 1: A reaction happens quickly, often from anger, fear, or hurt.
39:14
Speaker 1: A response comes from thoughtfulness. A reaction says whatever comes
39:18
Speaker 1: to mind. A response considers what will happen after the
39:22
Speaker 1: words are spoken. A reaction wants to win the moment.
39:26
Speaker 1: A response protects the bigger picture. You need to become
39:30
Speaker 1: comfortable with silence when silence is wiser than argument. You
39:35
Speaker 1: do not have to answer every accusation. You do not
39:39
Speaker 1: have to defend yourself against every rumor. You do not
39:43
Speaker 1: have to explain your intentions to people committed to misunderstanding them.
39:49
Speaker 1: You do not have to prove that you are a
39:51
Speaker 1: good person to somebody who has already decided to judge you.
39:55
Speaker 1: Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is refuse
39:59
Speaker 1: to participate in the cycle. When someone tries to provoke you,
40:04
Speaker 1: ask yourself what they gain if you lose your composure.
40:08
Speaker 1: If your anger gives them satisfaction, do not hand it
40:12
Speaker 1: to them. If your reaction becomes their evidence against you,
40:16
Speaker 1: do not give them the evidence. If your emotional response
40:20
Speaker 1: allows them to paint you as the problem, step back
40:24
Speaker 1: and choose wisdom. This is not about pretending that you
40:27
Speaker 1: are not hurt. It is about refusing to let your
40:31
Speaker 1: hurt make decisions for you. There will be moments when
40:35
Speaker 1: you are tempted to expose somebody, confront somebody, or tell
40:39
Speaker 1: everybody what really happened. But before you speak, ask whether
40:44
Speaker 1: speaking will bring healing or simply create another battlefield. Sometimes
40:50
Speaker 1: truth needs to be spoken. Sometimes boundaries need to be communicated.
40:55
Speaker 1: But sometimes you already have enough information to make a
40:58
Speaker 1: decision without making an announcement. You can quietly step away.
41:03
Speaker 1: You can reduce access. You can stop explaining. You can
41:07
Speaker 1: stop participating. You can let time reveal what arguments never could.
41:13
Speaker 1: Do not mistake restraint for weakness. It takes strength to
41:17
Speaker 1: remain calm when someone is trying to pull you into chaos.
41:21
Speaker 1: It takes strength to walk away when you know you
41:24
Speaker 1: could destroy someone with your words. It takes strength to
41:28
Speaker 1: refuse revenge when you have every reason to be angry.
41:33
Speaker 1: It takes strength to pray for your own peace instead
41:36
Speaker 1: of spending all your energy trying to punish somebody who
41:40
Speaker 1: hurt you. Your peace is valuable because your purpose requires clarity.
41:46
Speaker 1: When your mind is constantly occupied by what somebody said
41:50
Speaker 1: about you, what somebody did to you, or what somebody
41:53
Speaker 1: might do next, you have less attention available for what
41:58
Speaker 1: you are supposed to build. Some people can become distractions
42:02
Speaker 1: without ever realizing it. They occupy your thoughts long after
42:06
Speaker 1: the conversation ends. They make you replay situations. They make
42:12
Speaker 1: you rehearse arguments you never had. They keep you emotionally
42:16
Speaker 1: connected to something you should have already released. You cannot
42:20
Speaker 1: control how another person behaves, but you can control how
42:25
Speaker 1: much access their behavior has to your inner world. You
42:30
Speaker 1: can decide that gossip will not become your identity. You
42:34
Speaker 1: can decide that somebody else's jealousy will not make you insecure.
42:39
Speaker 1: You can decide that somebody else's rejection will not determine
42:43
Speaker 1: your value. You can decide that somebody else's anger will
42:47
Speaker 1: not become your anger. You can decide that somebody else's
42:51
Speaker 1: confusion will not become your confusion. Sometimes people expect you
42:56
Speaker 1: to fight because they have become accustomed to seeing you
43:00
Speaker 1: defend yourself. But you do not have to attend every
43:04
Speaker 1: fight simply because someone calls your name. There are battles
43:09
Speaker 1: that are beneath your assignment. There are arguments that will
43:13
Speaker 1: only drain you. There are conversations that produce no understanding
43:18
Speaker 1: because the other person is not interested in understanding. Wisdom
43:23
Speaker 1: knows when to speak and when to walk away. And
43:27
Speaker 1: when you walk away, do not spend the next year
43:30
Speaker 1: explaining why you walked away. Let your distance communicate what
43:35
Speaker 1: your words could not.