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Babysitters, Nuns, & Teachers · The Pork Roll, Egg, And Cheese Podcast

• Shamus: Hello, everybody, and welcome to the pork roll, and cheese podcast. My name is Seamus. Herbie: I'm Jeff. That's like, I'm Herbie. Shamus: How was your week bud? Herbie: Sucked. Next question. Shamus: Really? It couldn't have been worse than my week. Herbie: ⁓ yeah, actually yeah, we want to let the listeners know about that one, man. Shamus: I never post anything on Facebook when I'm met, but man, this week, Monday, I went to the range shot. Like I always do pretty good. ⁓ Tuesday went to my brother's house to start a vinyl fence project, dropped off all the stuff, realized I forgot something. So I dropped the trailer with all the vinyl fence posts and paneling we need and drove up the lows and maple shade. If I came back out after loading up the truck, it wouldn't start. to find out that the starter died. And if anybody knows anything about the 2004 to 2010 Ford F-150 4.6 liter model year, they know how much fun it is to drop a starter in that. And not only that, but like the, guess we smoked the starter and smoked the battery wiring harness. So I had to order all that. So it needs to say that was a tow. So once I got back to my house, I got in the Subaru, went over there. We did most of the fence. Drove home Wednesday, walked out in the driveway. The Subaru had a flat and I didn't I couldn't find the tire key for it, like the locking lug nut key. So I was like, hey, I'll just take the Jeep. So I took the Jeep over there. And then when I got over there, I was like, shit, I got to go to Lowe's and get something. And as I was driving Lowe's, I blew the passenger front tire and I was like. No worries. I've got the spare. All Jeeps come with that spare on the back. You know, the Wranglers have them. And when I went to check that that tire was flat and I was like, well, I'll get the air compressor and I'll just well, I didn't have my usual. Everybody's like the Jeepers have that kit. Yeah. And I totally didn't have the kit with me. So I called the tow truck guy again. ⁓ He actually agreed to be on. So we're going to have him on this summer. So we think it's not out of it. He towed the Jeep back. And then I was standing there with three cars that were totally incapable of moving because the Ford wouldn't start. I was too tired, short of a Jeep and the Subaru had a flat. So I had to jack up the Subaru, get up under it, plug the tire. Thank God it wasn't that bad. Plug that tire. ⁓ Went back to my brother's trying to knock out as much as I can. But then my brother's like, look, it's just not your week, dude. Just go home. We'll finish the because like the majority of fences up. We just have to do some stores. But long story short, I did finally get the starter. in the F-150, but I snapped off the grounding studs. I'm waiting for that to come in the mail. We'll get that up front. The Jeep, did go get two new tires for her. So and the Subaru is up. So everything's good. But man, it cost me so much. But this spring break and not to mention that the weather started like every morning, it was like 30 degree like this wasn't spring like this spring break. This absolutely sucked. And I'm glad it's over. End of rant. Herbie: ⁓ my god, no, when I saw your ⁓ post on Facebook, texted you, was like, dude, are you alright? Do need anything? Shamus: Now it was just a matter of I'm that guy that just I'd never get angry. Like I just look at something I'm like, okay, how do I fix this? And then when it's over, I'm like, okay, what can be done to be prevented? But like as, it usually takes me a couple hours, but like as I was focusing on something else, like something else happened. And as I was finishing up the first problem, like the third thing, like it just started piling up and I was just moaning. And then of course you always get. And my neighbor walking by having some car problems. Oh, no. Just figured I'd pay $250 to have this fucking F-150 dropped in my driveway because I didn't feel like fucking driving today. And then the next day, the day, jeeps dropped. He walked by. I was like, fucking. Herbie: I wish you would say it man. Do you what basically need you need like a big bundle of sage and stuff like that just burn it around the house and like get rid of whatever juju or bad or it was Shamus: Well, somebody said it happens in three, so I'm way better. It should be good for at least three years. Herbie: Yeah, you mean Would you do it all flat tires I was like did you run over like a road full of nails or something like Shamus: No, think, well, the Subaru was, it was a screw and I don't think it had anything to do with deciding being put on the back of my house. But I, it was just one of those things, man. It was just like a random, you just pick up something. It just happened to be at the wrong time. The Jeep, I think, I baby that thing a little bit too much and a lot of guys who own Jeeps get really pissed off. I've had it, it's a 2015, I've had it since 2017 and the thing's only got 40,000 miles on it. ⁓ And I bought it with 32 so in almost 10 years. I've only put like 8,000 miles on it So it doesn't get a lot of run. So like the tires probably dry-rided on it and just You know, that's what killed Paul Walker from the Fast and Furious movies He got in a Ferrari that hadn't been driven before it was in somebody's collection Yeah, and they were going so fast the tire sat for so long They were dry right and what and the tires blew out and he had to that bone ⁓ So if you have a car sitting for a while and I'm not just saying for like a couple months like mine sits for like maybe eight months and then I'll drive it for like 100 200 miles and then it'll sit like I only drive it in the summertime Yeah So if you have tires make sure you're constantly checking on those because that's what happened that tire was dry rod it and then the one on the back I I couldn't even tell you I was just so frustrated. I was like, I'm gonna give a fuck why Herbie: Sit there. Shamus: So, and the starter in the Ford had, it's got 174,000 miles on it. So, and it was the original starter. And that's unheard of. And that truck has done a lot for me. So I really can't, but it was just, everything happened at the exact same time. And I was just like. Herbie: I think I feel like 50 freaking cars, man. Shamus: I going say, I looked at a lot of listeners probably know this. And if you don't, my cat accidentally bit on a car when I walked away from my computer back in October and I had to drive to Newark to pick this thing up. But it was only 400 bucks. And like, so I. And if any law enforcement's listening, I'm sorry, but it wasn't registered at no enjoy edit. But I was just like, I got to take the cat's car, man. So thank God Riggs bought that car because we were I there was no way I could get the entire. I couldn't Uber with two, two 32 inch Jeep tires talking about a man. Can you take me to fucking Monroe tire? Herbie: can't believe this, but my cat ordered a freaking Jeep. Shamus: But after Friday, the mojo seemed to lift a little bit. ⁓ On Saturday, I went and me and my lady friend, took our annual meetup at Memorial Park in Medford and we walked to Harvest Coffee. We were walking through the parking lot and one of her friends she hadn't seen in a while. She was just like, hey, can you guys help us out? We're doing a ribbon cutting here for this restaurant we're opening. And I forget the name of the wherever Harvest Calvary is and Whole Hog there's King's Brewery, there's Pee Wees Ice Cream. There's a building in the front. It's like the Harvest Mill Center in Medford right on Main Street. It's directly in front of Pee Wees Ice Cream. They were doing a ribbon cutting. And I was like, what is going on? And they're like, hey, we're just opening up. It's a restaurant called Crumb. They were doing their grand opening. So if you see any of the pictures on Facebook or social media or stuff like that, I took the picture and my friend Jen actually did a video. So we were there when they opened, like they cut the ribbon and all that stuff like that. And so that was pretty cool. And big shout out to Crumb on Medford. Give it if you're listening, give them a shout. Take a look. Stop by and check it out. They seem like really nice people and we wish them all the best of luck in their business and hope they thrive. So that was pretty cool. And then on the way back, the canoe thing I was telling you about, we were walking up that road and she was like, ⁓ is that what you're talking about? And there was a sign that said, canoe launch. And I looked over and the street sign said, Road or Gil Street. And I was like, ⁓ my God, that's where it's at. It's literally right around the corner here. ⁓ So we're definitely checking that out. Herbie: Yeah, we gotta do some ⁓ canoeing and stuff. was just, you know, I wasn't feeling well. I was at work. It was uneventful. I pretty much just sat there and, you know, my time off that I had, I didn't really get a chance to maximize the weather. You know, just laying in bed, watching YouTube videos and playing phone games and resting and just like recovering. That's it. was nothing. Shamus: So what was so bad about your week? Well, it's supposed to be super nice this week. Obviously, we're going back to school. So if we can get out and enjoy some of that. Herbie: off to his like I'm every other weekend so I don't play I don't get a chance to really maximize you know this one I'm off I didn't get a chance to enjoy the weather whatsoever and there's times that I I am working and I look out the window and I just see like the birds chirping and everything else going on and it's like Shamus: Well hang in there. Well another thing we need to start doing is a plan ahead and that way we can take a weekend off from this too. And like me and you can just go to a bar or sit outside and use that canoe thing. I noticed lately like a lot of my time I'm like man I gotta, you know, next weekend I gotta go back and finish my brother's event. But like at night I'll be here, ⁓ we got couple guests coming in. But I the weekend after that, I need to like kind of, maybe we'll do something during the week. Herbie: Get out. Shamus: But that next Saturday and Sunday after next Saturday is mine. ⁓ Nobody will take it for. So, well, you need to do it too. So maybe we'll go out and do something. Herbie: I don't blame you, Instead of just having like, you know, the herby in pajamas weekend Normally I have like herby adventures to discuss about and you know Bring the stories because everyone you know, everyone's always like herby. You always got stuff to do. You're always doing stuff You're always going somewhere. I'm sorry. I'm being boring right now, man It's just going through like a boring rut and that's why like whenever the questions answers is like work That's about it Shamus: Speaking of adventures, I watched Adventures in Babysitting the other night. God, I wish I had a babysitter like that, man. Have ever had a hot babysitter? Herbie: Elizabeth Chu. Yes, I did. a matter of fact, when I was a kid, uh, in Hamilton, there was the neighborhood girl that used to watch. My name was Dana and I loved her. She was like a few years older than me and I was around the time my mom was going to nursing school. So it was just like, for like a few hours a day after, after, after school to do my homework. And then she'd be done. My mom would be done school and she'd come and pick me up. And it was literally just like five houses down. But one of the funny things is ⁓ her brother, John, I love him dearly. And he was like so flamboyant. He reminds me of like, whenever he walked, he didn't walk, he just danced everywhere. He he just fluttered in doing the pirouettes, just to grab a goddamn granola bar out of a closet was just like, I felt like I was watching the West Side story and they're like, when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way. That was great. Shamus: usually really good people though. ⁓ he is. Anybody's always got a song in their mind and like dance and art you know what mean like One of the biggest compliments I've ever gotten was a buddy of mine when he saw Guardians of the Galaxy for the first time. There's that opening scene where Star Lord is like listening to that song. Yeah, that red bone song. And he's like, dance around shooting all them little creatures. He's like, dude, that was you. He's like, anything we were doing in the military, you were always like he's like, we could be like out in the the deserts of the Middle East or whatever. He's kind of like, hey, this is great. I like listen. We are having. He was just like, so anybody was like, and those are usually like the kindest people on the planet. So. Herbie: John, like I haven't seen them in like years and years and years. Shamus: Do you still keep in like our Facebook contact with them or anything? Herbie: was thinking about that because I want to look Dana up. Her and her family were just always so nice to me. It was just like the first little boy crush, my first hot babysitter ever. And John, just him dancing in Pirouette. was like Swan Lake, man. was just beautiful. was just doing the spins and jumps. It was a whole production just to get a goddamn granola bar out of a closet. It was great. Shamus: I never I never had the luxury of having like an Elizabeth shoe or Christine Applegate from Don't Tell Mom the babysitter's dead. My brother was a couple of years older, so he was always tasked with that. And I mean, if you see me, they said we look alike. So mean, that's an ugly dude. Oh, yeah. I never had the hot babysitter thing. That's one thing I was jipped out of my childhood. I've never really had another thing we talked about with this episode was when it came to teachers. ⁓ I never, you know, be in a Catholic school. I always had those nuns. ⁓ And then when I got to high school, there is. There was a gym teacher, she had really nice legs, she always had that real deep, dark tan, and she was kind of cute. But like, mean, she was cute for a small school because my school was tiny. Our graduating class was only like 86 or 87. Herbie: We both have, we both had. Shamus: ⁓ So I mean like it was kind of robbed of the whole hot t-shirt thing. Herbie: So was I, man. I was right there with you. Shamus: But now working in schools, I was just like, man. Herbie: 25 25 year old college girls like white girl wasted hotties like sweet Jesus Shamus: Yep. I'm just kind of like, ⁓ these guys don't like that. Like the middle school kids, like as they get ready to hit their freshman year, you can kind of see them looking, but they just don't realize. Yeah. But like it's usually like the pre-k to kindergarten, first, second and third grade. Like when I walk through certain schools, I'm like, wow. Yeah. Hey now. But the thing I always tell myself is, dude, that First of all, you have to respect them because they are women. I always respect women. That's somebody's daughter. You know that kind of deal. But I always tell myself that could be your niece. Like you're old enough to be her dad. Yeah. So when I do talk to them, it's always like miss or hey kid, how you don't like I always say kid to give them that impression that I look at them not as a kid, but like I know I register that you're twenty five years younger than me. Yeah. And don't get me wrong. I've had my share of, you know, younger girls like, now, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, because I would never do that. Like I said, that's somebody's daughter. So like I always give them that impression. Like I'm always professional. Like I do kind of fuck with the one because she's fun to mess with a little bit. Here's a prime example. She came out to me for student drop off one day. Like we're unloading buses and I like I said, I'm the cool uncle. I'm messing with all these kids. I'm like, ⁓ my God. It's a good thing it's not picture day today. What's with that hair? And the kids like, shut up, Mr. Security guard. So she comes up to me and she was just like, hey, I'm parked illegally. I'm like, what are you telling me for? And she was just like, no, no, I just want to let you know, like after the buses move, I'm going to come out. I mean, she can't be any older than 25. She's always bubbly and giggled. She's like the teacher that just started and 10 years from now, she's going to look haggard and be like, fuck these kids. Herbie: So. Shamus: But right now, she's like, Hey, everybody, I like the kids. So she was like, I'll come back out and move it. Don't worry about it. And I was like, look, you're with me. We're cool. I got you. So she goes into school. Well, we were getting ready to do a lockdown drill ⁓ when we were kids. had fire drills. But now they also have shelter in place and lockdown drills because, you know, the school shooting stuff like that. So they do like these preemptive drills to make sure everybody's final protocol and the kids are taken care of. my state police liaison and her partner showed up and we're just bullshit near the front door talking shop da da da and she came out to move her car and I was like, ⁓ that's the one I was telling you about and They know me well enough now to know. Okay, he's transitioning to a joke and we're go along with it because the old ⁓ Big headed security guard guy is pretty funny So they're like that's her and I'm like, yeah and the one guy did her this guy I know I don't want to say his name. I call him the stash because he's got this shitty. Yeah Everybody saw top gun Maverick. So everybody thinks her rooster So this troopers got like this mustache and I call him the stash ⁓ He turns it looks he goes. What are you guys talking about? I was like remember that girl. I told you who parked that there And I was like, you can't park there. And she was like, I don't give a fuck what you said, Seamus. And you could tell your friends at the state police, I'm not moving that fucking car. And if they want to tell it, I wish they would, because I got something for him. And like, both turned to look at her. She almost like, I thought she was going to start crying. She almost pissed her pants. was like, I thought she was going to pass out to the point where I had to end the joke. And I was like, hey, hold on. Hey, kid, I'm just kidding. She was like, oh my god, I I was going to teach you. was like, holy smokes, man. was like, But I mean, she thought I was like serious and there was she almost and I bad. So now I kind of joke with her all the ⁓ Some ⁓ middle ⁓ age, like not middle age, but. Herbie: You told me who's cool to park- Shamus: mid 20 something dude is gonna be a very lucky man. She's a very cool chick, she's gorgeous and like I said, just way too young but I thought to myself, I think she teaches kindergarten and the lady across the hall from her is ⁓ very, very attractive too and I just thought to myself, man, if I was a younger man, I'd still strike out but. ⁓ Herbie: I 25 again. But at least you had something nice to look at, Matter of fact, because I went to Catholic school too, but it was in the Bronx. And there were just like, know, old, big back, linebacker looking ladies that were not very, you know, they're supposed to be one with the Lord, but they seemed very angry. Shamus: Yeah, they were always so uptight and stressed like I used to get very strict. I call and I'm sure you caught some of this too. Like I caught the tail end of that grab you by the ear or they whack you with the rule. Herbie: were ⁓ Shamus: So like I always said, like one of the things you have to have when like when you go to nun school, they must just like sit you down and not do a lobotomy, but they must just suck the funny and the sense of humor. Yeah, because none of them don't. And I was that dude. Like I was there for a good laugh ⁓ and and nothing to not to hurt anybody or but I would just do something and everybody would just like you. Hand. Come on. That was funny. Your hand. God damn it. Herbie: Yeah, their weapons of choice would be either like a frickin ruler or that really long ruler, the L shaped ruler and also the square. Yeah. And also the the pointer, the chalkboard pointer that was like really long stick with that that rubber and that looked like a end of a broad tip arrow. Yeah. They were like samurai and Jedi trained, man. They were just like excellent with those wielding those weapons. Shamus: And I can never connect with those teachers or like those nuns who were teaching in class because like they just didn't have a sensor like it was just It was Crown Hugs Day. Yeah walk in and they were just like open your books to page 76 This is what we're gonna do today Jill go ahead and start us off and read and now like we would read or like if they were teaching something on the board you were just kind of like You know if they pointed to something I would just like that doesn't and they would just whack like Herbie: No. Shamus: You're going to pay attention. you're just kind of like, I was just going to tell you, I thought that was a one, not a seven, because we're in algebra class. And that's a huge thing. need to know if we're going to do this math problem or whatever. And they were like, talking. All right. ⁓ I absolutely hate it. Catholic school. Yeah. Another thing was I didn't we're not going to talk religion, but I buy the whole concept of some of the stuff that was going on. So apparently I had to after sixth grade or like, yeah, he's got to go. Herbie: I wasn't in there that long, but thinking about like, you know, security and stuff like that for your school. A couple of those nuns would actually help with her down. Front door. Yeah, like in not just as even as hall monitors, man, they would just every type of little small problem, a fight, anything like that would be quickly extinguished. There would be no like you wouldn't have to worry about people trying to attack like with guns or not like that. Just get my ruler. Shamus: Well, that's the only place they probably could exist in today's educational world because their mindset and like I said, the way parents are now with their kids, there's no way. If one of those nuns called my house, it didn't, and like, I'll give you a prime example. Two guys were goofing off behind me and there's one nun absolutely hated me. ⁓ They were goofing off behind me and she turned around and it was one of the few times I was actually, because if you hate me and I know that, I have nothing for you. And like, this is like sixth grade and I'm like thinking to myself, like, just do what you gotta do, pass this class and get away from this lady. You know, she's a drag, she sucks. So like, I'm totally checked out. Like, unless you're teaching me something, don't talk to me. So like, I was looking down and she was like, what's going on over there? And when I looked up and I turned around, by the time I turned around, she was walking toward me going, it's you again, isn't it? And I was just kinda like, I have no idea what you're talking about. But yeah, sure, it's me. Herbie: and seventh grade. Shamus: Whatever. I'm calling home tonight. And I just thought to myself, great, because everybody knows from previous podcasts, my mother is a clubber line. She throws with that kind of and I'm thinking I'm to get my ass beat. Yep. Because this lady is going to totally break the seventh commandment, which I think is do not lie. Yeah. And tell my mom like I was involved in their shit. And of course, I got home and it didn't matter what I said. I was wrong. And that's just the way it was. That's how we were raised. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: There's no way these non-skilled kids live. Because now parents go when they pick up the phone like, he was doing this and they were like, well what provoked that? Or what were you doing as a teacher to prevent that? Or, there was none of that in my house. It was just like, he did what? It was like that movie Christmas Story, like, yo, Ralphie heard it from your side. Herbie: Well that's all I'm saying man, maybe we should bring back some of those Bronx nuns that they take care of like the parents now. Shamus: Yeah, there's no way they could teach classes. Now, that's why all them Catholic schools went belly. Well, that and priest thing. I mean, there's there's no room for them like. They're like the the enforcers in hockey. Yeah, there's no fighting in hockey anymore because there's no enforcers because everybody just kind of it's violent. Herbie: There's just, gotta still be. If you're getting like some like you know, which is a shame too because now with you know gun gun violence, you know in schools What you need is a couple of those nuns in the hallways with the metal rulers. They'll be deflecting bullets like freakin Jedi Shamus: That's gonna be great. None of them were, they were all middle-aged or older and just miserable people. And then I went to high school and like I said, one gym teacher was actually kind of cute. But other than that, I mean, I had some really cool teachers, like female side, like you said, like the one lady absolutely loved it on JRTC day, like we'd have to wear our class A's. She was all over us. She was always like, ⁓ my God, you guys look so handsome in these uniforms and stuff. And I was just like, ⁓ all right, I guess. And me and my buddy Mike would always like, would ya? And I just like, I don't know if I'm allowed to do this term paper, maybe. I mean, there was no teacher, I was just kind of like, man, I can't wait to get to this class. I could just, woo! Herbie: Yeah I hate to get out of... Kind of lucked out with that, dude. I didn't have too many hotties and like, there was a lot of, uh, teachers that I was really cool with. there was, for me, again, even in high school, there was like one of the female teachers, like she was really sweet. And I looked at like, it was like jokingly like flirting, like joke flirting. So was like not going anywhere to be like really initiating anything was just like joking around and having fun, but she was always like a nice lady and being that was like respectful to her, not only because of who she is, but like, you know, her title. So I never really had like a too many hot teachers, but I did have one student nurse in high school and she was, she was, she was pretty hot. yeah, yeah. We're like, it was, we're getting ready to, ⁓ do soccer. And she was a student, a school nurse. She was in training. ⁓ they were, to do a thing where they had to check, know, for the, what was it? Hernias and stuff like that. So of course the guys, don't know what the hell are you talking about? So I pretty much they grab your junk and make sure they check for like, Shamus: turn your head to the right. Herbie: ⁓ yeah. So of course, all of us guys were super hype. We're thinking that like she's going to be doing this thing like do she's going to juggling our nards. It's going to be freaking sweet. I'm going to be the first in line. I got to have her juggle my nards because like that was just like, you know, high school, you know, check grabbing your nuts. You're like, yes, that's signed me up. You know, so the one day we go and I think I was like second in line and we were all excited and it was like 30 of us like the whole soccer team. So my one buddy goes in first and we're all like talking to each other, hyping each other up because we're all excited about this. And he comes out and he's got this weird look on his face. And I'm like, what the hell is wrong with him? And I hear next. And of course I'm like, I'm running. I'm like, oh, cool. So I go in there and there she is. She's sitting there at at the nursing desk and she's like, okay, um, just go in the back there and go around the curtain. Cause you know, it was like that little partition thing, the little rolling partitions, like just go around there and we'll be right with you. And I was like, okay. So I started walking slow, like waiting for her to walk with me. She's like, yeah, just, just go ahead. I went around the corner and lo and behold, I get around the corner, man. And I saw this thing and I was like, anyone had watched the dark crystal, was a skexy. was just like old mummy looking birds. And it was, it was an old lady that was like well above her age. That was like very wobbly. She had like the bobblehead thing going on. She had the pearl necklace thing. She had the, you know, the the bright red lipstick and she would talk. Shamus: gallons and gallons of diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor, that shitty ass perfume at Kmart. Herbie: Like you can basically tell like when you saw her house was like nothing but doilies and that shitty like Crystal dish with like all those crappy candies are all molded into one Yeah, it was like one of those got grandma candy dish houses with the doilies. It was horrible. So I seared I'm like Traumatized she's like and she talked like just like all right. Well, we're gonna start doing the physical Are you ready? So she starts great, you know, she checking the ears and everything and then she I noticed her hands and her hands were cold. was like, Jesus Christ. And then I look at her hands and she was already like, you know, like just shaking around all over the place like a bobblehead. But her hands were like these long, ⁓ fricking Baba Yaga hands, man. Like long, damn. ⁓ my God. They were just like, it was almost like it like the Harry Potter, like the Dementor hands when they come in, they suck the soul out of your face. Shamus: Phalange. Or like that dude from Fright Night where he goes to close the window curtain. Herbie: It was definitely just like that dude you're freaking it she had like and like the wide knuckles like all knuckles and was just all withered down fingers and shit and she was just shaking so she's like alright well pull down your pants and no ⁓ boy so she grabs my Booga joggers and starts and like like her hands are shaking And our hands are cold, so I'm already petrified and I don't want to move. I could feel her nails digging into my taint. I was like, sweet Jesus. was so fucking... And like her hands are shaking like she's like rolling dice at Atlantic City. I'm like, Jesus, I didn't want to move whatsoever. Like one, I didn't want to get cut. Two, I didn't want my nuts ripped off. Three, I was terrified. And four, I was like, why the fuck am I even here right now? For soccer. was like, Jesus Christ. Shamus: Questioning your love. Herbie: But like it took her like maybe and she was professional about it. So it was nothing sexual. It was just like completely traumatized because like this was something I was not expecting to encounter. then like, you know, of course the inspection was like maybe three seconds, but it was like the longest three seconds I ever felt on my balls in my life. Shamus: We had the typical, the lady who looks like she owns a cookie company, elder, like Grandma Mabel's oatmeal cookie looking lady as our nurse. ⁓ nice later, don't get me wrong. And I've done a million physicals over the years. ⁓ Military, sports, ⁓ enforcement, you know, whatever. And I played a ton of sports as a kid. And I do remember the one. We walked in, there was like 10 of us in a row and this guy comes in with a sandwich in one hand, he's got a rubber glove in the other. And he's like, all right, starting from here, drop your pay. Everybody drop your pants. And like, he just went down the road, grab dirt, direct cough. And he's like eating a sandwich with his other hands. So I'm the last one in a row. And I look over and there's his back and chips, his ice tea and hers is pickle there. So he gets to me and he looks down He looks back up at me and I was like, It's cold in here. So he grabs him and he was like, cough. And I give him one of those. And he was like, that doesn't impress me. And I was like, you want to eat that pickle? And he was like, get out. Herbie: He's like... So you had corporal koo jean holding the sandwich like juggling your koo yawns, and then you had another lady Shamus: The guy looked like fucking Harold Ramis like Egon from now really he was just like cough I ⁓ need that pickle Herbie: You got to juggle your coupons and then you got freaking grandmother was baking cookies and I got a goddamn skexy from the dark crystal to juggle my jingles like she's in freaking Atlantic City rolling dice. Shamus: hands like I said there wasn't we did have one guy in this counter she was very classy lady I told Mike I was yeah I would ⁓ she can get it ⁓ didn't really talk to too much because I I wasn't too invested in my high school education like once I knew ⁓ like my dad kind of me towards the military you're gonna be a cop and you gotta be a cop when you get out and you're gonna do this this and that fulfilled your yeah I was just kind of like okay well kind of great so I need to do that I don't the military take anybody ⁓ Fuck it. I just do enough to get by. So I never really talked to my guidance counselor about my future and shit. So it's like, well, like when I did talk to her, I was just kind of like, man, she's kind of cute. Yeah. But I mean, I wouldn't go out of my way to hit on her or anything. I was kind of jipped to that. My I did have a crush on my crossing guard when I went to St. Henry's in Philadelphia. She was like seventh grade or eighth grade. I was like second. We moved over. Her name was Marisol. I forget her last name, but man, I was all about that. was like Pepe the Pew out there chasing that black cat around. was like, get away from me. Herbie: ⁓ I didn't really have too many like hot teachers and stuff like that or I had like, you know school crushes You know, but they were like, you know from the student body. ⁓ yeah, I'm too many like, you know teachers Yeah, we still have like I have like, you know the grandma's and like you're the breath smelt like coffee and cigarettes and like, know I have like the uncles that were like, you know, the guy teachers and yeah, it was was nothing Shamus: stay. Everybody wearing the polo. The guys wear the polos with the little gator on the left hand side with the shitty slacks. Herbie: It was just, yeah, especially really tight slacks. I was like, what the hell is that? But you know, I never had like any like super hot or even like minor hot teachers really. I mean, I had the cool ones and like I said before, it's like there was ones that were pretty, but I didn't look at them that way because of how they treated me and how I felt about them. It was more like respect and everything. But except for that student nurse and she betrayed me by having me get fondled by a goddamn skexy. Shamus: Does college count? Herbie: Yeah, call you. Why not? You have something? Shamus: I was in when I was stationed at a four pending When we got back from one of our deployments, they were like, hey, we're going to be in country for a little bit. So you guys want to do something? So I took some college classes. ⁓ It was Georgia Tech would give classes right on post. They would send. And this one chick, I was like, ⁓ hey ⁓ now. I couldn't even tell you what the class is. I have the transcript upstairs because I'm getting ready to start maybe doing some college again. she was absolutely, and only a couple years older than us, which was kind of blew my mind because I think I was like maybe 19 or 20 at the time. And I remember sitting here thinking to myself, she's gotta be like 26, 27 and you might have a shot at this, dude. Because I mean, I was in the best shape of my life. I was in the middle, we'd run five miles minimum every morning and shit. but yeah, she was kinda, I couldn't even tell you her name, but I still every once in a while think about her. Herbie: See there's gotta be like kids like kids in high school and stuff now they you guys You have no idea how good you got it cuz you got a bunch of like 25 year old College hotties out there, you know, and then of course you still see like the reports of like them, you know Being with the students. I'm like, my god Shamus: I'm like, man, who fucked that? Herbie: Can you imagine being a father and be like what happened? Like yeah I got sexually... well dudes aren't really gonna say that. I banged Mrs. Smith from biology. He's like, the blonde? Nice, that chick is Shamus: Man. Yeah. Yeah, when I saw that story in Florida, I was like, man, that's... what? Herbie: Yeah, there's like so many of them now that are like, SMOKE! Can't- well that's what happens, you know, he uses you- Shamus: Yeah, but kids can't keep their mouths shut. Don't get me wrong, like if she was actually physically like walking up with a bottle of ether knocking this kid out, dragging him into a van and then taking him in, yes. But if the kid consensually was just like, yeah, man, I'll crack that. Hell yeah. What am I doing after school? Yeah. And, and, but kids nowadays can't do anything. They, they, they always shoot themselves in the foot with the social media stuff. Like me as a kid, if I was... Herbie: You became a goddamn legend. Shamus: ⁓ that was isn't I wouldn't even have told my boy Mike until we graduate and me and that dude. That's yeah, we were yin and yang. yeah. So I wouldn't have told anybody. Herbie: deeper. You gotta let something like that marinate for like 10 years before you let that- Shamus: Like if I wouldn't even be talking about it on this podcast years later, I just like, was that between me, her and God. Herbie: Yeah Now it's like, you know, the girl says don't tell don't tell anybody about this But I'm gonna send you a picture of my titties on snapchat and then next you know, got Billy in the bathroom like like sharing that same app to like 12 of his other boys and you know the whole whole school's got a picture of like Mrs. Stewart's titties Like 25 years old Shamus: I I wouldn't have said a word. See, and I can say that because people are like, how do I know you didn't rail a teacher? if you were in my class in 96, you know there's not a teacher in. That I would say, ⁓ Herbie: that listeners, it's not worth of researching. Like are the teachers that we went to school with, we don't rent mention any names because you know, it's confidentiality for just the Shamus: Guarantee in the mail bag in the next week or two some people are gonna reach out and like you don't remember miss so-and-so or So but ⁓ yeah, it's it's like I said ⁓ the problem is nowadays It's just like law enforcement. Nobody wants to be a teacher anymore because nobody wants to deal with these kids Yeah, and it's not just it's the it's the way they're raised. It's the parents. So But like I said, some of these teachers some of these new teachers I'm like, but I would love to see like I said earlier. I would love to see where this lady's at in ten years when she's haggard and she's just fed up with kids and parents. Herbie: She's done with kids, probably has a couple kids of her own. She's like, Jesus. Shamus: But I'd love seeing them when they first come to work that Herbie: All bright-eyed and bush-tailed man. Now they're like... Shamus: the youth of America. We're building the future of this country. And then 10 years from now, they're just like, I hope this fire alarm is real. This isn't a drill, is it? Because I'm not doing a head count. Matter of fact, I'm not even telling these kids to get up. I'm just. Herbie: Abandon all hope. Yeah, I just hope the goddamn wild turkeys eat him, man. Shamus: I guess we could start wrapping this one up. Yeah, man. We're just going to let the viewers know that the Thursday episodes are to be a little bit shorter now because a suggestion was made that maybe people don't listen as long as like we talk for an hour. So we're going to the Thursday episodes. We're going to lighten up a little bit. unless you think otherwise, let us know. ⁓ And always like, rate and subscribe to our pod if you like what's going on. Even if you don't like it, just give us one star and let us know what we're doing wrong. And maybe I mean, we're not going to fix it. Herbie: Yeah, we're just gonna well, I like well I mean there's always room for like improvement like we're just starting doing this so but you know just the fact that You know, it's just me and Shay. He's like my brother man So like just for us to hang out is just awesome But if you guys want to be along for the ride We'd love to have you if you have any constructive criticism or anything like that. Let us know cuz you know Knowing is half the battle ⁓ Shamus: In our next episode, I think we got the dog poop guys. Yes. Yeah, we finally got the guys from scooper heroes coming in and they seem like really good guys. They're cool. Really excited about that episode because there's so many questions I have and I'm sure you guys do too. And listen, ⁓ if you do have a dog and you're interested, you know, or if you know somebody who has a dog or like maybe your neighbors. dog just poops all over the yard and they never clean it up. listen to that episode, you can pass on some information. We can drum up some business for these guys. Because that is all the rage nowadays. That industry seems like it's on the rise. Herbie: superheroes. Yeah, so be on the lookout for that next episode and hope you guys had a good time It was a short one, you know, maybe you brought up some old memories about like your teachers Shamus: Any hot teachers or any memories or sure? ⁓ man, let us know. All right, let's get up out of here brother ⁓ And ⁓ we almost forgot this episode of the pork roll egg and cheese podcast is brought to you by Big Bob's wax carrots big Bob's wax carrots No carrot too big. No carrot too small Bob waxes them all for free estimate ⁓ Give a call big Bob's wax carrots Herbie: Amen to that, man. Yeah. Shamus: All right, brother. I'll catch you on the next one. Everybody have a good day. Later. Herbie: Yeah, rock and roll everybody.