Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / Just Jennie … Don’t Be Silenced

Transcript

Just Jennie … Don’t Be Silenced · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. It's just me today, just Jenny.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: That kind of sounds like a sitcom. I'm so happy
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: that you're listening. You know, this whole podcast is about
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  Speaker 1: finding that strength within ourselves to truly be able to
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  Speaker 1: choose ourselves, to prioritize our well being, to listen to
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  Speaker 1: our own needs, not in some crazy, overhyped, unattainable way,
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  Speaker 1: but in a deep, personal, sometimes messy, but always meaningful way.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: At the core of this is something simple but so powerful,
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  Speaker 1: the ability to choose yourself. That means tuning into your
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  Speaker 1: own needs and building the kind of inner strength that
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  Speaker 1: doesn't require valid from an outside source. It's about finding
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  Speaker 1: stability within yourself so that no matter what life throws
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  Speaker 1: at you, whether it's chaos or change or conflict, you
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  Speaker 1: know you have your own back. I do just want
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  Speaker 1: to clarify one thing for anyone out there who might
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  Speaker 1: be having trouble with choose yourself. The concept when I
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  Speaker 1: say I Choose Me, I am not talking about being selfish.
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  Speaker 1: It's not about being self absorbed or ignoring other people's needs.
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  Speaker 1: That's not the message at all. What I mean is
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  Speaker 1: that we really need to fill our own cup first
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  Speaker 1: so we have something to offer the people we love.
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  Speaker 1: When you are grounded in who you are, when you're
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  Speaker 1: taking care of your physical, emotional, mental needs, you can
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  Speaker 1: actually show up better for everybody else in your life.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I call the beautiful reciprocal loop. Self care
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  Speaker 1: isn't separate from caring for others. It fuels it. Today,
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  Speaker 1: I want to talk about the power of your voice
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  Speaker 1: and what happens when someone tries to take it from you.
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  Speaker 1: So let me ask how many of you have ever
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  Speaker 1: felt silenced. Maybe you're in a meeting at work. You
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  Speaker 1: had an idea, you had something valuable to contribute, a
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  Speaker 1: question or wanted to ask, even something just a little question,
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  Speaker 1: something you wanted to share, and you stopped yourself. You
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  Speaker 1: swallowed it down. You convinced yourself it wasn't important enough,
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  Speaker 1: or that maybe it would cause friction among your coworkers,
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  Speaker 1: or that someone might think you were being dramatic, too sensitive,
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  Speaker 1: too emotional to something. That moment right there, that inner
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  Speaker 1: dialogue where you shrink yourself down, where you silence yourself. Basically,
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  Speaker 1: that's what I want to dig in today, because I've
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  Speaker 1: been there more times than I can count for much
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  Speaker 1: of my life, especially growing up in Hollyweird, as I
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  Speaker 1: like to call it, and in some of my relationships,
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  Speaker 1: there were situations where I felt like my voice wasn't welcome,
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  Speaker 1: or wouldn't be heard, or would just make things harder
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  Speaker 1: for me. We're often taught that, you know, when we're little,
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  Speaker 1: that we have to be polite, we shouldn't interrupt, we
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  Speaker 1: should put other people's needs before our own, and these
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  Speaker 1: are very, very valuable traits, but they should never come
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  Speaker 1: at the cost of your own truth. Over time, what
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  Speaker 1: I've learned is that silence in the wrong moment can
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  Speaker 1: become its own kind of self betrayal. But there have
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  Speaker 1: been times in my work life too that I have
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  Speaker 1: felt like I am only supposed to be seen and
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  Speaker 1: not heard. And I accepted that reality for a long
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  Speaker 1: time when I was young, too afraid to stand up
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  Speaker 1: for myself, afraid of being labeled difficult. And now I
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  Speaker 1: didn't have the age and wisdom then, so it sort
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  Speaker 1: of makes sense. But it absolutely was a choice I
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  Speaker 1: made to allow others to silence me, to keep me small,
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  Speaker 1: to keep me where they wanted me to be, to
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  Speaker 1: remind me of my place in the system, and that
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  Speaker 1: spills out of the workplace. Maybe that's happening to you.
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  Speaker 1: You can create an internal message of self doubt or worse,
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  Speaker 1: the feeling of being unworthy. You can carry that around
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  Speaker 1: with you. Then all of a sudden, you're believing it
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  Speaker 1: and you are allowing others to guide the narrative for
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  Speaker 1: your life. You start walking around almost agreeing with them. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: let's talk about relationships, especially romantic ones. By now, we
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  Speaker 1: all know or should know, that in a healthy relationship,
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  Speaker 1: both people's voices should be equally valued. But sometimes you
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  Speaker 1: find yourself in a dynamic where one person consistently tries
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  Speaker 1: to control the narrative, where your feelings are dismissed, your
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  Speaker 1: concerns are minimized, or you're made to feel like you're
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  Speaker 1: too emotional, you're too sensitive for simply expressing what's real
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  Speaker 1: for you. And here's where it gets even more challenging
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  Speaker 1: and probably resonates with some of you out there too.
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  Speaker 1: When that dynamic doesn't just end with that specific relationship.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes even years later, you'll find yourself going back to
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  Speaker 1: that feeling of not wanting to voice your opinion, because
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  Speaker 1: you remember it's ingrained in you to just not even
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  Speaker 1: communicate your needs or wants. You've been conditioned to somehow
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  Speaker 1: silence yourself to avoid conflict, or you just get exhausted
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  Speaker 1: by the thought of being hammered over the head about
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  Speaker 1: someone else's inaccurate story about something having to do with
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  Speaker 1: your life. You don't want to upset the apple cart,
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  Speaker 1: so to say. And some old relationships will stay with
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  Speaker 1: you for some reason or another, and they will continue
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  Speaker 1: to try to diminish your perspective, try to control your
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  Speaker 1: narrative about your own life. They still try to silence
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  Speaker 1: you from the experience you yourself lived through, silence you
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  Speaker 1: from your memories. That is frustrating, But after the frustration,
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  Speaker 1: maybe that situation will remind you just how important it
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  Speaker 1: is to protect your voice, because the truth is, you're
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  Speaker 1: a different person than you were when that was happening
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  Speaker 1: to you. You have grown, You are autonomous and independent,
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  Speaker 1: and you don't need someone telling you how to act
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  Speaker 1: or feel or be anymore. No, no, no, no, thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Let me tell you this. Choosing to acknowledge and protect
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  Speaker 1: your truth in these situations is not selfish. It's about
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  Speaker 1: self preservation. This is Gavin Newsom.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Being a television showrunner is almost like being a governor.
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  Speaker 2: You know, it's the same thing from Gleed and Nip Tuck.
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  Speaker 2: The days of civil discourse are over. The thing that
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  Speaker 2: I was not prepared for was the Kennedy firestorm, Monsters,
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  Speaker 2: the Lyle and Eric Menendez story. And I haven't really
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  Speaker 2: spoken about this. One of my good friends who's the
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  Speaker 2: star of one of my shows coming up, Kim Kardashian.
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  Speaker 2: You may have heard of her.
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  Speaker 1: One of the most prolific writers, producers, and directors in
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  Speaker 1: Hollywood today.
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  Speaker 2: Are monsters made or are they born? This is Ryan Murphy.
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  Speaker 2: Hollywood used to be Hollywood. How about the pressure you
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  Speaker 2: put on yourself. You're competing against this guy, Ryan Murphy. Well,
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  Speaker 2: that's the secret of my career. Do the opposite of
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  Speaker 2: what you just did, get another twenty years of this
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  Speaker 2: in you. That's interesting.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Listen to This is Gavin Newsom on the iHeartRadio app,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So, how
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  Speaker 1: do we find that courage? How do we reclaim our
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  Speaker 1: voices and make sure we're not letting others silence us?
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  Speaker 1: I've learned a thing or two, and this is where
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  Speaker 1: the concept of I choose me really starts to kick
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  Speaker 1: into gear. Here are some of the ways I've changed
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  Speaker 1: this dynamic in my life. Let's start with internal validation. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: internal validation always comes first. So basically, before you express
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  Speaker 1: your truth to anyone else, affirm it to yourself. Tell
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  Speaker 1: yourself what I feel is real, what I experienced matters.
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  Speaker 1: I do not need permission to acknowledge my own truth.
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  Speaker 1: That is the core of confidence. It starts from there,
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  Speaker 1: from the inside out. Second, okay, recognize the patterns. If
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  Speaker 1: someone in your life is constantly invalidating you, if they
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  Speaker 1: interrupt you, dismiss you, or dominate every conversation only talking
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  Speaker 1: about themselves or their experience, take note of that awareness
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  Speaker 1: is your power. When you recognize a behavior pattern, you're
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  Speaker 1: less likely to take it personally and more likely to
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  Speaker 1: respond with intention or potentially choose to not be with
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  Speaker 1: them anymore. How about that third thing? Always good to
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  Speaker 1: use eye statements. This sounds simple, but it's so effective.
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  Speaker 1: So express your thoughts with I feel or I need
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  Speaker 1: instead of saying you're doing this or you make me feel.
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  Speaker 1: That shifts the focus back to your perspective. Your lived reality,
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  Speaker 1: and it helps keep the conversation grounded, and sometimes it
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  Speaker 1: can help with the other person's defensive reactions. Instead of
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  Speaker 1: saying you're controlling the narrative, maybe say I feel disregarded
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  Speaker 1: when my experience is contradicted or dismissed. It's calm, it's clear,
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  Speaker 1: and it's powerful. Fourth thing, boundaries are your best friend.
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  Speaker 1: Boundaries don't make you colder, mean they make you clear.
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  Speaker 1: They are how you protect your peace. Here's a good
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  Speaker 1: way to set a boundary. When someone is not hearing you.
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  Speaker 1: You can say something like, hmm, I respect that you
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  Speaker 1: see things differently, but I'm no longer interested in conversations
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  Speaker 1: where my experience is invalidated. That's not confrontational. That's self
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  Speaker 1: respect in action. Fifth thing, don't isolate. Talk to your people,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's your best friend, your therapist, or someone you trust,
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  Speaker 1: get the support you need. When you've spent a long
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  Speaker 1: time being silenced, Just hearing someone else say yes, that
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  Speaker 1: makes sense or you're not crazy is healing. It reminds
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  Speaker 1: you that your voice has value and that you're not alone.
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  Speaker 1: Sixth and final thing, know when to take responsibility and apologize.
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  Speaker 1: Something I've always said is stop pointing the finger and
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  Speaker 1: start pulling the thumb. Sometimes we mess up, sometimes we
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  Speaker 1: say the wrong thing, or we hurt someone unintentionally. Taking
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  Speaker 1: responsibility and offering a sincere apology is not about taking
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  Speaker 1: all the blame or dismissing your worth. It's about choosing
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  Speaker 1: your own wellbeing enough to say, I see where I
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  Speaker 1: caused harm. A real apology sounds like I'm sorry, I
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  Speaker 1: hurt you, I understand how my actions impacted you, and
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  Speaker 1: I take full responsibility. I wanted to do better moving forward.
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  Speaker 1: That kind of ownership frees you from shame, it frees
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  Speaker 1: you from the weight of avoidance, and it lets others
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  Speaker 1: know that you're open to learning too. Oh and one
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  Speaker 1: more thing, never forget the ripple effect. When you speak up,
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  Speaker 1: when you protect your truth, when you stop minimizing your
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  Speaker 1: voice to keep the peace, you give others permission to
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  Speaker 1: do the same. You break cycles, You change the narrative,
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  Speaker 1: not just for yourself, but for your kids, your partner,
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  Speaker 1: your friends, your future. Your courage becomes a mirror, your
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  Speaker 1: authenticity somehow becomes a torch. And here's the thing I
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  Speaker 1: want you to remember most You don't owe anyone silence.
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  Speaker 1: You are not too much. You are not too emotional,
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  Speaker 1: you are not too dramatic. You are enough. You are
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  Speaker 1: worthy of being heard. If you're navigating a situation like
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  Speaker 1: this right now, I want you to know I see you,
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  Speaker 1: I get it. I know how disorienting it can feel,
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  Speaker 1: but also how empowering it is when you finally reclaim
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  Speaker 1: your voice. The more you practice speaking your truth, the
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  Speaker 1: easier it becomes. The more you listen to your instincts,
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  Speaker 1: the louder they get, and the more you protect your peace,
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  Speaker 1: the more grounded and joyful your life becomes. I hope
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  Speaker 1: this encourages you to let that beautiful, unique voice of
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  Speaker 1: yours shine. Until next time, take care of yourselves and
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  Speaker 1: remember to always always choose you