Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 146. Alex Elle, Author & Self-Care Facilitator

Transcript

146. Alex Elle, Author & Self-Care Facilitator · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: Do the hard thing. And I don't know what your
0:02
Speaker 1: hard thing is, but lean into it. Life is too short.
0:07
Speaker 1: It's the longest, shortest time. And if the last year
0:12
Speaker 1: hasn't shown us that, I don't know what will stop
0:15
Speaker 1: leaving yourself behind and show up. And sometimes that is
0:19
Speaker 1: the hardest thing ever to do, but you're worth it.
0:39
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Emily, A body here and I am oh man, elated, emotional, excited, amped,
0:48
Speaker 2: all of the adjectives. You are listening to the season
0:52
Speaker 2: five premiere episode of Hurdle a Wellness, a focused podcast
0:58
Speaker 2: wears it down with inspiring individuals to talk about their
1:01
Speaker 2: big wins, tough moments, and everything in between. On the show,
1:05
Speaker 2: you can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone
1:10
Speaker 2: from top athletes to aspiring entrepreneurs on what it really
1:14
Speaker 2: takes to follow your passions. My mission is simple to
1:18
Speaker 2: inspire you to be your best self, move with intention,
1:22
Speaker 2: and have some fun along the way. The vibe right
1:27
Speaker 2: now is lit. Okay, as I hear myself say that
1:31
Speaker 2: out loud, sounds kind of ridiculous. I'm not sure if
1:35
Speaker 2: that prae should be in my vernacular, but really I
1:37
Speaker 2: cannot shout it. From the rooftops enough just how happy
1:41
Speaker 2: I am that we are at this point. I mean,
1:43
Speaker 2: what's coming down the piper hurdle, the fact that we're
1:46
Speaker 2: here in season five. This week we celebrated a huge,
1:50
Speaker 2: huge milestone three milliion downloads. When I try to think
1:54
Speaker 2: about like three million people listening to my voice at anytime,
1:59
Speaker 2: I'm just like, yeah, there are no words for that. Anyway,
2:02
Speaker 2: big week for Hurdle. I feel blessed, and I feel
2:06
Speaker 2: extra blessed because alex Elle, author, host of the Hay
2:10
Speaker 2: Girl podcast, is on the show today. I can almost
2:15
Speaker 2: guarantee that you have liked one of Alex's posts on Instagram,
2:19
Speaker 2: and that's because this woman speaks the truth. After reading
2:23
Speaker 2: her latest book, After the Rain, it came out in December,
2:27
Speaker 2: I finally put on my big girl pants and was like,
2:31
Speaker 2: I need to do everything possible to get some of
2:34
Speaker 2: this woman's time and bring her story to the show.
2:37
Speaker 2: And so I was so elated, as an understatement, to
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Speaker 2: just have this conversation with her and that she said yes,
2:44
Speaker 2: and just just so humbled by all of it, especially
2:47
Speaker 2: because in today's episode we talk about how selective she
2:50
Speaker 2: can be with her time. These days strategic let's say that,
2:53
Speaker 2: and how many of us suffer from just like overcommitting
2:58
Speaker 2: all of the time. We also talk about her upgringing
3:01
Speaker 2: and how a tough childhood encouraged her to pay her
3:04
Speaker 2: own way and believe in herself. We rap about how
3:07
Speaker 2: both therapy and writing literally saved her life, and the
3:12
Speaker 2: crazy story about how she met her husband and their
3:15
Speaker 2: brutility struggles. And we also talk about the importance of
3:19
Speaker 2: coming into your own power, setting smart boundaries without feeling
3:23
Speaker 2: guilt or shame. I mean, this episode is loaded, you
3:27
Speaker 2: know that. Before we get into today's conversation, I have
3:30
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Speaker 2: and a note on sponsors, especially on the brink of
3:36
Speaker 2: a new season. They're so integraled with this whole process
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Speaker 2: have a big announcement. What would the launch of the
6:39
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6:42
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6:58
Speaker 2: following the show over at podcast and me over at
7:02
Speaker 2: Emily and Body for more info. Whether you are new here,
7:06
Speaker 2: whether you are a veteran hurdler, Thank you so much
7:10
Speaker 2: for being a part of this community. Again, it just
7:12
Speaker 2: means the world and you are so welcome here. With that,
7:18
Speaker 2: let's get to hurdling today. I'm sitting down with Alex
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Speaker 2: el She is an author. Her newest book, After the Rain,
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Speaker 2: came out at the end of the last year. She's
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Speaker 2: also the host of the Hey Girl podcast what's up, Alex.
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Speaker 1: Hey, nothing much. I am hanging in there. How are you?
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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me?
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Speaker 2: I am doing well. You took my first question away
7:55
Speaker 2: from me. I feel as though I really wanted to
7:59
Speaker 2: start the episode off with like a real how are
8:04
Speaker 2: you moment?
8:05
Speaker 1: So how are you today? I'm good. It's been a
8:10
Speaker 1: busy day of calls, back to back, kids, ripping and
8:15
Speaker 1: running all over but over overall, I'm good. I'm having
8:22
Speaker 1: a good.
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Speaker 2: Day ripping and running. So mother of three, yes, yes,
8:29
Speaker 2: how's momming these days?
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Speaker 1: You know? With our oldest it's fine, she's thirteen. But
8:36
Speaker 1: with the babies, they are just big balls of energy
8:42
Speaker 1: and we can't get out the energy fast enough, you know,
8:46
Speaker 1: especially because it's cold and all there. You know, it's
8:49
Speaker 1: COVID and everything else in between. So it is interesting,
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Speaker 1: but we are doing our best with what we have
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Speaker 1: and giving ourselves grace, me and my husband through the process.
9:00
Speaker 2: And you're outside of Washington, d C. Yeah, So it's
9:03
Speaker 2: crazy feeling that you're feeling that cold, like I'm feeling
9:06
Speaker 2: that cold up in New York. Yes, Oh my goodness,
9:10
Speaker 2: right now, it's literally brutal. I would love if we
9:13
Speaker 2: could now that we've done our how are we really
9:15
Speaker 2: check in? If we could kick off today by giving
9:19
Speaker 2: the audience a little bit of insight into who you are,
9:22
Speaker 2: So I said an author, I said a podcast host.
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Speaker 2: When you talk about what you do to someone for
9:29
Speaker 2: the first time, what do you tell them?
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Speaker 1: So, if we're talking professional introductions, which I've had to
9:35
Speaker 1: do a couple of today, I normally say I'm an
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Speaker 1: author and a self care facilitator who is passionate about
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Speaker 1: bringing people closer to their voice by way of writing practice.
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Speaker 1: I use writing practice to help folks lean into their
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Speaker 1: self care practice. So I was, you know, thinking like
9:53
Speaker 1: what could I call that? I want to help people
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Speaker 1: facilitate self care in their lives by way of writing,
10:01
Speaker 1: because that's how I stumbled across it, and writing really
10:04
Speaker 1: did save my life. So like getting back to the
10:07
Speaker 1: basics with self care and starting with the pen in
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Speaker 1: the page to really kind of get to know ourselves better.
10:13
Speaker 2: Talk to me about growing up, Talk to me about
10:16
Speaker 2: life before you found writing.
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Speaker 1: So I was a pretty sad kid, lost, teen, depressed, anxious, suicidal.
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Speaker 1: I had a lot of trauma growing up, and when
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Speaker 1: I turned nineteen, I decided that it was time to
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Speaker 1: go get help on my own terms, and I met
10:43
Speaker 1: this amazing woman and she changed my life. And I've
10:47
Speaker 1: always been a writer. I've always written in some way,
10:51
Speaker 1: shape or form because that was my outlet, and being
10:55
Speaker 1: an only child, storytelling and poetry was really how I
11:00
Speaker 1: comfort and a little less loneliness. But it wasn't until
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Speaker 1: I started writing to heal in therapy that I was
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Speaker 1: able to explore what it meant to as a thirty
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Speaker 1: one year old woman. Now I have this language, but
11:16
Speaker 1: back then I didn't really be able to stand in
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Speaker 1: my power and be my own inner expert and to
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Speaker 1: heal myself through sharing my story on the page and
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Speaker 1: getting curious about what was coming up in front of me.
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Speaker 1: And my therapist did such an amazing job encouraging me
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Speaker 1: to trust myself and to realize that I had my
11:43
Speaker 1: answers and that she was just there to help me
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Speaker 1: guide help guide me through those answers, not to give
11:50
Speaker 1: me my answers. So it was a really empowering therapeutic
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Speaker 1: experience and I got lucky with her, and writing has
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Speaker 1: been my healer since.
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Speaker 2: When you say you got lucky with her, what do
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Speaker 2: you mean by that?
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Speaker 1: I mean that a lot of times therapy can feel
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Speaker 1: like you're dating. I know that in my adult life,
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Speaker 1: I have gone through many a therapist just because you
12:20
Speaker 1: know they weren't a good match. But having this woman
12:24
Speaker 1: be my first experience with therapy in this way, and
12:32
Speaker 1: having her be so kind and warm and understanding and
12:37
Speaker 1: encouraging was something I had never experienced before, especially from
12:42
Speaker 1: an adult figure, and it was really life changing how
12:51
Speaker 1: I looked at myself and how I looked at how
12:54
Speaker 1: I showed up in the world.
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Speaker 2: And when you said you met a woman at nineteen,
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Speaker 2: this is a indifferent than your therapist.
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Speaker 1: No, but that is my therapist.
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Speaker 2: That is my therapist.
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Speaker 1: Miss B is what I call her.
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Speaker 2: What led you away from Miss B?
13:10
Speaker 1: So she moved, and I will never forget the dread
13:18
Speaker 1: I felt when she told me she was moving, and
13:23
Speaker 1: I cried, and I remember her saying, hey, look at me.
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Speaker 1: You can do this. You are doing this, and I
13:32
Speaker 1: will give you some referrals and I trust that you
13:38
Speaker 1: know what your next step could be. So she really
13:42
Speaker 1: gave me my power. She really gave me permission rather
13:46
Speaker 1: to explore what it meant to be autonomous and have
13:50
Speaker 1: a choice and to heal in a way that was
13:56
Speaker 1: messy but also liberating. And we kept in touch a little,
14:03
Speaker 1: maybe the first few months of her being gone, and
14:06
Speaker 1: then you know, we just grew apart. But I will
14:10
Speaker 1: never and she may not remember me, but I will
14:12
Speaker 1: never forget the impact that she's had all my life.
14:17
Speaker 1: And she was just wonderful.
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Speaker 2: I feel as though there are probably a lot of
14:26
Speaker 2: individuals I know so actually that feel that way about
14:31
Speaker 2: you without having met you, because of the words that
14:36
Speaker 2: you put into the world. I'm curious, how does that
14:41
Speaker 2: feel for you?
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Speaker 1: It feels like a mirror in a really good way.
14:50
Speaker 1: Because the goal as a writer, no matter the scale
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Speaker 1: of your profession or your work or whatever, is to
15:01
Speaker 1: touch one heart and is to also show people through
15:09
Speaker 1: the written word, that they are not alone. So to
15:12
Speaker 1: be able to do that with my stories, with my experience,
15:18
Speaker 1: with my healing, it means so much more than I
15:22
Speaker 1: can ever start to put into words. And when I
15:26
Speaker 1: feel maybe some self doubt creeping in, or some imposter
15:31
Speaker 1: syndrome creeping in, or some oh I'm not good enough
15:35
Speaker 1: creeping in, I'm often reminded that my worth is so
15:42
Speaker 1: much deeper than what I may think it is, and
15:46
Speaker 1: That's why it's so important that we lean on community,
15:51
Speaker 1: and if folks feel like they can resonate with me
15:54
Speaker 1: and my story and my work in a way that
15:57
Speaker 1: feels supportive and comforting, I am always going to be
16:03
Speaker 1: honored by that, and I hope that people feel that way.
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Speaker 1: I think that is definitely an intention of mine for
16:09
Speaker 1: folks to resonate and know that they aren't alone and
16:13
Speaker 1: whatever they're walking through.
16:15
Speaker 2: I would love if you feel comfortable sharing a little
16:19
Speaker 2: bit about it, to understand a little bit more of
16:23
Speaker 2: perhaps what you went through before meeting your therapist at nineteen,
16:29
Speaker 2: because of what you're saying here, which is our mutual
16:34
Speaker 2: hope really to help others feel less alone in what
16:39
Speaker 2: they're going through.
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Speaker 1: So I grew up in a really tumultuous, abusive home
16:44
Speaker 1: and I'm actually back in therapy now with an awesome
16:49
Speaker 1: woman unpacking my trauma, which is intense, especially all these
16:55
Speaker 1: years later. And it was also a mom. I became
17:02
Speaker 1: a mom at eighteen, and I knew that I wanted
17:06
Speaker 1: to be a different woman and person and human being
17:10
Speaker 1: for my then one daughter. I have three daughters now,
17:16
Speaker 1: and it had to start with me. But I was
17:19
Speaker 1: so broken I didn't even know how to begin, and
17:22
Speaker 1: that's why I went to miss Be because I wanted
17:26
Speaker 1: to know how to begin and how to heal myself
17:29
Speaker 1: and how to do things differently and how to break
17:31
Speaker 1: generational curses and cycles. And I didn't have that language
17:34
Speaker 1: at eighteen, but looking back, that's exactly what I was
17:38
Speaker 1: doing and what I intended to do. But the only
17:42
Speaker 1: language I had around that was like, I want to change,
17:45
Speaker 1: I want to be different. And there was a breaking
17:48
Speaker 1: point when I was feeling really suicidal and I wanted
17:52
Speaker 1: to kill myself and I was thinking of ways to
17:57
Speaker 1: do it, and I was a mom, and I was
18:03
Speaker 1: in i'm sure postpartum depression, and also on top of
18:09
Speaker 1: all the trauma and abuse and hardship that I had
18:14
Speaker 1: walked through earlier in my life, everything had just come
18:17
Speaker 1: to a head. So my choice to go to therapy
18:23
Speaker 1: was to not only save my life, but to enrich
18:27
Speaker 1: my life. And it was kind of this rock bottom thing,
18:33
Speaker 1: which now I don't think people should go to therapy
18:36
Speaker 1: just because they're at their rock bottom. I'm huge for
18:39
Speaker 1: mental health maintenance is what I call my therapy sessions
18:44
Speaker 1: with my therapist now. But then I just really needed it.
18:48
Speaker 1: I just really needed a neutral party to hear me
18:52
Speaker 1: and not judge me.
18:54
Speaker 2: Was it hard for you at first to open up
18:56
Speaker 2: to someone who was at the time a complete stranger.
19:00
Speaker 1: No, it was much easier. And I think it was
19:03
Speaker 1: easier because I felt I didn't feel safe with the
19:07
Speaker 1: adults and with the people in my life who I knew.
19:12
Speaker 1: So I figured this person, this license professional, who had
19:19
Speaker 1: just a really kind energy about her as well. She
19:23
Speaker 1: was Southern, and I don't know, she was just warm,
19:27
Speaker 1: like she just felt like a hug and I felt safe,
19:30
Speaker 1: and I think trusting my intuition started to kick in
19:35
Speaker 1: then too, like how do you read the room, how
19:37
Speaker 1: do you read the energy? How are you feeling in
19:40
Speaker 1: your body? Do you feel safe? Especially as someone who
19:44
Speaker 1: disassociated from a lot of things and spent so much
19:50
Speaker 1: time outside of my body? Right, So it just like
19:53
Speaker 1: all this relearning and unlearning had to happen from age
19:57
Speaker 1: nineteen to now thirty, and I'm still unlearning and relearning, right.
20:02
Speaker 1: So it's this cycle of healing that isn't supposed to stop.
20:07
Speaker 1: You know, we don't reach these arrival points, but we
20:10
Speaker 1: do learn from the things that we are healing. From
20:14
Speaker 1: and sometimes it's easier than others.
20:17
Speaker 2: Can you recall a moment, probably or perhaps soon after
20:22
Speaker 2: you started going to therapy that you realized that it
20:27
Speaker 2: was all going to be okay?
20:30
Speaker 1: No, I think for a long time I thought it
20:34
Speaker 1: wasn't going to be okay. Even after therapy, I started
20:39
Speaker 1: feeling like it was going to be okay when I
20:42
Speaker 1: decided that trauma did not have to be my resting place.
20:47
Speaker 1: And I don't think that happened until I was around
20:49
Speaker 1: twenty three, so it had been a while.
20:52
Speaker 2: So interesting that idea that trauma doesn't have to be
20:56
Speaker 2: our resting place, especially coming off of a year where
20:59
Speaker 2: that's so differently felt like the commonplace for so so
21:05
Speaker 2: many of us. I mean, I do want to get
21:07
Speaker 2: back to where we're going with your story, but I
21:09
Speaker 2: also feel like now is a good time to interject
21:12
Speaker 2: this question that I have for you. I listened to
21:14
Speaker 2: a recent episode that you recorded with Amber Ray, and
21:18
Speaker 2: you asked her how it is that she takes care
21:22
Speaker 2: of herself so that she can offer care to others
21:25
Speaker 2: like this year, specifically, how have you someone that man
21:32
Speaker 2: people like really turned to this year? How have you
21:36
Speaker 2: showed up for yourself? So that you can take care
21:38
Speaker 2: of others.
21:39
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's challenging. Self care for me has
21:43
Speaker 1: been getting back to the basics. My two youngest daughters
21:49
Speaker 1: are twenty months apart. So when Maximus was born.
21:55
Speaker 2: She.
21:57
Speaker 1: Shook up our whole world. And Ailah was only twenty
21:59
Speaker 1: one old, and it was interesting how my self care
22:07
Speaker 1: ritual had changed. I went from two kids who were
22:13
Speaker 1: ten years apart to three kids with all these different
22:17
Speaker 1: age gaps, and then the last two were close together.
22:20
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, what am I going to do?
22:23
Speaker 1: And I started making rituals out of This might sound silly,
22:28
Speaker 1: but maybe other caretakers and parents listening will be able
22:31
Speaker 1: to resonate out of like just brushing my teeth, washing
22:36
Speaker 1: my face, locking the bathroom door, and taking a long
22:40
Speaker 1: shower and knowing that my husband got it with the kids,
22:43
Speaker 1: he got it. I can I have I can have
22:45
Speaker 1: this moment. I love the locking of the door. I
22:49
Speaker 1: know you have.
22:51
Speaker 2: It is locked.
22:53
Speaker 1: It is locked. Yeah, yeah, because we have a house
22:56
Speaker 1: where you know, kids just come and go and it's like, okay,
22:59
Speaker 1: if the door's not locked, that means you know, I
23:03
Speaker 1: can come in. But initially I mean just essentially, it
23:09
Speaker 1: was just getting back to the basics and making my
23:16
Speaker 1: coffee and like creating ritual out of that, and making
23:20
Speaker 1: or making my tea and having it be like this
23:22
Speaker 1: moment of meditation. And I know that that may sound
23:25
Speaker 1: like so woo woo, but we have to remember that
23:29
Speaker 1: a lot of times we breathe through those things. We're
23:32
Speaker 1: not present in those moments of teeth brushing or face
23:36
Speaker 1: washing or getting the coffee, you know, or getting the
23:39
Speaker 1: tea or making the meal. We're just kind of autopilot.
23:44
Speaker 1: And I had to recommit to myself that I was
23:54
Speaker 1: worthy of slow, easeful, mindful moment, even with three kids,
24:00
Speaker 1: even with a husband, even with a busy schedule, even
24:04
Speaker 1: with deadlines. I can pause, I can reset, and I
24:11
Speaker 1: can have ease. And in those moments is where I
24:16
Speaker 1: found true self care. It's where I found those fill
24:22
Speaker 1: me up moments, so that when I show up and
24:24
Speaker 1: I'm teaching, when I show up and I'm writing these books,
24:27
Speaker 1: when I show up and I have meetings and zoom
24:30
Speaker 1: calls and homeschooling and everything else in between, I can
24:35
Speaker 1: be fully present. It does no one any justice if
24:40
Speaker 1: we show up and we're empty. So I look at
24:44
Speaker 1: self care too as not only getting back to basics,
24:47
Speaker 1: but self care as an act of community care, of
24:52
Speaker 1: community service. It is all cyclical, it all goes together.
24:57
Speaker 1: And as a caretaker, as a mother, I have to
25:01
Speaker 1: show up full. I want, not that I have to,
25:05
Speaker 1: but I want to. I want to show up full
25:07
Speaker 1: for my kids. And I know in the days when
25:10
Speaker 1: I'm not full, So mindfulness and giving myself that gift
25:16
Speaker 1: of slowing down has been my active acts of self care.
25:28
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25:31
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25:40
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25:45
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26:00
Speaker 2: in all the screen time, we're definitely messing with me.
26:04
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Speaker 2: people feel as though those small things aren't quote unquote enough.
27:31
Speaker 2: You know, they worry about what they might see someone
27:36
Speaker 2: else doing on social media or something, and they think, well,
27:40
Speaker 2: if that person's version of self care is some crazy
27:45
Speaker 2: indulgent X or y, and mine is like mindfully making
27:49
Speaker 2: my coffee. Then like, is my self care not good enough?
27:53
Speaker 1: Self care not other people care at the forefront? Right,
27:57
Speaker 1: That's what I have to remind myself of. Self care
28:00
Speaker 1: has to focus on this self.
28:03
Speaker 2: I also want to tell you that I remember the
28:05
Speaker 2: first time I heard your podcast, I think it was
28:08
Speaker 2: in August of twenty eighteen, and something that rocked my world,
28:12
Speaker 2: and what hooked me into your world for kind of
28:15
Speaker 2: forever from that point forward was you asked a question,
28:20
Speaker 2: and now knowing a little bit more about your backstory,
28:22
Speaker 2: it really hits home here, and you said something along
28:26
Speaker 2: the lines of, how are you going to implement your
28:29
Speaker 2: self care or self love tools when you're feeling like
28:32
Speaker 2: you don't want to live anymore? And how are you
28:36
Speaker 2: going to move forward with that? Because the intention should
28:39
Speaker 2: should always be to manifest new ways to heal stuff
28:43
Speaker 2: that hurts, because stuff is always going to hurt. And
28:49
Speaker 2: I found that so interesting because it really is about
28:56
Speaker 2: not only understanding what works for you, but then having
29:01
Speaker 2: some grace with yourself as you figure out the best
29:04
Speaker 2: ways to implement that. In a life that is constantly
29:08
Speaker 2: varied and ever changing.
29:11
Speaker 1: Correct.
29:12
Speaker 2: Blew my mind, Alex, thank you, blew my mind. The
29:18
Speaker 2: woman that is now a few years in to her twenties,
29:25
Speaker 2: raising a toddler, going about life. Talk to me about
29:30
Speaker 2: what the journey looked like for you.
29:32
Speaker 1: Then it looks like, Okay, you've got to get your
29:37
Speaker 1: shit together. Part of my.
29:39
Speaker 2: Friend allow it. I allow it.
29:43
Speaker 1: And it looked like just staying committed to doing things differently.
29:51
Speaker 1: I talk about this in depth in my new book,
29:55
Speaker 1: After the Rain, in the first chapter actually called change,
29:59
Speaker 1: and I talk about the different jobs I had. I
30:03
Speaker 1: talked about everything in between that, and how I had
30:09
Speaker 1: to decide what was truly important and what truly mattered,
30:13
Speaker 1: and how taking this leap of faith into being a
30:16
Speaker 1: writer was not easy, but it was so much more
30:26
Speaker 1: rewarding than staying in a toxic work environment, missing out
30:30
Speaker 1: on my kids milestones and school and things. Doing this
30:36
Speaker 1: commute from Montgomery County, Maryland to DC every day. And
30:43
Speaker 1: it was interesting reading, like when I was writing that chapter,
30:48
Speaker 1: like how I had to go back all those years
30:50
Speaker 1: and really think about where I was and how I felt.
30:54
Speaker 1: And the first thing that came to mind was bravery
31:00
Speaker 1: me not knowing where I mustered up the courage to
31:05
Speaker 1: take another you know, leap of faith on myself and
31:13
Speaker 1: to also choose to do things differently than what may
31:17
Speaker 1: have been expected of me. I mean, people told me
31:22
Speaker 1: all sorts of things about who I would be and
31:24
Speaker 1: who I wouldn't be because I was a young mom
31:27
Speaker 1: and because I was, you know, a college drop out,
31:31
Speaker 1: like all these different things. But no one was telling
31:36
Speaker 1: me you can and you will if you work hard
31:42
Speaker 1: and you show up authentically. No one was telling me that.
31:46
Speaker 1: So I had to choose to be my own biggest
31:50
Speaker 1: advocate and to be my own validation. And I think,
31:55
Speaker 1: as I look back on my life so far, that
31:59
Speaker 1: has been one of the greatest gifts. I'm not only
32:02
Speaker 1: giving myself, but I'm giving my children. My oldest daughter
32:07
Speaker 1: is an artist and she is phenomenal at her craft,
32:13
Speaker 1: and she said to me last year that I inspire
32:16
Speaker 1: her to do what she loves. And we haven't had
32:21
Speaker 1: these you know, super intense talks yet, but she's watching.
32:29
Speaker 1: So I didn't have that, so being able to give,
32:33
Speaker 1: just to lead by example for my children and to
32:36
Speaker 1: break these generational cycles that were unhealthy and toxic, and
32:43
Speaker 1: to mother differently and to love differently and to show
32:51
Speaker 1: up fully has been the most transformative thing I could
32:59
Speaker 1: have done to date.
33:00
Speaker 2: How does it feel that your daughter has chosen to
33:06
Speaker 2: be an artist in her own right?
33:09
Speaker 1: Oh? I love I love that she has decided to
33:14
Speaker 1: lean into her craft. And I also would love it
33:17
Speaker 1: if she decided to change her mind, whatever, whatever works
33:22
Speaker 1: for her and her life, as long as she's feeling,
33:25
Speaker 1: as long as she's staying safe and being you know,
33:29
Speaker 1: honest and being a good person. You know, my husband
33:34
Speaker 1: and I we don't care what she does if it
33:37
Speaker 1: leaves her feeling good and confident, and if it's leaving
33:42
Speaker 1: an impact on the people that she comes across, mainly
33:50
Speaker 1: leaving an impact on herself in her footprint in the world,
33:55
Speaker 1: that's what matters to us.
33:58
Speaker 2: You just mentioned your as well. Talk to me about
34:03
Speaker 2: meeting your husband.
34:06
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh that thing that also happened in my twenties.
34:12
Speaker 1: Yeah. I met my husband when I was twenty three
34:16
Speaker 1: turning twenty four. He was in California, I was here.
34:21
Speaker 1: We were long distance for a while.
34:25
Speaker 2: How did you meet him, Alex don't meet out the
34:27
Speaker 2: cool stuff.
34:28
Speaker 1: So I met him on Twitter, which is so funny.
34:33
Speaker 2: There's hope for all of us.
34:35
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's hope now, I'm just kidding.
34:40
Speaker 1: I would not meet anybody on Twitter in twenty twenty one.
34:45
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, that one sptimistic, real negative, real quick moment.
34:51
Speaker 1: No, I have to I just have to be I
34:53
Speaker 1: just I'm just being funny. Me and my husband joke
34:55
Speaker 1: about that all the time, like, if we didn't meet
34:57
Speaker 1: back in twenty thirteen when we met, we would not
35:00
Speaker 1: be anything. So we laugh about that. But no, guys,
35:03
Speaker 1: keep hope alive. Meet your love wherever your love finds you. No.
35:08
Speaker 1: But yeah, we met on Twitter and he was actually
35:14
Speaker 1: a fan of my work, and I don't know, we
35:17
Speaker 1: just it was random. We were not expecting to, I'm sure,
35:21
Speaker 1: be married with raising kids together. But I had a
35:26
Speaker 1: trip planned to California, and it just so happened that
35:31
Speaker 1: he lived fifteen minutes away from my friend I was
35:34
Speaker 1: going to go visit, so of course we met when
35:39
Speaker 1: I went out there. He actually picked me up from
35:41
Speaker 1: the airport. We had facetimed for months before we met,
35:45
Speaker 1: and we're on the phone all the time, and we
35:47
Speaker 1: had really just become great friends. And the rest is history.
35:54
Speaker 1: He picked me up and I had been we're now
35:57
Speaker 1: still together, so and he's and it's just wild our
36:02
Speaker 1: love story. I don't think about it often because we're
36:05
Speaker 1: in it, you know, but like whenever people ask, I'm like, oh, yeah,
36:09
Speaker 1: that definitely did happen.
36:11
Speaker 2: So then, looking back on the years after, you know,
36:15
Speaker 2: meeting and marrying, when would you say in there that
36:19
Speaker 2: your career really started to go in this upward trajectory.
36:27
Speaker 1: I would say by the time my third book came out,
36:32
Speaker 1: I don't know what year, twenty sixteen, things really started
36:35
Speaker 1: to shift. And then when I started teaching in twenty
36:42
Speaker 1: seventeen twenty eighteen, another shift happened. So I really found
36:52
Speaker 1: my flow in not only wanting to be a writer,
36:57
Speaker 1: but wanting to teach other people the power behind writing,
37:00
Speaker 1: especially when it came to sharing their truth and healing.
37:07
Speaker 2: Did you envision as you wrote more and more as
37:12
Speaker 2: a part of your healing, that it would become a
37:16
Speaker 2: career that you would actually pursue.
37:18
Speaker 1: That's a good question. When I quit my job, I
37:21
Speaker 1: had a best selling book out and it was self published,
37:25
Speaker 1: and I really wanted to explore writing for a living.
37:35
Speaker 1: But I was extremely nervous about that, but needless to say,
37:39
Speaker 1: I ended up going for it. And after I quit
37:43
Speaker 1: my job, I got my first speaking engagement at Ohio
37:46
Speaker 1: State University, and that too was another I guess I
37:50
Speaker 1: have to rewind a bit. That too was another tick
37:53
Speaker 1: of huh, like, this is something that I really enjoyed doing,
37:58
Speaker 1: sharing my story, but also encouraging other people to share
38:03
Speaker 1: their to share theirs as well. So I did a
38:06
Speaker 1: lot of speaking in the beginning. I did a lot
38:08
Speaker 1: of writing books and speaking engagements, but the speaking engagements
38:14
Speaker 1: weren't really hitting the same. And the reason why I
38:17
Speaker 1: say that is because I don't like to be the
38:20
Speaker 1: expert of anyone else's life. I want to encourage people
38:23
Speaker 1: to be the expert of their own life. And oftentimes
38:27
Speaker 1: with speaking engagements, you know you're talking at people, and
38:30
Speaker 1: I prefer to talk with people. So when I was
38:37
Speaker 1: going through that shift of okay, yes to book writing
38:40
Speaker 1: and also yes, I'm not quite yet yes to community
38:44
Speaker 1: and people, but I don't really want to talk at people.
38:47
Speaker 1: I want to talk with people. That was another shift
38:50
Speaker 1: that happened when I actually started teaching and being in
38:53
Speaker 1: community and in classrooms and retreats and all of that
38:57
Speaker 1: with folks. So I don't know if I answered your question,
39:02
Speaker 1: but just thinking through that out loud, that's kind of
39:05
Speaker 1: the trajectory.
39:07
Speaker 2: No, you did, I mean, basically, twenty sixteen was the
39:10
Speaker 2: year that you both married the love of your life
39:13
Speaker 2: and your career took off. So it's really just giving
39:16
Speaker 2: me hope that this year is on my personal personal horizon.
39:23
Speaker 2: You mentioned doing some speaking and doing keynotes and whatnot.
39:27
Speaker 2: Do you recall now what some of those earlier keynotes
39:32
Speaker 2: were about.
39:33
Speaker 1: What most of them were about were just remembering your
39:37
Speaker 1: worth and standing in your power and also taking care
39:43
Speaker 1: of yourself through it all.
39:45
Speaker 2: When we talk about someone coming into their own power,
39:51
Speaker 2: what does that really mean?
39:54
Speaker 1: It means showing up as you are, without shame and
40:00
Speaker 1: without guilt.
40:01
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about just the idea of having shame over
40:07
Speaker 2: you know who it is that we are as people,
40:10
Speaker 2: and I think that as someone who has a lot
40:15
Speaker 2: of people following along with her, you have probably had
40:19
Speaker 2: to do many exercises yourself, working on setting aside whatever
40:27
Speaker 2: shame you may have, or finding some way not to
40:30
Speaker 2: worry about the judgments of others. Talk to me about
40:36
Speaker 2: what that has looked like for you, it looks I.
40:40
Speaker 1: Don't know, it doesn't it doesn't look too brilliant or
40:47
Speaker 1: magical or I know sometimes people have like intense answers
40:56
Speaker 1: for certain things. For me, I really don't. I think
41:03
Speaker 1: being able to show up without shame or guilt is
41:09
Speaker 1: an extension of our human experience and giving ourselves grace
41:14
Speaker 1: and self forgiveness. And I've released a lot of the
41:20
Speaker 1: shame that I carry that I have carried in the past.
41:23
Speaker 1: And I noticed as I was doing some of my
41:26
Speaker 1: soul work and my therapy and my writing practice, is
41:29
Speaker 1: that a lot of the emotional baggage and shame and
41:33
Speaker 1: guilt that I had in my emotional suitcase is what
41:37
Speaker 1: I like to call it when I'm talking to my students,
41:41
Speaker 1: was not mine to carry in the first place. So
41:45
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of unpacking and repacking what belongs
41:52
Speaker 1: and what doesn't. And because we are human, of course
41:57
Speaker 1: we're gonna have moment. We're gonna have shameful moments or
42:00
Speaker 1: embarrassing moments or regretful moments, and that doesn't define us.
42:08
Speaker 1: Our missteps don't always have to define us. Our shameful
42:15
Speaker 1: moments aren't the only thing in our story that deserves
42:23
Speaker 1: to be spoken about or seen, you know. So it's
42:27
Speaker 1: a really delicate balance of showing up authentically and also
42:33
Speaker 1: remembering that you might have a shameful moment, you might
42:37
Speaker 1: have something in your past that you really freaking regret,
42:41
Speaker 1: but to just take it easy on yourself. And when
42:44
Speaker 1: I learned to take it easy on myself, even when
42:49
Speaker 1: things felt really big or heavy or hard, there was
42:53
Speaker 1: some wiggle room to see the light at the end
42:55
Speaker 1: of the tunnel.
42:57
Speaker 2: I would imagine that it was probably a little bit
42:59
Speaker 2: hot hard to see the light at the end of
43:02
Speaker 2: the tunnel. When it came to having your second child,
43:06
Speaker 2: I know you've spoken openly about the difficulties that came
43:10
Speaker 2: hand in hand with that. I'd love it if you
43:13
Speaker 2: could share a little bit about that experience. And you're
43:17
Speaker 2: now Rainbow Baby, as you call her.
43:21
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Aila just turned three actually on the twenty.
43:27
Speaker 2: Fourth, happy belated. I always ask my friends that are
43:33
Speaker 2: mom's this When your kids have a birthday? Does it
43:37
Speaker 2: also feel a little bit like your day or is
43:40
Speaker 2: it just their day?
43:42
Speaker 1: No, it's definitely both days. Yeah, And for us it's
43:48
Speaker 1: really special. We had some fertility issues. My husband had
43:53
Speaker 1: male factor in fertility, where in a nutshell, his sperm
43:59
Speaker 1: was low and low is what they call it, and
44:02
Speaker 1: we just could not get pregnant. And we tried and
44:05
Speaker 1: tried for almost a year, and then we got pregnant,
44:11
Speaker 1: but that ended in a miscarriage and we were back
44:15
Speaker 1: to square one, and we would then try another two
44:18
Speaker 1: years to conceive and nothing. So we ended up having
44:25
Speaker 1: IVF for Isla. So they had to work their magic
44:30
Speaker 1: with my egg and his low and slow sperm and
44:34
Speaker 1: they made her little beautiful self in a petri dish
44:38
Speaker 1: and then inserted her into my body, which was the
44:41
Speaker 1: wildest experience. Science is so wild, but extremely emotional and
44:50
Speaker 1: stretching experience for my husband and I like it. Really,
44:54
Speaker 1: the infertility itself almost just tore us apart. Not in divorce,
45:01
Speaker 1: but like emotionally we were just like, oh my god,
45:05
Speaker 1: like this is so much miscarriage and healing from loss
45:09
Speaker 1: and then still trying to get this baby and then
45:11
Speaker 1: like having to have fertility support to get her. It
45:15
Speaker 1: was challenging, and we were young. We were very young,
45:20
Speaker 1: so of course people would like look at us kind
45:22
Speaker 1: of sideways when we walked into the fertility clinic and
45:25
Speaker 1: it was just it was odd, but it taught us
45:30
Speaker 1: so much about patience. So we had Aila and she
45:37
Speaker 1: was the light of our life, me and her big
45:39
Speaker 1: sister and my husband, and it was just amazing and awesome.
45:43
Speaker 1: And we were told, you know, whenever you're ready, you
45:46
Speaker 1: have five more embryos come back. And we were planning
45:50
Speaker 1: on having another baby the month our little daughter, our
45:58
Speaker 1: new baby, our youngest was born. I keep calling her
46:00
Speaker 1: new baby. She's sixteen months, she's not new, but our
46:04
Speaker 1: youngest daughter was born. We were planning on trying again
46:08
Speaker 1: the month she was actually born, so that was interesting
46:13
Speaker 1: getting that surprise. I was on the phone with my
46:16
Speaker 1: nurse the day before talking about getting the embryos tested
46:20
Speaker 1: and making our appointments to do the IVF round again
46:23
Speaker 1: and getting all the scheduling in, and I had to
46:25
Speaker 1: call her back, I think a week later and tell
46:28
Speaker 1: her just kidding, and she was like, what's going on?
46:32
Speaker 1: Everything okay? And I said, oh, yeah, we're pregnant, and
46:35
Speaker 1: the team everyone was so happy, and me and my
46:39
Speaker 1: husband were so happy because we had thought for so
46:42
Speaker 1: long that just how you make a baby the regular
46:45
Speaker 1: way wasn't going to happen for us, but the fact
46:48
Speaker 1: that it happened for us randomly, it's still laughable. Like
46:53
Speaker 1: we still talk about it like it happened yesterday, Like
46:55
Speaker 1: we'll look at Maxie and be like, what are you
46:59
Speaker 1: even doing here? Like you had other plans and it
47:03
Speaker 1: was And that was also really beautiful because we had
47:06
Speaker 1: It was just a celebratory moment of like I don't
47:09
Speaker 1: know of love and ease, an alignment and that we
47:16
Speaker 1: can overcome, Like we've overcome some hard things, and infertility
47:20
Speaker 1: was definitely one of them.
47:29
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48:48
Speaker 2: highlighted in that recount of what happened that even the
48:54
Speaker 2: most difficult, emotionally testing thing. You said, but we learned
49:02
Speaker 2: a lot of patience from this, And I think that's
49:06
Speaker 2: really important because oftentimes in the struggle, we're so focused in,
49:13
Speaker 2: you know, trying to stay afloat that we forget to
49:17
Speaker 2: take a step back and look at what this adversity
49:20
Speaker 2: is giving us. Right.
49:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's hard, Don't get me wrong. There
49:25
Speaker 1: was many of nights where it was hard. It was hard.
49:30
Speaker 1: Infertility is hard. That's the really that's really the only
49:34
Speaker 1: word that I can I can say. But being on
49:36
Speaker 1: the other side of it with these with the double
49:40
Speaker 1: rainbow is wild, and we're grateful and we know that
49:47
Speaker 1: we are truly blessed by our kids.
49:52
Speaker 2: Any advice for any other fellow mamas that are dealing
49:57
Speaker 2: with two babies so close in a.
50:00
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, breathe through it, because there are some
50:07
Speaker 1: moments in here where it's like, wow, this is life,
50:12
Speaker 1: this is wild, this is intense, and we all have
50:16
Speaker 1: to come back home to our breath, me, my husband,
50:19
Speaker 1: and the three kids. So yeah, just pace, breathe through it.
50:23
Speaker 1: You're doing the best you can, especially in this pandemic.
50:27
Speaker 1: It's really challenging with little ones and not having our
50:32
Speaker 1: you know, typical activities and things. It's challenging. So I
50:37
Speaker 1: just want the parents out there to just give yourself
50:39
Speaker 1: some grace. It's okay.
50:42
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you now about building boundaries.
50:48
Speaker 2: I can safely say that boundary making. Building boundaries was
50:54
Speaker 2: something that I don't even want to say like I
50:57
Speaker 2: excel at it now, let's like not exaggerate, but it
51:00
Speaker 2: was something that I had a lot of trouble doing
51:04
Speaker 2: without feeling guilt or shame until probably the last couple
51:09
Speaker 2: of years when someone comes to you and they say
51:14
Speaker 2: to you that kind of same sentiment that they don't
51:18
Speaker 2: know how to put up boundaries, that they're a compassionate
51:21
Speaker 2: person and they want to go out of their way
51:23
Speaker 2: to help people, and in that they neglect themselves. Like,
51:27
Speaker 2: what do you say to them or what advice do
51:29
Speaker 2: you have to offer to someone who feels as though
51:31
Speaker 2: they're just not good at putting up boundaries.
51:36
Speaker 1: Practice creates ritual. You have to practice setting boundaries, You
51:42
Speaker 1: have to practice honoring your own boundaries. And it's not
51:46
Speaker 1: going to happen overnight. It's nothing more than practice and
51:51
Speaker 1: exercising your voice, naming your needs, and being very clear
51:57
Speaker 1: about what those boundaries are you, yourself and others.
52:01
Speaker 2: For you, What would you say professionally? First, personal life
52:07
Speaker 2: has been a boundary that you've had to exercise that
52:12
Speaker 2: has helped you be a better you.
52:15
Speaker 1: Not over committing good one, not over committing as major.
52:20
Speaker 1: And I actually had an instance last week where I
52:25
Speaker 1: had to like enforce my boundary and say it actually
52:29
Speaker 1: in an email, which was which was really interesting. I
52:34
Speaker 1: don't like if I say I can't do something, I
52:37
Speaker 1: don't normally have people come back and say, well, can
52:40
Speaker 1: you just give me five minutes, you know, like people
52:44
Speaker 1: normally honor that the you know, calendar is soul. I'm
52:48
Speaker 1: not taking on any new commitments. Thank you so much
52:50
Speaker 1: for your consideration. You know, it's it's pretty easy, but
52:54
Speaker 1: this person, she was persistent, and I had to say,
53:01
Speaker 1: this sounds so amazing, but I am committed to not
53:06
Speaker 1: over committing myself in twenty twenty one. I did that
53:08
Speaker 1: a lot in twenty twenty And I appreciate you in
53:12
Speaker 1: advance for accepting and honoring my boundary on that.
53:16
Speaker 2: Ooh, that language though, Alex the like I appreciate you
53:22
Speaker 2: for accepting my boundary. It becomes a non negotiable.
53:27
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it also I think that gave.
53:30
Speaker 2: Me chills because that was so well worded.
53:33
Speaker 1: Thank you.
53:35
Speaker 2: And I know that language isn't something that just like
53:37
Speaker 2: happens overnight. Like that language and like understanding the importance
53:40
Speaker 2: of your own boundaries is something that you have probably
53:43
Speaker 2: worked on for years now.
53:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm still working on. And that was really
53:47
Speaker 1: hard for me because if I would have gotten that
53:49
Speaker 1: email last year with someone really wanting some of my
53:53
Speaker 1: time and me saying no, and then them saying well please,
53:56
Speaker 1: I would have just done it, so I'm still aware
54:00
Speaker 1: in progress, but I I just couldn't do it this time.
54:02
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it this time. That's another
54:05
Speaker 1: thing too, is not saying yes to things that I
54:10
Speaker 1: do not really want to do. Because I was the
54:14
Speaker 1: queen of that too, just yes, sure yes, sign me up,
54:18
Speaker 1: sure yes, and then I the day before the event
54:22
Speaker 1: or the workshop or the phone call, I'm dreading it
54:26
Speaker 1: because I said yes. And my husband actually actually had
54:28
Speaker 1: to put this in perspective for me. He goes, well,
54:32
Speaker 1: you probably should stop saying yes to things that you
54:35
Speaker 1: don't really want to do, And I say, you know,
54:37
Speaker 1: you probably right, You are probably right.
54:41
Speaker 2: I mean, I think what's challenging about that though, and
54:44
Speaker 2: I can totally sympathize with where you're coming from. It's
54:47
Speaker 2: because a you want to be a people pleaser, but
54:51
Speaker 2: b it that lingering thought is always in the back
54:54
Speaker 2: of your mind is like is this going to be
54:57
Speaker 2: the thing that opens the door. And obviously sometime and
55:00
Speaker 2: it's very clear that some of these things that we're
55:02
Speaker 2: saying yes to you aren't going to be the thing
55:03
Speaker 2: that opens door. But that has definitely been my own
55:08
Speaker 2: personal issue is like what if this is the thing,
55:11
Speaker 2: and I'm passing up the thing.
55:13
Speaker 1: Hmm.
55:14
Speaker 2: Did you ever struggle with that?
55:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say early on for sure when I
55:19
Speaker 1: thought that, you know, I had. I just had to
55:22
Speaker 1: do things to kind of get in people's good graces.
55:27
Speaker 1: But I don't do that anymore because it's it's not
55:31
Speaker 1: it's not in alignment with being in my own good graces.
55:34
Speaker 2: What brings you joy? Right now?
55:36
Speaker 1: My air fryer?
55:38
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm what are your what are you air frying everything?
55:46
Speaker 1: Girl? No?
55:49
Speaker 2: But really give me something specific because I'm on the
55:52
Speaker 2: fence if I need one, But you're gonna tell.
55:53
Speaker 1: Me you need one. Yes. It cooks chicken, breast, chicken
55:57
Speaker 1: thighs in twenty minutes, crispy, amazing goodness, bacon six minutes.
56:03
Speaker 1: If you eat meat, sorry for your the non meat eaters,
56:05
Speaker 1: but I eat meat, asparagus. I'm gonna throw some veggies
56:09
Speaker 1: in there, kale, chips, salmon in twelve minutes. It is
56:15
Speaker 1: so wild. I just got it, clearly because I'm super
56:18
Speaker 1: pumped about it. But I've had it for maybe a month,
56:21
Speaker 1: and it makes cleanup so easy. You're cooking with less oil.
56:27
Speaker 1: It's delicious, tasty food and I love it like that
56:31
Speaker 1: really brings me joy deep joy Yoh.
56:35
Speaker 2: Someone that manufactures air fryers hit up Alex because she
56:39
Speaker 2: is ready for the ad read that is.
56:42
Speaker 1: An email I will answer too.
56:46
Speaker 2: Okay, aside from air frying, talk to me about twenty
56:49
Speaker 2: twenty one. What's on the horizon for you?
56:51
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Working on four new projects, two of
56:58
Speaker 1: which will be out in twenty twenty two, so that's exciting.
57:01
Speaker 1: I'm teaching virtually again, so I taught virtually quarterly all
57:06
Speaker 1: last year and I was able to reach over four
57:10
Speaker 1: thousand people, so that was really amazing having the course
57:13
Speaker 1: community of folks for their journaling work online, so I'll
57:17
Speaker 1: be doing that again. I just wrapped up Pathway to Peace,
57:20
Speaker 1: which is my Inner Child journaling course. That was the
57:22
Speaker 1: first kickoff of twenty twenty one. And the next course
57:26
Speaker 1: is called Healing Your Heart, which will start in March,
57:30
Speaker 1: and the wait list for that is open and I'm
57:33
Speaker 1: hoping to also when if it is safe to do so,
57:41
Speaker 1: maybe teach in person. But that of course is all
57:44
Speaker 1: contingent on the state of the world. So that's what
57:50
Speaker 1: I'm doing, writing and teaching, and that's it.
57:57
Speaker 2: For those that struggle to get into a regular journaling process. Obviously,
58:02
Speaker 2: we can definitely see that for you. It has helped
58:06
Speaker 2: immensely for those that have struggled to get into a
58:08
Speaker 2: regular journaling process, what would you suggest to them? What
58:14
Speaker 2: tip would you offer them to get started?
58:20
Speaker 1: Guided journaling is so much easier than sitting down with
58:24
Speaker 1: a blank page, So shameless plug here. I have guided
58:29
Speaker 1: journals out that I encourage you to use, but I
58:33
Speaker 1: also have freebies on my website. You can just download
58:36
Speaker 1: some writing practices to try. And if you're a newbie
58:41
Speaker 1: and you're like, journaling's really not my thing, I don't
58:43
Speaker 1: really want to sit down and answer these questions. Make
58:46
Speaker 1: a gratitude list. Every day, write down one thing you're
58:49
Speaker 1: grateful for, and by the end of the month you'll
58:52
Speaker 1: have a list that is beautiful and meaningful and a
58:59
Speaker 1: good reminder to stay in a grateful space, especially when
59:05
Speaker 1: things get challenging. So journaling and writing doesn't have to
59:09
Speaker 1: be this dear diary experience. It can be a refuge
59:16
Speaker 1: and something that brings you closer to yourself and offers
59:21
Speaker 1: you more clarity about the life you have.
59:25
Speaker 2: When someone goes to your Instagram page, they see your writings.
59:30
Speaker 2: They may see snippets of your life with your family.
59:33
Speaker 2: They see that you have over a million followers. Now,
59:36
Speaker 2: when you look in the mirror, what is it that
59:40
Speaker 2: you see looking back at you?
59:44
Speaker 1: I see a student of life. And I think a
59:50
Speaker 1: lot of folks look at people with platforms and books
59:55
Speaker 1: and everything right that they or we have it all
1:00:03
Speaker 1: figured out. We have these answers that they haven't quite
1:00:06
Speaker 1: yet gotten to, and I'm here to say that we
1:00:09
Speaker 1: don't that any I don't believe in being anyone else's expert.
1:00:13
Speaker 1: I mentioned that earlier, and any expert will tell will
1:00:17
Speaker 1: tell you that they know little to nothing, that there
1:00:20
Speaker 1: is always something more to learn, always something more to
1:00:24
Speaker 1: explore and to get curious about. So that is how
1:00:29
Speaker 1: I see myself. I see myself as a student of life,
1:00:32
Speaker 1: and I just hope that the lessons that I'm learning
1:00:34
Speaker 1: along the way and that I share will resonate and
1:00:38
Speaker 1: settle into the hearts of those that come across it.
1:00:42
Speaker 2: What they may not see on Instagram is you sitting
1:00:45
Speaker 2: in the closet recording this podcast.
1:00:48
Speaker 1: They may not see that. Well, they might see it
1:00:50
Speaker 1: all my stories. People are very familiar with my closet.
1:00:53
Speaker 3: Actually, oh man, oh man, Okay, I before I ask
1:00:59
Speaker 3: you the final question, I'd actually love and I've never
1:01:03
Speaker 3: done this before, but it just feels right in this
1:01:06
Speaker 3: moment because I have garnered so much inspiration and motivation
1:01:10
Speaker 3: from you over the last couple of years.
1:01:12
Speaker 2: Is there anything you feel compelled to say or to share.
1:01:19
Speaker 1: I feel compelled to say, do the hard thing. And
1:01:27
Speaker 1: I don't know what your hard thing is, but lean
1:01:32
Speaker 1: into it. Life is too short, It's the longest shortest time.
1:01:38
Speaker 1: And if the last year hasn't shown us that, I
1:01:43
Speaker 1: don't know what will. So don't start tomorrow, start today.
1:01:48
Speaker 1: Micro steps, micro steps, stop leaving yourself behind and show up.
1:01:58
Speaker 1: And sometimes that is the hardest thing ever to do,
1:02:03
Speaker 1: but you're worth it.
1:02:05
Speaker 2: Right now, Alex, you have an opportunity to offer that
1:02:12
Speaker 2: nineteen year old who was having some scary thoughts a
1:02:17
Speaker 2: piece of advice. Looking back on that hurdle moment, right now,
1:02:23
Speaker 2: what do you tell her?
1:02:26
Speaker 1: Don't give up on yourself.
1:02:30
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for saying yes to me, for
1:02:35
Speaker 2: giving me your time. I am so and I can't
1:02:39
Speaker 2: say it enough. Just grateful for the good that you're doing.
1:02:43
Speaker 2: Aligned with you and wanting to in whatever way I
1:02:47
Speaker 2: can help as many people as possible, and I know
1:02:49
Speaker 2: that I am certainly not the only one who who
1:02:53
Speaker 2: feels that way.
1:02:55
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Thank you so much, Emily, This was
1:02:58
Speaker 1: really great. Lex.
1:03:00
Speaker 2: How do the hurdlers keep up with you? How do
1:03:02
Speaker 2: they follow along with you? Where can they find your books?
1:03:06
Speaker 2: Give me all of the details.
1:03:09
Speaker 1: Okay, so Alex underscore L E L L E on Instagram.
1:03:14
Speaker 1: We'd love to have you join the community alexl dot
1:03:18
Speaker 1: com for book info and freebies for your writing practice.
1:03:26
Speaker 1: And my books are sold wherever books are sold. If
1:03:31
Speaker 1: you're looking for the Encourage journal that's out just the
1:03:35
Speaker 1: companion journal to my book After the Rain. It is
1:03:38
Speaker 1: actually in targets nationwide. You can pop into a target
1:03:42
Speaker 1: with your mask on safely while you're getting your toilet paper.
1:03:45
Speaker 1: Look in the book aisle and you will see Encourage
1:03:49
Speaker 1: and the Heygirl podcast where I am talking to some
1:03:53
Speaker 1: really awesome women about their stories.
1:03:58
Speaker 2: I love it. I am over at Emily a body
1:04:01
Speaker 2: an at Hurdle podcast, Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys
1:04:06
Speaker 2: next time.