Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / How To Train Your Kids In 1 Week (With Examples) ft. Grant & Kelly Stine

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How To Train Your Kids In 1 Week (With Examples) ft. Grant & Kelly Stine · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  I told the kids, hey, I just want to give you a heads up. We are going to start doing this. We are going to train on this. One week later, they were doing it every time.
• 0:14
  Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. Man, excited today to talk some more about training kids. This is, I think, one of the most practical things that we like to dive into through family teams. And if you guys were listening to last week's podcast, April and I did a whole podcast where we talked through kind of our history and some of our takeaways in the whole training world. We were doing that by looking at a playbook that was written by Grant and Kelly Stein, who are joining me today. Grant and Kelly, thank you guys so much for jumping on the podcast. Thank you for having us. Thanks for having us.
• 0:44
  Yeah, Grant's now part of Integrated, our mastermind for business-owning dads. One of the first conversations I ever had was Grant was kind of talking through some of the things he had done and what they had learned and how they'd implemented training. I just was so inspired by just what you guys have done in this area. So when we got to this part of the accelerator, I'm like, oh, I really would love to have the Steins as community coaches. So I'm so grateful you guys are willing to jump into the accelerator, help us out and help some family teams in this area.
• 1:14
  For those of you guys that don't know about the Accelerator, this is our program. Every month we have a different theme. This month is going to be all focused on training kids. So we just really, really want to be as helpful as possible. And so there are ways that will absolutely help your family get to a completely different level of peace if you understand how training works. And so the way that the Accelerator works is week one, we give you guys a playbook.
• 1:38
  So there's a kind of three plays that you will get to help implement training in your own household. Week two is a conversation with our community coaches, which is Grant and Kelly. You guys can jump on a Zoom call with them and talk through the story that you're going to hear them tell today in the podcast and any questions you guys have about training that they might be able to help you guys with.
• 1:59
  Week three, we share kind of a tutorial video that April and I are going to make around this whole topic of training. And then week four, we do a town hall where April and I and some of our kids jump on the Zoom and talk to you guys about whatever you want to talk about with regards to family. But we are all about training this month. And so I wanted Grant and Kelly for you guys to share a little bit about your story. Grant, we'll start with you and then go to Kelly. Kelly.
• 2:20
  So take me back to pre-training world in the Stein household. Yeah. Like tell me a little bit about, first of all, Kelly, why don't you introduce your family? And then Grant, I'm going to go to you and just you give me that picture. But yeah, Kelly, who's on your team? Okay. So Grant and I have a 10-year-old named Mariah, an eight-year-old Selah, a seven-year-old Noah, a five-year-old Judah, and a two-and-a-half-year-old Joshua. And then we also have one on the way.
• 2:50
  Oh, awesome. And you guys are located? In Dallas, Texas, a little bit east of there, Scarborough Garland, Texas. Okay. All right. So Grant, take me back to, yeah, what life was like pre the training world for your family, for you personally? That's a great question. So I think to really sum it up, we have to understand the difference between discipline and training.
• 3:10
  What we were doing, we were disciplining, but we weren't teaching our kids what we wanted them to do. Right. So for them, I think it was a bit of a whirlwind of like, they don't know what's expected of them. They don't know what's going to make mom and dad frustrated and what am I going to get in trouble for?
• 3:26
  Like, what's going on? Right. And it's because we had all these expectations, but they, well, maybe they were communicated. They weren't trained. We didn't teach them exactly what we wanted them to do. We didn't make sure they understood how we wanted them to do it. And then we didn't make it clear what would happen if they didn't. Right. And so for them, I think it was a bit, it was pretty inconsistent and kind of a whirlwind because it, I mean, it's just confusing. Doesn't make sense. And then for, I know for me...
• 3:52
  I was super inconsistent because I didn't have a system. The reaction didn't always match the stimulus. Like something small might have gotten a big reaction because I didn't know what the right thing to do was. And I didn't know why I was frustrated. And yeah, so for me, I was honestly just not super peaceful around discipline at all. And I think just the general state of our home was...
• 4:16
  frustrated kind of frustrated and we were exhausted i mean when we first started training we had four kids yeah we have four kids so you know we were already kind of there and just feeling really burnout in a lot of ways i see and i think what you're describing too in terms of the inconsistency you know the reality is for every family you are training your kids in some way it's just like they might be training around like
• 4:41
  okay, what kind of mood is dad in today? Okay, we can do it with this or that. And so they become trained in the masters of, okay, how to push our buttons, but not maybe go too far. How about you, Kelly? Tell me a little bit about kind of where you started in this process. Yeah, I think to even understand where we started, I think it's really crucial to understand that Grant actually...
• 5:08
  he believed that we as a family, like his wife and his children were in the way of what God was calling him to. That's a good point, yeah. Yeah, this is like the very basis of where it, yeah, the transformation, I feel like. And so when he, even through family revision and family teams, like recognizing like, oh, they're not in the way of what I'm called to, they are what I'm called to.
• 5:36
  And honestly, it changed everything. So I feel like I just have to mention that, even though it's kind of a great thing. It changed everything for our family. And so it's really important to understand. And that was such a blessing. And I think as fathers and mothers, when you recognize, like, this is the hard, holy work.
• 5:53
  And in being inconvenienced enough to train my kids is the good work. And this is what's going to be the most fruitful. And so for me, I think, honestly, it was just like, I just worry we're having more kids. It was like, this is only going to get like, it could get more chaotic and more individualistic, right? Because everyone's just like figuring out how do I stay alive for myself? And how do I do what I want to do when I want to do it? Instead of, hey, I'm not.
• 6:20
  Like there's some clear expectations here and we're being trained up into good things and we can trust our parents to be consistent and we get to do it together. Like we're working together. And when you win, we all win. And so I think that transition for me, it was just really helpful to go from like we're all just a bunch of individuals in a home to we're working together. We're cheering each other on. We're helping each other. We're encouraging each other.
• 6:47
  So in training and correction and all of that, we're together. Awesome. Yeah. So I've heard that for a lot of moms, you know, that it's almost like they are the way that our culture sort of.
• 7:03
  creates this situation because dads just inevitably are doing things outside the home, you know, a lot more when the mom's staying at home and having more children, there is this separation that occurs where she feels like she's sort of on an island. Okay. Are we on the same team? And so all of a sudden realize, man, like your husband sees the family team comes together, you know, that, that moment. And that's, that's the moment of course, that we live for in family team, just like,
• 7:30
  Seeing that camaraderie, see that team that already exists really get the attention it deserves and for particularly men, this often starts with a dad saying, I care about this team. This is my primary team. This is the team through which I'm going to do all the other things that God has called us to do.
• 7:48
  Now, once that happens, then oftentimes, you know, the reality of the frustration of the team itself, you know, all of a sudden, okay, I like this. I want to be part of this team. I want to lead this team. But, man, this, like, now we need to actually start the process of training the teammates. Like, let's actually start to move together. So that oftentimes, just like any sports, you know, if you've got a bunch of kids, imagine, like, yeah.
• 8:13
  Have you ever watched a sport where all the kids that are coming together to play a t-ball or whatever, none of them have ever played before? Like there's a big process you have to go through to get the teammates ready to play the game. So I'm curious for you guys, as you started this process of training, I'd love for this to get practical for everyone listening. So let's talk about what kind of the early wins, what did you guys try? You know, what worked? What worked?
• 8:36
  So, yeah, take me through kind of that early stage. So I would say, and you're going to hear this answer from me a lot. We have high vision. So I really got like a real biblical vision for training, but I also got help. Right. So I'm a big believer in coaching. So quite frankly, where we got a lot of our stuff from was from you and from Jeff.
• 8:56
  And the family team's, yeah, of course, skill of fatherhood was huge for us to help me get vision. But then also I just dove into the scriptures. I think the Proverbs are a great place to go to understand training and what the Bible has to say about it. So I spent a lot of time there. But I would say that the place we really started was me catching the vision.
• 9:15
  Us getting in unity on the vision and then communicating it clearly to our kids. Everything started there. And it was an expectation of what's coming. Like, hey, this is what I'm learning. This is what we see in God's word. This is where we're headed. Because I think an expectation is just so huge for kids. And so set a clear vision for who we were. It actually, during that time, we came up with our very simple family vision. So everything we do filters through this. You're going to love this. It's Stein's go for God's design.
• 9:42
  So it's very simple. It's very catchy. It's a great put your hands in. But really, like we rallied around that vision and recognizing, OK, what's God's design for marriage? What's God's design for gender? What's God's design for kids and training? I mean, really, you can filter everything through that question. And the answers are in the word. And then the practicals often come through community.
• 10:06
  And so by catching that vision and grabbing hold of a vision for our family of like, okay, what are we going after? That's where we started. And then very practically what we did. Oh, you have something I say? I think part of something that was really important in that process was once Grant got the vision and we got in unity, there was, when we sat the kids down to explain it, we also, there was a piece of repentance. Because we're like, hey, God has actually given us a command. Yeah.
• 10:31
  to do this for you and with you and train you up in the way you should go and into the likeness of Jesus. And mom and dad, we've done the best we can, but he's calling us up again. And so we just repented for that. And I think it did turn their hearts back to us. And that was really powerful in that process. Yeah. Yeah. It was really huge. Just taking responsibility for
• 10:52
  Hey, we all feel this. We all know what this is. And it's actually on us because we didn't do what God commanded. We didn't follow his design. And now we're reaping the chaos of that in our family. And repenting to them, apologizing, and then just reconciling as a family. Like, we are very big on, like, we forgive you kind of thing. And so doing that all together was huge.
• 11:13
  I think practically defining, like finding a big pain place, a lot of times you can recognize it's sometimes harder as a mom to recognize where things are going well or something super fruitful. But a lot of times we can recognize where something's really hard or frustrating. And so just recognizing pain places.
• 11:30
  with something practical and like, where are we even going to start? Because it can feel overwhelming. Like, I want so many things to be different. Like, where do we even start? And I think the phrase that you say a lot is like, okay, we're going to get the biggest return on our investment. And so that's where we started, I feel like. So very practically, we did, and you described it in the last podcast. You're going to listen to that. You'll check it out. But it's, and this is in the playbook too, is visual training boards. And so it's literally a...
• 11:57
  We're not fancy. It's like a poster board. I bought a big one. I cut it up into pieces and we drew on them. Demonstrate, drill, defend. One for every kid. So every kid has their own. We tried one big one actually at first and that didn't really work. It was kind of confusing. Actually, this is good. It was like on a wall that we didn't look at very often. And so it was definitely a false start with the first one. It's literally right here beside us. This is their dining room and they're on the wall right there. And we look at them and we're...
• 12:22
  We realized, you know, write division down so that he who runs may read it. And so we needed it in front of us regularly. But demonstrate, drill, defend. And we did sticky notes. And we started with one thing. And we trained everybody on the same thing at once. Actually...
• 12:37
  I'll start again because we actually tried. We were unsure. So we're like, let's do it. Right. And then we're like, again, all these things that I want to be different. So we actually tried training on too many things. So just a little nubbit. You don't want to try to train on too many things at once because it is overwhelming for the kid.
• 12:55
  Right. It's too much for them. And then it's also really hard to keep up with as a mom or as a father. But like, wait, what are we training who on? And so then from there. Yeah. From there, we did one thing and everybody was on the same thing. Yeah. And with that demonstrate, drill, defend, we had a reward system in place. So for us, we did a marble system. So there's like a big bucket of marbles and everybody has their own little bucket of marbles. And then we have a reward chart and our reward charts pretty awesome.
• 13:21
  It goes from like five marbles all the way. Now we're at 150 marbles. But, you know, five would be like maybe you get like a little sucker or a balloon, like small stuff. Whereas like 75, we go to the trampoline park as a family. And on the big ones, we always win as a team. Like when somebody turns it in, everybody gets to do it. On the smaller ones, it's more an individual kind of what you got. Yeah.
• 13:45
  But we started with the Marvel system and we started once we kind of figured out about training one thing all together. That's the first thing we successfully trained on, is what I would say. And what that was, was keeping our kids in their room. Really, I think it was in their bed, but maybe in the room. In their bed. Till 7 a.m.
• 14:02
  So we identified the biggest pain point for us initially was we had kids coming into our bed at five in the morning and into our room and disrupted workout routines. It disrupted sleep. It disrupted time with the Lord. And like those are just precious hours for us. And so we trained them staying in their room. So very practically what that looked like was we pretended that it was early in the morning and they were tired.
• 14:27
  in their beds and they were trying to come out and we role played it. Right. And so I think demonstrating is always role play for us. And we do it like probably too many times, like a lot of times, like we just, we role play and we role play, we role play. And then we always do one kind of like silly where we're disobeying, like Kelly and I will do it. And everybody gets a good laugh and we all see how ridiculous it is to disobey. And we kind of dive back in. So we would demonstrate it. And then we,
• 14:55
  If it's okay, I'm just going to keep going very practically, like on this system, we would demonstrate it. And then drill for us is usually like a specified period of time, like a couple of weeks where they are getting a lot of marbles in and a lot of marbles out as we're training something. And then for us, what we do is we do kind of like a celebration, like graduation, like you are trained thing and they get a five marble bonus. Yeah.
• 15:20
  And we move it to defend. But once it's in defend, you can only lose. You can never earn for it again. You've mastered it. You've mastered it. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's a great idea. So that's just kind of practically how that's played out for us. We typically have a couple of weeks where we're working on something specific that we're training. And we call that the drill period, maybe extra demonstrating, especially with the younger kids during work.
• 15:39
  During that period, Grant has done a great job of either, depending on the season, like in the morning at breakfast or at dinner, he'll repetitively ask them, okay, what are you being trained on? And so then they're repeating it back to us. And so they know the expectation and they know what they're working on and it's put before them each day so that they're aware and they can keep going for it.
• 16:03
  Yeah, man. I just feel like this is even hearing this gets me excited as a dad. We're in a drill season and you're earning marbles. We're all cheering for you. We're in a defend season. I know that you know how to do this, but if you start doing something that I would think to discipline you on, but I realize I haven't trained you, bam, I just go back to demonstrate, then drill, then defend. And then that's where the discipline comes in.
• 16:26
  Just that clarity, that peace. Imagine being a kid in a family like that. It's just like, I think so many people have, it's a charred, confusing childhoods. But I mean, that is so clear. People will look at a board and say, wow, I know exactly what my parents are asking for me. I know exactly how to behave.
• 16:42
  And if I start doing something new that is way out of bounds, but they can see I don't know what I'm doing, they will teach me. Like my dad will sit down and help me figure out how to do this. And then if I'm kind of getting out of control, he'll also reign me. It's like this just feels like so much peace. I love the way you guys are doing this. I love how clear each of those steps are as well, like in how things get celebrated. The idea of a graduation.
• 17:05
  That is so good. I love that. And how fun that is for your kids to go, okay, well, we've mastered this thing. And now I know how to do it. And you can, everybody, again, just the incredible clarity. Because that was really big. Staying in the room till 7 a.m. By the way, I mean, for a lot of people listening to this, I love, Kelly, you're saying, like, just start with the pain points, like figure out something that is really hard right now.
• 17:27
  And get some of that return on investment early in this process so you have the energy to keep going. Because this might sound to a lot of people exhausting, but really, it'll start paying back much faster. What would you say, Kelly, to somebody who's like, who mom's like, oh, I'm already tired. This sounds like a lot of work. First, I would say it is.
• 17:49
  It is a lot of work and I would guarantee you it's worth it. Like, I don't know what I'm guaranteeing you besides the fruit of peace and which what's the scripture? It says...
• 18:03
  It's full fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by. Yeah. So just a quick example. I remember having this revelation of like, all of a sudden, this is one year ago. All of a sudden I was like, I actually do really want my kids to say yes, ma'am. And yes, sir. I think for me, I recognized they need to remember that.
• 18:22
  who their authority is. Like we were having some issues with that. And it just feels like an honor thing. And I feel like a lot of our, just in our culture and generationally, we've lost honor for the older generations. And so I just all of a sudden was like, I just really want this. And so literally I just told the kids, hey, I just want to give you a heads up. We are going to start doing this. We are going to train on this. One week later, they were doing it every time. Wow.
• 18:51
  And so just, I just, that's my example for like the fruit is so sweet and it's so worth it. I would always acknowledge to you, it is hard and it's the best thing you can do. Yeah. Yeah.
• 19:03
  And I would say one thing I want to point out, Annette, because I know you're asking for moms who are feeling tired, but it's actually our responsibility as a father to lead the charge in this in marriage, especially if you work outside of the home too, is, all right, I have all these great ideas. Can you go execute them for me? Can you go live this out? And so that is the reality a lot of times. And so there's got to be a lot of vision and there's got to be like a really strong backstop for your wife.
• 19:28
  So this kind of brings up the point of like early on, I feel like we were running into, you know, like seven times in a row somebody would...
• 19:36
  go against what we were training and just take a bunch of marbles out. And it was like, how do we escalate this? Like, what's the next step? Like, it can be really exhausting when you, you know, hit some rebellion. I think we also learned this from you, Jeremy, was we put in a system. So it was like, you know, if it's a consistent problem in a day, we escalate to something called a chore jar. And it's something they can do right away. They pull a chore. It's written on a piece of paper. Yeah.
• 20:00
  trick here you can also put the piece of paper that says mercy in there and then they pull what can they get mercy you actually can preach it and go hey you're not getting what you deserve that's just like what jesus did for us like it'd be really cool that was fun yeah it was really fun and they're always looking for mercy looking for mercy there i would be far yeah
• 20:19
  That's amazing. Right. So, yeah, we would escalate. And then for us, too, we would have a final escalation, which was we actually do spank. That's part of our discipline process. So, you know, marbles out. If that wasn't working, chores. We usually do like two chores. And then from there, we would escalate to actually spanking and discipline. I would always do that. We early on, we had her doing that as well. And it just wasn't working if she was doing that. Yeah.
• 20:46
  I bring that up to be like the backstop. Like, you know, it's really important dad. I get it. It's, it's crazy how much they respect and honor and just kind of do things differently for dad than they do for mom. And so I would just really encourage father's husbands. Like this is, this is on you, like step up, like, and step into this. I think that for dads, we have to provide.
• 21:08
  This sense of like, you will not overthrow the order in this family. Usually for our kids, they just had to know that I was taking it that seriously. And then something happened and the kids would change. But if they thought there was a way they could overthrow, they could find ways to overthrow my wife. They really could not figure out a way to overthrow me. And once they gave up on that, that's that piece you were described. Like, oh.
• 21:31
  And they want that. Like, that's what's ironic is that their flesh wants to overthrow the mom and the dad, but their spirit desperately wants to live in a place of peace and order and love. And so there's a war going on inside of them as well. And this is what's really frustrating about the way that culture oftentimes talks about this. They're always asking this basic question about what do you want? And,
• 21:53
  We need you to express your individual. What part of you are you talking to? People want different things, right? People want to eat ice cream and they want to lose weight. And so everyone is like, we're all a mess of desires. And so the problem is ordering our desires properly, right? And this is where a father backstop, it does something to kids. It causes them to find that place within themselves, right?
• 22:16
  to be properly ordered. And that creates that peace, that shalom in the home that is so priceless. One of the things that you mentioned, Kelly, about the yes ma'am, yes sir. So when you have a training system
• 22:29
  one of the cool things that starts to happen is that because you are proactively training your children, you can create whatever kind of culture in your home you want. Like what, what, what do you as parents want? Do you care about honor? Do you want to make that a part of like something that's core to your family? Well, now you can train your kids in it. So many parents, because they don't have a training system, they've never even seen a family with a training system. They think that they're completely at the mercy of the, of the broader culture. Does the broader culture care about honor?
• 22:56
  No. Okay. Well, I guess my kids will never care about honor then. I was like, that's not true. Like, but you do have to have a training system. If you want to take something and say like, look, we, we understand you guys. We understand that nobody out there really cares. We understand that your friends might think this is weird. We don't care. Like, you know, Steins go with what God's design, right? So we think God made like this sense of honor in the home. We're going to bring that in. Here's the vehicle we're going to use. And then you train your kids in it and bam, like now, right.
• 23:24
  That is a part of your family's culture. And so this is the kind of night and day different, you know, thing. So, well, I wanted you guys to, to like drill into, one of the things you mentioned, this 7 a.m. was kind of where you got kind of that initial, like return on the investment of the time and energy of proactive training.
• 23:40
  But as we were talking earlier, you guys were saying that transitions were really kind of a highlighted place where you realized you needed to have training routines around how to go through that. So I'd love for you guys to process that. Kelly, tell me a little bit about what you were experiencing and then Grant, I'd love to hear kind of what you did.
• 23:58
  Yeah, so I was just, one day I was realizing I just act crazy, for lack of a better word. When we're transitioning from the house to the car, or even like the playground, we're done there, let's get back in the car, or bedtime time.
• 24:15
  internally was just horrible. And I didn't like that, obviously. People talk about bedtime being a sweet time, and I'm like, man, I haven't experienced that in a lot of years. And so I realized, okay, there's got to be a better way.
• 24:31
  And I think I randomly heard this lady who had 10 kids just say, like, so we have a routine. And I was like, obviously knowing, oh, we train. So why couldn't we train a routine? I could just tell them bedtime is these early routine is really the main one. Leave routine means you get your shoes on, you fill up your water, you check your body, you know.
• 24:57
  Do you need to go potty? But that also could mean, do you need a jacket? You know, whatever else for the weather. And then do you have a buddy? So once you're done, you need to check on your buddy. So then I would just have to say, leave routine. And then they would do it. And so, of course, we walked them through, what do we expect? What does that look like? And again, honestly, I was shocked.
• 25:18
  How long it didn't take. Like they really latched on. And again, they knew their expectations and they liked knowing that they liked to knowing I get to do this and we'll get to go to the park or we'll get to go to swimming or whatever it is. So anything else?
• 25:34
  That's really good. So we found basically, she came to me with like, I'm exhausted with bedtime with because it's hey, get dying for kids, five kids, get your shoes, get your water, go to the bathroom, you know, like, that's a lot of commands. It's a lot to hold in your brain. It's a lot to make sure happens.
• 25:52
  Because she's like the master of logistics, right? And to take all of that and train it one time. Well, I mean, I think a lot of moms can understand just the sheer volume of decisions that have to be made in a day. And so to take that and, for lack of a better word, standardize it and go, I have one command and I know what to do. It brought so much order, peace. It was so helpful. So several routines we've trained, we've done a bedtime routine.
• 26:17
  They know exactly what it means. They're actually written down. They're just posted up on the side of the fridge. So if anybody ever needs to reference, but they really know at this point, we have a lever routine, we have our kids go to school two days a week, we do like a hybrid model. And so we have a school routine. So we have all these specific routines for things that were hard to get a bunch of people to do. Yeah. And training, um, looked very similar. Like they already knew how to do a lot of those things individually.
• 26:42
  So if I told them to fill up their water or get their shit, like they didn't know how to do that. And then it was just a matter of linking them together. I would say that's probably highest ROI of anything we've done is training routines. Yeah. And I think it does like an adding benefit is that it brings in that teamwork because they're not just worried about themselves and getting themselves ready, but then they're helping someone else once they are ready. And that's been sweet just to see the teamwork that happens with that.
• 27:09
  This is going to be with the younger ones. Well, one of the things that happens with training is that without training, the larger the family is, the more chaos. With training, the larger the family, sometimes the less chaos. Because now you start overwhelming the chaos because your older kids are trained and they can actually talk to the younger kids, which helps reinforce their training, helps them become more teammate.
• 27:29
  And so everyone starts to experience this team dynamic more and more. And I love how you guys are doing your celebrations and some of those bigger rewards as being a full team thing. I mean, this is, this stuff's really, really helpful. So, so a lot of people listen to this, that you stop having kids because you're like, you know,
• 27:45
  There's too much chaos, and so many people decide not to bring new, precious members onto the team and prevent it because they don't know how to overcome the chaos, and they're already so exhausted. And that's part of what we just want to tell you guys is there's...
• 28:00
  There is so much hope for how to overcome that. But we need to help each other, understand some of these ancient things that have always been a part of families, but we've really forgotten in a world that's obsessed with just individual self-expression, just do whatever, all my kids just to be as wild and crazy and whatever that part of their personality, that is all something that we all just need to endlessly absorb. That's a total misunderstanding of the human condition.
• 28:26
  Like we kids need this help and, and imagine the rest of their lives. They're going to know how to get up. They're going to know how to leave. They're going to know how to go to bed. I mean, these are great things to train your kids to have. This is, this is training that many adults today are struggling with terribly because they've been for so many years practicing a very kind of like flesh based impulse centered way of living. And so to be in a home where those things are constantly being worked on.
• 28:51
  For the sake of something greater, that's a beautiful privilege. So this is really helpful. I want to give you guys each a chance to say one last thing. Anything as you imagine people listening to this who are maybe not experiencing this, any last word of hope or any last tips that come to mind? Kelly, we'll start with you. And then Grant, what are some things that we can say as we kind of close up this episode?
• 29:11
  Yeah, I think as we're all sharing, the thing that keeps coming to mind is Psalm 16. It says, the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. I'm just picturing like training is like guardrails, expectations. All of that is like it's the guardrails of the pasture, if you will, like if you're a sheep. And I think...
• 29:34
  Freedom is doing whatever we want, whenever we want. And actually, freedom is when I live within the boundary lines, I'm free to be exactly who God made me to be. And when we hold the vision and the standard that the Lord has given us in the Word, we're going to see our kids come alive because they know the expectations that they're going to be.
• 29:55
  And they're going to live more full lives because of it. Like this training is aiding them and living into who God made them to be. And it's worth it. That's really well said. Yeah, there's there's such a weird definition of freedom. You know, those boundary lines give freedom.
• 30:12
  G.K. Chesterton, he has this kind of famous thought experiment about a group of children like playing on a cliff. And he said, are they more free if there is a fence so they can't fall off where they would be playing all the way to the boundaries of that area? Or are they more free if you take the fence away? And then the kids just sort of cluster in the middle because they're always afraid. Yeah.
• 30:31
  And I feel like what we're talking about is like building that fence so the kids can be free to explore the entire area and not have to cluster together, you know, out of fear or because of that chaos. So, yeah, that's a great verse. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. That's beautiful. Grant, what about you? Really, really well said. One thing I'll touch on here, and I don't even think this made it into the playbook, was, and you hit on it earlier with honor.
• 30:55
  Is, you know, we're talking about behaviors now. We're talking about routines. Where you get to, which is super cool, is starting to train values, right? The things that the kingdom values, the values that we have as a family. And a lot of times that's practically lived out through behavior. But I think I'm going to point out kind of one thing that we've done that has been a game changer for us. We do these greetings with our kids. Kelly had to have a greeting. And then our kids have one for each other. So like Kelly and I, it's, this is holy work.
• 31:22
  And we say, we try to say it to each other every day. It's just a reminder, like in the mundane of changing a diaper or whatever it is, this is holy work. This is the work that God has called us to. And then for our kids, theirs it is, I like you and I love you. And I'm glad you're on my team. And they say it to each other every day. We have our five-year-old is, he loves it. He gets up and he goes around and he tells everybody, I like you and I love you. I'm glad you're on my team. Yeah.
• 31:45
  And I can't emphasize enough how important language is in the home and in the culture. And even just that transition. It's like when we have sibling conflict, like it always ends with a hug and I like you and I love you. I'm glad you're on my team. It's just this reinforcing of like, not only is this like, you know, a requirement that you're my sibling, but I actually like you. And we're on the same team. We're going after the same thing.
• 32:08
  And we got that out of... Kelly, can you remind me the scripture that it comes from? I think Paul says, like, greet one another with a holy kiss. And songs, hymn, spiritual songs. And so we were taking that, like, okay, what does it look like to... Like, what would it look like to give each other a holy kiss? And then we came up with these phrases. It's just like...
• 32:26
  affectionate but like encouraging and life-giving thing yeah and i just say that to say you know we have to train them to do that and it's actually training the values of things we care about the most in the family and you know once you get a level of peace in your home from training behaviors then you can start training even bigger things like values of the kingdom and you know how to pray for people and how to like yes other things more yeah yes yes
• 32:51
  Yeah. Yeah. This is about mission. That's why we say God's designed for family is a multi-generational team on mission. The early training, these behavior elements you're describing are just, that's just getting started. We actually have a game that God wants us to play with him, you know, through and with our family. And so we want to get on that field. We want to actually score. We want to be a part of the mission.
• 33:12
  a lot of our training was like this desire to take our kids on mission with us and that we wanted to do this together, but we couldn't do that if we were constantly like wrestling with these behavior things. So yeah, this is the behavior stuff is really a means to an end. The end is like, is this relationship, this piece and the mission that,
• 33:29
  that we get to lead our families on. So thank you guys so much for doing this. This is going to be such a key month for the accelerator. So for those guys listening, if you are interested in jumping in, you have a few more days. We closed the cart after the month so that we could just focus with whoever's in there. If you go to familyteams.com, click on our resources, click on the accelerator, you can sign up that way. Also, if you just go to familyteams.com slash train, you'll get those 12 tips that Grant and Kelly have written.
• 33:55
  a PDF for you guys. And so you can get that. And that'll also take you straight to the accelerator link. If you guys want to sign up and join us and join the Steins as they're going to be leading our community coaching. Thank you guys so much for the playbook and for the podcast. And I'm so excited for what everyone's going to get a chance to interact with you guys in a couple of weeks in the accelerator. I appreciate you guys jumping on here today. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks so much. This was fun.
• 34:18
  Thank you for listening to the Family Teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend. To stay up to date with our events, new content, and products, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Family Teams.