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Inside My Mind! I Would Study My Friends Because I Was Jealous of Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what happens when a narcissist is jealous of their
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  friends, family members, or whoever, right?
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  Jealous of you? They could be jealous of you.
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  Your partner could be jealous of you, your narcissistic partner,
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  ex, or whatever could be jealous of you.
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  So what happens then? What goes, what goes on?
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  What's going on inside the mind of a narcissist when they're
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  jealous of you? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all? Of course, if you're new here,
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  Lee Hammock diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom boom boom, boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back y'all.
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  Before we hop deep in today's episode, make sure you check out
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  my kids book. It's called Remember It's Not
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  Your Fault. It's available on Amazon.
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  Check it out. It's a good conversation starter
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  to open up the conversations with your kids, your young kids,
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  about body positivity, toxic relationship dynamics and self
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  love. Remember it's not your fault on
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  Amazon. Thanks but y'all old jealousy.
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  Y'all seem to like these story times.
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  I I got so many stories off because I'm 40 years old and I'm
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  still making stories now as we go that here's another one for
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  y'all. How what happens?
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  What happens when I'm jealous of my friends?
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  So I have a yeah I back in my day when I had a bunch of
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  friends. I know y'all watched my recent
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  video about how I've been cutting all my friends off.
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  But before I start cutting people off, I was a jealous mess
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  with my friends and I was not cutting people off that I was
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  jealous of. Now, there are a lot of
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  narcissists that will absolutely cut you off if they're jealous
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  of you, If you're doing better than them, they will slice you
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  out of their life immediately. Immediately.
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  I'm not one of them though. I'm the type of narcissist
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  that'll be jealous and jealous of their friends and keep them
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  around because I want to learn from you.
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  I want to become more like you. I want to kind of like
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  assimilate into your life. I want what you have, so I want
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  to be around you. I want to observe you.
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  I want to analyze you and break you down to your core level so I
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  can possibly be more like you. I'm not the just say to me.
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  And for me, right here, there's the difference between jealousy
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  and envy, right? To me, envy means that like
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  jealousy and envy, not the same thing.
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  To me, jealousy means I have some type of feelings towards
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  you. Whatever.
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  I don't maybe I don't think maybe I want what you have,
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  right? Envy means I want what you have.
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  You don't deserve it. So I'm trying to replace you.
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  That's the difference to be that's that's the difference
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  right there for me, right. Jealousy.
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  OK, a little jealousy can motivate you to do better,
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  become a better person. Envy means I'm trying to take
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  your own up out of here. I'm trying to replace you.
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  If it's a if a if it's an envy situation at a job that I want.
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  I want you to get fired so I can take your job.
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  I want to take your wife. I want to, I want to be, I want
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  to take your husband. That's envy, right To me.
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  So I was jealous. Now the envious narcissist,
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  we'll talk about that later. But the jealous narcissist like
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  myself, I want to be around you. It makes me uncomfortable to be
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  around you, but I like it because that makes that makes me
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  mean. That means I have room to grow.
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  There's a friend, right? I'll call him.
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  I'll call him Bron. No, not Bron.
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  I would call him. I was going to say Matt, but I
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  actually have a friend named Matt.
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  I want people to get confused. They watch the video.
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  We're going to call him. We got him Marcus right Marcus.
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  So I have a Fred named Marcus just super out.
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  Just Marcus is also a narcissist though.
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  Outlandish loud ass narcissist, loud boisterous over.
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  He's an overt narcissist if you've ever seen one of your
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  life. I'm more of a covert narcissist
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  who who can be over if necessary, but Marcus is an
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  absolute overt narcissist. You if you met him in real life,
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  you would be like damn that's a narcissist right there.
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  He doesn't even try to hide it because he doesn't care.
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  He thinks so if you, if I'm a narcissist and you deal with me,
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  this is what you get. Like you're if I'm a narcissist
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  and you're choosing to actively deal with me or have me in your
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  life, this is what you get. That's that's the type of
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  mentality he has. But his, his nature, his loud,
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  boisterous nature is what attracted me to him because we
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  used to work together, right? And they always just compare me
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  and him. You know, he's a different race,
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  right? He'd be like, but y'all just
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  like y'all act like y'all both fast.
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  Y'all do both do both do that. I'm like cool.
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  So me and him actually became cool, really good friends to
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  hang all the time, party together, all kinds of stuff,
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  right? Take we used to travel together
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  sometimes. It was crazy insanity, right?
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  But he was so loud and boisterous and outgoing.
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  I loved it. I was jealous of it, but I loved
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  that about him. So I like, how do I be more like
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  you? So I studied them, I would take
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  a look at it. I would just watch him because I
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  was jealous of it. I was jealous of his loudness.
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  Now some, some of the stuff like that, I wasn't jealous because
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  he was insane. They would do some crazy stuff
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  like I don't want to do that, right?
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  Hell no. I'm jealous of some of the stuff
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  you doing. That's not one of them, right.
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  So does I like the loudness? I like the the carefree attitude
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  that they have. But his carefree attitude would
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  get him into trouble because he didn't care.
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  He was too carefree, right? I wanted to be carefree with,
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  with with limitations. So I would just study him.
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  I would be around jealous of him.
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  Still friends? Yeah, I wasn't doing anything.
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  Sabotagers, man. You got loan that man money not
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  do long ago, right? And we only talked about it.
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  We only hardly even talked. He called me after some money.
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  I get the money. I let her cool, you know.
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  But that's where I went in that situation.
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  But I was super jealous of him. Like I was like, I I need what
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  you have, I want what you have. And I studied him.
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  I got around him. I noticed what he would drink,
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  how he would walk, how he would talk, how he would act, and I
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  was super jealous of it. So the things that I was jealous
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  of, I was taking from him emotionally, mentally, right?
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  I wasn't doing anything insidious to him.
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  I was trying to bang his girlfriend or cheat on him.
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  Like no, no, my wife actually hated that we were friends
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  because she's like, yeah, he's he's a bad influence because the
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  stuff that he's doing about it. I like, girl, I can't be
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  influenced. You mean like influence me when
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  I don't want them to influence me?
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  I'm I'm the influencer. And this is before, this is
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  before social media, y'all. But that's a piece of it right
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  there, man. I'm telling you.
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  But I was super jealous of them. I really was.
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  And if you have a jealous narcissist, they'll tell you
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  they, they, they like, they can be uncomfortable around you or
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  sometimes they'll go hard to be around you.
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  You know what I'm saying? You're jealous friend.
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  You're jealous sibling won't, like I said in the beginning,
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  won't always cut you off. Some of them will absolutely try
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  to get closer to you, to study you.
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  And again, the envious ones will get closer to you to try to
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  study you in order to replace you.
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  The jealous ones don't necessarily want to replace you.
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  Now, could jealousy transform into envy over time?
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  Yeah. But jealousy, a little jealousy,
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  I don't think hurts. It can be like friendly
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  competition and things like that, that me and Marcus used to
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  compete on certain levels. Like, I'm fasting on this.
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  I'm doing it. I'm better than you.
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  This. I kick harder.
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  I run harder. All right.
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  We do a lot of stuff together. I miss him, but that ends up
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  being a lot. What goes on?
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  You know what I mean? So I would be super jealous, but
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  I wouldn't cut people off. I'll be jealous of people around
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  me who had money, right? I really would like they have
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  more money than me. I was like, how do I get this?
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  I you make me uncomfortable to be around you, but I want to be
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  around you. My friend Cliff, who I used to
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  sell houses and stuff with, I told you about my last video,
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  the betrayal video. Like he had more money than me
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  at the beginning, right? And I was jealous of that, but I
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  didn't cut him off. You see what I'm saying?
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  I was jealous of it. I wanted to, but I stuck around
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  with him. I was a good friend with him.
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  Asked my wife. My wife can confirm these
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  things, right? I'm going to get my wife on her
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  duty. She going to, I'm going to get
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  my wife to start doing her own video, maybe alive or something
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  like that. She going to start doing video.
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  She wanted she wanted to be more part of it.
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  I think it's time. I think it's time.
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  But yeah, that's it. That's such a big piece of it
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  right there. You know what I mean?
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  So I say that to say this right here, like my friend Cliff, he
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  was jealous of me. He was a jealous narcissist.
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  I was jealous of him. We were both jealous of each
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  other, but we were cool. We knew we were jealous.
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  We were talking, we were talking junk about the stuff that we
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  were jealous about, man, I got to get my money up like you,
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  man, I got to do this like you. We were going back and forth for
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  the jealousy type of stuff right there, right?
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  But it was a kind of friendly competition.
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  His jealousy as a narcissist undiagnosed, right?
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  Unaware narcissist, right? His jealousy transformed into
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  envy and that's why he tried to ruin my life.
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  Go back to watch the video said my best friend trying to ruin my
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  life, right. I'm telling you about the how he
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  literally at the beginning of our friendship when he had more
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  money than me, when I was barely having enough money for gas, he
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  was buying everybody drinks. I was jealous of that.
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  It made me uncomfortable, but I wanted to be like it.
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  I needed it, right. I needed the energy.
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  I wanted to be around it so bad, right, But I was like, you know
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  what the hell with this? I'm going to do this, I'm going
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  to do that. So I got to go into this space
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  like he became envious my social media when I started getting
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  money. That's the first time I bought
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  him a drink. He I could just feel the
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  jealousy transforming, right? It morphed, it mutated.
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  It mutated like what should they for?
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  Like like darts from like what? Season 2 or season 3 or stranger
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  things dart, the little monster to turn into if it's sport
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  alert, he transformed like dart grew up into that big monster.
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  Yeah, that's why I was it was like a little jealous little
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  dart and then turned into big ass yellow butt dark.
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  But he was envy dart and it was crazy.
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  But he really was envious because he tried to rule my
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  life. He started going behind my back,
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  doing stuff, lying to people, lying to people about me, like
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  doing envious stuff, not jealous stuff, envious stuff, lying to
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  women, telling them that I wanted them, that I wanted to
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  sleep with them and I was cheating on my wife's all kinds
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  of crazy stuff, telling people that just because he wanted to
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  sleep with trying to ruin my life.
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  Craziness, insanity, insanity. But we worked through it.
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  Now I'm not we I worked through it.
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  I cut him off my life. Like, I ain't even had to cut
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  him off because he tried to ruin my life.
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  I didn't cut him off because I was envious of him.
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  Now I was going to try to catch me for you.
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  You don't try to catch me like Lee.
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  You just said you don't cut people.
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  I go back, watch him go watch, go back and watch the video
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  because I had to cut him off. He was literally trying to ruin
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  my life. It wasn't any kind of in
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  between. He literally 100% was trying to
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  ruin my life 100%. So he had, he had to go.
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  But yeah, a jealous narcissist will keep you around.
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  Sometimes they will cut you off, right?
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  But jealous narcissist will keep you around so they can study
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  you, so they can integrate into your integrate into your life.
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  Sometimes they'll try to replace you in your friend group.
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  They don't necessarily mean they'll kick you out of the
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  friend group, but they're just trying to replace you, right?
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  You've had a jealous narcissist friend that you introduced to
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  your friends and now they're hanging out with your friends
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  and not inviting you. It's crazy, isn't it?
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  That's what they that's a jealousy.
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  But they they was trying to make it seem like you're envious.
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  You're jealous. You don't want us to be friends.
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  You doing too much. Why don't you like us being
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  friends? Why don't you like us being
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  together? Why don't you like us being
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  cool? You see how that works right
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  there? You could be a sibling that's
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  always had to be a friend. It could be a sibling.
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  It could be your partner. It could be your look alert,
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  alert. You could have a jealous,
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  envious, narcissistic parent and those bastards will try to ruin
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  your life, boy. They will try to hold you back.
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  If they think you're better than them at something that they feel
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  like they were good at, they will try to hold you back at it.
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  They will try to stop you. They will try to stifle out your
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  glow. They will try to dull your shine
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  because they feel like you're competing with them and they
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  cannot stand it. They don't want to be competed
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  with. They don't want to be messed
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  with. And this is the crux that so
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  many people fall into when you're dealing with narcissist
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  and people that jealousy and envy contingent, like I'll be
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  real with you. If I close my eyes and people
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  like, well, leave this describe jealousy.
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  I'm blind when I'm jealous of somebody, it's like a little bit
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  a little bit of shame, right? Shame is there.
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  It's present, but it's not overwhelming.
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  It's like a if I were to describe, if I were to describe
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  it in weather terms, it's like a light mist.
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  It's raining, but you can go outside and you can't.
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  It's raining, but it's like misty.
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  You mean just like I'm getting a little wet, but I don't really
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  need a jacket. It's warm.
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  It's one of them warm, misty rains, right?
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  It's not even making puddles in the ground.
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  It's not even really wet. It's just misty in air.
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  That's what jealousy feels like. And yeah, could it could.
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  It start turning into a slow drizzle.
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  Yeah, start turning into a slow. Drizzle Envy feels like a storm,
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  like a like literally, you know when a bad storm is coming.
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  The darker the it's like the darker the clouds get.
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  The worst the storm is, it's pitch black and it's lightning.
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  That's what envy feels like. Envy feels like it's a scary
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  ass. Shame is all around now.
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  Shame is in the sky. Like I know I keep using
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  Stranger things references like the the mind flare, you know the
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  mind flare. I beat the mind flare.
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  I got literally like that shame look like the mind flare how big
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  it was and how dark it made the sky blacks out the sun.
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  It was like the Persians from a 300 arrows but black out the
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  sun. Then we will fight in the shade.
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  That's a good tic tac style arrow to black out this side.
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  But yeah, that's the difference between jealousy and envy for
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  me. Y'all.
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  You can have a narcissist that can be just a little jealous.
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  You can have a narcissist that can be extremely envious trying
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  to replace you and trying to ruin your damn life.
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  Envy, envious ones you need to cut out because we'll keep a
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  very if you can't cut them out, keep a very close eye on them.
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  Jealous ones, just keep a keep a watchful eye.
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  Keep a wonder eye on the horizon.
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  Shout out to Orlando Bloom pies of the Caribbean.
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  Anyway, y'all hit that subscribe, but if you haven't
• 13:31
  mental hillness.net for my coaching, my courses, everything
• 13:34
  and if you're watching this on Spotify, hit that subscribe
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  button on Spotify. Y'all appreciate every single
• 13:38
  yeah, we creeping closer to 30,000 on spot 25,000 on
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  Spotify. Appreciate y'all peace.