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What Are You Saying? - Part 1: When Words Wound · Couples’ Journey Podcast Channel

• 0:00
  Hi! Welcome to Couples Journey with Christ Jesus blog series.
• 0:04
  We're starting a new series entitled What Are You Saying?
• 0:07
  Imagine a marriage where misunderstandings are so common that they threaten
• 0:11
  the very foundation of the relationship.
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  Today, we look into part one of this enlightening series.
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  Guided by the reflections of Rey and Annie, a couple committed to understanding
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  and overcoming communication struggles.
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  Stay with us, because the key to a lasting marriage might just lie in how well
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  we learn to listen and communicate. Here's part one.
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  These days, it's so easy and quick to fall into miscommunication.
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  Even among married couples, the reality remains. Communication issues are a
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  major factor in the struggles of modern marriages.
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  A study conducted by a legal team focused on divorce revealed that 67.5% of
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  marriages ending in divorce did so primarily because of communication problems.
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  Although this study was published in 2019, evidence from the internet shows
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  that communication continues to play a significant role in divorce rates today.
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  There's also a noticeable effort across various organizations,
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  non-profits, law firms specializing in divorce, and even government agencies to address this issue.
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  Many resources are available to help couples navigate the challenges that come
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  with communication breakdowns in marriage.
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  While statistics have shown some improvement, the data still raises concerns
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  when we dig deeper into demographic details.
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  For example, in previous weekly topics, we discussed how the majority of divorces
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  in the United States involve people from Christian backgrounds,
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  and how divorce rates among older adults, particularly those aged 50 and older,
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  are rising, a trend often called gray divorce.
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  It's a sad and somewhat frightening reality we're facing.
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  In 2017, the Center for Marriage and Relationships at Biola University published
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  an article titled, Seven Reasons We Fail to Communicate and Resolve Conflict Well.
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  It outlines common reasons behind communication failures in marriage,
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  especially highlighting how often we falter in listening.
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  According to CMR, the reasons we struggle are, 1.
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  I don't know how to communicate or resolve conflict.
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  Some might dismiss this as an excuse, but it's a valid and real challenge.
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  Being innocent in communication and conflict resolution doesn't necessarily
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  mean we lack experience.
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  Rather, it often reflects what we've been taught or how we've been raised.
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  Our behaviors are shaped by our environment and those we've observed.
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  It's only after repeated failures and seeing that our usual methods aren't working
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  that we might realize we actually don't know what we're doing and need help.
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  2. I don't even know what I'm feeling.
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  The Bible reminds us that the heart is deceitful, as noted in Jeremiah 17 verse 9.
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  Sometimes, overwhelming emotions obscure our ability to process incidents properly,
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  which in turn affects how we respond.
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  Confusion and emotional overload can cloud our judgment, impacting our will and actions.
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  3. It's just too scary to share. This is an unhealthy fear that compels us to
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  stay silent While silence can sometimes be healthy, such as giving space for
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  listening It becomes harmful when rooted in fear In such cases,
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  silence stops the truth from flowing and can prevent healing in the relationship 4.
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  I shouldn't share my feelings, I don't want to offend or make things worse This
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  concern seems considerate, but it can hinder honest communication Conflicts are inevitable,
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  and avoiding them isn't natural But avoiding difficult conversations only fuels misunderstanding.
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  Clarity is essential for resolution and restoration. 5.
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  I'm not worthy of being heard, or I don't deserve to be listened to.
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  Entitlement and resentment can creep in here, leading to dangerous patterns.
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  Sometimes, we don't realize we're trapped in this mindset until God begins to
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  reveal it as we renew our faith.
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  It's part of a difficult but necessary journey of transformation.
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  Today, we understand that any ability to respond rightly in these moments is
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  the work of the Holy Spirit in us, not just our own strength. 6.
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  My feelings can be sinful, is also prevalent, but emotions are gifts from God,
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  meant to remind us of our brokenness and our need for a Savior.
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  When we let our feelings lead us away from truth instead of anchoring them in
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  God, they can become sinful.
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  7. We are sabotaging our progress. As discussed earlier, behaviors such as criticism,
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  contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, shutting down emotionally or physically,
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  start to hinder effective communication.
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  Sadly, many of us aren't even aware of these destructive patterns or willing to admit them.
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  Willow Williams, the author of the article, offered some insightful points about these behaviors.
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  I encourage you to read it, as gaining knowledge like this broadens our understanding
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  and self-awareness, both essential steps toward recognizing our need for help and ongoing guidance.
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  Before we close, we want to invite you to engage with us and support the Couples
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  Journey blog series podcast by following this channel, leaving comments,
• 5:21
  and sharing episodes with your family and friends.
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  You're helping us in our mission to transform marriages today.
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  Your support encourages more couples to seek God's guidance and grow stronger together.
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  Learn more about this movement on the website www.couplesjourney.org.
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  Thank you for being part of this journey. Together, we can make a difference.
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  Here's the final part of today's episode.
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  That wraps up part one of our exploration into marriage communication.
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  Rey and Annie's insights remind us that recognizing our communication flaws
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  is the first step towards healing.
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  Join us next time as we continue to uncover practical ways to build stronger,
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  healthier relationships, because every marriage has a chance to thrive.
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  Stay tuned tomorrow for our series, What Are You Saying?