Latest / Real Deal Media / After Hours with Dean Ryan 'Reflections'

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After Hours with Dean Ryan 'Reflections' · Real Deal Media

1:46
Good evening everybody. Welcome to after hours with Dean
1:51
Ryan yes a little impromptu because tonight's episode is
1:58
called Reflections which has a very strong definition that's
2:03
within its own title. You know it's very reminiscent
2:08
and reminds me of the actual song Reflections which has a lot
2:12
of meaning to impart our reflections of the past.
2:16
Really help us figure out in manager way through the future.
2:23
But it's the present that's very challenging, there's been some
2:28
very unpleasant own. Unfortunate news that has been
2:34
brought my way just hours ago is.
2:37
It was from preparing for a very different kind of format tonight
2:43
for a different, very different kind of week that we're about to
2:46
embark on and new very, very challenging year that 2022.
2:52
I'm sure we'll Rush upon that as the night goes in to the late
2:57
hours. The after a bowtie I received,
3:00
Some unfortunate news that days ago, right before the
3:04
Thanksgiving holiday that my dear friend Clyde, no parents.
3:11
Who have speaking of my spoken about before I received news
3:17
before the Thanksgiving day and then he was withering away a
3:21
little bit health-wise and, you know, I don't want to believe
3:24
then because I'm quite a Optimist and the most I guess
3:30
unnecessary Moments when you shouldn't be, but it really
3:33
struck me. And in I heard that about six
3:38
days ago and I kid you not on top of everything else and has
3:42
been going on in my life and professionally personally, but I
3:45
still wasn't fully understand believing into that type.
3:50
But my body did and I don't know how many of you can relate to
3:53
this. I started getting a very acute
3:56
pain in my lower back which had no reason to head and pulled my
4:00
back out. Don't I didn't sleep as slip.
4:02
I didn't fall and I should know why am I in this?
4:06
This pain, the stress, I suppose, so fast forward past,
4:11
the American holiday of Thanksgiving.
4:12
And I have just hours ago, never because I've been trying to get
4:17
ahold of him. It's a very dear friend of mine
4:19
who has been the surrogate father or the father of sort of
4:22
speak that, you know, I never had.
4:25
So it's It hit me and when he didn't reply to my Happy
4:31
Thanksgiving text message and I said this is something's wrong
4:36
and I haven't felt this way since I lost or was about to
4:40
lose my grandfather. Four years ago, roughly around
4:46
this time, give or take a month and I said some things
4:50
absolutely wrong and he finally, He finally called me man, today.
4:56
And I said, no, I'm so happy to hear.
4:57
I dropped everything. I was doing, and I picked up the
5:00
phone and I said, client, oh my God, Clyde have been trying to
5:03
reach you. Trying to reach you, you know
5:05
just to hear his voice was a real godsend.
5:08
It was a real godsend to me through the darkness than I am.
5:15
Just walking through and some of, you know, and maybe some of
5:21
you don't know, but yeah, it is dark.
5:24
I am in the darkness of an also. We began talking and I heard his
5:31
withering voice and I lost it, and I could not control my
5:36
emotions. And I said, client, please tell
5:40
me you're going to be okay. Please.
5:41
Please tell me you're going to be okay.
5:43
And he said that he can't even feed himself.
5:50
And he can't sleep. And he said he's disappearing
5:55
and I lost it. I lost every every amount of
5:59
control and we were both in tears on the phone, just hours
6:03
ago. And I everything that I have
6:09
known to be true in, with my own vicinity of of control, and
6:14
people has been flipped upside down everything.
6:17
Then I knew, everyone that I knew from my past past.
6:23
From my hometown is gone. And now, one of my closest
6:30
friends who I've known for 12 years, Who has always been there
6:35
for me. He's the guy went through to
6:38
find the right car. The right place to land.
6:41
The right mechanic. Clyde was is is Klein is is the
6:51
Consumer Reports, the go-to, man.
6:53
That knows everything. The professional everything.
6:55
He is, that person. And when I went to California,
7:02
just recently, months ago for my first so-called vacation in of
7:06
2022 and it was anything, but I went there to discover a an
7:14
environment that was rotting in his own sanity, his own
7:20
household and they saw a man that was almost half the man.
7:23
He used to be physically and I was in such disbelief.
7:28
And people cope differently his his daughters coping differently
7:33
and I was coping in the sense that I'm from afar.
7:36
So it's got to only get better that's when I realized something
7:40
was wrong and it was just months ago fast forward to now because
7:44
it was months ago that and he had the doctor diagnosed him
7:48
with colon cancer and they sent to him that you would be lucky
7:56
to get at least. The three months if you start
8:00
the treatments now for, you know, chemotherapy and in he did
8:05
not want to do that, it's not what he wanted to do.
8:08
Because like, many of the people in this awakened realm, they
8:16
don't believe in the big Pharma remedies in suggestions.
8:21
You know, that's not him. He's very, very, very much
8:25
opposite of the authoritarian class.
8:28
And such an admirable person who has brought so much joy to my
8:32
life when I've been in the just Louis Louis ends of in darkest
8:41
places in my life throughout throughout the decade.
8:43
You know, it was quite it was there for me, you know, when
8:48
everything was lost and to see this this towering, man, this
8:54
figure this guy that had elements.
8:57
So many elements of my grandfather of in him.
9:02
And I see the same thing as I say this.
9:05
I see the same thing. People like Jim fencer, and I've
9:08
never told them when I see Jim, you know, off are it's, there's
9:11
elements of my grandfather in somebody like that in when I
9:16
have the opportunity to be around people like Clyde.
9:22
Like Jim, it's another moment. Another opportunity.
9:27
You for me to be with my grandfather again to have that.
9:38
Have a conversation. Show hours ago, I got this was a
9:46
terrible call, I mean, it was a call that shakes you to the core
9:54
because You know, you don't you you're strong, you feel a strong
10:02
and you want the other people to be strong and it's hard and I'm
10:07
trying to remain a rock for him. Like he's been for me in on top
10:10
of everything. I'm going through right now.
10:13
It is the the extra added layer that nobody asked for here, you
10:20
know, because when I'm going through right now, you have to
10:24
remain as sturdy as a breakout house.
10:28
I mean, you got to be like True Grit because this is not for the
10:35
faint of heart at all. I was on this phone call and
10:40
everything and there's something about today, particularly for
10:44
something out today. There was much sun at all.
10:47
There was very overcast for no reason and there is a very
10:53
somber mood in thigh band, or around everything and it felt
10:59
very off. And then here we are and then I
11:02
hear this And it has just reminded me that I have the one
11:11
relic of my past, if you will, is now disappearing, as he said,
11:15
in it, in it in it just shook me so hard.
11:19
And we shed some tears on the phone, and I don't handle these
11:22
two. Well, this may be speaking
11:27
helps, but it he's her crying. And he's saying, you know, we
11:32
both told each other, don't, you know?
11:35
So, I love you Clyde and he said, the same and Ike I begged
11:41
him not to leave me any the poor guys is, you know, he's so much
11:44
pain and he would watch everything I do.
11:49
He just love this heel of this, Gila absolutely loved it.
11:53
If you don't know, if you might have seen him in some of the
11:56
infamous for the show world at war that I host at night, he's
12:00
the gentleman in the car with me during this the song by The
12:06
Smiths. And he was, it just it really
12:11
that meant a lot to him just to be part of this and, you know, I
12:13
couldn't I'd never had a chance to really show my grandparents,
12:20
if you know, my parents of what I do.
12:23
And you know, it's hard for them in that generation to understand
12:26
and they didn't have a chance to see this button Clyde did and he
12:30
appreciates it and I wanted him there with me to be there
12:36
because he He is a ball of life. This is a man who is known for
12:43
Huntington Beach. He rides his bicycle around.
12:46
He has a big old basket. He has a transistor radio
12:50
playing the golden old age and got a headband and American flag
12:54
and everybody knows him. He he is, he can make you smile
13:00
and somebody rough the stains and he just there was a good
13:04
vibe and I looked up to that and I said, how can I ever get to
13:08
that place? Like then he is and I had so
13:11
much admiration for him and I wanted him to know and I've had
13:14
the opportunity to do that with with this Enterprise right here.
13:19
and, And we're so excited. You know, I remember in 2016, we
13:29
stayed up all night watching the election and we were just so,
13:33
you know, besides herself with joy and have the signs.
13:36
It was a lot of fun for us. We had so many good moments and
13:40
I want there to be something that I can do to save his life.
13:45
He, you know, Ian because you have that feeling like you're
13:50
losing so many things. So many people and it's a I'm in
13:58
the middle of a crossfire hurricane.
14:02
On a locomotive train that has no brakes.
14:07
And it's staring and where I'm going that is going to determine
14:12
whether I live or not whether I succeed or fail.
14:17
In the pressures of that. He sometimes you lose a site and
14:22
with the mm, Bish's trails that your own of the most important
14:26
things in the most important people, that Can never be
14:30
replaced. Replicated, but can only be
14:33
cherished for that moment in time and it just really
14:38
reiterates that there seems to be an expiration date.
14:42
With situations and people and it really is, it's eating me up
14:46
so many ways, I am preparing to go home and I'm going to see my
14:53
friend and pray for a miracle. But I'm going to be as steady as
14:59
a rock as I can be. And that's not an easy.
15:01
It's easier said in promise than actual other and so many of you
15:06
out there have been very understanding of, you know, I
15:08
hate to share this but I'm one of those transparent people and
15:13
maybe my sorrows and my temporary pain is somewhat of a
15:17
solars for all of you out there who have lost loved ones, who
15:22
have loved ones, who are not in the best position health-wise,
15:26
or who are Dealing just with a very difficult time overall that
15:32
may be met as your cursor gives you some kind of Grace in
15:36
satisfaction knowing that I'm I'm still remaining steadfast as
15:42
much as I can and I can't do that.
15:44
What really without a lot of you out there maybe we're strangers
15:49
in the textbook definition of it but at this point in time I
15:53
don't feel that we are and if we can't have the vote Conversation
15:59
with each other what's happening?
16:00
Then who can we have that with? Because you know, who can we
16:05
trust is really. That should be the name of my
16:07
autobiography, who can we trust? But Clyde, I'm always been able
16:13
to trust and he can only hate always trusted me and it was a
16:18
beautiful thing. And you know, I mean we talked
16:22
about all these Jean these cures if you will these These new kind
16:29
of movements ideas in Industries on the horizon that are going to
16:35
benefit the humankind. We do we talk about it at a, you
16:41
know, accordingly now granted others talk about it at nauseam
16:46
and an appropriate speed limit or not at all.
16:51
And that is the that is the end point on the map of where you
16:55
want to go in this treasure map. We found in a bottle on the side
17:00
of the shore that is saying go here to the promised land.
17:04
Walk, three steps and you can't get lost and do everything
17:07
right. Treat people with kindness work
17:10
hard, be Innovative, be respectful.
17:13
Go to school, go to work, brush, your teeth, wash Shine, Your
17:18
Shoes, take the trash out and you should have a pretty decent
17:22
pretty respectful in enduring life with moments of excitement.
17:28
Well to me it just sits and every just shitting around like
17:31
a little pet, Rock counting the days till we're just you know
17:34
Dust in the Wind. You know, it just I often
17:39
wonder. So when are these things are
17:40
going to happen? And you know, this has been I
17:46
talked about Enterprise or later in this has been one that has
17:49
been rocked to the Core for the good part of an entire 12 months
17:55
though, you know, happening for about a year now.
17:58
I mean we just my feels like we just but we, you know, we lost
18:02
him Cloud. Who was a big, big personality
18:07
and a very sound and intelligent and knowledgeable mind, and we
18:11
lost him to the Dreadful. The very common disease known as
18:17
cancer patient. Renamed it, the very man Peter
18:22
silent killer called cancer. And we are now still talking
18:28
about cancer in the 21st century in a century that was promised
18:35
to be the most Innovative flying cars.
18:39
Extremely technology technologically, savvy, and
18:44
available of a century that would have cured such a ailments
18:48
as we speak of here. Within seconds.
18:52
But we're not, because we have Gatekeepers, we have the
18:57
institutionalized deprogrammed, you know, which read medicine.
19:03
The medicine has then are preventing us from truly living
19:07
and in, we're still talking about it, we're still practicing
19:11
with the most archaic treatments.
19:15
And this is so common that when people die.
19:18
Now the first thing in the first go to question or realization.
19:23
They say well was it cancer? You know, you know, in
19:28
California when you walk into a restaurant and establishment,
19:32
there's now a sign that says, rig Beware of the risk of cancer
19:36
is harming toxins within this establishment.
19:41
Like they actually have a sign in restaurants California.
19:45
So imagine that. Imagine that and then imagine
19:49
when you buy a pack of cigarettes, it says may cause
19:53
cancer like, okay, we're okay with that.
19:56
But all the other things that really do, there's no listing.
20:00
There's no, there's no fine printing, there's nothing.
20:06
So if you take that into account and you take the first two, we
20:09
are living in a cancerous world. And if we really want to get
20:12
down to brass tacks, America is the one of the smallest
20:16
population. In the world, but has the
20:18
biggest percentage in population of cancer victims?
20:25
So we live in a cancerous Society, we were going to cancer
20:27
is country and it is beyond just the chemicals.
20:31
It's beyond just the food. The drinks are the cigarettes,
20:35
the drugs and other. It is a cancerous culture.
20:39
It's a cancerous state of mind, and it's a very Collective one
20:43
at that we're questioning and asking for an alternative route.
20:47
Out which is true. Diversity is not just frowned
20:50
upon but it's punished. You know why?
20:53
Because that gets out of the collective and inserts
20:55
representing the true minority of the world in.
20:58
That is the individual and that's a danger to The
21:02
Establishment in the authoritarian gods of control,
21:06
the slave owners in the country club, a leech where there's one
21:12
big Club as George Carlin told us but we're not in it.
21:17
Or merely the flies that went on the windshield as they plowed
21:21
through our communities and societies.
21:25
So these are things once again and is expressed in the month of
21:29
January when we lost our very beloved can that I'm now
21:33
expressing again with little to nothing of answers other than
21:40
keeping following in trucking along the map and hopefully,
21:43
we'll find what we're looking for or at least what was told to
21:46
us. In doing it hurts.
21:50
It hurts. It hurts. the very few people
21:54
that you can maybe count on one hand that are people that you
21:59
love from your, you know, way past before the all of this
22:04
before, you have created a new kind of You know, perception and
22:10
realm and pathway for yourself. Those people, maybe they're from
22:14
your hometown. Maybe they're from your school,
22:16
or just a distant cousin those people, especially when they
22:19
matter and they're leaving, it's an end of an era and a chapter
22:24
that you were not done. Reading nor were you ever done
22:27
writing in? That's what hurts.
22:29
It's being taken from me, once again, so, The people aren't
22:39
very important in, you know. We're busy working.
22:45
We're busy. Forging ahead in this war.
22:48
This is a war. This is a world at war and it
22:51
could not get any more descriptive than the actual
22:53
title itself because the actions the vibe the feeling of it is
22:57
just just that the world at war, it's the war on the
23:02
international stage. It's the war on the local stage
23:06
and it's the war Within. It's War within and not
23:11
everybody's going to make it, not everybody's going to make it
23:14
there. They're going to pass away.
23:16
They're going to whether they're going to give up, they're going
23:19
to turn. And when they turn that more
23:23
than is directed interpreted and you at the most inconvenient
23:28
times in your Achilles heel, when you least expect it, when
23:33
you least want it, and when you never asked for it, nor did you
23:37
ever want to go to war at all? You know, it's I can't imagine
23:45
what it felt like when you were forced to do this in Vietnam War
23:49
or that is should be re-examined for this new generation of what
23:54
it felt like to be pushed into something that you never wanted
23:57
to be in. But you thought, well, what else
23:58
can I do? Just like my friend here.
24:03
It's so much living so much life as so much Spirit energy. we
24:08
were going to do things, we wanted to do segments, I wanted
24:11
him to come over here and stay with me and see how I do things
24:15
and just to brighten up his life in mind and he Didn't have that
24:22
opportunity yet. It was going to be now, it's
24:26
going to be now now is the time and here we are again.
24:30
It's just taken in and I'm trying to say why I'm asking why
24:34
and stating my And I'm screaming down the Grand Canyon and I'm
24:39
hearing Echoes of myself. That are just that just Echoes
24:43
of myself. You can call me Echo Chambers
24:47
but you can come and just Echoes of myself, which is another
24:51
wonderful title if I ever did right?
24:53
And that underwent biography looking for answers to the
24:57
questions I've asked, but to the questions I've yet to even
25:00
address or share, or Express because I am searching for the
25:07
most incredible people at my past and I'm searching for those
25:10
qualities in others. And I when I see them and a lot
25:14
of them are here tonight, actually.
25:15
Ali. When I see them, I grab onto
25:17
them in. I just endure every moment.
25:22
And I'm I'm very appreciative of it because that's part of my
25:26
past and quarter. The things that we all had
25:29
growing up then just over sentimental and very precious
25:33
and then I treasure and think about for the rest of my life.
25:38
So now, when I see the intro of the world at war show that we do
25:41
here at Real Deal media, there's another meaning to it now
25:46
because my closest friend, my somebody who told me, you know,
25:50
he's like I'm like the son, he never, you know, he never had,
25:53
he only has one daughter and you know, That's a great honor to
25:58
it's a great honor. Just when it's a very precious
26:03
moment. And so you know, I'm human, that
26:10
old phrase, I'm human II have feelings our emotions to you
26:14
woman. I'm supposed to publicly but I
26:17
do and it's a hard time and I'm not sure there's anything I can
26:24
look or read or that's going to make me feel better.
26:27
Well, at least currently, but I don't know if life will ever be
26:30
the same. I know, it won't actually, and
26:34
that's where I get lost in my work.
26:36
I get lost in my, you know, my craft my creating.
26:40
Because when I do that in some regard, it keeps me from
26:45
thinking about the people I've lost in my personal life, the
26:49
people that I've cherished and loved and, you know, I never got
26:54
a chance to say goodbye to some of them.
26:55
And when I did it was too soon to say goodbye and and I could
26:59
dwell on that for days, I could do.
27:01
On it, for hours, and months and some of and I still do when I
27:06
catch myself doing it, I have to keep myself busy because I'm
27:10
afraid of falling in a endless pant of Sorrows, Darkness just
27:16
long and just a roads and bridges to nowhere and it's a
27:20
scary thought because if I did, there would be a lot of them
27:23
would collapsed around me and behind me.
27:26
In the trajectory than Aman and the pathway.
27:28
Aman is a very dangerous one. With very dangerous people.
27:35
With a very salacious fictitious fallacies that eat at you eat at
27:44
you in. That's the whole purpose of it.
27:46
It's like a slow poison. It just crawls or through the
27:49
DNA in the powers of your being and its most to poison you in
27:54
make you fall into your own footprint.
27:58
And it's a very dangerous for proposition in when I see my
28:02
friend dying and when I see the, the treacherous road ahead of
28:07
when I have to deal with, it is a very defeating kind of feeling
28:11
that I did to you. If you if you're not here and
28:14
it's hard to explain it's ever hard to relate to, but it's a
28:16
very, very tight rope and a dangerous one at the end.
28:23
But it's something I signed up for long ago, unbeknownst to
28:27
myself and enhance afforded me to meet some.
28:34
Some of the most incredible people I've ever met in my life
28:37
and I've, I've been, you know, I've been in some really amazing
28:42
places and, you know, red carpets this and it means
28:45
nothing to me the prestige. It means nothing to me of the
28:49
title and The Bling In the popularity, if the character is
28:58
a equivalent to the sum 0. Because when the character is
29:03
zero, then everything else that stems from the character of zero
29:08
is to me, null and void and nothing but window dressing and
29:12
icing on a cake that has no flower or nothing within which
29:16
we just call it, shaving cream. But when the character is beyond
29:22
expectations, beyond the sum of 0 and has plenty of growth and
29:28
beautiful, plantations in a garden that grows from it, it's
29:32
inspiring. It's live shaving.
29:37
Eating and it's something that's infectious.
29:40
You want to be around those people because it sheds a
29:44
sunlight on you and you want to grow as well and that's a
29:46
somebody who is my dear friend climb.
29:52
And it is. You know, and it seemed a
29:58
creature of habits recruiter of routines that were used to when
30:02
you see something on television or you're perusing through the
30:06
internet and you see something funny or you see a meme.
30:09
Go, like I said in this show, I could send this to my dear
30:12
friend client or had send this to whoever it is, you have to go
30:16
to is right. You have the go to some of you
30:19
got to check this out because ultimately what we're saying,
30:22
maybe subconsciously but not through the The actual sales
30:25
pitch itself. Were ultimately saying, I want
30:28
you to experience this portion of my life with me, so we can
30:32
have this bond together because we're very bonding people.
30:35
So we can share this bond in, always have it and put it in our
30:39
scrapbook. And I have a lot of those
30:41
moments have a lot of those moments and I have a lot of
30:44
those moments to go. I wanted to share with all of
30:46
you and vice versa. I'm sure.
30:49
But I wanted to share them with your friend.
30:52
And then opportunity now is Been prohibited by the powers that
30:58
be. By this, this, this weird moment
31:00
in time that we're living through is weird as I'm sure.
31:05
It was growing up in the medieval times and the times of
31:07
the Aztecs where you had to give up your first born.
31:11
They sacrifice a down. A Aztec, you know, tunnel Castle
31:17
Alter same thing with medieval time.
31:20
It just there's something about the humanity.
31:23
And Mankind, doesn't always seem to correct itself when you know,
31:26
you're around when your energy in a Peta.
31:29
Tap you on the back and they say, okay you're going in there.
31:31
I'm going to send you in through the vehicle of the zygote and
31:36
you're going to go in there. You're going to Blossom and
31:37
you're going to experience this great moment in history and
31:40
nobody tells you at that time. If we could try to remember back
31:44
then when we just had poles, can we go in a time when there's
31:48
absolutely, you know, options that benefit us of humans and it
31:52
gives us a chance of prosperity, happiness, and growth can be be
31:56
in that time that moment of time like, well, we'll see what we
32:00
can do. It's gonna like signing up for
32:01
the military. Remember that I sent to I said
32:04
to a recruiter runs, I sent that I want.
32:08
I would love to be in the Navy Band, you know?
32:11
Because that's one of the options you can be in part of
32:13
the musical forces. and they have a list of their incest,
32:18
like you could be the bass player in the Navy and I'm like,
32:22
Perfect. I'm going to try and understand
32:24
for the Navy Band. I love it.
32:28
What they don't tell you what, they don't tell you.
32:31
And I learned the hard way, we all know that story about me is,
32:34
oh that's the carriage that gets dangled in front of you because
32:38
you have to do eight to ten eight to twelve weeks of hard
32:41
labor in boot camp. And then after that, you have to
32:43
start from the very bottom of the totem pole and peel potatoes
32:47
in just completely get yelled at by people that just
32:50
automatically give you homicidal tendencies.
32:52
Once he's in imaginative, kind of aspirations to do, everything
32:56
you can do to get out of there and boy, did I ever because
33:02
that's the kind of a complex creative mind and it's part of
33:07
the art of nonconformity, which is exactly the type of people I
33:12
like to have around me that follow the same pathway.
33:15
That's my dear friend, fine. In many of you out there because
33:21
you know, like shit said earlier, shades of my
33:25
grandfather shades of my grandfather.
33:29
Is when I see in people and then shades of myself too.
33:32
But forget me for a minute and there are people that have a bad
33:38
upbringing, bad parents, a bad father, bad mother, but within
33:45
the within a family, you know, a family, shutting you often hear,
33:50
but my grandmother, my grandmother, you know, Gladys or
33:55
whoever she was so sweet and she always I baked a bundt cake her.
34:00
Something in those moments, those little things, they're
34:03
very warm moments that we cherish.
34:05
They stick with us. In.
34:08
They stick with us as the warm fuzzy Memories.
34:11
We have that we just keep an old Locker that's virtual and we
34:14
keep it in your art because it's a very true and you could be the
34:17
toughest guy in the world. You can be one, you know, strong
34:21
chick, you know, cracking, skulls and everything.
34:23
But we know within those people's past a lot of these
34:27
people, they have someone that really touches them to the core
34:31
that moves them, that gives them that memory.
34:36
You know, like like when I cook, you know I feel their turn, I
34:42
filmed the my grandfather's next to me, teaching me how, you
34:45
know, watching him do it because that's what I should do as a
34:47
kid. I said my God, he was a shortcut
34:49
key much chance. He's do that Navy Exchange and
34:52
cook, you know, make something like a like MacGyver cooking in
34:56
her own, just throw it in there. Throw some rice in their throats
34:59
and Pitino, just as something that you can make real quick.
35:01
He wasn't measuring. He was into reading a Julia
35:04
Child cookbook. But he was making something in
35:07
not necessarily teaching me the steps in the protocol home, but
35:11
he was doing it in as adolescents, and children were
35:15
very observant in the same way that animals are better at their
35:20
dogs, cats are birds, we start mimicking in shadowing, what we
35:25
are in taking because a lot of communication, they say upwards
35:31
of 80%, some say 90 is nonverbal.
35:34
Nonverbal communication is the loudest form of expression and
35:39
communication signs, symbols, actions energies.
35:43
You know, you can walk into a room and you a lot of women
35:47
probably have this attribute more than then you walk into a
35:50
room, whether it's a house party, a congregation or a
35:53
institution that you have to be out.
35:55
And you can feel right off the bat the energy in the place
35:59
where you'd like to sit down or you like to reside during your
36:03
time in. It's there.
36:05
And you already have a good idea of the people that you probably
36:09
won't get along with the people that don't like you and the
36:11
people that absolutely want to get to know you in that's one of
36:15
the nonverbal communication skills and attributes that we
36:19
inherit from ancestors. You could say from our parents
36:23
from our great-grandparents, but it's one of the the skills and
36:27
so when you meet people, where you have people in your life,
36:30
and in my case, my dear friend, kind that has that aura, that
36:34
That is so inviting. It's it's almost like you want
36:38
to watch him on his own sitcom show in you.
36:42
Also want to embrace it and then you want to give that kind of
36:46
vibration that energy that's in to make someone smile like he
36:50
did. And does you want to use that in
36:54
your own world? And you know, there's a saying,
36:59
if you can make somebody smile, you can make somebody laugh.
37:02
You can give him a small vacation from the problems.
37:05
And that's a true statement if you think about it, really is a
37:09
true statement and that was definitely is definitely him.
37:16
It's definitely him and these are just the things that, you
37:20
know, that are going through my head like a slideshow is I'm
37:25
reflecting I'm reflecting on the distant past, I'm reflecting on
37:29
the knots or addition pass and then I'm reflecting on what just
37:34
happened like now. In.
37:38
I'm reflecting on it because I'm thinking, how do I go forward?
37:42
How do I go forward? Where do I find the will to go
37:45
for and where do I find the strength?
37:48
The inspiration. Where do I find?
37:53
Where do I find the motivation? And it's a form of being in
37:58
limbo and not knowing and not knowing is not fun, not knowing
38:02
can be frightening. But also, when you don't have
38:06
the control of what's being taken from you, it's a very
38:11
frightening proposition defeating as I once earlier
38:14
expressed in disappointing. Disappointing and I know that
38:21
sometimes maybe people will look up to you in some sort of for
38:26
Solace and kind of guidance. And if I don't have a certain
38:32
amount of That's a type of bravado then I would have failed
38:37
my mission. Then why should others?
38:40
And I say that because I was in a smart where I was doing the
38:43
same looking up to others and I don't want to fail.
38:48
I don't want to fail myself. I don't want to fail people out
38:52
there and I don't want to fail. Honestly, I don't want to fill
38:57
my grandparents that are that I'm you know, I just lost him
39:00
not too long ago and it affects me and I it comes out in my
39:05
verbiage in my thesis, and my actions, my thoughts because
39:10
what is so traumatic in your life that you think is behind
39:15
you passed you. It is actually it's around you,
39:18
and it comes out in the most Just inopportune times things
39:23
that are not necessarily verbal as we shed and it comes out in
39:26
actions feelings songs when I heard.
39:32
And I know I'm gonna have a hard time listening to Golden oldies,
39:37
the yesterday's favorites but it's it is affecting us.
39:43
It's like we have a in the same regard as a military man have
39:47
the the badges the purple hearts and all the metals we carry a
39:53
Stars are PTSD are our memories are hurt people, carrying them
40:02
in some people never get past it in the sense that it stuns them
40:06
for the rest of their life. You know they've been betrayed
40:09
therefore they will never trust. They will always scoff and they
40:15
will always have a very skewed I at others going forward.
40:22
Men who've been maybe had a bad home life with the mother, or,
40:27
you know, we'll always hating women and therefore, women have
40:29
to pay and I think that is such a small minded, kind of kind of
40:36
thinking. If you allow yourself to be
40:40
brought down that way because they're for someone has to
40:43
someone else has to pay for Something terrible that happened
40:48
to him. It's not fair.
40:50
It's not fair, but I can see how people think that way.
40:54
I can understand how people reach that conclusion of
40:58
something happened to me by a certain person or somebody's
41:03
there for other people have to pay.
41:06
Other people have to pay in. Therefore, I'm going to be left
41:09
wallowing in the misery of the victimhood.
41:14
Whether it's the institutions of that have given us the archaic
41:18
Cancer Treatments or caused it. It was your about the, the
41:23
remedies, right? We heard about the cures, you
41:24
don't often hear about the causes because the cause is if
41:27
they really told us just to sidestep a here in and give you
41:30
a PSA, the true cause is if you really knew are all around us,
41:36
Is probably if you touched your wall and you went like that, it
41:41
would just be leaking with cancer.
41:42
Probably due to the paint because it has led in it.
41:46
If you eat at a restaurant in California, they're telling you,
41:49
you're going to get some poisonous.
41:52
Just ailments that might not affect you now, but call us in
41:55
20 years. And then we'll say yeah, yeah.
41:58
Yeah. When you went to denny's.
41:59
Yeah. That was us.
42:00
We put it in your, you know, moons over my hammy that was us.
42:04
We did it. How you doing there?
42:05
How's your archaic treatment sincerely Denny's?
42:12
Yeah, cuz we, we have to control populations around here.
42:15
We hope you understand this to run that, what you're speaking
42:18
about is very dangerous and you're talking about natural
42:21
cures. But how dare you talk about the
42:23
causes? Well, we're gonna have to put
42:26
you out of your misery and call it an accident if you don't mind
42:30
going to put it at your doorstep.
42:33
Yeah, well I say to them well just get in line with everyone
42:36
else in please sell more Tabloid stories of while you're at it.
42:42
You know, so kind of to round it all up here as I am.
42:48
Getting into the conclusions of it all here, which is not really
42:52
a conclusion, but a kind of a rest area in my journey.
42:56
I'm my Reflections are very important because if I don't
43:00
reflect on, People that person here then is withering away in
43:09
what made him so important. Why was our bond so good.
43:12
And if I don't reflect on that, then I may never find that again
43:16
and never find a short of a form of happiness that I am
43:21
ultimately looking for like many, we're just looking for
43:25
some civility. We're going to happiness, a
43:29
little sunshine. We're not trying to win the
43:32
lottery, we're not trying to Stand on the Hollywood Bowl sign
43:37
and say look at me look at me, I need attention.
43:39
Now we're trying to have just a peace of mind with a good grip
43:43
of people in our lives that make us happy come and ground.
43:47
You can have a little math here and there and I think that's not
43:51
allowed to ask for isn't not allowed to ask for, in the the
43:56
little that we have. In this great time of challenge.
43:58
It's very, it's almost minuscule.
44:01
It's pennies to the dollar. It's Crumbs to the actual
44:05
entire, you know, cake if you will.
44:10
It costs nothing to be a good person.
44:13
It cost everything to stand for something and stand for the ones
44:17
you love and stand in the conviction that you have been
44:21
destined to stand for. And that's what I'm learning
44:25
through this. Great time of Darkness
44:27
challenge. And maybe at home a little, tiny
44:31
tiny, hope of light at the end of that tunnel.
44:36
So in closing, I wanted to share these inner thoughts with you.
44:41
In, maybe they will. Add some diversity in your
44:45
thinking and maybe what you're going through because we are
44:49
going through is a lot of people are going through it as well,
44:52
and we all handle it, cope with it express and share it display
44:56
it very differently, but the one thing that is true is the pain,
45:01
the hurt, whether it's betrayal. Or death or loss is very real.
45:08
It's very human and say human condition.
45:10
And It's something that were not trained for.
45:15
I didn't certainly not. In Norway always prepared but
45:19
returned to do the best we can we trying to mend our way
45:22
through this Jungle of no promises and no guarantees other
45:28
than perseverance. So I want to thank you for
45:33
sharing a bit of this life experience with me.
45:35
As it's my life has been quite a televised for quite some time.
45:40
And what do you couldn't be? I couldn't be in, you know,
45:43
expressing their televising it to a better more effective Crown
45:47
than I have here tonight. He will tell members in
45:49
everybody has been part of this journey and experiences.
45:52
It really truly near and dear to my heart and And that's not
45:57
always easy to say in without being a cliche or novelty, but
46:02
it is the absolute and utter truth.
46:07
And I'm going through a hard time, but I found to get out on
46:12
the other side and top. Of it all.
46:15
And a lot of them will be, thanks a lot of you out there
46:18
for being a crunch whether we know each other personally or
46:22
From a distance, your energy, your messages.
46:28
It really truly means a lot to a guy like me who's alone in this
46:31
world. So, I want to thank you for
46:34
that. I'll be kind of weaving in and
46:37
out where I can hear. I'm preparing to go home and Say
46:40
Goodbye. You might have to my dear
46:43
friend. I'm so thank you for joining me
46:46
tonight. That says, after hours, and I
46:49
will see you. See you down the road.
46:53
So stay tuned, stay awake. The steam room saying, thank you
46:58
and good night.