Latest / Compass Student Ministry Sermons Podcast / Before You Date, Part 2 (Dating Sermon #3) | Louis Azuma

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Before You Date, Part 2 (Dating Sermon #3) | Louis Azuma · Compass Student Ministry Sermons Podcast

0:00
Speaker: We are in the middle of a series on dating.
0:03
Speaker: So we're talking about, um, how to and what to do and how it works.
0:07
Speaker: And so, um, our first week, right, we talked about what dating is, right?
0:13
Speaker: Who...
0:13
Speaker: What it's about, and we talked about how the most important person in your dating relationships is not you.
0:18
Speaker: It's not the person you date.
0:19
Speaker: It's God.
0:19
Speaker: Um, and we looked at this verse, right?
0:21
Speaker: Romans 11:36, which we talked about him here.
0:24
Speaker: Him is God.
0:25
Speaker: So dating and marriage and all those things, uh, they're God's.
0:29
Speaker: God owns them, right?
0:30
Speaker: God owns all the people that you want to date.
0:33
Speaker: God owns the people that you don't wanna date.
0:35
Speaker: God owns you.
0:36
Speaker: Um, and so it's from him and through him, even God sustains everything that we do.
0:41
Speaker: He lets you breathe his air while you try to date.
0:43
Speaker: He lets you use a body that he made for you while you think about dating, and to him.
0:48
Speaker: So we wanna date for God.
0:49
Speaker: We wanna date to the glory of God.
0:51
Speaker: We wanna do it because dating is part of our relationship with God.
0:55
Speaker: It's not something separate.
0:56
Speaker: It's not something on its own in a corner, but dating is part of what, if you're, especially if you're a Christian, what you already are supposed to do, which is love God and help other people love God, too.
1:06
Speaker: And so last week, we talked about what to do before you date.
1:08
Speaker: So part one was that you gotta look at yourself, right?
1:11
Speaker: You gotta look at who you are.
1:12
Speaker: Are you ready?
1:13
Speaker: Are you close to dating?
1:14
Speaker: Are you a person that people would even wanna date?
1:16
Speaker: We talked about all that.
1:17
Speaker: And then this week, we're gonna talk about other people.
1:19
Speaker: So this is the fun one, right?
1:20
Speaker: Who should you date?
1:22
Speaker: Um, and so I was thinking, uh, that, about all that, and you know those memes it's like the girl you date and then the girl you marry, and, like, the girl you date is, like, supposed to be, like,
1:31
Speaker: some super fun and exciting and attractive person, and the girl you marry is, like, super lame but, like, dependable, you know?
1:37
Speaker: That's, like, our culture's perception of dating, right?
1:40
Speaker: Maybe, like, the girl you date and the girl you marry, right Or, or maybe, maybe more like this, right?
1:47
Speaker: The girl you date and the girl you marry, right?
1:49
Speaker: The girl you, you date looks great on the outside.
1:51
Speaker: She looks fun and exciting, and the girl you marry is responsible, right, and, um, takes good care of you and all that stuff.
2:00
Speaker: Um, this was my favorite version of it, right?
2:04
Speaker: This is my favorite version Right?
2:06
Speaker: The, the person you date, right?
2:08
Speaker: They're, they, they're fun.
2:09
Speaker: They, they know how to dance.
2:11
Speaker: They're, they're a good time.
2:13
Speaker: But the person you marry, right?
2:14
Speaker: S- 'cause the whole idea, right, is our culture, the way we look at dating is it's like adventure, right?
2:20
Speaker: It's like exciting and it's fun and it's, it's s- it's different, right?
2:25
Speaker: And that's the way we look at it.
2:26
Speaker: But we look at marriage as not as cool, right?
2:28
Speaker: Not as exciting, not as attractive.
2:31
Speaker: The way I heard one person describe this was the, you date looking for an adventure, but the person you marry helps you survive the adventure, right?
2:39
Speaker: Um, but all that to say is our culture views dating and marriage as even like separate things, right?
2:44
Speaker: Like the qualifications for someone you date are different than the qualifications for someone you'd want to marry, right?
2:50
Speaker: They even separate those two things.
2:52
Speaker: Dating is fun and marriage is like tame and important, right?
2:56
Speaker: That's kind of the way our culture has made this distinction.
2:59
Speaker: And so what I want you to think about with dating, right?
3:01
Speaker: We've talked about how we wanna date with marriage in mind, right?
3:03
Speaker: We wanna date thinking about, okay, the whole time, the point of dating is clarity, right?
3:08
Speaker: The point of dating is not just to have some fun or get some experience.
3:11
Speaker: We talked about not XP farming the people you date, right?
3:14
Speaker: The point of, of dating is just to, to get clarity.
3:18
Speaker: You're, you're trying to make a decision.
3:19
Speaker: Should I marry this person or should I not?
3:22
Speaker: That's the whole point.
3:23
Speaker: And yes, you do need some closeness to figure that out, but the point of dating is a decision.
3:27
Speaker: And so either way, either way you make that decision, I, I want to or I don't want to, you've succeeded, right?
3:34
Speaker: If, if you decide, I don't wanna marry this person, you've accomplished the goal of dating.
3:38
Speaker: You've decided not to which is a success, right?
3:41
Speaker: Um, maybe the other person made the decision for you, but that's, that happens sometimes, right?
3:46
Speaker: But still that's a success, right?
3:47
Speaker: 'Cause you wanna be married to someone who wants to marry you, right?
3:49
Speaker: You don't wanna be married to someone who doesn't wanna marry you.
3:50
Speaker: So, um, yeah, so but I want you to think about how dating is a...
3:56
Speaker: Right?
3:56
Speaker: We're, we're thinking about dating in the, the light of marriage, right?
4:00
Speaker: And so when you're dating, what we think about is it's not separate from marriage.
4:04
Speaker: It's related to it.
4:05
Speaker: It's connected to it.
4:06
Speaker: And so, um, our first point tonight is that when you're dating and you're trying to figure out who I should date, I want you to look for nothing less or more than a spouse.
4:17
Speaker: Nothing less than a spouse, nothing more than a spouse.
4:23
Speaker: I want you to think about dating not as something, okay, well, the qualifications for dating someone are different than marrying someone.
4:30
Speaker: Um, but I want you to think about them as related, right?
4:32
Speaker: I'm not gonna look for a totally different type of person in the person I date than the person that I marry.
4:39
Speaker: Because the person you date is not gonna magically transform into the type of person you wanna marry.
4:44
Speaker: Um, that doesn't happen overnight.
4:46
Speaker: That doesn't happen even over a couple of years sometimes.
4:48
Speaker: Um, so I want you to think about, okay, is this the type of person Not that you have to decide first date if you wanna marry them, right?
4:54
Speaker: That's just, it's just a date.
4:55
Speaker: It's not a, not a proposal, right?
4:57
Speaker: Um, but I want you to think about it.
4:58
Speaker: So let's start with this nothing more than a spouse, okay?
5:01
Speaker: 'Cause that's probably more confusing.
5:02
Speaker: So look for nothing less than a spouse, but also look for nothing more than a spouse.
5:06
Speaker: We talked about this a little bit last week, right?
5:08
Speaker: But when you're dating, you're not looking for someone to replace Jesus for you, right?
5:12
Speaker: You're not looking for a savior.
5:14
Speaker: You're not looking for someone to be your whole world or your everything, or your all in all, or to complete you, or to, to fill you up.
5:22
Speaker: And I know those are sometimes cheesy things, but even if we wouldn't say that, sometimes that's what we're looking for when we date.
5:27
Speaker: We're looking for someone to be even better than what marriage is supposed to be.
5:32
Speaker: Sometimes when we date, we're looking for something that God is supposed to be for us, right?
5:37
Speaker: We talked about how sometimes we're looking for security, and that's why we date, right?
5:42
Speaker: We're looking for this, this person that I'm gonna date, they're gonna make me feel safe, either emotionally or relationally, or there's the stability of being in a relationship, or sometimes you just feel like, well, I don't wanna be
5:52
Speaker: single forever, so it's better to be dating someone so at least I have the option of potentially marrying them.
5:57
Speaker: Or maybe we're looking for respect from someone, or maybe not even from that person, maybe from our peers.
6:02
Speaker: Maybe we're looking for closeness or completeness, right?
6:04
Speaker: And that's why we date.
6:06
Speaker: And so we don't wanna turn that person into what we should be looking really for from God.
6:11
Speaker: You guys remember a while ago we played that game Worship Song or Love Song, right?
6:15
Speaker: The whole reason that's a game that's actually, like, kinda hard and fun to play is because a lot of people talk about their date or their spouse or the person they're in love with the same way they talk
6:26
Speaker: about God, right?
6:27
Speaker: And the, the, the whole reason that's a thing is because we try to, to turn the person we're dating or we're looking for to, to marry, we turn that into the person that is everything to us.
6:38
Speaker: And so don't look for someone to be that for you, 'cause that person is not gonna be able to do that.
6:45
Speaker: Um, you're gonna crush them with all your hopes, all your dreams, your vision of what a perfect marriage or perfect relationship is supposed to be like.
6:55
Speaker: You're That person is not gonna be able to hold that weight for you Right?
7:00
Speaker: So don't fall in love with this imaginary idea of what a person, whether it's a girl or a guy or even a relationship, is supposed to look like.
7:10
Speaker: And your culture, our culture is feeding you all these fake images, right?
7:13
Speaker: The reason that Instagram is so popular is because it feeds you a bunch of fake stuff, and you're like, "Wow, I wish my life was like that."
7:20
Speaker: And that's why it works, right?
7:21
Speaker: Or TV or movies, right?
7:22
Speaker: That, that's what they do.
7:24
Speaker: Um, so and, and some people, it's not that they're looking to date.
7:28
Speaker: They're actually staying single because they're in love with an imaginary idea.
7:33
Speaker: Their standards are so astronomically high and unrealistic that they can't find anyone to meet the standards, right?
7:41
Speaker: So maybe it's you're actually looking for someone who's not, who's not a real person.
7:46
Speaker: You're looking for someone...
7:47
Speaker: You've got all your, your list of ginormous preferences, and it, it's not a real person, that there's no one that meets your criteria.
7:53
Speaker: So maybe that's why you have such a hard time.
7:58
Speaker: Or maybe it causes you to just casually date people, and you're too scared to commit 'cause you're looking for more than a spouse.
8:03
Speaker: You're not trusting the Lord.
8:04
Speaker: You're looking for someone to be God for you, to keep you safe, to, to make you feel full and make you feel good.
8:11
Speaker: And so we don't wanna look for anything more than a spouse when we date.
8:16
Speaker: Right?
8:16
Speaker: Don't put the weight of the world on your date's shoulders.
8:20
Speaker: They're not gonna be able to carry it for you.
8:22
Speaker: But we also don't wanna look for anything less than a spouse, and a lot of people do this too, right?
8:28
Speaker: We're not just looking for a fun experience when we date, and sometimes that's what we do.
8:31
Speaker: We, we...
8:32
Speaker: The qualities we look for.
8:33
Speaker: Oh, do I wanna date this person?
8:34
Speaker: Well, are they fun?
8:36
Speaker: Do they like me?
8:37
Speaker: Do they think I'm funny?
8:37
Speaker: Do I think they're cute?
8:38
Speaker: Do I think they're pretty?
8:39
Speaker: Do I think they're handsome, right?
8:41
Speaker: Um, that's what we think just because we, we just, oh, is there a chemistry?
8:45
Speaker: Okay, boom.
8:46
Speaker: I should date them, right?
8:48
Speaker: And sure, maybe that's, that's...
8:49
Speaker: You should maybe try to see if you wanna date them if there's chemistry, but that's not all you should think about, right?
8:56
Speaker: Because you're not looking for something entirely different than a spouse, right?
9:00
Speaker: The person you date is not a different person completely than the type of person that you'd want to marry.
9:08
Speaker: And so you're not just looking for someone who is going to fulfill these dating desires and not these marriage desires, right?
9:19
Speaker: But also, a- and this is maybe a little bit more Something newer for you guys, is you're not just looking for an opposite sex version of your best friends, right?
9:34
Speaker: If you're a, if you're a girl, you're not just looking for a guy version of your girl best friends, 'cause he's a guy.
9:40
Speaker: He's gonna be different inherently.
9:42
Speaker: There's gonna be things about him as a, as a guy, as a man, that make him different than your girl best friends.
9:49
Speaker: So don't look for a guy who's just like all your, your girl friends.
9:53
Speaker: Or don't look for a girl who's just like all your guy friends.
9:55
Speaker: Don't expect the same things from a girl that you would from a guy, right?
10:00
Speaker: So I know that's kind of crazy to say in our culture today, right?
10:04
Speaker: But I'll let, let me illustrate this for you, okay?
10:08
Speaker: Let's say, um, I'll start over here.
10:10
Speaker: Maybe y- for a, for a girl, right?
10:12
Speaker: You're looking for, um, a guy who's gonna maybe...
10:17
Speaker: Who's, like, emotionally as sensitive as you, and as thoughtful, and, and notices all these little things.
10:23
Speaker: And, and what you're really looking for is a guy who's maybe a little more like your girlfriends than how a guy normally functions, right?
10:34
Speaker: Maybe you're looking for that type of person, and you, you start to realize, "Oh, I'm just looking for a guy who acts like one of my girlfriends."
10:41
Speaker: Instead of you're not looking for someone who's maybe...
10:43
Speaker: A, uh, the guy quality you'd be looking for is someone who's assertive, who's a leader, who protects you, right?
10:49
Speaker: Or for guys, maybe you're looking for a girl who is going to, to do all the, the cool guy things with you, and you're gonna be able to make fun of them and, and do all the normal bro
10:58
Speaker: things, right?
10:59
Speaker: That's not what you're looking for when you're looking for a girl, right?
11:03
Speaker: So you're not just looking for a male or female version of all your, your friends, right?
11:09
Speaker: You're looking for a spouse, right?
11:11
Speaker: And I also want you to think about that.
11:12
Speaker: You're not just looking for a best friend, you're looking for a spouse.
11:19
Speaker: Those are not exactly the same.
11:22
Speaker: The job description for best friend and the job description for spouse are not identical.
11:28
Speaker: Because marriage is a little different than being friends, for a lot of reasons that you guys probably know.
11:33
Speaker: But for...
11:34
Speaker: There, there's a job description for marriage, right?
11:39
Speaker: It, there's, there's a difference in how a marriage works than how a friendship works, and that's why what you need to do is you need to learn about how marriage actually works.
11:51
Speaker: So our second point is learn about marriage before you date.
11:57
Speaker: Learn about marriage before you date And I want you to imagine that you got drafted, um, to be in the Army, right?
12:13
Speaker: That World War III happened, and they started- you're, you know, you just turned 18, so they, they called you up.
12:18
Speaker: They're like, "We need you," right?
12:20
Speaker: Hopefully they wouldn't do this for you, but the way our culture's going, they might.
12:23
Speaker: Uh, because that's what our culture wants.
12:26
Speaker: They want women to be treated like men and men to be treated like women.
12:28
Speaker: But that's a different sermon.
12:30
Speaker: Um, but you're, you're, you're supposed to learn all this stuff about how to be in the military, right?
12:39
Speaker: But instead you're like, "Well, you know, I've done some things that are kinda like being in the military," right?
12:42
Speaker: "I've, I've played Call of Duty.
12:44
Speaker: Um, I've played Fortnite," right?
12:46
Speaker: That's similar, right?
12:47
Speaker: Maybe you're like, "Well, I haven't, you know, I haven't put on the, the parachute and jumped out of the plane, but, you know, we've dropped at Tilted before," right?
12:55
Speaker: We know, we know what's going on, right?
12:57
Speaker: So maybe that's, that's...
12:59
Speaker: You're like, "Well, you know, it's similar.
13:01
Speaker: We've done it."
13:02
Speaker: But You would be foolish, you would be foolish to learn, to, to, to not learn about what you're supposed to get yourself into, right?
13:14
Speaker: Or imagine, maybe this is more relevant to you're supposed to take your driver's test and you're like, "Well, I played Mario Kart," right?
13:19
Speaker: Uh, I, I know how the road works, right?
13:22
Speaker: I've, you know, I've, I've used the Wii Wheel before, right?
13:25
Speaker: At my, at my parents' house.
13:27
Speaker: Um, but do you guys know what that is?
13:29
Speaker: Yeah.
13:29
Speaker: Okay.
13:31
Speaker: Good.
13:31
Speaker: I'm not that old.
13:32
Speaker: Um- So before you start even thinking about, "Okay, who do I look for?"
13:39
Speaker: Well, w- you're looking for a specific job description, right?
13:44
Speaker: Marriage has a job description.
13:45
Speaker: I don't know if you ever thought about this.
13:46
Speaker: Marriage isn't just like a state of being.
13:49
Speaker: There's actually like specific things that you're supposed to, your marriage is supposed to do and be like, right?
13:55
Speaker: You're, you're looking for a person who's gonna do this, a- a- and I hate to say this, but this job with you.
14:02
Speaker: It's more than a job.
14:02
Speaker: It's better than a job.
14:04
Speaker: But there are, there's a job description for what it looks like to, to be married.
14:07
Speaker: There's specific qualities that a husband is supposed to have and that a wife is supposed to have.
14:12
Speaker: There's specific thing, and they're different.
14:13
Speaker: They're not the same, right?
14:14
Speaker: The, the, the wife is supposed to be different than her husband.
14:17
Speaker: It's kind of the whole point of the marriage, right?
14:19
Speaker: That's, that's why if two people that are exactly the same get married, um, right, that's, that's Romans one, right?
14:26
Speaker: That's what we talked about in the Book of Romans last fall.
14:29
Speaker: So I want you to learn about marriage, okay?
14:32
Speaker: So, well, what's the point of marriage, right?
14:34
Speaker: Well, why does marriage exist?
14:35
Speaker: Well, marriage is really just a picture.
14:38
Speaker: Marriage is a parable.
14:39
Speaker: It's an illustration.
14:40
Speaker: It's a play, if you will.
14:42
Speaker: Uh, that's what Ephesians 5:32 says.
14:44
Speaker: In, in Ephesians 5, uh, verse 32, we see it.
14:47
Speaker: "So this mystery," he's talking about marriage, "is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church."
14:55
Speaker: So marriage really, what you're doing when you're married, you're not just doing a bunch of stuff that you think is really fun and makes you happy.
15:02
Speaker: You're not just finding your soulmate or marrying your best friend.
15:06
Speaker: When you are trying to get married, what you're trying to do is act out God's love for his church.
15:13
Speaker: That's what marriage is about.
15:15
Speaker: The, the point of marriage is for people to look at your relationship with your spouse and say, "Oh yeah, that's what, that's how Jesus loves his people, and that's how his people love him back and trust him and
15:25
Speaker: follow him."
15:26
Speaker: That's what marriage is for.
15:28
Speaker: And if you don't like that, well, who made marriage?
15:33
Speaker: God did, right?
15:35
Speaker: Mar- you can't co-opt marriage and say, "Well, yeah, I know you made marriage, God, but guess what?
15:40
Speaker: I wanna do it this way 'cause my way's better."
15:44
Speaker: Right?
15:44
Speaker: Marriage isn't whatever you want it to be.
15:46
Speaker: You don't get to decide how marriage works, right?
15:50
Speaker: Marriage is designed by God to, for a specific purpose, not just to make you happy, right?
15:55
Speaker: It'll do that if you do it well.
15:57
Speaker: But the point of marriage is a picture.
16:00
Speaker: It's a picture of Christ and his church.
16:03
Speaker: It's about displaying God, right?
16:04
Speaker: Marriage is a platform for God.
16:06
Speaker: The point of marriage isn't for you to, to m- meet, have all your dreams come true and for you to find your soulmate and, and do all these wonderful romantic things together.
16:16
Speaker: Um, the, the point of marriage is a display of God And some of the way you do that is by loving each other and doing a lot of really awesome things, right?
16:27
Speaker: And raising a family and caring for each other, right?
16:29
Speaker: But, um, the primary goal of marriage is a display.
16:34
Speaker: And so each person in that marriage, the husband and the wife, they have specific ways they do that, and they're different from each other.
16:41
Speaker: So we'll start with, with husbands, right?
16:43
Speaker: And so for, for you guys, this is your job description, right?
16:46
Speaker: This is the type of person that, that you're supposed to be in a marriage.
16:51
Speaker: And ladies, this is the type of person you should look for, right?
16:54
Speaker: You're These, this is the job description of a husband.
16:56
Speaker: So if you're trying to, to date, you wanna see, okay, is this guy seem like he's demonstrating the potential to do these things, right?
17:03
Speaker: He's not gonna do things perfectly.
17:05
Speaker: That's why he's not Jesus, right?
17:07
Speaker: Um, but you wanna look for, okay, is the guy gonna do these type of things?
17:13
Speaker: 'Cause that's what the job description is.
17:15
Speaker: That's what you're signing up for when you get married And so here we go in verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
17:25
Speaker: So we wanna look for a guy who, who loves, but not just how anyone loves, how Christ loves.
17:32
Speaker: Well, first thing about that love, it's sacrificial, right?
17:35
Speaker: So we're looking for someone, for a guy specifically, who is sacrificial, who lays himself down for the good of other people, even at cost to himself.
17:44
Speaker: That's what we're looking for in a marriage.
17:47
Speaker: Now, the purpose of that sacrifice, I want you to see that, the purpose of what you might call servant leadership is not just so the wife can do whatever she wants.
17:57
Speaker: The, the purpose of that is that he might sanctify her.
18:01
Speaker: There's a purpose here.
18:02
Speaker: The purpose of the husband's sacrifice is to make his wife more like Jesus.
18:08
Speaker: And that's why last week we talked about if you're not making anyone else more like Jesus, why would you think that in a dating relationship you're suddenly gonna be this type of person?
18:16
Speaker: Or in a marriage you're gonna be this type of person.
18:19
Speaker: Right?
18:19
Speaker: You, you wanna be a sanctifying person.
18:21
Speaker: Am I making other people more like Jesus?
18:23
Speaker: Am I helping them love Jesus more?
18:25
Speaker: That's the job description in a marriage.
18:29
Speaker: Well, specifically, how do you sanctify someone?
18:31
Speaker: How do you make them more like Jesus?
18:32
Speaker: You use the Bible.
18:33
Speaker: That's what this means, washing of the water with the word.
18:35
Speaker: So you're looking for a dude who knows his Bible.
18:37
Speaker: It's your job, dude, to know your Bible.
18:40
Speaker: Husband's job, use God's word for the good of my wife to help her love Jesus more and be more like Jesus.
18:47
Speaker: That's the husband's job, and that's what we wanna think about when we're dating.
18:52
Speaker: Is this the type of guy who does this?
18:53
Speaker: Does he care about the Bible?
18:54
Speaker: Does he spend time in the Bible?
18:56
Speaker: Does he read the Bible ever?
18:57
Speaker: Does he pay attention during sermons?
19:00
Speaker: That's the type of thing that you wanna see, right?
19:03
Speaker: That's the th- type of thing that you want to be working towards.
19:05
Speaker: And again, the goal of this, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor.
19:12
Speaker: You want your...
19:13
Speaker: Right, your goal as a husband, my goal as a husband, is that I can stand before God one day and say that my wife is more beautiful by God's standards, right?
19:25
Speaker: She loves Jesus more.
19:26
Speaker: She's more mature.
19:28
Speaker: She's more wise.
19:32
Speaker: Because she's married to me.
19:35
Speaker: That's the type of husband that God expects every husband to be.
19:40
Speaker: This isn't just for the super godly husbands.
19:42
Speaker: This isn't just for the Christian husbands who are serious about their faith.
19:48
Speaker: There's no qualifiers here before husbands, right?
19:51
Speaker: Doesn't say varsity husbands, just says husbands.
19:55
Speaker: So it, it's a big deal.
19:57
Speaker: Right?
19:58
Speaker: The goal here is, there's a goal here for marriage.
20:00
Speaker: It's a job description, right?
20:02
Speaker: And, and this is the type of person that, guys, you wanna be, and this is the type of, of man that you wanna start looking for.
20:09
Speaker: And so again, is he gonna do all these things perfectly?
20:11
Speaker: Is he gonna, you know, be amazing and all this stuff?
20:15
Speaker: No.
20:17
Speaker: But you should start to see, okay, this is the type of guy who has these demonstrable patterns in his life
20:24
Speaker 2: That's what we're looking for,
20:25
Speaker: right?
20:26
Speaker: And w- uh, there's more.
20:27
Speaker: God says more about that.
20:28
Speaker: You notice the, the husband part is really long.
20:30
Speaker: It's way longer than the wife part.
20:33
Speaker: Um, because And the wife part, people don't really like the wife part, right?
20:36
Speaker: Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
20:38
Speaker: People don't like that part.
20:40
Speaker: But if the husband is doing these things, he who loves his wife, loves himself, loves his wife as his own body, it's easy to follow that type of guy.
20:50
Speaker: It's easy to follow the guy who's working for your good, who cares for you, who loves you.
20:54
Speaker: That's the type of guy that's easier to follow.
20:55
Speaker: It's not always easy, but easier.
20:57
Speaker: 'Cause sometimes, ladies, the problem is, is we're sinners, right?
21:01
Speaker: And so our flesh says, "Well, I know he loves me and make, is trying to make me more like Jesus, but I don't want it."
21:06
Speaker: And that happens sometimes, right?
21:08
Speaker: Um, or sometimes he's not good at his job, right?
21:11
Speaker: And that's, that happens.
21:12
Speaker: And that's the point, marriage points to Jesus.
21:16
Speaker: And if you think about it, Jesus does these things.
21:18
Speaker: He loves you more than his own body.
21:21
Speaker: He gave up his body for you.
21:24
Speaker: Jesus' body was beaten, bruised, spit on, nailed to a cross, bled, died for you, because of his love for you.
21:35
Speaker: That's the type of love Jesus has, right?
21:36
Speaker: And he's the best husband.
21:38
Speaker: That's the, the whole point of marriage, right?
21:41
Speaker: Even think about this, nourishes and cherishes it.
21:43
Speaker: You want a guy who is life-giving.
21:46
Speaker: He, he brings life to the people around him.
21:49
Speaker: And again, this is, none of this is necessarily always reserved for marriage, right?
21:52
Speaker: You can start doing these things before marriage.
21:54
Speaker: But you want a guy who's, who's life-giving.
21:56
Speaker: He, he keeps people safe.
21:57
Speaker: He protects people.
21:59
Speaker: He's the kind of p- person that you feel safe around.
22:02
Speaker: You don't feel like he's taking advantage of you or using you or, um, looking out for him.
22:06
Speaker: He's looking out for everyone else.
22:08
Speaker: That's the job description for marriage.
22:10
Speaker: That's what you're signing up for when you get married.
22:12
Speaker: And maybe you're thinking, "I'm not a Christian, it doesn't matter."
22:15
Speaker: God made marriage.
22:17
Speaker: God knows people, and this is Even if you're not a Christian, if you do these type of things, which you won't be able to because you'll find that you don't have this type of sacrificial love, but if you
22:27
Speaker: try, your marriage will be a little better, because that's the way God designed marriage to work.
22:32
Speaker: If you go into marriage or dating trying to get something for you out of it, not gonna work.
22:39
Speaker: The whole point, that's why, that's why everyone's getting divorced these days, because their, their marriage didn't give them everything they wanted, and so they're like, "I'm done.
22:46
Speaker: I'm out So that's what the job description for a husband is, and we could talk about the first half of this and what it looks like to follow that.
22:57
Speaker: But I want you to see, I think this verse is actually more helpful.
23:00
Speaker: Genesis 2 talks about what a wife's job description is.
23:03
Speaker: I want you to see this.
23:05
Speaker: This is the first marriage, right?
23:07
Speaker: The Garden of Eden.
23:08
Speaker: God said, "It's not good that a man should be alone.
23:11
Speaker: I will make a helper fit for him."
23:13
Speaker: Right?
23:13
Speaker: A helper that, that's a good fit, that, that works well.
23:17
Speaker: Now, we usually take this verse and say, "Oh yeah, you know, you should have friends," right?
23:21
Speaker: Um, I want you to see why it's not good that the guy's alone.
23:27
Speaker: He needs help with something.
23:31
Speaker: What does he need help with?
23:32
Speaker: Well, in Genesis chapter 1, God gave the guy, he gave Adam a mission.
23:36
Speaker: He said, "Guard the, guard the garden and work the ground."
23:40
Speaker: Right?
23:40
Speaker: You got a job to do.
23:42
Speaker: And so God made woman to help him with that mission.
23:47
Speaker: You tracking so far?
23:49
Speaker: So God said, "Well, Adam needs help, so I'm gonna make him a helper."
23:55
Speaker: Right?
23:56
Speaker: So your job as a, as a wife is you need to find a, a, a guy who, if you're, if you're...
24:05
Speaker: I mean, again, you don't have to get married, right?
24:07
Speaker: But if you want to get married, this is what you're looking for, right?
24:09
Speaker: You're looking for a guy who has a mission, who has a purpose.
24:14
Speaker: Right?
24:14
Speaker: You're, you're not looking for the guy who's in his fifth year of community college because he's just circling the airport, right?
24:24
Speaker: Um, what we're doing here is we're, we're seeing that r- and again, e- even the word submission, right?
24:31
Speaker: Submission.
24:32
Speaker: Well, what's, what word is in submission besides sub?
24:35
Speaker: Right, mission.
24:37
Speaker: Right?
24:38
Speaker: You can't follow someone who's not going anywhere.
24:40
Speaker: That's my point.
24:42
Speaker: Um, so guys, if, if you're gonna be a husband, you need to be going somewhere.
24:47
Speaker: You need to have a direction in life.
24:48
Speaker: And again, you don't need to know exactly what that's gonna be, but you start with, "Okay, my, my mission in life is to love God and help other people love Him.
24:56
Speaker: How am I gonna do that?"
24:57
Speaker: Okay.
24:58
Speaker: Well, let's start and, and figure out what that looks like for you specifically.
25:01
Speaker: And so ladies, you're looking for a guy who's already gonna do...
25:03
Speaker: who's on his way doing that, and you say, "Okay, I'll help you do that.
25:06
Speaker: That's what I wanna do.
25:07
Speaker: I wanna come alongside you, and I wanna help you make that happen.
25:10
Speaker: I wanna s- I wanna help you, and we're gonna be a team, and I'm gonna support you, and we're gonna help you love God, and I'm gonna be loving God more because that's your job is to help me
25:18
Speaker: love God more, and it's gonna be great."
25:22
Speaker: Right?
25:22
Speaker: That's, that's what the job description is.
25:25
Speaker: And so guys, you're looking for a girl who's gonna, right, make you, help you become, right, the type of man that we just talked about.
25:36
Speaker: So again, totally different job description than maybe you thought about when you first thought about marriage.
25:41
Speaker: Right?
25:41
Speaker: Maybe the first thing you thought about, about marriage is, oh yeah, we just, you know, we wanna have a cool family and do all sorts of fun stuff and, you know, save up and then go on a bunch
25:48
Speaker: of, like, cruises in retirement, right?
25:50
Speaker: Maybe that's what you thought marriage was about.
25:52
Speaker: Or maybe you thought marriage was just about being able to experience all these different life phases and, uh, uh, again, it's, that's great, but all of that comes under what's the point?
26:01
Speaker: What's the job description of marriage?
26:04
Speaker: And this is just a little bit of that.
26:06
Speaker: But again, the whole point is we need to...
26:09
Speaker: it's just gonna help us value the right things.
26:11
Speaker: Right?
26:11
Speaker: If, if you know what marriage is for, it'll help you look for the right things It's kinda like, um, if you're building a house, the most important things in the house are not the curtains or the railing on
26:26
Speaker: the stairs or the, you know, the, what kinda couch you got or whether there's, the kitchen's a island or what kinda countertops there are, right?
26:36
Speaker: And I think sometimes in dating, that's what we focus on.
26:39
Speaker: We focus on the countertop and the chairs and the dining table, and whether it's one story or two story.
26:46
Speaker: But what we don't focus on is the foundation of the house.
26:50
Speaker: The foundation, walls, the roof, right?
26:53
Speaker: We don't focus on that stuff that really matters 'cause all the other things And you can have preferences about those things, that's okay.
27:01
Speaker: Right, you can have preferences about, about the cushions and the curtains and how many bedrooms there are.
27:06
Speaker: You can have, you can have preferences, that's okay.
27:10
Speaker: But you need to have high standards for the essentials.
27:13
Speaker: Right?
27:13
Speaker: There's a job description here.
27:15
Speaker: There's a goal for my marriage.
27:18
Speaker: And that starts with the type of person you date.
27:22
Speaker: You If you're dating someone to change them, not a good start.
27:27
Speaker: That's not how it works, right?
27:28
Speaker: They're probably gonna change you more than you're gonna change them.
27:31
Speaker: Um, so again, you need to have high standards for what really matters, and what really matters is what God says is really important for a marriage.
27:43
Speaker: And then again, you can have as many preferences as you want, just, this is personal advice here, the more picky you are with preferences, the more content you should be with being single.
27:54
Speaker: Because the more picky you are about your preferences, and then you're complaining, "Oh, there's no one for me to date," well, that's because you're really picky.
28:03
Speaker: Sorry.
28:05
Speaker: Right?
28:06
Speaker: But it's okay if, if you're okay with that, right?
28:08
Speaker: If you say, "I love being single.
28:10
Speaker: It's great.
28:10
Speaker: I give being single, you know, an eight and a half out of 10," great.
28:14
Speaker: Then wait till all the nines and 10s show up, right?
28:16
Speaker: But you might be waiting a long time.
28:17
Speaker: But again, if you're okay with that, that's fine.
28:20
Speaker: But if you're like, "Oh, being single is terrible," then maybe you gotta, you gotta figure out, "Okay, you know what?
28:25
Speaker: I don't need these types of curtains in my house," right?
28:28
Speaker: "I don't need to have these types of, of countertops."
28:32
Speaker: Right?
28:33
Speaker: So again, that's just, that's personal advice.
28:35
Speaker: But all that to say is the, the important part is what does God say about marriage?
28:39
Speaker: Well, he says, "Husbands, this is your job.
28:42
Speaker: Wives, this is your job."
28:43
Speaker: Right?
28:44
Speaker: And that's the standard God is gonna care about for your marriage.
28:47
Speaker: That's what we wanna care about for our marriages, too.
28:50
Speaker: So learn about marriage before you date.
28:54
Speaker: Um, and then the third thing I want you to see and look for in someone you're thinking about dating is I want you to date someone who loves Jesus more than you.
29:04
Speaker: Date someone who loves Jesus more than you There's two ways you could read this point.
29:11
Speaker: That's intentional.
29:12
Speaker: It's intentionally ambiguous, not amphibious.
29:16
Speaker: Ambiguous.
29:17
Speaker: If you point, if you put this point in water, it will not work.
29:21
Speaker: Um, it's not ambidextrous either, but it is ambiguous.
29:29
Speaker: Some of you are so lost right now.
29:31
Speaker 2: I, I'm reading the chat.
29:33
Speaker: So ambiguous is someone who can shoot with their right hand or their left hand.
29:37
Speaker: I'm just kidding.
29:41
Speaker: I'm just kidding.
29:43
Speaker: Ambiguous, right?
29:44
Speaker: Ambiguous.
29:45
Speaker: It means it's intentionally unclear If you're confused about what I said, ask your leader in small group, and they'll probably just gaslight you into thinking something else.
29:56
Speaker: But, uh, especially Matt.
29:58
Speaker: But- So date someone who loves Jesus more than you, okay?
30:03
Speaker: Um, there's two levels to this, right?
30:06
Speaker: First thing, that this is es- this is the essential level, okay?
30:09
Speaker: You need to date someone who loves Jesus more than they love you.
30:16
Speaker: That's the essential.
30:17
Speaker: Date someone who loves Jesus more than they love you It'd be great if they love Jesus more than you love Jesus.
30:26
Speaker: That's the second way you could read this point.
30:28
Speaker: Um, it'd be great if they love Jesus more than you love Jesus, but the essential is you wanna date someone who loves Jesus more than they love you.
30:39
Speaker: And think about it this way.
30:40
Speaker: A lot of people, they let Christian enough slide.
30:44
Speaker: Uh, this person, they're, they're loosely Christian, right?
30:47
Speaker: They go to church, or they believe God exists, or they're Maybe they're a Christian.
30:54
Speaker: There's You know, if you squint really hard, there's some evidence that they're a Christian.
30:58
Speaker: Um, but we say how lit- you know, how Like, what's the bare minimum of Christian they can be so they meet all of my other preferences that have nothing to do with what God says?
31:09
Speaker: That's what we do sometimes, right?
31:11
Speaker: We say, "I just want Okay, as long as they're, like, relatively close to Christian, you know, maybe If they could work at Chick-fil-A, like, okay, maybe," right?
31:18
Speaker: But then I have all of my cushions and drapes and chairs that I care about more, right?
31:26
Speaker: That's not what we want.
31:29
Speaker: Don't let Christian enough 'Cause that, again, that defeats the whole purpose of your marriage.
31:33
Speaker: What's the whole point of your marriage?
31:35
Speaker: To make God look great.
31:36
Speaker: And so if you date someone who doesn't really care about God or God's, you know, loosely on the radar, you're missing the whole point of marriage.
31:47
Speaker: And just for a moment, I know we're running out of time here, but just think about what it would be like to be married to a spiritually dead person or a spiritually lethargic person, right?
32:00
Speaker: Slow or just lazy, right?
32:02
Speaker: They're spiritually not interested, right?
32:05
Speaker: Um, imagine you're, you're really excited about your favorite worship song, right?
32:10
Speaker: You're, you're, you're stoked about it.
32:12
Speaker: You just, you love singing it.
32:13
Speaker: And you go and you're, you're talking to your, your wife or your husband, and they're just like, "Yeah, it's cool."
32:21
Speaker: That's lame, right?
32:22
Speaker: That's really You can't share what you're most passionate about, right?
32:27
Speaker: Or imagine you're, you know, later on in your marriage and you're facing some financial trouble.
32:30
Speaker: Maybe there's some big bills you gotta pay: car accident, emergency room.
32:35
Speaker: And you know that you're praying, but they're not A- and you want someone to pray with, but you have to, you, you have to leave your house to find someone to pray with Right?
32:52
Speaker: That stinks.
32:54
Speaker: Or imagine you're teaching your kids about the Bible, and dad's in the other room because he doesn't care Or mom's rolling her eyes when you're excited about what God has to say That's what I want you to think
33:10
Speaker: about when you're like, "Oh, well, he's kinda Christian," or, "Yeah, well, she goes to church, but she's really attractive, so..."
33:19
Speaker: Right?
33:20
Speaker: Well, think about what are you gonna do when your mom's at the hospital and you go visit her, and you wanna pray with your spouse a- and they just stare at you, and they say, "Everything's gonna be okay,"
33:36
Speaker: 'cause they don't have a God to trust in, right?
33:39
Speaker: They don't believe in the same God you do, right?
33:42
Speaker: It's sad.
33:44
Speaker: And that's the stuff we don't think about because we're like, "Well, I just don't wanna be single, and I wanna date, and I wanna have all these fun, cool experiences," right?
33:54
Speaker: So we wanna date someone who loves Jesus more than they love us, right?
33:57
Speaker: And also, if you're dating someone who loves you more than they love Jesus, well, guess what you are?
34:03
Speaker: You're an idol, right?
34:05
Speaker: Not like the BTS song, right?
34:07
Speaker: You're an idol.
34:08
Speaker: You're, you're bad for them.
34:11
Speaker: Um, that was for, like, three of you who I know listen to BTS, but you're too scared to admit it because people will make fun of you.
34:18
Speaker: Um- But think about it, right?
34:27
Speaker: If someone, if someone loves you more than they love God, they're expecting you to be what God is for you, right?
34:38
Speaker: Um, so they, they need you more than they love you.
34:42
Speaker: I want you to think about it like that.
34:43
Speaker: They need you more than they love you, right?
34:46
Speaker: And, and you're a terrible god.
34:47
Speaker: You're gonna let them down.
34:48
Speaker: You're gonna disappoint them, and then they're gonna be like, "Okay, what do I do with this?"
34:54
Speaker: Right?
34:54
Speaker: "This person I built my whole life on let me down."
34:59
Speaker: So as you think about who I'm supposed to date, right?
35:03
Speaker: Again, the essentials are Are important.
35:08
Speaker: The preferences, you can figure that out, right?
35:11
Speaker: And we'll talk more about specific things in the next couple sermons.
35:13
Speaker: But, um, I just want you to remember that a, a godly marriage, and that's what we're dating for, right?
35:19
Speaker: Isn't just two kind of Christian people who get married.
35:22
Speaker: That's not what makes a marriage good.
35:24
Speaker: What makes a marriage good is two Christians who love Jesus and they love each other, right?
35:30
Speaker: And, and that's what we're after.
35:31
Speaker: And the whole point of marriage is to display God.
35:34
Speaker: And so we wanna do that the way God has designed it to work.
35:39
Speaker: So let's pray.
35:40
Speaker: We can talk about that more in small groups.
35:44
Speaker: Father in heaven, um, you've made marriage for us to enjoy, um, but also for us to think about because it's supposed to show us something.
35:55
Speaker: It's supposed to show us some of the amazing love that you've shown us.
36:00
Speaker: And so I pray for all these young people.
36:02
Speaker: I know these are some big thoughts and maybe thoughts that they haven't ever thought about before, so I pray that you help them to even just get a glimpse of what your love is like.
36:11
Speaker: I pray that, um, even for all of our, our leaders in the room who are married, that you help us to show what you're like through our marriages, and I pray for these students, that you help them to
36:21
Speaker: look for important things when they think about dating and not let preferences be more important than, um, the essentials.
36:29
Speaker: We pray all this in Jesus' name.
36:31
Speaker: Amen.