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#1639 Understanding You - Harps (PT1) · The You Project

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I get a team happy Monday. Maybe I think this
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: has going up Monday. It's Sunday, as I record, it's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: two thirty.
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  Speaker 2: It's Sunday. It's the eighth of the.
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  Speaker 1: Ninth, September eight, twenty twenty four. I hope this finds
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  Speaker 1: you well. Whatever day you're listening to it, wherever you are,
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  Speaker 1: whatever you're doing, whatever you're in the middle of.
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  Speaker 2: I hope this finds you well.
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  Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of a different podcast, precipitated
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: by the fact that I was running a workshop this morning.
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  Speaker 1: I was running a workshop called Understanding You, which is
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  Speaker 1: a new workshop that I'm doing, and I was doing
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  Speaker 1: it here in Melps and as I said, it's now
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  Speaker 1: two thirty one. I their workshop went from nine thirty
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  Speaker 1: to twelve thirty, and is as is often my way,
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  Speaker 1: I got. I got, you know, not sidetracked, but caught up.
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  Speaker 1: And I didn't get through, you know, because once I
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  Speaker 1: start fucking, it's conversational mayhem. And I'm not that great
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  Speaker 1: at following a plan or a script. I've been intuitive,
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  Speaker 1: bit instinctive. I'm in the moment, you know, I just
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  Speaker 1: connect with the audience and then and not that I'm
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  Speaker 1: typically a script follower at all, but I did do
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  Speaker 1: a fair bit of prep to get through some particular
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  Speaker 1: stuff that I wanted to get through, and I didn't
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  Speaker 1: get through everything. So I said to the group, I
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  Speaker 1: might cover the stuff that I didn't cover or some
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  Speaker 1: of it in a podcast this week. So I just
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  Speaker 1: got home and for some reason, I still have some energy,
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  Speaker 1: which is awesome, so I thought I might capitalize on that.
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  Speaker 2: But so for the.
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  Speaker 1: Vast, vast, vast vast majority of you that weren't there, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking about the idea of trying to understand the
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  Speaker 1: self that is in the middle of your life, the
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  Speaker 1: self of the capital s you. And this is something
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  Speaker 1: that has long fascinated me and is a central conversation
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  Speaker 1: piece to much of my workshops and seminars and thinking
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  Speaker 1: out Loud and online ramblings. And I created a little
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  Speaker 1: kind of an eight step model that is not the
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  Speaker 1: idea is not completely original, that's for sure. I've just
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  Speaker 1: added and expanded and moven a few stories and examples
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  Speaker 1: into the middle of that. But it's something that some
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  Speaker 1: of you might find valuable on the journey of trying
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  Speaker 1: to understand who you are for yourself and for others,
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  Speaker 1: trying to understand who you are, physically, mentally, emotionally, personally, professionally,
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  Speaker 1: what you're about. So I think trying to understand us,
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  Speaker 1: trying to understand, you know, for me, trying to understand
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  Speaker 1: my mind has been an ongoing thing, trying to understand
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  Speaker 1: my biological or genetic potential, trying to understand my own
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  Speaker 1: thoughts at times, trying to understand my drivers and my motivators.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, it's for me, and I think for
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  Speaker 1: many of you it's kind of an ongoing an ongoing
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  Speaker 1: quest is to figure out who we are and how
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  Speaker 1: we are, and why we are the way we are,
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  Speaker 1: and on top of that, who we want to become
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  Speaker 1: and why we want to become that person, all of
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  Speaker 1: those things. So I want to read you a few things.
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  Speaker 1: I don't generally read too much, but I think some
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  Speaker 1: of this is worth listening to or repeating or going
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  Speaker 1: over because I want to expand on a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of it, and then I'll take you through the eight steps.
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  Speaker 1: But this is actually the copy or part of the
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  Speaker 1: copy that I wrote for the workshop, So, in other words,
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  Speaker 1: the ad for the workshop.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's just a.
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  Speaker 1: Good stepping off point so here we go. Do you
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  Speaker 1: struggle to understand who you are and why you are
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  Speaker 1: the way you are? Why you overthink? Why you underdo
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  Speaker 1: self sabotage, invent problems and waste time, energy and potential
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  Speaker 1: on things that you can't change your control. Why you
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  Speaker 1: do dumb shit when you know you're not dumb. Why
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  Speaker 1: you keep doing things that don't work, Why you start
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  Speaker 1: things that you don't finish. Why you keep having the
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  Speaker 1: same pointless, frustrating, time wasting conversations.
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  Speaker 2: I might be adding a few words while you keep having.
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  Speaker 1: The same pointless conversations with the same people and yourself.
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  Speaker 1: And have you considered where you're programming and your conditioning
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  Speaker 1: finish and where you the blank canvas might start, the
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  Speaker 1: untapped you that exists beyond what you've been taught and
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  Speaker 1: told and trained and programmed to believe and think and
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  Speaker 1: do and be the critical thinker that can escape the
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  Speaker 1: echo chamber and begin to understand your own mind, your
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  Speaker 1: own emotions, your own choices, your own behaviors, your own habits,
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  Speaker 1: and your own self created reality. There's an idea to
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  Speaker 1: lean into, isn't it our own self created reality? The
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  Speaker 1: reality that we create an inhabit as separate to the
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  Speaker 1: objective reality. That is, there's the thing that's going on,
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  Speaker 1: and then there's my story about it. And sometimes I
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  Speaker 1: mistake my story for the thing. I mistake my subjective
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  Speaker 1: interpretation of the objective event, and I think my subjective
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  Speaker 1: reality is everyone's reality, and of course that ain't true,
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  Speaker 1: and of course that is problematic. Continuing on, there's the
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  Speaker 1: you that strangers meet, the you that your family and
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  Speaker 1: close friends know, or think they know, as the case
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  Speaker 1: may be. There's the you that one or two special
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  Speaker 1: people get to know, usually just one, and the you
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  Speaker 1: that only you know. I call that secret you. And
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  Speaker 1: then there's the version of you that you want to become.
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  Speaker 1: There's future you, the version of you, the two point
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  Speaker 1: zero version of you that you would like to come
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  Speaker 1: become over your self improvement journey. I call these people
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  Speaker 1: public you, personal you, private you, secret you, and potential you,
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  Speaker 1: the you that you want to become. Are they all
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  Speaker 1: you and none of them you? And what's the space
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  Speaker 1: between you, the genuine, authentic person and you, the persona
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  Speaker 1: that you present to the world. We all have a persona.
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  Speaker 1: I have a persona. There might be we might call
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  Speaker 1: that the u Show or the Craig Show. What's the
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  Speaker 1: space between you, the you that's just you when no
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  Speaker 1: one's looking, and the you that you allow the world
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  Speaker 1: to see. What's the chasm there? And what's the benefit
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  Speaker 1: of that? Why do we do that? Why is the
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  Speaker 1: no one's looking you different? There are a few obvious reasons,
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  Speaker 1: but let's put aside, you know, nudity and certain behaviors.
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  Speaker 1: But in general terms, the you that only you see
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  Speaker 1: and the you that the world sees. What's that gap
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  Speaker 1: and does that service? Is that a good thing or
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  Speaker 1: a or a problem? So my observation, my experience, my research,
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  Speaker 1: my working with thousands of people over the journey, all
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  Speaker 1: of those people wanting to do better, think better, create better,
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  Speaker 1: produced better outcomes with thinking, habits, behavior, body, business, brand, career.
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  Speaker 1: My experience tells me that most people derive their sense
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  Speaker 1: of self from something external an appearance, a job, an achievement,
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  Speaker 1: a number, an outcome, result, reputation, accolades, possessions, stuff we own.
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  Speaker 1: Most people inhabit an outside in identity paradigm. That is
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  Speaker 1: where we tie our sense of self and self worth
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  Speaker 1: and value and identity into something that people can see.
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  Speaker 2: My business, my.
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  Speaker 1: Brand, my balance, my body, my pretty face, my handsome face,
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  Speaker 1: my biceps, my big house, my fancy car, million followers,
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  Speaker 1: fill in the blank, whatever that visible, physical, observable, apparent
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  Speaker 1: to the world thing is. Many of us do that,
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  Speaker 1: And again I call that the outside in identity paradigm. Now,
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  Speaker 1: the problem with that, I'm off script again, fucka. But
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  Speaker 1: the problem with that is when we get our sense
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  Speaker 1: of self and self worth and value and identity from
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  Speaker 1: something that is external to our personality, our values, who
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  Speaker 1: we are on an emotional, psychological, sociological level, When it's
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  Speaker 1: more about a thing that we have or own, When
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  Speaker 1: it's more about, you know, in that space of an
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  Speaker 1: identifiable something that people can see physically see, that just
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  Speaker 1: opens a door of vulnerability. That's probably unhealthy because if
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  Speaker 1: my identity is tied into let's say, my appearance, which
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  Speaker 1: is a good example because it was for a long time,
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  Speaker 1: for a very long time, well not for a very
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  Speaker 1: long time, but long enough, probably a decade or more.
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  Speaker 1: I got a real sense of who I was and
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  Speaker 1: how I was and my value and self worth from
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  Speaker 1: my body from what people could see. And the better
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  Speaker 1: that I looked, the better I thought I was ridiculous.
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  Speaker 1: I know, in hindsight looking back, so superficial, so egotistical,
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  Speaker 1: so insecure, so many things. I fucking get it. But
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  Speaker 1: guess what we do it? We can get our sense
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  Speaker 1: of self from our things. But the problem is when
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  Speaker 1: I get my sense of self and self worth and
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  Speaker 1: value and identity from my things? What happens when my
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  Speaker 1: things go? What happens when I'm not pretty or well built?
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  Speaker 1: Or what happens when I lose my money? What happens
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  Speaker 1: when my followers drop? What happens when my listeners drop?
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  Speaker 1: What happens when whatever it is that gives me that
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  Speaker 1: confidence and coons gets ripped away? Then who am I?
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  Speaker 1: If you take away that thing? What's left?
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  Speaker 2: So many good questions in this.
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  Speaker 1: It's also my belief that beyond the basics of survival, food, shelter, safety,
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  Speaker 1: all that stuff, understanding ourselves, you understanding you, me understanding me,
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  Speaker 1: that might be the greatest challenge of our collective lives.
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  Speaker 1: So that's the starting point, that's the tipping off point
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  Speaker 1: for this notion of trying to explore and understand the
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  Speaker 1: self that is you, the capitalist self that is you
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of your world, physical you, mental you, emotional, youth,
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  Speaker 1: social you, personal, professional, you, creative, you, trying to understand
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  Speaker 1: who you are, not just for yourself but also.
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  Speaker 2: For those in your world.
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  Speaker 1: Now, it's something that I didn't share today which will
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  Speaker 1: not resonate with everyone, and I'm going to give you
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  Speaker 1: a little heads up. This is quite direct, but this
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  Speaker 1: is how I think, how I think the world works,
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  Speaker 1: and how I think we work in many instances, how
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  Speaker 1: some of us work reality for some of us, for
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  Speaker 1: some people most of the time, for some people some
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  Speaker 1: of the time, and for others I guess not at all.
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  Speaker 1: But I'm going to share it with you. I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to read it. I wrote it, I've written it in
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  Speaker 1: the last couple of days, and I didn't know exactly
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  Speaker 1: what to do with it. I didn't know if I
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  Speaker 1: was going to post it there's something written on social media,
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  Speaker 1: or turn it into something else a whiteboard, and I
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  Speaker 1: will reshare it somewhere else. But I'm going to read
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  Speaker 1: it to you because once again, in the context of
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  Speaker 1: this conversation, I think this really ties in and I
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  Speaker 1: think for some people that might push a few buttons.
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  Speaker 2: So here we go.
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  Speaker 1: I've called this how to fuck your life, how to
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  Speaker 1: fuck your life. Many people are living unintentional, unconscious, uninspired, unaware,
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  Speaker 1: and accidental lives like characters in someone else's story, reactive,
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  Speaker 1: not proactive, surviving, not thriving, following a script that they
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  Speaker 1: didn't write, desperately seeking approval and acceptance from people who
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  Speaker 1: don't even know them, that alone love them, while trying
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  Speaker 1: to fill a gaping emotional chasm with sex, drugs, food, booze,
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  Speaker 1: and all things dopamine. Waiting for opportunities but not creating them,
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  Speaker 1: wasting time and talent, so much time and talent, choosing
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  Speaker 1: comfort and convenience and gratification in the moment, coming at
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  Speaker 1: great personal cost over the long term. Obsessing about things
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  Speaker 1: they can't control, while not taking action, ownership, or responsibility
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  Speaker 1: for the things they can, putting garbage in their body
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  Speaker 1: while simultaneously proclaiming to value their health, being controlled by
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  Speaker 1: beliefs that they didn't choose, and living in echo chambers
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  Speaker 1: of ignorance and self righteousness and self pity, getting up
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  Speaker 1: every day and doing what didn't work yesterday, despite the
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  Speaker 1: overwhelming evidence of their flawed operating system, and perpetuating their
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  Speaker 1: very own self created groundhog day of disappointment and repetition
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  Speaker 1: and avoidance and frustration, pointing fingers that everyone except themselves,
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  Speaker 1: in the desperate hope that no one will see the
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  Speaker 1: reality behind the charade of indignation or the psychological slide
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  Speaker 1: of hand carefully crafted to illicit sympathy and pity, and
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  Speaker 1: then decades later waking up and saying something like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: this wasn't my plan, when in reality, they didn't have
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  Speaker 1: a plan. There was no structure, there was no process,
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  Speaker 1: there was no plan, There was just an idea. There
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  Speaker 1: was just a wish list of how things might turn out.
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  Speaker 1: So I've decided in the moment, I'm going to leave
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  Speaker 1: this short installment here because what I have to unpack
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: would make this well over an hour moving forward, and
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  Speaker 1: I'm looking at the recording and we're kind of sixteen
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  Speaker 1: minutes or so in. I'm just going to call this
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  Speaker 1: part A and call this opening the door on understanding
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  Speaker 1: the self that is you and.
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  Speaker 2: Me next installment, which will be tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: Which will be tomorrow, I'm going to run you through
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: this getting to know you, getting to understand the self
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  Speaker 1: that is you in the middle of your life. It's
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  Speaker 1: kind of an eight step process. Like I said, it's
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  Speaker 1: a reinvention and an amalgamation of a myriad of people's
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  Speaker 1: work with my own stuff kind of injected into their.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so we'll leave it at that, And for.
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  Speaker 1: Those of you who are at the workshop today, thank
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  Speaker 1: you so much for coming out. And for those of
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  Speaker 1: you who have never been to a workshop, I'll be
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: in your state at some stage over the next twelve months.
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  Speaker 1: We're beginning to ramp up and roll out more workshops
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  Speaker 1: and face to face.
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  Speaker 2: Experiences. As we are.
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  Speaker 1: Coming back to normalization and I'm getting through my PhD
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  Speaker 1: and heading towards the finished line, I'm going to do
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  Speaker 1: more and more audience facing, real world, three dimensional physical
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: experience and says today was fun. It reminds me when
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I get in front of groups how much I love
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: the interaction. We had tears, and we had hugs, and
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: we had photos, and we had light bulbs and we
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: had revelation. We had all of it today and yeah,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: it's funny. It's like the commercial side of it is.
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  Speaker 1: It just is what it is. You run an event,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: you pay for a room or a venue. You know,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: you get a few bums on seats and sometimes it's
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: awesome and sometimes it's not. From a commercial point of view,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: it just is what it is. But for me, it's
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  Speaker 1: the experience. It truly is the experience of meeting people
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that you know have sometimes like had a guy come
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: up today whose name escapes me, I apologize, sixty eight
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: year old dude who looked fucking amazing by the way,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: and came up and Tommy had been listening to me
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  Speaker 1: for ten years and felt like he knew me and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: thanked me for helping him get through certain things. And
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: another guy whose name I won't I won't say, who
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: battled with depression and suicidal ideation and a whole bunch
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: of things, who just came up and shared part of
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  Speaker 1: his story and thanked me. And obviously you know, I
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: don't even know these things, but just to be able
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: to realize it without knowing that I have been a
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: really small, valuable at times piece of somebody's journey with
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: me not even knowing that my intention is that my
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: intention is to be of service and to be of
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  Speaker 1: value and help people. But you know, when it's a
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: one way experience, like it is for the most part,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: like right now, me sitting in my office on a
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  Speaker 1: Sunday talking to a microphone, looking at a screen, you know,
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  Speaker 1: with zero feedback. It's sometimes it's not thankless, but it's
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: tough to remember that, you know, I'm talking to thousands
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: of people like writer like I am right now. So
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: for all of those who kind of support me and
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: send me feedback messages and give me a target these
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: events and come up and tell me that I play
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: a role in their life and I've been in on
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: some level big or small of service to them, I
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: really appreciate. I don't take it for granted, and I
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: am going to say that's what am I going to say.
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  Speaker 1: So you're listening to this on a Monday, some of
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: you tonight, which would be the ninth of the ninth,
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  Speaker 1: ninth of September twenty twenty four, I'm kicking off my
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: mentoring program my Mentorship, which is a ten week experience.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: We've got as I talk, we've got one or two
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: spaces left. It's just for fifteen people. If you're interested
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: in finding out about that, go to my website have
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: a look. And also, if you're listening to this on
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: the Monday, then tomorrow night, which would make it the
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: tenth of the ninth Tuesday night, I'm running an online
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: workshop called love your body if you want to find
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: out about that.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Also go to my website Craig up A dot net
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  Speaker 2: have look anyway. That'll do for now. I'll be back
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: tomorrow to complete this ought.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: To conclude this little dialogue, this little monologue on understanding,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: you see tomorrow