Latest / The Oreaganic Podcast / 51: Releasing Shame Around Claiming Your Desires, Boundaries, and Speaking Your Truth

Transcript

51: Releasing Shame Around Claiming Your Desires, Boundaries, and Speaking Your Truth · The Oreaganic Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello my friends and welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I almost just said my YouTube channel.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Incorrect, but if you're watching this on YouTube, hello.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: For so much of our lives, we are taught to only want certain things and to kind of shape our desires based on what we're told are like the correct things to want.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Especially with like the path that your life takes or your education or your job.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just there's so many parts of our lives that are shaped by other people's opinions and kind of just societal norms.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: So much so where it feels like people who actually stand up for something that might be different from the norm, or they just have the balls to actually like claim what they want and to say that and to own their desires, those people are few and far between.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that concept of like claiming your desires and fully stepping into like, I don't know, the role of the person who already has the things that your future self would want, like these are things that do not come easily and clearly, especially if you have a real wow, especially if you have a lot of shame around just being open about your desires.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So in today's episode, we're gonna explore why it feels uncomfortable to actually say what you want and also just stand up for yourself and actually use your voice to claim what you want in both big and small situations and learning to recognize when you are downplaying yourself or keeping yourself small for the sake of comfort of others.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I will also preface that this is not an episode of like selfishly, I'm gonna get whatever I want and don't care about anyone else.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the vibe here.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all can just use if you are my target audience here, you could use a little more empowerment with actually just standing up for yourself and being a little more bold in saying what you want and like saying it with your friggin' chest and actually creating a life that fits what you want, what you uniquely want, and not just the version of life that you feel like you have to live or the expectations that have been projected onto you by society or other people, because in those situations, we are not actually allowing ourselves to live as our most organic, authentic self.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that everyone living as their most organic selves, if this were the case across this entire world, like the world would be so much of a better place.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am telling you, your authenticity, claiming your uniqueness, and actually, like, as I said, claiming it with your chest, like saying it with your chest, that has a kind of frequency, a kind of power to it that can genuinely change the world for the better for like literally everyone existing on this planet.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: So without further ado, let's get into the episode.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the organic podcast.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset hacks, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment as your most organic self.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to become the best ready to be self and my friend, alrighty you guys.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like this is gonna be a personal episode.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Every single fucking episode's a personal episode, but I have personal experience with this because I am realizing as of late, as of the recent past, just how much I like don't actually say what I'm actually wanting sometimes, or there will be a situation where it's like even something really small, like good exam-good example of this.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're out to eat with a group of people, and you get an appetizer, and this appetizer absolutely slaps.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: You are so hungry, it's the best thing you've ever eaten.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone takes their their picks at it, they get it, everyone, everyone has a little bit, and there's one leftover, and you're eyeing this this piece of leftovers.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh my god, this would be so good.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But do I really want to be that person?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do I really want to take the last piece?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do I really want to do that?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do I do I want to clear this plate?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, am I really that girl?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't take it.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then you watch someone else who is no different than you just sitting at that table too, take that last piece, and you're like, oh that would have been so good.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: That would have been so good, but I just did not have the balls to actually grab it and take it, and it would have hurt absolutely zero people because everyone else already got their turn and no one else seemed to really want it that bad, and I could have just asked for it because it was up for grabs, and I just didn't do it.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I have done that like like so many times over the course of my okay, maybe not so many times, but I've done that like a handful of times noticeably, and every time after I'm like, oh my god, why didn't I just say it?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I just say it?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we all have these small moments where it's like after the fact, you're like, oh my god, I just I really didn't want this to happen, or I really wanted this thing, but I just didn't say it, or I didn't ask the person, or I didn't do whatever, and afterwards we kind of have this feeling of regret where we're like, oh my god, why didn't I just like say what I wanted?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know what I want to say, I know what I want to ask for, I know what I want to take, whatever.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Why didn't I just do it?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where we go back to feelings of shame around claiming your desires and claiming what you want.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I know the appetizer example is like a very kind of small, silly example, but the small things also speak to the big things and it reflects the actual experience that happens in other areas of life as well.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And as we all know, most of life is not comprised of these really big moments, these super big decisions.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: The majority of your life is made up of small, mundane, day-to-day moments and small day-to-day decisions.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are someone who chronically catches yourself in these little situations where you're like, I really wanted this one thing, but I actually got another because I didn't say what I wanted, or you know what it is that you want to have, to experience, to whatever, but you just don't want to go through this feeling of kind of like discomfort or putting yourself out there to actually like say it with your chest and claim the thing that you want.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Say what you want to say to that person, like grab the fucking appetizer at the group dinner.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we don't have the guts to go out of our way to actually stand up for ourselves and our desires because it's almost like we have this internalized shame that tells us that like other people asking for what they want is like normal.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why would I ever judge someone for like, you know, engaging in a conversation at work about talking about a raise or something?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Or do we judge the other person at the table for taking the last piece of the appetizer?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, we usually don't.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've been noticing that this experience of shame around your desires is really just centralized only towards you and not reflected back to other people.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it is the case where, like, if you see someone who's really bold and ambitious and for is about their desires and they have strong boundaries and they're outspoken, then sometimes you can feel pretty triggered by that because you are being shown where you feel uncomfortable inside yourself first if you were to do the same things.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like everyone and everything outside of us is simply a mirror for our internal experiences.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it can absolutely be the case where we get triggered by other people kind of you know being bold and doing the thing and speaking out for their desires, whatever.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: But in most cases, in these small examples, at least for me, I'm not someone who's thinking, like, wow, I can't believe that that person just took the last appetizer.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they're so selfish, that's so embarrassing to actually just like grab that when someone else probably wanted it too.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, why did they even bother to take that?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Or the example of having a conversation at work about a race, like, oh my god, like that's so ambitious, like that's that's so out of pocket, like, why are they doing that?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's so embarrassing.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, whatever story that we kind of come up with about ourselves, we usually never project that onto other people.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, why are we so harshly judging ourselves first?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I have the answer.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I know I know the answer.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty straightforward because what does not go back to our primal brain, our survival instincts, and wanting to fit in with the crowd?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is very deeply tied into the theme of people pleasing.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: People pleasing originates from wanting to be accepted, wanting to know with greater certainty that we are putting ourselves in a position to be more palatable so that we can be easier, so that we can receive more love.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because many of us have probably grown up with some experience, like literally everyone on this world has probably grown up with some experience where you were kind of given this archetype of thought that's like, okay, I am easier, like my parents like me more when I'm easier to be around.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, other people seem to be happier when I am being less outspoken for my own desires, and I am kind of placating to what I know other people want me to do.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: We learned this in childhood, like it's just natural behavior to learn and reflect back.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, I want to be accepted by the people around me.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Other people around me seem to be happier when I'm not being difficult or too much, or starting trouble, standing up for myself, or whatever it is.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna learn to just shut down all of my desires and be quiet, stay to the side, not be too loud, not be too outspoken, and just you get what you get and you don't get upset.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna try to speak out otherwise if there's a situation in my life where I know that the thing that I desire is different than what I'm currently experiencing, and yet I'm still just settling for it because part of your brain literally thinks like that's just normal and that's just what you have to do.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm here to tell you on this podcast, you do not have to just play small and be quiet and not get to stand up for what you want or claim what you want with boldness, with ambition, with staying it with your freaking chest.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to stay quiet and small and agreeable and please everyone else, especially in adulthood, especially once you reach the age where it's like no one is telling you the correct path to go on, like you're out of school, you're out of all the major structures that a lot of us have experienced in terms of like school and societal pressures when it comes to the correct path to take in life or how to behave in front of others, like you get to create your own script and your own narrative, especially in adulthood.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you have a fresh slate.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you're someone who is I it doesn't matter how old you are, like you always have the opportunity every single moment that you're alive, honestly, to simply just decide differently and choose a different reality for yourself, and that can be your fresh start and your fresh slate.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say that early years in adulthood, like first few years of 20s or first few years out of college, like these are formative years where I I see there's great benefit to actually learning these kind of patterns of behavior sooner.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like you live so much more empowered when you actually realize earlier, earlier the better that you can stand up for what you want and you are going to live a happier, healthier, better version of life when you do so.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, when I talk about claiming your desires, standing up for what you want, as I said in the intro, I'm not talking about being a selfish asshole.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about being someone who stomps over everyone else to to get what they want.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're the kind of person who's like me listening to this episode where it's like you've had this people-pleasing background, you've normalized the behavior of like, oh well, I don't want to inconvenience anyone, I don't want to be too much, I don't want to be too outspoken, then like we are the kind of people who could probably use the advice where it's like, okay, we actually can, believe it or not, ask for what we want.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we are not special, we don't have to keep ourselves hidden.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like other people asking for their desires is something that only other people can do.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you have the ability to do that as well.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the only thing that keeps us from that is this internalized shame and the normalization of people pleasing that runs this story in our head that tells us, like, oh, well, it must mean something about me if I take the last piece of food on the appetizer plate.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that means that I'm selfish.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: That means that I'm taking away from someone else, and someone else is gonna be annoyed that I did that or I took that, or what if someone else wants it more?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's all of this energy of outputting, outputting, considering what does everyone else want, what's everyone else thinking, what's everyone else doing.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's good to be considerate of others, it is good to be someone who is thoughtful.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can 100% keep this trait of being considerate.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like the the people pleasing is like the shadow side of being considerate, where it's like it's too much to the point where it is a fault for yourself, and you are the one who is suffering for that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're constantly outputting your energy, when you are constantly putting other people's desires, opinions, and experiences in front of your own and prioritizing other people more than yourself, you are always going to be the one who has the short end of the stick.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: You are always gonna be the one who is giving more of your energy than you are receiving, like you are always gonna be the one who gets shorted here, literally.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But this pattern is something that can be changed, like this pattern is something that you do not have to stay with your whole entire life, and it's so important to feel confident being able to speak your desires out loud and to even just like speak your boundaries, speak your truth, just say what you want to fucking say, use your voice, say it with your chest, as I've said four times now.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important to be able to do that because when we aren't confident saying what we want, we are inevitably always going to experience things that we do not want.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's a quote I just heard on actually a Sam Daly podcast I listened to today.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get this perfect, but it's something along the lines of if you do not stand up for the truth of who you are and what you want, you will inevitably get what you don't want.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you do not actually stand up for your desires, if you don't stand up for yourself and you don't give yourself the permission to actually take up space, like no one's going to do that for you, and you are never going to be able to actually live like fully, completely, satisfied, and fulfilled, 100% aligned, claiming your desires.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're always gonna have a part of your life just be like something that other people wanted for you, that you were kind of just like, Oh yeah, I guess that's fine, and you can still live very happily that way.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like you could still be like your life is not gonna be completely awful, I don't think, if you are someone who is like kind of played by other people's rules for a long time.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a definitive difference between that version of life where it's like you have things that kind of you know other people wanted for you, or whatever that might look like, versus living a life and embodying an energy within yourself where you are like, I know what I want, I'm not afraid to say what I want, and I am not afraid of what anyone else has to say about it, nor am I ashamed because I know that my best version of life, the version of life that God has put me here on this earth to live, to experience, to enjoy, is one where I follow my desires and I claim them with 100% of my whole fucking soul, my whole chest.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I claim that shit with my chest.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm Captain Ervan and Attack on Titan, but point being is there is 100% like a more potent frequency to the version of life that we can live when we are embodying the energy of 100% claiming our desires and claiming what we want.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the hardest part here for someone, especially with the people pleaser background, like we talked about, but even just everyone, especially if you're going through a big life shift, a big transition, and you're kind of figuring yourself out, a lot of the times we can feel stuck just trying to figure out what it is that we actually want.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, great, okay, that sounds fantastic to be like, yeah, I claim my desires, I know exactly what I want, I have a clear vision for the life that I want to live and how I want to feel and the things I want to experience and the relationships I want to have.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Incredible, like I claim that fully.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: A big part of that equation is actually knowing what you want.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a dilemma that is probably way more common than we think when it comes to like I don't know.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I personally struggle with like figuring out what I want sometimes, and I can definitely look to other people, of course, comparisonitis, but I can look to other people and I can be like, Well, they clearly knew that they wanted to live this lifestyle and they wanted to have these things and they wanted to operate with these boundaries and these whatever, and it just seems like it's so easy for them to like claim what they want because it seems like they already knew exactly what they wanted, but I I don't really know what the fuck I want.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have an idea for some things, but I don't have this like burning kind of like clear 14-item list of every single detail of my dream life and every aspect of every boundary that I want to have, and claiming my desires in big moments and small moments.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I don't have that list, I don't really know.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: And a big part of transition periods, especially, but also just like shifting your energy to be more claiming of your authentic your authenticity and your authentic expression is figuring out like what it is that you want, but it can feel so hard to actually do so, and then we can feel so much pressure around this where it's like I feel like I should have this clear vision, like it shouldn't be that hard to figure out like the things that I want to have in my life or how my life like I want my wow or how I want my life to look.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: But again, when we think about it, especially early in adulthood, you have been told what you quote unquote should do for basically your entire life.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like you haven't had that much of a say when it comes to the overall picture of like how your life has gone, like going to school, going to classes, your priorities, sports, etc.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, of course you could have enjoyed those things very much, but you kind of had the path laid out for you.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not like someone at five years old was like, Oh, I desire to go to school and to get a high school degree and then go to college and get a college degree.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no one was really like thinking that super thoroughly at five years old when we all entered the school systems for most people.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: We were all just kind of like, Yeah, we're gonna go to school because my parents are sending me to school and I gotta learn.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like, what else are we gonna do?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is the normal path.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we kind of carry this energy of like knowing that someone else, some other system, some other parent or authoritative figure or societal expectation knows the path for us, and we can kind of just look to the general goals of the metrics we should be hitting or the overarching themes that we should be following and know whether or not we're on track.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And in this period of life, especially high school, college age, a lot of what brings satisfaction is just knowing that you are like hitting the success metrics within this framework.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, okay, I know that I am claiming my desires if I am getting good grades because I desire to be a good student, I desire to get a degree, I desire to set myself up for success in a career field in whatever way that might look.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: You desire to have this like overarching goal to basically get to the finish line of high school or college and then go on from there and be successful in whatever way that looks.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the problem lies.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so many of us have these goals in high school, college, where it's like we're just leading to this endpoint of like, okay, get a degree.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: The end.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then what?
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then what?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then what?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is where all of your desires transform from being put within a framework that was created by someone else slash just societal expectations, changing from this framework, and knowing that like for your entire life you've basically been like, I want to get good grades, I want to be successful, I want to ensure that I'm setting myself up for success in the quote unquote real world.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: World.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's a lot of where those kind of primal desires that shaped a lot of our life experience were centered around.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: So then we get to this finish line.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: We get the degree.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: We have a high school diploma.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: We have a college degree.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're in the throes of what I have coined as postgrad despair.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where we're just like, okay, now what?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the end of finding Nemo when all of the fish escape the they escape the um, I almost said the vet, the dentist, and they roll out on the little bags across the street, and then they get into the ocean, and then they're all just sitting on top of the ocean in the bags of water, and they're like, now what?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's literally all of us.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is everyone entering the quote unquote real world of adulthood.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is at this point where we have a clear opportunity to either abide by the expectations that everyone else has for us, or society has for us, or we learn more about what actually shapes our self-concept and the influence that we have over creating a life that is unique to us based on our desires that come from our hearts, rather than just going by being told what to do, as we had been for all of the years preceding the graduation of college.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I say this whole tangent to the point of it is hard to figure out what you want after being told what you should probably want for so much of your life, or having clear boundaries and frameworks in which you can place your desires when it comes to school and more of the like on paper success kind of stories.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: So give yourself a little bit of grace for maybe not knowing what you want to do, especially as a young adult, like early 20s young adult or earlier, or even someone at any point in life, because as much as we can say like we know what we want as a picture of our lives or how we want to feel, what we want to experience, that is subject to change.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even if you had this is a good example, even if you have goals at the beginning of the year, you have your little January new year new me goals, and you write them all down and you're really excited about them.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Your priorities could change within like three months.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like your your goals for the year are 100% subject to change based on your experiences and how your desires and your life is changing throughout the year.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the same exact thing applies to all of life.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's really good and healthy to have clear desires and like a clear picture of the life that you want to live as a goalpost, as somewhere to look forwards, as a direction to steer the ship.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I also don't think that it's 100% like the only perfect prescription for figuring out how to like live fully embodied in your desires is to know perfectly A to Z, my life is gonna look exactly like this, and if it doesn't look exactly like this in this amount of time, then that means I have failed.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like I do not subscribe to that whatsoever.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, we are constantly changing and evolving.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think the most important part with following our desires and knowing our goals is having a basic understanding of our main priorities for how we want to feel in life, like what our core values are in terms of like the life we want to experience, and having a general direction based on the season of life that you are currently in, and or you know, longer term goals, so that you have some sort of compass to, as I said, like steer the ship in, and you're not kind of just floating in the ether, and then five years later you're gonna be like, What am I even doing with my life?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not focused, I'm not channeling my energy towards one thing in particular, I'm kind of just scattered.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is where goals and desires and a clear vision can come in handy, and it's very important.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also 100% true that you're probably not gonna know what you want until you try things, which is literally the most annoying advice because all of us just want clarity.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we we just want to be given a clear roadmap.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: We've had a whole we've had a we've had a roadmap for our whole friggin' lives at this point.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I just have a roadmap for how to be happy?
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, and fortunately, because it's just part of life, but truly learning what brings us happiness, what works the best for us, what we really want, it comes from a lot of trial and error.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: It really does.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it starts with just putting yourself out there and opening yourself up to new experiences and trying new things that interest you, and then going from there.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you do not get clarity from just waiting around because action is actually the thing that gives you clarity if you are feeling stuck on where to go, what you want, what to do.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the biggest piece of advice I can give is just to follow your joy, like your best compass for figuring out what you desire is following what brings you the most joy.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: And also in doing so, when you figure out and follow these things that just light you up, that make you feel happy, that give you energy, that just bring you so much joy, you are naturally following following your heart, and in following your heart, you are following the path that is destined for you.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when you follow the path that's destined for you, your life gets to be so much better, so much happier, so much more aligned than it ever could have been if you just settle for what is just quote unquote good enough, or a life that just feels alright, or a life that is lived based off the rules of other people, and staying quiet and not actually taking the chances to be bold and go for the things that you want and the things that bring you joy.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we very briefly touched on this, but boundaries and just having them in the first place is another factor that is kind of related to this experience of know figuring out what you want, knowing what you want, claiming what you want.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you are someone who has lived as a people pleaser your whole life and you don't feel like you have strong boundaries with yourself or with others, having strong boundaries can also help positively influence your experience of life in terms of getting more of what you want.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: And to figure out what your boundaries are, like what things that you really care about, things you want respected in your life, like what you're willing to tolerate for yourself from others.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: This can all just come back again to our experiences and learning as we go what things we are willing to accept, what our standards are, and what things we are absolutely not willing to accept.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a similar journey of exploration, but as an overall thesis to this whole podcast episode, when you figure out and go after the things that bring you joy, and you protect your energy and you protect yourself by actually standing up for yourself, claiming what you want, saying it unapologetically, and not judging yourself for it, your life gets infinitely better, and you have way more agency and control over actually shaping and creating a life that you enjoy, a life that brings you more peace, more fulfillment, more happiness, more abundance, more alignment than you ever would if you did not put the energy into figuring out what it is that you want and actually standing up for it.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your joy and your heart are your compass.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are a people pleaser, if you struggle with boundaries, you will know when something feels wrong.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like you, we all just know that feeling.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the feeling that I talked about with the appetizer example, where it's like, you know, you want to take the last piece.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know that when this person says a certain thing to you, it bothers you.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know that the life that you're currently living is good, it's pretty good, but some parts of it you're like, this just this just does not light up my soul, this just does not light up my heart.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like you already know what you want and the things that you desire and what is best for you from a heart-centered place, and all it takes to just bridge that gap and to just take more steps towards claiming that life that you want for yourself is to simply decide that you are going to do so and to stand behind that and stand within such a strong level of self-trust that you are literally unshakable from anyone else's opinions or what anyone else has to say, because at the end of the day, no one else gets to live your life for you.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: You are the only one who is looking out for yourself, like you are the only one who can stand up for yourself and actually truly take control over your life and take accountability for how things are.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as I talked about in last week's episode, once you actually decide to do that, you will feel so much more free, so much more empowered, and so much more excited about actually creating a life that you dream of rather than a life that you just settle for.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and that it leaves especially my my fellow people pleasers feeling a little bit more inspired to stand up for themselves and speak their desires out loud without shame, even if it's just to yourself, even if it's just freaking journaling it, or just allowing yourself to admit, like, yeah, this is not what I want, or this is what I want.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Just allow yourself to claim that internally first, if it feels scary to do so to other people and to just like scream it from the rooftops.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: But just starting this journey with an enhanced level of awareness is going to assist you in the process.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys for being here with me.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Go be your most organic selves, and I will see you in the next one.