Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Divorced For The Holidays, Are You Guilt Shopping Too?

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Divorced For The Holidays, Are You Guilt Shopping Too? · I Do, Part 2

0:10
Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks. It is Saturday, December twentieth, just
0:13
Speaker 1: five days to go before Christmas, and this is not
0:16
Speaker 1: the episode we plan to record and post today. But
0:20
Speaker 1: we changed things up when we took a look under
0:23
Speaker 1: the Christmas trees and said to ourselves, that is way
0:28
Speaker 1: too much stuff. And with that, welcome to this episode
0:31
Speaker 1: of Amy and TJ Robes.
0:33
Speaker 2: We.
0:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, people go overboard, certainly last minute, late and go
0:36
Speaker 1: crazy at the holidays, and sometimes that's okay, but particularly
0:40
Speaker 1: you and I got into a conversation about this. But
0:42
Speaker 1: it wasn't just that we go too far. We started
0:46
Speaker 1: to examine why, even subconsciously, we bought so much stuff.
0:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, I started asking myself and really asking myself to
0:55
Speaker 2: reflect honestly, why the why behind? There are way too
0:59
Speaker 2: much any way, too many gifts under the Christmas tree?
1:03
Speaker 2: And I said, am I purchasing gifts out of guilt?
1:07
Speaker 2: Guilt of the last couple of years that have been
1:10
Speaker 2: pretty tough on our kids? No question, they have been
1:12
Speaker 2: through a lot, and so am I subconsciously trying to
1:16
Speaker 2: make up for it by giving them more than they
1:19
Speaker 2: actually need?
1:20
Speaker 1: And what do you think your answer is to that?
1:22
Speaker 1: Do you believe because okay, you go.
1:24
Speaker 3: I think that there is something to that. I do
1:27
Speaker 3: think that.
1:29
Speaker 2: I'm not doing it consciously and I'm not doing it deliberately,
1:33
Speaker 2: like I'm going to make sure that they feel good
1:35
Speaker 2: and here's how I'm going to do it. But I
1:37
Speaker 2: did look at as I was wrapping these gifts, thinking
1:40
Speaker 2: this is this is this is too much? And then
1:43
Speaker 2: I started to ask myself why. I do love giving
1:46
Speaker 2: and I do love buying, and I do love this season,
1:48
Speaker 2: but this feels like the last two years.
1:51
Speaker 3: I feel like I've bought more than I normally have.
1:53
Speaker 1: Really, I wonder because your focus has been different as well,
1:59
Speaker 1: your circle smaller, your gift list right got small, the
2:05
Speaker 1: number of people on that list got smaller. That could
2:07
Speaker 1: have something to do with it, to just focus too much.
2:09
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, and I was going back
2:12
Speaker 1: and forth with you, and I don't know if I'm
2:14
Speaker 1: guilty of it as well, but I know it's something
2:16
Speaker 1: that I have had to keep in check, Like I
2:19
Speaker 1: am very very conscious of going overboard and going too far,
2:23
Speaker 1: and I think I still do with that little one
2:27
Speaker 1: with Sabine, because you do, in some way feel responsible
2:33
Speaker 1: for any upheaval, or even the fact that they are
2:35
Speaker 1: not under one roof with their two parents for.
2:39
Speaker 2: Christmas, exactly knowing they have to go back and forth.
2:42
Speaker 2: My girls spent their entire lives doing that. Analyse is nineteen.
2:46
Speaker 2: She does not have a memory of having a Christmas
2:50
Speaker 2: with both parents and having a Christmas where she didn't have.
2:54
Speaker 3: To feel like she was being juggled, so to speak.
2:58
Speaker 2: Now that they're older, where they want to go, it
3:01
Speaker 2: actually feels funny enough. Now it feels settled. Their dad's
3:05
Speaker 2: in another state, and it's just not as possible as
3:10
Speaker 2: it used to be to try and manage having everyone
3:13
Speaker 2: get to have equal time or at least sometimes.
3:15
Speaker 3: So that has gone away.
3:17
Speaker 2: But I do think about what they have not been
3:21
Speaker 2: able to experience.
3:24
Speaker 1: But this is a thing, I mean, obviously it is.
3:27
Speaker 1: I guess I haven't paid that closely as far as studies.
3:30
Speaker 1: I haven't had really conversations with anybody else about it.
3:34
Speaker 1: But everything we've done in the past several years having
3:37
Speaker 1: to do with the kids, we have to keep in
3:39
Speaker 1: check to No, I can't just say yes to that
3:42
Speaker 1: because I want to be nice and I want them
3:43
Speaker 1: to like me and want to make up for something
3:46
Speaker 1: that I feel responsible for, and that's tough no matter what.
3:51
Speaker 1: That's tough to get over, even if you know it
3:54
Speaker 1: good and hell well you're not responsible or solely responsible
3:58
Speaker 1: for any that was, still you can't help it as
4:01
Speaker 1: a parent, oh.
4:02
Speaker 3: Man, And look, I have tried.
4:04
Speaker 2: I firmly believe that any decision you make period out
4:10
Speaker 2: of guilt is probably not a correct one because it's
4:14
Speaker 2: not reasoned rationally, and I don't think it necessarily. It
4:18
Speaker 2: can sometimes even do more harm than good. It looks
4:20
Speaker 2: like you're buying someone's love or buying someone's affection, or
4:24
Speaker 2: it feels transactional or that you owe somebody. It takes
4:26
Speaker 2: away from the spirit of giving a gift and receiving
4:30
Speaker 2: a gift, and even certainly the spirit of the holidays.
4:32
Speaker 2: So I'm very aware of that, and I've always tried
4:34
Speaker 2: to be aware of it from the beginning, but but
4:40
Speaker 2: I have noticed. I think I kept it in check
4:42
Speaker 2: for most of their childhoods, But these last couple of years,
4:46
Speaker 2: I absolutely think I.
4:49
Speaker 3: Have been more.
4:52
Speaker 2: I don't want to say, lenient and more giving than
4:56
Speaker 2: I have in the past. And I do appreciate the
4:57
Speaker 2: fact that you said maybe it's because is your circle smaller.
5:01
Speaker 2: Maybe it's because you've been able to actually focus more
5:03
Speaker 2: on your kids. I don't have a job sending me
5:06
Speaker 2: around the world and jumping on planes twice a week,
5:09
Speaker 2: and I have been able just to be with them,
5:12
Speaker 2: and that has felt indulgent and fun and awesome, and
5:15
Speaker 2: our relationships have gotten significantly better, there's no question.
5:19
Speaker 3: But I always do want to check myself.
5:23
Speaker 1: I don't know, No, I get what you're saying. I'm
5:26
Speaker 1: trying to not check you and be as hard on
5:30
Speaker 1: you as you were kind of on yourself earlier. I
5:33
Speaker 1: don't know road we it is. I'm I'm struggling with
5:40
Speaker 1: this because I am love looking at at the gifts
5:43
Speaker 1: and what's under the trees. Yeah, two trees.
5:46
Speaker 2: They're small trees, the equivalent of one big tree. Maybe
5:52
Speaker 2: that's what's throwing me, because we have two trees and
5:55
Speaker 2: two little areas of presents like that is a lot
5:58
Speaker 2: of presence.
5:59
Speaker 1: But it's only that way because it's a whole story
6:01
Speaker 1: behind that. We always have to get a real tree,
6:03
Speaker 1: and then we happened to have it was our first Christmas,
6:06
Speaker 1: the five of us, at least altogether last year, we
6:09
Speaker 1: ordered this tree. On Amazon, this white tree with these
6:12
Speaker 1: lights on it that sparkle, and it was a wonderful
6:15
Speaker 1: Christmas and we kept it and it's now a part
6:18
Speaker 1: of our Christmas tradition. There's no way that tree wasn't
6:20
Speaker 1: going to go up, and we had to get a
6:22
Speaker 1: real one. So that's why we had the two. We
6:24
Speaker 1: didn't get two trees because we needed more space.
6:25
Speaker 2: Pause.
6:26
Speaker 1: We had to make that clear.
6:27
Speaker 2: And like I said, I also think that maybe visually
6:30
Speaker 2: the two trees is throwing me. And because they're smaller trees,
6:33
Speaker 2: there's not as much room under the tree, so it
6:36
Speaker 2: looks like they're piled up on top.
6:38
Speaker 1: Okay, so maybe we shouldn't have done this episode. It's
6:40
Speaker 1: just weird being fooled by it's an illusion.
6:42
Speaker 3: No, that's not now. I'm just trying to make excuses.
6:45
Speaker 2: And I had to wrap for three hours yesterday and
6:47
Speaker 2: say I still have a lot more wrapping to go.
6:50
Speaker 3: That's insane.
6:50
Speaker 1: I don't know.
6:51
Speaker 2: I'm curious with other people. Yes, I always try to
6:53
Speaker 2: set a budget. I did have a list. I was
6:55
Speaker 2: keeping dollar amounts next to it so that I had
6:58
Speaker 2: an idea of what our budget is and how much.
7:02
Speaker 2: But what happens is you go Black Friday shopping, you
7:04
Speaker 2: go Cyber Monday shopping, you say, oh, look at this. Oh,
7:08
Speaker 2: and then I see something that all three girls would like,
7:10
Speaker 2: and then I get a gift for all and all
7:12
Speaker 2: of a sudden it starts adding up beyond what they
7:14
Speaker 2: had even asked for in the first place.
7:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's happened. That's actually happened quite a bit. On
7:19
Speaker 1: some fairly price the items. It's almost like you can't
7:23
Speaker 1: get it for just one of them anymore.
7:24
Speaker 3: Well, that's the other thing. Yes, they're all opening it
7:26
Speaker 3: up together.
7:27
Speaker 2: They're all three girls, they all like the same basically.
7:30
Speaker 3: So then I'm like, well, I can't just get one,
7:32
Speaker 3: I have to get three.
7:33
Speaker 2: And so I've been doing a lot of threefold gifts
7:36
Speaker 2: that maybe also like, that's a lot of wrapping.
7:39
Speaker 3: It's a lot of wrapping.
7:41
Speaker 1: What does one do a part of it? That is
7:45
Speaker 1: what is how it reveals itself in some ways by
7:49
Speaker 1: buying too many gifts, that's where the guilt shows up.
7:51
Speaker 1: But what is the thing you feel most guilty about
7:54
Speaker 1: in the first place.
7:56
Speaker 2: Yes, robbing them of an experience, robby, I see, I
8:00
Speaker 2: know these are triggering words, but you know, being responsible,
8:06
Speaker 2: knowing you're responsible for having them, and I hate the
8:13
Speaker 2: word normal, but feeling responsible for them not having what
8:16
Speaker 2: you would consider and maybe what you and I had
8:19
Speaker 2: growing up, which was a nuclear family, mom, dad, brothers, sister.
8:24
Speaker 2: And it wasn't complex, it wasn't confusing. It felt safe,
8:28
Speaker 2: it felt secure, it was structured. And our kids' lives
8:33
Speaker 2: have had anything about that.
8:35
Speaker 1: That's where I am, like, I struggle and difficult saying
8:39
Speaker 1: it out loud that that thing I wish Sabine had
8:45
Speaker 1: that I do. I wish that could have been the case.
8:50
Speaker 1: And I keep saying like that's like that was my
8:53
Speaker 1: preference for her life, but it wasn't the best thing
8:59
Speaker 1: for her.
9:00
Speaker 3: I know that because it wasn't the best thing for
9:03
Speaker 3: your life.
9:04
Speaker 1: This and it seemed to get over that and to
9:06
Speaker 1: seem it seems selfish to make a decision for yourself
9:10
Speaker 1: that impacts other people. But it's tough sometimes to remember,
9:13
Speaker 1: and we've talked to plenty of therapists about these things,
9:15
Speaker 1: to remember that the best thing for the child was
9:18
Speaker 1: to not see her parents in that house together.
9:21
Speaker 3: Yeah.
9:22
Speaker 2: No, I think I've said this before, but a therapist
9:24
Speaker 2: said this to me and this landed and I've always
9:27
Speaker 2: used this is is this the marriage you want for
9:31
Speaker 2: your child? And if it's not, can you do something
9:34
Speaker 2: about it? Or do you need to make sure they
9:38
Speaker 2: have an example of what an actual loving relationship looks like.
9:43
Speaker 2: And if you can answer that honestly, then that leads
9:46
Speaker 2: you in the right direction. That's what my therapist told me.
9:49
Speaker 2: Would you want your daughters to be in the marriage
9:52
Speaker 2: that they are witnessing every day?
9:54
Speaker 3: And there was a very clear answer for me.
9:55
Speaker 1: It's difficult. I know for a lot of parents are
9:58
Speaker 1: dealing with us around the holl And I think the
10:01
Speaker 1: numbers will tell you. I think it's a third of
10:04
Speaker 1: kids in this country we'll go through their parents' divorce
10:08
Speaker 1: before they hit adulthood. That's a lot of kids. And
10:11
Speaker 1: that's a lot of Christmases. And one of the most
10:13
Speaker 1: difficult parts that I've experienced in recent years Robes, is
10:17
Speaker 1: any idea of having to split the holiday. I would
10:20
Speaker 1: almost prefer to being just stay with her mom than
10:25
Speaker 1: to have to go half and half on a holiday.
10:28
Speaker 2: That's very self less of you, because most people don't
10:30
Speaker 2: feel that way.
10:31
Speaker 1: That's not a good I just that idea being split
10:34
Speaker 1: into two, or being obligator in some way if she
10:36
Speaker 1: just if she says she wants to go there, says
10:37
Speaker 1: she wants to come here. That's fine, and she's old
10:40
Speaker 1: enough she can decide. But I hate the idea of splitting. Yeah,
10:43
Speaker 1: and we did that. Was it last year? We had
10:46
Speaker 1: to do it.
10:46
Speaker 2: You drove on Christmas Day after we opened presents and
10:49
Speaker 2: I think we had lunch together in like mid afternoon.
10:52
Speaker 2: We had rented a house, and you drove her back
10:54
Speaker 2: into the city so she could spend the last half
10:56
Speaker 2: of Christmas with her mom.
10:57
Speaker 1: Yes, so it is don't like that?
10:59
Speaker 3: Yep, like that.
11:00
Speaker 2: I spent years and years and years doing that as well.
11:03
Speaker 2: And yes, it's hard on me the parent, but it's
11:06
Speaker 2: even harder on the kids.
11:07
Speaker 3: It's funny.
11:08
Speaker 2: Even Analysa was saying we were talking about Sabine and
11:10
Speaker 2: she said, oh, I I lived every single Christmas like that.
11:14
Speaker 3: I totally get it.
11:15
Speaker 2: It's not fun, but I do think it's it is
11:18
Speaker 2: cool that they can lean on each other because at
11:20
Speaker 2: least the older girls have been there, done that, and
11:23
Speaker 2: Sabine's going through it and there's at least some I
11:26
Speaker 2: guess there is a commiseration there is a recognition and
11:31
Speaker 2: you do you feel seen?
11:32
Speaker 3: You're not alone? Right?
11:33
Speaker 2: They kind of feel like we can help guide her
11:35
Speaker 2: because this has been our life.
11:37
Speaker 1: Well, it's things have settled, things are great now. Let's
11:40
Speaker 1: they can make decisions about where she wants to go
11:42
Speaker 1: and can speak up and that's yeah. There's no negotiation
11:45
Speaker 1: or anything that has to take place, and that's fine.
11:47
Speaker 1: But I would always elect. I would tell her right,
11:51
Speaker 1: I don't want her to feel guilty about Oh. I
11:52
Speaker 1: want to make sure. I don't want to feel bad
11:54
Speaker 1: for this parent or that parent. If she prefers to
11:57
Speaker 1: stay at one spot, I would prefer her to not
12:00
Speaker 1: see her on Christmas than to have her have to
12:04
Speaker 1: do that. I say, have to. If she chooses to,
12:06
Speaker 1: that's fine, but to have to do it and figuring
12:10
Speaker 1: out schedules and what time is this dinner and what
12:11
Speaker 1: time the gifts of being opened, I don't. I really
12:15
Speaker 1: don't like that.
12:17
Speaker 2: You know, it's so interesting what you just said. You
12:19
Speaker 2: said you don't want some being to feel guilty. And
12:21
Speaker 2: it's funny. My mom used to always say to me,
12:23
Speaker 2: guilt is a wasted emotion. Please don't ever feel guilty,
12:26
Speaker 2: And yet it's the guilt that we're talking that we
12:29
Speaker 2: have that we're trying to find a way through and
12:33
Speaker 2: out of. But that's what you don't want for your kids.
12:37
Speaker 2: You don't want your kids pulled or feeling guilty. So
12:40
Speaker 2: then maybe that is part of the reason why, through
12:43
Speaker 2: our own guilt we might overspend.
12:46
Speaker 1: And there are some that suggests we'll just talking about
12:49
Speaker 1: the guilt part of it. One way to do away
12:53
Speaker 1: with the splitting at least this suggestion that the families,
12:59
Speaker 1: even of divorce, spend the Christmas together like you spend
13:03
Speaker 1: it with y X in the house, just for the
13:05
Speaker 1: sake of the kids. When you think about that.
13:06
Speaker 2: Idea, look, you know what, when it works, I think
13:09
Speaker 2: it's awesome. The biggest example I just was reading about
13:12
Speaker 2: this is actually Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. They spend
13:15
Speaker 2: holidays together. Are other there's another famous couple out there
13:18
Speaker 2: who said they vacation together.
13:20
Speaker 3: That is impressive. That My hat is off to you.
13:24
Speaker 2: If you can stomach that and you can be not
13:26
Speaker 2: just cordial but actually enjoy yourself around your ex for
13:29
Speaker 2: your kids, that's incredible.
13:31
Speaker 3: It's just never been possible.
13:33
Speaker 1: Now.
13:33
Speaker 2: Look, I have had now enough years with Avan Anda's
13:36
Speaker 2: dad where Yes, graduations, you've been in the apartment. He
13:40
Speaker 2: comes with his wife and his children, and we're all
13:44
Speaker 2: in the same house. And it's but that took years
13:45
Speaker 2: to get.
13:46
Speaker 3: To that place, but we are there now one hundred percent.
13:50
Speaker 1: Still weird.
13:51
Speaker 3: Still, it's weird for me, and I think initially it
13:54
Speaker 3: was weird for the girls.
13:55
Speaker 2: But I know that it makes them feel very happy
13:57
Speaker 2: to see us all in the same place.
13:59
Speaker 3: Getting along.
14:00
Speaker 1: That's it. That's the key. I will show up wherever
14:03
Speaker 1: they tell me. I need to show up and get
14:04
Speaker 1: along with who I need to get along with. Yes,
14:07
Speaker 1: some limits there, I will say, but that's generally what
14:10
Speaker 1: we're talking about. Now. We are back and forth on
14:13
Speaker 1: this idea of guilt and overgiving of gifts because of
14:17
Speaker 1: a feeling of guilt. But stay here, Rolles says, tracked
14:21
Speaker 1: down what might be a pretty good plan to stick
14:26
Speaker 1: to of only giving five particular gifts. Trust me, folks,
14:32
Speaker 1: you want to hear this one. Stay here and welcome back, folks.
14:44
Speaker 1: We'll continue here on Amy and TJ. Rooves. I thought
14:46
Speaker 1: this was interesting, this idea. I'm not sure where you
14:48
Speaker 1: find it. You can explain, But we struggle with what
14:51
Speaker 1: gift to give, what kind and trying to think of
14:53
Speaker 1: all these things. This kind of helps.
14:56
Speaker 2: Yes, it was under a list of healthy alternatives to
14:59
Speaker 2: guilt based gifts. I was googling divorce parents guilt buying
15:03
Speaker 2: Christmas gifts, and so they said use the five gift role.
15:07
Speaker 3: This was so powerful to me.
15:09
Speaker 2: I actually would love to try this next year, the
15:11
Speaker 2: five gift role. So you buy something they want, something
15:16
Speaker 2: they need, something they wear, something they read, and an experience.
15:22
Speaker 2: I think that's really really cool. You can set your
15:25
Speaker 2: own limit on how much you want to spend whatever
15:29
Speaker 2: that is. But those that I really like the idea
15:32
Speaker 2: of it. Just thinking about having that be the guidepost.
15:36
Speaker 2: I actually feel my shoulders drop because there is so
15:38
Speaker 2: much pressure to make sure that you get them everything
15:42
Speaker 2: they want. You get them things they weren't expecting. You
15:45
Speaker 2: wow them on Christmas morning. And I don't feel this
15:48
Speaker 2: way necessarily now, but I know a lot of folks do.
15:50
Speaker 2: They are in competition with their ex because what are
15:53
Speaker 2: they getting from the other parent, and so you feel
15:55
Speaker 2: like you have to there's a one upsmanship that goes on.
15:58
Speaker 2: So they were saying some red flo flags of guilt giving,
16:01
Speaker 2: lavish spending. So if you find yourself spending more than
16:04
Speaker 2: you should, more than you can afford, and trying to
16:07
Speaker 2: buy more expensive gifts than the other parent, red flag manipulation.
16:11
Speaker 2: And I have seen this using gift to control behavior
16:16
Speaker 2: or to alienate the other parent.
16:18
Speaker 3: Basically, you can only play with that at my house.
16:20
Speaker 2: Oh I have seen this happen, babe. You can only
16:23
Speaker 2: wear this at our house. You cannot bring that with
16:26
Speaker 2: you to their house. And that is that you need
16:30
Speaker 2: to examine why, because that is not good for the kid.
16:33
Speaker 2: And I have absolutely watched that happen and it's heartbreaking.
16:37
Speaker 2: The other the unhealthy competition. You're turning the holidays into
16:40
Speaker 2: a contest with your ex and people do this, so
16:43
Speaker 2: you have to like really be honest with yourself and
16:45
Speaker 2: ask the whys. And really, the manipulation part, it sounds
16:48
Speaker 2: so offensive, and yet I think it's incredibly common, very
16:51
Speaker 2: much so, and you might not even realize you're doing
16:54
Speaker 2: but you're doing it, and the kids know.
16:57
Speaker 3: The kids No, But I really like this five gift rule.
17:00
Speaker 1: Do you I'll go ahead, Oh no, go ahead, Well
17:02
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you after you have put this.
17:05
Speaker 1: You see the five is this how you went about
17:09
Speaker 1: it with the girls. Did you get them both something
17:12
Speaker 1: they want? I know that's yes. To get them both
17:14
Speaker 1: something they need, I know that's a yes. Something they wear? Sure,
17:17
Speaker 1: read an experience? Did you give those.
17:19
Speaker 2: Uh, let me see, I don't believe funny enough that
17:27
Speaker 2: five gift rule.
17:28
Speaker 3: I have totally done for.
17:29
Speaker 2: You, like absolutely, I check check, check check. I have
17:33
Speaker 2: almost always gotten them an experience, but I did not
17:37
Speaker 2: this time. This might be one of the first Christmases
17:39
Speaker 2: I did not. Well, you know what, if you count
17:41
Speaker 2: the vacation we're going on, that's an experience. They're all
17:44
Speaker 2: getting a pretty all getting an experience. So yes, we
17:47
Speaker 2: are doing that. We are giving them an experience, and
17:49
Speaker 2: that is absolutely a Christmas present.
17:51
Speaker 3: But you know what, I didn't get them read something
17:53
Speaker 3: to read.
17:54
Speaker 1: That seems odd. We always get them something to read.
17:56
Speaker 2: I know. I feel like I wrap up books a lot,
17:58
Speaker 2: but somehow I did not for them.
18:00
Speaker 1: We can rectify this, we will, okay.
18:01
Speaker 2: But I like this, and I think this keeps things
18:04
Speaker 2: really simple and really.
18:08
Speaker 3: Manageable.
18:09
Speaker 2: And if they know, that's what you get, because I've
18:11
Speaker 2: even said to them, I'm like, guys, this is it
18:12
Speaker 2: takes three hours to open Christmas gifts in the morning
18:16
Speaker 2: it's out of control.
18:17
Speaker 1: And then another two hours of clean all deck crap.
18:18
Speaker 3: That's so true.
18:19
Speaker 2: I gotta get like two trash bags for all the
18:21
Speaker 2: wrapping paper for the hours we spent rapp And.
18:24
Speaker 1: You're the I think you're the ridiculous one that even
18:26
Speaker 1: before we start open and stuff, it's like three trash
18:29
Speaker 1: bags strategically placed around the living room.
18:31
Speaker 3: I was already It's so funny you just said that.
18:33
Speaker 3: I was already imagining me and Christmas morning.
18:36
Speaker 2: I get trash bags next to it like every other
18:38
Speaker 2: person like, and I'll make sure you put in the dress. Also,
18:41
Speaker 2: the reason why I do that is I don't want
18:43
Speaker 2: gifts to get thrown away. That happens all the time
18:46
Speaker 2: when all the wrapping papers everywhere, and then someone comes
18:48
Speaker 2: in and scoops it all up and somehow someone's gift
18:52
Speaker 2: got thrown out. So I just figure if the wrapping
18:54
Speaker 2: paper immediately goes into the trash bag, you avoid that.
18:58
Speaker 1: That only happens when you buy too many damn guilt gifts. Well, folks,
19:04
Speaker 1: hope you're I mean, yeah, we got days left here,
19:07
Speaker 1: but this was I don't know. We had to stop
19:09
Speaker 1: and kind of check ourselves. And we were having a
19:10
Speaker 1: conversation and we thought, wow, I've got a bunch of
19:12
Speaker 1: people are dealing with this as well, if they realize
19:15
Speaker 1: it or not, are doing this And maybe we didn't
19:18
Speaker 1: at times this year last year, but we're all human, bit.
19:23
Speaker 3: Yes, and we can all learn from our mistakes.
19:26
Speaker 2: And I do think that it's only through making them
19:30
Speaker 2: that you realize. Wait, I think I need to correct
19:32
Speaker 2: something right now, and I need to acknowledge something about
19:35
Speaker 2: myself right now. And once man, when you can get
19:38
Speaker 2: rid of guilt, when you can shed yourself of that
19:40
Speaker 2: and say, you know what, My kids are resilient, My
19:43
Speaker 2: kids are strong. My kids are smart and brave and
19:46
Speaker 2: they have been through a lot, but that's going to
19:47
Speaker 2: make them stronger emotionally more stable individuals. And so that's
19:51
Speaker 2: where I'm going to land this year.
19:54
Speaker 1: Well, folks, hope you are having a good holiday so far,
19:57
Speaker 1: and we'll continue. Good luck weekend last weekend before Christmas
20:02
Speaker 1: South there again. Don't spend too much and don't spend
20:05
Speaker 1: out of guilt, folks, We always appreciate you spending some
20:08
Speaker 1: time with us. I'm TJ. Holmes by half of my
20:10
Speaker 1: Dreamy Robot, we'll talk to us