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Yet More Ridiculous Historical Honorifics: Ethelred Just Ain't Ready · Ridiculous History

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  Speaker 1: Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
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  Speaker 1: the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
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  Speaker 1: for tuning in. Let's hear it for our super producer,
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  Speaker 1: mister Max Williams. Rah, did I do it this time? Right?
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  Speaker 1: Benh you're nailing an Oh? Rah ras al Uh? What
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  Speaker 1: was the thingan? Yes? Yes? Check check out stuffer sorry,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: check out hook and stuff. They will want, you know,
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  Speaker 1: for more on the infamous Rufio. We're gonna give Max
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  Speaker 1: an honorific for today's episode. You're an old brown I've
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  Speaker 1: been bullying' Yes, what if we call what if we
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  Speaker 1: call Max the ready?
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  Speaker 2: Williams, Oh, he's always ready, He's he is uh Johnny
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  Speaker 2: on the spot as they say yes.
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  Speaker 1: For some reason, I instantly wanted to reply Spotty on
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  Speaker 1: the jog, But that.
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  Speaker 2: Feels like why wouldn't you. That's what the mind does.
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  Speaker 2: It seeks patterns and then jumbles them up.
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  Speaker 1: Here we go.
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to say what that made me think
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  Speaker 3: of everybody, which is one of the nicknames we gave
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  Speaker 3: my friend Greg once when he tried to give himself
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  Speaker 3: a nickname.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I remember, legendary Gregg guys, have you ever
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  Speaker 2: heard of a porta potty brand called honey bucket?
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  Speaker 1: I have not, and it is that name despicable. Can
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  Speaker 1: I just say I think it's just awful. Honey bucket
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  Speaker 1: sounds like a bad name for anything, including a literal
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  Speaker 1: bucket of honey.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, don't want it, don't need it, don't want it around.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say I'll say this off air, y'all,
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  Speaker 3: but I do not have to censor out, so I'm
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  Speaker 3: not gonna say it.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just now I'm picturing honeybucket as one of
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  Speaker 1: those one of those weirdly idiosyncratic Southern nicknames that someone
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  Speaker 1: will just drop in conversation, maybe at a diner, and
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  Speaker 1: you don't know how to react, like, Okay, what can
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  Speaker 1: I get you? Honeybucket? Yeah, somebody sugar and a word.
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  Speaker 1: And with this, as you can tell, folks, we are
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  Speaker 1: super into nicknames and wordplay. This is part of our
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  Speaker 1: continuing series on something called honorifics Noel. As you and
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  Speaker 1: I discovered previously, honorific is just the fancy version of
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  Speaker 1: a nickname often assigned to historical figures, to royals, and
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  Speaker 1: sometimes without their consent. Coside or agreement.
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  Speaker 2: Typically, that's the way proper honorifics work. To Max's point
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  Speaker 2: about his friend Greg giving himself a nickname and that
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  Speaker 2: backfiring dreadfully.
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  Speaker 1: Like that old I love that legendary Saturday Night Live
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  Speaker 1: sketch about Sting giving himself the nickname Sting and everyone's going, okay, Gordon, Gordon.
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  Speaker 2: This is also reflected in Dana Carvey's Seminal nineteen ninety
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  Speaker 2: stand up special, where he does that whole bit and
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  Speaker 2: I didn't actually realize that it was originally part of
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  Speaker 2: a sketch, and that a lot of the bits he
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  Speaker 2: does in that that the first time I was hearing them,
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  Speaker 2: like Choppin' Brocoli.
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  Speaker 1: And all that that was from his days on S
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  Speaker 1: and M. And speaking of spectacular comedy of yesteryear, let's
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  Speaker 1: get into some more terrible hoterrifics. Maybe we start with
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  Speaker 1: Charles two, Charles the Second.
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  Speaker 2: That's right, the King ruler of France and the Holy
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  Speaker 2: Roman Emperor. When talking about kings and emperors, Charles the
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  Speaker 2: Second was actually both of them. Britannica puts it thusly.
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  Speaker 2: Charles the Second born June thirteenth, eight twenty three died
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  Speaker 2: October sixth eight to seventy seven Bridess Lebon, France. Doing
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  Speaker 2: my best there, hopefully casey pegrim is prout. He was
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  Speaker 2: the King of France known as Francia Occidentales the West
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  Speaker 2: Frankish Kingdom. He served from eighteen forty three to eighteen
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  Speaker 2: seventy seven, and was also the Western Emperor from eight
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  Speaker 2: seventy five to eight seventy seven. And you know, if
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  Speaker 2: that wasn't complex enough, history has reckoned him as Charles
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  Speaker 2: the Second, both of the Holy Roman Empire and also
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  Speaker 2: of France.
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  Speaker 1: All right, so be informed, folks. It may sound to
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  Speaker 1: a casual reader that there are two different Charles the Second.
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  Speaker 1: In this case it's the same guy. He's just pulling
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  Speaker 1: double duty in the great gig economy of monarchy. He
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  Speaker 1: is the son of Emperor Louis first, the Pious, who
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  Speaker 1: is also and he's the grandson. Do you think he
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  Speaker 1: was Do you think he was that pious? He probably
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  Speaker 1: had a good thing going with the church, fair enough,
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  Speaker 1: they liked him.
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  Speaker 2: That's a good example of an honorific bestowed on someone
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  Speaker 2: who has a lot of political cachet, right, you know.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And Charles the Second is also the grandson of Charlemagne,
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  Speaker 1: who is just a fascinating character. Charles the Great another
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  Speaker 1: very flattering, honorific. Yes, like our coworker, Charlemagne the God.
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  Speaker 1: He is technically our coworker, that is true. Ben He
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  Speaker 1: and his second wife, Judith, that's Louis's second wife, not Charlemage.
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  Speaker 1: The gods got it, yes, exactly. So Charles was the
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  Speaker 1: unwitting cause of violence. In eight twenty nine, he was
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  Speaker 1: granted lands by his father and this essentially led to
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  Speaker 1: a the Cavalca, the Domino effect series of internal civil wars.
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  Speaker 1: And by internal I mean within the family. Yeah, very
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  Speaker 1: secession style, right, that's right. So so Charlie gets a
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  Speaker 1: bunch of land, how does that lead to civil war?
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  Speaker 1: We have to remember what we what we just mentioned
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  Speaker 1: there there was a first wife, you know, and Louie
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  Speaker 1: had three sons with this previous spouse. And these three guys, understandably,
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  Speaker 1: they don't like that their younger half brother is getting
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  Speaker 1: all this real estate. Those three guys are low there.
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  Speaker 1: The first Louis two electric Boogaloo and Pippin one. Pippin
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  Speaker 1: what is it? What's that song from Pippin?
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  Speaker 3: Uh?
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  Speaker 1: Do you know Pippin?
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  Speaker 2: The musical was written by the same guy that real Wicked,
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  Speaker 2: and when you listen to the music, you can really tell.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys are musical theater people,
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  Speaker 2: but I think he's got a song. It's called My
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  Speaker 2: Place in the Sky or something. It's very jubilant and
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  Speaker 2: very Wicked esque. But Pippen, yes, the first. Don't think
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  Speaker 2: it has anything to do nothing. It has to do
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  Speaker 2: with Pippin one. I I like saying Pippin one as well.
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  Speaker 2: It really rolls off the tongue or pops off the lips, so,
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  Speaker 2: you know, playing favorites, I suppose is maybe the issue
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  Speaker 2: at hand here. Dad gifts Charlie boy a bunch of
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  Speaker 2: tracts of very valuable land and it causes some resentment,
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  Speaker 2: sure from the aforementioned Lothair one, Louis two, and Pippin one.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, and our research associate for today's episode, Max Williams,
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  Speaker 1: speculates that perhaps the brothers three were resentful because Charles
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  Speaker 1: had a better name than them, and loth are Louis
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  Speaker 1: Pippen those are yeah, they're esoteric, right, So this civil
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  Speaker 1: war over this real estate and other resentments goes from
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  Speaker 1: eight twenty nine all the way up to eight thirty eight,
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  Speaker 1: and this is when one dies, unfortunately for Pip and one.
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  Speaker 1: After the death of the Patter familias Louis the First
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  Speaker 1: in eighteen forty, the civil war kicks back into gear
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  Speaker 1: and it continues until Louis the Second, whose street name
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  Speaker 1: is Louis the German, joins forces with Charles and they
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  Speaker 1: banned up against Lothar, and they do this through something
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  Speaker 1: called the Treaty of Verdoon in eight forty three. And
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  Speaker 1: the Treaty of verdon is kind of bringing order to
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  Speaker 1: the chaos, getting everybody on the same page. You know, look,
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  Speaker 1: we're all still one percenters. Can't we all just get along?
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  Speaker 1: So they allocate out all the lands they control to
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  Speaker 1: these three living brothers in pursuit of peace. However, as
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  Speaker 1: any ruler can assure you, peace does not always automatically
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  Speaker 1: mean things are simple, So being contrary right right peace
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  Speaker 1: can be complicated. So for Charles ruling post verdon Is
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  Speaker 1: is kind of tricky for sure.
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  Speaker 2: And really quickly off air, we had a funny little
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  Speaker 2: stumble wherein I accidentally played through my speakers a vintage
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  Speaker 2: SNL clip called Lothar of the Hill People When I
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  Speaker 2: hear the name Lothar in this in this story, I
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  Speaker 2: think of like it should be followed up with like
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  Speaker 2: the Terrible or the Barbarian or something. And then it
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  Speaker 2: turns out Mike Myers played Lothar of the hill people
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  Speaker 2: on an old s n ol spelt differently, but it
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  Speaker 2: is Lothar, not low Fair. But it's still the mind
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  Speaker 2: once with the mind wants.
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  Speaker 1: Mike Myers, famously known for basing all of his sketches
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  Speaker 1: on this Civil War Indian Ye, yeah, don't fatch I
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  Speaker 1: is there? No? No, no, I mean think about think
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  Speaker 1: about Wayne's world, really think about it.
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  Speaker 2: Well, well, now we've got Mike Myers and Jana Carvey
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  Speaker 2: entering the chat properly. So I think that was an
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  Speaker 2: important assign. So when Lothar's albus son, who is the
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  Speaker 2: Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, Louis the second he
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  Speaker 2: passed away in eight to seventy five, Charles took a
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  Speaker 2: little sojourn over to Italy and where he was crowned
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  Speaker 2: emperor on December twenty fifth by the Pope John the eighth.
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  Speaker 2: So this is how he managed to become both the
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  Speaker 2: King of France and the Holy Roman emperor, So you know,
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  Speaker 2: no slouch kind of doing double duty there, at least
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  Speaker 2: title wise.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, and Max has a great Skyrim reference here. I
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  Speaker 1: don't want us to lose, honey. Yeah, Charles was right,
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  Speaker 1: like you were saying. Old Charles is in a precarious
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  Speaker 1: position because he asked to question the loyalty of his vassals,
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  Speaker 1: the minor nobles. They're supposed to be on his team.
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  Speaker 1: His real estate is getting raided by these groups of Northerners,
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  Speaker 1: and he essentially is reduced to bribing them off, not
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  Speaker 1: conquering them, but paying them to go away. He gets
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  Speaker 1: defeated by the Bretons quote presumably using their partially Elvin
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  Speaker 1: blood for superior magic abilities. Max, I knew it was
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  Speaker 1: important to you that we put that in there.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you. Yeah, the durani Elves and the
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  Speaker 3: needs created the Bretons m Olivia. Olivia wasn't not when
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  Speaker 3: this game got ridden.
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  Speaker 1: Okay wait wait wait wait Max with facts Yeah, oh
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  Speaker 1: of course, in fact fact to Jason, so as you yes,
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  Speaker 1: facted Jason fictional facts. So uh so, like you were saying,
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  Speaker 1: there is this fascinating situation where Charles becomes both the
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  Speaker 1: Holy Broken Emperor co signed by Pope John and the
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  Speaker 1: King of France at the same time. In eighteen seventy six,
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  Speaker 1: after the death of Louis the Second, Louis the German,
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  Speaker 1: Charles invades his half brother's land and then he gets
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  Speaker 1: defeated by Louis the German's son, who is Louis three
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  Speaker 1: and his moniker, his autorific Louis three the Younger, which
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  Speaker 1: reminds me, you know, this is very creative. Can I
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  Speaker 1: say this for all our aspiring MC's in the crowd
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  Speaker 1: this evening. I'm hoping there are a lot of us.
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  Speaker 1: Please please please get in front of it with your
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  Speaker 1: street name. Be very careful about calling yourself young something
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  Speaker 1: or liull something, because if your career is successful, do
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  Speaker 1: you really want to be in your mid fifties and
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  Speaker 1: still going by like young mikey aod.
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  Speaker 2: It's a good point, I will say this. Sometimes these
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  Speaker 2: nicknames can evolve, or by the very nature of one's
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  Speaker 2: own success, you can kind of toss him off. Stevie
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  Speaker 2: Wonder for a long time early in his career, was
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  Speaker 2: known as Little Stevie Wonder because he was a child prodigy.
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  Speaker 2: But then he did not continue going by little Stevie.
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  Speaker 2: Wonder when he reached adolescents and adulthood.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So word to the wise folks, we're let
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  Speaker 1: us help you set yourself up for success. Help us
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  Speaker 1: help you. So there's Now, we've told you a lot
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  Speaker 1: of autorifics here, and we've talked a lot about our
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  Speaker 1: buddy Charles, but we haven't given anyone his honorific yet.
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna give you the headline and then we're going
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  Speaker 1: to tell you why he got that nickname. Play along
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  Speaker 1: at home. Can you guess why his honorific is Charles
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  Speaker 1: the Bald? He was frollically challenged. Yes, yes, he was
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  Speaker 1: part of the much maligned and underappreciated class of bald people.
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  Speaker 1: He was cranium enhanced.
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  Speaker 2: Hey see, that's how Larry David would be proud er
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  Speaker 2: well put.
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  Speaker 1: To understand the full context here, let's go to Aaron
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  Speaker 1: Kelly writing for all that's interesting. Aaron puts it thustly.
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  Speaker 2: Charles was the King of West Francia, the King of Italy,
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  Speaker 2: and Holy Roman Emperor from eight seventy five to seventy seven.
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  Speaker 2: As you mentioned as Charles the Second, a grandson of
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  Speaker 2: Charlotte Magne, he actually wasn't bald.
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  Speaker 1: Dang it.
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  Speaker 2: It's an ironic epathetic because he was actually quite harry. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: it's like little John in the Robin Hood canon. Okay, well,
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  Speaker 2: you know we made an honest mistake, y'all.
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  Speaker 1: Well we got tricked, as did the rest of history.
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  Speaker 1: It's a very Iceland to Greenland thing. Still, though, even
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  Speaker 1: with very important historical figures, just the sheer amount of
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  Speaker 1: time between eight hundred something in twenty twenty five means
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  Speaker 1: that a lot of the true story has been lost
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to history, and it can be difficult to suss out
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: what is, you know, their equivalent of Internet trolling versus
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: what is factual improven kind of like the debate over
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Napoleon's height, which turned out to be propaganda, there's no
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  Speaker 1: isn't there something about his penis as well? Napoleon's piedus?
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  Speaker 1: I thought there was. I haven't really thought about Napoleon's penis. Yep,
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  Speaker 1: that's right, there was a Sorry.
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  Speaker 2: The headline from two thousand and eight at NPRPS the
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  Speaker 2: Twisted Journey of Napoleon's Privates. Looking to that yourself, I'm
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  Speaker 2: almost positive we've talked about this in some form or fashion.
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  Speaker 2: But there is a story behind the provenance and ownership
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  Speaker 2: of Napoleon's junk.
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  Speaker 1: People love relics, people love relics, and the weirder, the better,
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  Speaker 1: says history. So if you want to learn more about Charles,
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  Speaker 1: do check out Charles the Bald, The Story of the Epithet.
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  Speaker 1: It's a thesis written by Margaret Audrey Anderson over at Caltech.
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  Speaker 1: That's a pretty good one. That's a pretty tame one.
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  Speaker 1: Let's go to another honorific. It's weird to call these honorifics,
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  Speaker 1: but let's go to another honorific with Louis the eighteenth
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  Speaker 1: And a big, big thanks to our pal Max for
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  Speaker 1: replacing the Roman numerals with modern numbers and.
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  Speaker 2: Really quickly, just to sum up a quick off MI
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  Speaker 2: a side that I had. I was just curious, like
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  Speaker 2: is honorific like a portmanteau of like honor and terrific
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  Speaker 2: or something.
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  Speaker 1: No.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, it actually has a Latin origin, meaning that
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  Speaker 2: which does honor. It comes from honorific cuss. So in
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  Speaker 2: case anyone was wondering, thought we'd go ahead and get
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  Speaker 2: that out of the way. But yes, let us do
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  Speaker 2: roll through with Louis the eighteenth, the King of France,
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  Speaker 2: and Navarre.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we're still in France. We're almost a thousand
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: years in the future flying cars, yet they have some
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  Speaker 1: revolutionary ideas. Cookie okay for sure for a nice little
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: thematic bookend. Yes, this guy's name is also Louis. There
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  Speaker 1: are eighteen kings in French history who have the name Louis.
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  Speaker 1: They were just super into it. A lot of them
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  Speaker 1: had very famous names. We probably all have heard of
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Louis the fourteenth ak the Son King. We mentioned him
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: in our conversation about ridiculous clothing with aj Bahamas Jacobs.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of other people named Louis who had their
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  Speaker 1: own honorifics to differentiate them. And if we're positing why
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  Speaker 1: these guys keep having the same name, it's likely a
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  Speaker 1: move to generate credibility to the throne, right like I'm
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm definitely just like the other king. You like,
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  Speaker 1: I've got the same name. We do want to give
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  Speaker 1: a shout out to, of course, Louis the fifth, the
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  Speaker 1: do Nothing. That's a heck of a street dame.
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  Speaker 2: No.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, rough day for Louis, rough rain for Louis.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to get to another sort of diss in
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  Speaker 2: terms of laziness horrific coming up in a little bit.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, So, okay, Louis the eighteenth, the subject of our
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  Speaker 1: examination here. He didn't have the best time because he
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: happened to be king when this other dude with a
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  Speaker 1: penis that will be famous in the future, a guy
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  Speaker 1: named Napoleon, was hanging out.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, apparently it became like this, the consistency of beef jerky,
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: because they didn't put it in for al day, and
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: it like toured around the globe like under glass, the
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  Speaker 2: whole thing. Sorry, I don't know why I'm hung up
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  Speaker 2: on this, but you brought it back.
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  Speaker 1: Up again then.
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  Speaker 2: So Louis the eighteenth says Britannica was born November seventeen
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  Speaker 2: seventy and fifty five in Versailles and the past on
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  Speaker 2: September sixteenth, eighteen twenty four, and Perry he was the
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  Speaker 2: King of France by title only in seventeen ninety five
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  Speaker 2: and in actual facts, to quote Lauren Vogelbaum's genius catchphrase,
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  Speaker 2: from eighteen fourteen to eighteen twenty four, We're gonna get
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  Speaker 2: more into the whole by title period of this reign
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  Speaker 2: in a little bit. But Meritanica goes on Louis was
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  Speaker 2: the fourth son of the Dauphin, which you might have
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: seen in like I believe, the Dauphin comes up in
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  Speaker 2: the Three Musketeers, which means the eldest heir to the king,
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  Speaker 2: Louis the son of that's right, exactly, the special best boy.
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  Speaker 2: So that was Louis, the son of Louis the fifteenth.
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  Speaker 2: By the way, we're gonna get into some confusing naming
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  Speaker 2: conventions here because everyone here, as you mentioned Ben as
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  Speaker 2: an indicator of you know, prominence or whatever, to remind
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  Speaker 2: the people that Louise are the best, they were the
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  Speaker 2: good ones. They're all named Louis. So we're going to
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  Speaker 2: talk in numbers, so I myself will likely get continue
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: to confuse and Ben, thank you for going through and
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: changing all the minerals.
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  Speaker 1: Two actual numbers. I really appreciate. That's Max's.
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  Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you for Max. Then I'm not insulted
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  Speaker 2: at all, but I know I truly am not.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: And we eat it because it can be like reading
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: one hundred Years of Solitude if you remember that book,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: most famous for well, it's great work of magical realism,
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  Speaker 1: but also a ton of people have the same name
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: or very similar names so well.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: And let's be real, once you get into higher digits
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: of Roman numerals, unless you're really up to snuff on it,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: it can be confusing for even the best of us.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Of course, yeah, so at times we may refer to
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: these guys as just eighteen and sixteen to save us
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: all the heartbreak. Louis eighteen the eighteenth is given the
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: title it provolts but it sounds like a cheese, it does,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: and it does sound good. After two of he gets this,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and then two of his older brothers pass away, his
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: eldest brother Louis the sixteenth, so they're brothers that are
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: both named Louis. Louis the sixteenth becomes king, Louis eighteen
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: gets the title of air Presumptive. Louis sixteen has two kids,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: so the king has two kids, and that means Louis
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: eighteen is going to have a much more difficult time
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: becoming the king because you know, the two direct children
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: will get the throne first. So the revolution happens. French
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Revolution seventeen eighty nine was a wild time. You may
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: have heard about it, and Louis the eighteenth stays in Paris,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: hopefully to exploit the situation. He's thinking, maybe there is
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: opportunity in this chaos, Maybe I can ascend to the
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: throne once this unpleasantness dies down. It did not die down.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: It's super not die down. And so Louis had to
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: flee the country. He skips town. In June of seventeen
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: ninety one.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Little known detail, the French Revolution was often referred to
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: as the Great Unpleasantness.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Right the age of the Guillotine, Louis the eighteenth publishes
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: all these anti revolutionary manifestos. He gets a bunch of
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: like expat associations together and they go around kind of
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: door to door, castle to castle, asking other monarchs in
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: different countries to help them in the fight against this
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: dirty peasant uprising. Of course, Louis the sixteenth and Marie
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Antoinette are still, you know, held captive by the revolutionaries.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: They're executed in seventeen ninety three. Louis eighteen, here's about this,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: and he says, well, you know, my nephew is young.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Louis is young, and I know he's the Dauphine, but
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I am going to be his regent. So right now,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: what we would say is that Louis eighteen is given
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: big scar energy, you know, yeah, yeah, exactly, long live
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: the king.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Indeed, so Louis seventeen would eventually pass away in seventeen
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: ninety five and his uncle would declare himself King Louis eighteen.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: Little more to get through, the more Louis in fact,
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: so there's a huge problem to you. Oh yeah, said
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: on that too with Chris frasciotis here in spirit. Yeah,
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: check that one out from the early days of ridiculous history.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: So there's a huge problem with Louis the eighteenth plan
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: of like, you know, declaring himself king. At this time
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: that wasn't a thing. There was not a king of France,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: hence the by title note that we mentioned above. So
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: between seventeen ninety five and eighteen fourteen, Louis kind of
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: wandered the earth like Cain from Kung Fu, at least,
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: you know, in Europe. He went journeyed between Russia, England
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: and Russia, promoting this notion of royalism, and this whole
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: goal seemed to lose even more steam after Napoleon declared
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: himself emperor in eighteen o four.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: LOUI, Yeah, and so this is this is weird because
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Napoleon actually tries to broker a deal with Louis the eighteenth,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and he says, look, if you abdicate your title and
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: you admit that I Napoleon am the Emperor, will set
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you up for life, will give you a pension. You
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: won't have to worry about anything. And Louis says, heck, no,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: man all. And so Napoleon runs into, you know, his
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: own series of defeats. He takes epic victories and absolute defeats,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: right right. So it's eighteen thirteen, and this is where
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Louis the eighteenth issues another manifesto and he says, you know, look, peasants,
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I will recognize some stuff from the French Revolution as
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: long as we restore my monarchy. This is crazy, right,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: So Allied armies enter Paris. It's March of eighteen fourteen,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: and there's this brilliant diplomat who often, yes, she often
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: gets forgotten, but he's really good at me. Can you
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: get forgotten with a name like Tali rad No? And
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: so he no eighteen and sixteen for that guy, he's
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: just tally Rand. So he's able to negotiate this restoration
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: such that on May third of that same year, eighteen fourteen,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Louis is considered again the king, and that's why he
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: was king in title for a while, but now he's
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: king in fact.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: So on May the second, Louis eighteen officially declared or
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: at least promised, a constitutional monarchy. He wasn't going to
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: be a iron fisted despot, you know, with the totalitarian regime.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: He promised a parliament's a a two party parliament, religious tolerance,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: rights for all citizens guaranteed, a constitution. This is when
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: the shot constitutional now was adopted on June fourth of
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: eighteen fourteen. This was another you know, I mean, hell,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: we always refer to our democracy here in the United
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: States as being a bit of an experiment, so this
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: certainly was that.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. And things seemed set to reach a
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: somewhat peaceful conclusion until what's like, anyo moretone music here?
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Perfect until there's another returning character, a man who is
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: unmess withable because we're family. Show Napoleon right, and he
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: returns from Elba, and this cuts Louise's constitutional experiments short.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: No pun intended, because he in fact was of average height.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: After Marshall michel Ney defected to Napoleon on March the
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: seventeenth of eighteen fifteen, our king fled to Ghent, and
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: he did not have his return of the King, if
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: we're being Lord of the ringsy about it until July
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: the eighth, after a bit of a famous battle known
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: as Waterloo, also a really nice sunset depicted in a
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: lovely song by The Kinks.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and after this, Louis serves as king until he
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: passes away on September sixteenth, eighteen twenty four. The autorifics
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: left in his wake are the following You're gonna see
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: two Okay, you're gonna see him called Louis eight, Louis
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: the Desired, or Louis Ahead the smoke Show right, sexy
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: beast right right. They originally went with Louis the Bembo,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: but them there it is. But he has a little
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: bit more heavy metal one that I think we all prefer,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: which is Louis the eighteenth, the Unavoidable.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Oh man, he just really insists on himself, doesn't He's
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: just there because he just turn around.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Would stop, He wouldn't stop saying he was king until
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: eventually everybody just agreed with him.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: You know, that is a way of doing things. It's
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: not a cool way of doing things. But no little
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: thing we see a little bit around these parts and
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: in the United States. It's just the idea if you
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: repeat something enough times and people just kind of get fatigued,
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: then it just sort of roll over.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Outs to jump in here real quick.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: The article from a Saint Neo's Museum, which is a
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: museum over in England. I look at the photo that
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: they use of louis the unavoidable. It just it's the epitome.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: Just go into the article and click into it. I'm
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: just like, tell me when you have it up.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Got it? Yeah?
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Are here? Uh you're talking about your talking?
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he is just like, hi guy, he looks he
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: looks like a wear turtle. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Man,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: when the full moon waxes, he transforms in the night
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: into a turtle. Remember those yard hermits. Yes, yeah, it's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: like one of those. I mean, not trying to be
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: a big, big yard hermit vibes.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: But when you when you research royals, you can tell
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: when like the change happened from like painting completely to like,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: you know, trying to be more realistic or you get
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: photos because like a good example of this was in
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: our spiritual prequel to this series, Ridiculous World Deaths Part one,
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: when we talked about the Swedish king who ate himself
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: to death. Every single painting of him, he's just like
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: the super tall in shape guys and fit. Yeah, in
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: every writing about him said that was nothing like him.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: I love that stuff. I love That's one of my
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: favorite things about researching royalty and older historical figures. I
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: like to read a lot about them before I ever
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: see a visual depiction because that there's an unending opportunity
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: for hilarity there. And shout out to all all the artists,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: the portraitus and so on who had to make these
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: royal depictions. We don't blame you. We know that you
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: would have been murdered if you put it, you know,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: if you were a little too accurate in your renditions.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean to be political at all, but like
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: you don't remember what happened just recently with Donald Trump,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: the President of the United States, where he had like
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: and what he believed to be an unflattering portrait removed. Well,
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: you know, I mean like back in those these days,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: that kind of attitude might have led to the artist
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: to your point, Ben being you know, executed summarily.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they had to be ready, which brings us to
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: something for all read.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: For so long, we've talked about ethel Read before and
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: this is very familiar.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, and we mentioned him often. I think we talked
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: with Jack and Miles about him as well. He comes
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: up as a as a side note whenever we talk
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: about autorifics in general, just because this poor schmuck has
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: one of the most hilarious and insulting autorifics in history,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: ethel Read the unready. We're not saying he's bad. We're
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: not saying he's terrible. We're not saying he's you know,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: beat me Max, We're saying he's an asshole. We're just
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: saying he's not prepared. It's bit of a slouch. Yeah, yeah,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: to your earlier boint. Ethel Read is part of the
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Saxon dynasty that rules rules England from the ninth to
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the eleventh century.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: According to the Royal Family website, ethel Read the second,
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: the younger son of Edgar, became king at the age
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: of seven following the murder most foul of his half
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: brother Edward the Second in nine seventy eight at Corfe Castle.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: Dorset by ethel Red's retainers.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Whatever is it? Like? What is posse? What are his retainers? Yeah? Yeah,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: like his people is okay? Got it? Yeah.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: For the rest of ethel Red's rule reigned nine seventy
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: eight to ten sixteen, his brother became a posthumous rallying
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: point for political unrest. A hostile church transformed Edward into
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: a royal martyr.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Which means that now Ethelred is forced to go against
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: the church. Supporting Ethelred means you may be in opposition
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: to God as the way the public understands it. So
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: it makes it really tough for Ethelred to keep his retainers,
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: to have the allegiance of even the civilian population. And
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: while all this is happening, the Vikings are also trying
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: to take England for themselves. Yeah, you wolf at the door.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: You know they are coming for the English people's lands
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: and all that they hold dear.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: And Ethelred is a lot of things. He's not ready
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: and he's not a fighter, however, so he so he
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: attempts to kind of stem the chaos by making political
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: alliances in nine ninety one and almost in nineteen ninety one,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: and he says, look, Duke, you gotta help me out.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: And so the Duke of Normandy is able to help
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: fend off Vikings, and then later ethel Red also does
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: the bribery move. He buys off renewed attacks from the
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Danes with a tax called the Dane Guild the Dane Gold.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: So imagine, like there's something like, imagine if what's a
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: fun country to invade the US? Imagine if Jamaica all
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: of a sudden has this amazing army and there.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: I'm here for that and I would love to be
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: taken over by the Jamaica.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: And they're and they're invading the US. And then sure,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: the President puts out a tax so you have to
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: add X percentage to everything you buy and it's called
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: you know, like uh, the Rost attacks. Okay, the Iri tax.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love it. Now either one will workshop it.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: I love this this this fictional scenario, though, Ben, I
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: don't know why. It just tickles me.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: It seems pretty cool, right, But yeah, it's not cool
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: for ethel Red by ten Or, as Max refers to
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: him as, and numerous flippy dips on his nickname.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: We've got ethyl sauce ethyl fart for some reason. Yeah,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: just Ethyl unready, Yeah, Ethyl not ready. I believe this
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: is how he puts Ethyl no ready. I just love
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: how you keep us on our Toastmax. Good job, so
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: good show.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: So look, by ten twelve, forty eight thousand pounds of
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: silver have been paid via this tax to Danes that
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: are camped in London. The whole country is just foo bar.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: It's an absolute mess.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the country becomes ravaged and Ethyl Red's efforts to
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: you know, hopefully secure peace through currency not a good
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: move because then he just realized the invaders realized that, Okay,
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: this is a weak individual here trying to pay us off.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: We don't need you to pay us. We're just gonna
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: take it right. That's our whole thing. Do you not
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: know about the Vikings? You will? Were you not prepared? Anyway?
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: They're not just invading and doing hit and runs at
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: this point or b and ease. They start settling down,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: putting down roots and towns, and ethel Red launch as
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: a massacre of these Danish settlers. Sorry, I'm afraid of them.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: As the Vikings. I meant the Danes. The Danes could
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: be blood thirsty. Two who's to say, yeah, blood's for
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: everybody if you're thirsty enough. So by the end of
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: ten thirteen, the Danish king at the time swhen one
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: had been accepted as the king in England and ethel
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Red has to scdaddle off to Normandy. Ethel Fled Ethyl
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: nice good button. Right.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: So with this we've got a deposed king hiding out
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: in France on the lamb. But it is not the
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: end of ethyl Fled's story. So what happened to seven?
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna go with Sven the First or his much
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: better names seven for just very Viking sounding. He wasn't
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: long for this world. Svend or Svend Seveskaide, which was
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: his native name. It had been around for a bit,
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: becoming king of Denmark in nineteen eighty seven. He took
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: control of Norway as well in one thousand in a
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: year one thousand, before becoming King of England in ten thirteen,
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: and then he passed away the next year in ten fourteen.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: So now there is a power vacuum. This opens an
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: enormous opportunity for Ethelred. Ethelred's counsel of advisors invite him
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: to return to the throne after the death of fork Beard,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: and they say, well, let you do this asterisk so
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: long as you agree to satisfy our grievances. So I
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: have to kind of pay us off to Ethelred spoiler dies.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: He doesn't last too long after this. He passes away
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: in ten sixteen, but he is legacy is secure. The
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: line of Saxon rulers has been restored to the throne,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: and this is where his son, Edmund the second Ironside
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: much cooler name side note, Uh yeah, he Ironside is
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: not really his father's son in terms of behavior. He's
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: excellent at defending England from Forkbeard's son, who, in a
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: weird way that we won't get into, is also kind
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: of co king of England anyway, Unfortunately for Ironside, we're
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: just gonna throw that one over there. Unfortunately for Ironside,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: someone shot him in the ass with a crossbow and
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: he died with a bolt from the crossbow. Sorry, if
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: they didn't throw a whole crossbow out him, Yeah, that
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: would have been like adding insultsanderin. Yeah, and if you.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: Want to learn more, check out the Ridiculous or Death
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: episode where we talk about Edmund Ironside and also the
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: debate of whether it was a crossbow or a dagger
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: and if they left the dagger.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: In oh right, yeah yeah, but it was definitely as
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: but we do you know that part.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: It appears that someone went into the chamber underneath, crawl
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: through all the poop and shot.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, yep, yep, And do check out an episode for
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: kind of what happens and gain in the Song of
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Ice and Fire, similar to uh, what's his name? Uh
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: till ty Taiwan lanister, he gets shot with a crossbow
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: in the privy.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, crossbow and the privy. It's it's like a clue
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: situation exactly. So let's just talk a little bit about
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: this nickname that we tease so often we should the market.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah all right, So Ethel read the unready. It gets
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: a lot of guff from us here, ridiculous history because
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: of what the word unready means in twenty twenty five,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: back when he got the name, it didn't mean exactly
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: the same thing unread meant no council or that he
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: was stupid.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, so even worse frankly than being unprepared really going
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: after his intelligence there.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So maybe on on a more optimistic or empathetic note,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: maybe Ethel read the unready meant more that he didn't
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: have a lot of people on his side, you know
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: what I mean. Seems so yeah, but it could also
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: just meant that he was dumb as a bag of
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: door nubs.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: And actually, if you go a little deeper, the nickname
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: may well have been a kind of cruel twist on
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: the meaning of his actual name ethel Read, which it
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: translates to noble council.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: Noble council, no council. Yes, a swiper, no swiping. Yeah,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: it's good wordplay both ways. We are going to pause.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: We're gonna go have some adventures here in our fine
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: metropolis of Atlanta, Georgia. Coffee Yeah, a coffee to coffee
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: time indeed ed. We'll be back later this week to
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: figure out why the US doesn't really mess with the
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: metric system. Yeah, if I'm not mistaken too. We also
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: have some fun little bits that.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: We're leaving out that we're gonna add to our upcoming
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: bits and Bob's kind of compilation episode with stuff that
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: we didn't get.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: To from various topics.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: We've got a pretty cool doc that Max has been
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: assembling of some of these little odds and ends, So I'm.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Really looking forward to doing that. Yeah, big, big thanks
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: to our super producer, mister Max Williams. Big thanks to
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: our research associate for this episode, Max Williams.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Indeed huge thanks to Christopher Hasiotis and he was Jeff
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: Coates both here in spirit the Rude Dudes over at
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Ridiculous Crime, and Alex Williams who composed this biggoty banging
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: bob a.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: J Bahamas Jacobs. Jonathan Strickland aka the Quist. Word on
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: the street is that he may return to the show again,
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: just like Napoleon coming back from Elba. I refuse to
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: believe it. Okay, I believe it's true. We'll see you
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: next dop books.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.