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Rabbi Moshe Haber Perashat Naso: Sotah, Nazir, and Growth 5.29.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:02
  And the Bashar begins talking about the continuation of the
• 0:06
  counting on the rest of Levy's family, Gershon Minari and their
• 0:13
  jobs in the can carry the Rashkar gives us the numbers and
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  then it talks about another few different laws and then it gets
• 0:21
  involved in the law of a sotah. What's a sotah?
• 0:25
  Sotah is a woman was suspected of the committee though 3 and
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  because of that, that woman is being brought out to drink those
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  waters. Now there's a couple of classic
• 0:37
  lessons in the process without one, which is how we treat her,
• 0:42
  and two, which is what what follows the law of Sadat #1 how
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  we treat her. And that is the woman was warned
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  not to be alone with that man again because she's being
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  suspected together with another man.
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  We don't know for a fact, but she was suspected and therefore
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  she's warned and she doesn't follow the warning.
• 1:00
  She didn't do anything for sure. There's no guarantee she doesn't
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  get wrong. We know for a fact she did not
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  heed the warning of avoiding that man.
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  She was definitely alone with him.
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  That's what we know. Now we need to do a little more
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  clarification as to find out did anything happen.
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  How do we clarify? We clarify because we bring her
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  in. It has to be the husband was
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  suspecting her. We bring her in to the back of
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  Mcdash and we give her a drink, drink of water.
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  That water is not any water. What happens is this water says
• 1:32
  the Pasuka Vaqueta Vita, a Lotta EDA Cohen.
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  That is the Cohen writes certain words.
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  He writes the name of Hashem, writes the name of Hashem.
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  I'm talking about regular name of Hashem.
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  I'm talking about the real deal, typing in the you cannot speak.
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  He writes the name of Hashem. He puts it into the water.
• 1:54
  How do you do that? They put it into the water on
• 1:57
  some sort of piece of paper or whatever, probably part time put
• 2:01
  into the water. What happens is and by Shem gets
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  erased in that water. Putting into the water gets
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  erased gives the water special powers.
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  She drinks that water. That water is special in many
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  ways. If if she had sin, we know what
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  happens to her. Her body explodes.
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  Clarification if she didn't sin, she's cleansed of all wrongdoing
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  because she survived. And then what happens?
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  We know that she becomes pregnant the next opportunity
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  based on this water. But the point here is here's the
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  point. The point and the key lesson in
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  this concept is that what we say, what makes the water
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  powerful? You're putting the name of
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  Hashem into that waters, says Rashi.
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  What lesson do you learn from the erasing of the name of God?
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  Does God? I want to clarify Shalom.
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  If she did something wrong, there's no reason for Shalom.
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  Let's get my game over. If she didn't do something
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  wrong, I want to bring them back together again.
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  This couple, there's suspicion, there's challenges, obviously
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  friction. I want to get rid of that.
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  I want to bring them back together.
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  How do I bring them back together?
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  Says God. I am willing to erase my name
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  and we understand. One of the gravest ever sins
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  there is, is you raising God's name.
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  Now God is commanding us to do so.
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  I understand, but one of the most severe acts in the world is
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  to erase Hashem's real name. And Hashem is saying you erase
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  my name for the sake of Shalom Benicio.
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  Well that tells us classic lesson.
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  We all know it that there is no level too far for a person to
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  have shallow and buy it. There's no level too far.
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  Her person, she admits she doesn't drink and she knows
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  what's going to happen. If she admits.
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  She admits it. What?
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  Happens. That's also a problem.
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  It's a good thing she avoids the drink.
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  She doesn't blow up. What do they do that?
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  But then I married. Then they're not going to remain
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  married. Was probably likely.
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  No, she's. How?
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  Do they do that Death? No, she's death anyway.
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  But doesn't need, doesn't need 2.
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  Witnesses. I don't think it.
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  Yeah. She's a.
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  Death or she's adulterous. But she confesses.
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  You ever you have witnesses. Act.
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  So would they do that? You can't.
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  You confess. Not confess.
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  Doesn't matter. What I do to her, actually.
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  It doesn't act. They're cool, but yeah, I'm
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  pretty confident they don't give her the water.
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  She doesn't blow up. I don't think she needs
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  witnesses. At the end of the day, they're
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  not going to be married. You know, would say to to.
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  To Are they going to kill her? I'm.
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  Afraid. I don't.
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  Think Modet makes the person Part 2 in this area.
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  Modet and maybe Anadam may meet a small person.
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  Anadam Masima is what I shot. But to your point, maybe a
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  person cannot make themselves into a Sinner.
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  I don't think that a lot of them may marry.
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  I do. I'm not sure if the betting
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  would kill her according to her words.
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  She just have me to I don't know the Bedean would actually act
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  upon her words. One of these for sure.
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  She doesn't drink the water. She doesn't was.
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  That a regular adulteress, no water, no anything not yeah.
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  Yeah. 2 witnesses. But she's saying the whole I
• 5:00
  didn't do it, I didn't, but she's saying I didn't do it.
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  I didn't do it though. Rest of the warning is this why
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  are we rewarding the husband the erroneously accusing his wife?
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  Why giving him a child? Yeah.
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  That's not called rewarding him. That's called rewarding her.
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  No, He. Embarrassed.
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  His life if she's innocent. Cory wearing her for the sake
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  he's bringing actually bringing her close to the husband.
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  It's not considering warning him.
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  I mean, I understand what you're saying so fine.
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  The lesson over here mainly is is that God is saying you raise
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  my name for the sake it shall know by and what I tell you is
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  all million and thousand billion.
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  Jokes aside, by every person tells the rabbi, Rabbi shall
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  know by it comes first. All those jokes in front of the
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  rice, on bite, all those things, all those jokes aside, there
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  really is pretty much a very strong car plunge for the sake
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  of Shalom. Bite.
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  The long bite is a very serious thing.
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  Why when a man or a woman depends who's the one who has to
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  give in, is willing to sacrifice for the sake of Shalom?
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  What they are saying to themselves is I want to bring
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  the shukana to the house. I want to bring happiness into
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  the home. We all know that it's a lot of
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  work. We all know it takes a lot of
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  sacrifice. We all know that really, if
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  everything will be equal, a lot of times we would say it's not
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  fair, it's not OK, it's not right, but it doesn't make a
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  difference. Shalom bite is a concept that
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  says, now again, I understand there's something called abuse.
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  I understand. Well for regular people, a lot
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  of times people think it's abuse.
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  It's not abuse. It's just a classic case of the
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  Shalom bite struggle and the person should be willing to say
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  it's worth it for me to sacrifice my ego sometimes my
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  opinions very often sacrifice the way I was brought up.
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  All those concepts that we, you know, what are the main Shalom
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  body struggles, A lot of them are.
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  I don't believe in this. I don't hold of this.
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  My parents told me otherwise. All those classic ideas will get
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  ready to erase all of those in order to build a healthy home.
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  You say what? I want to build a home that's
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  structured based on my background, based on what I
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  believe in. OK, I broke.
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  Keep all your beliefs and do not put them out there in the
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  forefront. You'll get them out there
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  eventually, but don't put them out in the forefront.
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  Instead, allow Shalom by it to be the driving factor.
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  I'm telling you something that although it sounds like it's
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  strong, it's something that's true.
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  It's something that's been proven by many, many great
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  rabbis and many great people, and that is Shalom.
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  Maya comes first before many of your life's beliefs.
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  That means if you have an upbringing, I'll give you an
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  example, you have an upbringing which is they have to be tougher
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  than the kids, and the wife doesn't hold it being tough on
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  the kids and you can't get it over to her.
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  If you get it over to her, great.
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  You can't get it over to her. She's not willing to change her
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  ways. Story of my.
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  Life right now, what do you do? Shalom Bayat says.
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  You figure out another way. Figure out another way means you
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  try. You ain't sure you want to be
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  tough. You don't be tough.
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  You figure out to get your method across through some sort
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  of tricky way. But the regular common tone in
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  your home is the one that's the one that fits each alone.
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  Which means if it means being very soft than the kids deal
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  with and do it. OK, I'm talking about my own
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  development. I'm telling you this same thing
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  is true with if you're a person who likes paying bills late, you
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  would think it's better for your finances.
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  You don't jump on every bill and pay it immediately, all right,
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  and your wife comes from a world that they pay before the bill
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  lending to the mailbox. OK, again, story of my life.
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  And now and now you need now you got to get used to the fact.
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  Why can't you change? You have to change.
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  Somebody's got. To change.
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  Yeah, whichever changing I I worked on it.
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  Working so work's in progress. I'm not saying I'm a National
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  Grid. So we.
• 9:00
  Never. We're in the basement.
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  Rabbi Joey, the first class he met, he gave when Chaba what was
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  Shalom bite. And a lot of women don't know
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  that the husband comes before they don't.
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  Know OK but you know what we. Get an organization to get that
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  message. I had that.
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  Problem. I had that problem.
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  All the time, even though the woman don't.
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  Know in laws took advantage of their.
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  Daughters, even though the woman don't know it.
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  Took advantage of them. You know I'm with you even
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  though the woman don't know it. You're right, some of them don't
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  know it. At the end of the day, not
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  really doable for a man to establish it.
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  What the point they? Go.
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  In they don't believe it. You're right.
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  Here's the concept is we always thought that we can establish
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  certain norms. You no one establishes norms.
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  You know what the truth is? Truth is from the wide point of
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  view. Also, there's a lot of norms
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  they have to accept too. We think we're coming in with
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  the world that's perfect. We need to just deal with the
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  fact that they don't accept everything.
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  It's not the case. Our world is equally as good as
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  theirs in many ways in our world and maybe maybe more fluid.
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  OK, I give you again, this is just this is letting you all out
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  there, OK? It doesn't matter what happens.
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  Spotify be what it is. Here's the point.
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  I was on the trip to Israel, right?
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  So the last day we took the Alva selves and I was just going to
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  rabbis and I like to go to certain rabbis and I could
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  discuss certain things and a lot of them to get into the ones I
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  like to talk to. You got to go to the sheep, but
• 10:33
  you can't go to the house. You got to go to the sheep.
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  I had to go to yeshiva. And not just that, you have to
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  come in like you're like a yeshiva guy.
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  You can't come in like you're a tourist.
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  Tourist, goodbye. I got a lot of pictures and
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  meetings. I want to like, sorry, the rabbi
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  says Shay rabbi is fine. So now if I'm going to come in
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  like a yeshiva guy now as a tourist, remember I'm traveling
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  with my wife. That means my wife isn't going
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  to be sitting on the park bench while I'm going into the rabbis.
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  And it turned out the most of what was it, Wednesday, the last
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  day I was there, she sat on the park bench, she sat outside
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  while I went in. OK, that was the way it is.
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  And I had great meetings and great conversations.
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  It was great. Fine, the day is ending now.
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  Now I'm getting on the plane. Now it turns out my seats, the
• 11:18
  way it was set up, they were set up for every reason.
• 11:22
  We booked very late. They weren't sitting together
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  really. One, exactly 1 was sitting by
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  the window and one was sitting by the middle and two different
• 11:30
  aisles, one in front of the other.
• 11:32
  So my wife made a little bit of a process in the airport to
• 11:36
  request a change. OK, great.
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  For whatever reason, LL was very confused and they were like late
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  on everything and they were very gazzy.
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  And we got onto the plane, they made a change.
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  Beautiful. They made a change.
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  They accommodate us. No, they made a change.
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  They ended up we're both sitting in middle seats.
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  So now we lost the ability. We lost the ability to change
• 12:00
  tonight. Originally you had some bait.
• 12:03
  If you have a window, you can change it with another 1-2
• 12:06
  middles is literally like giving you two eggs.
• 12:10
  You cannot get anything done with this done.
• 12:13
  But turns out, so no movement is going to happen.
• 12:16
  Now, we're not saying that it's not going to happen.
• 12:18
  It turns out one seat is one of those bulkhead seats.
• 12:23
  All right, awesome. 4 feet of fresh space and the other seat
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  is extra like room but it's not bulking.
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  One in front of the other sitting right in front of the
• 12:33
  other. Turns out my seat because my
• 12:37
  wife's seat was basically in front of the middle of the back.
• 12:42
  The second seat row would be middle of two men right?
• 12:47
  Sorry. 2nd row would be if there's a woman on one side so
• 12:49
  she doesn't sit there. Whereas mine was smack in the
• 12:52
  middle of two men, 2 religious men and wouldn't have worked for
• 12:55
  her to sit there. They wouldn't have liked it.
• 12:57
  She would have liked good. So it ends up being I got the
• 13:00
  seat with extra bulkhead, extra leg room, 4 feet.
• 13:05
  I turned off and said OK with this.
• 13:08
  She's going to say she says just add it to the list.
• 13:14
  So my point is, is that we think, I think, we think Wood
• 13:19
  said the king, right? Are we pretty curious?
• 13:24
  Get off the plane. Get off the plane now, right?
• 13:30
  I'm living now. I slept to 10 of them.
• 13:33
  I had a beautiful seat. It's a 7,000,000 for 8 hours.
• 13:37
  But the point is that we think that Wood said the king.
• 13:40
  We just sacrifice for the wife and we have a lot of values and
• 13:43
  we have to come around. The truth of the matter is both
• 13:47
  of us, well, the husband and the wife, have worlds that we have
• 13:50
  based on our minds. And then we have a reality.
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  And it's really, it's really weak me dot.
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  It's weak me dot to be unwilling to change.
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  And it's good, me dot, to be willing to change.
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  I know you have. And you figure out over time,
• 14:05
  you figure out over time what works.
• 14:08
  But if you don't do what works, then hey, it's not going to
• 14:10
  work. And you can stand down in your
• 14:11
  soapbox and say I have my parents and my upbringing and my
• 14:14
  beliefs and the way I live. Try that, you know, sell it to
• 14:17
  Marines. It's not going to work.
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  It's not going to work. Sham is telling you if you think
• 14:21
  that you're going too far, I am willing to erase my name.
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  That's not enough for you. That should be enough for you.
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  That's what Sham is telling us, right?
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  That's one point. The second point with the SOTAR
• 14:33
  is to follow through on this. The second point with the SOTAR
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  is after the SOTAR story and a woman who was suspected to
• 14:38
  inappropriate and sometimes she actually blows up for doing that
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  thing. The next basuk tells us about
• 14:45
  the Nazir. What's a Nazir?
• 14:49
  Someone who committed and accepted upon themselves extreme
• 14:52
  laws. No drinking wine for 30 days
• 14:55
  possibly don't be coming time. I met no cutting his hair.
• 14:58
  Extreme laws. Why is the Kumar at this Suta?
• 15:01
  Says Rashi Haro E Suta Abikula Yazeer at the moment.
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  Anyone who witnesses Suta exactly in the inappropriate,
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  inappropriate state, you should accept upon yourself to be more
• 15:17
  careful to avoid alcohol and others to avoid wine because it
• 15:22
  might lead to sin. So what happened?
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  I saw a woman who was suspected of inappropriate activity.
• 15:28
  Because of that, I should be more careful of myself and what
• 15:33
  I drink. What's the idea?
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  The theme is when you are around people who do things
• 15:39
  inappropriate, no matter who you are, no matter what the
• 15:43
  situation is, no matter of those people, their lives are falling
• 15:47
  apart and they're blowing up. At the end of the day, those
• 15:51
  people have an impact. They have an effect, and we and
• 15:54
  we feel it. And the impact is that activity
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  is part of this world. And I don't want to know that
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  that activity is part of this world.
• 16:03
  And therefore the only way I can get out of that system is
• 16:05
  realize I have to be more careful of myself right now to
• 16:09
  avoid even getting close to the activity.
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  So the basuk is saying how to next thing you do when you
• 16:15
  witness something doing interprobable is you double
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  down. Do not allow the world to thaw.
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  Don't allow the world to become more lighter in different areas
• 16:25
  just because people around you are doing things that are
• 16:28
  sinful. Don't think you can let it go
• 16:30
  unnoticed and instead you realize that you're absorbing
• 16:33
  those sins. You may not be doing them.
• 16:35
  You're absorbing the impact of those sins, and the only way to
• 16:38
  avoid them is tell yourself, I need to be more careful.
• 16:42
  That's how it works. So now you know, people always
• 16:45
  talk about the fact. So why doesn't Isaiah have to
• 16:46
  bring the sin offering? OK, that's because at the same
• 16:49
  time, good point. The Nazir would have to bring a
• 16:51
  sin offering if you supposedly positive was doing.
• 16:54
  Right, good point. That's because at the same time
• 16:56
  the Nazirs would bring a sin offering.
• 16:58
  He was asking why he brings he did hold himself back from wine.
• 17:03
  That means he's not allowing himself to enjoy this world.
• 17:06
  And he's dancing a very delicate balance, which is at the same
• 17:09
  time, although you're being extra careful, which is a good
• 17:11
  thing, you're also withholding yourself, which is a somewhat of
• 17:14
  a negative. And therefore we tell him, yes,
• 17:17
  you did a great thing, but bring a sin offering.
• 17:20
  That's a funny balance that this man has to play.
• 17:23
  But the overall theme of the Nazir is, you know, people talk
• 17:27
  about the community, he's growing, stuff like that.
• 17:30
  In fact, one of my big questions to these rabbis, to many of
• 17:33
  them, was, am I allowed to have a little bit more of a growing
• 17:37
  approach to the Quilata people if they're growing?
• 17:41
  In other words, does the tone of the shul need to stay the same
• 17:46
  for 30-40 years, whatever, or does it eventually change?
• 17:49
  Right. The people are growing.
• 17:51
  Do you grow along with them? That's a good, it's a classic
• 17:53
  question. It's an easy, easy answer.
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  Is it depend if it's good or under its head the growing?
• 17:58
  Obviously growing, Talking about good.
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  Nothing growing. Growing doesn't exist as bad.
• 18:02
  That's called rowdy. That's a different word, right?
• 18:05
  I mean like dig out the basement.
• 18:06
  You mean growing? That's the building drawing I'm
• 18:09
  thinking about. Do you because you're tall and
• 18:12
  changing more? Liberal.
• 18:13
  You become more liberal. I'll give you example.
• 18:15
  Do you know, just give you example of coming to money.
• 18:17
  The summer is coming on the summer, which is a beautiful
• 18:20
  time. It's also a time that people are
• 18:22
  prone to do things that they wouldn't normally do during the
• 18:25
  winter. And it makes me stay up at
• 18:26
  night, honestly keeps me up at night.
• 18:29
  The the fact that people take a little bit of a dip and somewhat
• 18:33
  and Sir and Haleh or some. So should a rabbi and nothing's
• 18:37
  going to make a difference. But should a rabbi take a tone
• 18:41
  that says, you know, mention to the pical and you know, you're
• 18:45
  on a better level than that. And point is, should a rabbi
• 18:49
  take a tone, it's a little bit more growth oriented, or should
• 18:53
  you just remain the same power of sweet, cuddly way?
• 18:58
  It's a very fair question. It's an easy question with a
• 19:00
  relatively easy answer. My point is the reason that the
• 19:02
  community is has that growth and needs that growth is partially
• 19:06
  because of the fact that look at the world and look at the chaos
• 19:08
  and look at the craziness. And I don't care where you are,
• 19:11
  sadly, I went to Israel. You know, I'm it's the one that
• 19:14
  wasn't that part. It's not safe.
• 19:15
  But sadly Israel's got a lot of guess a lot of like is crazier
• 19:19
  stuff than here in certain ways, right.
• 19:21
  All they say over there is you know, the community is
• 19:23
  unbelievable. Look at your community.
• 19:25
  Look how it's growing. I sat down with the rabbi
• 19:27
  yesterday, 2 days ago as rabbi is rabbi is salivated.
• 19:32
  One of them. He's not the main one, but he's
• 19:33
  one of them. He's coming into America a
• 19:36
  Sunday night Lakewood she was having this massive get together
• 19:39
  in Philadelphia and the only Philadelphia they have maybe
• 19:43
  30,000 people easy either using them basketball stadium more
• 19:47
  football stands ain't crazy OK, a massive thing and he's the
• 19:50
  he's the keynote person that's coming from Israel.
• 19:53
  It's rather I sat down with him. He was talking to my driver and
• 19:58
  all he would say is do you see what this khalabi community is
• 20:00
  becoming? Do you see what they're
• 20:02
  becoming? Look what's happening.
• 20:03
  Look how it grows. He could not, he can, he really
• 20:05
  could not handle the fact he was so overwhelmed as the rabbi
• 20:09
  lives in. Kula, OK, all his neighbors are
• 20:13
  the most religious, long term certain type, most observant
• 20:18
  thing and his impression in the world is I cannot believe what
• 20:21
  the Syrian community is becoming in Brooklyn, NY OK.
• 20:24
  So we are doing great things and the growth is necessary.
• 20:28
  Possibly because the world around us is chaotic.
• 20:32
  And that is the idea of how to esoteric cocola.
• 20:35
  Which means when you see the world go mad, don't think you
• 20:39
  can remain the same and you can use your father and
• 20:42
  grandfather's way. Exactly.
• 20:43
  We all know this. We all change because of this.
• 20:45
  Instead we adapt new ideas that address the new changes.
• 20:50
  Stop with these points.