Latest / DA CREW Podcast / HALF WAY MARK_ SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST _ EPISODE _99_ HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS

Transcript

HALF WAY MARK_ SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST _ EPISODE _99_ HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

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Hey, hey, and welcome to another episode of the Group I cast.
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I am your reasionary Queen Angela. And if you are a diva that's looking
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And if you are a black business owner and looking for an opportun did to
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most meaningful and impactful ways. We look forward to putting you on the path
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to writing your book. Good evening and welcome to Believe in the Journey podcast
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where I am your host Trevita Harris. My guest tonight is Miss Michelle Steiner,
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and she's gonna be talking to us about her invisible condition disability that is
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called y'all, I am really gonna mess this up. I know it's called
2:44
this coolia. It is a learning disability. But she's gonna help us with
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this pronunciation of this. But before we do any of that, and before
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I bring her up, you know, we have to go to God in
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prayer. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us together tonight, as
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you do each and every time we are in front of you. Please let
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the words of my mouth be comforting to the ears that are listening tonight,
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and let those who are tuned in tonight learn something that they did not know
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before about people who are dealing with different disabilities that may be seen and unseen,
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and to understand that you created us all differently, so that we learn
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and we are able to exist together in your precious and holy name, Jesus,
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I pray amen. And now I'm going to bring up my guests,
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Miss Michelle Steiner, and she's going to help us pronounce this condition. Yes,
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so it's discalculia or discalcula. Yes, one of those. Yeah,
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I tried to do it with the phonic sound and it kept telling me I
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was missing a letter or the case I was. You know what, I'm
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just gonna let it be because that's one that I can't say. And as
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I was telling you earlier, the condition that I have is called Kiri malformation,
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and people mispronounce that often as well, so I definitely understand. But
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please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit more about you, and then
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I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Sure sounds great. Well.
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My name is Michelle Steiner. I live in Pennsylvania with my husband Ron
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and our two cats, Jack and Sparrow. I work in the school as
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a parent educator with students who have disabilities and some who don't, and I
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also have a blog. I'm also a writer, speaker, photographer, and
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I have a blog called Michelle's Mission where I write about life with having a
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learning disability. I use a lot of nature metaphors to describe life with having
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one, and I also feature my photography because I'm not able to so I'm
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able to take some photographs on my walks and I put them on my store.
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And as I said, I do have a learning disability. I have
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dyscalculia, which is the math one. I also have limited hand dexterity in
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both of my hands and visual perception, but that's in my brain on in
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my eyes. Okay, well that is a lot. But I got a
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question. How did you get diagnosed when you were younger or as you got
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older. I was diagnosed whenever I was very young. Whenever I was in
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kindergarten. My teacher saw that I was really struggling in the classroom. I
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was struggling academically, especially with math, but things such as counting, tying
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my shoes, and adopted dot pages were also really hard. And socially it
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was really difficult for me as well. I was an only child, so
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I often played by myself, and I quickly after I was diagnosed, I
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was the bullying really started with that. Okay. Was it a hard diagnosis
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for your parents when they first figured out what was going on with you?
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And how young were you when they found out? It's five or six.
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When my parents found out, I think it was difficult for them in the
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very very beginning because I was my parents' first child, so they really didn't
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have a lot to based on child development on and I can just remember that
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was hard and my dad was really good at math, and they said,
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well, the one thing they did know at that time was that I wasn't
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going to be a math genies. They learning just was more of an umbrelative.
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But during that time it was just I was give me a math genius
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and he goes, well, what do you mean one plus one's always going
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to be too. And so in the beginning it was hard for them,
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but after they started working with the school and they got some of that education,
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it became a lot easier. And my mom and dad never gave up
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on me and not made all the difference. I definitely will say having good
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parents beside you, who encourage you to still be a child number one and
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to understand that, yeah, you may learn a little differently, but you're
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not incapable of learning. That is a major part. Because I know sometimes
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with kids, especially for me, for math, math is not my favorite
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subject. I still struggle with math. Word problems has always been a struggle
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for me. But my kids are excellent with math, but they get that
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from their father. For me, math is not my thing, but it's
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crazy for me, Math and science go hand in hand, and I was
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really good at science when it came to formulas, but it didn't make sense
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to me that I was able to do the science part with the formulas but
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not the regular math problems. It was absolutely crazy and like frustrated my teachers
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a lot with that as well. So I feel like maybe that was part
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of something that I probably had an issue with, but who knows. I
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can't say that I'm too old to be diagnosed with it now, because it
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probably should be tested. Yeah, do you recommend that somebody my age be
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tested for that? Sure, because they can definitely tell if somebody does have
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a disability that that can always be something and to be tested for. I
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know, to get services in college and as an adult when I wanted to
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try grad school, I had to be tested for having a learning disability all
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over again, and that was always one of those things that kind of frustrated
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me because I thought, well, my results really aren't going to change the
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only thing they did find out is I had limited hand dexterity. But if
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you wanted to get tested, a good agency to contact is Office for Vocational
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Rehabilitation. There it's a federal program. There's one in every you know,
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there's definitely one nearby in the United States, and you can call them and
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tell them about some of the issues that you have and they can all the
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testing is for free, and if you do end up having one, they
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can give you funding for college or job placement or just sometimes some information and
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some resources as well. Okay, well, the next question that I have
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is did you as you got older, did you ever feel like people were
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treating you differently because of your disability? Yes? I did. I can't
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remember. All throughout my years of school, I had specialty instruction eventually,
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and I had accommodations. I had to have extra test time. I had
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to have the test, but it allowed to me. But I was doing
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really well. I was in all regular classes except for math and a resource
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room. But whenever it was time to think about, well, what do
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I want to do with my life after outside of school, that's when we
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had some issues. I knew that I wanted to go to college. I
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was fearful. I had a learning support teacher who told me, I don't
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think that you can go to college because of your math disability, and she
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recommended a trade school for me, and I just nothing very interested me,
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so I decided I was going to go forward. Got involved with Office for
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a Vocational Rehabilitation and once I got involved with them, they were yeah,
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I had to get tested for having a learning disability all over again. And
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I've always been a bad test taker, and I scored really low on my
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test, and the psychiatrist who evaluated me said, well, you're most likely
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not going to go beyond community college. When I got to community college,
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I had an advisor that told me I was going to have a hard time
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finding a job and my choices would be really limited. And I had a
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stigma about using a disability accommodations. A lot of my peers thought that they
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were cheating or they were giving me an unfair advantage. So I didn't use
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them, and that was a really big mistake because my grades dropped. And
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I can just remember I had a professor and said, well, why don't
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we at least give you extra time when taking a test? And when I
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did that, I could pass her class. I did not do well at
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all, but I got my bachelor's I mean my associate's degree, and I
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was able to move out on my own, and I struggled with life.
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I mean, I loved having my independence because I couldn't drive, and I
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can just remember just being in some relationships with people. I can remember my
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ex breaking up with me saying, I think you could drive if you really
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wanted to, and he was tired of taking me places. So I struggled
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with that and I wondered, well, when am I going to meet somebody
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that is going to love me with a disability. And then I had financial
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problems where I moved back in with my mom and dad. I I always
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want a more for myself, but it was during that time I had that
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opportunity to. I decided that I'm going to go back to university, and
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I found a program that had the least amount of mouth and science possible and
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had a program that I loved with disability accommodations, and with that, I
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just made sure that I used them. And there was always that stigma.
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There was always that oh, you're not trying hard enough. But I had
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to learn to just quiet that voice and to use that. After I graduated
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with my bachelor's degree that I was told I would never get, it took
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me a while to find the right kind of job. I can't remember just
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I went for jobs and said they were disability friendly and they weren't. And
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sometimes, yeah, it's just really a matter of trying and finding out what
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works and being able to advocate for yourself. That is very, very true,
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because I know for me with my I can't always tell people what I
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deal with because when I have aurops and things, it's gonna take me down
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for quite some time, and I never know what's gonna happen from day to
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day. My biggest fear for myself is falling, is going to sleep at
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night because I've woken up the next day in a different state where my speech
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is compromised and you know, my body's compromised and things of that nature.
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But I am so glad that you did not let what other people said was
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your limitation stop you, because I feel like sometimes we let those seeds of
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doubt plant and they start to take root and we don't continue on to be
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better than what they've said. Because I had a doctor who told me after
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having a stroke that I should just get used to not being able to use
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the left side of my body and to just get used to not being able
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to talk and all of that, and that was frustrating to me, and
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I was like, you know what, I don't have to get used to
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that, and I don't have to get used to you. And so I
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commend you on understanding your ground and moving forward and not letting other people tell
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you what you were limited in. It's just a matter of how your brain
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comprehends what it is that you need, and you've been able to move beyond
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that and now you help other people. How has that journey been. It
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has been so rewarding to be able to help other people out. I love
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that I get to be that chance to be that voice that encourages other students.
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Sometimes whenever I work for six grader, I work for sixth grade this
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year, and I can remember here sometimes like here we are recording myself at
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that age. I hate my learning disability. It makes me stupid, And
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I get to be that voice that says, well, no, having learning
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this, it doesn't mean you're stupid, it means your brain's wired differently.
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And I get to help them out with reading a test to them, encouraging
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them and showing them how to advocate. And that is just so rewarding because
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somebody did that for me, and that made all the difference in my life,
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and now I get that chance. And also with my writing, that
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has given me a voice, because without that I sometimes I was really hesitant
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to share my story for fear of rejection. Book Now I have a voice
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where I can not only help myself, but I can help other people out
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as well. And one of my favorite things is whenever I have somebody that
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will comment on a story or a blog entry and they'll say, that's my
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story or that's something I struggle with too, and I don't feel so alone
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anymore. And if I can just help out one person, then that made
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all the difference. And I agree with that too. All it takes is
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just that one person to be able to resonate with something that you've been through
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and to see how they like when you share your trials and you're overcome,
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you're the way that you've overcome what you've been through. That's a blessing.
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And being able to see young kids grow from what you've been able to grow
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from because they're young and they don't know that they still have their whole lives
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ahead of them. And being able to see someone who has overcome the limitations
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that they feel themselves. That they're not good enough. But to have someone
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that's pouring into them and telling them that they are good enough and there's absolutely
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nothing wrong with them is very, very valuable. And I commend you for
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doing that and having the patience and the heart to do that, because that's
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not always easy either, because we do want to stay so sheltered because we
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don't want to be rejected by others. Because when I got sick and the
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I started having tremors and I was in I didn't want to go out and
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my voice trembled and things of that nature, and I didn't want to be
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around people because I thought people were going to laugh at me, they were
17:07
going to make fun of me because I could not, you know, form
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a sentence without you know, having all of these different body parts moving in
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places that they shouldn't have been moving, people thinking that I'm cold when I'm
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not cold. It's just the fact that my body's doing whatever it wants to
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do at this time. I was embarrassed by that, and so I stayed
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in my house. I didn't go places unless I absolutely had to, and
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I stayed in like a certain area to where I didn't get a lot of
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attention but after a while it was like, Okay, God placed me in
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this situation, in this position, and I need to get out of my
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head and get out of my way and be able to do what I need
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to do. And once I understood that part of it, it made it
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a whole lot better for me. And being able to share what you've been
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through with other people is always a blessing. But I do know that we
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do sometimes get in our heads and we doubt ourselves because we don't want that
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judgment from other people. But when they don't know what you're going through,
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they really are judging based on lack of knowledge, and when they do have
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the knowledge, they don't judge us as much as they once did without that
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exactly because I have a lot of people that will say to me if I
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tell them I have a learning disability, they said, well, you don't
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look like you're disabled, and I have to explain, well, sometimes we
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can see disabilities, sometimes we can't. And I also people that know who
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I am or have known me for years sometimes we'll say, well, you've
18:47
overcome your disability and you must not have one anymore. And I have to
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tell them, well, I've been able to have success. But that's because
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I found a way to be able to work with that. And as long
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as I have those ways, then that works for me. But yeah,
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a lot of times people don't understand because they can't see it, or they
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may not have ever heard of it, or they just don't have an understanding
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of it. Yeah, I think people feel like a disabled person has to
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look a certain way, they have to sound a certain way, but disabilities
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aren't always visible. One thing that I say sometimes, and I know it's
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probably not the nicest thing to say, and that is stupidity doesn't have a
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certain look either, but we all know that it exists. You know,
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it's not the nice thing to say, but it is the truth. You
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know, stupidity have a certain look, but we do know that it exists,
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you know, so we have to be mindful of that. Yeah,
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it's just one of those things. And it's like, you try not to
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be mean, you try not to call people stupid, but sometimes it's like
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my father in law told me something years ago when I was seventeen years old.
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He's passed on now, but it was one of those things that he
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said that I did not understand, and it was stupidity is forever. We
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all have dumb moments, and I was like, what do you mean?
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And it didn't make sense to me then because I was like, dumb and
20:30
stupid is pretty much the same thing. And he was like, no,
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stupid, you can't fix. You can't fix stupid. Everybody has a dumb
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moment because they're willing to learn so that they don't look dumb forever. But
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stupid is forever and you can't fix it. And as I've gotten older,
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it makes a little bit more sense because I work in healthcare and that's the
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challenge in itself, and every day there is a I question a lot of
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people on how they get dressed in the morning because the questions and the things
21:10
that they ask, like I have, is it never fails. Every morning
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there is going to be at least two people out of my entire twelve hour
21:18
shift that is going to ask or come in and say that they've been in
21:22
the location before, no name, no anything, that they've been here before.
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And it makes me question, do they go into restaurants and say,
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yeah, I've been here before with nothing else. They don't say that they
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want to, you know, be seated that they're here, you know,
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it makes me wonder, but it happens at least twice a day out of
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my entire twelve hour shift. Wow. Yeah, you would think you would
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know where you're if you've been there before or not, and you certainly can
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tell, and they don't give you a name or anything, and they just
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say, Yep, i've been here before. Okay, well what's your name?
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I haven't seen you before. Someone else may have been here on the
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day that you were here. I have, you know, now, with
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some of my patients, and I remember when they come. But you know,
22:18
working in urgent care, you're going to see a lot of different things
22:22
on different days and different people. But I'm like, I have no idea
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that you've been here before. I don't even know your name, you know,
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but it would be helpful if you give me a little bit more information
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then you've been here before. That helps me. The next question that I
22:44
have to ask you. You know, you said you haven't been able to
22:48
drive. Do you think that has been a hindrance for you or not,
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because you know, driving isn't all is cracked up to be. I would
22:55
love to be a passenger princess in my car, but I haven't been so
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lucky. So how has it played effect in your life not being able to
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drive. Really, it hasn't had that much of a negative effect. It's
23:10
had some things where I've had to sometimes just do some extra planning. I
23:15
live in a central location. I know that living out in the country is
23:21
not an option for me. I did that when I lived with my parents,
23:23
and they were great about giving me rides. But I like to have
23:27
that independence where I'm able to take the bus or I'm able to take a
23:30
walk. I also have a great support system my husband. He takes me
23:36
to work in the morning, and I have a wonderful coworker who takes me
23:38
home. And I also live close by, so if for some reason I
23:42
can't get a ride, or somebody's off that day, or it's just not
23:47
a possibility, I'm able to take myself. And that's always been really key
23:51
for me. I like having that independence to be able to do that.
23:56
And whenever I had a lot of my friends whenever I was growing up,
24:00
they were a little few years older than I was and they took me places,
24:03
so it really was never an issue socially. I've had to sometimes have
24:10
had some jobs where I couldn't go to because I just didn't have the transportation.
24:15
But those weren't the right places for me. And it also has given
24:19
me a really hidden treasure. I'm able to notice details that other people miss
24:26
whenever I'm in the vehicle. I will be in the car and I ask
24:30
my husband, did you see that, And he's like, no, focused
24:32
on the road. He is getting a little bit better about that. He
24:36
listens to these and I get the chance to go back and take a picture
24:40
of a flower or a butterfly or something else that I wouldn't have that opportunity
24:45
to do if I was driving a car. So I get to stop and
24:51
literally smell the roses. So it has really had a positive impact on my
24:56
life. And I get to put my pictures on my store, and I
25:02
just get that opportunity that I would miss otherwise. Yeah, you're definitely getting
25:07
the best of that because being able to stay focused on the road and drive.
25:12
Like I'm a big scenery type person, so I love to look at
25:18
the clouds and look at, you know, the flowers and the trees,
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and so I have to tell myself focus on driving because I will stare at
25:26
the clouds and I'm like, especially if we're at a stoplight or something.
25:30
That's when I get my time, and I'm usually have my phone to where
25:33
I'll take pictures of the skyline if we're at a stoplight or something like that,
25:37
and I'm like, you have got to stop doing that because that is
25:40
not safe. It's not cool because you're doing that. But I love nature,
25:44
I love the scenery. So I definitely envy you for that because you're
25:48
on the passenger side and you're getting to get all of these wonderful photos and
25:53
pictures of life itself, you know. So that's a plus that it hasn't
26:00
had a negative outlook on you, because I will say driving is not all
26:04
it's cracked up to be. It's great to get you where you need to
26:08
go, but it's definitely not all it's cracked up to be. I would
26:12
love to definitely be on the passenger side more so than on the driver's side.
26:18
I was in the car with my daughter and my son in law,
26:22
and I was actually in the backseat of my jeep and I had told them
26:26
with my grandbaby, and I was like, you know, I've had this
26:30
jeep now almost two years and I have never been in the backseat of it.
26:37
So I was so fascinated to be able to sit in the back seat,
26:40
and they were like, what are you doing? I was like,
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I haven't looked at this backseat, let alone been in the backseat to see
26:48
what it feels like back here and to be driven around. Oh my god,
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I am in heaven. I don't care about nothing else that's taking place
26:56
today. Y'all do what y'all need to do back here with my grandbaby,
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and I am enjoyed being in the backseat, So whatever y'all got to do,
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I don't care. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me,
27:08
so I'm just gonna enjoy it. But I feel like you have been
27:15
able to shed light where there may have been darkness for some people with thinking
27:22
that disabilities are limitations. You know, limitations are only set to our standards,
27:30
and if you allow someone else to tell you what you can't do,
27:33
you'll be stuck. And you didn't even let that let you stick in that
27:37
space, even as a young kid, and as an adult now you're still
27:44
setting bounce, setting well, I can't even say you're setting limits. You're
27:48
exceeding the limits that anybody places on you and for them to say, well,
27:52
I don't see your disability, you must have outgrown it and all of
27:56
those crazy things. It's like, you don't not grow a disability, you
28:02
have it and it's for life, you know. You just learn how to
28:04
adjust your life to what you've been given. And I feel like God never
28:10
places anything on us that he will not teach us how to endure. How
28:15
do you feel about that for yourself? I definitely feel that because I can
28:19
remember when I was young, I would pray and I would think, Okay,
28:22
if my disability went away, it'd be perfect. And I can remember
28:26
praying and saying, God, where is my purpose? Where is my good
28:29
plan for all that? And God is just telling me, just wait,
28:33
I'm going to use this and it's not just going to benefit you, but
28:37
it's going to benefit a lot of other people, and it's going to bring
28:38
worry to me. And that is just something that has really come out of
28:44
that. I can remember earlier this year, I was in a class trying
28:48
helping students and math came up despite me telling them I can't do it,
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and I can remember I just looked up into the heavens and I said,
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why am I here and somebody said, there's a student that's crying. And
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I turned around and one of my students was crying because he was so frustrated
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with the work. And I got the chance to get on eye level with
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him and say that I have a disability and I know how hard it is,
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but I want you to tell me when you need help. I can't
29:15
help you, but I'll find someone who can. And before I knew it,
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he was raising his hand and then he could do the work independently.
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And I just heard a little voice saying, see, that's why I had
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you there, not to teach a math, but you were there to comfort
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that person. And God has just taken so much of that pain and He's
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driven into a purpose with life. And it's so much more empowering when I
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focus on what I can do and what God has given me than when I
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focus on what I can't do and just wasn't really meant for me to be
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doing with my life. Yeah, I agree with that wholeheartedly. When we
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focus on what we are able to do versus what we can't do, the
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world opens up to us a whole lot more than just being stationary and putting
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in that space of limitation. So God will always provide the purpose for whatever
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it is that we're going through. It's up to us sometimes to sit in
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silence to understand what it is that he's trying to get us to see.
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Because He's equipped us with everything that we need to get through everything that he's
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put on our plates. Sometimes we're a little stubborn, we're a little hard
30:29
headed, and we don't want to listen to what he's trying to tell us
30:32
to do. But He's will never put us in a place that he won't
30:37
provide the reason why we're there. And I know people will say, well,
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you're not supposed to question God. Well, sometimes that question is necessary
30:45
so that he can provide the answer. So if you don't ask him a
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question as to what is this for, you're not going to get the answer.
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Now. It may not be the answer that we're seeking, but it
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is the answer that is necessary. Now. I have one other question,
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and then I'm going to let you go for the evening, and that is
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what would you give What advice would you give to those who feel as if
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their disability is keeping them in a I guess you could say a stagnant place
31:18
of not wanting to be judged or feel bad about themselves, and they don't
31:23
know how to get out of that space. What would you say? What
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advice would you give encouraged that person to reach out to other people and to
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share their story. I know that whenever I finally had that courage, I
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had a friend that told me you really should talk about your experience with writing
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or your experience of having learning disability to write about it, and I thought,
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oh, no, that's too personal. But when I finally got that
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courage, I found people that were running towards me rather than running away from
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me, and I would just encourage them to find I mean, there's different
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expressions. Some people might do that through music, other people might do that
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through painting, some people do it through speaking, and there's just finding those
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people that you can talk to and not to be ashamed about having it.
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And that's what I would encourage people to do, is just to be able
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to share their story. Okay, Well, if anybody has any questions or
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anything that they want to talk to you about, how can they find you,
32:27
how can they reach out to you? You can find me at my
32:30
blog missus Michelle's mission dot com and I'm also on Facebook and Instagram as well.
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All right, well, I thank you so much for being here tonight
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and talking about what you have accomplished and not your limitations at all, because
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that is a beautiful transition and story and testimony all in it. So I
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thank you for being here. The one thing that I always say before I
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end any show, and that is stay out of God's business. Do only
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thing that God needs you to do is be obedient to what He's called you
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to do. And until next time you, guys. I will see you
33:07
in two weeks and we will be doing a memorial show for my mom.
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It will be the one year passing, so we're gonna celebrate her. So
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I hope to see you there as well. But until next time you,
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guys, I love you, and thank you so much for tuning in until
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July the fourteenth. See good night, Sweezee sweeze No