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Transcript

Let's Try LOVE · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Julie Wynn, and this is the podcast where we get real about the messy, the miraculous, and the magic of becoming.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am always sharing exactly the journey for me because I know collectively when we share our stories, it helps us to know that we are not alone.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And this is all part of the beautiful and sometimes, oftentimes actually messy, part of being human.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is called Let's Try Love.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what was whispered into my ear as I went down for the count, participating in a really deep spiritual, energetic ceremony that I participated in.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: After I set my intentions, you know, my intentions are to live in joy, to be free, to love my family.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: As I prepared to lay down on the mat, I just heard, we're gonna show you all of the places that love has always been.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: You were just unable to see it.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: You have tried everything else, which is so true.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have tried every healer, intuitive, going to channel workshops.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it became a channel myself.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: All the ceremonies that I could get my hands on, all the self-help books, radical love, radical forgiveness, radical acceptance.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have tried literally everything.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was laying down on my mat, getting ready to journey, surrendering to the guides, that's what I heard.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried everything else.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try love.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And as I exhaled a full surrendering breath, I felt something that I have been seeking for forever, which is a deep softening to my bones.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: For years, my inner world had been hardwired for survival.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: My nervous system knew fight, flight, freeze, but not ease.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I can see how I have always used spirituality as a lifeline, knowing that one day it's going to offer me peace, understanding, clarity, answered prayers.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, I was constantly in fight, flight, freeze.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'd studied forgiveness, practiced surrender, did all of the fire rituals, begged for trust on my knees at night, praying, trying to also capital T trust.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: All of the positive affirmations, mantras, whispers of self-love.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: But what I realized is I was still gripping, still trying to fix what I thought was broken.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth was, I couldn't receive love.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not fully, not for me.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: The trauma patterns and stories and beliefs were so locked up into my blueprint of who I have become that I couldn't access love.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't access an ability to receive love fully.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: When I look back at old photos, the adventures, the global travels, the smiles, the laughter, I sometimes still ache because I remember what was really happening inside in that moment.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever done that?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Looked back at a really beautiful picture and simultaneously remember the struggle that you were kind of in in that moment.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Behind every smile was grief.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: A deep ache, a longing for something I didn't yet know was already here.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it was fair.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was grieving a broken family, grieving what never was, and I couldn't yet see how love had been there all along, working through every heartbreak, every teacher, every soul who offered me a moment of grace.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And what I am learning is that's the thing about love.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Love, it's patient.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: It never gives up on you.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's always there, quietly weaving threads of light through even the darkest seasons.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try love.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the medicine.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was closing my eyes, preparing into this journey, it was like, of course, you have been in this hamster wheel of pain and trauma.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, nothing worked.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because the only way through is through love.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the medicine.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start seeing through the lens of love, everything shifts.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say five years ago, fuck that.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am not fucking loving shit.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna fucking hate it.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And all of these things deserve radical justice, and it's so unfair.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my stubbornness.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: That was my still, this isn't right.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is kind of fucked up.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: They don't deserve my forgiveness.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: They don't deserve my love.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried everything else.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try love.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when you begin to look at life through the lens of love, you begin to notice the synchronicities, the helpers, the soul family that appears at exactly the right time.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: The soul family that appears at exactly the right time.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: The people who I have in my life right now, I could have never scripted ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ever.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: The alchemists of your life, the ones who walk with you for a season or a moment, each bringing a nugget of wisdom, a spark of remembrance.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: They are love in motion.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Love wearing different faces, love in drag.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And my prayer as I record this is may I always be a force for love.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: May I be for other people what I have been able to receive, which is that love in motion, whether it's for a season or just for a moment.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried everything else.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Try love.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that line now is my mantra because love isn't passive, it's the most active, transformative force in the universe.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: It asks you to stay open, to soften when every part of you wants to protect.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I understand that so deeply.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was so resistant to love because my anger, my hurt, my pain was so big.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try love and surrender to love.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's been nine years since my life cracked open.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nine.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The number of completion of sacred endings that make space for beginnings.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was on a seven-year spiritual sabbatical, and many podcasts have been recorded about my seven-year sabbatical.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And after seven years, we're up, and I'm still in this, like shit, I'm still on this sabbatical.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: When the fuck is my life gonna shift?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out it's been a nine-year pilgrimage.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Nine years of unraveling and most importantly, remembering.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Nine years of learning what healing really means.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've learned on this nine-year pilgrimage is as desperate, as desperate as I was to heal, I needed to go through all of it.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: The pain, the loss, the surrender, the longing, the miracles.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because if love had been the medicine too soon, I don't know if I would have trusted it.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had to live through the ache to recognize the authenticity of love when it finally arrived.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And another truth I've learned, especially around manifestation, is that you have to leave room for awe and wonder.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said earlier, the people who have played the biggest roles in my healing in my journey toward love, I could have never, ever, ever predicted it.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I could have never written them down on a manifestation sheet.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ever.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Ever.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So always leave room for the divine to enter, because the divine will surprise you in so many ways, in ways your mind could never plan.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, I am being reminded that not everyone is meant to stay forever.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: We are all just moving players in this grand, wild, beautiful game called life.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So find gratitude for every smiling face that's walked beside you, every teacher, every mirror, every soul who reflected a piece of your becoming.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were all love too.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's taken me nine years to truly understand that healing is possible and that miracles can happen in a moment.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried everything else.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have you tried love?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening today and you're in the thick of it, if your heart's feeling heavy, if you're questioning your worth, if you're wondering whether it's ever going to get better, let this be your reminder to try love.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because love will find a way.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It already has.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's waiting for you to notice.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for walking this human journey with me, the messy, the beautiful, and everything in between.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: May you remember today what's always been true.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are held, you are loved, you are love itself.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also, when the tides break once again on my life, as I know they will, and every wave that I experience hopefully is one more layer deeper into love.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: But feel free to send me my own podcast reminding me that love is the only medicine.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try love.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know that this is going to be a repeated lesson in my life, and this is not a one and done, nor is it ever.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So here, y'all can be my accountability when I am fucking angry and wanting to lash back out at others.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Human.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just send me this podcast.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remind me.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Remind me, remind me that love, love is all there is.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the only medicine.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Love is the only way through.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: The things that irritate you or bug you or trigger you, just try love.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Till next time.