Latest / Lately with Lexi / 26. The Truth About Coming Home After Living Abroad

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26. The Truth About Coming Home After Living Abroad · Lately with Lexi

0:00
After spending a few months living in France,
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my boyfriend and I were sitting in the
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SPEAKER_00: We were exhausted from traveling and honestly a little bit heartbroken.
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SPEAKER_00: We both knew it was time to leave France.
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SPEAKER_00: We also knew we wanted to get back there as soon as possible.
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SPEAKER_00: Walking into my parents' house that night felt like a deep exhale.
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SPEAKER_00: My family was so happy that we were back in the U.S.
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And I was so grateful to be with them because I'm really close
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with my parents.
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But the next morning,
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sipping coffee at the kitchen table,
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everything got amazing.
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SPEAKER_00: quiet.
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SPEAKER_00: I was replaying the last few months in my mind.
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SPEAKER_00: The slow mornings,
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SPEAKER_00: the long walks,
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the way France had cracked me open and shown me who I actually
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am when I'm not
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SPEAKER_00: hustling.
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SPEAKER_00: And this thought landed clearly.
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I cannot lose what France gave me and I can't wait until I get
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back to start living that way.
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SPEAKER_00: Maybe you haven't lived abroad,
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SPEAKER_00: but I'm guessing you've had a version of this,
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SPEAKER_00: a vacation,
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SPEAKER_00: retreat,
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even a conversation that showed you how you actually truly
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desire to live.
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And then we get home,
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we settle back in,
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and old patterns start to reemerge and creep back in.
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SPEAKER_00: The spark of clarity or inspiration we felt gone,
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SPEAKER_00: swallowed up by the everyday rush of life as if it never happened.
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SPEAKER_00: But what if it didn't have to be that way?
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What if coming home didn't have to mean living your life
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exactly as you had before?
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SPEAKER_00: Today,
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I'm sharing how I'm building a life I don't need a vacation
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from right now,
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SPEAKER_00: even though I'm not where I want to be.
1:53
Welcome to Lately with Lexi,
1:55
where I help wellness brands grow and spiritual seekers evolve.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: Every episode explores spiritual wisdom,
2:01
SPEAKER_00: business building,
2:02
SPEAKER_00: or personal reflections from my life.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Come hang out as I share what I'm creating,
2:06
SPEAKER_00: learning,
2:06
SPEAKER_00: and navigating as a yogi,
2:08
SPEAKER_00: business consultant,
2:09
SPEAKER_00: healer,
2:10
SPEAKER_00: and entrepreneur.
2:10
Make sure you subscribe on Substack so that you don't miss an
2:13
episode.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: And if you are in Sarasota,
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Florida,
2:16
SPEAKER_00: send me an email if you'd like to attend my next in-person workshop.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: It will be March 22nd for the Spring Equinox.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: Now let me take back to France for a moment.
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SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend and I
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SPEAKER_00: And I remember saying to him, balance is such a fallacy.
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SPEAKER_00: It's this unattainable thing that keeps us running,
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SPEAKER_00: feeling guilty when we slow down and stressed when we want to speed up.
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SPEAKER_00: What I needed wasn't more discipline or a better system.
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SPEAKER_00: I needed more room for pleasure, for joy, and for just being myself.
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SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what I'd been witnessing in French culture.
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SPEAKER_00: French women don't rush,
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and it's something I've always admired about the French that's
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difficult to name,
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SPEAKER_00: that je ne sais quoi attitude.
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SPEAKER_00: I had a mentor once tell me that queens don't rush,
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SPEAKER_00: and that's exactly what I saw living in France.
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SPEAKER_00: These women meandering through the city,
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SPEAKER_00: enjoying leisurely lunches on a random Tuesday,
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SPEAKER_00: always ordering dessert,
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SPEAKER_00: no guilt,
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SPEAKER_00: no apologizing for taking their time.
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SPEAKER_00: They weren't trying to balance anything.
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SPEAKER_00: They were just enjoying themselves.
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What I actually want,
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it's not balance,
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and I'm guessing it's the same for you.
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SPEAKER_00: It's harmony.
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SPEAKER_00: Balance is external.
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SPEAKER_00: You're constantly rearranging the pieces,
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SPEAKER_00: trying to make everything fit,
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SPEAKER_00: whereas harmony is more internal.
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It's a state that you cultivate regardless of what's happening
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around you.
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I didn't come home trying to rebuild my old life or rush to get
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back to France.
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SPEAKER_00: I came home to build a new way of being.
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SPEAKER_00: And that's what today's episode is really all about.
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What it actually looks like to embrace living differently when
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it comes to all
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SPEAKER_00: aspects of your life,
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SPEAKER_00: your career,
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SPEAKER_00: your daily rhythms,
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SPEAKER_00: and your relationships,
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SPEAKER_00: even when you aren't exactly where you want to be.
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Coming home from something expansive is a risk because the old
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version of your
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SPEAKER_00: life,
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SPEAKER_00: it's right there,
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SPEAKER_00: ready to swallow you whole.
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The same routines,
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the same environment,
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the same patterns that you thought you outgrew.
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And if you're not intentional,
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you'll slip right back into it without even noticing.
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SPEAKER_00: So when I came back to the US from France, I made a decision.
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SPEAKER_00: I wasn't just bringing memories home with me.
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SPEAKER_00: I was bringing France itself.
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SPEAKER_00: the habits,
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SPEAKER_00: the pace,
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SPEAKER_00: the values,
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SPEAKER_00: not the croissants or architecture,
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SPEAKER_00: unfortunately,
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SPEAKER_00: but the way I felt when I was there,
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SPEAKER_00: the slowness,
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SPEAKER_00: the presence,
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the permission to enjoy my life without shaming myself or
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feeling guilty for
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SPEAKER_00: slowing down or embracing more pleasure.
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And honestly,
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losing my biggest consulting client right before France is what
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made this
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SPEAKER_00: possible.
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SPEAKER_00: If you listened to last week's episode, you already know that story.
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SPEAKER_00: And at the time it felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath me.
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SPEAKER_00: When I lost that client, I was freaking out.
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SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what to do next,
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SPEAKER_00: but what it actually gave me was space,
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SPEAKER_00: space that I hadn't had in years,
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SPEAKER_00: space that I needed.
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And I use that space to get radically honest about myself,
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my career,
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and my future.
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SPEAKER_00: I looked at all of my skills, talents, and passions,
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SPEAKER_00: from consulting, teaching yoga, doing healing work, this podcast.
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SPEAKER_00: And I asked myself why I'd been trying to limit myself to just one,
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SPEAKER_00: or worse,
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SPEAKER_00: trying to balance them all equally,
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SPEAKER_00: which as we just talked about,
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SPEAKER_00: does not work.
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So I stopped trying to balance and started designing my life
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around harmony.
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SPEAKER_00: And I borrowed something else from France to do it.
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SPEAKER_00: The idea of seasonal living.
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SPEAKER_00: In France and much of Europe, you eat what is in season.
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SPEAKER_00: We don't do that so much here in the US.
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This approach is very similar in traditional Chinese medicine
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and Ayurvedic living.
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SPEAKER_00: Think strawberries in the summer, root vegetables in the winter.
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SPEAKER_00: You don't force things to grow when it's not their time.
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SPEAKER_00: And I started applying that same principle to my career.
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SPEAKER_00: In the fall,
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SPEAKER_00: the energy is all about the harvest,
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finding gratitude for what's already working and doubling down
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on those things in
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SPEAKER_00: your life.
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SPEAKER_00: For me,
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SPEAKER_00: that meant pouring my focus into this podcast,
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SPEAKER_00: and I've been able to sustain producing a new episode every week
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SPEAKER_00: since I created space for it because I was intentional.
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SPEAKER_00: Now, as we start to shift into spring, the energy changes.
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SPEAKER_00: It's about action, momentum, planting new seeds.
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So this spring,
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I'm focused on improving my French before my next trip to
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France in September.
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SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that the podcast falls to the wayside by any means.
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SPEAKER_00: It just means my priority is shifting to something new.
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Right now,
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my day-to-day looks like healthcare sales and consulting work
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during the week.
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teaching yoga and offering one-on-one energy healing sessions
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and intuitive
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SPEAKER_00: readings on the weekends and in the evenings.
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And most importantly,
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I carve out time for what personally fills me up and gives me
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energy.
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SPEAKER_00: Think morning sun, long walks, French lessons, and writing.
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SPEAKER_00: My life and schedule even is not balanced by any stretch of the means,
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SPEAKER_00: but it is intentionally designed and very,
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SPEAKER_00: very flexy.
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SPEAKER_00: Intentionally designing your life, that's actually the easy part.
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The challenge is not losing yourself when you're still in
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between where you are and
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SPEAKER_00: where you want to be.
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SPEAKER_00: And what's helped me the most might surprise you.
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SPEAKER_00: Gratitude.
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SPEAKER_00: I know it can sound like the most basic advice in the world.
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SPEAKER_00: Write in your journal, count your blessings, be grateful.
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SPEAKER_00: We've all heard it a thousand times.
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SPEAKER_00: But I'm not talking about gratitude as a concept.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about gratitude as a daily practice.
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One that actually changes the way your brain works and shifts
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the energy you're
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SPEAKER_00: putting out into the world.
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SPEAKER_00: And here's what I mean by energy.
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SPEAKER_00: Everything is energy.
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SPEAKER_00: You've probably also heard that.
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Our thoughts create energy and that energy vibrates at a
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specific frequency.
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SPEAKER_00: You can put out a frequency of fear,
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SPEAKER_00: doubt,
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SPEAKER_00: or worry,
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or you can choose one that's more aligned with how you actually
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desire to feel.
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SPEAKER_00: Think love, peace, inspiration, joy, creativity.
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The gap between where you are and where you want to be can feel
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really heavy at times.
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And if you're not careful,
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that heaviness can spiral into negative self-talk.
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SPEAKER_00: And that can impact not only your energy and mood,
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SPEAKER_00: but the frequency you admit out into the world.
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SPEAKER_00: Luckily for you,
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I am going to share three simple gratitude practices that you
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actually might not be
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familiar with that you can start today to quickly shift your
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energy and tap into
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SPEAKER_00: that state of gratitude.
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SPEAKER_00: So grab your notebook.
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SPEAKER_00: You're going to want to write these three things down.
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SPEAKER_00: The last one is my absolute favorite,
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SPEAKER_00: and it's certainly one I never see talked about,
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SPEAKER_00: hardly at all,
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SPEAKER_00: if ever,
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SPEAKER_00: and it's my favorite.
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SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the first gratitude practice is the bare minimum, okay?
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SPEAKER_00: And I mean that.
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SPEAKER_00: This is the floor.
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When you don't have energy for anything else in your life,
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do this one thing.
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SPEAKER_00: Before you fall asleep and right when you wake up,
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your subconscious mind is the most receptive to the inputs that
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you feed it.
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SPEAKER_00: So in bed right before sleep and then first thing when I open my eyes,
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I mentally recite at least three things that I'm grateful for
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and you want to do so
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SPEAKER_00: with
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SPEAKER_00: So what does that mean?
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SPEAKER_00: We want to focus on your heart space,
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SPEAKER_00: bringing your attention to the center of your chest,
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SPEAKER_00: that space where you first feel and just notice.
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SPEAKER_00: Can you feel your heartbeat?
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SPEAKER_00: Is it warm?
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SPEAKER_00: Does it feel soft or expansive?
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SPEAKER_00: You're not trying to force anything.
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You just want to notice and noticing helps to expand this
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energy of gratitude and
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SPEAKER_00: radiate it outward into your electromagnetic field.
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SPEAKER_00: field, your radiant body.
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SPEAKER_00: So even penetrating beyond time and space.
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SPEAKER_00: The key here is not to just name gratitudes like it's a list.
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SPEAKER_00: You want to connect to the feeling.
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SPEAKER_00: So get really specific.
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SPEAKER_00: And if you're having a hard time,
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think about recalling things that you're grateful for that make
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you feel your best.
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SPEAKER_00: It could be something as simple as
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as an accomplishment you had the day before or somebody in your
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life that you just
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SPEAKER_00: want to send gratitude towards.
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SPEAKER_00: Practicing this is such a game changer.
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And again,
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the key times are right before you fall asleep and then first
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thing in the morning.
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SPEAKER_00: This practice is incredibly grounding,
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especially if you're navigating a life transition when
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everything else feels like
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SPEAKER_00: too much and I can't meditate,
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SPEAKER_00: I can't do breath work,
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SPEAKER_00: My whole spiritual practice gets thrown out the window.
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SPEAKER_00: This is the one thing I come back to.
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SPEAKER_00: Okay,
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SPEAKER_00: now if you have the bandwidth to take this a step further,
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SPEAKER_00: I highly recommend journaling these things out,
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SPEAKER_00: the things that you appreciate,
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SPEAKER_00: that you have gratitude for.
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SPEAKER_00: There's something powerful that happens when we put pen to paper.
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It helps to rewire the neural pathways of the brain to
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cultivate greater coherence within
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SPEAKER_00: your brain, your heart, and this state of gratitude.
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SPEAKER_00: What we focus on grows and writing it down puts you in the driver's seat.
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You'll start to consciously choose what you want to grow
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instead of letting your
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SPEAKER_00: default patterns run the show.
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Okay,
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and the third practice is one that's been the most
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transformative for me ever.
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SPEAKER_00: personally,
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and it comes from one of my all-time favorite personal
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development books on this
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SPEAKER_00: concept of self-image,
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SPEAKER_00: psychocybernetics.
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SPEAKER_00: Maxwell Maltz calls this the theater of the mind,
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SPEAKER_00: and Carl Jung also explored something very similar.
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SPEAKER_00: So here's how it works.
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You write a journal entry in present tense from the perspective
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of your future vision.
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SPEAKER_00: Not what you hope will happen, but what is happening.
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SPEAKER_00: You write about what's going well,
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SPEAKER_00: how you feel,
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SPEAKER_00: how you act,
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SPEAKER_00: the type of person that you are,
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SPEAKER_00: and you give gratitude for your blessings already have received them.
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SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing.
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SPEAKER_00: You don't want this to be another practice on your to-do list.
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SPEAKER_00: You want to find pleasure in this journal exercise.
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So maybe that looks like lighting a candle and getting lost in
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this vision.
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SPEAKER_00: This practice of the theater of the mind is energizing and inspiring.
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SPEAKER_00: Personally,
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I have a hard time keeping up with writing everything that's
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coming through in my
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SPEAKER_00: mind.
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And that's really the excitement you want to tap into when
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you're doing this practice.
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SPEAKER_00: The theater of the mind sets the tone for your day,
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SPEAKER_00: so I highly recommend doing it first thing in the morning.
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SPEAKER_00: Personally, it reminds me to be her now, be my future self now.
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We want to think and act in accordance with our future self
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because that's the
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thing that helps to collapse the distance between where we are
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now and where we
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SPEAKER_00: want to be.
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I'm going to recommend that you try this theater of the mind
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out for seven days.
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SPEAKER_00: You can do anything for one week.
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Try this and just see what shifts,
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see how you feel,
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and let me know what you think.
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SPEAKER_00: Florence Scovel Shin said, if you have a vision, it can be yours.
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SPEAKER_00: And I really believe that.
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SPEAKER_00: Sometimes your vision just needs time to integrate into your life.
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SPEAKER_00: And the theater of the mind really helps you to do that.
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SPEAKER_00: All right.
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SPEAKER_00: So we've talked about how gratitude shifts your inner state.
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SPEAKER_00: It really does.
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SPEAKER_00: But if you want the shift to last, you have to go a layer deeper.
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You have to look at the beliefs and thoughts that are running
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on autopilot
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SPEAKER_00: underneath everything else.
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James Clear said in Atomic Habits,
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you don't rise to the level of your goals.
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SPEAKER_00: You fall to the level of your systems.
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SPEAKER_00: Now, personally, I would replace systems with
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SPEAKER_00: standards.
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SPEAKER_00: Because lasting change doesn't come from setting better goals.
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SPEAKER_00: It comes from the standards you choose to live by.
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And those standards depend on your internal dialogue,
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so your beliefs and your thoughts.
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That's why this process is so crucial when it comes to wanting
13:58
to achieve anything
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SPEAKER_00: big in your life.
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We have to look at the beliefs and the thoughts that are
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running the show.
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SPEAKER_00: So if you want to change your standards,
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SPEAKER_00: you have to start by addressing those things underneath.
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So here's one personally that haunted me for years,
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and I'm wondering if it's relatable for you.
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I've had this belief that says,
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if I'm not where I want to be yet,
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something's wrong.
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SPEAKER_00: This one followed me across every city I have ever lived in.
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So from Detroit to San Francisco,
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Nashville,
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Paris,
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Sarasota,
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you get the picture.
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SPEAKER_00: This belief has lingered in the background of my life,
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SPEAKER_00: and I would try to ignore it,
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SPEAKER_00: but it would always surface as frustration.
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SPEAKER_00: Something as silly as a loud chihuahua barking next door would turn into,
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SPEAKER_00: see,
14:43
SPEAKER_00: this is exactly why I don't like living here.
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And once you start looking for evidence that something is
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wrong,
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you will find it everywhere.
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SPEAKER_00: Trust me.
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So the new belief that I've practiced replacing that old one is
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I can be grateful
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SPEAKER_00: for exactly where I am while I'm building towards what I want.
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SPEAKER_00: That one sentence gives me so much permission to feel grateful.
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SPEAKER_00: peace,
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SPEAKER_00: contentment,
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SPEAKER_00: and joy now,
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SPEAKER_00: even when my life doesn't look the way that I necessarily want it to yet.
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SPEAKER_00: And when I'm in that state of gratitude, time expands.
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SPEAKER_00: It almost slows down.
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SPEAKER_00: I have more energy I can create without forcing things.
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And this is where my favorite simmer analogy comes in to play
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that I learned from
15:23
one of my yoga teachers in New York that you've probably heard
15:26
me mention before.
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So if you're cooking and you have everything on the stove
15:30
turned up on high at the
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SPEAKER_00: same time,
15:32
SPEAKER_00: something's going to burn.
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SPEAKER_00: You have to adjust the heat.
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SPEAKER_00: Some things need your full attention right now.
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SPEAKER_00: Others need to stay on the back burner,
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SPEAKER_00: simmering,
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SPEAKER_00: not forgotten,
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SPEAKER_00: just not the priority in this moment.
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SPEAKER_00: Our dreams work the same way.
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Coming home from France taught me that it's okay to
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reprioritize your dreams.
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Sometimes that's exactly what you have to do in order to
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realize all of them.
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So personally,
15:58
for me,
15:58
France is not off the stove,
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but it is on the back burner.
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SPEAKER_00: It's on a simmer and that's okay.
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SPEAKER_00: Tim Ferriss talks about the minimum effective dose,
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SPEAKER_00: the small input that still produces a result.
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SPEAKER_00: For me and France,
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that's 30 minutes of French daily and also reviewing my
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finances on a weekly basis.
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SPEAKER_00: If you think about it, this isn't a lot.
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SPEAKER_00: It's not a big commitment,
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SPEAKER_00: but it compounds over time,
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SPEAKER_00: and I'm trusting that consistency is stronger than intensity.
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SPEAKER_00: Now, I know I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again.
16:30
I follow the wheel of the year and align my vision with the
16:34
energy of each season.
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It's a way to bring more introspection and intentionality into
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how I move through
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SPEAKER_00: my life,
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SPEAKER_00: and I pray a lot.
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SPEAKER_00: I surrender my vision to God.
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SPEAKER_00: this or something better.
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It's one of my favorite mantras because sometimes what God has
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in store for us is
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SPEAKER_00: far greater than we could ever plan for ourselves.
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Allowing your dreams to simmer means not taking them off the
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stove before their time.
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SPEAKER_00: It's a lesson in trust,
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SPEAKER_00: in deep surrender,
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in making space for the universe to conspire on your behalf
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without needing your
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SPEAKER_00: own force or willpower.
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SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to walk away with from today.
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SPEAKER_00: Coming home doesn't mean going back,
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SPEAKER_00: whether it's from a trip abroad,
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SPEAKER_00: a retreat,
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SPEAKER_00: or even just a conversation that showed you how you want to live.
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SPEAKER_00: You don't have to lose that.
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SPEAKER_00: You get to bring those values,
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SPEAKER_00: that peace,
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SPEAKER_00: that pace,
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SPEAKER_00: that vision of yourself and your new way of being home with you.
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SPEAKER_00: But it takes intention.
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SPEAKER_00: Design your life around harmony,
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SPEAKER_00: not balance,
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SPEAKER_00: and give yourself permission to take this seasonal approach.
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SPEAKER_00: Not everything needs your full attention at the same time.
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SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is more than a mindset.
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It is a daily practice,
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and it's the bridge between where you are and where you want to
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be.
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SPEAKER_00: And start with the bare minimum.
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Three things you're grateful for before you fall asleep and
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when you wake up.
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focusing on your heart space if you have the energy journal it
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and when you're
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ready to go deeper try theater of the mind for seven days right
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from your future
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self see what starts to shift in the here and now listen your
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dreams do not have an
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expiration date mine certainly do not let them simmer not
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everything needs to be
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SPEAKER_00: right here right now
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Trust that consistency is stronger than intensity and trust
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that sometimes
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reprioritizing a dream is exactly how you make space to realize
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all of your dreams.
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SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait until you get there, wherever there is for you.
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SPEAKER_00: Just start living like the person you want to become.
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SPEAKER_00: You can be her or him right now, right here, wherever you are.
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SPEAKER_00: That is all I have for today's episode.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Lately with Lexi.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: If this episode resonated, please share it with a friend.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: I'd also love to hear from you.
18:48
Leave a comment on Substack or write a review on Spotify or
18:51
Apple Podcasts.
18:52
And if you want to book an intuitive reading or energy healing
18:55
session with me,
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SPEAKER_00: all of the links are in the show notes below.
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I have some new openings and availability in my calendar to
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take out some new clients.
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SPEAKER_00: So just reach out if you are interested.
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SPEAKER_00: I would love to work with you and I will see you guys next week.