Latest / The Birth Lounge Podcast / Ep. 474: Changing The Narrative with Girls Who Know® Founder Laurisa Paul

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Ep. 474: Changing The Narrative with Girls Who Know® Founder Laurisa Paul · The Birth Lounge Podcast

It's about them having an experience that changes their mind about birth, which changes their mind about being a woman, which changes their mind about, like, who they are and how they relate to the world.
It's, it's all interconnected.
I love how you lay out the story of, like, learning early can set the foundation for what you choose in birth.
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast.
Have you ever thought about what we're teaching little girls about their bodies? Like, the way that we talk about periods, the way that we talk about their actual physical body, their mental health, birth.
Have you ever thought about the messaging that young children are getting about birth, whether it be from overhearing someone's birth story in your life, all the way down to the scenes that are in maybe children's programming or cartoons that they are watching? I know that this isn't anything that I've actually given too much thought about, and today's episode is gonna really dive into why this should be on the top of our minds, why we should, as young parents raising children to now go out and be the next generation, this should really be a topic of conversation in our homes.
Today, I'm getting to sit down with Larisa Paul, who is a registered nurse, a home birth and midwife advocate, and the founder of an organization called Girls Who Know.
Now, this is an organization that inspires young girls to love who they are and trust their bodies.
Being medically trained, Larisa stumbled across home birth when she was actually having her five children Her first two children were born in the hospital setting, and this mainstream medicine experience left her feeling like she just knew that there was probably something more to this.
She couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but she kind of knew, like, "I think there's more to this."
And as she was in nursing school, one of her colleagues, her schoolmates, her nursing schoolmates, actually changed her entire viewpoint on birth by sharing just one sentence In today's conversation, you're gonna hear us talk about How do we introduce the idea of menstrual cycles and loving your body and tapping into your intuition and really harnessing the power that comes along with being a female in our homes? And what if you are not the parent of a little girl, but rather little boys? Now, what does that conversation look like? We're also gonna talk about how starting this education early, and in Laurisa's case, as early as 10 years old, is really going to impact our birth culture in such a positive way.
For little girls, you're gonna have a whole generation of little girls that know themselves, and they know how to advocate for themselves, they know how to speak up, and they know how to listen to the messages and the communication that their body is giving them.
For little boys, it's so special to think about how amazing they are gonna be at being an intuitive partner that really understands the female body and understands how to support that.
This conversation is equally spiritual and inspiring, and ugh, it was just such an honor to have this conversation.
So without further ado, Laurisa, welcome to the show Thanks, HeHe.
Thanks for having me.
Of course.
This is a really cool topic, and I say cool because it's so needed.
It's, like, a little outside of my realm.
I don't talk about this stuff.
This is not, um, the age group that I work with.
However, it, like, seamlessly goes with the podcast.
Like, it's such a good mesh.
I have never had to teach anyone about their period or, you know, body literacy.
I guess body literacy is part of doula work, for sure, but not young girls, right? This is just, like, not anything that I have ever Needed to do, but now that I'm a mom, I mean, I had a boy, of course, but we'll have more children, so it makes me think like, "Hey, right, how would you teach that?" And like when is the right time to talk about these things? And then, you know, I say like, "Oh, I had a boy", like, like, okay, that doesn't have a conversat-...
Like- Right that's a conversation all on its own, right? It's like, well, how, what are we teaching our little boys? And it's gonna be different, so I'm super stoked for this conversation.
I think a cool point for us to start at is your background.
Like how did your evolution of learning come about? Because you're a nurse, so most people I think would think like, "Oh, okay, must be L and D, and that's how you got into this world", but that's not the case.
Talk to us about your background, how'd you get started with, you know, the organization, what made you wanna start it, and how did you choose the age group that you work with? Awesome.
Yay, I love those questions.
Yeah, so the, i- interesting point that I wanted to say is that body literacy for girls for me is literally just a precursor to better birth outcomes.
So like it all goes together, and we have to start way upstream.
That's what I believe.
So how this came about is I was a girl who didn't know, right? I didn't know anything about how inspiring my body was.
I didn't know anything about my menstrual cycle.
I had a lot of, when I got into my teenage years, I started having some disordered eating and body image issues and kind of carried those into my young adult life.
Um, so I struggled a lot with, respect for my body.
Like I had a really complicated relationship with my body, and that was the first seed, I think, of Girls Who Know.
Um, the other big important seed is that I was really young when I first became a mother, and I didn't know anything about childbirth.
Nothing.
I just assumed that you go to a hospital, and people do the best things for you, and you come out, and like literally didn't ever ask any question.
And so I was 20 years old, barely, and I went in f- to have my first baby and had a very standard birth.
Like so standard hospital birth to me at that time, this was over 20 years ago, I was, you know, flat on my back, didn't have any food or water, had an epidural, had Pitocin, was pushing for a very long time, of course and so I had forceps.
And then they used a vacuum, and it was just like exhaustive and tiring, and I didn't get to do skin to skin, and they cut the cord immediately.
Like just standard, what I thought was standard care.
You know, I didn't know any differently, so how could I know that That there was anything better.
Looking back, it was definitely traumatic, but h- how would I know that? You know, I'm just like, "That's what it is to have a baby, and that must be what it is to be a mother, like, just a lot of hard and sacrifice."
I also...
My second was-- I don't know if we mentioned I have five kids, so this is, like, a learning journey that spanned over decades.
But my second was a scheduled induction, and I had scheduled it around my clinicals in nursing school.
And so, like, I was supposed to not miss one clinical, and we did them every week.
And so I, like, went to my 12-hour clinical, and then I checked in for an induction and was supposed to be back the next Tuesday for my next clinical.
Yeah.
And I didn't ask questions, really.
I just was like, "Hey."
I was still young.
Do whatever they say.
And so we had an induction, and same thing, like, standard hospital birth, okay? But the difference was with this induction, I didn't feel anything because I was completely medicated.
I actually slept through the birth and basically woke up when he was crowning.
And the nurse is like, "There's a baby coming out.
You should probably wake up and push."
And then I was holding a baby.
And my young 22-year-old self, r- like, was sitting there holding the baby and looking at him, and I thought, "This, I think it's supposed to be different."
Like, I don't even-- I was so disconnected, like I was just asleep, and then I woke up, and now there's a baby in my arms.
And I-- Those were my first two births.
The turning point for me was someone in nursing school.
We're sitting there in my maternal health class, and we're just learning about all the things nurses learn about, like how to manage problems and pharmacology and, and a girl in the back of the corner of the class, I remember exactly where she was sitting, raised her hand and said, "I have to say something.
I just had a baby last year on my own power.
I didn't use any interventions, and it was the most life-changing thing I've ever done."
And I was like I mean, you can't, if you're listening, you can't see my face.
I was stunned.
I was, I felt like she was speaking to me.
It was kinda like the world slowed, you know? Like, I'm like, "What is she even talking about she loved her birth, and it changed her, and left her a better person?" And so I just t- got really hungry and started educating myself.
And so it wasn't until I was already done with nursing school that I actually took education into my own hands and had my baby number three, and that was the turning point for me.
I didn't have any interventions, I didn't have any medication, and I just, like, believed in my body at this point.
I actually was like, "Nobody ever told me my body could just do this.
Like, how? How did I miss that?" And so I went into it super excited.
Like, I, I'm gonna see what my body does.
And I also felt a little bit of, like, stick it to the medical field 'cause I was a nurse and nobody ever told me this, and I don't want medication in my body.
I was a little bit just, like, not wanting that So that's why I went into it unmedicated, and then I had him, and how I came out of it was a different person.
Like, I did not expect what was going to be the gift of giving birth, and feeling it and experiencing it, and, like, being a powerful decision-maker in it, and it absolutely changed me.
So, I mean, giving birth to him was a turning point in my life.
Like, I just thought birth was a thing you do so you can have a baby.
I had no idea that it was a spiritual experience, that it would, like, show me how powerful I was, that it would give me confidence in, you know, who I am as a mother, and it just opened up this whole new path in my life that I didn't even know existed.
And so, after that, I couldn't stop.
Like, that's the path I was going, right? Like, I didn't know childbirth was that gift, and I had had three kids.
And so, I became a midwife assistant, and I started going to home births, and a doula to lots of friends, and that experience just showed me that it's not just me.
That kinda blew my mind again.
Like, this wasn't just my experience.
This is this woman's experience and this woman's experience, and I kept seeing it over and over, and that we need to have birth as part of our experience as women and it shouldn't be taken away from us.
And so, my next two babies, numbers four and five, were born at home, and, you know, at this point, I was deep in my own, like, call as a mother, and I wasn't working as a nurse anymore, and I was just homeschooling my kids, loving being a mom.
Like, years passed.
This knowing that I had was a little bit quieter, 'cause my youngest was probably five by now, and we had actually moved across the country during this time.
And so, I was just doing my life as a mom, like, not really involved in the birth world anymore, and I- Found out, this is a huge moment for me one day, like I'm going around doing my normal life, and my sister-in-law, who was young, who was uneducated just like me was pregnant, and she went in to have her baby.
She lived way across the country from me.
She had a C-section.
And it just lit a fire in me, like that I didn't do something that she didn't know, and she was just like me, and she was, she didn't have any chance to learn, but I didn't do anything to help.
And I don't know the details of her C-section.
It wasn't even really that specifically was pertinent, but it just lit this fire in me that, like, I can't sit here at home contentedly and just, even though I love being a mom and this is my call, like I have to do something because I have this education, and I have this life experience and my work has taught me so much, and I can't just keep seeing girls go through the same cycle that I went through, like getting hurt because they don't know.
And so that's the day I was like, I'm, I gotta do something.
I'm gonna take a stand, and I brushed off my license again, and I actually became an instructor for evidence-based birth first.
And, you know, learned a whole lot from her too, and I love the work that she's doing.
As soon as I got ready to teach my first classes, COVID hit, and I probably taught one class, but it gave this, me this pause, this big pause where I could think, "What is it that I really want to do?" And like, what's the thing that I was born to do with all the life experience I have? And I knew.
I knew I wanted to educate girls.
I knew that if there was a way that way upstream, like we could change the story for them, that they could understand what their bodies are doing, that they could develop like a practice of paying attention to their bodies.
Um, if they could start to learn to trust their bodies, like, you know, first of all, learn to listen, but then second, like can they learn to trust it, that their body's speaking to them for a reason? Then we could change the downstream outcomes.
We don't have to have so many women going into their first birth getting hurt because they don't know.
And so I was, like, on fire.
I, you know, I'm just like, "This is what I'm supposed to do," and developed this program where we bring teenage girls to us to do that very thing.
Like, practice listening to their bodies, and talking about what is their intuition and their inner knowing, and how do you speak up for yourself, and what does, like, consent even look like? And then on top of that, we do these other cool things like teach them the menstrual cycle, and anatomy, and we show them how childbirth works.
But it's all in this foundation of, like, them knowing their bodies, because I think that will launch people into where they're supposed to go, and helping them make better decisions for their lives.
So that's where Girls Who Know came from.
It was born in a matter of literally probably six months after I had the fire lit.
I would just...
Couldn't stop, and I developed all the curriculum and how it would run, and I started these classes on Zoom, and then I started going into the high schools and just presenting everywhere I could to inspire girls to love who they are and trust their bodies.
Oh my gosh, I love that so much.
Doesn't it feel so good to, like, figure out your calling, to be like, "Oh my God, this is it.
This is what I'm supposed to do"? Yeah.
It makes everything make sense.
Everything.
My own relationship with my body was a huge, a huge knowing that matters to me, 'cause now I know where girls are coming from.
You know, I know the things they're up against when they show up in a class to learn about their bodies.
Like, they don't, a lot of them, have a good relationship with their bodies, and I didn't either.
And so starting from that knowing of, I don't know, just being able to build confidence layer by layer and help them see things they didn't know, it's so joyful for me to just inspire them to have a totally different story about their bodies.
Now, help us understand how having a good relationship with your body- At such a young age when birth is not even on your mind is gonna translate to better births Yes.
Well, let's, let's break it down into age groups maybe because there's different objectives for me for different age groups.
Like younger teen girls, so I invite girls starting at 10 years old to come, and at 10 years old, for sure childbirth isn't on their minds, right? They were just born.
And so we don't talk a lot about, well, we don't even mention childbirth unless I'm saying something like, "I love the fact that I get to have a baby," or something inspiring like that.
But for these girls, it's building that foundation I was talking about.
Like do they understand that their body speaks to them? And if not, let's practice.
That's a huge thing that's gonna matter for them when they're grown women, right? And making decisions in childbirth.
Like I didn't even know that my intuition mattered when I was giving birth for the first two times.
And so helping them know what intuition is, like this inner knowing that they can trust.
And then we also, something that's so important to me is we set up this environment with rules, and these rules are like you gotta take care of yourself, and you speak positively about yourself and others, and you be brave, and you use your voice.
I just think the, the foundation of those rules for women leads them to better birth outcomes.
Like it's all, even if the girls never know it, I'm taking the things that I know they're gonna need and trying in these, this month-long series to give them, yeah, little bites.
Like teaching them that they have to understand that their needs matter.
They can't take care of everybody else and, and ignore what their own needs are.
And so there's like a rule that you take care of yourself, and what, what that means for girls is like if you're hungry, you stand up and go get some food.
You don't ask me permission.
And those kind of like practices of girls, I don't think there's enough places for them to practice just being sovereign women like that can take care of their own selves without permission from people Um, it matters, right? And then, you know, if we wanna talk practical reasons, like how this affects childbirth at 10 years old, well, do they know their anatomy? Because we teach them.
Like, what I...
We do a whole day on internal anatomy and a whole day on in- external, and so these girls, like, know what their uterus looks like.
They know that the opening of their uterus is called a cervix and they...
Like, these girls are well-versed on their cervix and how it affects their life when they start their cycle, but also that it's going to affect their life when they decide to have a baby, if they do.
So there's so many seeds that are planted that lead them into the next age group.
And then in the, the 14 to 17-year-old girls, they get to actually learn about how inspiring childbirth is.
And I don't care if it's 10 years down the road for them, or 20.
For me, it's about, like, having a voice to plant a seed that's different than the voice they probably have heard.
Most teenage girls come with some fear.
Like, they've already picked up little bits and pieces of all the bad birth experiences that people have...
You know, maybe their aunts are sharing their birth story, or they see stuff on TikTok.
For me, it's like, there's another voice, and I wanna be that.
And so my whole objective is just to inspire them that childbirth is fascinating, and that it works, and that it's, like, a joy to be able to participate in it.
And their minds are blown.
Like, they, they've never heard about childbirth talked in this light.
And so truly, I don't care if they remember the stages of labor or, you know, what, what the cervix has to do, or how many centimeters it has to dilate to.
It's not that for me, even though I teach that.
For me, it's that they, like, leave with a remembrance that this is a good thing, and that, that there's, like, power in it, and that they wanna be a part of it instead of fear around it.
So it matters.
Like, you asked, you know, they're way younger than giving birth age, but to me, it's not about them actually learning how to give birth.
It's about them having an experience that changes their mind about birth, which changes their mind about being a woman, which changes their mind about, like, who they are and how they relate to the world.
It's, it's all interconnected.
I love how you lay out the story of, like, learning early can set the foundation for what you choose in birth.
And I see some parallels in my own experience because I became a doula When I was 24, 26, something like that, and I had my first baby at 34.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I did a home birth.
I had an unmedicated birth.
But those two things are cool, but they were my preferences.
That doesn't have to be your preference- Right for this to play out, right? More so, and this is, those two things were good And I think they influenced my birth, but the things that mattered was that I found midwives that listened to me.
What if I didn't know that was an option? What if I didn't even know midwives was an option? Yeah You know, like, I knew how to communicate.
I knew alternatives to ask.
I was confident in declining things.
Yeah.
I didn't phrase my language around my birth as asking for permission, so I didn't say things like, "Would you be okay if I chose to wear a continuous glucose monitor instead of doing the glucola drink?" What I said was, "I know we have this test coming up."
Or actually, I think my midwife probably brought it up and said, "We have this test coming up.
What are your thoughts about it?" I mean, that right there is pivotal.
She just said, "What are your thoughts about it?" She didn't say like, "I'm gonna give you this," right? Just like knowing, I guess, what I'm worth when it comes to having a relationship with a doctor also, like- Yeah and I started only 10 years before.
Imagine if I had started these conversations when I was 10, right? And even younger, well, I wanna talk to, I wanna talk to you about that.
But like, just think about the earlier that we introduce these conversations, it makes such a big difference.
To close the loop on the glucose monitor, what I actually said was well, we always made jokes of like, you know, I have thoughts for sure, so like I always have thoughts about things.
Um- Yeah so I probably made a joke like that, and then I just said like, "You know, I've thought about all the options, the traditional one, the fresh test or the continuous glucose monitor, and I'm gonna choose to do that.
And if we see something concerning, then we can have another discussion of whether I'm gonna like do a full challenge or not.
But just to get like a baseline, this is what I've chosen to do."
And my midwife said, "Okay, cool.
Do you have any questions about data that we're not gonna get from that because they are different than the glucose test?" And I said, "No."
You know, and, and she opened it up to conversation.
If you don't even know that that's a possibility- Yeah you know, it, it's impossible to get that as care.
Yeah.
So in, yeah, this is exactly right.
So in the older girls, like 14 and up, they learn the different kind of care providers and what the different kind of care providers experience might be like, and it's just a little bit of information that can totally change everything for them.
Yeah.
And it's definitely not about me saying which way to birth.
Th- there's zero, like this is a better way.
The better way is you understand your options and you make informed choices, right? Then you, whatever you choose is your choice for your birth, and that right there like empowers teenage girls.
You should see their faces just as they feel the sense of power returning to them Like, "Oh, she's not even gonna tell me what I should do," right? There's not a should, that I get to choose, and, like, I can be supported in that by this kind of provider or this kind of provider.
It's huge.
I didn't know midwives existed until I had my...
s- probably till I was in nursing school.
I thought, I thought a midwife was, uh, something you read about in, like, old fairy tale books or something.
And now I am here an advocate.
Like, we need more midwives, and, and helping teenage girls know that has been powerful, too, that, like, midwifery is a profession, you know? Yeah.
Well, I was just thinking, like, how many doulas are you gonna create? Like, how many- Yeah you know, girls...
And you wanna know something that's crazy that's popping into my head as you're talking? It's like, by the age of 10, that power has totally been beaten out of us and robbed from us.
That's crazy.
Like, that makes me wanna cry.
Yeah.
Me too.
Yeah.
And the 10-year-olds are so receptive to a different story.
They're still so open.
They're, like, so flex.
And when I give them these, these ideas, like, "Hey, you take care of yourself, you know.
Like, you're...
You know what you need, and you don't have to ask me.
You just take care of yourself," they get it right then and do it.
And so it's so easy to plant seeds that can just help that steady sense of power, like you said.
You guys, I know that making decisions around your birth can feel so overwhelming.
And then once you get to a place of having made a decision, you go into your prenatal appointment or you go into labor, and then if you're faced with any sort of resistance or pushback from your hospital team, it can kind of feel like you are coming up against a roadblock or a brick wall or kind of like a WTF moment.
Like, "I feel so informed, I feel so confident.
Why is my medical team working against me?" Well, that's exactly why I have created my scripts for advocacy.
This is a guide that is jam-packed with the most common objections from your OB that you're going to face in late pregnancy and in labor.
It's gonna cover things like 39-week induction, late term ultrasounds, various interventions, how do you decline things that don't feel aligned to you, and then how do you truly advocate for the things that you do want.
Consent is not a form or a piece of paper that should be shoved in your face.
It's a question.
It's a full-blown discussion.
It's fluid, and not only can you give it freely, but you can take it away just as easily.
You know what I always say, if you don't have the freedom to either say yes or no, then it's not true informed consent.
That would be called coerced consent.
I want you to be overly prepared to advocate for yourself.
I want you to be overly confident in saying no.
I want you to be overly informed about the options that you can request and the discussions that you can have with your healthcare team as your pregnancy progresses and as you labor with your baby.
Why? Well, because I know that this is the number one crucial key factor in helping you avoid birth trauma and having a birth that leaves you feeling empowered and inspired, not broken and bruised.
Understanding what your options are is one thing, but knowing how to actually achieve them and stand strong in the face of adversity, resistance, and even medical manipulation while you're trying to have your baby is the key.
This guide is completely free, and like I say, it is jam-packed with the most common objections that you're gonna face from your OB.
You can download this guide at thebirthlounge.com/scripts-ob
for-advocacy.
Again, that's thebirthlounge.com/scripts-for-advocacy.
I absolutely cannot wait to help you have the birth of your dreams, and I'm so committed to helping you achieve the birth that you've always dreamed of.
Grab my free guide at thebirthlounge.com/scripts-for-advocacy
And are you educating parents, too? 'Cause I imagine if in your classroom or in the time that they spend with you, you know, they, they can freely go to the bathroom and freely get some water and freely get a snack if they need, and then they go home to these really maybe more routine homes or homes that have much more of a structured hierarchy or stricter homes, you know, more rigid homes.
Yeah.
That can be really hard.
So are you doing education with parents to say, like, "Here are the things that you can start to practice in your home"? Yes.
Yeah.
The, the parents get exactly what you just said.
Like, here's what your girls learned this week, here's what we talked about, and here's practical ways to implement it in your home.
And most of those practical ways are, like, you start listening to your body.
You know, it's encouraging moms and caregivers to do the same.
Like, as we go through the menstrual cycle and we talk about how throughout the month there's different needs that your body has, I'm encouraging...
I'm educating as much as I can.
I would love to run a whole series just for the caregivers.
You know, some- someday that might be in my wheelhouse, but right now it's more just letting them know, like, here's where we're at, and here's what you can do at home to support it.
And so much of it is them, them understanding their own bodies and having appreciation for everything their body's doing for them.
Oh my gosh.
I love it so much.
Okay.
So now you have sparked me to think about, you know, obviously we want, don't wanna wait until 10, or maybe we do.
I guess, in my opinion, you know, there are age appropriate ways to present things to younger children especially for children who have kind of a closer relationship with their parent, or they live in much more of a free home.
So I'm thinking like, you know, little four-year-old boys that are in the bathroom with their mom.
Like, they may ask questions.
You, you wanna have the language to talk about these things.
So I would assume that we're not waiting until 10 years old.
Yeah.
How do you naturally just kind of...
I guess I'm looking for more veteran mom advice right now.
You can.
Like, how are you naturally weaving these things into your home as to, like, take away the taboo, right? Like, are you just...
When a young boy child says, like, "What's this?" You say, "That's a tampon.
Mommy uses that.
Like, that helps Mommy's body."
Like, is that what we're saying to two, three, four-year-olds who are going through our cabinets- Yeah and they're like, "What is this?" Yes, yes, yes.
And I remember there being a time when I didn't...
I felt a little unsteady on this topic.
So I know that that's real, that it's not so easy for a lot of people.
I think, again, I think the more comfortable we get with our own bodies, the more comfortable we are speaking about it to our children.
And so if I was a mom listening, like how can I feel more comfortable? I'd say just doing the work to be comfortable with your own self.
Like, do you know your own anatomy? I have a book I love that's called Vaginas Periods 101, and it's a pop-up book and it, like, just shows how it all works.
And I, and I love that book.
I love...
There's not a lot of awesome books actually, sadly.
I wish there was more great books on, on these topics.
But I think if I had to give one piece of advice, it's probably the more you know about your own body, the more comfortable you are in discussing it.
For my own daughter, one bit of language that I really love and I would love all girls to hear when they're tiny is that one day your body will begin to cycle.
And it's just a tiny shift in, like, you're gonna have a period.
Because it, it paints such a bigger...
It's a, it paints the real truth, right? That one, that you're part of an, like a nature cycle, like all the nature cycles that toddlers know.
And you get to tell little girls that their body will cycle just like the seasons cycle, and one day it will just start to cycle, and the way you'll know is you'll have a period.
But that, all that does is it's just telling you that your body has begun to cycle, and I love that language shift because it's empowering rather than, like, there's gonna be this thing you have to deal with.
So my daughter knows.
She's nine, and she's fully aware, like, one day her body will cycle.
There's no more...
There's nothing strange about that and then yeah, proper anatomy's really important to me.
But if, if parents haven't been calling body parts the right things or haven't known what to say that's okay too.
Like, teen girls that come through, most of them just think they have a vagina.
That's it.
And there's a lot more inspiring parts than just a vagina.
And so I mean, it's okay.
Like, there's time.
They can still learn, and I, I show them the correct names for all the parts.
I show them that the vulva's different than the labia, and the vagina's actually inside their bodies, and they're like, "What?" And they love it.
They eat it up.
And so it's not like we have to do it perfectly, I guess, is what I'm saying.
Like, it can be uncomfortable and imperfect, and it's still so good.
Just keep trying to educate yourself, and the more you do, the more comfortable it will be for your girls and boys.
Like, I have...
My boys now are 15, 17, 19, and 22.
The first four were boys.
And they're so comfortable with this idea of a girl's cycling body, and also I hope they're comfortable with their body.
I don't talk about it as much as I do girls' bodies, 'cause I'm so inspired by the girl body.
But I just think the more we talk about it in our comfort is how that plays out for our kids.
I love how it's, like, really a cultural shift that you're creating, because you're impacting boys that are now gonna go out and be husbands to somebody.
And somebody's gonna just reap the benefits of you being so positive and, and just even the language shifts.
They're gonna be so safe in your presence, regardless of whether they decide to have children or not.
I love that you're impacting parents and, and women.
I was gonna say girls my age, but women my age.
You know, uh, y- I think people would be shocked.
I mean, maybe not.
Maybe you're out there listening being like, "Uh, that's actually me."
People- that we work with sometimes, a lot of times, they won't know the difference in their anatomy.
And so when we're teaching, we will often clarify, like, you know, "Do you have any questions about the difference between these things?" And nine times out of 10, people have questions.
They don't know, right? Yeah.
And I'm like, "Wow, that is your body."
I I'm not shy about this, but I look at myself all the time in the mirror, and there are so many benefits to that.
Yeah.
Like noticing your body changes, and especially health benefits.
Like when you are familiar with your body, you can recognize if something pops up and is, is abnormal.
And so, uh, you know, that leads to early detection, which leads to early diagno- It's, it's, it's a whole, it's a- Yeah whole ripple effect it- y- you know, itself.
But I'm always shocked and I'm saying, "Have you ever..."
You know, especially at the end of pregnancy, people are like, "Oh, my vagina's so swollen."
I'm like, "Okay, that's your vulva."
Yeah.
And also have you ever looked at your vulva? Like how swollen? They're like, "Oh, no, I've never."
They don't know what- Would even look at it they've never.
Like I can't see it 'cause of the belly.
And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, but pre-pregnancy, have you ever like taken a mirror? Do you ever like inspect your, like do you ever look at any of it?" "No, no, no.
Gosh, yeah."
And I'm like, "Wow, okay.
We've got this huge event- Yeah that's about to happen- Yeah in a part of your body that you've had for your whole life.
Yeah.
Literally as long as you've been a- alive.
What, like whether that's 21 years old- As long as you've had your hands or you're having a baby at 38.
Yeah, like as old as your hands, your ears, your nose, your eyes, like all of it, and you've never looked at it.
Never looked.
You have no idea.
Um, that's always so, it's always a moment for me.
I'm not gonna say it's shocking or like it takes my breath away, but now I, it's just a reminder.
It is a moment.
Every single time it happens I like take a deep breath and I'm like, all right.
Yeah.
We're fighting the good fight out here.
Like we're, let's get some people educated.
Um, so yeah, and, and then obviously you, you're making such an impact on the teens.
This is just...
It's crazy.
Your ripple effect is reaching so many audiences that need this.
I love it so much.
Okay.
I wanna talk about your births because it, it attaches to this cultural idea that we're making this, like, systemic change, right? Like, if we can tackle my age group and we can tackle our children, regardless of whether they're boys or girls, now we've got this super ripple effect happening.
Yes.
Do you/did you have your children at your birth, your home births, or, and/or do you believe that, like, that is another way that we can really, like, encourage positive birth ideas to start to get out in our country? Totally.
I mean, I think that's valid in every way if it's what the mom wants.
Yeah, yeah.
Right? 'Cause I, I did not choose to have my kids there even though I s- find it so romantic sounding.
You know, I've been to births where there's all the kids are there, and some hop in the pool, and some are out, and the midwife's there, and every- it's a big party, and I think they're beautiful.
And so it's the same probably answer as before where there's not...
You can't say every mom should do that, though, because for me, when I was giving birth, even though I thought that was beautiful, I just needed to go away in my own space and not have anyone around and give birth kinda like in my own strength and power and be able to scream as loud as I wanted when I wanted to.
I just didn't want my kids there.
I, I wanted them to be very close nearby, and so my kids have this beautiful different memory, right, of they're, like, playing out in the front yard with neighbors and Dad goes out and says, "Baby's here.
Come inside."
And that, I think, is just as lovely, right? They come in, and their mom has just given birth, and they get to see everything there, the placenta, and see the baby and still learn.
And so I always think integrating the family into the experience will heal things for the next generation.
Mm, I love it.
And look, I think it looks different for everybody of what does, you know, quote, unquote, "at your birth" look like, but that was such a beautiful description of what it can look like.
If you don't want them in your space- Mm-hmm I think normalizing, like, we weren't at a hospital, and you guys get to see the baby right now.
They still have blood on them.
Like, they've just came out.
Yep.
Like, Mom's right here.
Dad's right here.
Like, they get to see the medical team.
You know? How disorienting must it be that your mom is pregnant.
She drops you off somewhere or someone comes to your house.
You see Mama go bye-bye, and then when she comes home, she's not pregnant.
There is this baby.
You have no idea how this happened.
You have no idea who cared for these people.
There's not even any telling how long your mom has been away.
Sometimes they come home the next day.
Sometimes they're gone for a week, sometimes more.
You know, it's like It's so disconnected I do Right? Exactly.
Exactly That's integrated Yeah Into experience.
Yeah It's like the parallel to your first couple births.
Yeah You were, like, just so disconnected, right? And we can see how- Mm-hmm maybe the seeds were laid when we were a little kid.
Sure.
You know? Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
We can- Do you know- go real deep with this stuff.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I have s- another thought that, that we don't have to go into 'cause it's totally off the wall, but I feel the same way about death.
Mm.
I was a hospice nurse for, you know, a while, and I, and I felt the same beauty and the integration when, when children could be a part of, like, their grandpa passing, or at least be in the other room and get to come in and see his body as it was transitioning.
Like, I felt like it was so wonderfully real, like what it's supposed to be, that you get to have these experiences.
And we've done the same thing with death as we have with birth, very much, like, separated.
You're supposed to go away and do the thing, and no one gets to see it, or, like- Yeah, know that it's part of the cycle of life.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, I wanna ask you about the language, 'cause you kind of briefly touched on it.
When you're teaching these girls about their body, you're obviously using anatomical language.
Mm-hmm.
Is this what you recommend using at home as well? So when, you know, let's say you're changing your baby's diaper and they're exploring their bodies, you can say like, "Yeah, that's your penis.
That's your vulva.
Yep, exactly.
Okay, let me wipe you up.
I'm gonna put your diaper on," you know, and you kinda make it this very nonchalant thing.
Yeah but you're also identifying, like, what that body part is without calling it, like, a cookie or a tooty or whatever, right? I love that you're saying that.
Like, let's be intentional about using the words when it would be natural to use them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's a huge thing that I do with my kids, and I would love if all kids got to hear those words, like, said on the regular.
E- even, you know, like, distinguishing for girls what's the part that's hurting so we, we know there's different parts is so powerful.
And again, lots of parents don't know.
So that's okay.
Like, don't feel bad if you're listening and you're like, "But I don't know all the parts."
It's super easy to learn them.
Like, get the book I just recommended, right? It's...
There's only, like...
I mean, there's, there's more, but we do, like, six main parts inside and six outside.
So it's not too many.
It's just a handful of main anatomical parts that matter.
And like, how that translates into being comfortable and making birth decisions and, you know, how often do I want cervical checks and what does, like you said, what's swollen? Is your vagina swollen or your vulva? Like, we have to have the language so we can actually manage our own experience.
For sure.
Oh my gosh.
I just see a whole generation of...
This is making me think of, too, I mean, we've gotta wrap up.
I feel like we...
I just opened up the can of worms.
Like, we could just go- I know.
We could just talk about all sorts of things today, but you know, it makes me think, too if young girls understand their bodies and they understand their cycles, now we're understanding how to avoid pregnancy and how to get pregnant, right? Yeah.
We can better- Yeah be in charge of our cycles, understand our bodies.
And so naturally, organically, we might start to see our birth rate start to increase.
We might start to see girls avoiding birth control, or at least not getting on it as early or maybe ever.
And so we might start to see all these hormonal shifts that we've been seeing that people sometimes blame on birth control, sometimes say that it's not birth control.
We don't know.
We don't really have definitive answers now.
Maybe we'll start to see some of those answers.
This is just so cool.
Isn't the ripple effect huge? Yeah, it is.
Like, the ways it can change things.
I know.
Yeah, it really is.
This has been fascinating.
Um- Like I say, I, I have so many places that I could take this conversation.
Maybe we'll just have to come back for another conversation.
Yep.
Something more acute that we can, like, really dive into instead of a- Right a broad overlook.
Like the, what we, what we say- Yeah and how we teach it and yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be awesome.
Because it, it is life-changing for girls to f- to click in their head what the period actually is and when they can get pregnant.
Like what you're saying, that there's this, it, there's this simple thing called the menstrual cycle.
It's a fresh egg, it's an ovulation, it's an older egg, it's bleeding.
You know, it's this simple thing.
And then for them to see this is the day you can get pregnant, and they're like, "Oh, I can see why now.
I can see why, because the egg is alive and well and I just ovulated."
Yeah.
And then the rest of the month, like, you're not fertile, and it's so simple.
For us not to have a culture where girls actually have a place- Mm to learn this is just, I just think it's time, right? Obviously.
So it's time for there to be a place where they can learn the simple things that will change so much in their life.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh, I love it.
Okay.
Laurisa, where can people find you, connect with you, learn from you? Is this something that parents are seeking out and registering their children for? You had mentioned working with high school.
Is this something that parents can go to their principals and request at their school district? Oh, yeah.
How are people, like, getting access to your programs? Okay.
I would love...
There, there's a few ways.
The, our main, the main, like, flagship Girls Who Know experience is a virtual class.
So parents can register their girls any time for one of the series on girlswhoknow.com.
We have a vision of getting into more and more high schools.
Myself and a couple of the other mentors, there's five of us now doing the work, by the way, and a couple of us have taken it into local high schools, and the reception there is just overwhelming gratitude, positivity from the kids.
Like, it's not as, quite a, as comprehensive as the experience in a virtual class, because you get to come again and again in that experience.
These kids, we get one shot, and so we just, in 90 minutes, blow their minds about how inspiring their bodies are.
And usually around childbirth, we show the process of childbirth, and it leaves them, you know, it leaves them wanting more and believing more in their bodies.
So we wanna get more into schools.
That's one of our visions, and we're gonna need more women for that.
Like, it's going to be exponential where- More women come, we work side by side.
The women who know raise girls who know so that the whole generation can grow up different, right? If you want us in your school, you'd have to have either someone that could, that could learn the content and take it into the school locally or live near one of us.
But if that's not a possibility right now, then, then virtual classes for the girls.
And that's the cool, cool experience because they get to meet girls from all over the country.
The classes are small.
They're, like, six to eight girls, and we meet four times, so they get to have four different experiences with us, and I absolutely love our virtual classes.
So, I would love to leave you with a couple testimonials that I brought as well.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Would that be- Yeah okay.
We always ask the girls after how Girls Who Know change the way they see things.
So- Mm uh, just picture these words coming from, like, 12 to 16-year-old girls, 'cause they're probably right in that age range.
Girls Who Know has changed the way I see things because I have a much more heightened appreciation for everything my body does.
I have realized that we all have to be grateful for our bodies and never depreciate our own body or anyone else's because it's amazing in each and every way This girl said, "In a world where the menstrual cycle, childbirth, and womanhood in general are often sometimes looked at in a negative light, this class taught me about the joy and power and beauty of being a woman."
This girl said, "I learned so much, and I don't think I'll ever see my body the same way again.
It was such an inspiring and educational experience This girl said, "I have autism and ADHD.
When I see body parts, it makes me feel weird, and now doing these classes has changed my reaction on body parts.
I still feel a little insecure when seeing them, but I s- have still improved.
Thank you f- thank you all for letting me feel welcome and changing my point of view."
Hmm.
Yeah, it's powerful.
It's powerful stuff You got me all misty-eyed over here just thinking about, like how cool this is that so many girls are learning things that I think a lot of women wish that they knew.
And it does, it moves me to think about how different our world is gonna be once this is an entire generational thing.
Yeah.
This girl says, um, "I have more appreciation and respect for who I am and how my body works."
Like, we want anything different for our girls than that they have appreciation and respect for themselves? Yeah, and that they, like, trust that their bodies can give life.
I mean, it will, I know it will change everything and This person said, "It showed me that it is okay and that I'm not the only one changing."
So like a sense of, oh, there's other girls just like me in the world, and we're all having this experience of teenage life this girl said, "Just the way I love myself has changed.
I feel more mentally strong."
I really believe that the way a girl sees her body is how she sees herself.
Like, they're not disconnected.
They are one in the same, and so helping them see their body in a way that's true, right, that they're powerful and that they, they get to make decisions for themselves, like, that's how they see themself.
So they're going to make different decisions in their life.
Oh my gosh.
We're all just collectively going through this together.
You're not alone, right? And it, and it happens in stages in life too.
Like, I'm not alone.
I'm 35.
I just had my first baby.
There's so many 35-year-old new moms out there.
You know, whether you're, you're 10 or you're 35 or you're 85, finding the people that are out there doing the same thing as you is really important.
Having that community is so important, especially in a world that is so disconnected, and social media is so rampant, and bullying is a thing that we have to worry about, and it's just...
It's tough to be a teenager.
Oh, Laurisa, I love this so much.
Okay, you didn't tell us where we can find you on Instagram.
Oh, yeah.
So the website is girlswhoknow.com.
The Instagram is officialgirlswhoknow.
And then I wanted to direct you also to an interview that Dr.
Stu Fishbein just did recently.
He was on the Highwire with Del Bigtree, and it's a short, like...
Well, actually, they made it into maybe a one-hour documentary, but it's called The Crisis in Modern Maternity Care, and it just shows beautifully, like, what's happening in case you're unaware, and then how, you know, educating girls is the answer, like, how that can heal the gener- the next generation.
So check that out too.
Oh my gosh.
I'll add it to the list of life-changing documentaries.
I love it so much.
Yeah, right.
Oh my gosh.
Laurisa, thank you so much for being here.
You guys, I think a lot of us probably thought that, like, your education starts when you get pregnant, right? You start to kinda gather your resources, start reading your books, start listening to your podcasts.
But I think us new generation moms, the ones that are really practicing that attachment parenting, but gentle parenting, but not permissive parenting, we're trying to strike that balance.
We're the ones who are setting boundaries for our families and for ourselves.
We're the ones that are speaking up in doctor's appointments.
We're the ones who are birthing differently, which has led us to parent differently.
I think this is such a good starting point for so many of us to start to get comfortable with our bodies, start to learn what our bodies are telling us so that we can start to instill that into the generations to come.
All right, you guys.
Thanks so much for hanging out with us.
I'll see you in the next episode.
Be sure to follow Laurisa on social media, and you can find me at tranquilitybyhehe and at the.birth.lounge.
Until next time, head to your app store and download the Birth Lounge app for evidence-based childbirth education and data-driven postpartum support delivered straight to your phone.
Bye.
Thank you so much for tuning in today.
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I'm HeHe, and this is the Birth Lounge Podcast.