Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 43 | Leading Without Permission: When Rejection Becomes Redirection

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Ep 43 | Leading Without Permission: When Rejection Becomes Redirection · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been rejected in a way that made you question yourself?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Not because the answer was no, but because you didn't even get a real answer.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: No conversation, no clarity, no chance to learn, just a quiet shutting of the door, and what feels like shutting the door in your face.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly you're left trying to interpret the room, interpret the silence, interpret the weirdness.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: On Tuesday, we talked about this idea.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes rejection isn't the end of your story.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the beginning of your leadership.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to go deeper because the real battle of rejection isn't out there.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's inside you.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's what you do with the sting.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's what you tell yourself about, what it means.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's whether you let rejection shape you or sharpen you.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and today we're talking about leading without permission, what it looks like, how to do it without becoming bitter, and how to build something real when you feel blocked from what you wanted.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let me take you back to the story, but I'm not going to retell it like Tuesday, so I'm going to highlight the moments that matter.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I were deep into dance, competitions, lessons, practice, the whole thing.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to get better, so I started something simple, a Monday night practice at a local dance bar.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was DJing my own music, back then on cassette tapes, and the idea was straightforward.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Create a place where serious dancers could practice with good music and good partners.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: At first it was uneven.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Some weeks hardly anyone, some weeks the ratios were all off, some weeks it felt like it wasn't going anywhere.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I kept showing up.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the first leadership lesson right there, by the way.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Consistency is often the difference between a wish and a movement.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Over time it grew, and pretty soon we had close to 50 dancers showing up on a Monday night.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: For that venue, that was a big deal.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the part that mattered.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of those dancers were connected to a prestigious city dance team, the in-group of that world, skilled, respected, the kind of group you'd naturally assume was the next step.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I did what most people do.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I looked at what I admired, and I thought, maybe I should join that.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's where I belong.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I asked, and I didn't get a clear answer.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: No tryout, no conversation, no respectful no, just avoidance, awkwardness, shrugging it off.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I found out through the grapevine that the leaders had told their team behind closed doors, we don't want Steve on the team.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: No explanation, just exclusion.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me pause right there because if you've ever been through that kind of rejection, you know what it does.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't just hurt your feelings.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: It actually could feel like it is attacking your identity.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you want to replay everything.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Was I too confident?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Did I come on too strong?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say something wrong?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do people not like me?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or even, am I not good enough?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where a lot of people lose themselves, not because they were rejected, but because they start negotiating their worth.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: They start bargaining with their personality, they start shrinking, or on the other side they get bitter and they decide, fine, I don't need anyone.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Both responses are understandable, but neither response is the breakthrough.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the breakthrough, you may ask?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Rejection is information.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not always information about you, but information about the environment.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes rejection reveals insecurity and leadership.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it reveals control, sometimes it reveals politics, sometimes it reveals a culture that doesn't actually align with who you are.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when you see that clearly, rejection becomes a redirect.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is the moment I want you to notice in the story, because this is real important.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: With this situation I was in, I had a choice bitterness or building.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Waiting for permission or leading without it.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I decided I'm not going to wait for permission to lead.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I rented a Grange Hall and started our own independent dance community, monthly dances that were family-friendly, smoke-free, alcohol-free, welcoming to everyone.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that choice wasn't just a business decision, it was a values decision.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the second leadership lesson.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: When rejection happens, don't just chase another door, extract your values.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of the time what you wanted wasn't a team.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: What you wanted was growth, belonging, a chance to contribute, a place where you could become more of who you are.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if a door closes, don't just ask, how do I get in somewhere else?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, you could ask this type of question: what did I really want underneath that?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what values would make it healthy?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just what we did.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't just want a dance event.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted a culture.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted something people could bring their families to, something open, something positive, something that wasn't built on politics.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And once you build on values, something interesting happens.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: You stop trying to impress, you start trying to serve.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's when real leadership begins.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about the practical side of leading without permission, because this can sound inspiring but vague.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what it looks like in real life.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like building the smallest version of what you wish existed.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need the perfect platform and you don't need a massive following either.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need everyone's approval, you just need a room, a rhythm, and a reason.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it started with a Monday night practice, then it became a monthly Grange Hall dance, then it became a community.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the part that's so important.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Consistency did what persuasion could not.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can't talk people into believing you're a leader forever.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: But when you show up consistently, when you create value consistently, when you hold your standards consistently, people feel that.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: They trust that.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you a framework you can use if you're in a rejection season right now.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the 4R redirect.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Recognize, reframe, rebuild, and repeat.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: First, let's talk about recognize.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you name what happened, honestly.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Here are a few examples.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was rejected.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was excluded?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get the opportunity.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't minimize it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't dramatize it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Just name it.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Reframe, ask what it reveals.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: What does this tell me about that culture?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: What values were missing?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: What might this be protecting me from?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: What might this be redirecting me toward?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuild.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Build the smallest version yourself.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not someday, not when you feel ready.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: One step, one room, one invitation, and one consistent rhythm, and then repeat the process.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do it again and again.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is where most people quit because they want momentum on day one.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: But momentum isn't a feeling.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Momentum is a pattern.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about tribe dynamics, because this is a big part of rejection and leadership.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: In any environment, you'll find a few types of people builders, observers, gatekeepers.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Builders help create.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Observers watch until it's safe.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Gatekeepers protect their control.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And in my experience, the rejection often comes from gatekeeping.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the danger.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you let gatekeepers define you, you'll spend your life auditioning.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is you will always be trying, uh striving for their approval, and may never get it at all.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Always proving, always performing, always trying to earn access.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Leading without permission means you stop auditioning, you start building.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And something else happens when you build.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your people find you.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone, but the right ones, the ones who resonate with your values, the ones who are tired of politics, the ones who want something healthier.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where your life starts changing, not just because you succeeded, but because you are surrounded by a different kind of culture.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to share something important with you, because there's one more moment in this story that I think is important for you to hear, because it touches on something special.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that something special is some people really care.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, some of the same people who excluded me showed up at our events.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was an incredible feeling, and it showed me that they really did care for me, maybe even secretively didn't like to see me get treated that way.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: It came full circle.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be careful how I say this because this is where people can slip into revenge energy.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is not to win so your critics feel stupid.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to build something real so you can be proud of who you became.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: When those people showed up, the moment wasn't, ha, look at me now.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: The moment was wow.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is what happens when you build with value and when you lead with values.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I would also say the other big part is forgiveness.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiving those who may have dissed you, rejected you, or even wronged you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because you see, if you have bitterness or offense in your heart, it just hurts you.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: They have most likely moved on and you're still stewing over it.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if at all possible, get over it.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Move on.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: It will help you move forward.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the deeper win.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's make this real for you.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because see, maybe your rejection has nothing to do with dance.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were passed over for a promotion.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you weren't included in a friend group.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you pitched an idea and got ignored.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you tried to join a team, a community, a church group, a business circle, and the door quietly closed.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to remember.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Rejection can be a clarifying thing.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, sure, rejection is painful, but it can also be clarifying.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: It can show you what you were willing to tolerate.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: It can expose what you truly value, and it can force you to build a life that fits you, something you do on your own, instead of trying to squeeze into someone else's system.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you do practically this week?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give you a simple leading without permission checklist.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing fancy, just real.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So first, number one, name the good thing you wanted.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Growth, belonging, opportunity, meaning, platform, community.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Two, name the values you want it to have.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy leadership, openness, integrity, welcoming culture, freedom from politics, excellence.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Three, identify the smallest version you can build.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: One meetup, one weekly practice, one project, one recurring dinner, one workshop, one I'll host it decision.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Four, invite two people.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not twenty people, just two.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can make sure these people are true builders as well.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: People who will show up.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, number five, set a rhythm and keep it for eight weeks.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's long enough for momentum to form and short enough to feel doable.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And let me say one more thing because this is where the emotional healing comes in.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Leading without permission is not about proving your worth.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's about refusing to abandon your calling just because someone else couldn't see it.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: They couldn't see your God given potential.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a secret it wasn't theirs to see to begin with.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, you will encounter mentors in your life from time to time, and when you do, appreciate and value every single moment.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Lean in and leverage their wisdom and more importantly, their encouragement.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have no mentors around you, you are left with taking action on your own.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's those times when you have to encourage yourself, but also have courage.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the best things in your life will start as a small act of courage.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: A decision to keep showing up, a decision to stay kind while being clear, a decision to build instead of beg.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can do that, rejection stops being the thing that breaks you.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes the thing that builds you.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your listener challenge.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Think of one door that closed, one rejection that still stings.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Write down what was the good thing I wanted underneath it?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask, what's the smallest version I can build this month?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And take one step in the next 24 hours.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: One message, one plan, one invitation, one decision.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the door that closes is simply making room for the one you're meant to open.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode spoke to you, would you share it with one person who's been feeling overlooked or shut out lately?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't yet, please follow or subscribe so you don't miss the next episode.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like to support the mission financially, you can make a small donation at AmazingLifebreakthrough.com.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every bit helps us keep this message going and helps someone else hear the breakthrough they needed right on time.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me on Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest.