Latest / Motivation Mindset Podcast / Cure Your Procrastination NOW – Nic Voge's Breakthrough on Self-Worth

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Cure Your Procrastination NOW – Nic Voge's Breakthrough on Self-Worth · Motivation Mindset Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Procrastination is a lot of different things, because there's lots
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: of different reasons, but it's mainly avoidance. At the first part,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: you might think, well, that's obvious. What's distinctive about procrastination
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: is it's actually avoidance of things that we want to
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: do or we think are valuable to us.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: That's the puzzle, right.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: So when someone says, Nick, I'm procrastinating from doing my taxes.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I hate it, and I explained it, and then somebody
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: else jumps in and says, well, that's dumb. They just
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: don't want to do it, I'd say, absolutely right. If
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: you don't want to do it and you don't do it,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's a puzzle that needs to be explained. However,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: many people procrastinate on things they value.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: They do not undertake tasks when they feel.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: An aversion to things that are they thing are really
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: important to them, even things they like, to things they
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: care about, and.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: They'll even be a pattern.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: The more they care about it, the more they feel
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: the pull to procrastinate.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: That's a puzzle.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Why is it that we resist doing the work or
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: undertaking the task, or doing the activity that would lead
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: to the outcomes that we value the most, what we
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: care about, that we want that would have material benefits,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: and all kinds of other things, Yet we can't get
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: ourselves to move that. Well, there's the fundamental dilemma that
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: people face that I think self ware theory helps to
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: unpack and unravel, so to speak. So I would argue
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: or selfware theory argues that this dilemma is if we're
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: going to demonstrate our worth, if we're going to achieve
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: something of significance. And again, this is an important fundamental
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: human need. Most people have a sense a desire to
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: achieve for themselves and be perceived as accomplished.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Right, it's fundamental human need.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: But to do that, that means I need to undertake tasks, activities,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: do things that are challenging.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: They're hard, right, Because if I do things that are easy.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: If I go down the street and I play basketball
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: with the local seven year olds and I dunk on
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: them all day, I don't get to say I'm the
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: greatest basketball player ever. That's too easy of a task,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: that doesn't really demonstrate my academic my athletic ability. So
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I must take on a hard task to demonstrate that I.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Have high ability.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Right, If I do easy task that does not demonstrate
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: that I have high ability that I've achieved. However, as
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: soon as I undertake a hard task, what have I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: introduced to this equation?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I could fail.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: So the dilemma is I have to navigate these two things.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: And then if I really care about something, if I
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: fail in an area that I really care about, then
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the attribution, the implication to myself is greater, right, because
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: this is the thing I really care about. It's not
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: like I got up on the karaoke and I sounded awful.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Well, so I'm not a I don't care. I'm not
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I'm not attached to that, or you.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Know, I made a terrible mess of that's that that
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: spaghetti that I made.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not a chef, you know whatever. I don't care.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: But when my identity is wrapped up in it, then what's.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: On the line is not only my performance, but myself,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: my self concept, and how other people precede me.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: We're monitoring often our status.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Relative to other people, particularly with respect to our abilities
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: and our achievements, and this is a signal, this is
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: a sign that these are very important things to human beings.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And on the one hand, they could be a positive
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: motivator toward achievement, towards goal that they can also lead
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: us to, as I said before, to protect to defend that,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: And one of the ways that we defend that is
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: we actually don't put in effort.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: So effort is double edged.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So if I want to protect my sense self as
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: able and capable, smart, intelligent, a great programmer, and I'm
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: up against a task that's going to test my ability
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: or I have doubts that I can do it, one
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: way to prevent the attribution to my ability is actually
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: to not work hard, or to not put it, not
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: to be systematic, or not to do my best effort,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: because then I have an excuse.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: So the argument in procrastination.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: For self our theories, we're often creating conditions that prevent
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: a clear, authentic, accurate assessment.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Of our ability, so that if we fail.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: We are we have an explanation. We have it, We
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: have a that's not about ability. Now, I often feel guilty, Oh,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that, I should have put more
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: time in, I shouldn't have procrastinated.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: We feel guilty, but in our society guilt.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Is more tolerable because if I try, if I put
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: all my effort in if I do everything I can.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: If I'm the Hermione granger at my at my workplace,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: and I do everything and then I fail, I don't
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: have an excuse. I don't have an explanation except that
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I am not able, and that evokes shame, and shame
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: is a more powerfully aversive feeling even than guilt. They
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: both feel bad, but shame, for most people is actually worse.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: It's rare that.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: A state of fear, worry, doubt, anxiety, ever is a
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: is either number one is actually as enjoyable. And ultimately,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: over long term, we cannot sustain that. Our physiology just
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: cannot sustain that, and therefore we are.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Cognition can't sustain that. And in fact, I think if.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: You look at people who achieve over a long period,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: they may have some sense of anxiety or stress.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: You know, Michael Jordan hated to.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Lose, but if you look at him when he's on
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: the field, and actually, if you watch that documentary that
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: someone says, you know what his greatest gift was to
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: be fully immersed in the moment, fully engaged, absorbed on
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: the court. He's not feeling hatred, he's trying, he's immersed
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: in his craft.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: And trying to maximize that.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: And so I do think that especially shame, but and
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: then fear of shame, that anxiety. Those are they can
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: motivate us in the sense that they give us energy
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: and they can distill a desire. But that fear is
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: not a condition, it's not a mental state to then
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: do our best work.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Right, so at once I'll fate of my students.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: You know, fear and calculus don't go very well together, right,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Like it's hard. Physics is hard, so you need to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: be optimally focused on the physics, not how do I look.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And if you're in a state of fear, then you're
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: just not operating cognitively as well.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: As you could.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: We see this anecdotally. There are people who work with
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: people around motivation and various interactions. So they'll say, okay,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: go out and experience rejection, every as much rejection as possible,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: and then we desensitize. Right if we haven't enough, after
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: a while, we just get used to it. Use the
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: word anything.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: People can get used to anything.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: So if you have enough rejection after a while, you
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: can lose the significance of that. You get a custom
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: to just the experience of failure and then that reduces
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: the power of the fear. I think there's some truth
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to that. I think there's other ways to do it.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to talk about three big ways.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: So one is.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Simply physiological, that the outcome of fear physiological is the
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: root of the problem. Cognitively, it actually is not a
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: bad state to be in if you're playing basketball or football,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: because you need to exert.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: A lot of energy.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: But it's not particularly cognitively demanding, right, So that's okay.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: But if you're trying to do something that's cognitively demanding
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: intellectually challenging, a state of fear simply isn't useful. However,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: we can actually manage the physiology of fear, and people
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: have developed that. So there's mindfulness practices, breathing. So just
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: one thing is even to know, oh, while I'm feeling
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: some anxiety, I have some dread in my gut. It's
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: gonna if I can stop. You know, if I'm looking
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: at my computer, it's not like I'm looking at a lion.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: You know, then you can you gotta run. But if
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I if it's the fear, is the empty page, or
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: how it's going to be evaluated. I can just stop,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: or I can take take a few minutes breathe, and
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: so I can work at at a purely physiological level.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ratchet down my physiological respawns and bring
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: it to neutral. So here's one thing I would say
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of people, they fear this thing, and then
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: go I'm gonna flip that switch one hundred and eighty
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: degrees from fear to joy. I think you got to
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: go through neutral first, right, If you're at negative one
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: and you want to get to one on the number line.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: You got to go through zero.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: So I tell people focus first on just calm, get
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: to get to zero. When we're in a state of fear,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: we tend to think certain things are we frame things,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: We look.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Our attention ghosts.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: We get very narrow and we think about the problems
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: and we evoke, oh, this is bad things gonna happen.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: So this is happening at a cognitive realm, right, and
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: it feeds. So we we fearful, and then we think
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: things that evoke fear and we narrow our focus. We're
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: not we narrow our focus. We're not thinking what are
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: all the possible ways to solve this problem. We're thinking,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: what's gonna happen if I don't solve this problem? And
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: so those are at odds.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: So again we.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Can there are certain kinds of tools that we can
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: use to intervene at the cognitive life, self talk, reframing,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: and again there's a lot of so those are new
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: technologies or if you will, are tools of the twentieth
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: and twenty first century. So cognitive behavioral therapy or cogni
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: behavioral training, journaling, explicating is lots of things, and then
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: there's another dimension, which is the emotional. It's kind of
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: in between them, So I think of this kind of
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: like a triangle. The top is a physiology, then there's
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: the affector of emotional, then there's the cognitive and they're interactive,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: and so the third dimension is emotional self regulation.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: So again mindfulness.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of practices that help us learn to
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: minimize our reactivity, one of which is simply the understanding
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: of how emotion works. We feel emotion typically very powerfully
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: at first, so if we were to map it as
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: a wave, it would be like a big jump, and
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: then it.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Slowly comes down.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And actually emotions don't last very long. I would say
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: that there's a number of ways that we can intervene
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: and deal with fear and fear of failure, and.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Those are something. There's even more, but I'll stop there.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: This idea that you should just sort of know your
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: passion and then you once you look at it, you
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: find it within like six or seven minutes or less,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: and then you do it. And I think it's this
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: conception that's mistaken, and then it leads people number one
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: to think I'm supposed to have my purpose mission. I
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: did not have it until my mid thirties. I was
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: gallivanting around. I mean, I you know, that's what I was.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: You know, that was okay.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: But when I got it, and then what's so I
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: had to be thoughtful about it, reflective about it. So
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I think number one of big ideas too, is just that, hey,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: the process doesn't work like that necessarily. Another point is,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you know, in some poays, if I get somebody who's
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: maybe not reflective and they say, you know, I've always
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: wanted to be.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: A doctor since I was five years old.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I'll say, oh, what other decisions did you make when
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: you were five years old that you are sticking to?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: What are the life decisions at five, are you.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Are you bound with? And they're like, oh, we hadn't
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: we thought of it that way, you know, And that's
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: not I don't. I don't. I don't like to be confrontational.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: That's not usually what I do. But on occasion I'll
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: do that. It's kind of pop people's.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean they can't answer it again. So
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: one thing I see is sometimes people are fearful of
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: considering something else because they think the answer is.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Going to be I don't want to be a doctor
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: or whatever.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: But actually it's much more important and actually much more
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: common that people, when they truly ask the question, they
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: say yes again with more verb and more power and
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: more purpose than they ever did, because how much purpose
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: can you.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Have as a five year old? And I think it's complicated.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of empathy for young people in
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: particular right now. It's with so much volatility and change
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: they get we you know, our society dumps on young
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: people a lot, you know, and they're living a world
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: they did not create.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: They did not create social media.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: We did. People my age created social media and we
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: made all the money off of it. And then we say, oh,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: you guys, you're influenced by social media and technology.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: What's wrong with you? Like, well, we did it, what
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: are you talking about?
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: There's lots of kinds of motivation. So motivation in one
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: level is a set of reasons. We can understand motivation
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: and a cognitive dimension the reasons why we do things,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: and the word reason suggests rational cognition at least, and
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: the realm of thought.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: We have drives too. These are physiological. We have a
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: drive to be secure. We have to be safe. We
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: have a drive to avoid fear.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Are fearful eventsls are versions, and then motivations are emotional,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: like we have beliefs and values, inspirations, and inspiration is
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: often sort of a thought feeling right. So for me,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: motivation is all these dimensions, and sometimes we can even
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: offload motivation.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: It can be social, right, we're part of a team.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I think we never work as hard as when we're
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: part of a team. You know, individually, it's harder to
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: get work out, for instance, down in the gym if
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: you're by yourself, then with someone else, or you run
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: faster or harder. So there's all these different dimensions from
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: my point of view of motivation. There are a few
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: organizing principles that might bring some order to that, and
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I'm happy to share those. But for me, motivation is
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: multidimensional and it has all these different components.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: And that's both the challenge in trying to sort.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: That out because sometimes the motivations are in opposing directions, right,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: they're countervailing. But I also you know, to put optimistic
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: spin on it. That also means there's lots of opportunities
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to intervene motivationally.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Right. If there's all these.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Different things, I can think about which ones work well
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: for me? Or hey, that didn't work, let me try
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: another thing in the cognitive realm, or let me try
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: an affective dimensions. Human beings are powerfully driven to find.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: And pursue meaning in their lives.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: So meaning means a lot of things, but significance purpose.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: A lot of times, the meaning is certainly personal, it's
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: about my own growth, my relations to others, but it's
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: often social, so we a lot of people's drives and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: meanings actually often.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Come back to a social impact.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: They want to make some change in the world benefits
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: some others bring some value, and that suggests the value
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: out there is often connected to values in us. So
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: looking inward and then mapping that outward outwardly into the
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: world and seeing where is some resonance, what's the connection.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: There's some other things to consider in terms of finding
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: our mission and purpose.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: It seems to me it's it's.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Possible, I think, to work in a realm where you
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: don't feel like you're succeeding and they say, Okay, I
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: really want to do that.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: I'm motivated. At its value. I want to be a
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: musician and I'm new musician. Music brings joy to people,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: and I want to do that.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: But I'm not musical, So I could do that, but
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I would probably be frustrated at some point. So I
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: do think that some capacity and skill we do know
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: that for a sense of well being in positive regard
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: and how we feel about ourselves, which is crucial to motivation,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: we need to feel good. We need to have a
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: sense of achievement that is human and no, I don't
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: think anybody should apologize for that. We want to achieve.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: That's part of being a human being too. So I
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: think some combination right where we have meaning and purpose
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: that's connected to our values, some impact on the social world,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: some sense that we can be effective achieve in that
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: realm I think are important. I think it's a kind
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: of coherence like that what I do reflects what I
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: care about. And they're not perfect, that's not the world
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: we live in, not perfectly aligned. But there is enough
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: overlap or enough alignment that I can feel good about that.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: But what are your genuine motivations? And let's dig as
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: deeply as possible and let's find the most powerful ones
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and then attach this activity to those powerful motivations that
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: you have. So another way to say that is what
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: is your motivational I'm going to help you articulate.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: That, surface it, articulate it, write it out.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: And then what I can do is then we talk
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: about what are methods and techniques to bring those motivations
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: into your mind and body when you need them?
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Right? How do you do that? What are the techniques?
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: When do you need them? When's the point when you
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: feel low motivation? When do you do you not do that?
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Need them?
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's be creative. How could you do this by
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: certain messages? So how do you use your phone actually
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to remind you of your motivations instead of to remind
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: you of your tasks? How could you interact socially? Can
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: you create a social network that supports your motivation. Are
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: their routines and rituals that you could bring in that
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: are folks on motivation and your motivation? So and then
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: you know, then there's other layers. Then we might shift
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: to okay, what are the obstacles to your lead? Right,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: because there's one thing to talk about all the positives
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: and align those. And then we might want to say, well,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: what gets in the way? What are the obstacles that
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: are particular ways of thinking? So this is something I
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: do lot with people, is I listen very carefully, and
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'll notice that they talk, and you've probably heard this,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: they talk in a certain way when they're reporting out
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: their self talk.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: They actually shift tones. And then they said something like
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: and then I said to myself, but but and they
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: actually talk a little bit different.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: And I listen and if I hear people say the
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: same phrase multiple times, I'll say, hey, that sounds.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Kind of weird.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: But do you actually hear yourself saying that? Are you
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: talking to your saying.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Yourself that phrase?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And they'll say, oh yeah, I said, well what is that?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: What's the effect of that talk? And then we work
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: on that. So this is then we're digging in. Okay, well,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: what's is that a true statement?
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's mostly true. Okay, so it's a true statement.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: What's another true statement that would actually help you move
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: forward and tap in your motivation.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: It's also true.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not pretending by that way you could replace that
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: other statement. So that statement is true, but it prevents
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you or exposes an obstacle to attaining your goal. It
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: kind of leads you to, Oh, I could do it on,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I can do it on, I can do it later.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: That's a common one. I could do it later, true,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: but not helpful. So let's find another one.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: A simple obvious one is I could do it later,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: but if I do it now, I'll have more free
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: time later. All human beings are motivated powerfully, primarily ultimately.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: By a desire, a need to.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Feel able and capable, and in the context of work
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: that might be be skilled. I'm a good documentarian, I'm
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: a great basketball player.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: In school that can be.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I'm a brilliant mathematician. I've always been told I'm the
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: great writer. I'm I think like a real scientist, whatever
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: that would be.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: And so this idea is.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: That our self concept and how we're perceived by others
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: motivates our actions to a great deal. And so selfware
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: theory adds, doesn't replace, but it adds to other frameworks
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: of motivation. So another big idea in psychologies approach versus
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: avoidance motiv motivations. Right, So incentives rewards, they pull us,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: they propel us.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Towards something, but punishments.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Repel us, they push us away from things, right, And
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: so that's operating too. And then another dimension of motivation
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: that I work from that contributes or is thought of
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: through software theory is intrinsic motivations versus extrinsic motivations. So
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: extrinsic motivations often include this piece where somebody is appraising
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: us or judging us, looking at not only our performance,
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: but then the attribution to our ability. So you can
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: see that anything that's extrinsic and is evaluated by others
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: can easily evoke in us feelings thoughts of being judged,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: and then we the natural reactions, try to protect.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: Against that, to defend against that.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: So at the one level, it's what are your powerful motivations,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: but what are the self talk, what are the habits?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: What's in your environment? Do you every time you open
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: up your computer, does a thought pop into your head?
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I wonder if I have an email. That's a lot
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: of people do that. I do that, and that can
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: easily take us away from why we open up our laptop.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: To begin with, and then get us down a rabbit
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: hole of links and reading and busy work instead of rod.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I was gonna write my business proposal, and every time
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I do it, I open up my computer and I'm
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: drawn away.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: So but it may not be Maybe something else