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46. figuring out your 20s... discovering your true identity · Hot Girl Energy Podcast

0:13
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of the Hawkgirl Energy Podcast.
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I'm your host, Kaylee, and this is your weekly reminder that it's a
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new day, a new week, a new mindset, and another day for
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you to become the Hawkgirl Energy you want to attract. Hello you guys,
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Happy Wednesday, July fifth. Today is July fourth. I'm obviously recording this
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episode the day before it's posted, but I hope you guys had an amazing
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long weekend if you are from Canada or if you're from the States, and
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if you didn't have a long weekend, I hope you had an amazing summer
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weekend. So I really wanted to touch on figuring out your twenties because I
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feel like people don't talk about this enough about navigating yourself in your twenties and
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being in your twenties can be difficult. There can be times where you feel
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lost, there can be times where you feel like you can't discover your identity,
1:11
and everybody goes through it, and that's just the reality. I feel
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like some people may not be open about that too, but I know for
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a fact that everybody has a period of time in their life where they feel
1:22
lost and they don't know what to do with their life, and it's normal
1:26
and people need to normalize that. And so I thought we could talk about
1:30
an episode about discovering your twenties, like how to figure it out and how
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to discover your true identities. So that's what today's episodes going to be about.
1:42
But I wanted to quickly touch on Canada Day weekends, So I hope
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you guys had a great long weekends. For me, I spent my days
1:53
at a cottage just relaxing. I totally stayed off social media. I decided
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to take a break from being on all social platforms including TikTok, YouTube,
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Instagram. Like just took a full on break and enjoyed my time at my
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best friend's cottage. It was so so fun, It was so so relaxing.
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We literally just chilled by the water. We're in a tube floating in
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the lake, and we played a bunch of games, like we did this
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Summer Olympics thing where we did two different teams, and we did tug a
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War, we did flip Cup. We played this game called Tipsy Waiter where
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it's you spin. It's kind of like dizzy bat if you guys know,
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dizzy bat. You spend ten times and then your partner gives you a tray
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with glasses of water on it, and you have to walk to the jar,
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which is I don't know, let's say ten feet away, and you
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have to actually maybe twenty feet away, definitely more than ten feet and you
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have to walk and you're obviously dizzy, and try and pour as much water
2:53
as you can that didn't spill from your tray. So anyways, it was
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really really fun just playing some games and being outdoors and the there was beautiful,
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and yeah, it was a really really good weekend. There was a
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small hiccup that I kind of kept low key on social media just because I
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didn't want to bring it up. It's not necessary. Freddie's okay, and
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that's all that matters. But yeah, it was kind of a scary moment
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this weekend for Zach and I. We went to another cottage this weekend and
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Freddie interacted with another dog that was a pit bull. And nothing wrong with
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pit bulls. I've had really nice pit bulls and this one was a very
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nice pit bull. It just Freddie and him didn't get along very well,
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and the dog, unfortunately kind of got a little aggressive with Freddie and we
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had some yelping and I had to be super mom and two guys pulled the
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pit bull off Freddie and I had to grab him and just want to all
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you guys know that Freddie is fine. That's all that matters. He does
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have a small bite mark on his neck that is slightly infected that we had
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to rush him to the vet. But there's no hard feelings towards the owners
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or the dog, like very good terms, like I'm actually friends with the
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girl. It just the dogs unfortunately didn't get along and it was probably one
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of the scariest moments of my life, not gonna lie definitely. Like I
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said, there's no no worry for me to share it on social media,
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but I thought I would share it here just because it's something that I wanted
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to kind of get off my chest with you guys. I always try and
4:28
be open with you guys and tell you guys the truth about everything. But
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Freddie is okay. That's all that's important to me. We brought him to
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the VET a day after it happened, just because of the holiday, nothing
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was open. We could have rushed him to the emergency but because it wasn't
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like a severe injury, we didn't think it was necessary to go to an
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emergency vet, so we ended up getting in with our vet and yeah,
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he's going to be fine. He just has a little cut on his neck,
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but all is good. And yeah, I just want you guys to
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send positive vibes to Freddy. I'm just really hoping like he doesn't have any
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trauma to future dogs. That's my little concern about like bigger dogs, because
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I think the reason why Freddie felt uncomfortable with this dog was because he doesn't
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interact with many bigger dogs, like he's typically around other Golden Doodles, smaller
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dogs like all my friends have, like dogs under thirty pounds like no more.
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So yeah, so he's always around smaller dogs, so I think it
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just kind of scared him being around a bigger dog. And I'm just happy
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we were able to get a hold of this situation and nothing severe happened,
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you know. So anyways, I just want to get off my chest because
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you know, even though I can say the weekend was perfect, and you
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know, I posted a bunch of stuff from the weekend, it was,
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but there also was a mini flaw that I didn't choose to share, but
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I thought I would share with you guys here just because you guys are my
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family and I'm always open with you guys. So yeah, I just wanted
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to touch on that and just have you guys prayed from your little Freddie and
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just hope for a little speedy recovery and just hope that the bite mark heels
6:08
perfectly. But anyways, let's get into this episode. I just want to
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quickly touch about that, just with stuff going on in my personal life,
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but let's get into this episode about figuring out your twenties and just discovering your
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true identity. So, as I said, being in your twenties can be
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a really awkward time in your life because sometimes you might feel like you've lost
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yourself, like who am I? You know? Am I going down the
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right career path? Am I? You know? In the right relationship?
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Like things that you you know, don't know if it's supposed to be on
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the right track, if it's supposed to be on the right path for you
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for your future. And it's normal. As I said, people need to
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normalize it more that your twenties can be difficult, and you know, I
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find a lot of people find ways to find themselves by you know, maybe
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going back to school, or some people take breaks from school and decide to
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go to work straight away and not even go to college or university. And
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some people like to travel and try and figure out their life that way by
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you know, escaping and just you know, enjoying a few months away and
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then coming back and realizing what you want to do and you know, discover
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your true self. So everybody has their own way of kind of figuring out
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their own identity. You're figuring out their twenties in terms of like how do
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I figure out what I want to do with my life essentially? Right,
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And so there's also times where people sometimes are in relationships and then you know
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their partner and them break up because they're having a hard time figuring out who
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they really are. Right. There's people who you know are in a serious
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relationship and then realize, you know, eight years into it, it's like
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I don't know who I am, Like I don't know if you're right for
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me, I don't know if I'm feeling good about our situation. I feel
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like I need to figure out myself before I commit to someone else in a
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relationship. Right. So there's a lot of challenges that people can face during
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their twenties, and these are some of the factors that I think can influence
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you discovering your true self. One of them, as I said, is
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being relationships. Sometimes it can be hard when you're constantly with your partner and
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you're starting a light together. You know, you're talking about your future and
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all that, and if you're constantly doing things with that other person and you
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know, planning everything with that person, it's going to be hard to discover
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your true self. Like you need to be able to create that balance between
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you know, being on your own verse being in your relationship. So kind
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of what I touched on in our last episode, which is about you know,
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spending more alone time and taking yourself more on solo dates. I feel
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like you need to figure out yourself, especially if you want to have a
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healthy relationship with your partner. You shouldn't have to rely on your partner for
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everything when it comes to plans, when it comes to things that you want
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to do together in your life, Like obviously it's important to have goals in
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your relationship. Like obviously Zach and I we have talked about having kids,
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we've talked about. I mean, we're getting married obviously, so we both
9:01
want that commitment of you know, being together forever and all that. So
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it's that's all great. But Zach and I have also created that balance of
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you know, doing our own hobbies and doing our own thing and finding out
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our own career paths and all that. Like we didn't you know, do
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the same career together, Like we are doing our own thing. We have
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grown into our own person. And for those who are new to me and
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my partner, Zach, we have been together for ten years. So we've
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been together since we were sixteen, so we have literally grown up together,
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Like from sixteen to twenty seven, there was so much growth in that relationship.
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To go from high school to you know, having our own career paths
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and you know, buying a house together and just having more adult responsibilities,
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right, Like, that is a huge period of growth, and we were
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able to grow into our own person. And I think that's so important.
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I feel like it could have been you know, definitely in issue if we
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didn't allow each other to discover our true identity, if we didn't allow each
10:05
other to grow as individual people, the relationship may have not worked, So
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just know that it's important to allow yourself to figure out yourself by separating yourself
10:16
from your partner and being able to do the things that you you know generalely
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want to do for yourself, whether it's figuring out your career or whether it's
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traveling a bit, Like, don't feel like you have to rely on your
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partner, especially when it comes to travel. You could travel anywhere you want
10:30
by yourself. You could go to Europe for a month and go to Australia
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for two months. Like, don't feel like you constantly need to everything with
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your partner. You should be able to do things on your own because that's
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what creates a healthy relationship. Another factor that can influence you discovering your true
10:46
self is a desire to fit in. So you want to fit in with
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your friends, or you've had this desire to become this person based off social
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media, Like, you're going to have a hard time discovering your true self
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if you or living for others and not for yourself. It's hard to discover
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yourself if you're easily influenced by others or social media. You can't have this
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desire to fit in with your friends or you know, based off the social
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media, like you're trying to be like someone else that you see that you
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admire. Like at the end of the day, you are your own person.
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You can't just look at an influencer and try and copy her in whole
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entire life because that's not going to work. You need to do what works
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for you. So for an example, we all know that saying where it
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says if your friend dropped off the bridge, would you and if you're jumping
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off the bridge with them just because you're trying to please everybody or because you
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want to fit in with your friend, but you generally don't want to jump
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off a cliff because you're scared of heights. Like that, right there is
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a prime example as to you're not doing something for yourself, you're doing something
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to fit in, You're doing something to please everybody else, And that kind
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of goes in with the next factor, which is pleasing others. You just
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always want to make others happy. You want to make your loved ones happy,
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and you're having a hard time realizing if you're making yourself happy, Like
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you need to know if you're genuinely happy or not with the things that you're
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doing in your life. Like, for an example, if you have a
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parent that has been wanting to push you to go to college and become a
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doctor. Let's say, but you don't want to become a doctor. You
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want to go straight to work and work in tech sales. Let's say that
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is something obviously completely opposite to going down the medical route. But if that's
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generally something that makes you happy, that is something that you should pursue.
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If you feel like the medical path isn't for you, but you feel the
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force from your parents and you feel this desire to please them because they're the
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ones telling you what to do, Like, you need to be able to
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create that separation where it's like, I need to do these things for myself.
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I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions, and if I
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want to have a happy life and enjoy my own happy I need to do
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what's best for me and what works for me. So you really need to
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realize that for yourself. Is that are you pleasing others or are you doing
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this because you genuinely want to do that for yourself? And so now we
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get into the topic of how do we discover our true identity? How do
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we figure out ourselves, like how do we want to live our life?
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And so, as I mentioned before, spending time alone. You need to
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prioritize your alone time. As I said, whether that's running errands, going
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on a coffee day, doing anything by yourself, it helps you discover your
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own identity. If I did everything was Zack, Oh my god, I'm
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just laughing because like life would be chaotic if I did everything with him,
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it just wouldn't help me discover who I am. And don't get me wrong,
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I felt like there was a period in my life, especially in the
13:48
beginning stage of a relationship. You're so in love you just always want to
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be together. And Zach and I had that phase in our life where we
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were constantly seeing each other every single day, like wouldn't leave each other's side.
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And I get that, you're crazy and love and you just want to
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be with your partner. You separate yourself from your friends. You just again
14:07
want to spend every wagging moment with that one person, but realize that that's
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not healthy. You need to be able to allow your loane time, allow
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your time with your friends and all that. You need to create that separation
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where you're able to do things for yourself as well as things with your partner.
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Another thing is making your own choices. So this kind of goes hand
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in hand with the example of your parents really want you to go down a
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specific career path, but you feel like that's not for you, so you
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need to figure out things that genuinely bring you happiness. It's definitely easy to
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be influenced by others, but we need to realize that those people are doing
14:46
what works for them. And it's great to have, for example, influencers
14:52
on social media who are able to influence you to live a kind of lifestyle
14:56
that you desire to live for and all that, but realize that you can't
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become that exact person and everything they do and everything they buy and all that.
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Like, at the end of the day, you need to create your
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own life and you need to be able to figure out what makes you genuinely
15:09
happy. So, for an example, for me, I felt like when
15:13
I was in my early twenties, I felt like I felt pretty lost.
15:18
And I've definitely opened up with you guys about this about my career. I
15:22
felt like I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.
15:26
I you know, wanted to be successful at what I did in my life,
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and the job that I was at, it just wasn't bringing me joy.
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It wasn't bringing me happiness. I felt like, I, you know,
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applied for the job just to have a job, Like I finished college.
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I have a job, great, but it's not something that I enjoyed.
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And so I, you know, always make goals for myself in the
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new year. You guys know that it's something that I always tried to do.
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And one goal that I wrote down for myself was to figure out a
15:58
new career path that brings me joy. And I always knew that social media
16:02
was something I loved, creating content, editing videos, all that, and
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so that's when I decided to take the initiative and try and make a career
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out of that. And I was very blessed and very thankful to be able
16:15
to now call that my full time career. And they are so beyondhappy for
16:18
me, and they definitely see how much joy it brings me, and I'm
16:22
happy that they're able to support me in that career choice. But in the
16:26
beginning of going to school and all that, they definitely pushed me to go
16:30
down a career choice that I personally didn't think was for me. So in
16:34
the beginning, my mom pushed me to go down the business route when I
16:38
generally wanted to get into like interior design, like I've always loved designing spaces,
16:44
home spaces, all that, and my mom pushed me to do business.
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And it's not like I regret doing business. I think business is probably
16:51
the best decision I made for schooling because it opens so many doors up for
16:55
my future, whether I want to start my own interior design business or start
17:00
my own business now with me being an influencer, like, I do not
17:03
regret doing it. I'm happy my mom pushed me. But at that time
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in my life, I felt like I was doing something for my parents.
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I felt like I felt forced to go down that schooling path, and I
17:15
genuinely wanted to be an interior designer, like that was something that I enjoyed
17:19
doing. But as I said, like, sometimes your parents can be right
17:23
about certain situations. But at that time, I did feel lost because I
17:27
was like, I don't think this is what I want to do. But
17:30
knowing that I have that diploma now down the business industry definitely will help me
17:34
out in the future. So obviously, sometimes your parents can be right.
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But in that situation and at that time, I definitely felt a little loss
17:42
and just unsure what I wanted to do. But again I went with my
17:47
guts and decided to follow a career path that genuinely brings me joy and happiness.
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And what makes you good at a career is when you love what you
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do. Like, if you don't love what you do, then you're not
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going to be good at it. It's just the reality. Like seeing my
18:02
fiance Zach, like he loves being an electrician and he's you know, getting
18:07
promoted to other positions because he loves what he does, like he wants to
18:11
work hard towards that and he wants to strive to be the best in the
18:15
same For me, I love what I do. I love being able to
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create content for you guys, and you know, create different types of content
18:22
like podcasting, YouTube, TikTok all that and being able to do that every
18:29
single day brings me so much joy. So figure out what brings you joy,
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because that's what's going to make you more and more successful in life.
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I honestly believe that, because if you're not happy with what you do in
18:41
life, you're not going to be successful at it. It's just the reality.
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Okay. The next one about discovering your true self is knowing your strength
18:48
and weaknesses. Try to figure out what are you good at, what are
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you not so good at. Also figuring out things that you're good at could
18:56
also be like hobbies and activities or careers and goals. Like when I think
19:00
of hobbies and activities, like I think of the sports that I grew up
19:03
playing, Like I haven't played soccer in like five years, right, and
19:06
I recently got back into it this summer, and that was something I was
19:11
really good at, And that's what's something that brings me happiness. When I
19:12
think about, you know, trying a new sport. Typically I beat myself
19:18
up for because I'm like, I don't enjoy doing certain sports, and especially
19:23
when you're not good at it, you just don't want to do it right.
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So kind of think of that example where it's like, figure out things
19:30
like hobbies and activities that bring you joy, because doing your strengths and discovering
19:37
your strengths, we'll bring you closer to discovering your true self. I love
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this next one about discovering your identity is accept who you are, love yourself
19:48
for you. Do not be hard on yourself. Don't compare yourself to others
19:52
based on other people's strengths. Everyone has different strengths. You need to realize
19:56
again what I said, which was discovering your own strengths and love and be
20:02
grateful for those strengths that you do have. We criticize ourselves all the time.
20:06
It's just the reality, and we need to start looking at the positives
20:10
in our life and be more grateful for the things that we have. We
20:12
are all unique in our own way, and we need to accept that everyone's
20:17
going to have different interests. Like when I look at me and my sister,
20:19
we are both very different, and I feel like when I was younger,
20:23
I always wanted to be like her in certain ways. Like Madison is
20:30
very very BookSmart, like I'm talking like bio chem like in her master's at
20:36
university all that. Like I was never a strong school person, Like I
20:42
didn't love school. I just was never really good at it when it came
20:45
to like science, when it came to math, it just wasn't my strong
20:49
suit. I was always good at creativity, And obviously that kind of makes
20:53
sense with my career bath now, but I was always jealous of Madison being
20:57
so smart, and that was something that I always beat myself up for,
21:02
was why wasn't I like her? Why wasn't I able to be good at
21:06
science or be good at math? And I finally discovered who I was as
21:11
I grew up and realized what my strengths were and created something for myself like
21:17
a career. As I said, that brings up my creativity that I'm good
21:21
at. So it's hard to figure out who we truly are if we don't
21:23
accept ourselves. So it's important to know that people are going to have different
21:29
strengths, different weaknesses, different interests, and that we need to be able
21:33
to figure out ourselves by focusing on the strengths and doing what works best for
21:41
you. Okay, this next one's actually kind of interesting and I've never done
21:45
this before, but this is something I definitely wouldn't mind trying. Is taking
21:48
a personality test. You can definitely do it online. I have no idea
21:52
if they'd be for free or if you'd have to pay something, but I
21:56
definitely think that would help you figure out some key attributes about yourself that you
22:00
may not know about yourself. Right. So I'm definitely not opposed to trying
22:04
that myself. I've never done it before, but I definitely think it opens
22:08
up the door for really trying to figure out yourself and trying to figure out
22:14
what might work best for you. Another one is discovering your values and goals.
22:19
You guys know how important writing down goals is to me. I love
22:25
writing down goals on a monthly basis. I feel like that's what drives my
22:30
mindset, is having goals every single month. But I didn't have goals,
22:33
I wouldn't feel motivated to accomplish things in my life. That makes sense.
22:37
I feel like I've always been a driven individual, but when I have these
22:41
goals, these goals are to better myself. Know that writing these goals down
22:45
for yourself is all about becoming the best to you, And I feel like
22:49
if I didn't write goals for myself, I wouldn't be, you know,
22:53
becoming a better version of myself essentially. So I highly highly recommend every single
22:59
month to write down goals to yourself and your values that you know you want
23:03
for yourself each month, and then also be able to write down the things
23:08
that you can improve on because nobody's perfect. We all know that, and
23:11
it's important to you know, write down the things that you think you could
23:15
be better at for your future because at the end of the day, as
23:18
I said, nobody's perfect. And if there's ways that you can improve on
23:22
your life in general and improve on yourself, then that's what's going to help
23:27
you become and discover your true self. Another thing when it comes to discovering
23:32
your own values is your friendships. And sometimes there's things that your friends are
23:37
going to do that you may not necessarily want to do, or there's things
23:41
that you value that you know your friends don't, or there's things that your
23:45
friends do that you know you don't want to do, and that's okay.
23:48
Like, don't make it seem like your friendship is over just because your friends
23:52
want to do one thing and you don't. At the end of the day,
23:55
sometimes it works, you know, depending on how severe the situation is.
23:59
If your friends are really doing something that you truly don't value, then
24:02
maybe they're not true friends, maybe they're not friends that you should be around.
24:06
But if there's certain things that you know your friends want to do that
24:08
you don't want to do, that's okay. Because at the end of the
24:11
day, that helps you discover more and more about yourself and it allows you
24:15
to figure out who you really are. Okay. Lastly is something that I
24:19
recently started this year, which you guys know, is going to therapy.
24:22
It's amazing how much you can discover about yourself when you're speaking to someone you
24:29
know that you don't have a strong connection with, but you build a connection
24:33
with over time. But you're able to discover yourself by saying these things that
24:37
you're thinking out loud. You know, we keep so much in that we
24:41
don't want to say out loud, maybe to your family or to your partner.
24:45
And having a therapist who you know is professional at what they do,
24:51
like this is what they do for their living. They know how to help
24:53
you through those tough times. And being able to speak your own truth and
24:57
say what is bothering you or say how you're feeling and saying how you know
25:02
figuring out yourself in a way as well is so so important to have that
25:07
type of person in your life. And so going to therapy is so normal.
25:11
It should be so normal. It should feel okay, you should be
25:14
open to other people about going to therapy. Shouldn't be ashamed of going to
25:18
therapy. It is so normal and it is so healthy for you. I
25:22
feel like I've get into such a healthier relation with myself, a healthier relationship
25:26
with other people, and knowing that I'm getting that extra help through difficult times
25:30
or through you know, times where you just want to talk to someone about
25:34
your life and get their professional opinion about certain things. It is so so
25:41
important. So if you feel like you've been, you know, in a
25:45
situation where you feel lost and you feel like you might need to talk to
25:48
someone, going to therapy should be your number one priority in my opinion.
25:53
So those are just some key things that I wanted to mention about discovering your
25:56
true identity. I think at the end of the day, everybody goes through
26:00
a rough patch in their twenties and sometimes through your fifties and sometimes through your
26:06
forties. Like you're going through so many different phases in your life, and
26:11
it's there's so much change and you don't know how to adapt to change.
26:14
There's so many things that come in your life that you need to kind of
26:17
rediscover for yourself and just know that's the reality. People are going to go
26:22
through times in their life where it's hard and you need to be able to
26:25
figure out your true self. And like I said, sometimes people don't figure
26:27
out their true self to their thirty or two their forty, like it really
26:32
depends. But as long as you take the right action and figure out ways
26:36
to become a better you, it's so so important to take some of the
26:41
things that I said to help you discover your true self by getting the help
26:45
that you need or doing the things that can help you become your best self
26:51
and love yourself for you. So thank you guys, so so much for
26:55
it listening to another episode, You guys know I'd love you all so much.
26:57
I hope you guys liked this episode. The next episode is going to
27:02
be a Q and A So I'm going to ask you guys questions on our
27:06
Instagram on the hoc WORL Energy podcast, So make sure to check our description
27:10
to follow us on our Instagram. I'd love to hear your questions. I
27:14
think it's going to be more about living a healthier lifestyle, so just questions
27:18
on how you want to strive to have that type of lifestyle. So definitely
27:22
make sure to follow us on our instagram if you guys want to follow the
27:26
host Kaylee me. I will have my Instagram, my TikTok, and my
27:29
YouTube linked down below. But I'd love you guys all so much. Thank
27:33
you for listening to another episode, and I will see you guys next week