Latest / Harder Than Life / 46: True Grit & Grace w/ Amberly Lago

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46: True Grit & Grace w/ Amberly Lago · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  I've been looking forward to this since May 4th. That is the day we get to know each other in our meeting, but it's cut short. Today's guest, Amberly Lago, is the definition of a badass and it will come out immediately. This woman is resilient, beautiful, tough, and hopeful. I seriously can't come up with enough superlative adjectives to discuss this woman other than buckle up because you're in for a treat.
• 0:39
  Let me first tell you what she's done. She is a peak performance coach, TEDx speaker, podcaster, and a leading expert in the field of resilience and transformation. She is the best-selling author of True Grit and Grace and the founder of the Unstoppable Life Mastermind. Through her book, Coaching Methods and Masterminds, she's curated unique tools to teach others how to tap into their superpower of resilience and elevate their lives and businesses. Welcome to the show, my dear friend, Amberlee Lagoe.
• 1:11
  I am so happy to be here with you. Thank you so much for that awesome introduction. You rock, seriously. So happy to be with you and your energy is contagious. And I know that's why so many people listen to your podcast because you
• 1:30
  They love your energy and that's why I was drawn to you. So I'm grateful to be here and happy and excited to share. My intention is to share some tips and tools on how to be resilient, give people some hope and inspiration to keep moving forward no matter what. You're beautiful inside and out. You never went to college, yet your daughter graduated from Yale.
• 1:57
  Yeah, can you believe it? Yep. Can you believe it? We're going to talk deep into it. How does it feel to be the one that broke the chains of abuse? Yeah, it's a lot. It was a lot. There is a lot of...
• 2:17
  I think deep core things that come from, especially from being abused sexually by my stepfather. And then going from that to being an abusive marriage, my first marriage. And it makes you feel.
• 2:39
  unworthy. It breaks your spirit. It can break your spirit. And it's up to us to really find the ways, the tools, the therapy to do the things, to build up our self-worth and to get into our own power again. And, you know, I, I, I even had some
• 3:04
  unworthiness I can share that when I did my TED talk, that when like the credits rolled, the website was live and it was like, okay, here it is. And I was the only speaker that was speaking at the TEDx Berkeley event, which was a huge event. It was their 10 year anniversary event.
• 3:31
  And I was the only speaker that didn't have a PhD. And I remember getting on the call with a curator and I was like, you know, I know we're not here to promote books and I'm not trying to promote my book or anything. But is there any way that maybe you could put like that I'm an author or I'm a coach or anything like some initials after my name? And she goes, are you feeling good?
• 4:01
  like intimidated by this. And I'm like, yeah, actually I am. And my husband pointed out that I'm the only person that doesn't have a PhD. And she goes, you know what? We are having you speak at our event because you have a PhD in heart.
• 4:20
  And that's why we want you on our stage. And that changed everything for me. It really shifted my perspective of, you know, we don't always have like college credentials or a Ph.D.
• 4:37
  But we have our own life experience, as do you. And that's why so many people are drawn to you and they love to listen to your show, is because you have this experience. And so that really changed everything for me and allowed me to go, okay, well, I don't have college credentials and I don't have a PhD, but I do have some heart.
• 5:06
  And I will be willing to pour into anybody with all of my heart that I can. So we left off at your daughter graduated from Yale. What did she, what was her degree in? Medicine. Oh, so you had. She's still there.
• 5:26
  Okay, so you were at, and he's speaking of at a TEDx talk, and you didn't have a PhD, but she's going to have an MD, and I don't think there's any coincidence there, but I would tell you, Amberlee, the little I know you, and man, I would believe you would think that would be...
• 5:44
  awesome. You being the only one there. I know you to be the, the, the, the road, less traveled woman, the gritty. Yes, I am different than everybody else. Cause look at you, you, we're going to get deep into, into it. And that's where I'm going to hand off to is what is your story and why does your story matter? Well, you know, and it's interesting because I asked my daughter, my oldest daughter, I was like, what, what?
• 6:15
  do you think inspired you to go into the medical field? And, and she said, mom, you did, you going through 34 surgeries and everything that you went through. And it just, there's parts of me where honestly, it breaks my heart. When I look at videos of her sitting there, just,
• 6:44
  like massaging my foot because I was in this horrible accident. But, you know, I had this great fitness career. And why I can appreciate your muscles so much is because I was in the fitness industry for 26 years. And,
• 7:03
  And I think that how you do one thing is how you do everything. And so I see the way that you work. And I'm like, I have so much respect for you, by the way. But...
• 7:17
  Like for me, when I was in the fitness industry and I was at the top of my game and I was sponsored by Nike and I was in Health Magazine and Shape Magazine. And I was like, if you went to any CVS or Walgreens, you would look at these vitamins on the shelves and you would see my picture on the vitamin labels.
• 7:45
  And that all shifted very quickly in the blink of an eye when I was hit by an SUV coming home from work one day. I was on my motorcycle and I got T-boned. I'm laughing because of your motorcycle. Just, of course, it could have been an invisible jet, but it was a motorcycle because you're such a badass.
• 8:08
  Yeah, you know, well, I've always been kind of a tomboy and grew up on dirt bikes. This was my second Harley, and I loved riding motorcycles. In fact, it's so funny, when I first met my husband, we've been together for like 18 years now, our first date, he was like, so I ride a motorcycle, right?
• 8:37
  And I'm like, oh, really? I do, too. And he goes, really? Well, show me your Class M1 motorcycle license. And I'm like, okay, well, here you go. Here's my Class M1. And he's like, well, I have a gun. And I'm like, I do, too. I'm from Texas.
• 9:00
  And he's like, and I swear that was when he was like, I'm marrying this chick because she rides a motorcycle and she's got a gun. And so I'm sorry. You may have lost a lot of followers right now. This podcast that I said that those words right now. But that's the truth. That's that's me. Um.
• 9:22
  Are you, hold on a second. Are you kidding me? I have two Harleys and I got tons of guns. So no, you fit right in girl. Come on. Good, good, good, good. Okay, good. See, I knew we were kindred spirits. I knew it. I can't wait to hug you. I just, I feel your energy through the, through the computer. I love you. We're going to have a blast together.
• 9:45
  I'm going to, I'm going to give you a little bit of a nudge. Cause you were being very humble. You've been sexually abused, raised by alcoholics, have had those 34 surgeries and been hit by an SUV. You've been jumped by a homeless person, but yet you are smiling and helping others. Where does this grit come from? Yeah, it has been a bit of a,
• 10:12
  shit show can i say shit show on your show yes you can hold on a second i hate it too 26 years in the fitness century you don't even look 26 years old and i'm not buttering you up and then 18 years married i i just you're doing something right this is my third marriage too third three three times a charm three times is the charm for sure
• 10:39
  So go back to the grit. You got to share your, your hack, your, your cheat code with, with the world. How? You know what? I think that what it boils down to is, you know what, when we're going through hard situations, there's so often, so many times we're like, why is this happening to me? Instead of how is this happening for me? And I say that, and I know,
• 11:09
  probably a lot of your listeners have heard that exact terminology a lot of times, but I knew at a very young age, especially when I started, when I was sexually abused. And I remember when I finally got the courage to ask for help and I didn't get help in that moment, I could have caved in and turned to,
• 11:39
  drugs or alcohol or anything at that time. And at that time, I didn't do that. At that time, I was like, I'm going to do something that makes me feel good. And so I focused on doing whatever I could that made me feel more productive and gave me joy. And so I dove deep into, you know,
• 12:09
  in AP classes and, and the dance company and dancing all the time. And I, and, and, and you know what, a lot of people might sit there and go, you know what, you were running from your pain. And I was, I was literally running because I joined the track team and guess what? I got first place at every meet and I got our, I set a record.
• 12:39
  in the state of Texas for running the fastest mile. So
• 12:45
  I would much rather say I did things that were productive, that made me feel good, that brought joy, that I moved my body to move my mood, which releases those endorphins. And so I did those things. And yes, I did it. But it wasn't until later on in life where I realized I had been running and running and running and running.
• 13:13
  my whole life from trauma, from the way that I was brought up from sexual abuse, from so much from, um, an abusive marriage. Um, it wasn't until I was stuck in a hospital bed that it all came crumbling down on me quick. And, uh,
• 13:43
  I didn't have a place to run because my, my only outlet was working out. That was my, that was my therapy. That was my outlet. Hiking was my church. And it wasn't until I got in to being, you know, after my motorcycle accident and being stuck in a hospital bed that I was like,
• 14:11
  holy crap, man, I don't have any place to run. I am stuck in this bed. I'm stuck in these feelings. And it was a wild ride. And people think that, like, wow, man, going through all those surgeries must have been the hardest time for you. It wasn't. The hardest and the darkest time for me was,
• 14:41
  was when I went from having this beautiful life and this successful career to living out of a bottle and using alcohol to numb my pain. And I remember thinking, how did a good girl like me end up here? Like I was always different. I was going to be so different from the people in my family.
• 15:10
  I was not going to be like them. I was going to be a success. And lo and behold, I was exactly like them.
• 15:23
  I told you guys, these listeners, that this was going to be fire. And she has so many websites and so many social handles. Please go into the show notes. But you've got to follow her on at least Instagram. It's AmberlyLagoMotivation, at AmberlyLagoMotivation. It'll be on the show notes. You get this all the time. And I just got to say to you that...
• 15:50
  So when you stopped running and you actually had to sit in your shit and surrender, talk about that because so many people do what you did. I've done it. I did it for years. I'm really struggling, not struggling. I'm working on right now surrendering and allowing everything to happen for me, not to me. So talk to me about you sitting in your feelings and surrendering and how that actually led you to where you are today.
• 16:20
  Well, I didn't, I can't sit here and say, oh, it was this beautiful space and everything was wonderful. No, it was a shit storm. Um, I actually remember, um, my life was spiraling out of control and, um, I wanted it to be different. Not.
• 16:47
  promised myself that it would be different, but every day I would wake up and I would make that promise to myself that today is the day that it's going to be different and I'm going to change and something, I'm going to, it's going to be better. And I couldn't get a grip on it. And I felt so
• 17:17
  It was my daughter, my oldest daughter. She was having her cello concert. And I remember thinking to myself, okay, I got to get it together because I'm going to show up at her concert like on point. And especially in front of my ex-husband, right? I was like, I'm going to do a good job. And...
• 17:44
  So anyway, I saw my ex-sister-in-law, who I don't even like to say ex-sister-in-law because she's still like a sister to me. I love this, my ex-sister-in-laws. I love them. They've saved my life. I love them. But I saw them. And the next day, I got a text message that said, hey, can you meet us at Starbucks?
• 18:14
  And I was like, yeah, are you okay? Do you need help? Now, I knew it wasn't about them, it was about me, but I was like, do you need help? And they're like, no, yeah, no, can you meet us? And I met them at Starbucks, and it was seven o'clock in the morning. And I don't think, Kelly, I don't think I've
• 18:41
  shared this ever before on a podcast, but I met them at seven o'clock in the morning and they said, you reek of alcohol. I was like, well, what, what do you mean? Have you been drinking? I said, no, I haven't. And they said, well, you've got so much in your system. You, you reek of it. Do you, do you want help? And I,
• 19:12
  I just burst into tears. And I was like, I need help. I just, I need help. And you know what? That was brave on them to reach out to me. Because they could have thought, well, I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to risk the relationship. They saved my life. They were there to give me my one-year-old birthday cake.
• 19:42
  at AA. Oh, I'm not supposed to say AA. Recovery meetings. No, you could say AA. I'm a big proponent of AA. First of all,
• 19:53
  Thank you. Thank you for being so vulnerable. It's courageous and it's bringing me, it's bringing us closer together and your audience is going to love you. I hope they're watching to see your eyes and how they glossed over and how authentic and genuine all of that was. So you touched my heart and thank you. I love that. I just adore you.
• 20:21
  So, yeah, I'm going to take a two-second interlude and say, you know, I quit drinking four and a half years ago, coming up on five years ago, cold turkey. I didn't go to AA. I should have gone to AA. So kudos for you doing that. Kudos to your sister, your ex-sisters-in-laws. Because I had a conversation this morning with somebody about it.
• 20:41
  It's not easy. So, and kudos to you for accepting it. Most people deny it and say, I don't have a problem. I got it under control. But you surrendered and went and now look at you. Which...
• 20:56
  We're going to talk about when you're in AA or after you've done through it, your daily routine and rituals and habits are what keep you going. Talk about what your daily routine looks like to keep you on this winning path. Well, I think it's really important to talk about that. Thank you. Because I think it's really important to talk about that. If you're an entrepreneur, if you're anybody who is like,
• 21:26
  type a go-getter, like let's go all in, I got myself into trouble because I did not really focus on my non-negotiables, the things that I knew that I needed to do to stay productive and stay sustainable, you know? And so I think it's really important
• 21:53
  to focus on, okay, get to know what your values are, what your non-negotiables are. And so for me, I know for me, like I know like it is a non-negotiable that I have got to work out. Like moving moves your mood. And I know that without being able to work out,
• 22:17
  I'm going to be depressed. And I went to a therapist years ago. It was after I had a cesarean. And I was a mental case. And my husband was like, you've got to go to a therapist or, like, get out because you're a crazy person. And I was. I was a crazy person. And I went to the therapist. And I was like, you know what?
• 22:40
  I know that when I can just move my body again, that I will feel better. And she goes, you know what? If you depend on having to move your body to feel better, then you need to be on antidepressants. And I was like, okay, you are not the therapist for me. I never went back to her again. And I was like, no, no,
• 23:10
  Did you see my eye roll? I did the same thing. Like, before you even said that, my eye rolled. It was like, oh, it's just big pharma. Let's prescribe something. That is not the answer. Yeah, let's just give you a prescription. And look, I'm all for if somebody...
• 23:26
  needs a prescription to help them. And look, I'm on a prescription. I take Lyrica that helps me with my nerve disease that I was diagnosed with. I don't like having to take it and I'm doing my best to find any other treatment outside of that. I'm even doing stem cell treatment soon.
• 23:50
  to see if I can get off of pharmaceuticals. But I understand. Where are you doing that at, by the way? Don't give the name, but what state? Costa Rica. Okay, you're going to go to Costa Rica. That's what I figured. I'll follow up with you. I want to know how that works. I got some friends that are asking about it. You know, the funny thing about me is once I quit drinking, everything feels better on my body. So I don't have any of the inflammation. I don't have anything hurting. It's crazy, right? Right.
• 24:18
  It's a cheat code, man. And I got to ask you, so you were 26 years in the fitness industry. You were drinking then, though, right? No, no, no. Oh, really? Uh-uh. No, I was occasionally, I mean, I'm not going to say I was sober. I was not sober. But I didn't know I had a problem. I would drink.
• 24:40
  occasionally for a party or something like that. But no, no, no, no. I did not get into trouble with alcohol until it was my pain reliever after my accident. And so that's why there was a lot of shame around it, too, because I knew it wasn't healthy.
• 25:08
  And I'm married to a lieutenant commander with a highway patrol. So I knew that it was not going to fly with him either. You know what I mean? And so to be able to hide it from everyone, including my husband being a cop, well, that took some skill right there.
• 25:31
  I just want to reiterate to the listeners that alcohol didn't solve anything. Correct? It made it worse. There you go. You talked about one non-negotiable, and that was my next question. So let's go more into your deeper into your non-negotiables and then go back to your daily routine because we really didn't. You just went in to just to remind you what you said is that I just got to move my body, which obviously you can tell that resonates with me. I used to.
• 26:00
  As long as I went to work and went to the gym, that used to rationalize my drinking, just so you know. So that was, if I went to work and I worked out, it's like, oh, I don't have a drinking problem. I don't really think I, you know, I don't know. That's not about me. Tell me about you and your non-negotiables and your daily routine. Okay. Well, my non-negotiables are...
• 26:23
  I have to have time in the morning to myself. In fact, I just got back from an event where I don't usually share a hotel room, but I had another speaker was like, Hey, let's share a hotel room. And I'm like, okay. And she was like, well, um, what time are you waking up? And I'm like 5am and she's like, Oh no, no, no, no. You need to push that back to 630. And I was like, no, my non-negotiable is I wake up in the morning.
• 26:50
  I have my gratitude practice. I have time for prayer, my spiritual reading, my workout, my setting my intention. And that's how I start my day. I was like, look, I'll be real quiet when I wake up and I will leave the lights off. But these are my non-negotiables. Well, hold on. I got it. I got a non-negotiable for you that I have. I don't share hotel rooms.
• 27:16
  We're not 12. Yeah. You know what? I don't usually do that, but she's a really good friend of mine. Everybody's really good friends of yours. I see every woman I talk to in the personal moment space. Do you know Amberlee? Yes. I just, Stephen Scoggins was just here this week. He's like, tell her I said, hi, love her. Everybody loves you. Including me.
• 27:40
  Oh, well, I love you. And Stephen is awesome. He's my, I always say that he's Mr. Unstoppable. He's my brother from another mother.
• 27:52
  I love him so much. We have become closer and closer and closer. And he's teaching me all about God. And I walked to his place. I said, I'm God curious. And it just keeps watching. Yeah, I'm Jewish, but it's I'm just fascinated by the universe and the vibrations and energy and people. And just as I've dug more, things are just coming into alignment with for me.
• 28:22
  Oh my goodness. Wow. I am so happy to hear this. Like, yeah, I would not have any of this, anything. I would not be able to do what I'm doing without my connection to God. I mean, seriously. And I will just tell you,
• 28:43
  that there have been times where, you know, I've been invited to speak on some huge stages, which is crazy and exciting and I'm so grateful for. But there have been times where I've been like, oh my gosh, I've literally been in my office going,
• 29:09
  God, I don't know, like conversations. I'm not the best eloquently prayer person that says, you know, I have some prayer warriors on my team. Like I've got a prayer warrior in my mastermind. And she actually sends me these beautifully, eloquently presented prayers. I'm not one of these people who prayer is real pretty. I talk to God.
• 29:38
  And so I was talking to God and I said, God, you know, I don't know if I'm meant for this. Like I get scared. I get really anxious. I don't know if I can continue on this road of speaking at these events because I'm intimidated. I don't know if I'm worthy. I just don't know if this is for me.
• 30:06
  Are you sure this is the path you want me to go on? And I am not kidding you. The next message on my phone lights up. My friend, Brian Steumann, not just he goes to my church, not just his number, his whole face lights up on the screen.
• 30:31
  And I'm like, oh my gosh, Ryan Steumann's calling me. What is this about? Like, he never calls me. He might email me. He never calls me. I answer him like, hey, Ryan, all okay? And he's like, yeah, I want you to speak at our next event, and we're expecting 3,500 people. And I was like, okay, God.
• 30:53
  I hear you. You're telling me to go for it. Same thing, you know, just the other day saying, I don't know about this. The next email I opened up was from an event planner saying, hey, we would love to have you come speak at our event. We're expecting 5,000 people. Can you come speak at our event? And I'm like,
• 31:17
  Okay. So yeah, God is good. And having that connection with God is what keeps me going. I find it bananas that.
• 31:30
  You've been on the Today Show, The Doctors, Hallmark, Featured in Shape, Fit Magazine, Yahoo, Forbes, USA Today, LA. The list goes on and on. You're a highly sought-out keynote speaker, and you have imposter syndrome once in a while, and you feel like you're not worthy. I've got to tell you right now that the woman I see and I know, and I'll thank you for being vulnerable because everybody can resonate with that, but...
• 31:58
  you got to keep going. I turn on, if I am ever done, I just flip on Instagram and I find one of your keynotes and I want to run through the fricking wall. Um, so you keep going, girl, if you ever need a pep talk, you just call me. Cause, uh, if you stop, I'm coming there to kick your butt. Well, thank you. You know what? I think that, you know, I think it's important to stay humble and hungry.
• 32:28
  am always forever grateful for everything that has been given to me along the way. I've worked my ass off for sure, but I don't think that confidence is always a given. I think it's something that can be knocked right out as right out of us. And I think that it's in,
• 32:52
  important, just like resilience. I think it's important for us to do things to build our confidence, to do things to build our resilience before we actually need it. And I think that it's important to surround ourselves with people like you who are like, yeah, I'm going to remind you to go after it. And of course, and you know what? I remember that.
• 33:19
  When I was going to give my TEDx talk, being so intimidated, and one of my clients actually said to me, she's like, Amberly, you made it through 34 surgeries. I think you can get up on that stage and talk. And I was like, yeah, you're right. So I think it's important to remember, like, sometimes, like, what's the hardest thing you've overcome?
• 33:50
  And remember that for whatever that next thing is that you're trying to overcome, because that'll help you get through that moment. We're all batting a thousand from all of our, our adversity. So, you know, adversity is here. It just left or it's coming. So just get comfortable with, with it. It's, which is going to go to our next question is if you could give an 18 year old one specific piece of advice, what would it be?
• 34:17
  I would say hands down, listen to your gut. Not love yourself. Listen to your gut. Oh, no. Listen to your gut because you know what? Your head will tell you something. Your heart will tell you something, but your gut never lies. And for a long time, I was taught like,
• 34:42
  you know, one, especially when I was being sexually abused and I knew that wasn't right. And my stepdad telling me, no, this is right. This is how dads teach their daughters. And I was like, no, this is, this is not right. My gut knew my gut knew. And I,
• 35:05
  learned, oh, well, maybe my gut's off. Maybe I'm wrong. Guess what? Your gut is never wrong. Your gut is your inner compass, and it will allow you to make the best decisions upon everything in your life.
• 35:23
  the decisions you're making on business deals, on relationships, on everything you're doing. And I know that you feel this. I felt this immediately with you. I was like, my gut tells me I need to connect with him and I need to do things with him because I like him. And my gut is telling me,
• 35:46
  There is so much potential for us to do amazing, amazing things together. That was great. And I, and I want to say thank you to everything you said, but, and I'm also going to, I, I have a 14 year old daughter and I just, I want to, I don't want to brush over the fact that what happened with your stepfather. And I want to thank you again for being courageous and explain and,
• 36:11
  being vulnerable because somebody else is out there. It's going to help somebody. So thank you. And I am appalled that there are people like that out there. And I hope he went to jail and I'm not going to dig. Perfect. Oh, there's fricking God's work. What reaction do people have when you walk into a room?
• 36:35
  What reaction do people have when I walk into a room? It's interesting because it depends on their room and depends on how I'm dressed. Because I've walked into a room of well-to-do Beverly Hills clients, and they have looked at me up and down like, oh, well, who does she think she is? And then immediately after I start sharing my story and they realize, oh, dang.
• 37:04
  like she's been through it, then the tears break out and they feel immediately connected because I share my vulnerability. But immediately when I walk into a room, I want people to feel good. I want people to feel connected. And I think that that's what we all really want is we want to
• 37:32
  to feel seen, heard, and understood. And I think that, you know, I don't, I'm not good at a lot of things, but I am good at understanding people and connecting people. And so I think that that's what I want the most is for when people to meet me that,
• 38:01
  They know that I'm just like you. You're just like me. We're all in this together. The reason you're so resilient is because of the vulnerability. Vulnerability creates resilience because it takes so much courage to share the vulnerability. Yeah.
• 38:17
  So I love that about you and keep doing it because that's where I think we resonate because I'm, I'm, I have no shame in anything. I do. I'm going to tell you everything vulnerable. And if you use it against me, then you're not my people. I I'm completely fine with that. So keep, I mean, I'm, who am I to tell you what to do, what to do? You're just killing it and you're amazing. And I love it. So if you had all the money you needed in life, but had to work, what would you be doing? Exactly what I'm doing right now.
• 38:46
  Kudos to you. I love what I do. I feel so blessed that I get to do the things that I do. I mean, honestly, I mean, my favorite thing that I get to do is I get to hold a mastermind for women and help them.
• 39:10
  really craft their message to share with the world so they can make an impact and they can make and have a bigger influence and make a bigger income so they can spread that ripple effect. But I also, I swear to you, I'm blown away, like blown away that I still get paid to go speak. Like I just get a speaking, my speaking,
• 39:41
  career has, I'm blessed and I want to pinch myself and I'm like knock on wood and all the things because I'm like, oh my gosh, I get to do this. But like, I just did a speaking event in Dallas last week where I was like, oh my gosh, I used to fly myself across the country on my own dime.
• 40:06
  And have to try to come up with funds to get my hotel room and figure out, you know, what I was going to say. And now I'm getting paid to go and speak. Like, what? I love the humility.
• 40:29
  I've just been told that there's somebody behind us in the studio, so we're going to blaze through a couple of these and we're going to have you back in person. Somewhere we'll be at an event and we're going to shoot a live one together because you're just fire. There's so much to you. And I want to skip to a couple of things that really came out.
• 40:49
  And if I ask anything that's inappropriate or that is too painful, please just tell me no. You were originally from Texas, moved to California, but left because it was too dangerous. Your brother is currently on death row in Texas. Would you mind sharing as much of the backstory that is pertinent to being resilient?
• 41:12
  Uh, as far as like, what, as far as how you deal with it and maybe what happened, because the followup question is going to be, do you support the death penalty? Those are two things that just, when we left our conversation, that just, I was like, whoa, I want to have these conversations with you. If you don't want to have them on air, I understand. Yeah, no, I'm an open book and I'm willing to share anything because-
• 41:41
  I mean, at one point I was, I remember when I got the phone call in the middle of the night that my brother had shot his wife. And I originally thought they're like, Micah shot his wife. And I have another friend who's named as Micah. His name is Micah. And he used to be in the hell hell's angels. And I, I thought, well, it must be that Micah. And I'm like.
• 42:09
  No, it's your brother, Micah, named from the Bible, the sweet little boy that you grew up with. No, it's that brother. And I just recently saw this movie or show on Netflix. It was called Dirty John.
• 42:35
  And I was like, oh my God, that's kind of like what it was like for my little brother. It was like he was pushed and pushed and pushed and no excuse, no excuse. There's no excuse to ever commit a crime. I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying that, you know, my little brother didn't have the resources like I do, like I get. Like my resource was.
• 43:04
  My outlet was athleticism, was dance. I did things that made me happy. He didn't have that. Then when I did get an addiction, I reached out for help. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to a 12-step recovery. He didn't get that. There are so many people that don't get to have a life that,
• 43:33
  Because they don't get the help that they need. And so if anybody is listening and you know somebody that's struggling or you're struggling yourself, the one thing that I would say take away from our whole time together is ask for help. Please ask for help. You do not have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone. And whether you're asking for help for,
• 44:02
  Even for me, reach out to me if you want to reach out for help, whatever I can do to help. Let's take that a step further because of your story. And let's say offer help as well. Offer help because your sister-in-law's offered help. So ask for help and offer help. Yeah.
• 44:24
  I want to just preface this because I adore you so much. I have mad respect for you. There was a lot of drugs and alcohol addiction involved in this. This wasn't a premeditated anything. This was just a case. And I'm not trying to say, I'm not trying to make any reason for any kind of killing, death, anything. I'm just trying to show what Amber Lee deals with.
• 44:51
  In her life and still goes on stage and, and, and spreads positivity. So we're going to leave that at that. And I want to, I'm going to lighten the mood a little bit and just ask you if you could create one law in the universe, what would it be and why? One law in the universe, I would say, just be kind, you know, goes a long way.
• 45:15
  And you can be having a bad day and you can just have somebody be kind and it changes your whole day. And if we were all just a little kinder, I think it would go a long way. I think that the world need more, we need more kindness in the world. And I know I wasn't planning, I didn't know what you were going to ask me and I wasn't planning on sharing that, but I just think that
• 45:46
  We need more kindness with the cancel culture and everything going on and people cutting you off and flipping you off driving down the road. If we could just all be a little more kind, it would go a long way. What's one thing about you that people might be surprised to know? They would probably be surprised to know
• 46:14
  That I embarrass my daughter daily by dancing everywhere I can. And so that means in the line at the shop, you know, at the market or at Target or wherever. I dance all the time.
• 46:33
  Okay, so we'll dance together when I see you. I'm going to break right out in a dance because I do the same thing to my daughter. And to give you one more, I wake my daughter up every morning and I say it's time to be awesome and kind. Every morning, time to be awesome and kind. So this is why we resonate with each other. I love that. I just love you. I cannot wait to meet you in person. Is there something I haven't asked you today that you feel compelled to share? No, you're awesome.
• 47:02
  wait till we meet it's gonna get the worlds collide how can the heart of life audience and me personally support you um well you know what you can do this is what i want you to do i want to meet you in person so i've just secured the time and the place for my next unstoppable success summit please come to my
• 47:29
  summit. Well, I would hope you'd save us. Hopefully I'm the only guy and I would love, I would be honored if you'd allow me to speak and tell our, you know, my similar story, but not as, as I don't know. It's, it's, it's harder than life. It's vulnerable and it's resilient and it's true. I love it. So yeah, come Amberley logo.com. Is that March? Yeah.
• 47:58
  It's going to be April 2024. Just secured the spot. It was Pull and T.
• 48:07
  The Renaissance in Dallas, Texas. Ooh, Dallas. Yes, I'll be there. All right. Let me say, please rate and share this podcast. Also, I do my best to respond to all the comments on social platforms. So if you want more of something or less of something, leave a comment. Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with.
• 48:30
  Delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit trustntm.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Thank you so much. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life. And let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.