Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 42 - Small Steps That Change a Man’s Life

Transcript

EP 42 - Small Steps That Change a Man’s Life · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

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What if transformation isn't about massive life overhauls,
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but about finally removing the quiet waste that's been keeping
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you stuck in your work, in your body, in leadership, and even in
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your face? That's what we're talking about
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today here on Unmasked. Welcome to Unmasked, where we
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take off the filters and get real about faith, failure, and
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finding freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
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Farnsworth. I'm dad, veteran, author, and a
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man who's learned that God does his best work in the middle of
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our mess. Each episode will have honest
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conversations with people who have walked through addiction,
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pain, or doubt, and with pastors, leaders, and everyday
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believers who are learning to live and lead authentically.
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So take a breath, pull up a chair, and let's get real.
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This is Unmasked. Today on Unmasked, I'm joined by
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Randall Dupree, a lean practitioner, leadership coach,
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and author of Everyday Lean, as well as a founder of Forge
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Point. With more than 20 years of
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experience leading transformation inside
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organizations like Boeing, United Technologies, and GKN,
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Randall has spent his career helping people improve how they
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work. But what makes this story
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compelling goes even deeper than efficiency or systems.
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Randall is a devoted husband, father of three, and a man whose
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faith in Christ shapes how he views leadership, discipline,
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manhood, and personal growth. His mission is simple but
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challenging. Help people take their first
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step towards transformation, whether that's removing waste
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from everyday life, reclaiming physical and spiritual health,
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or stepping into biblical manhood with clarity and
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courage. Randall, thank you so much for
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joining us today here on UNMASKED.
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It's such a pleasure to have you with us.
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Hey, Wesley. Yeah, it's an honor to be here
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with you. I've really been looking forward
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to this conversation. Thank you for having me on.
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Absolutely a pleasure. It's all mine, my friend.
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So Randall, before we start talking about getting lean or
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leadership or anything like that, let's talk about who you
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are at your core. So tell us a little bit about
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what drives you and the work that you do.
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Yeah, thanks for the question. So, you know, I think the first
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thing that comes to mind when I think about who I am is I really
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think of myself as an overcomer in Christ Jesus.
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You know, I think of certain Scripture passages around, you
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know, like in Romans when it talks about we're more than
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conquerors or how, you know, we have overcome the world through
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our faith in Christ. And I really think about how
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that applies in my life. And, you know, all of us have
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been through trials and tribulations and have overcome.
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And you know, my, my personal story, you know, starts, you
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know, when, you know, my mom, who was a teenage mother, you
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know, got pregnant at a very young age and, you know, had
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people around her who told her she should probably terminate
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the pregnancy. And she didn't.
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She chose not only to, you know, have me, obviously I'm here, but
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she went on to have seven more children.
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We grew up very, very poor in extreme poverty in southern
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Louisiana. And just, you know, my entire
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life is just about overcoming. And I couldn't do it without
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Christ, who, you know, is the center of my life and who gives
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me strength, you know, and, and just the way I grew up, you
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know, living in such poverty, you know, we moved around a lot.
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It just really kind of instilled in me a desire to just do
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better, to just continually improve.
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And just to really kind of just, you know, I had this desire to
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just prove my worth really to the world as much as to myself,
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which kind of led me down the path in the career that I've
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been on for the last 20 plus years.
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Because my personal journey just has been around continuous
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growth, continuous development and continuous improvement.
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And so really at the heart of who I am, it's just someone who
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who just overcomes challenges and, and just overcomes problems
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in life that, you know, by relying heavily on my faith to
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do so. Well, it sounds like faith is
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definitely a foundation of who you are.
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You're very open about your faith in Christ.
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And so how did your faith form over time and how does it shape
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the way that you think about transformation today?
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Yeah, great question. So, you know, first and
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foremost, I am not a pastor of any sort.
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I've not been the Bible college. I really don't have any
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credentials. As a young kid, I grew up
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Catholic. I went through all the motions.
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But I would say that I didn't have a saving faith, at least
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not the way I understand it now. When I was a teenager, I got in
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a lot of trouble. I ended up, you know, getting
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caught stealing. I just hung around some some bad
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friends who, you know, together we did that stuff.
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And I ended up getting locked up in a youth detention center.
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I spent a little bit of time there and I just remember at
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that time just feeling very lost.
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And a minister came in and he had a guitar and he sang songs
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with me and the other youth who are in this facility.
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And he really just, you know, talked to us about the Lord and,
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and planted some seeds in my heart that really just, you
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know, began to grow and really created this desire for when I
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got out to really find God and really, you know, understand
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faith. I really didn't know much about
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it, even though, like I said, I grew up Catholic.
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So when I got out of this youth detention center, I ended up
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going to the Catholic Church near me.
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And I remember just walking there as a kid and I got there a
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little bit late. The doors were closed.
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I just, I felt very intimidated and I couldn't for whatever
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reason, go inside. Fast forward a few weeks.
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My sister had a friend who invited her to church with her.
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It was a Christian Church. There was a bus ministry.
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And I decided to get on the bus with my sister and her friend.
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And I started going to this church and got plugged into the
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youth group there. And, you know, really it was the
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youth pastor and the ministry of that church that really, you
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know, led me to Christ. I remember I couldn't tell you
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an exact day or time, Wesley, but I remember I was about 15-16
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years old. And in one of the Wednesday
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night, you know, youth group meetings, the pastor basically
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said, hey, if you've never accepted Jesus Christ as your
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personal Lord and Savior, you know, allow me to just walk you
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through it today. And he walked me through the
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sinner's prayer, you know, myself and the rest of the
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group. And he probably didn't even know
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at the time I was praying that prayer sincerely in my heart,
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but I did. And from that point on, my life
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has just not been the same. And it took me a long time to
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really understand what that faith meant.
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And it took me years really, to to fully understand, you know,
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that it is faith that saves us. And, you know, even John 6 says
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that, you know, the work of God is to believe and believe in the
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one who he said, right? And so coming from this kind of
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Catholic upbringing, it took some time for me to transition
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from, you know, a faith that was sort of based on the works to a
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faith that was based on grace and, and belief.
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And so I really do believe that that's how God wants us to
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operate, that he wants us to operate out of love and not out
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of obligation. And God is a God of
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transformation. You know, in Romans 12, it says
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not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed,
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right? And so I really do believe that,
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you know, God is a God of transformation.
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He transforms people's lives. He transforms people's hearts,
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and through US, he's transforming this world.
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So, you know, I think at the end of the day, you know, everyone's
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heard the saying God loves you the way you are, but he loves
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you too much to leave you that way.
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And that's how I see things. You know, I really see that the
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transformation is the work of God and whether that shows up
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in, you know, our personal lives or in our businesses that we
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work for or the organizations that I work with, I really see
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it as God working through us. And that, you know, God uses our
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faith and our belief in him to improve the lives of those
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around us and even the the businesses and companies that we
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work for. Yeah, I agree completely.
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And I love that chapter and that that section in Romans that you
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were talking about, because it says to be transformed and to do
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so by through the words of our testimony.
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And and that's exactly what we're doing here is we're we're
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sharing that we're you know what we're we're taking off that mask
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and we're saying, hey, look at me, I'm not perfect.
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You know, here's what I've gone through, but that doesn't define
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who I am today. And we're we're allowing people
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to see behind the mask and to allow them to realize a hey,
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yeah, you know what, this happened to me.
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Or if you're listening, you're like, yeah, this happened to me.
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I'm not. But you know, you have to choose
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to not let it define you. And I love that.
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And so when you think about your work and your, you know, from
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from helping organizations to now really helping individuals,
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you know, you, you've helped transform massive organizations.
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Some of those organizations I mentioned earlier, I mean, those
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are just those are some big names.
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And so you've helped transform A transform some really big
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organizations. When did you realize that the
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same principles that applied to them could apply just as much,
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if not more, to the personal life and leadership of
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individuals? Yeah, great question.
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So it's, it's funny you mention that because I, I kind of tell
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the story of my book Everyday Lean about how I kind of started
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with the reverse in mind. I kind of realized as I started
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to learn more about lean and continuous improvement in the
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workplace that I had already been doing a lot of these things
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in my personal life. And I'm sure that as folks, you
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know, hear us discussing, they're going to relate because
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I do think that there are certain things that we just
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naturally do as humans. We just don't always have the
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language to put the labels on them.
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So that's one component of it. But what I'd like to say is
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that, you know, leadership is really so important and it's
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something that I've kind of always shield away from, but it
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keeps finding me. And every job that I've been in,
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I've either been in a formal or even informal leadership role
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where people come to me to get training or get, you know, to
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understand how to really do their job.
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And, and, and it's just, you know, place that I've always
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found myself, you know, and, and I've studied a lot of leadership
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from people like John Maxwell, for example, and other
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leadership teachers. And I think at the core of it,
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the best leadership is based on Christ and the life of Jesus.
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And, you know, there are authors who will explicitly say that.
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And I think about like the level 5 leader and I forget the author
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of that book, but he, he comes out and actually says it.
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He doesn't want to be too cheesy.
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He doesn't want to get too religious about it, but he'll
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actually, you know, I admit that, you know, when you look at
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the life of Christ and the way he led, that is like the
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ultimate example of how to be a good leader.
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And other books that maybe don't really, you know, explicitly say
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that still touch on a lot of the same principles.
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And one of the principles that I think of the most is Jesus
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really cared about people. And a good leader cares about
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their people. And not only do they care, but
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the people that work with them know that they care, right?
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I mean, you think about Jesus, He was the ultimate leader
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because he cared. And we're still following him
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2000 years later because we know that he cares for us, right?
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I mean, when Lazarus died, Jesus wept knowing he was going to
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resurrect him. A few minutes later, he's still
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wept. I mean, if if you're looking for
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an example of Jesus caring, you don't have to look any further,
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right? I mean, healed people who were,
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who were sick, people who were crippled, people who were blind
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because it cared for those people.
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And when you think about how to build a culture, whether it's a
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culture in a huge organization or a small, you know, family
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owned business or even, you know, in a church or even at
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your home, When you think about how to build a culture where
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improvement can happen and where lasting transformation can
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occur, it really starts with leadership.
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And to me, leadership really starts with hearing.
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Yeah, that's, there's a lot of truth to that.
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And I love, I love that you brought up your, your journey
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and the fact that you leadership seems to find you because I'm a
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lot in this. I'm very much the same.
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Doesn't matter what I do even, but when I volunteer for stuff,
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I still somehow end up being put into a leadership role in some
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capacity. And I'm not quite sure how that
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works, but it's it's funny to kind of see it play out.
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And you also mentioned your book Everyday Lean, which is which is
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a good segue because I wanted to talk about that next a little
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bit. You know, the book is when you
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think of everyday lean, that's not a topic that you would
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typically like. What is that?
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You know, it leaves you with more questions and answers, if
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you will. So what does waste look like in
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normal life? You know, when you think about
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lean, that's I think of getting rid of waste.
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So what does waste look like in everyday life, and not in
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factories or boardrooms, but in how we live and how we think and
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how we lead? Yeah, so great question.
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So you're right, LEAN is really all about eliminating waste.
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And and just for you know everyone listening, when we're
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talking about waste, we're not talking about trash or rubbish.
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What we're talking about are non value added activities.
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So in the lean world, we use the acronym downtime to remember
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what the 8 waste are. So there's 8 of them and it,
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those eight waste are defects over processing, I'm sorry,
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overproduction, waiting, non utilized talent, transportation,
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inventory, motion and expert processing.
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So essentially any waste that we're talking about in a process
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or in a system is going to fall into one of those 8 categories.
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So and they show up everywhere. They show up in traffic when
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you're driving to work, they show up in politics, they show
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up in your morning routine, they show up in cooking.
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So if you think about just, you know, like baking a cake, for
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example, if you're baking a cake, you're probably not going
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to wait until you've gotten all the ingredients together and
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you've mixed the batter and you're ready to put it into the
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oven to actually turn on the oven and get it to temperature,
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right? We're going to Preheat the oven.
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Probably. That's going to be your first
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step. Why is that?
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Because if you did all of those steps and then preheated the
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oven, there would be a lot of waiting, right?
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There'd be a lot of waiting. You'd be sitting there just
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waiting for the oven to Preheat before you started cooking the
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cake. So you do that first and that
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eliminates waste. That's just something naturally
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that we do another thing naturally that we do.
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I'm sure if I went into your kitchen or you know, any of your
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listeners kitchen, I would probably find that your
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silverware is in the top drawer, probably somewhere near your
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stove or your kitchen sink, depending on how your your
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kitchen's configured. But it's probably in a top
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drawer. It's not in the middle, it's not
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in the bottom. It's not in a cabinet, It's not
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in a in a pantry. Your silverware is going to be
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in the top drawer. Why is that?
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Because by keeping it in the top drawer, something that you use
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very regularly, like silverware, that eliminates a lot of waste,
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a lot of extra motion that would be involved if every time you
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needed a fork, you have to bend over and grab from the third
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drawer or the 4th drawer or open a cabinet, right?
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So those are just little waste that show up every day.
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And so really in the book, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying
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to give folks the language so they could really put those
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labels on those waste as they show up every day.
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Because the more you understand what the waste is, the more you
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start to see it everywhere. You know when you're driving in
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traffic and there's a construction area and it says,
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you know, merge ahead and folks start to merge 2 miles before
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they get to the first point, right?
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When we know the textbook tells us to stay in the in both lanes
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until the merge point and then use the zipper method, right?
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That creates waste. Now there's a whole lane that's
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not being utilized, that's adding more time to your drive
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time. It's extending the cycle and
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it's just adding, you know, a lot more waste into the process.
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So by helping folks to understand what waste are, I'm
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hoping that they will then start to see it show up more and more
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in their lives. And then I have a section where
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I talk about lean tools. And so the tools is really there
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to help you understand how to remove some of that waste.
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And sometimes it's kind of intuitive.
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It's, you know, kind of common sense like I mentioned with the
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preheating of the oven, right? You don't have to tell.
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Most people go ahead and start the oven before you're ready to
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actually use it. So you'd be surprised.
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You know, my 11 year old daughter likes to cook and I
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feel like every other time she's cooking, I do have to tell her
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go ahead and start the oven before you do the rest of the
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steps just so that it's ready to go.
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So some of us can be kind of intuitive and the book will help
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to kind of give some labels to it and give that language.
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But others is going to be more readily appearance and they're
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going to start to pop up as you just become better at seeing
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waste. And those are some good
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examples. I'd never even thought.
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I mean, to me, it's just kind of second nature.
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Civil war, top drawer. I never even thought of that as
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being an area of waste. You know, if it were not there,
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kind of get your mind thinking a little bit about other things
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that you do, just kind of what we call as common sense or, you
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know, and things like that. Just kind of get your mind
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working a little bit differently, which is really
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interesting. And I like that perspective.
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And one of the things that you kind of talked about a little
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bit was just getting started, you know, and we're looking at
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your everyday life for those areas.
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And so why do you think people struggle so much with just
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taking that first step, especially men?
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Yeah, yeah, it it could often be a challenge just to get started
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in, in my opinion. And from from what I've seen,
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well, it's really kind of three things.
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It's either a priorities issue, a knowledge issue, or a fear
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issue. A priorities.
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We either don't prioritize the things that we really want to
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do, so therefore we never get started, kind of stays on the
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back burner for a long time. We don't find the time to do it
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because we just don't make it a priority knowledge.
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A lot of times we just don't know what the first step is and
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we're not humble enough to ask other people who have maybe been
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successful and reach out and and get that information.
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Or maybe it's feared. Maybe we're just scared that,
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you know, for whatever reason, we're going to be embarrassed or
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there's anxiety around getting started, right.
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You know, I think about like going to the gym, for example,
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if you haven't been to the gym in a while and you're out of
19:03
shape, you might feel some anxiety.
19:05
You might think I'm going to go there and I'm going to be the
19:06
most out of shape person there. People are going to look at me.
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I'm going to do things awkwardly.
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I might not know how to use the equipment and there might be
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some fear and anxiety that goes along with that.
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And it might hurt my pride. Especially as men, we don't want
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to show up and, and look like fools and, and not know what
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we're doing. So we start to, you know, put up
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some barriers and it prevents us from ever really getting.
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But yeah, I think, you know, at the end of the day, you know, if
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we understand what the waste are and we can start to remove some
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of those waste from our lives, that will give us back some of
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that time. If that is, you know, if
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priorities, if it's not a priority and time is the issue,
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you know, getting rid of some of that waste or, you know, the
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more we grow and our faith might help us to be more humble to
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where we are more open to learning from from others.
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And we have less fear, right? Because as a man, we have to
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lead by example. We're supposed to be the leader
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in our home, homes and in our families, if nowhere else,
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right? We're supposed to be the leaders
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of our home. And, you know, leadership, you
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know, the leadership qualities that I mentioned before,
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especially caring, It really applies to men wherever they
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are, especially in their homes and with their families.
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So, you know, we have to keep growing ourselves if we're going
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to be good leaders. We're going to be good leaders
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in our workplace, in our church and our families.
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We have to keep growing. We have to keep developing
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ourselves. We have to, you know, get past
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the fear. The knowledge barrier, we have
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to make it a priority and we have to start taking those those
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steps, no matter how small those steps are.
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We really just got to we got to do it.
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Yeah, and I love the analogy for the gym that you talked about,
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because I think that's one of the things I, when I doing
20:43
podcast interviews, I often talk about the importance of
20:46
community and having people around you that you can do life
20:50
with and to encourage people and stuff.
20:52
And I use the gym and now I use the gym as one my analogy.
20:56
And they kind of go together because I talked about how you
20:58
know, when you, when you're looking at things like New
21:00
Year's Eve, we all make this resolution to go to the gym and
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get better and to get in shape and all this stuff.
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But we often feel because we try and do things ourselves and we,
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we don't want to and we don't have anybody to keep us
21:13
accountable. And but if we, if we team up
21:16
with somebody and we're meeting a friend at the gym, now we have
21:19
accountability because neither one of us want to let each other
21:22
down. And so we're going to the
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chances of us succeeding go up because we are now keeping each
21:28
other accountable. We're there, we're, we're
21:30
laughing, we're having fun while we're there, you know, all this
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type of stuff. And it feeds right into what you
21:35
what you're sharing, because when you first start going to a
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gym, you're scared to death that you're going to do something
21:42
wrong or you don't, you're not going to know how to do
21:44
something. And so you put on this mask of,
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well, I don't need the gym. You know, I'm fine, I'll do it
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other ways, you know, or whatever.
21:52
And so you let that keep you back.
21:54
And so you're just letting yourself fail in that way.
21:57
But if you take off the mask and you admit that you don't know
22:01
something, which if you're listening today and you're a
22:04
guy, I know this is really scary to hear, but it's not the end of
22:08
the world to admit that you don't know something.
22:10
It's but it's not. I mean, as a guy, that's not an
22:12
easy thing to do. Right.
22:14
But if you can take off that mask and say, hey, do you know
22:17
how to do this? And if your buddy says no,
22:20
that's there with you, then be like, hey, you know, I guarantee
22:24
you that if you're at the gym, if you look across the gym,
22:27
there's probably going to be this really buff dude there
22:29
that's ripped in muscles and everything else because he lives
22:31
at the gym. I guarantee if you go over and
22:33
say, hey, I'm new, I want to learn how to do this, would you
22:35
help me out? Chances are pretty good he's
22:38
going to be like, yeah, you know, he might say, give me a
22:40
minute to finish this set or whatever, but he'll probably
22:43
help you out and then try. I'm speaking to the choir here.
22:45
OK, So I'm not calling anybody out.
22:47
I'm not a RIP dude. If you're watching this on
22:49
YouTube, you can see that. So I'm I'm speaking to the
22:52
choir, but it's, it's really hard to take off that mask and
22:56
to live and be willing to be lean in that area as as you were
22:59
saying. Yeah, absolutely.
23:02
And, and you're 100% right. If you just ask, most people are
23:05
happy to help you and and show you.
23:07
And you know, there's so many resources out there.
23:10
I mean, in in this example, you know, hiring a study or looking
23:13
at YouTube videos or just talking to somebody in the gym
23:17
is a great way to just learn and just continually improve.
23:20
And again, it's all about taking those little small steps in the
23:23
right direction to get started. Yeah, absolutely.
23:26
And that that carries over even into parents, you know, being a
23:30
parent, I mentioned earlier in your introduction that you're a
23:32
father and you mentioned your daughter a minute ago and in our
23:36
conversations you've talked about your sons and stuff like
23:40
that and A and a rite of passage ceremony that you led.
23:43
And so I want to touch on that real fast on this episode,
23:46
because I think that was pretty cool because you're, you're,
23:49
you're passionate about your, your Christian manhood, you
23:52
know, and, and, and the fact that you led this passage
23:55
ceremony. So tell us a little bit about
23:57
this passage ceremony that you left for your sons.
24:00
And why do you think that modern men are hungry for clarity?
24:05
And then how did that experience shape you as a father?
24:10
Yeah. So I think, you know, there's a
24:12
lot of mixed messaging out there about manhood and terms like
24:17
toxic masculinity get thrown out there.
24:20
And, you know, I think there's a lot of confusion around what it
24:24
means to be a man. And I think the enemy of our
24:26
faith knows that the family is the cornerstone of society.
24:30
And so the best way to destroy it, destroy the family that is,
24:34
is by attacking men. And so I think that boys need to
24:38
know that they're men and they need to seek, they need to be
24:42
validated by men in their life that they are, you know, men,
24:48
otherwise they're going to seek it through the world.
24:50
So you know, one of the gaps that I've observed and you'll,
24:54
you'll learn if you read my book that I, I like the phrase
24:56
problems in terms of a gap, whether it's, you know, a
24:59
financial gap, right? If you have a, if you have a
25:02
budget and you're over budget, the amount you're over budget,
25:06
that's a gap and that becomes a problem.
25:08
And I've seen that we have a gap in our society because they
25:11
don't really do in our culture, any sort of rite of passage for
25:15
boys who are becoming men. And so I think what that causes,
25:19
it causes a lot of men to grow up confused around their their
25:23
manhood and they seek validation from the world because they're
25:26
not getting it from bodily men around them.
25:28
Men can't just delegate their role as a spiritual leader to
25:32
the priest or the pastor or to their wife.
25:35
They have to take that seriously.
25:38
And just like, you know, men shouldn't delegate protection of
25:41
their families to the police or the authorities, Protecting is
25:44
one of the things that as men we are called to do.
25:48
You know, your, your listeners may be familiar with this, but
25:51
you know, I, the vast majority of men in prison grew up in a
25:55
fatherless home. I don't remember the exact
25:57
percentage, but it's like the high 90s of men in prison grew
26:01
up in a fatherless home. And I remember a story I had
26:03
read some years ago about elephants in South Africa and
26:07
the, the, these, these elephants were sort of left alone because
26:13
the older bulls were killed by poachers.
26:16
And so these elephants, these male elephants started attacking
26:19
rhinos and even villages. And the way they got these
26:23
elephants to settle down was they actually brought some older
26:27
bull elephants and reintroduced them into the, into the herd.
26:32
And what happened was, you know, those, those elephants actually
26:35
calmed down because those older males restored order.
26:39
And so when fathers are removed from the family, either through
26:43
divorce or they're imprisoned, or sometimes they're maybe
26:47
physically present, but they're not mentally present, Either
26:51
they're, you know, workaholics or they're just mentally checked
26:55
out, that creates that same sort of gap that we saw with the
26:58
elephants. And then young men join gangs.
27:01
They commit crimes. And a lot of the things that I
27:03
was doing when I was a teenager, before I met the Lord.
27:07
And so, you know, when my boys got to be around 1314 years old,
27:12
you know, the Lord really put this on my heart and I started
27:15
looking at what, what is the rite of passage ceremony
27:19
involved and, and what can I plan for my boys, you know, to
27:23
basically help them transition from boyhood to manhood.
27:27
And so I won't get into all the details because that would be a
27:30
whole separate podcast, but to, you know, kind of give a quick
27:34
summary of what we did. I pulled together some men who
27:36
were important in their lives, uncles, other Christian men that
27:40
was part of our home team. And I planned a rite of passage
27:43
weekend for each one of my boys at the age of 15.
27:46
And there were seven different elements to it that we did over
27:50
the weekend. There was a lot of prayer
27:52
involved. There was a lot of just
27:53
fellowshipping, fishing, hiking, just kind of having fun, but
27:59
also a lot of prayer and reading of letters and just sharing from
28:03
a man's perspective what it means to be a godly and a
28:06
Christian man. And, you know, each man shared.
28:10
And as we left that weekend, each one of the men, they're
28:14
basically said to my son, from this point forward, we see you
28:18
as a man. So that eliminates the need for
28:21
them to go out and seek that validation from the world.
28:24
Because here are these other men not only sharing from their
28:27
perspective what it means to be a man, and not just a man, but a
28:30
Christian man, but also validating them for who they are
28:34
in their manhood. So that way from that point
28:37
forward, they can start to, you know, live and embrace what it
28:40
means for them. That's a really cool idea and
28:48
I'm sure that's something that your sons will carry with them
28:51
the rest of their life, and I just think that's so awesome.
28:54
What age? I'm curious, what age did you do
28:56
the ceremony with your boys? So I did it for each one of them
28:59
when they turn 15 respectively. Now the older is 17 and the
29:05
younger is 16 and 15 is just the age that I chose.
29:09
I've, I've heard of other folks doing something similar at 13 or
29:12
1415 was just a number that to me at the time seem to make
29:17
sense where I could feel comfortable saying, hey, I see
29:19
you as a man, which means it's going to come with, you know,
29:22
some extra responsibility, but also some extra freedom.
29:25
So that's what I went with. That's cool.
29:28
I like that. You know, we talked about
29:31
earlier the physical health kind of in the analogy of the gym,
29:35
you know, and now you're talking discipline, you know, when it
29:38
comes to, you know, being a man essentially, especially when it
29:41
comes to like the rite of passage for your sons and things
29:44
like that. And so when we talk about
29:46
physical health and Wellness and discipline and all these things,
29:49
how does discipline and stewardship of the body connect
29:54
to spiritual leadership and integrity?
29:58
Yeah, yeah. Good question.
30:00
So, you know, as a John Maxwell team member, I got to tell you,
30:03
one of my favorite John Maxwell quotes is the hardest person to
30:06
lead is yourself. And here's another quote that
30:09
goes with that that says if you can't lead yourself, you can't
30:12
lead others. And so I think, you know, when I
30:14
think of a man's role, I think a man is to lead, to love, to
30:18
provide and protect. And I do believe that to do
30:22
these well, you should be in good shape.
30:24
And when I say good shape, I'm talking physically, mentally,
30:28
spiritually and emotionally. So from those different aspects,
30:32
we should try to take care of ourselves.
30:34
I really do believe that, you know, you're just one being and
30:37
it's all connected. The health of our bodies are
30:39
going to contribute to the health of our minds and the
30:42
health of our spirits and vice versa, right.
30:44
So I know this first hand, you know, believe it or not, if
30:48
you're looking at me, if anyone who's watching a video, you
30:50
could see I still got a lot of weight to lose.
30:52
But I've actually lost over 120 lbs and I've gained probably
30:55
probably about 30 lbs of muscle while doing it.
30:58
So I've already undergone A transformation, A transformation
31:03
that I'm still working through myself.
31:05
And I can tell you first hand, you know, the difference it made
31:08
in my life because as I've taken take care of my body, you know,
31:12
it's giving me more confidence. And you know, as I've had the
31:16
discipline to get up and go to the gym, it's helped me to have
31:19
a better, more productive day. It's helped me to be in a better
31:22
mood. It's helped me to say to myself,
31:24
you know, if I could get up and go to the gym every morning, I
31:26
could make an extra few minutes to, you know, read the word and
31:29
to pray every morning as well, right?
31:32
All these things are connected. So once you start to build
31:34
discipline in one area, it leads through into other areas of your
31:38
life. And in the converse is true too.
31:40
If we start to get lazy in one area, we start to feel lazy in
31:45
other areas as well. And as I mentioned, I really do
31:47
believe that mentally, physically, spiritually,
31:50
emotionally, we should try to be the best that we could be.
31:53
And we should really focus on being as healthy and all those
31:56
elements because, you know, it's really hard to be strong in one
32:00
or more of those areas if we're really suffering, right?
32:03
I mean, if you're really physically, you know, unable to
32:05
do things, especially things that you know you should be able
32:09
to do that you just don't do because you're not taking care
32:11
of your body, that's going to take a toll on you emotionally
32:14
and that's going to drain you mentally.
32:16
I know I think a lot better and I'm a lot more clear and focused
32:20
when I get my workouts in versus, you know, when I don't.
32:23
And that bleeds over into, you know, how I feel emotionally and
32:26
how I'm able to, you know, show up with my family and show up in
32:29
my, in my workplace and when I'm, you know, working with
32:32
clients because everything is connected, you know, and I think
32:35
that God, you know, he wants to transform every aspect of our
32:39
being. And that's something that we are
32:40
in the process of doing. And one day we are going to have
32:45
glorified bodies like Jesus did when he was resurrected, and
32:48
then we won't have as much of an issue.
32:50
But until then, while we're still in this flesh, it's always
32:53
going to be a struggle and it's going to be a battle.
32:55
And it's something that I think, you know, as men, for us to show
32:58
up well and to meet our responsibilities and that we
33:00
should focus on improvement. I like that.
33:04
It's good. And so let's talk a little bit
33:08
more about leadership. You know, especially when you
33:12
know it, when you're a leader, it's really easy sometimes to
33:15
lead with performance, right? You, you're, you're putting on
33:19
this performance because you want everybody to think a
33:21
certain way about you. But leadership really should be
33:24
without performance, right? It should be something that you
33:26
just do. And so in your experience, what
33:30
is the difference between leadership that looks good on
33:33
the outside and leadership that actually does what it's supposed
33:38
to and it helps transform people?
33:42
Yeah, yeah. So I think you know, what it
33:45
comes down to was the intent of the heart, right?
33:47
So just like I believe that God wants us to act out of love more
33:51
than he wants us to act out of obligation.
33:54
People can usually tell if you're leading them in a way
33:57
that is going to glorify you or if it's going to be beneficial
34:01
for the team. In other words, if you are
34:03
acting in a selfish manner or in a self sacrificing manner,
34:07
right. One of the leadership concepts
34:09
that I love focuses on windows and mirrors.
34:12
In other words, anytime the team is successful, the
34:15
organizational, the organization is successful, there's a win.
34:20
The leader should look out the window.
34:21
They should look out the window at the team and who to give
34:25
credit to because they shouldn't be taking the credit.
34:28
They should be looking for who can they recognize?
34:31
How do how do we use this win to motivate people to doing the
34:34
better next time? And likewise, when there's a
34:36
failure, when things don't go according to the plan, the
34:40
leader should look in the mirror because as the leader of the
34:42
organization, that's where the responsibility lies.
34:46
So, you know, windows and mirrors and knowing when to look
34:49
in the mirror versus looking out the window is going to be very
34:53
huge and developing the culture that you want to develop as a
34:57
leader. And so you got to think about
34:59
that. What kind of culture do you want
35:00
to create? Do you want to create a culture
35:01
where everyone is really trying to do the best for themselves
35:05
and look out for themselves and they don't really care about the
35:07
success of the team or the organization?
35:09
Or do you want to create a culture where people take
35:12
personal responsibility and they put the goals and the success of
35:16
the business over their personal or individual success?
35:19
And that's a concept that's, you know, not really as common today
35:24
as it might have been, you know, 50 or 60 years ago when people
35:27
tend to stay with the company for most of their career.
35:30
Now, you know, a lot of folks tend to bounce around from
35:34
company to company, partially because, you know, they are
35:37
looking for advancements are partially because just the
35:40
nature of businesses, it's, you know, not always possible to
35:43
stay with one company your entire career.
35:45
Different things happen. There's layoffs, there's budget
35:48
cuts, there's all sorts of reasons why a person might not
35:50
stay with the company anymore. So it it becomes harder to think
35:54
about the team and what's best for the team when it might be a
35:58
team that you're new to or a team that you know, you might
36:01
not be a part of in five years, right.
36:04
But people could sense your motives.
36:06
They, they can sense your motives and, and whether you,
36:09
you know, think you're trying to hide it well or not, people can
36:12
usually pick up on the subtle clues that tells them whether
36:14
you're in it for yourself or you're in it for the team.
36:17
So I think again, it goes back to, you know, you know, if
36:21
you're following the leadership principles of Christ, if you
36:24
want to be a leader who cares and is trying to really elevate
36:28
the performance of everyone and create a culture where a
36:32
continuous improvement takes place and transformation can
36:35
happen, then those are the sort of things that you should think
36:38
about that. Yeah.
36:41
You know, when you think about a leader, you know a good leader
36:44
is also a follower. And so if you're if you're
36:47
jumping around quite often from company to company, whether it
36:51
be your choice or not, when you first come in, you have to be a
36:54
follower before you can step into that leadership position.
36:57
And people need to just see you for you and just be the team
37:01
player. And that's what's important
37:03
because I've seen time and time again where people come in and
37:05
they're like, oh, look at me, I'm all high and mighty.
37:07
I have all these degrees and, and everything, you know, And
37:09
then they just, they, they get the cart before the horse, so to
37:12
speak, and they just go nowhere because they don't build that
37:16
trust, you know, and they don't allow for that natural
37:21
transition to take place. And so that's a good analogy.
37:26
I like that. And you know what, I just want
37:29
to take a quick pause here and talk to the to the listeners.
37:32
You know what, we've been talking a lot about being lean
37:34
and and transforming yourself essentially from the inside out.
37:40
And if something that we've talked about in this first part
37:42
of the episode has spoken to you and you're like, man, this name
37:46
just keeps coming to mind. Take a minute and share this
37:49
episode with them because you never know, it might be just the
37:52
thing that they need to hear. Excuse me, so would you just
37:57
take a moment and send this episode to him?
37:59
Because again, you never know where a transformation might
38:02
begin with just that simple message.
38:06
Thank you for doing that. And now I want to get back into
38:10
it. I'm done with the the promos.
38:12
But you know, we've had some really good points brought up
38:15
here and there's when when you're going through a time of
38:20
change and you're cutting out the lean stuff and you're
38:23
leaning yourself down, that often can come with pain and
38:27
pressure and, and things like that as as you're experiencing
38:31
the growth. And so question for you is,
38:34
what's a season where pressure exposed something within you
38:40
that had to change? And what did that transformation
38:44
cost you personally? Yeah, great question.
38:48
So, you know, there have been several times in my life where,
38:53
you know, I was essentially, you know, in situations where I was
38:58
forced into change, right? So I think back to like 2017, I
39:02
got laid off from a company that I worked for for 13 years and I
39:06
was laid off for nine months before God used that opportunity
39:11
to provide me, you know, with a even better job.
39:15
And then a couple years later, I was in a bad motor, like a cycle
39:18
accident. I broke three ribs, I broke my
39:21
wrist. I was, you know, scratched up
39:23
from head to toe. And you know, I've always
39:26
already, I've already been a big guy most of my life, but I got
39:28
to my heaviest weight during this time.
39:30
And man, I'll tell you, Wesley, I was just so like down and
39:34
depressed. It was one of the lowest points
39:36
in my life. And I'll be honest, I felt very
39:39
hopeless at times, very depressed, and I just couldn't
39:42
see a way out. But you know, when I look back,
39:46
I look at those as forge points in my life.
39:49
And that's why I named my company Forge Point.
39:51
Because you see, a forge point is where transformation happens
39:54
because it's a place in time where you have a raw material
39:58
that's subjected to enough heat and enough pressure, which is
40:02
built up to where it becomes malleable.
40:04
And then it can finally begin to be shaped and be transformed
40:07
into something stronger and something purposeful.
40:11
And I really do believe that that is how God works in our
40:13
life. I believe that he allows us to
40:15
go through these things. And it's not always very
40:18
comfortable because he's using it to, to transform us.
40:21
You know, when I got laid off from my job, I, you know, I did
40:25
not see that coming and I did not think that was something
40:28
that would ever happen to me. When I got in that motorcycle
40:30
accident, you know, I, I really, you know, realized how much time
40:35
I was wasting just in general by not focusing on my health and,
40:40
and trying to exercise because I could no longer do anything
40:43
right. It hurt to breathe with broken
40:45
ribs. And I sat on the couch for
40:46
months unable to do anything. But, you know, I think that, you
40:50
know, a lot of times people think when stuff happens to us
40:52
like this that it might be God disciplining us for sin that's
40:55
in our life. I would challenge that thought
40:57
because, you know, if you really believe in grace, you have to
41:00
believe that your sin is forgiven, which I do believe.
41:03
But I do believe that, you know, sometimes God does allow us to
41:06
go through the fire because He knows how much more useful that
41:10
we're going to be to Him when we come out of the other side.
41:13
And often that's when we find our purpose.
41:15
And so that's that's why I came up with the name Forge Point for
41:18
my company. Because, you know, there have
41:19
been several times in my life when I was at that forge point
41:23
where without that extra pressure, without going through
41:26
that fire, there would have been no change.
41:29
There would have been no transformation.
41:31
And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
41:32
I'm sure you've gone through moments like that yourself.
41:35
And I'm sure that the folks listening could probably think
41:37
of several times when they've gone through moments like that
41:39
too. And I think it's our attitude
41:42
and you know, how we respond in those times that will really
41:45
determine what happens on the other end, right?
41:48
If we want to resist and we want to play victims or if we choose
41:52
to take it, you know, very negatively, that's going to
41:55
probably limit, you know, how fast and, and how useful, you
41:59
know, the process is. But if we go in and we say, God,
42:03
you know, show me what you're trying to show me through this
42:05
situation. Teach me what you want to teach
42:08
me, mold me into whom you want me to be.
42:11
Help me to, you know, see what my purpose is that I believe
42:14
that God will use those moments, those first points to help us
42:17
start the transformation and to eventually, you know, lead us to
42:21
A, to a more fruitful life. Well said.
42:28
You know, one of the things that I love to do on this show is
42:31
give people action steps, you know, because it's one thing to
42:35
say and listen to a podcast or a sermon or, or, you know, just
42:39
have a conversation with somebody and you're like, man,
42:41
that was really good, you know, and then you walk away and
42:43
you're like, what do I do with it?
42:45
You know, that's good information.
42:46
But what do I do to how do I apply this to my life?
42:48
And so every episode I try and leave an action step of some
42:52
kind that people can take and apply to their life, or at least
42:55
think about applying in some way, shape or form.
42:58
So if somebody is listening today and they're they're
43:00
listening to this episode and they're feeling overwhelmed, you
43:03
know, they don't know where to start, whether it be
43:05
spiritually, physically, professionally, whatever it is,
43:08
they're just overwhelmed. What is one small step that you
43:12
would give them to take that first step towards becoming lean
43:18
and transforming themselves. Yeah, absolutely.
43:22
So what I would say is think of one goal and just pick one goal
43:26
that you want to achieve and then think of the smallest
43:29
possible step and do it. If it's repeatable, repeat it
43:33
for a week. If it's not, then do that one
43:36
first small step the first week and then the next step the next
43:39
week and so on and so forth. I think it this great book that
43:41
I read a few years ago called Atomic Havocs by James Clear
43:46
and, and it was a great exact, there's lots of great examples
43:48
of this in the book. But if you want to start working
43:50
out, for example, maybe your goal is, Hey, I want to work out
43:53
daily. You might start by just going to
43:55
the gym for 5 minutes and leaving and doing nothing else.
43:58
But you do that every day for a week and you build that habit,
44:01
right? You build that behavior and then
44:03
maybe the following week you go for 10 minutes and all you do is
44:05
stretch. If your goal is to get a new job
44:07
or a new career, maybe you start by just, you know, finding and
44:10
turning your resume. Maybe that's all you do the
44:12
first week and then maybe the next week you actually read the
44:15
resume and then maybe the following week you update one
44:18
section of it. So there's no step that's too
44:20
small. Once you identify the one goal
44:23
that you want to to achieve, they become the very smallest
44:27
step. Because sometimes that's what we
44:29
have to do just to get moving. Because a lot of times what
44:32
happens is we focus on the end result too much and it just
44:36
seems overwhelming. But in order to get past that
44:39
overwhelm, we just start with those very, very small steps.
44:42
And then next thing you know, you've built this habit, you've
44:44
built this behavior, and then it starts to change your perception
44:48
of who you are and your own identity.
44:51
Just by going to the gym for 5 minutes every day, you start to
44:54
think of yourself as someone who goes to the gym.
44:56
Just by starting the very lightest workout, you start to
44:59
think of someone who works out every day.
45:01
And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.
45:03
It's about who our identity is. If you really want to transform,
45:07
you have to have that identity. It's about who you see yourself
45:10
as, because every choice that we make is a vote towards an
45:15
identity. And so the more choices we make
45:17
towards a certain identity, the faster that transformation could
45:21
happen. I love that, you know, and that
45:24
goes right along with what we were talking about earlier.
45:26
You know, it's, it's not, it's about not letting your past
45:31
define you, right? Doesn't matter what you've done.
45:33
If you're the person that's never worked out a day in your
45:36
life. Well, you know, just for some
45:38
reason, this weight analogy seems to be going through our
45:41
episode today, which is totally not planned, but it seems to
45:44
work. So I'm going to continue with
45:45
it. You know, if you're that person
45:46
that's never worked out a day in your life, well then that
45:49
doesn't define you. You just have to choose, OK, you
45:51
know what? I'm going to go to the gym for 5
45:53
minutes and do absolutely nothing and start to build that
45:55
behavior and become that person that's hey, now I go to the gym
45:59
every every day or I go three days a week.
46:01
You know, take bite size, take just take bite size action
46:05
steps. It's like the same, you know,
46:07
you can't eat an elephant or how do you eat the elephant One bite
46:09
at a time, you know, or how do you eat an apple one bite at a
46:12
time. You know, you got to just take
46:14
small, but it says steps and you know, if your goal is to go
46:17
every day and you can't, you can't go every day right now, go
46:20
two days a week or three days a week, one day a week, you know,
46:23
just to for that first week, because that just that.
46:26
So I just going, you're saying to yourself that I can do this.
46:30
And then you just, you can't increase it step by step by
46:33
step. And so I love that.
46:34
And so before I ask my last question for you today, I can, I
46:39
can hear some of the listeners saying right now in my head,
46:42
Well, you know, this all sounds really cool, but how do I find
46:45
out more? Like this episode isn't long
46:47
enough. We're just scratching the
46:48
surface. So, Randall, why don't you tell
46:50
the listeners where they can find you, where they can find
46:52
your book and and all of that fun information?
46:56
Yeah, so the best place to find me is on my website,
46:58
whichisforgepointllc.net and my book is available currently.
47:04
It's available on Amazon. You can get it as a Kindle
47:07
download or you can buy a soft copy.
47:10
It's also available on Goodreads as well.
47:13
Yeah, I'm on Facebook as well, but it's just under Randall
47:16
Dupree, not Forge Point at the time.
47:18
So really, the Forge Point llc.net is probably the best
47:23
place to start. Awesome.
47:25
And if you're driving today, please don't pull your phone out
47:28
and try and look that up right now.
47:30
I'll put the links down into the show notes for you to be able to
47:33
find him so that you can come back and reference it later.
47:38
And so now, Randall, the last question I have for you today,
47:41
and this is what I want you to maybe think about for a quick
47:44
second if you need to, is when you look back at your past and
47:51
the things that you've been through.
47:53
And now you look at the man that you're becoming not and not just
47:57
the work that you're doing, but the just the journey that you've
48:00
been on. What do you hope that your life
48:04
points people towards now? Yeah, I love the way you phrased
48:09
that question, Wesley, because it is about who we're becoming,
48:12
right? It's about our identity in
48:14
Christ, and the more we understand that identity in
48:17
Christ, you know, I think the more we will conform to the
48:21
image and be the person that God has called us to be.
48:25
So I'm going to sound a little cliche here, but I mean,
48:27
ultimately I do want my life to bring glory to God and show
48:32
people that really anything is possible.
48:34
You know, I really hope to motivate people to find their
48:37
purpose in life and to pursue it with all their heart.
48:40
Really. You know, I'll tell you that I
48:43
grew up very, very humble. I, you know, I'm the first
48:46
person in my family to, you know, go to college and get a
48:50
bachelor's degree. And it's funny that after I got
48:54
my master's degree, I had an uncle who I think he was, is
48:57
late. He's early 50s at the time.
49:00
You know, he decided to go back to school and get his bachelor's
49:02
degree. And he told me, he said, he
49:03
said, Randy, you motivated me to go back to school and get my
49:06
bachelor's degree. He said, I figured if you could
49:08
get a master's degree, then I could probably get a bachelor's
49:10
degree. And, you know, I published my
49:13
first book not too long ago. And I have a brother who reached
49:17
out to me and he said, hey, man. He said I had been thinking
49:19
about writing a book too. And now I'm, I'm getting started
49:21
and he's writing his first book. And, you know, back when I was
49:26
in my early teens and late 20s, I used to do Christian hip hop.
49:30
I used to be a hip hop artist, believe it or not.
49:32
That's a whole other podcast. And it's funny, you know, when I
49:35
started doing music, I had another brother and some friends
49:39
who started doing music. And I say all that just to say,
49:42
look, I'm no one special. The people around me know that.
49:45
And when they see me doing something, they think, man, it
49:47
must be easy if that guy could do it.
49:49
And then they start to do it as well.
49:51
But at the end of the day, it's all glory to God.
49:53
He gets all the credit. So what I really want people to
49:57
know is him. And just as importantly, I want
50:00
people to know that he made you. And if you're a Christian, he
50:04
saved you for a purpose. And when you find that purpose,
50:07
He will walk with you as you pursue it.
50:10
And if my book Everyday Lean or my company Force Point could be
50:13
of any help along the way, then it's my honor and my privilege
50:17
to be a part of what God is doing and to serve you.
50:22
Love it, love it. Congratulations, Randall, on
50:26
your first book and thank you so much for coming out and or
50:31
coming on, I should say, to Unmask today and sharing a
50:35
little bit about your story and providing the listeners some
50:38
practical steps and some things that they can do to make their
50:42
life more lean and to step into the calling that God has put on
50:46
their life. I just really appreciate you
50:48
being here. Absolutely.
50:51
Thanks again for having me. It's been an honor.
51:00
Well, thanks for joining me today on Unmasked, and a huge
51:03
thanks once again to Randall for coming on today and sharing so
51:06
openly and honestly with the Unmasked community.
51:08
It means the world to us. If something in this episode
51:12
spoke to you, don't let it stop with you.
51:14
Share with the one person that God put on your heart while you
51:17
were listening. You'd never know where the
51:19
breakthrough might start with just a simple message from you.
51:23
And if you want more encouragement, you want to work
51:25
out with me one-on-one, or you're interested in having me
51:28
speak at your church or event, you can find out everything
51:31
about me at wesleyfarnsworth.com.
51:34
And make sure you join the Unmasked community by joining me
51:37
on social media so we can keep walking this journey together.
51:41
Until next time, remember that grace is greater than your boost
51:44
to live, and freedom begins the moment you choose to live
51:48
unmasked. God bless you.