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Breaking Free from Fear at Retirement · Divas That Care Network

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's Divas that Care Radio Stories, strategies and ideas to inspire positive change.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Divas that Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: This is a global movement for women, by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: To find out more about the movement, visit divasthatcarecom.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: After the show.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Confidence in Bloom, where bold women rise, shine and own their power.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: We all face that pesky inner critic what I call the itty-bitty, shitty committee whispering self-sabotaging doubts and untrue trash talk that holds us back here.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: We don't let that noise win.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: This is a space to celebrate the fierce, fabulous women who have broken free from fear, crushed limiting beliefs and stepped into their full, stoppable selves.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Because, let's be real, the most powerful thing any woman can wear is confidence.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I'm Tina Spoletini, your host with the Divas that Care Network, and I will bring you real stories from women who reclaimed their voice, embraced their worth and are lighting the way for all of us.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Are you ready to bloom to your best self?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Let's dive in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Today I'm chatting with Arlene Nelson.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Arlene is a Reiki master, eft and NLP practitioner who helps others reconnect with their power through healing and self-celebration.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: She specializes in supporting single women navigating retirement with confidence, clarity and joy.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Arlene believes healing is a journey of self-honoring where every step forward deserves celebration.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Her work inspires others to rise, release and remember the wisdom within.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Welcome, arlene.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Thank you, it's great to be here.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: So first I want to start off.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Why don't you tell me a little bit more about yourself?
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Well, I am living right now an ever-changing lifestyle.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: I'm going from just a coach and Reiki master into podcasting and I'm getting all this set up this summer.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: So it's a really exciting summer for me.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I'm exciting.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: I think I'm going to be launching my.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think I am going to be launching my podcast August 15.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: So that's lots of work and lots of excitement and and I was kind of I don't want to use the word pushed, but you know, let's do this and I just went ahead and did it and I felt so good when it was done and I made that, made that decision.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: That's awesome, so excited for you.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: So tell us a little bit about your podcast.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: What's it going to be about?
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Well, my podcasts are going to be right now.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I'm looking for single women going into retirement, working with their fears whether it be around money or loneliness or find out the root cause of what the what that one fear is and work on that and help them along, just like I went through it three years ago, and I don't want to see anybody go through that again and go through that like I did.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, to go into retirement happy and and excited and looking for something to do.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Right and relaxed right.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: I mean, this is like that, but that's a stage of your life where you get to be relaxed.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: You get to do what's fun for you, right?
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Because I mean, let's face it, we all work so hard to get to retirement, right?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: We don't want it to be a struggle once we're there.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: So that's great, that's awesome.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: So, obviously, boss, babe, summer to you is podcast creation and all the fun stuff that goes with that um how are you using, then, the season to recharge and refocus yourself?
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: well, I was kind of just everything was on my plate all at once and mishmashed together and finally I took a step back and thought, okay, today I'm working on this, tomorrow I'm working on that, and it's okay to take a day and play In summertime absolutely, take it, absolutely.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: So sometimes I might have an afternoon free and I don't have anything planned and I will just go outside and spend the afternoon Good for you, and so is this like your retirement, like I'm assuming, then, that you have gone into retirement already.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: I have, I have.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And so your retirement is still working.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's doing what I love.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: It's doing what I love, right, it's not work.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: And also working with myself, um and and also um.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: Also, I have to sometimes think why am I doing this at this age?
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: This is crazy, and I'm thinking.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: But I'm not that age.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking young, right, I have some aches and pains, so do more yoga and eat better, right.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I just had this conversation with a cousin of mine.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: We both are 54 this year.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: And we were like where did that?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Like how, how did we get here?
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Our parents were this age.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Right, we're not as old as our parents.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: But when you look at our parents, you know like they're well into their 70s and we're like, wow, wow, like we're getting there right.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: I know Well, I'll tell you I had a tough time in January.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: The beginning of the year was a little bit rough for me due to some siblings' illness and stuff like that, and I also turned 70 in January.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: well, well, you look great, you look, thank you okay.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: So I I don't mean that as a as an insult, but what does 70 look like?
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: I think you look great I well, I, I feel great, I look great.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: But that number for our first few days it was like, oh my god, am I?
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Am I worthy enough to do this now?
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Am I worthy enough to move on?
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: Am I worthy enough to go travel three months somewhere and work somewhere else in the tropics, and stuff like that?
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, I am, and well right.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: What exactly?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Why not exactly?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: yeah and um, and for those, for those girls, those young single girls well, they're young single girls going into retirement.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: For me now, I know it was always the money issue.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Do I have enough money?
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Blah, blah, blah.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: And yes, you have some pensions, but I survived.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: You don't spend as much money when you retire you have some pensions, but I survived.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: You don't spend as much money when you retire, and I don't think anybody takes that into consideration.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: No, right, yeah, because now, like you said, the last time we chatted, you know you had mentioned that.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: You know you're not paying for gas because you're not driving to work right so, therefore, you're not buying.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: You're also not buying clothes.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: That you're, you know.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I mean you still need to buy clothes because you need to still feel good, right, and clothing has a lot to do with that.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Right, we still need to wear the clothes that we love, but we don't need to be wearing, you know, five different outfits every single week exactly, yeah, exactly, and and it's.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: There's just so many factors going into that and and, uh, you know the the first, the few months, well, probably a year before I did retire, I was like, well, checking with the government, how much am I going to make?
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: And nobody would give you an answer.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: And it's like, well, we can't give you an answer until it's your last paycheck.
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: And well, what about a ballpark figure?
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: So I just said, whatever I'm going, it is what it is.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: At the end, if I have to get a job, I have to get a job.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: What do you mean?
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I have to get a job?
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I already have a business, right?
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: And then that, yeah, so you opened yours.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Now I know you did some coaching training, you and I know you did some coaching training.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: You and I trained with the same company.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: How did you like?
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: were you coaching already before you retired or did you start that after?
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Yes, I was, I was.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: I was an EFT practitioner, tapping, okay, and I just the I love the tapping and I went from I was an acupressure massage therapist and, okay, yeah, you know what I've earned?
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: My dues of using my hands and then putting up with the soreness, so, and I love working with the meridians.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: So that's what tapping is is tapping on the end meridians, which is really very, very powerful.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I didn't have.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: I wasn't confident with the coaching I had.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: I needed more.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: I wanted to educate myself and more coaching and how to deal with with clients.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: So that's when I took um, took the coaching course, and I loved it so much that I've signed up.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I'm going for my master's this fall.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow, good for you Look at you, Miss Ambitious.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: Somebody asked me one time when I retired so what are you going to do?
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: I said I'm going to take every free course I can take and educate myself some more Good for you, and educate myself some more Good for you.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: And yeah.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: But then it gets to the point.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: It's like, well, maybe if I take this one more course for a little bit of money, this will this will be my answer, that'll be it for me and yeah, I would have to take that.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: You know, I was going through the FOMO thing, afraid of missing out on anything, and then finally, a couple of months ago, I had to.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: I did a self-coaching script for myself and I thought, okay, what's wrong with you saying no?
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: Honestly, I don't think anybody really cares.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Nobody's going to care that you say no, but you do.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: So take, say no and take that afternoon and go to the park, exactly.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: You still need to enjoy like life, right?
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's here we, we have to live life.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Why live it?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: you know always, like you know at the grind right, like we're not.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Humans were not made to work and stress all day, every day, no right.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: And so we need to.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: We need to like really what's the word I'm looking for?
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: We really need to like, accept that right and embrace that right.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: We deserve rest.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, my in-laws always say rest is dead.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: That's that's.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: One of the first things I learned when I went into my husband's family was rest is dead.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: They don't believe in, you know, taking time to rest.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: And I remember thinking, oh my god, what am I getting myself into?
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Right, because I feel like I'm the queen of rest.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, if I have the opportunity to go sit down with my feet up, I'm gonna take it right, but I mean it doesn't we the opportunity to go sit down with my feet up.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take it, but it doesn't.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: We can't live life like that either.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: We need to balance it to some degree.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Right, Exactly, and it's sad, because it takes a tragedy sometimes for you to realize that Now.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I didn't have a tragedy.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I think it was kind of traumatic and I had to get a knee replacement because I injured it and fell.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: But I felt so blessed that in this day and age they could fix it for me and make me feel good, and that's when I learned to rest without guilt.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Yes and yeah, like you said, unfortunately, like something like that has to happen before we start to realize it.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: And yet there's still some people that still refuse right.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: They're like no, I cannot rest right.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Exactly, there's shit to be done, I gotta get to it.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah so yeah yeah, good for you now.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Obviously your, your life is, I mean your career.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Career now is taking a bit of a jump.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: What?
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: are you doing?
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: this summer to kind of set yourself up for that to really happen in a strong, powerful way.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I think which I haven't done in a long time is I.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: You don't have a purpose.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: You'll get up in the morning and you've got a list of things to do, but you don't know where to start.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: And so this summer, I am allowing myself that one hour to get motivated, because otherwise the day will be half over and I don't know.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: There was nothing done.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see that.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I can see that.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: And so what does that look like for you Like?
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Is it like while you're laying in bed that you take that hour, or do you get up, you do something?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: You know, like, what is your morning routine?
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: look like Well my morning routine is, um, I hate to say this, but yes, I grab my phone.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: That I honestly am trying to break.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Morning routine is and I don't do that very long anymore.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I just sometimes, most times, I just grab it now because the alarm's gone off, or I just check something, or I check the weather or something like that.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: But then I get up because I have a little critter that needs to be fed and will let me know.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: But now, instead of crawling back into bed or something like that, I allow myself to do um, some.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: I.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: I have this five minute journal that I bought at uh chapters long time ago and it's the first thing you do in the morning is you say an affirmation and set a goal for three things you want to accomplish in the day, and then at evening you finish it off.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: By what did you learn from that?
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: and and oh, I think I have that book actually, yeah and, and I have been back working on that again.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I used to do it faithfully, but I do that again now and then I drag myself to my stationary bike and I think, five minutes, I'm doing five minutes.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: While I do my five minutes, I, I tap, oh we tap, and so what does that do for you?
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: when you tap, is that like, does that release, like stagnant energy, or does it get you pumped up for the day, like?
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: exactly you set your intent and it definitely balances your nervous system.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: And then, of of course, at the same time you're by doing the bike, you're getting your metabolism built up and, honestly, when I go there for five minutes, that's the only way I can do it.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I have a hard time doing that, I'll admit it, and usually by five minutes.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: Then I'm on to 10 minutes and then next thing I know I've done 15 minutes.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: I thought, okay, 15 minutes now.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Now I definitely have to do 15 minutes of something else during the day, whether I do weights or go for a walk outside.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: But I love that, I love that and so you do that every morning.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: You know you start off with I'm going to do five minutes and then lots of times, not all the time.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Lots of times it turns into 10 or 15 minutes.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Well, that's good.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: And then.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: So that gives you movement right and I think first thing in the morning it seems to help with circulation throughout the day well it.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: It definitely gets your metabolism going and and some dopamine going.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Like you're bright, you feel better about yourself yeah, I love that, yeah, and it does work.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: And don't beat yourself up if you don't feel like doing it or if you don't do it like, make sure you get back right into it and then celebrate what you've done.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: Give yourself a pat on the back, do Do something.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good that's.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: You know, that's really good advice, because we're all we can all be so hard on ourselves, right Like, oh shit, I didn't do it.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: And the thing is, one day turns into two days, two days turns into a week, and then a week turns into a month, and once you get on that, then it's harder to make that routine happen again.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: So that's yeah, that's really good.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Celebrate what you did do.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: What is one summer habit or ritual you have that keeps you in your true power?
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: What oh my goodness, Habit that keeps me?
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: I think it is the habit of.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: It's okay to take a day and play.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I think that's one habit and I had to develop that habit because it's really easy to sit down.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: This is July Christmas in July, it's easy to sit down.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: This is July Christmas in July, it's easy to sit down watch a Hallmark movie isn't that the truth?
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: you've seen three times anyway, and know how it's gonna end.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: But it's kind of it's kind of one of those things.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: It's, you know, it just relaxes you, but it can.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: It can get a little too far.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: So I've really tried to develop the habit of getting outside and I love that, and it's okay to go outside when it's raining.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: If you're not going anywhere later, who cares if your hair gets wet?
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Who cares if your hairspray sticks to your head or if you have to wear a hat on your head like you're getting outside.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I understand that.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I went to Costco last week with my husband and it was pouring and I'm like, seriously, why am I here, right?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And I got out of the car and I just put my hat you know my rain jacket on and it covered my hair and I'm like, well, it's gonna go big and curly, but you know I'm here.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, it's gonna go big and curly, but you know I'm here, I'm gonna do it right you know what.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: And that goes back to, uh, to the pictures of of your children taking a view that you didn't like about probably, I'd say close to eight years ago now.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: It was like this is me and I just decided that, yeah, it's not the greatest picture, but that was me in the moment, right nobody cares.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And at the end of the day you know, like I know my mom has been like she doesn't like taking pictures of herself, right, she?
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: you know she loves taking pictures, but not of herself and you know, I remember having this argument with her, like when you pass on, like after you die.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I want to be able to show my kids my mom, right, they want to remember you, and one of the best ways of doing that is through photographs, right?
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: If we don't have any of you, we're not going to.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: You know, if we don't have any of you, we're not going to.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: You know, like we don't have them like we're always going to remember, I mean we remember our important people, but at the same time, like sometimes, you want to look at a picture and, oh, remember when we did that.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: If you're never in those pictures, we're not going to remember every detail, right?
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: And so I always think of that, right, I mean if you're looking at me the way I am today.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to remember me in any other way.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: This is who I am Exactly, but it's you know we are our hardest critic, right?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: You look at yourself in a picture and you're like, oh God, I look terrible, right, even though that's what everybody else is seeing and they don't have any options.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Right, they don't get to see like, oh, tina, you need to go comb your hair, or, tina, you know like you really should wipe that face.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Like you know, like I don't know I, we're just really hard on ourselves.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: We are.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: We are.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, I totally get that.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: If you could tell your younger self something, Arlene, one thing about launching a business, what would it be?
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: don't dwell on what other people say.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Be yourself, love that, be authentic.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Because I look back to my younger self and and I mean I think I think I'm the only one in the world that was bullied because of my weight or whatever.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: But that's not true.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Everybody was bullied for something, for something.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: That is so true, isn't it?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: And it's so sad and just be yourself and move on anyway.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: And, at the end of the day, when you're being bullied, you're being bullied because you're being yourself, and other people can't accept the fact that you're being yourself.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: That's so true.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I mean it's sad.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: It is a sad world to think that that's what's happening out there.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: But that is what it comes down to, isn't it?
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: And I feel maybe you know this even more, but do you feel that as time goes on and we look back at what life was back then, we are more familiar with that, like we understand that better, right?
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: yes, sometimes, sometimes when I look back at some of of the kids that bullied me and I have to really be careful because some of those kids are not doing well, either health-wise or job-wise, or I mean kids, they're the same age as me now but and I have to really hold back and say, well, look at you, right, right, look what you did to your system by bullying, you know, right, right but, I always tell myself when I think back to those people hurt people hurt people, and so they were struggling with something that we didn't know about, right?
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: so I think that you know it's not that they necessarily did it to themselves, but you know, they were emotionally, they were going through a lot Right, and they took it out on us yes, right, and that you know was unfair and wrong, but they didn't know, they don't know how to deal with life, they don't know how to deal with the pain that they're in, right, and so they take it out on other people.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: I always remind myself that, right, I always remind myself that that you know, it really wasn't about me, it was about them.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: I know, and that's what I do too, and I did a self.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Well, you know what a self coaching script is.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, you know, I actually did one on myself about five years ago with EFT about, um, my feelings, uh, towards these people now and how that was, was not good for me and my energy to feel that way to send them love instead.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: I love that I, I really and and that certainly that certainly calmed my nervous system down towards that.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Of course it just makes you feel better Because, at the end of the day, you cannot control what they're doing.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: You can't control what they're feeling, what they're doing.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: You only have control over your own thoughts and feelings.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: And they can't control me sending them love either.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Exactly, exactly.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: So the best thing you can do for them is to forgive them, give them space to do their own healing and walk, you know, like take yourself away from whatever it was that was going on.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's so sweet, I love that.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: What do you have like a go to summer productivity hack?
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: um, I, I don't.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I, I think probably it would be my morning power hour.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: No, I, I just, I just want to take that that hour to myself because it's seriously.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: And and then of course I sometimes uh, like, oh, I want to do this from six to seven and I'm going, what am I doing?
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: I'm retired.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: I could do it from seven to eight, or eight to nine if I want why does it have to be six o'clock?
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: you're right, right, like it's whenever I wake up.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take the first hour to myself you know I try to.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I try to wake up and be out of bed by you know eight o'clock or something, because I think that's a good, good time.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I think so yeah and uh, especially in the wintertime when it's dark, you know.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: And yeah, so I I quit beating myself up for that because I was.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I did this again.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: Well, the day's gone, I may as well just lay around and do nothing.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah Right, isn't that the truth?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I, yeah, I've got myself doing that for sure.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: So, let's fast forward to the end of the summer.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: What would you say?
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: What would make you say that?
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, I leveled up Um.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: I think launching my podcast, learning and taking more courses and things like that and you know what, taking the course, but accepting that I'm worthy of starting a podcast.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: I love that and you are worthy yeah we all are.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, I cannot wait till it comes out.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to be signing up to listen to that.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: What impact do you hope your work is making right now?
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: I right now.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I hope the impact is um helping people, teaching and educating people how they can balance their own nervous systems and educate them on how to do it and to keep that up and make it a habit of taking care of themselves, because they deserve it and, you know, overcoming their fears or just even handling their fears and hitting it head on.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I love this.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love this because, mean, I mean you're, you're retired, so you've lived an entire lifetime of watching people go through the career changes, going like going through it yourself and watching other people going through it, while raising a family, while going through like the the stuff that life brings us, and now you get to sit back and go.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, now it's time to like, let that shit go Right.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: And you, you have that.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know you're so calm to like you're, you're so relaxed, like it.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's no pressure.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: You know like you're going to bring that into everyone's life.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: You know we don't.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: There's no pressure now, like now, you don't have any time restraints, right, like you know, you can get up when you want, you can go to bed when you want.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: You can, you know, enjoy life and still do the hard stuff exactly.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: I love it, absolutely.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it took me.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: It took me quite a few years of self-coaching and self-care to be this relaxed.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: So it's not something that you like, you were not.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: You're not, naturally like come and relax.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: I had to work on that.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: No, I had to.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: I had to work on that.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: There was nothing.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: I think probably what comes to mind is road rage and and I mean there was road, that I mean but just little things like why did that person cut that off?
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: Why are they zigzagging through?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: And then I catch them at the light and I think I think my first.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I think one of the big things, important things I learned was when I took my Reiki master course and I remember we were talking and my Reiki master said if somebody's tailgating you and it's making you nervous, visualize you're sending long of the out of your taillights to them and she says and they'll back off.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: And you know I've done it and they do all right.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness, that is so cool.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: You know so.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I remember hearing once that you know when you get, when road rage is not about like the person that's making you angry, it's all about you.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: It is how you're accepting it yeah.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: And, and I remember and this was like years and years ago, and I remember thinking my kids were very little actually, so this was probably 15, 20 years ago and I remember thinking, you know, it's true, like I can sit here, I can have my music on, I can be talking with my kids or they're watching a show, and I'm, you know, it's true, like I can sit here, I can have my music on, I can be talking with my kids or they're watching a show, and I'm, you know, what do I care?
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: What they're doing outside of my car, right?
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: I mean yes, okay, careless driving is an issue, but if I'm paying attention and I'm, you know, on top of things, I'm going to be prepared.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: So now I usually just sit back and I'm whatever.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: You want to be an idiot, go ahead, be an idiot, I get.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: You know, my kids are younger, but they're all driving and so they're, you know.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: Notice my younger one.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: He's honking the horn and and I'm like what, what is that going to do for you?
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Exactly, yeah, and we don't think about that, right, we don't think about, you know, like road rage is.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's getting pretty bad out there.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: The thing is you're like, you're almost scared to like look at the driver beside you today.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, you know, like I said, we are in control of our own thoughts and feelings only, like we don't have control over anyone else.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: If, if we control ourselves and keep ourselves happy and calm and relaxed.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: You know, that's the best we can do for the world.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for joining me today, Arlene.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: This has been so awesome.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: This has been such fun.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: So do you have anything that you want to offer to our listeners, or do you have something that you know, maybe a link?
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: You probably wouldn't have a link, but maybe give us the name of your podcast.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: Um, we just kind of decided last night.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I think it's going to be um, well, we haven't really decided on it for sure, but it's coming up august 15th and it's going to come out on um all the like podcast um apps yes, this will be good, yeah, yeah that'll be good, and then by the time this episode is released, it might even be out and we can add that to our show exactly, and for I I do have an offer for anyone who wants to talk.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: I have a 30 minute free session and to get to know each other and, if they want, I would love to invite them to be on my podcast, because everybody has a story, a beautiful story.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: Everybody has a story, a beautiful story.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Also, I do have that 30 minutes.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: We can also discuss, if you want, coaching, learn, eft, anything to help you along with with with your journey.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: Awesome, I love it.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: We will have that all in the show notes.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: So we will all come back.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Yes, perfect.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to Confidence in Bloom, where we celebrate the amazing, brilliant and beautiful woman you already are.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: You don't have to look like a movie star or a supermodel Spoiler they don't even look like that.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: You are enough worthy of unconditional love, especially from yourself.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: We pour love out to everyone around us, so it's time to give that same love to you.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: If you're ready to step into your power and boost your confidence, I'm offering personalized coaching three focus sessions designed to help you build your confidence, define your personal brand and start creating your own signature style.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Remember, chic comes in every shape and size and the most important thing to believe in is yourself.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Want to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom?
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Reach out to me on Instagram at infobloomstyling, email tina at infobloomstylingcom, or visit the Divas that Care network website.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Until next time, keep blooming confidently.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: This show was brought to you by Divas that Care.
• 34:06
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