Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 39: Holiday Special: Good Soup ( with guest GM Tom Gambino)

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Season One, Episode 39: Holiday Special: Good Soup ( with guest GM Tom Gambino) · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:09
Greetings Gum and happy holidays Kevin here with the disclaimer
0:13
about our two-part holiday special.
0:14
This special contains the coarse language, graphic and senseless
0:18
violence and an extreme amount of ejaculate.
0:21
References like way too many for anyone to feel comfortable.
0:25
Listener discretion is advised. Seriously, we should be ashamed
0:30
for all the ejaculate references.
0:33
So much come. Greeting scum and welcome to
0:53
Flail to the Face. Oh, it's a new one.
0:55
I'm your special guest. Yeah, Variety.
1:00
I am your special guest, DM Tom Gambino.
1:03
And with me is the usual crew. Lads, introduce yourselves.
1:07
Hello, I am Levi. God damn it.
1:10
Do I come here? Do I come here?
1:13
No. You come wherever you want.
1:14
OK, on the face. No, damn it.
1:20
Let me open my mouth. Hello, it's Jake.
1:23
And I believe I come here next. Hi, I'm Thomas.
1:30
Shit. Hi, I'm Kevin.
1:39
Ohh fucking a. Wolf.
1:42
That that was Walt and I'm old. Let's fucking flail this fucking
1:46
Dick around in the air, whatever we're doing.
3:05
All righty, so with this campaign I have decided to name
3:09
it Good Soup, in which you will all find out as the adventure
3:13
progresses. It is the season of Yule, that
3:16
wonderful time of year where people are happy, people are
3:19
singing, gifts are being given, but for some reason you guys are
3:24
in a particularly foul mood and I asked you guys to roll some
3:27
dice for reasons of the season wire.
3:30
What's put you off this Yule season?
3:33
Who would like to go first? OK, I'll go first.
3:36
I drank some bad cum. I ate some shit cookies from a
3:39
farmer when I was on my way to see Santa.
3:41
I'm really upset about it. I'm Scott Bakula.
3:52
Oh man, it doesn't get better. I don't like how my season
3:55
started off, so I'm on my way to have some words with, you know,
3:59
Bah, come rug. Oh.
4:06
Jesus. I'm also a vampire, but that'll
4:11
make more sense as we go on. Oh my God this is so
4:13
overwhelming. Would you, would you, Would you
4:17
say you're a compire again? Yeah.
4:19
No, no. Maybe.
4:21
Maybe. Will you say it a compire?
4:24
Oh, no, no, boys A. Lot of.
4:26
Cum in this one whose? Fault is that.
4:30
Not mine. White Christmas.
4:34
Christmas come all that you pay for.
4:38
I'm so flaccid right now. Come again, this time in my
4:43
ears. I, I fucking, I leave.
4:50
I leave the show. I, I, I go.
4:54
I'm gonna go play dragon Bane fuck.
4:58
Santa's coming down your chimney tonight.
5:00
Oh no. OK, well I got some coal stuffed
5:04
up my ass and I have a few days to wait for for me to pass.
5:08
That fucking demon did. You ever roll the D4?
5:11
For how many 22? Days.
5:13
All right, in two days time that lump of coal will come out of
5:16
your ass. OK, well we'll see if I survive
5:19
that long all. Right.
5:21
Who is next? Well, my character got a
5:26
horrible itchy case of the pox from a one night stand outside
5:30
of Schleswig. Oh.
5:32
Sorry about that. Yeah, no, it's all right.
5:34
I'm sure there's a topical cream out there for it.
5:36
It's. Called Homicide.
5:41
Stop fucking, I swear to God. I was almost sacrificed by
5:50
satanic snowmen made of cum. God fuck yeah.
5:55
Damn it, I left my pit Vipers at home and I ended up being snow
6:00
blind. With cum.
6:02
Oh, damn it, you guys. No.
6:06
I got caught under a mistletoe with a Beales disguised as a
6:10
sexy elf. It was fucking soup.
6:16
And peppermint schnapps. And come I guess.
6:20
No. Why?
6:20
What's wrong with? You what?
6:22
The fucking. I'm not part of this.
6:24
Bit. Oh, this is going to be.
6:32
All right. All right, so you, the the six
6:38
of you are pretty surly, pretty pissed off, kind of grouchy.
6:43
The real Scrooge is walking through town, a little town
6:46
called Hearth, where they're trying to be somewhat joyful
6:52
during this shitty, shitty year. You guys are just not helping,
6:58
just be in your just, and you decided to get away from it.
7:04
You decided to just get away from the town and just walk off
7:07
into the woods. And all of you are just walking
7:09
through the forest. What are you guys talking about?
7:12
How you guys pass on the time? I don't understand how we have
7:15
all gotten kicked out together. This is the strangest that I
7:19
don't know any of you. I said this would be a proper
7:24
time for everyone to introduce themselves.
7:26
Oh hello, my name is Scott Bakula.
7:29
I'm a distant relative of Dracula.
7:32
Unfortunately I have been three times removed.
7:35
I have a weird. Habit.
7:37
Was there something about all that cum you were drinking?
7:40
No, that's unfortunately I was tricked by a farmer to drink.
7:47
It was so Milky white I thought it was just, you know, something
7:50
you put in your coffee. The cookies taste like shit too.
7:53
Oh my. God I.
7:54
Bet it was thick and creamy, that's for sure.
7:58
He called them dunking cum nuts. Jesus Christ, we're going to
8:01
have to delete this episode. That is absolutely disgusting.
8:09
Our very own Ebenezer Splooge. I changed my name to Ebenezer
8:16
Splooge. I've peeked.
8:23
I've peeked in two different ways just now.
8:25
I'm going to leave. Oh.
8:28
My. God, holy shit.
8:33
Yeah, following behind that wonderful individual is a body
8:39
made of clockwork. Winding gears in the chest
8:43
cavity is like a dog carrier, and it has a snarling little
8:46
vicious dog like a rat terrier. Oh, it's a Pekingese.
8:50
And the individual has no hands. I have a claw hammer on the left
8:55
hand and just a straight blade on the right.
8:58
And you could kind of see like, like arcane glowing in its eyes
9:02
is just kind of like surveying the rest of you.
9:04
What's your whole deal? I was wondering to say.
9:07
But happens to be a bit of a complex back story.
9:14
I ended up in this body and I am still kind of getting used to
9:20
it. And he like, goes to like lean
9:22
on a tree and just kind of like impales the sword into the tree.
9:27
I mean, you are a dog, maybe you do not know how to operate
9:31
hands. No, no, this is just you.
9:33
It's my pet. It is gross.
9:36
That isn't me. Wait, what did you say?
9:39
It opens a chest cavity and the dog jumps out and just kind of
9:42
circles around the feet. That thing was snarling at me
9:46
earlier. Keep it the fuck away from me.
9:50
It doesn't. It does not like people.
9:52
OK, I'll kick it. I will kick it very hard.
9:55
I feel like this is. I'll kick the other one too.
9:58
Where the fuck did that come from?
10:00
I sniff a tree stump and pee on it.
10:02
Oh good. Oh, that's, that's, that's,
10:06
that's Nick Snoots. He's a good boy.
10:12
What am I looking at here? I don't know.
10:15
This is a fever dream, right? No, I don't dream.
10:18
I'm I'm dying in my home, right in a pile of my own shit.
10:22
No, you have not invited me in, so how could I be here?
10:26
Fuck, that would be much better than this do.
10:28
You have a home. Maybe we could crash at your?
10:30
Place I did once and I used to have a practice, but doctor
10:34
creature by the way, I hadn't. I put my hand out to everybody
10:38
except for you who is bladed. Sorry friend, nothing personal.
10:43
That's I've reached out with the claw hammer and was like, that's
10:48
fair. I lift up a pawn shake.
10:52
Oh shit, OK, never mind, I might not.
10:57
He's the best boy. And and and I.
11:00
Will firmly take Doctor Creature's hand and be like
11:02
pleasure to meet you. Name's Harold.
11:05
Hey, that hurts. Most people call me Triple H and
11:08
my my closer friends call me Trip.
11:11
I'm sorry, did I hurt you? No, no, no, not at all my
11:14
friend. I I'm happy to be in the
11:17
presence of quite the lively crowd here.
11:21
You know, I haven't been called lively in so long.
11:23
Thank you so much. You have some what dripping off
11:26
your chin there. That's no motherfucker.
11:32
I just thought he had a runny nose to be honest.
11:34
I'm going to take my Cape and cover my face and just my eyes
11:38
are seen and you can see my other hand like kind of
11:40
violently rubbing my my cheeks and my my chin.
11:44
There is. It all gone, Yeah.
11:46
I think you got it. Yeah, that slurping noise, it
11:50
was very loud. Farmer said it was not very
11:54
fresh. I walk away from him but like I
11:56
just got off of a horse. You're OK there.
12:00
Nope, not OK. Not OK at all, as a matter of
12:03
fact. There's a lot going on here.
12:07
I'm sure. There's a lot of people going
12:09
on. But we are together.
12:11
Where are we going? Well, I don't know.
12:13
I. That's a good question.
12:15
You just all just started walking into the woods here.
12:18
I was going to try. It yeah, we, I, I was not
12:21
welcome back at the village there so.
12:24
I was trying to pass this demon. That's right.
12:28
And you guys just happen to be here as well?
12:32
I can help you with that. And I pull out my giant chef's
12:35
knife. Absolutely the fuck not.
12:37
I'm good at expelling demons, you know I don't.
12:42
Keep him away from me. Well, I'm just asking.
12:45
You stay social distancing, friend.
12:48
That doesn't exist here, and that doesn't exist here.
12:54
I mean. You you people still may need to
12:57
stay together for warm. What do you mean by you people?
13:00
What? Do you mean to you people?
13:03
Well, as I'm just going to paint the scene here, as time goes by
13:08
and as cordial, somewhat cordial conversation is being made, you
13:13
are somewhat enjoying all of your time together, I guess to
13:18
an extent and from an indiscernible amount of time.
13:22
You guys continue to walk through the woods.
13:25
Then it realizes on you you're you're freaking lost.
13:29
You have wandered so far out of town just to get away from the
13:34
monotony of Yule. Everybody's pleasant.
13:37
How do you do attitudes? You just get goofed up somewhere
13:42
and you're smack dab in the middle of the woods.
13:44
There's almost no sound. Whatever light was there looks
13:49
like Starlight through various gaps of the trees, subtle
13:55
crunching of tree limbs, echoing snarls and bird sounds.
14:02
You're pretty freaking spooked right now.
14:04
Oh. So scary.
14:09
Woof. That dog is so animated.
14:14
So insane. It's kind of tall and lanky in a
14:17
weird way. Have a humans face.
14:19
That's what I was thinking. That's really what's spooky.
14:24
Now that you look at it. Gentleman the Tomaton dog.
14:28
I think we should probably bend down for the diet.
14:30
Oh, sure, Yeah. You know, look, I have this
14:33
little problem though. I have to be invited in for a
14:36
place to stay so. We're outside.
14:38
Where are we? Yeah, we're.
14:40
Going to go maybe because I wouldn't mind crawling into.
14:43
I mean, I wouldn't mind maybe having a bite to eat.
14:47
Wait, what? Nothing.
14:49
Bite A bite of what? Never mind, we could all sleep
14:52
together just. I got a little.
14:54
Fucking room too. Coincidentally, the smell of
14:59
food hits all of your noses. I throw up.
15:03
I eat the throw up. OK, you know what make snoots
15:09
please roll me ADR 12 presents. Hey, I'm good at that 115.
15:17
All right, with that 15, you stick your nose up in the air,
15:21
you sniff around, and you quickly discern the direction of
15:25
the food smells and you make your way towards it.
15:30
Do you let your comrades know? I will make another present test
15:33
to communicate with them. Oh God, what?
15:37
What? Are you playing by chance?
15:40
Me. I'm, I'm yeah, I'm a lap wolf.
15:43
Isn't it obvious? Not to the listening audience.
15:47
Well. That was the joke.
15:54
DR13. That's a natural one.
16:00
First roll of the game. I just start spinning in circles
16:03
and woofing and wagging my tail and completely failed to
16:07
communicate anything about direction or food or anything at
16:11
all to the rest of this group. Look down at the other dog at my
16:15
feet. You got anything?
16:18
Yeah, my little dog just runs. Swaps up more Q.
16:22
Runs towards. Me just runs off.
16:24
Just runs off. Oh OK, I'll have him do the
16:28
presence test for my dog. It was a 2, so yeah, it just, he
16:33
just ran off. So even though the dogs failed
16:36
to communicate, they like homing beacons, they quickly find the
16:41
source of that delicious, delicious smell.
16:44
And you come across A2 Story Cabin.
16:48
It's kind of somewhat disheveled.
16:51
It's it's maintained, but it's slightly above a piece of crap.
16:55
You see lights in the windows. Oh, looks like food is home.
17:00
Did we follow the dogs or are we just standing in the middle of
17:03
the forest? Well, let's up each.
17:04
Other's ass. Around this, around this puddle
17:06
of puke. Oh, you know what?
17:08
Do you guys follow the dogs? Yeah, I would have followed dogs
17:12
because, I mean, there's my dog in that dog.
17:15
Yeah, this other weird dog. Forsake of story progression,
17:18
I'll follow the dog. Yeah, what about you, Fisk and
17:21
Scott? Well, I need to eat and.
17:23
Maybe one of these boys will fall asleep, so I'm going to
17:25
follow the crowd. Now I guess I'll come alone.
17:30
No. Thomas I do not have armor to
17:32
protect my feelings. OK, so doesn't.
17:38
Make you anything less weird of a dog, no.
17:41
So you all find your way to this ramshackled house, and like I
17:46
said, it's slightly above a piece of crap.
17:48
There are lights on in the house, flickering candlelight.
17:52
You go and knock on the door and you hear a old man voice go.
18:00
Oh, just a couple of carolers looking for a place to bed down
18:04
for the night, maybe sleep in your house with you if you would
18:07
invite us in. Come one, come all, join us as
18:44
we dive into the dying world of Mork Board and the Board
18:48
universe. Whispers of the Dying Lands is a
18:51
podcast with one mission to spread the word of Necrobel.
18:56
As third party content creators share the prophecies of Verhoo.
19:01
I, your host Alaska's teams up with everyone's favorite scum,
19:05
Iron Tusk Tevin. From Flail to the Face, we sit
19:09
down with content creators to help promote and try to give
19:13
maximum exposure and efforts to support their crowdfunding
19:17
campaigns. The old man opens the door and
19:52
he is a fat bearded man. His white beard is dirty with
19:59
black specks and smudges. He is wearing a brown tattered
20:05
housecoat, wearing thick pajamas, and he's.
20:10
Welding up top but has hair on the side of his head and he says
20:15
I'll. Give you a room for the night,
20:16
but if you start saying I'm going to kick your asses out in
20:18
the snow, I'm. Going to I shove my nose in this
20:20
crutch. Hey.
20:23
Oh, he's just playing. That that's OK.
20:27
You don't got peanut butter in the.
20:29
House. That area hasn't seen a lot of
20:30
action in years. Oh, God.
20:35
All right, now I guess you chocolate bucks could come on
20:38
in. Hey.
20:39
Thank you for inviting. Me.
20:41
All right. No problem, man.
20:44
What were you doing out here in the mood of these woods?
20:46
Nobody comes out here. Well, we weren't welcome in
20:51
town, so we figured we'd walk around in the woods a bit and
20:54
walk some more and walk some more and end up find ourselves a
20:57
little lost out here and then to a couple of good boys down here.
21:01
Scratches both Mr. Mcscoots and you found the.
21:05
Establishment here. That's that's fair.
21:07
I probably deserved it. Yeah, I don't blame you.
21:13
What is it, Yule? Is it Yule again?
21:16
I believe it is that time of year, Sir God.
21:19
Damn it, I hate you. Wouldn't happen to have a set of
21:23
pit pipers and like a lost and Hon or anything around here,
21:27
would you? But I don't got lost and found
21:29
and I don't got 2 snakes. I'm sorry.
21:32
I was just going to say this does not look like snake
21:34
friendly weather. No, no eye protection do.
21:39
You wear snakes on your eyes, you're not afraid of them biting
21:42
them. I'm not flesh and blood.
21:44
And he, like, taps on the side of my armored body.
21:49
It's not like I'm going to bleed.
21:53
The old man knocks on your chest.
21:56
Like. You're an Iron Man.
21:58
That's interesting. Don't do that again.
22:01
Sorry, I should have asked. I'm sorry.
22:04
Consent is key. I'm sorry.
22:06
I. Know that's life.
22:08
Sir, what was your name? My name is Viggo Staff.
22:12
Would you mind spelling that? Because I'm going to write that
22:14
down. VIEGL STAF.
22:20
That's how I thought it was spelled.
22:22
Mr. Vehicle Staff, my name is Harold.
22:24
Hey, that hurts. Triple H to most people.
22:27
Trip. To my friends, it's very kind to
22:29
meet you. And thank you for opening up
22:31
your doors and letting us stay of the night.
22:33
Much appreciated. Thank you.
22:35
It's nice to meet a man who appears to have a pedigree.
22:39
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but.
22:41
We got a couple of dogs right here.
22:44
They are. We have a few pets, I know that
22:46
one stiffed my my crotch earlier.
22:49
He's. Hungry.
22:52
Speaking of hungry, the dogs did track down a a scent.
22:58
Do you have something cooking? Yeah, I got some soup cooking in
23:02
the stove. I guess you boys want some soup,
23:05
huh? Well, we'd be mighty obliged if
23:07
you were willing to share. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:11
And he sort of a old man shuffles his way to the cauldron
23:15
of stoop and pulls out six wooden bowls and six wooden
23:21
spoons. And he starts ladling this murky
23:26
brown liquid into these bowls of undiscernible ingredients.
23:33
If you want to. Discern what these ingredients
23:35
are. You all can roll deep.
23:37
Well, it's not white. That's what I.
23:42
It's not Creedbase, got it. Then why do they call them
23:45
wiggle staff? I couldn't tell you.
23:49
I don't know. I want to find out.
23:51
Oh. Not I made a.
23:53
Horrible mistake. You did this to you I.
23:56
Did I did this to me? All right, OK, what?
24:03
What? 'D Y'all roll.
24:05
It's not. Harold's just going to dive
24:07
right in. He doesn't.
24:08
He's not going to try to figure out what the hell it is.
24:10
All right, Triple H Soup's pretty Dang good.
24:14
It's nothing to write home about but it fills you and warms you
24:17
up on on this cold Yule season nights and and you all are just
24:25
feasting upon the suit you wear. Ferris is going to try to like
24:30
get his bowl down to his dog, but since he doesn't really have
24:33
hands, it just kind of like falls over and onto the floor.
24:36
My name is not fucking Harold. I don't just fucking eat this
24:39
goddamn soup. I roll the five.
24:41
I roll the seven. Yeah, it looks like soup, guys.
24:48
It is pretty good. Gentlemen, dive in.
24:51
This is D lightful. It's not too bad.
24:54
Did my 15 get me anything? Oh, did your 15 get yourself?
24:58
Yeah, you can tell that is made from various animal parts that
25:04
he has scraped from the forest, various root vegetables that he
25:06
has harvested, type of sweet potato, maybe some spices gotten
25:11
from a mountain patch. So maybe some squirrel, some
25:15
possum? Maybe a little bit of woolness?
25:18
There. There is, there is.
25:20
Cabbage. Kind.
25:21
Of. Spicy.
25:22
That's yeah, that's the, that's the zestiness you taste.
25:26
Between. The bites in here.
25:28
Between bites, I say to you, I say you.
25:32
This is a delightful blend of flavors, savory and fruity and
25:39
nutty. Reminds me quite a bit of soup
25:42
that they used to serve at a pre fathmooey and eatery back home
25:46
that my owners used to take me to.
25:47
Because I can talk to other animals, just not humans.
25:51
You, you at the moment is just like snarfing it up off the
25:54
floor, It's like. What?
25:57
Indeed, Vagal staff. Looks young as I'm.
26:02
Glad you're enjoying the soup, it's the best I can get in this
26:06
friggin weather. It's high wagon.
26:08
It's the least I hate this season, you know, everyone's
26:12
wearing closed toed shoes and it's very annoying.
26:17
It's sickening, it's gross. We need to free them puppies.
26:23
That's what I always say. Wait a minute, what are you
26:27
talking? About what do you mean?
26:30
I'm talking about open shoes, baby.
26:36
I mean, maybe in the summertime, in the summer.
26:43
I have never. I spent ten years in the plague
26:47
pits and I have never met a group of near to be corpses.
26:53
I have wanted to be around less. That being said, I really like
26:58
the soup. Thank you.
27:02
Legal staff looks at you, Scott Bakula.
27:06
How about you, son? You enjoying the soup?
27:09
I'm sorry, let me go ahead and take a bite of the soup I'm
27:13
going to. Throw my Cape over my face and
27:14
pull the bowl under the Cape and I'm going to slowly dump it on
27:19
the floor. Before you do that, you do smell
27:23
a little bit of something familiar in it.
27:25
There is some blood sausage in it.
27:28
Oh fuck me and I'm going to stop pouring and then.
27:34
Oh yeah, that is. Oh, oh, I know where you've
27:37
gotten this blood sausage from. It's delicious.
27:41
Yeah. This is.
27:43
His name was Gary. Yeah, Gary tastes good.
27:46
I knew I tasted a hint of Gary. That sounded about.
27:49
Right, Gary's great. Fuck.
27:52
The other white meat, that's what I always call him.
27:55
Yeah, fuck that guy. He owed me 27.
27:58
Fuck Gary. But you know, it's it's not the
28:03
most traditionalist soups, but it's what it's what I had
28:07
around. It's.
28:09
A dead guy named Gary. Yeah.
28:13
But he was. Around.
28:16
A rotund gentleman, that Gary. Yes.
28:19
I prefer the term spacious gentleman.
28:23
I will add that to my repertoire.
28:24
I enjoy it as well. Yes you know it's customary that
28:29
stupid traditions. We always make soup around this
28:32
time of year. Perfect I.
28:37
Yes. Oh no, you seem to have had the
28:42
throat. No, I I'm more concerned about
28:46
the the implication that is anybody else concerned?
28:50
Concerned about what? You.
28:54
You. You.
28:56
I'm just taking soup for y'all. Yeah, last man I stopped in
29:01
there, slept over at this house. He fucking gave me shit cookies
29:03
and fucking cum this gross. Jesus.
29:07
Yeah, you know the man. Yes, Jesus, Yes, we know.
29:11
Him. Yeah.
29:13
Hey, Zeus. Delightful fellow.
29:15
Just don't need his cookies. Anyway, around here we always
29:19
make soup in the winter. Fucking stupid addition.
29:21
Fucking. That's because the tradition of
29:23
Saint Nicholas. Oh fuck that guy.
29:26
I'd like to get my teeth into anyone's neck.
29:28
It's that little cock sucker. Well, take in the.
29:32
Neck. What?
29:33
What do you? Yeah.
29:34
Very simple. Sorry, no, I meant.
29:36
I meant. Beef.
29:37
Beef with his neck. You know, because he's so fat,
29:40
Joel. What?
29:41
Nothing. What?
29:42
Who you want? Your beef in his neck.
29:45
Oh, you know, Markham rug. You know, fuck Santa.
29:49
Who must be new around here. Saint Nicholas wasn't fat.
29:52
Oh shit, I seem to have gotten my people mixed up.
29:55
Yeah, this Saint Nicholas, he was a fucking beast of a man.
30:00
They called him the Bloody Claws.
30:03
He was the best fucking warrior this region has ever known.
30:07
Damn. Sounds hot.
30:10
Put that thing away. Motherfucker.
30:13
Was 7 feet tall, had a white beard, chiseled like a fucking
30:19
sculpture. He didn't even have a weapon, he
30:22
would just go running into battle with nothing but his bare
30:25
hands. He had bare hands.
30:30
You're God damn right he did. Sounds terrifying.
30:34
Now this is a man of legend, right?
30:36
Yeah, this is a man of he helped make this season.
30:40
Well, good thing we don't have to get into contact with that
30:44
fella, I tell you what. That dude's been dead for years.
30:48
Bears and years. Why do you know someone
30:51
unfortunate? He's famous.
30:53
In fact, there's a legend on his deathbed.
30:58
He didn't want to go out like a fucking Sissy heath and feathery
31:06
pillows. He demanded that over 100
31:11
warriors fight him to the death. And then when the baton was all
31:15
done, he wanted everybody to be thrown in a massive hit and have
31:21
all their corpses be made in Stew.
31:23
Oh shit. Oh, it sounds like a man's man.
31:26
Got my kind of party. And he believed that he was
31:32
given ungodly strength by some creature, and he wanted to have
31:38
his strength endued into everybody.
31:41
So he thought the best way to do that was to boil his fucking
31:45
self into some water and the blood and guts of other warriors
31:50
that he killed. That's.
31:52
Medalist fuck. That's cool.
31:54
That's cool. What I tell you, I bet that's
31:57
great are. You saying we should maybe pay
31:59
tribute to this? Yeah, this is exactly what I was
32:02
talking about. The shit that I was worried
32:04
about, You know, the multiple people, the humans and a Stew.
32:08
The fact that we're all here. Yeah, yeah, there, there, there
32:11
is leads over and to the doctor creature and it's just like, I'm
32:16
not so sure this is a great place to stay the night.
32:21
I am so glad that there's another person clenching their
32:24
butt hole as tight as I am. Oh God.
32:27
Yeah, I know. It's a mechanical.
32:30
It's got a shutter. If only my phone loose it just
32:34
falls right out. I.
32:36
I was not surprised to hear that in any way.
32:40
OK, OK, let the man finish the story.
32:43
I'm actually very enthralled by this.
32:45
I'm I'm having a hard time not believing that we're going to
32:48
get about another 4 minutes into this story and start fearing
32:52
feeling woozy or. What?
32:54
What are you talking about? Dad, let the let the man finish
32:59
the story. Let's see where it's going.
33:02
Well, first of all, I can assure you there is nothing wrong with
33:06
my soup. There are no drugs in it apart
33:08
from the moon cabbage. Yeah, so good.
33:10
Hey, it. Was legalized.
33:12
Very spicy. Legalize it.
33:18
Sports 1 is somewhere in the rat.
33:20
And he knows his elbow. I'm going to I'm going to elbow
33:24
him back a little bit and give him a a weird half smile.
33:28
Yeah. Yeah, swear to God, if those two
33:31
hook up, I'm out. I'll stick around for a few
33:35
minutes, I suppose. But.
33:42
And that's when Eagle staff gets in close and he goes, you know.
33:47
There's a legend that that soup is out there out in that woods,
33:52
and anybody who drinks it could get the power of Saint Nick.
33:57
You have. You have my attention, you do.
34:00
So you mean to tell me that there is a magical soup out in
34:03
the middle of this force here that's going to imbue somebody
34:06
that drinks it some sort of magical powers?
34:10
That's exactly what I'm saying. OK, how dangerous could it
34:14
possibly be to find the soup in the woods?
34:17
Oh yeah, it couldn't be very dangerous to find the soup
34:19
that's made out of 1000 people that a legendary man killed, I
34:25
mean. To each their own, but this guy
34:29
sucks on toes. I mean.
34:31
Yeah, he's the weird one for sure.
34:33
Yeah, I. What do you think of this
34:37
situation? I'm over by the hearth, rolling
34:40
around on my back with my legs in the air.
34:44
Yeah, that's good, boy. He's.
34:47
So high. He's ripped out of his mind.
34:52
That dog is not used to edibles. Not at all.
34:57
Watch out, he's going to have. Is that a red rocket?
34:58
Never mind. Start having a fucking panic
35:01
attack pretty soon here. So vehicle staff maybe, perhaps
35:05
you can. Share where the soup is.
35:08
Since you seem to know so much. You want to know about soup?
35:13
Oh, I would. And Scott's going to lean in
35:15
closer. Oh, I would love to hear about
35:17
your soup. I'm going to go outside and
35:20
struggle to take. A shit yes, you go have a
35:22
cigarette or whatever. There's a the latrine is out
35:26
around the back of the house. What do you need to say?
35:30
You can go. Correct.
35:38
Fuck. You're.
35:40
Fucking out there, yeah. You're gonna get fucking.
35:42
Eaten out there? Yeah, you'll see.
35:44
We'll see. I'll I'll wait, I'll wait a
35:46
couple minutes and then I'll be like, oh, he forgot his butt
35:49
napkins and like grab like an Afghan and just take it out
35:53
following out there. Leave me a couple of them.
35:56
Dude. Waps.
35:56
I need a couple of them. What the fuck?
36:00
He's always leaking. Not sponsored.
36:02
I got a core kids. You know Jesus put.
36:05
One of those papers over in my brown eye.
36:06
Bam, no shit stains in my end. Oh boy, holy shit.
36:13
OK, so Scott Macula, Beagle staff, leans into the group and
36:18
whoever whoever wants to hear. The soup.
36:22
If you keep going into the woods, you'll still find it.
36:26
N southeast north is would say for where you go.
36:30
Oh so. You're telling me it's one of
36:32
those magicals? Yeah.
36:34
Like a magical wood sting where wherever we fucking go, we end
36:38
up where we need to be. Yes.
36:40
Yeah, the woods have a way of driving you where you need to.
36:44
Go and both intrigued and creeped out by you.
36:48
But if but if the soup is what you're after, you got to be
36:53
careful because it's guarded. By what?
36:57
By I don't fucking know. No thanks.
37:02
That's useful information for sure, yeah.
37:07
Not much of A. Bye come slugs.
37:09
Has anybody ever gone out there to get this soup?
37:13
I heard one creature creature hasn't found it yet but he wants
37:17
to get his fucking bits on it all for himself.
37:21
Did I hear my name, Demon? Oh, quit peeking through the
37:24
window. Sorry, it was just nice to try
37:26
and take a shit out in the cold. You need a dude What?
37:30
I don't think it's going to be necessary.
37:34
I don't think it's going to be necessary, friend.
37:37
Let me know if we need some help, I can give you a good
37:39
squeeze. Yeah, no, let me just shut the
37:42
window that's going to. It's going to ruin the
37:44
atmosphere of the story. It's.
37:45
So dark all. Right.
37:47
I'm going to. Where was that?
37:49
Where was that? Oh.
37:52
Suck. Oh yeah, I've heard that there's
37:58
a monster that only wants it for itself.
38:01
It's 8 feet tall, it's covered in black bird, the lights in the
38:05
screams, children and he goes by the name.
38:08
Uncle Ricky Krampus. I know him by Uncle Ricky.
38:16
No, I don't think it's Uncle Ricky.
38:18
Well, he goes by the name Krampus, I guess.
38:20
Maybe he might have might be named Little Ricky in another
38:23
region of the world. You know, myths and tales are
38:26
told in all various different parts, each somewhat similar yet
38:31
slight differences. Yeah, yeah, that's what I
38:35
thought. Yeah, Uncle Ricky.
38:41
So you mean to tell me we just start wandering around the
38:43
woods, we'll end up coming up on this magical soup and possibly
38:47
run into uncle 8 foot fur bearing demon you say?
38:53
Uncle Ricky? Yeah, that's what you said
38:54
there, Fisk. Yeah, I remember you saying the
38:56
boy. It's weird because he has
38:58
nerves. Her feet, it's weird.
39:00
Well, I mean, who's toes? Toes are the.
39:04
Same thing in it. Toes aren't the same.
39:06
Toes are. Yeah.
39:08
OK. All right.
39:10
Well, that sounds terribly horrible, but I mean, I mean.
39:15
I don't know. I suppose if that's what you're
39:17
looking for, yeah. I mean, if I'm Tom, too old to
39:20
find it now, but if I was in your guys's prime, I'd go get it
39:25
if it meant being the strongest motherfucker alive.
39:28
Yeah, I want to go beat up that farmer.
39:30
Yeah. Yeah, well, how about we take a
39:33
break and we can go do this later?
39:35
Yes. I'll catch Eagle staff in his
39:37
bed later. I mean, I'm going to go lay
39:40
down. Oh my God, me.
39:43
What? Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
40:56
of the episode and Happy holidays.
40:58
This episode features the adventure Good Soup by Tom
41:00
Gambino with Levi reprising his role as Miss Baskins the
41:04
cannibal cooked by Ian Greytide Long Jake playing Scott Bakula,
41:07
the Knots for Not to by Jacob Bond, Thomas playing Ferris, the
41:11
Clockwork BlackBerry by Monkey Moto, Kevin playing Harold Paid
41:14
at Hertz, The Detested Luck Bleach by Nate Seibert, Nate
41:18
playing Doctor Creature, The Plague Pit Practitioner by Nate
41:20
Seibert and Walt playing Mr. Mick Snoots, the Schleswig Lap
41:24
Bowl by Richard Kelly and special guest GM Tom Gambino.
41:28
Check out all these cool things and the respective ex livers
41:30
more pork entries in the description accompanying this
41:33
episode. And while you're at it, check us
41:35
out on our social medias, our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
41:38
Blue Sky and Thread, and wherever you listen to podcasts.
41:42
Make sure to rate, review, and share with all of your friends
41:45
so we can get out there to more people.
41:48
While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
41:50
out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
41:52
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
41:55
time. Shit flail has come.
42:07
To the following. I love I love where it's just
42:11
people saying random shit as it fades out into the music every
42:17
time. I'm just waiting you.
42:18
Want me to get a clean comb on there?
42:22
I think from that everyone, everyone's going to realize that
42:25
this is going to be a white Christmas.
42:30
Necklaces from everybody. Oh my God.
42:33
It is my reason for season. It is actually.
42:38
Yes, shit, right? What flavor is that?
42:45
Suck penis. Oh.
42:49
Blood. Orange.
42:50
So salt and shame. Yeah.
42:54
Little bit of vinegar. I'm glad I got a.
42:56
Point I didn't. Have it in I seen.
42:59
It. Dude, you rimmed it.
43:01
I did not. I'll lick it off for you if you
43:05
need me to. Yes.
43:07
Oh my fuck. Hi.
43:09
And start screen recording now. This for the only fans.
43:14
Screen cap. This is for the bro hubs.
43:18
Can I catch these only fucking hands bud?
43:23
It's fun to watch Fisk Baskets be fucking unsettled by being.
43:29
There's an Uncle Ricky that used to touch him.
43:31
Oh no. I bamboozled sucker.
43:38
Hell yeah it. Had to happen eventually.
43:42
Fucking A. What are you people doing here?
43:49
Get that red thing out of here. What are you doing, son?
43:53
I'm right here.