Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / EP6: Birth Story Baby 2 - Mini Series
Transcript
- Heidi: Hey everyone, it's me again, Heidi, your host, single mom by choice, lover of feelings and emotions, and talking about all things parenting. So, I know I've been gone for a hot minute here. I've been trying to figure out this podcasting world and also learning more about myself. And just a quick note on me, I've been diving deep into human design. I go in and out of these fun phases. I love human design. But learning even more about when I am at my best to talk and when I'm actually not. So I'm really trying to lean in hard here and only give podcast episodes when I'm at my better speaking. It doesn't necessarily mean that I have to be I'm not gonna talk about all the awesome things only. But I want to have the best impact possible. And I'm pretty sure that when I feel more alive and aligned to talk, it's going to work a little bit better. Anyway, that is part of the reason why I've been absent for a few weeks. So I'm also taking off all expectations for myself. Nobody put this on me except for me. That podcasts were gonna come out weekly. I have no idea when they're gonna come out. When I feel the energy to talk, I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna leave podcast episodes and then I'm gonna get them up there whenever I can. just to throw that out there for myself and for you all listening. Alright, so I do actually want to go back into what I was doing, that little mini series on talking about becoming a single mom by choice, the journey to get pregnant with my first, her birth, her early days, then getting pregnant again with a second. And that's where I had left off. I had talked about that pregnancy with her and the what it was like to be pregnant and feel really sick with a two year old. Well, I guess she wasn't quite two yet. No, she had just turned two. With a little peanut. So we got up to d September of twenty twenty three. The beginning of September twenty twenty three or end of August There were people on my birth team who needed to go take care of other things. I had this amazing doula who I really loved and trusted and really appreciated. And there was something happening with her family. So she needed to go take care of that. So she needed to go to a different state. And she was planning to be back on I think September seventh. My due date was September twenty fourth. So we figured that like unlikely baby's gonna come before then. You never know with babies, but the chances were much better that she would still be the she would get back before baby came. And of course she did her due diligence and she set me up with a backup doula, an on call doula, in case something happened while she was out of town and wasn't able to be there for my birth. So she had taken she was she was away. My mom, who was my main support person for the birth, We had talked about this before this time. She took a couple week cruise. She was in Iceland, Greenland. She went to all kinds of places. I don't really remember all the places she went. And she was scheduled, I think, to be back on The twelfth? Or maybe she was gonna be back on the seventh? I don't really remember. Somewhere in there the seventh, between the seventh and the twelfth, my mom came back. Maybe my doula was gonna be back on the sixth. I don't remember the exact dates. It's been a couple years. But it was early September time. We thought we had plenty of time. And those were my two main birthing people, my mom and my birth doula. And because my birth dealer was going out of town that weekend, I also just was like reached out to some friends. I set up backup person who could come to my birth in case it happened to happen over that time when she was gone. I had neighbors who were gonna take care of my two year old if I happened to go home birth. go into birth 'cause I think also the plan was probably that she was gonna stay with my dad. He was also on the cruise with my mom, but I don't fully remember. Okay, so we thought we were all good. And now I just hang in, waiting, I'm really pregnant, done being pregnant, but also didn't want baby to come. I was like, please don't come. Please wait till everybody gets back. This is September seventh. I my mom must have been coming back on the seventh because I had that date in my head. Just wait until the seventh. At least the seventh, okay? Actually telling my baby that. On the night of September third. I had put my sweet little two year old down for bed like I always have, sing her songs, read her stories, tucked her in. She was fast asleep. I stayed up a little bit later and I was I dunno, watching TV. Maybe I ate some ice cream. Who knows? Just having some time after the kiddo went to sleep by myself. And around ten PM I decided I should probably go to bed. It's kinda getting kinda late. My bedtime usually is around nine, nine thirty, so I had pushed it a little bit. And I walk up, I get all ready for bed, I lay down in my bed, close my eyes. My bed is so cozy and comfortable. I'm doing my very best to get as comfortable as I can with the pillows around me. And I am about to fall asleep, you know, that state where your eyes are closed and you're just letting your body relax. I was right there. And then I felt this weird Gush, this weird thing happened. I was like, huh, that was weird. And I thought I already just peed myself or my water just broke. My next thought who cares? I'm gonna go to sleep. And then I caught myself was like, wait a minute, what? Brain, what are you thinking? You need to go see what just happened. You don't want to sleep and pee if you just peed yourself. Also, how would do you not know if you peed yourself? I'm very pregnant. You never know. So I pull myself out of bed, really tired, not wanting to be awake, mm, waddle downstairs to the bathroom. And sit on the toilet. More gushes happen. And I'm like, my water just broke. Huh. Well, what do I do? I'm sitting on the toilet. I had my phone with me. Because I can't go to the bathroom without my phone, you know. Who can? I'm actually really trying to learn that one to go to the bathroom without my phone. That's not the point. And I Think I texted the doula first, but I think my water just broke. And I texted my neighbor who was going to come over to t drive me to the hospital because my mom was supposed to be the one to drive me to the hospital, but she was on a boat in the ocean somewhere. And then my neighbor's husband was going to take the monitor to watch my baby sleeping, my two year old, so that if there was something she needed, he could get to her. and then when my neighbor after she dropped me off And when she went back home then she was gonna stay the rest of the night at my house. So that she was with my kiddo and then her husband was was with she has two kids too. Okay, so I call her and I'm like, My water just broke. That's not good. So she comes over and she comes in. and I'm still on the toilet. I actually had to waddle up and go open the door because Yeah, I had unlocked the door for her to let her come in. And I had put on my I had Puriod underwear, so I put those on. Those were not thick enough. If you ever have this happen, you need lots of pads or you need a full on diaper. I called the doula. I told her what was happening. She had just started an overnight doula shift with an infant and some parents where she was gonna care for the that baby overnight. And her first response was to me was, Ooh, I just started my shift. I don't think I can come. Mama like, Okay. Freak out a little bit inside. That's not supposed to happen. I'm supposed to have a doula. I paid for a doula. Where the hell is the doula? Anxiety running through my head. We did hang up the phone and then she called me back a few minutes later and she said, I'm so sorry that I said that. I am going to get out of this and I will she was gonna watch them and then a different so she's just gonna shift nights. And I will be there. Where are you going? When are you going? What do where do I need to meet you? So I tell her the hospital we're going to and she says that she'll be there. as soon as she can. She has to, you know, transition and wake up parents and you know, whatever else she needed to do. So grateful she could actually come. And then my neighbor comes over. We load up the car seat for the infant for the baby that I was about to have into her car. We didn't install it, we just put it in her trunk. All of my stuff that I needed for the hospital stay for the couple days that I might be there. And she drives me to the hospital, which is about a twenty minute drive. No pain. Don't think I'm having contractions yet. It's lovely drive. way better drive this time than the first time where it was excruciatingly painful, if you remember that from a few episodes back. And we get to the hospital, my neighbor comes in with me, which was so sweet of her to do. She's like, I'm not gonna leave you here until you're settled and like you're good. I'm not gonna leave you in labor by yourself. She would have stayed the whole night if she had needed to. She didn't need to though. And I another note. I called on the way right before we left, when I called all the people. I also called my friend. Who was my backup support person to be there during my birth, stepping in for my mom. So I called her as well and told her what was happening. And she said, Okay, I'm gonna get a little rest. Call me when you really need me. Like when you need me to be there, I'll be there. And so I was like, Okay, great. So she goes to sleep, right? She knows where sh she needs to come. She lives in Denver. We were going to Lafayette. I live in Longmont. It's kind of a middle place. And okay, so we get to the hospital, check in, they get me into a room right away because I'm in labor. My Obi, who I adore and love, was on call that night. And now I was so excited because I did not think that I would actually get to see her. for the birth because it's just a random chance, whoever happens to be on call that night. And I had been in the OB office on that Friday earlier that earlier that week sometime. Seeing a different OB for something that was happening. I don't really know. I think maybe I was having mild contractions. Maybe there were Braxton Hicks contractions before. And there was some reason I wanted to get them checked out. I don't know. I don't really remember. And I saw her in the hallway and she said, hey, if you happen to give birth this weekend I'll be on call on Saturday, I don't actually remember the date, whatever September third to September fourth of twenty twenty three was, she was gonna be on call that day. And I said, Well that's great. I really hoped I don't see you this weekend 'cause someone have this baby yet. But then I saw her and I love her. So she got to do the beginning parts of my labor with me. She checked the fluid. She's like, Let's test it and make see if it's amniotic fluid. Test came back positive. Of course it did. It's not like I'm gonna be gushing and leaking anything else. What else do you gush and leak from your vagina when you're nine months pregnant? You know? I guess they're checking to make sure it's not pea. I don't know. And then we had a whole conversation on because my water had broken and I was not having contractions because there was no pain, not a single contraction, I wasn't feeling anything, I had the option to start medication to get the tr contraction started or to wait a little bit. And the doula it didn't take her long to get there. She had come No, she wasn't quite there for this conversation. This happened right at the beginning. My friend was like, You can wait. You don't have to answer that question right now. I was like, Great. I don't think I should answer that right now. I don't know. Let me wait and see what happens. And then Doula came and then we had the conversation again. And I was like, How long can I wait? I I would rather not have medication if I don't have to have it. and they told me how long I could wait and it like w a while. So we were totally good. They also started an IV and there was one medication I wanted. I was like, pump it into me and pump it into me now. I want the medication that does not make me nauseous and will help me not throw up. So they pumped that into me. Which was a higher dose of the than what you take f the Zofran that I was taking orally earlier on in my pregnancy 'cause that only half worked. Because I didn't want to throw up again like I did on my first pregnancy, my first birth. So I was grateful I would take that medication. That was a great one to have. And I did not get nauseous the entire time. It was lovely. Okay. So We get there. The OB checks everything out. You know, not much is happening yet. But my water had broken, so they had to admit me. Doula comes. I meet her. This is the first time I ever meet her. She's very sweet and kind. I give her the briefest here's what I had talked about the o with the other doula. She also had that from the other doula and told her what I wanted so she could help navigate that throughout the rest of the process. And then contractions start. We're walking we s take this nice walk and stroll around the halls very slowly, just wandering. And I'm like, there's a contraction. Not too painful, not really much of anything. And the contractions just kind of come and go. And we're walking around. None of them hurt. Not at all. And I'm surprised because I didn't think that was possible. I was Just really slow and calm and chill. I would rock on on yoga ball. I was getting some hip squeezes, some back rubs. I was being silly and goofy and making jokes. And it didn't hurt. It was glorious and lovely and beautiful for nine hours. Around one or two in the morning the contractions were getting more intense or closer together. They didn't hurt, but they were closer together. It's like, there's one. And then a little bit later, oop, there's another one. there's another one. Oop, there's another one. And I was like, they're getting kinda close. I know that that means we're progressing here. So I had my doula call my friend to tell her that she should probably come now because I didn't want her to miss it. The whole point of having her there was for her to support me through my labor and my birth. So maybe she should not miss it. so She arrives later, somewhere around two AM, I don't know. And it's not too painful. There's a little bit of like twinge of pain, but nothing bad. And she steps in with the doula and helps in the same ways that my last birth really what really helped with the hip squeezes and the ball really felt really good, rolling on a yoga ball, sitting on a ro yoga ball, bouncing a little bit. And things were going just lovely, progressing well, everything was happening, and then Things were getting much more intense. And some nurses came in. And at this point it was hurting. Like it hurt. There's a lot of pain. The nurses were there, my doula was there, my friend was there. The nurses could tell it was more severe. More it's not necessarily severe, it's just more intense. Like we're getting closer to that time. They didn't know how far dilated I was because I didn't actually really want them to check. I didn't really want to end up on my back and stuck on my back again. I really didn't want that. I knew that I was gonna have to be on my back 'cause that's just how it is at the hospital. That's just what they're gonna make me do. So I knew that but I was like I'm gonna avoid that as long as I possibly can. And the Obi that I have, who I love and adore, she told me later that she didn't want to disturb me because I was like really in it when she went off shift. I think she went off shift around eight AM and I was in intense labor right then. And a different Obi, who I've never met. Some guy. I don't know. He was the one who delivered the baby. He came in and the nurses also while around this eight AM seven thirty, eight AM time when they just knew it was really intense, one of them said, Well, she doesn't want to come in until we check you. I can tell you're really far along and You know, if she doesn't come and you just have the baby, we'll just do it. They knew that the Obi was likely a little tired and wanted to go home, so didn't want to get stuck in a delivering a baby very close to her time where she's getting off. I don't blame her. I still adore her and love her. So she didn't come back in, so I didn't say bye to her or see her leave or whatever 'cause that was in intense labor. They check me, I'm far enough along, and there was this one point I'm standing on the bed, because they were gonna try to do some squats with a bar that they had on the bed. And so I get up on the bed and then I cannot go down. The pain was so intense, it was felt like my body was gonna get ripped in half. And it was like if I squat down, it really literally feels like my pelvis is gonna break in half. I'm not doing that. No. None of them like that. I was standing straight up on the bed. And this was the one intense, super, super intense hour that I had. Intense pain, lots of grunting, lots of screaming. And eventually, somehow, they figured how to help me get down and not stand on a bed. And then I was laying in the bed. The OB came in at whatever time he came in. I have there's people around and I don't even know where they came from and how they came in. And then I was doing all of my might to just push as hard as I could to get her out and didn't want to tear, but also I was like it hurt so bad. I just wanted it to end and I knew the only way to make it end was to get her out. So I pushed and I pushed and I pushed as much as I could, and she was born at eight fifty eight AM. So almost an hour bef after my other doctor got off of her shift. And then when she was out, it was just like, relief. She came up onto my belly and she was laying on my belly. And within minutes she had p I'd pulled her up. Her umbilical cord was long enough for me to do that. And then I think they also had to they cut it. I didn't care as much this time with letting it sit for however long. It was just like, Yeah, whatever. And my friend got to cut it. I asked her too. She's like, Yeah. do you do it. she had b she's been at births of other people that I know. Which is really cool. And then this baby and I and I look at her and I can tell that she's rooting around. And I put her to my breast and I figure out how to nurse her right away. And I was like, Wow, that is so cool, because I struggled so hard with that the first time, trying to figure out how to get my first one to latch and nurse. And this baby just did it within like minutes of being alive, which was so Amazing and so wonderful and beautiful. Just thinking of it makes me want to cry like the happy, my gosh, beautiful tears. this she was born exactly thirty seven weeks. And she weighed seven pounds, eight ounces, I think. So had she gone a couple more weeks, she would have been a really big baby. And let's see what else is important. So then we were there together. They did all the doctor things that they needed to do and they checked her, they weighed her, they Did the test. She had flying colours for all of the tests. She passed them very easily. The Apgar test. And it was just so sweet. My friend got to hold her. The doula held her. And I just felt in love, really. It was one of those births where it was so peaceful and calm and beautiful for nine hours. And I had one really painful hour. So it was about a ten hour mm birth. Maybe eleven. and then she was here. And then I stayed in the hospital for because she was born on the fourth. Three days. Because my mom was coming home on the seventh. So the beginning where I talked about I didn't know when she was coming home. My mom was scheduled to come home on the seventh. So I was like, if I go home on the seventh, then she'll be able to come straight from the airport to my house and be there with me and my toddler. So I don't have to parent alone for the first several days, week, however long we didn't have a set time. It was like until it felt until I felt confident enough and I was like, I I'm good. So they the hospital let me stay longer than they let most people stay because of that situation, because I didn't have a I didn't have help. My older one, she was hanging out with our two families that are we're really close with. They were working together on where she would stay, who would get her to school, who would pick her up from school for those days and nights. my neighbor at one point, okay, here's a sweet story. So it was I'm pretty sure it was on the fourth. It was the day she was born, 'cause she was born in the morning. In that afternoon, my friend brought over my my two-year-old. And she came in and she came up to the bed and she looked at the baby. Her eyes were all big. And I told her, That's your sister. That's your baby. That's our baby. And she points to it and it's baby. Like, yeah, that's baby. I asked her if she wants to hold the baby, and she shakes her head, no. Like, do you want me to hold you? And she's like, Yeah. So she sits in the bed with me for a while, which is so sweet to have her back and holding her. And then seeing how feeling how much bigger she is from this baby. This seven pound baby who was still a pretty big baby. Seven pounds ten ounces is not a huge baby, but because she was thirty seven weeks she felt big, but she was also little, but she was a she's a v a well built child. To see my two year old, two and a half year old, and how big she was. It's like, my gosh, she's like a kid. Whoa, when did that happen? When did my toddler become a kid? It happened when my baby was born. That's when it happened. Because she's wasn't actually any bigger. It just looked like she was bigger because the baby was so small. So she was sitting with me on the in the hospital bed between my legs. I was holding the baby. She was touching her. She gave her a kiss. And they just got to meet each other. And it was so sweet. And I just loved it. I do have thoughts about that. And I wish that I would have considered how she met the younger one, how my older one met the baby. And I really wish that somebody could have come in and been holding the baby and taken the baby out of the room. And then my older one could have come into the room with me and I could have reunited with her first and it would have just been her. Mama and my toddler connecting first and then to have somebody, a nurse or someone, come in and walk in with the baby. So it's like we're the family. We were already family, me and my toddler. And then to have the new baby introduced to her that way, instead of it being like the baby is with me, and now what she has always known is like just me and her. And now mom is holding this baby. It's like, what happened? What's that's confusing? That's mah. Now, however your child meets your baby is just fine. And I really do wish that I would have had that thought, had that awareness beforehand. So if you are gonna have a second child or a third or a fourth, maybe consider having your family f as it exists before baby, and then having someone else go Bring the baby in. Just a thought. If it feels right to you. If it doesn't, don't worry about it. So then my friend, she also got to hold the baby, which was super sweet, and we had a little connection and a little time there. And then they went home. And then I was there that first night, which wasn't bad. I slept some, baby slept, we nursed. It was fine. The second night was really, really, really hard because the little baby anytime I put her down would cry. And fuss. And cry and fuss. So I'd pick her back up and I'd hold her and I'd bounce her. And then she'd fall asleep and I'd put her down and she'd sleep for about thirty minutes and then she'd wake up and cry and fuss. All night long. So come the morning I was really, really tired. I was glad I was in the hospital 'cause there were also nurses there all night long who could help me. There was definitely a couple times I asked them to change her diaper. to swaddle her actually quite a bit. I was like, her swaddle came undone. Can you do that for her? she needs a diaper change. Can you do that for her? And they actually will, just so you know. Let them, just let them do it. Take all the help you can get. And they did that part for me, so they took care of her in that way. I had to track how much she was eating when she was there. And then Then we stayed one more night, the sixth to the seventh. So we stayed from the third, from the fourth to the fifth, the fifth to the sixth, the sixth to the seventh. Those were the three nights we were there. On the seventh, they were like, Y'all ready? You gotta go home. They were like, We can't keep you anymore. I'm sorry. Your baby is fine, you're fine. You gotta go home. I was like, okay. Then I had to be like, who's gonna pick me up? How am I getting home? Because I didn't have that. figured out yet either because my mom was supposed to be the one who was at the hospital with me the whole time and then drive drove us home. Didn't happen. It's okay. So I texted a few people and found somebody who could come and pick us up and she has a kiddo who goes to the same school as my younger one. So she came and picked us up and we drove back to the school actually because we had to get her kiddo first because the school was closing and then from the school she drove us to our house and then we were home and it was me and the baby and my toddler and she was next door so she came home and that first night with the three of us was one of my favorite new family moments. It felt calm. It felt peaceful. I for some reason had energy so I could do things, the things that I needed to do for the kids. You know, making dinner for my toddler. Very basic dinner, probably chicken nuggets, nothing fancy. Doing all the things I needed to do for the baby. And my toddler was just in love with this baby. She called it my baby. It's my baby. Look, it's my baby. Like, yeah, it's your baby, sweetheart. Yeah. Mm got my toddler to bed, figured out the baby situation, how to get her to sleep sometimes, nurse all throughout the night. My toddler was doing pretty well with sleeping then, so she did sleep through the night that night. And then she woke up in the morning and her little pitter patter feet coming from her room, running into my room. And she puts her little hands up on the bassinet and she peers over. She's just tall enough to look into the bassinet. And she looks at the baby and she points and she says, Baby I'm like, Yep, that's the baby. Such a sweet moment of being a mom of two kids. And I loved it for sure. That first night was great. And my mom was not able to come that night. So she had a friend who picked her up from the airport who lives w up where they live in I know Springs. And my mom had thought she would bring her to my house. But she did not want to do that extra drive. She's like, It's too late. I think my mom came in pretty late. she would have gotten to my house I think at like ten PM. So my mom was not there that night. She was not there in the morning. She did not come until later in that day. And I can't remember. I think that next morning I asked my neighbors to take my kiddo, my two year old, to school. I probably did. and to have help picking her up. I might have gone. 'Cause I was feeling pretty good at the b the first few several days after birth, which is just wild to me. Yeah. Well, I've been talking for about thirty five minutes now, so I'm gonna go ahead and end there. I think I might do one maybe. I think I'm gonna do one more with some of the early days and some some really hard things that happened for me in those early days. Yeah, I'm gonna do one more. So there'll be one more in this mini series and then that's that for the early days. We're becoming a single mom by choice of two sweet, beautiful, wonderful, lovely, energetic girls. If this was helpful for you also, feel free to please leave a rating, a review. Five stars really is what helps get podcasts out there and sharing it helps get podcasts out there so they can grow so people can have this content and this information to help them be the parent that they want to be, to work through their own emotional things. This one of course is just about a story about birth so they can feel resonance. if that feels helpful. Okay, thanks so much and I'll see you next time.