Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Marry a Younger Man with Caroline Stanbury

Transcript

Marry a Younger Man with Caroline Stanbury · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and I'm Jenny Garth, one
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of your hosts, and today I'm going to jump in
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: with a fascinating woman that has really refined what leveling
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: up can look like in your chapter two. You know
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: her from Bravo shows Ladies of London and the Real
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Housewives of Dubai. She also hosts the podcast Uncut and
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Uncensored and she is leading some incredible women's retreats that
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear about. So please welcome Caroline
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Stanbury to the podcast. So, Caroline, you know, on this
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: podcast we talk all about finding love again, you know,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: whether it's after been a whether it's been after a
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: divorce or a loss of a spouse whatever. But for
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: our listeners, can you just kind of like rewind and
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: tell us a little bit about your major relationship milestones
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: that you've gone through. And yeah, I think we should
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: start with that.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I think you know, as a divorced woman,
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  Speaker 2: I was married for eighteen years. I've got I had
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: three children. I think at that time they were probably
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: eight or nine when I got divorced, years old, and
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: I have twin boys. And then I had a daughter
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  Speaker 2: that slightly she must have been twelve at the time.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: And then I got divorced after eighteen years, and I
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: think after eighteen years you sort of lose yourself. I also,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: at the same time managed to sort of lose my business, Yes,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: get sued by a civil liquidata, and get divorced all
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: at the same time, me to twenty four year old
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  Speaker 2: and marry him two years later. So I went all
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: the same year, no, well into three years. So yeah,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: it was two years that I married. Yeah, I got
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: divorced the same year I met my now husband and
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: two years later we married.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: So and the year before I got divorced was when
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I was started to be sued. So and everybody said
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: to me, don't this is a crazy time to get divorced.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: This is the worst time you could And I knew
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: if I stayed it would be for the wrong reasons.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: It would be because I was scared of the financial
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: outcome all of these things. So I literally had the
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: weirdest story because none of it should work. I was
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: forty three and I met a twenty four year old
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  Speaker 2: who had lied to me and said he was thirty one,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: which was still too young. But I didn't visit myself
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: married to him either, and here we are, so yeah,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: we're here. We're seven years on and I'm not living
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: under a rock or in a council house by myself.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: So somehow it is just all worked out. And I
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: want to tell whoever's out there. And you know, going
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: through these things that if you push on through these
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: times and the times that you think you will not
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: make it, the other side's pretty darn good.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: What do you mean when you push on through? Like
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: what did you resort to when it came to pushing
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: on through? Like what did you have to challenge yourself with?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Well, I've given you a very very short version. I
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: was obviously, I was being sued, so at the same
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: time as getting divorced. You know, my ex husband hated
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: me obviously because I was marrying a twenty four year old.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Oh he wasn't fond of that idea.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah. No, So you're dividing your assets then, But also
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: when you're being sued, the only way you can get
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: rid of an asset is in a law case. You know,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: if you're being you know, it's giving it to an
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: ex husband so or to a husband or to a spouse.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So you're in these terrible terrible situation where you know
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: that you need that money. Actually, I mean in the end,
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I won my whole case, but like that was a
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: lot further on, and I thank you very much. I
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: had probably twenty five thousand dollars left to my entire name.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I had rent to pay, mortgage, to pay, three kids,
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  Speaker 2: a twenty four year old who may as well be
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: in another dependent at that stage, and just didn't know
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  Speaker 2: what I was going to do or how I was
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  Speaker 2: going to do it. And I'm a very pragmatic, very
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: very you know, strong woman. I've always run everything. I
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: had eighty six employees. I was, you know, I'm a businesswoman.
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  Speaker 2: I can normally solve everything, and this was just something
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  Speaker 2: I just could not solve. I couldn't pay. I'd paid
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: one point one pounds to lawyers if any money left
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  Speaker 2: to do it. I didn't have any money left from
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: anyone to get from anyone. I couldn't work because if
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I went to work, I wasn't getting the money anyway.
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  Speaker 2: The lawyers were, so you know, it doesn't make you
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  Speaker 2: want to go to work because you're not earning it.
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  Speaker 2: Someone else is taking it. So that I was as
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: at bottom as I think you could get like, I
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: really didn't see a way out. But you know, I
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: also knew going back wasn't an option for.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Me, right, you knew that. How did you feel about
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: going forward into a new relationship and really quickly a
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: new marriage, Like what was that process?
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  Speaker 3: Like?
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  Speaker 1: How did you bring yourself into that type of joy?
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  Speaker 2: I mean it wasn't all joy. I mean I went
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: to hospital twice. I think with panic attacks, anyone's you know,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: going into a new relationship after an old one, you
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: kind of panic anyway, and you're going, what am I doing?
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  Speaker 2: You're in a complete On the one hand, it brings
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: joy and lightness. And what I realized was if I
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: am forget the new guy, And that's what I want
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: to say. It's not about the new man. I never
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: left for him, but I had met him at the
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: end of my marriage, right, And what I feel is
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: that if you can have those feelings for someone else
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  Speaker 2: and you're getting more, you know, this kind of joy
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: and feelings, then your other relationship isn't the one you
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: should have been in. You can't steal someone that doesn't
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: want to be stolen. I have plenty of marriage friends
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: whose husbands definitely wouldn't you know, jump because I said,
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: you know, let's go. It doesn't happen like that. You know,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: it's one of you has to be get a ball.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: And I think, you know, what I realized was it
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: wouldn't be fair to stay in my marriage because I,
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: you know, didn't feel like I was feeling with him anymore.
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  Speaker 2: Regardless whether you know, my twenty four year old stayed
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: or not.
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  Speaker 1: How did you know it was time to get out
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: of your marriage.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: When I was happy at out the house than in it.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Ah, that's that's yeah, that's truth right there.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's it's as simple as that. I got
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: asked that question all the time because I used to
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: have a podcast called Divorce Not Dead, which is now
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: uncut and uncensored, and I named it Divorce not Dead
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: because everyone goes, oh, I'm so sorry, and actually, no,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: don't be sorry. I left, you know, and I left
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: for good reason. And actually, you know, it doesn't matter
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  Speaker 2: how big your house is. I don't care how many
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: bedrooms you've got and how many and staff and everything
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  Speaker 2: like this. If you don't love being in it, and
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: you don't love the person that you built it with anymore,
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  Speaker 2: then you know you may as well, it doesn't matter
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  Speaker 2: if you live in this, you know, tiny room I'm
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: sitting in right now. I'd rather be in this if
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: you've got you know, the biggest wealth to me is peace.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, the biggest wealth is peace. That is very true.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I like that a lot. What what is your like?
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: How has that been co parenting with your three kids
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: with your access?
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Well, now it's perfect. We went through We went through
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: helen back, you know obviously, like he's a Turkish man,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: he runs a very big business. You know, I did
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  Speaker 2: the worst, you know, like it's the most embarrassing thing
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  Speaker 2: that can ever happen to a man. You know, lots
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: of women men leave for younger women. Name me a
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: man that you know that a woman that's left for
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: a younger man and it's worked out because normally it fails.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: And then ever we go haha, silly, old fool, right,
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  Speaker 2: and so they kind of wait for that, and mine
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  Speaker 2: hasn't worked out like that, And so, you know, I
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: embarrassed him, and I get that. I can completely see it.
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  Speaker 2: So it took a long time, but he's a very
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: good man, and I think now he realizes we're all
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: in the right place, good and our kids are particularly
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: happy and we manage you know, he's got a girlfriend.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: And the beginning was very hard because I really try
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: to do the right thing, which was like, you know,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: when he was so upset about you know, obviously I'd
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, we can still have breakfast together and
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: dinners together. Well that's ridiculous. No, you can't. You can't
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  Speaker 2: do that. You have to cut.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Cut tis you think that's the key, cut it key's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: That's where for me too, Like I have to actually
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: like delete the contact, like I don't even want to
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  Speaker 1: see the name.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I don't mind as much as that,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: but I mean to keep any normalcy, cannot you know,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: because you're actually lying to yourself, the kids and the
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: everything else. You just have to rip the off. I
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: have other friends of mine that were like they kept
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: their boyfriends or lovers or the people that they were seeing,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: you know, even like after they've got separated from the
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: husbands so away from the children for like a year,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: and they've been going out, you know, going out at nights,
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  Speaker 2: staying in hotels, making their lives uncomfortable, and actually a
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: year and a half two years later, the reaction from
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: the kids is exactly as the same as mine was
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  Speaker 2: day one, except mine's over and now they've got to
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: relive it, and they've you know, they still haven't really
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: moved on and had their life, because they're sneaking around
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: at night like they're having an affair anyway, even though
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: they're not.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you, I too, am married to a younger man
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: and I two have three daughters, three kids, so I
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: can really relate. I was, Yeah, I was ready for
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: something new, and I knew I was at a point
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: in my life that I needed like energy and laughter
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and that zest for life, you know. And I feel
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: like that he brought that into our home during a
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: kind of because it happened very quickly for me as well,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: that we met and got married, and it was just
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: like this is this feels good. This felt good to me,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: this felt good to the girls. So I kind of
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: felt like this is the right thing. So I just
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: kept going with and listening to my instincts. That's all
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: you can do. I think that's it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: It's the instinct and the thing is I mean, you know, look,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: obviously I do a different type of reality TV and
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: you do. But it's still a weird life for any
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: normal man, right.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Was he accustomed to that world your new husband, Sergia.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: No, he was a soccer player, so you know, I
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: mean he's accustomed to obviously a bit of a crazy
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: world because in real Madrid at seventeen, he had like,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: you know, a lot of fans and things like this, right,
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: but no with cameras and living under a microscope and
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: also the horrible things I mean is, you know, people
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: love to write about you, especially if you're good looking.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: And now he's with an older woman, so that must
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: be crazy. I'm that bought him, or he's gay and
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: all of these you heard it all, but yes, everything,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: so but you know, I'm sure you I thought about
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: it long and hard. Like an older man my age
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: or old it wouldn't want the life I lead, you know,
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: all the open you know, the constant scrutiny from people,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: and all of this, and I think you know, as
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: you said, the one thing that hit home as well,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: it's just the laughter. I have everything else. I can
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: make everything else work, but I need to giggle, and
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I need to like have my friend and we just
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I wasn't friends with my ex, right.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Oh and that's the best feeling too, when you find
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: your new best friend that you just can't get enough
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: of and you want to stay with and just deal
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: all of your life with. I mean, it's exciting. It
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: brings us great excitement into your world. And I'm so
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: happy you found that you you got married six years ago,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: is that right? A? Yeah, six years, six years ago,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: and your husband you said, is a professional soccer player. Yeah,
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: that's very exciting, and I'm sure, yeah, all the hell
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: lines must have been bananas with with this whole situation.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Sex slave was sex slave.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I never heave that one.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I rented him. I don't even know how you do
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: that for that many years, but okay, I would rent
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: him if I could. Yeah, just loads of things, right,
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: which is really insulting to women, by the way, because
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: you know, men do this the whole time, all unders time.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Why it's so shocking. I'm like, you know, I'm such
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: a troll that no younger guy would want to be
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: with me. I don't get it. Were great. Older women
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: are amazing, amazing, amazing because we have so.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Much knowledge now and we've been through so many things,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: and I think we've grown so much because you know,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: and then also you, I think you're around the kind
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: of the age that I was when I know a
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: little bit different, but you take stock in what's important
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: in your life because you've had the experience of what
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: didn't work and what didn't feel right and what didn't
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: feel good, and you don't there's no going back to
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that once you've gotten through it.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: No, you know exactly what you want, and I think,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: you know, like I look at younger girls and friends
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: of his that are dating younger girls, and I'm he
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: rolls his eyes, like, you know, I've lost my passport?
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Can you fix this? You know? They you know, it's
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: like everything, Oh, I just want a credit card to
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: go to amez. You know, that's that's it. It's like
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: they haven't there's no chat, there's no there's no confidence,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: there's no like they're always waiting around for them and
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: the guy and everything's on him to do. Whereas you know,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I think I have such a big life already set
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: up that's so exciting. You know, you can go, you
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: can follow it, you can not follow it, you can
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: do It's just every day something's new.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: That first year that you got married remarried and you
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: did it quickly? Did were you ever? Was there a
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: point where you're like, oh my god, what did I
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: just do? Was there ever a point like maybe this
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: was a mistake, Maybe I rushed into this.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: No, I mean not when I got married. I think
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: you know, after after he kept pushing, No before sorry,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: when he kept pushing before, I was like, Okay, everyone
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: told me he was love bombing me. This couldn't be true.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: You know, all my friends that have been married eighteen
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: years or whatever, they were like, you know, in all
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: due respect, you're really great, but like, this is very weird.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: This guy's flown halfway across the world to live with you.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: He wants to be with your kids, you know, all
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: of these things. And then you start overthinking, and you're going,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm wrong, Maybe I'm the silly old idiot, you're right.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: And then I ended up having As I said, I
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: hospitalized my twelve myself twice. I was in my hair
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: salon in La and it was Nikki Lee, Nikki Lee.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: I had to be taken out literally my ambulance with
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: the things in my hair. And I waited three months
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: for that, and I was going, now I was going
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: to leave with them. In another appointment. She goes, She's like,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: take them out, we'll do it again tomorrow.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you know.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: And then I'm going, oh my god, what have I done?
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: You know, I've blown up my whole fucking life and
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I can't go back to What am I going to do?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: And then of course you do think everyone's right. I
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: can't be the only one that thinks this is a
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: good idea. And no one thought this was a good idea,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: you know, and everyone goes, he's going to leave you,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: He's going to leave you. And then I was like,
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: you know, then I just woke up and I was like, well,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: what do I care? Okay, it's going to leave me.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Great exactly, myke'x husband could leave me tomorrow. So so
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: what It's fine, You'll be fine. I'll be fine.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: And isn't that the best feeling? Like as a woman,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: you stand on your own. It doesn't matter who comes,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: who goes, who joins in with you, who enjoys, you know,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: the ups and downs of your wild life, because it's
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: your life and you're living it. And you know, I
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: had I reached that point where because I was very
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: much more attached to staying and security of the family
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and I didn't want to break it up, you know,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: things to check where you're married. I was married for
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: seventeen years. Also, oh, similar to you story. Yeah, so
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: but I wasn't.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I just I come from a different background. I think
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: has a lot to do with it where you stay
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: married and so that was really hard for me. But
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: afterwards it was, you know, the realization that because once
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you attach once you like cling onto something and don't
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: want it to end, or don't want a situation to change.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Once it finally turns the corner and you make that change,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: you make that adjustment, you kind of look back and think, look,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: look what I just did, Like, I can do anything.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I can get through that. What's next? And you meet
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: a younger guy, he leaves you, So what here I
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: am again with myself.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: In the meantime, we're having great sex, having fun. We've
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: rediscovered ourselves. Like you know, I like, at the end
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: of most relationships off to that long you think you're
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: a sexual, you think you don't even like sex anymore.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: You're like, Okay, I'll live without it for the rest
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: of my life. Yeah, maybe I should try, but yeah,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: you never know, didn't go there yet, but you never know.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: You never know.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: My daughter just told me last night we were watching it. Oh,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: somebody got married that she knows two women and she
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: was watching their wedding on a video and she's like, Wow,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: that just looks so nice, so romantic, so beautiful. Everybody
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: gets wear dresses, well, solways, an option bed, whatever you want.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Eventually, exactly if I come from the same elk, like
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: you know, there was no divorce in my family. My
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: mother's initial reaction is get back in there and you
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: stick it out, right, And then you know, I thought
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: to myself, stick it out. I'm turning, you know, forty
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: at that time, forty five. I'm like, stick it out.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I've got another fifty years. Yeah, you're not going to
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: die tomorrow. You don't want to live the rest of
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: your life and lightless? Right? No, for what reason? And
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: then live a lie?
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sticking it out sounds awful.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Lots of people do it and live the lie like
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: they have extramarital fairs which they keep to keep their family.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: And then you know, like I don't understand because I
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: always say some of the biggest lies are in the
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: longest marriages, and that isn't a relationship for me. I
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: don't want that. Like if I have to come home
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: and think about the lie that I've got to tell
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: my husband every night so that he can sleep and
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: I can sleep, and I'm the only one not sleeping.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know how people do it. I really, truly
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: do not know how you continue.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I honestly don't either. Like I, one man has plenty
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: for me to like to manage, and he says the
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: same thing about me, like, there's no way he could
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: have an affair because he just wouldn't be able to
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: handle having to women, because it's a lot of work
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: being in a relationship, you know, like keeping it good
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: and growing. What about Like so after you got married,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: and I know this firsthand, there is a difference. There
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: is an age difference. And I didn't ever acknowledge that
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: early in my relationship with my husband. I thought, you know,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: that's ridiculous, and I don't. I don't feel any difference.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: But there have been and we've been married for ten years,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: this was our tenure. We've you know, we've been through
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: some stuff where I've gone second guess myself and thought like, wow, okay,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: is this because he just hasn't grown through this period
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: of his life. He hasn't come to these crossroads personally,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: so he really can't, you know, relate on the way
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I want or hope he will. I have to kind
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: of meet him where he.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Is all the time. Of course, sometimes I literally want
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: to throttle him, because sometimes he's a husband, an amazing husband.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Other times it's like having another son, you know, in
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: the weirdest possible in the nicest possible way without it
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: being weird.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: But you know it can be because I'm teaching him
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: at the same time. You know how he'd never lived
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: with a woman. You know, I've had many relationships where
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I lived with someone, compromised with someone, understood what a
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: man has to do in the house. I'll do this,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: you do that. You know, I'm teaching him from scratch,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: so you know, of course sometimes you go, oh, oh
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: my god, you know, but everything. I mean, I remember
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: lying in bed going, oh, top Gun, can't wait, and
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: he goes, what's tops What do you mean? What do
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: you mean? What's top Gun? I was like, where on
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: earth were you? And he wasn't born. I know, I'm like,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: oh my god, and I have to remind myself of
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: these things. So yes, well, I mean, I get asked
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: this all the time that the big thing is how
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: we split finances. Everybody wants to ask me, the sex thing.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Everybody wants to ask me, And I think, you know
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: exactly that the age difference, sometimes the maturity. But again,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: what I do do to settle my own head and
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: not go I haven't made a giant mistake, is I go, oh,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: look at my friend's husbands, every single one of them,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it couldn't be with any of them,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: not one, Nope, they're bitter. And then even just getting
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: on the phone to co parent with my ex husband
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: who now has a loving relationship and is in a
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: very good space and we get on quite well. Now,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: you know, he still irritates that he bejeeves out of me,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: like really drives me nuts. I'm like, he's a cup
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: is half empty person. You know, my son wanted to
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: go to Texas this year and he said, oh, I'm
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: flying to America or by himself twenty hours. What if
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: he gets sent home? I'm like, and you know, so
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: it's so different. And I'm like, well, if you get
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: so the worst case he doesn't get through the border
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: for whatever him, he's fifteen, Why wouldn't he get through
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: he's got an esther and and he's like, it's very
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: difficult to go to the States, And I'm like, okay,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: so the very worst he gets, he gets all the
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: way there and has to come back. But if the
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: great otherwise he goes to Texas. This is amazing. Yeah.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: So we're just totally different people. So I'm a doer
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: and he's a and I don't want to be in
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: a relationship where I'm where someone sees the rain, Where's
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: my husband sees a rainbow and wants to go dance
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: in the rain.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: What a difference it is. That's I'm so happy for you.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like do you ever have your mom's
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: a resentment though, where when you feel like you're kind
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: of living with a boy man?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, of course I do. And I told I
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: tell him, you know, like you've got to step up
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: and do this way. How do they take that?
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm curious how he as a man takes these
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: kinds of like you teaching him lessons or him coming
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: up to the war and facing he does. He's very receptive. Okay,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: that's very receptive. You're very that's very good, very receptive.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: And actually we lean into some of the I mean,
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: it is quite funny sometimes to watch me because I
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: do forget, Like I'll tap him on the back if
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I want him to straight, and it's like, oh my god,
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: it's a mom move and I forget, you know, like
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: and because my sons are massive too, by the way,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: there's six foot so the three of them all behind me,
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: and they all borrow each other's clothes, and so I do.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: It isn't lost on me. But you know, oh my god.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: But like, you know, on the other hand, please I
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: don't want it to sound really weird. We do have
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: a husband wife relationship. What has he taught you to
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: relax through things so you know that it's never the
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: end of the world, like and the safety of first
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: of all, age, you know. I used to feel older
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: weirdly with my ex husband, Like if I got a
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: gray head, you know, grace when you're on a holiday
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my god, I need to find
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: you know, get my roots done, or you know, he
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: would tell me not on pobs, go a little bit
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: gray here or whatever. I would feel older. Where's my
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: husband now? Is Like we're traveling, He's like, oh, leave it.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I love it, you know, it's so weird. The thing
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: is he helps me in so many ways, right with
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: the kids, my businesses, so I do these even like
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: the women's retreats. I wasn't. I started doing women's retreats
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: and I teach financial independence and I teach women life
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: after divorce and investing and things like this, which is
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: really fun. And I wasn't going to have him, but
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I one of my because I didn't think it was appropriate, right,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: one of the camera guys couldn't come, And then he
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: did it all and then the women just loved having
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: him there. And he's not in the room when we're
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: doing all our talks and everything, but he was on
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: the island, and you know, he just he's my partner,
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: so like and because he's my husband, all the money
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: goes to the same pot obviously, and we're running around
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: doing things together, which means I don't travel alone. And
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: he's just taught me that life. I would have told
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: you there's no way on earth I would have worked
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: with my ex husband ever ever.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Why it would have just been too frictious.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because I had a very big business before, and
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I felt like, you know, he would have we would
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: always we were quite competitive with the money we earned
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: and all of these kind of things. And you know,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: and then because he came in as younger and came
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: into my already built train, I feel like he was
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: more able to pick up the slack and do the
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: bits I couldn't do. And that now we're just a team.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: You're a part the other partner partnership. So if he
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: does this, and if he's doing the work, then great,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: and I've got the kids, or he's got the kids
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: and I'm doing the work. But somehow it's all working
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: right at the same time, and we're doing all the
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: businesses together, and we're traveling together. Because that was the
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: other thing, the distance. I think. You know, my ex
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: husband traveled for work, then I traveled for work, so
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: then you know, we just became there was such a disconnect.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Our friends were different. I wanted to be with my
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: girlfriends all the time. You know, my husband is my girlfriend,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: and he loves being with my girlfriends. So it's just
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know, He's taught me so many things, you know,
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: so many things it's really hard to explain, just to chill,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: you know, to enjoy work rather than just like I've
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: got to go to work. You know. I love that.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: It sounds like he's sort of brought you to like
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: a place of being able to sort of step back
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: and smell the roses and like have peace with yourself.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Well, you know when they say the work life balance,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: come on, there isn't one rights not for.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: What we do.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: That's a lie. That's how Yeah, Like, if you're filming
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: for three months, how do you separate work in life?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: You can't that it work is your life, right, So
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: the only way you can make it work is if
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: your life comes with you or your whole life is.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: So that's that's what I feel like. My whole life
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: is in this house and this is where I walk.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: I went from home.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's happy with coming along with you and
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: being a part of your big life, then.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Go for it.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Like more power to you. That's amazing. Hey guys, it's
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Cheryl Burke.
• 26:30
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• 26:32
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• 26:35
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• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I want to know more about the women's retreats though.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: This is intriguing to me. I think I think I
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: heard you have one coming up in November. Yes, no
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: care tell tell.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: So it kind of started by actually I told you
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I had this podcast called Divorce Not Dead, which I
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: changed because it was so niche, but actually I probably
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: shouldn't have changed the name. I love it anyways, So
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: I just thought I used to get written to all
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: the time, like how you know the transition through divorce
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: and women? I know very very wealthy women or not
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: wealthy women. Women that were married to very wealthy men,
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: you know, And there's always sort of this smugness about
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: wealthy women who've married well, and they go, you know
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: when I'm fine, Well, you know you're not not unless
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: he's put in your account. So let me just tell
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: you that right now. And you know, it's amazing how
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: poor they are the day you get divorced. So no,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: beyond true. And I trust me. I live in the
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Middle East. I see it every day. I'm sure literally
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: every day mine. It's nuts and they end up with nothing.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: And I had like a girlfriend of mine, she had
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: seventeen homes before she was married. She was she was
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: married twenty years. She got nothing. She doesn't even know
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: ow an apartment. I mean, it's insane. So the little
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: money she did get, you know, the little money she
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: did get, now she sits on it in the bank
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: right because she's too scared. She's like, it's all I've got.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: She does want to let it go. And that is
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: a understandable woman. And I think women have to understand
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: because I run meant multiple businesses and they come out
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: all the time. So I have a project in Bali,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I have the podcast, I have you know, airbnbs here,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I built the house. But this is this is by
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: the way, after four years of like almost going bankrupt, right,
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: I built all the back. I don't know how if
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: I really think about it. But that's why I started
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: these retreats, because if I had been scared for a minute,
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have been able to do or build the
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: wealth I have back at all. But and I don't
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: know why I wasn't scared, but only that and the
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: other way, you have no choice. If you don't go
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: on and build it, what are you gonna do. You're
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: gonna sit on the piddly little amount you've got left
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: and just wait for someone to pay you a salary.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: You have to make your money work for you today
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: or you'll always work for somebody.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: And that's it. And I'm thinking about I'm fifty. I
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: need passive income when you need to care.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you need that security because no one's going to
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: give it to you at this point. It's all I am, right,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: So I think I had that realization too, where I
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: was like, this is my life there and I've been
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: an independent my entire life, never lived you know, never
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: accepted money from a husband or anything like that. But
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I can absolutely put myself in the shoe a woman
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: who has And I thought about that a lot, and
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: you know, when I realized this is it. I am
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: on my own no matter what. I've got to figure
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: it all out or there is really no or that,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: there's only.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: That option, there's no are, there's no or. And you know,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: other women just sit there, going, well, someone else is
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: going to come along. Yeah, Well, you know today, with
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: the way the world is, there's such a disconnect between
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: men and women. They may not and they should be
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: prepared either way. It didn't matter.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: You can't depend on someone else for your life, basically, and.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I teach that. And so when these women. I started
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: doing these dinners first, and I wanted to see who
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: would show up, and I had no idea. I was like,
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I did one in New York. I was like, God
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: knows who's going to show off. And this is the
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: first person that came. I see this little old lady
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: coming across no across the road, and I'm going, okay,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: and she goes Caroline waving at me, and I'm like,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: oh God, this is going to be a nightmare.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Wait, how did she find out? How did she find out.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: So I put it on my I put it on
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: my This was a dinner. It started as a dinner
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: that you could pay a ticket and come to the dinner.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: I put on my Instagram. Who's in New York loved?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm hosting a VIP dinner. So anyway, the
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: first woman comes and she sits down and she sold
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: her business to Warren Buffett. Okay, yes, okay. She then
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: made so much money she bought it back. She was
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: living in Mustique. She's about I think she was seventy
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: six when she came to the dinner. This is a
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: few years ago now. And another another woman came. She'd
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: sold a business for I don't know, three four hundred
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: million Australian, which is like two hundred million dollars. It
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: was the weirdest lasers. Yeah, getting divorced. And these powerful
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: women came right and I was, I mean, I was
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: the poorest person at the table by far, and Lee successful.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: So I'm going, why are all these women why are
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: they listening to me? Yes? And then I understood women
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: want to like minded women. Okay, at this age, they
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: want to connect with women. They want purpose, They don't
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: need to make money. Any you know, they don't need
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: to make money, but they need to do something they
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: want the next thing they've done, they've already made the money.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: You know, some other women came of of course it
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: hadn't made that kind of money, but they'd made a
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: nice amount of money. Some of them had grown up
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: in small towns, made a bit of money. And you know,
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: the people around them now resented them, right because they
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: became a little bit bigger than them. And they wanted
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: to connect with like minded women. And it was the
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: weirdest thing, and it became quite powerful. And then I
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: did this other one in Texas and one woman was
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: running for Congress, another woman was to one went to Princeton.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: One had like all these treatment centers in LA like
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: amazing beautiful women, and they've all kept in contact with
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: each other. And I said, I'm actually doing something quite
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: powerful here. These women wanted to do business with each other,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: they want to connect with each other. They're now doing
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: a reunion. I'm on a group chat with them and
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I can see. I take everybody's see before they come
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: to the retreat, so I can see, Like on this
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: new one, I've got quite a lot of people who
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: are in real estate coming because real estate's really quite
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: an easy business for somebody who's starting out to invest
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: and doesn't know how to invest their money. And that
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: is probably the easiest way for a woman to build
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: wealth with not much, you know, not much education.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Can I pause for you for a second, say, I'm
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: one of those women that doesn't have any money. Like
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: my husband wasn't wealthy. We're divorced. Now I'm still not
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: wealthy and I'm on my own. So how do I
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: even start?
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I always tell the women, because I do, you know,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I tell you look around the house and see what
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: you can sell, liquidate as much as you can. And
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: you know, if you've got jewelry assets, any asset, get
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: rid of it and put it into a down payment,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: because all you need to do is get on that
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: ladder and you can start with you know, it doesn't
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: have a one bedroom tiny I started with one bedroom apartment,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: and then I started to build and to remortgage and
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: to get my next one and my next one, and
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: I got six and I don't know how.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: So you bought an apartment and then you flipped it,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: rented it.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Out, rented it out, renovated it. That as much as
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: I could re mortgaged it, used that mortgage payment to
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: do the next one, and did the same and started
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: building beautiful.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: This is not hard. That's not hard.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: It's on a cloud.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: No one has ever broken that down for me, like
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: no one has ever. Here's step one, here's step two,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: here's step three. Yes, if you want to follow this plan.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Yes, and that's what I do. So we sit there
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: until you actually can't walk away. The whole point of
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: the retreat is you walk away with an answer. Everybody,
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: and also the women that are in there. Some, as
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: I said, some are super successful and some aren't and
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: don't have the money, but they want to learn, right,
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: So everybody sits there and you actually get each other's opinion.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's what happens when women come together, are
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: strong together, any kind of woman, A week strong, doesn't
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: even matter. The energy just changes everybody's energy.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: The energy in that room was insane. But when I
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: break it down like that to you, and you know
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: I didn't have any money left. I didn't. I told
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: you I had twenty five thousand dollars and maybe that's
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: still for some people, a lot of money. I don't know,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: but that wasn't. I wasn't sitting on a pile of cash.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: I have six I have six and somehow I bought
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: this house. You can talk yourself into anything. My last
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: apartment I spent zero because I refinanced the others. I
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: didn't put a pound down, not one pound. And I
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: think it sounds so complicated that we over complicate, right,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: But once you get going, it's truly not you know,
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: And you'd be surprised how much money if we're really
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: talking about you as sitting in your home in probably bags, clothes,
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: car I could think of quite a few things. You
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: can buy them back later when you've built a portfolio.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: I remember when I have a mortgage guy here who
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: was helping me, and I said, I've got no money left.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I've got no cash left, and he goes, well, we've
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: been here before, haven't we, except you now have a
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: property portfolio. And I looked around and went, I do.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: You say it's label breaking? Like about breaking the labels.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: It's about, you know, breaking the mystery. I think people
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: like to over complicate business. Right, I've achieved this, but
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: I you know, because you're seeing the end, you're seeing
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: me at six or seven. But you don't seeing where
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: I started, right. Everyone wants the end, but they don't
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: know what the beginning was. The beginning. You know, I've
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: never started a business where I haven't literally had to
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: beg somebody for money to start, right, except for the
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: property business, I didn't beg anyone. I just literally said, okay,
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: you know, I'll save this that the mortgage. In fact,
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: your deposits are even less than we have to do here.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: You in America, you can put very little down.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: I looked at the States too, yes, much less, so,
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: you know, and and there are so many good business
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: plans out there, Like I wanted to do Section eight
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: housing in America because I just thought that was just
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: such a great business. And I've looked at all of it.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: You know, you want to do in America. You want
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: to do the things that are un sexy, right, The
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: businesses no one else wants to do in our in
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: our genre are the businesses that you want to take.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: Those are the ones that make money. Car washers, no joke,
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: laundry mats, no joke, very little upfront, so unglamorous, so unglad.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: That's necessity. They are also what do you call it,
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: my head's gone proof. Recession proof, the recession proof, and
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: that's what you're looking for. And then when you can
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: build it and you want to do something glamorously, to
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: go for it. But you know, I don't care about glamor.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I always said that I would
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: do the I would do the depends the nappy, you know,
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: the one, the one for women's content that they want
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: to pay for me.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: Someone will see you to it.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exact why, I know, But like I'll take the
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: un sexy jobs they pay. Hmmmm.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: It's it's so interesting your perspective, and I love that
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: it's coming from this strong female financial Uh, you know,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: I can make this happen for myself. And that's such
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: an important message to women, especially women that don't come
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: from wealth that finding you know, they're finding themselves kind
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: of starting over and it is very scary.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: It is scary, but you should take other people and
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: let them inspy you instead of let them threaten you.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Yes. Absolutely. Big pivot for me was looking at other
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: women who have more than me, who are smarter than me,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: who who have just you know, had more success than me.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: I want to surround myself with those women because I
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: want to learn learn how they did it. I want
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: to I want to see what that looks like.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: That is the most important thing. You want to be
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: the most dumb person in the room if you're not
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: changed rooms.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Because you're not gonna learn anything in that room. Right,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: that's the thing.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: Nothing, and that's the most important thing. I don't think
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: you know, look, use it, use it. Listen to people
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: that have been through it, because you know, again, as
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: you said, no one's coming to save you. It is
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: so easy when you break it down and it's not
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: as scary. And a woman that's already there, that's achieved
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: something from nothing, and a lot of the people that have,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: you know, really successful women today have come from nothing.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Look at people like Emma Grady, look at look at
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: all these women who have hard graph to get to
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: where they are. Right, they will give you a leg up,
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: they will give you their secrets. It's the ones that
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: haven't had to work for it that don't right. You know,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: when I was building my first business, I was doing
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: like a netaporte online but for gifts. I remember the
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: founder of netaport and one of the one of the
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: first investors. She gave me her packaging company, her tissue
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: paper company, her gifting you know, the river everything, and
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: everyone was going stop asking her, and she said, no, no,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: I'm there's room for everybody in this business. That's you know,
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: if you're a confident woman, there is room for everybody.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not giving you my secret. There's no secrets, no secret,
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: you know, Yeah, there's no secret. The secret is. The
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: secret is I'm doing it. Yeah, hard work, get up
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: and do it. Just get up and do it. If
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: you can't afford to do it in your country, there
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: are other countries that you can afford to get to
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: do it in. I've just started doing it in Bali. Now.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: I'd never been to Bali before.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I heard your your you and your
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: husband are opening a retreat.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Hotel, boutique hotel. I don't know how. I was so
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: dead against it. I've never I've been to Bali once
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: in my life. Don't didn't really like it, Like, I'm like,
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: why am I going? This was years ago now I
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: quite like it. I bought we bought the land. Then
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know how we're going to pay
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: for the rest of it, and like just slowly, slowly
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: and then people see your dream, they join you, and
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: it's happening. It is being built. I've done all the foundations.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: It's all there, the big builds starting. We've just got
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: a huge partner. It's coming because we're doing it. We
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: took the step. We just did it, and there is
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: like Dubai you get like you know, this is something
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that I can run for the rest of my life.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: I don't look need to look pretty, I don't need
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: to look I don't need to really know what I'm doing.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Because it's a boutique hotel. Everyone's going to come because
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: they're going to want to like either meet us or
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: see if it's good, see if it's rubbish.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, but they're going to come out come.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: It sounds I mean, I'm so excited for you. That
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: sounds like such a fun. Chapter two to do with
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: your new husband, Like hasn't been working with them?
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: Well, he's been doing that. It's great. We don't argue
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: at all because we do different things. I think the
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: best thing is just to separate your your roles and
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: don't tread on each other's toes communication. It sounds like, yes,
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: and if you're working for the same thing, which is
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: your retirement together? Right then you're excited, like it's the
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: same thing. I think a lot of people do bet
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: and breakfast in America now, and things like this, like
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: just jobs or businesses that don't you could run for
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: the rest of your life, that don't really require you
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: to look a certain way, and that you can keep
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: the room rates going and you it's just an easy,
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: fun business and you get to meet nice people.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: And you know, I love this. I'm so excited about
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: this chapter in your life. I think that a lot
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: of women are going to be really inspired by your strength,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: your knowledge. You know, I didn't know you before this interview,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: and I just met you. I'm not a watcher of
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: any of the housewives.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: Don't why you weren't learning?
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Were you were on the Dubai right? Yeah, which I
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: can was very glamorous because, like I said, I never
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: saw it, but it sounds like such a wild ride.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Is there going to be another? Are there going to
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: be more episodes of the next Dubai Housewife?
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Actually don't know. We are paused at the moment. I
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: think quite a few of them, so I have no idea. Again,
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: you know, TV, you never know, That's why you can't
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: rely on it.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Why did they posit? I think they can posit for
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: a million reasons, I guess, but I don't know.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: I think Dubai is quite hard, you know if first
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: of all, it's very foreign for them, you know, like
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: it's it's very expensive to come over here all the
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: way from the States. It's a very foreign place to film.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: You've got to look at a lot more permits. It's
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: they're not used to having. We were the first reality
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: show here, so they've never had anything like that. I mean,
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: it's funny because I did Ladies of London in England
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: and we were the first reality show there too, and
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: it was just as hard, you know, because everyone didn't
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: understand what we were trying to do. And it was
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: called Real Housewives of Dubai, and then the Dubai government
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: were like, well, they're not like Real Housewives of Dubai.
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: That's not what Real Housewives of Dubai looks like, you know.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: So it was it's just it's a different, very foreign
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: town to do it. But I think they're getting their
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: head around it now.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, well would you do it again?
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know, is the answer. Right now. I'm very
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: happy out of it, like I'm a very happy, positive
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: person and these shows, you know, require you to go
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: head to head with a lot of women, and I
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: think you can see that I'm not that. I like
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: to build women. I love it.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe the shows need to kind of pivot their focus,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: but maybe that won't be it's fun for people to watch.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know. If it were me producing it, I
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: would absolutely be pivoting to women, supporting women and meeting
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: women like you today who are like, let me tell
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: you by manufacturer's name, let me tell you where to
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: take your money. I love that about you. You are
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: a giver to other women and that's awesome.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, I mean, and it should be glorified,
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: like I would love a show like this too, So
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: I would love to do Building Barley and things like this.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: Way you can still have the conflict and the fun
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: because obviously there's things that are going to be going wrong, right,
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: but you know, or or any business show with women,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: right it is everybody's learning and everybody is trying to
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: get ahead, and we all are in the same position today.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: Most women are divorced and looking for their next chapter.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: And that is if women came together and helped other
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: women feel secure in what their next chapter looked like.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: The world would be a very different place.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Well, they can look to you so and to me, yeah,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: and to you we've got something. Yeah, we've all got examples.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: I say, definitely surround yourself with stronger, stronger women that
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: have been through more and learned more.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Thousands week give you strength.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for chatting with me today.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I really really enjoyed it.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. It's been amazing. Who knew
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: we had such parallel lies.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: I know it's weird when you talk to someone you've
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: never met before and things like that happen.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, good luck with your resort, retreat. What should
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: I call it?
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Retreat?
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: Hotel? Oh, you retreat and your hotel you a lock
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: away on.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Well I'm two years away from that, but I'm in
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: the middle of it all.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: Love it. Keep going, You're doing great. Thank you all right,
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: have a great thing.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: So nice to meet you. Bye bye.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: This conversation has been so incredible. Thank you Caroline for
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: joining me on the pod. If you're ready to level
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: up your chapter two, call us or email us. All
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: the info is in the show notes follow US on socials.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Make sure to rate and review the podcast I Do
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: the main objective.