Latest / Wait... What's Next? / The Aftermath of Big Life Decisions: Why You Can Get Everything You Wanted and Still Grieve

Transcript

The Aftermath of Big Life Decisions: Why You Can Get Everything You Wanted and Still Grieve · Wait... What's Next?

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're right, this is what we're gonna be talking about today.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Which is the life that you used to live after making a big decision.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And still loving it and still feeling attached to that life, even though you already are enjoying and loving and not regretting the life that you have right now.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, same thing.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: If I didn't meet my boyfriend and life didn't play out the way it did, I would still be there.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: And going back after a year was like, How much are you willing to do the thing that you're afraid of?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're really not willing to do it, it's because you don't want it bad enough.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: My boyfriend asked me a question and he goes, if I wasn't here, like where would you be?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: And my mind made it me quent, I was dreading it, but kind of relates uh what we were gonna talk about today, anyways, which was so how's life?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: We haven't talked in a while.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a catch up.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I can't believe it's been how long it's been.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, have you ever done a breathwork class?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like periods.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't been to not breath work, but I do a lot of breath work exercises.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've remembered I told you that when I had a little anxiety, I that's the one thing that really helped me.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Have you been going?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Mia and my boyfriend just did a breath work class together yesterday.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I do want to try to implement it into my everyday.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: He asked me afterwards what I thought of it, and I could tell that he was like not totally 100% bought in, which is ironic because he's the one that brought us to the class and was all about it.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just think it's like the best, most relaxing parts of yoga, and and I can see where like checking in can help.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I have a lot that I hold on to, like I know where I hold my stress and can probably spend more time.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just the act of being intentional about spending that time to actually check in and unwind.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that there's like always gonna be a benefit to that, but I I actually want to try it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna try to implement it into a more daily routine and see how it makes me feel.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think you should definitely do it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I will say when I started, I was desperate because my levels of anxiety came at nighttime, so going to bed at nighttime was not fun.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was desperate.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know how life takes you to what you need when you need something really quick.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I started listening to this girl and she was talking about breath work, and I was so you know when you're in that headspace that you don't believe nothing is gonna help you.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was so desperate that I was like, I'm gonna start doing it, I'm gonna start doing it.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I started doing it, and in the moment, it felt really good.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And in the moment, I don't know if you felt this, and I don't know what type of work you were doing, but I remember feeling a little bit out of breath, like trying to be doing the breath work, but I was kind of out of breath, and I was like, oh my god, like I can't even that's how bad I was, you know.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like working out, it's not gonna happen overnight, it's not gonna happen, oh, the first breath work, and then you're gonna be fine.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be overtime because now I do it, it's been like three years that I've been doing it, and I do it in the mornings if I can, like a 10-minute breath work.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just remember it's starting to slow me down.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was just weird thing.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And there's actually, I think, a scientific part of it.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the part when you feel anxious because you're disassociating from your body.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're disassociated from your body, that's why that feeling of losing control and all of that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're doing breath work, first your mind is so focused on doing breath work that it stops that cycle of the thought process that you have.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then two, it brings you back into your body.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that's why breath work is so it's so good.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of breath work was it?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Was it like people call it like Kundalini breath work, which is different type of you do different types of breath breath breath and rhythms, right?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it does like different things, and then you hold, you hold on your breath for a little bit, and that also is what that's the one I've been doing.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Ours he just kept calling it stage one of breath work, so I don't really know, but it wasn't anything we weren't changing our rhythm or anything, it was just guided breath work.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it kind of to me felt when you're in Shabhastana in yoga, yeah, where he was just walking us through.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: At first, we just laid there with our legs up in a 90-degree angle, allowing our like lower back to relax and your hips to have tension in the opposite direction.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then from there we moved into some things that brought in side movements and forward back movements, and that way you could get your body working different ways.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: But the entire time we were slow breathing, it wasn't anything, and it was about 26 minutes.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it was a long time.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think it felt like a long time, or you were like, oh, this went by really fast?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think it went by pretty fast.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think yeah, yeah.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I was sitting there like, when is this gonna be over?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, dude, I really recommend.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly think that was the one thing that really helped me out consistently.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing it every single morning.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So they have a morning one that gives you kind of gets you out of anxiety thoughts and all of that.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then they also have a sleepy time.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I would wake up sometimes at 3 a.m.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: in the morning, before I started thinking, I would get my phone and just put like a sleepy meditation or something.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then just hearing the guy's voice and just breathing, like I was able to just focus on that.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: It really did help me.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: He did one interesting one where he would put a candle and he would be like, just breathe.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're having anxiety, put a candle and just stare at the the fire.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's he's basically just trying to keep your mind from getting all the thoughts at the same time.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you focus on something, it helps.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I swear by it, honestly.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: But again, like I've been doing it for three years.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'll report back and let you know.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: But anxiety is so funny.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking about this earlier.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I've never passed out, right?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: I've never been standing there and just collapsed.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: I've never been standing there and got so nauseous that I throw up everywhere.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: I've never had any issues like that.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: But every single day, maybe it's a form of OCD as well.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like every day, I'm what if I just pass out?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting there and I'm just like, what if I just I'm feeling weird?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I sat for so long.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: What if I just pass out right here in public in front of everyone?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I've literally never done that.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I have no reason to think that.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that's your literally your mind.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, your mind playing your games.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have, and I've been trying to work on those because before I used to let them be and not believe them.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: But then there was a when there is a moment when you kind of actually believe the thought, you're like, oh my god, wait, that's kind of scary.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been really, really working on those negative thoughts.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because it takes one thought that you believe, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh my god, I don't want to talk about it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to talk about airplanes because I know you fly a lot, so I don't want to scare you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I have that thought every time I got on an airplane.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't freak out.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't every time.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't freak out.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's a moment where I'm chilling.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I am back to enjoying being at the airport and getting on the flight case.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I used to love it.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love being at the airport.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was a time where I was like so psyched out that I would be like, oh my god, I'm out of anxiety.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm past that point.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: But then there is always a moment where I'm having so much fun, and then I remember to have that negative thought.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm oh my god, the airplane.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it's so crazy because if you really forget, then you never have that thought again.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Where I'm like, I have like a little freak out.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I used to always think, like, what if the moment like there's just we just drop?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's my thought.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what if we're on the airplane and we just drop?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's like what I always think.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: I should have the thoughts too, but I haven't gotten to the point where I forgot.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: But speaking of flights, I had took the longest flight that I'd taken, and I mean, I guess I took a cross-country flight already this year, but it was it didn't feel like that long.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: It was like four hours.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: But I just flew to Philly for work, so that was my longest flight after taking a little bit of a break, and I was dreading it.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: But kind of relates to what we were gonna talk about today, anyways, which was I was going out there for work, but then I got to see all of my friends.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I I was in Philly first, saw my friend that lives there, and then went to New York, which has been a year since I moved, so that's the first time I've been back, and then ran around and saw a bunch of friends for the weekend.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: It was I can't believe it's been a year, Amanda.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That feels like literally yesterday we were talking about this.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I moved in with my boyfriend too.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think a year was yesterday.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So you're right.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we're gonna be talking about today, which is when you go back to the alternative or the life that you used to live after making a big decision and still loving it and still feeling attached to that life, even though you already are enjoying and loving and not regretting the life that you have right now, because I think we had to do this conversation because I recently have celebrated my anniversary, three years, which also I am what the hell?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Where did time go?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think of couples, I don't know if this happened to you, because you know, I never really had this long relationship.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to think of couples that won't be even a year or two years, and I would always think, Oh my god, life is such a long time.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, this is serious.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: But now that I'm with my boyfriend for three years, this doesn't feel three years.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea where time went.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It just went really fast.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is to say, my boyfriend asked me a question and he goes, If I wasn't here, like where would you be?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And my mind immediately went, I didn't even think about it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I think I probably would be in New York.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would have probably moved to New York at some point and then just be living in New York right now.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then same to him because he was traveling and played overseas in in different countries.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I think that if it wasn't because we were together, he probably will still do it.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: He probably will be like, I don't, I don't have a pool to be here anyways.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna keep traveling.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So we wanted to talk about that because even though we're happy and we I mean, even though we're still also figuring it out and stuff, but it's always nice to recognize that there's a part of us that still yearns for that alternative life.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not to say that you're unhappy with the decision or the life that we have right now, but you sometimes do wonder what could have happened.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: What about you, Amanda?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I almost was describing it as like grieving, grieving the life that could have been.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, same thing.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: If I didn't meet my boyfriend and life didn't play out the way it did, I would still be there.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And going back after a year was like I spent a year missing it and missing my friends, and being there, I can see what my life would have continued to be and how it would have been.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I'm happy with where my life actually is and how things played out.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't, it was this weird, yes, I miss it, but at the same time, eye-opening on the sense that I just felt more concrete and where I needed to be and where I currently am and things happening the way they did because that was correct for the chapter that I was in, chapter that I am in, actually.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Correction there.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, I miss I still miss all my friends.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's just different.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't keep up that way.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going out to bars anymore like that, and my life is slower, and I like my slower life.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe there's a version of a slower life that would have happened eventually on the East Coast, but I don't know.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what that would have looked like or how to get there.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: I just know that the way things played out were definitely in line with what I'm feeling right now.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's kind of like a vacation that feels like, oh, this would be such a great life.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because and then once you're actually in it, I don't think it would be what you're looking for.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I remember I was talking to you two about New York, and I think we had this conversation a long time ago where I said, Well, I would be in New York if I didn't mean Noah.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I would just be probably going out and doing all these things.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I think after a couple of years, to me, it would be like, okay, what's next?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'd probably be tired of that life and of drinking.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And something that I really like now is that I don't drink as much anymore because I'm not close to a city.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like to go into San Francisco, and then every time I go, I break the bank and I drink, and I'm feeling so sick the next day, and it's fun because I haven't done it in a long time.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I'm like, oh my god, I cannot have this life every weekend.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's very interesting because part of me always will wonder what happened, and who knows, like maybe life will take me to New York at some point.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because it I made it obvious in the past that New York is a place that I would have definitely lived.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I always think of New York and so much love for the city.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know I would have thrived and loved it if I lived there.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't mind being single in New York.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's where I was.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think New York is not a place where you kind of feel lonely.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's just so much going on.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I went there, I feel oh, so independent and I can just be by myself and whatever.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I wouldn't change it.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to go and live in New York to feel I have completed my life and that I can actually settle down and be with the person that I love.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: What I do know that I need still is to travel.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I have had that conversation with my boyfriend.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: That is so important to also know is what are the things that you need to be able to say, oh yeah, I'm ready to serve family or whatever.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And for me is that because I haven't been able to travel as much.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like I travel a lot, but I feel not being able to travel for many years, 17 years exactly.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think that put a lot of stuff in me where I'm like, I need to either do solo trips or go to Europe, go to Asia, go to so many different continents and countries because I don't think that I could start anything until I get that out of my system.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that, and my boyfriend knows that.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that isn't non-negotiable for me, for me to like actually get married out of that.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: What about you?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: What are you at in life?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I actually wanted to ask you first, what is it about traveling that you feel like is such a big part of where you need to go next?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is it wanting to see other countries?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Is it I I call it like having itchy feet, like you gotta go.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And people have all different reasons.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know people who just can't have a stagnant job and they need to travel for that.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or for a while I think I like traveling because I was running from something.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but what do you think it is?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, hopefully I'm not running from anything.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a saying that says there's pieces of you waiting to be discovered in different places that you haven't gone.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that not in the United States, but I have a call of just going to places just to experience them, just to because I remember my feelings when I walked in Spain for the first time.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And even though it's you, it's like a different version of you in a different country when you're like discovering new things and seeing new places and seeing new cultures and how people move and trying different foods.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's something so fascinating about that.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done that very little in my life.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think I focused so much on, I mean, it's not news.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't travel outside of the US because I was always, I had to be here for like legal reasons or whatever.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I the whole time my point of focus was like, well, what can I focus on?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Which is getting my degree, getting a job, building up a career.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even think about having a boyfriend because I wasn't so in a mode of, I need to get my stuff together that I cannot part of me knew that I couldn't really commit to a relationship until that happened because there was like insecurities and things that I needed to work through.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't want to put that on a relationship.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people asked me why, like you could have just had a boyfriend and tell them all the things that you were going through.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, but I just feel that it just put a lot of pressure on that person, especially when we're in our 20s, and I just didn't think that I never met the right person that I felt like I could have, anyways.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And weird enough, when I met Noah that year, I was able to travel, I was everything was ready to go, and boom, I met Noah.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And now and we're like perfect.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he tells me till this day, he was like, I would have perfectly been there for you and doing whatever it needed that you needed to do.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, but I didn't need that from that person, I needed to do that for myself.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think there was a lot of pressure in my 20s of just like, well, I can't do anything else, so I might as well just focus on my career and do all these things.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not to sound this is a therapy sash.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like at this point in time, and I have told this to my a lot of my friends and you my career is not, I just don't feel that fire in me of oh my god, like I want to be in the corporate and I wanna be marketing director at one point in my life.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just couldn't care less.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've done a lot, I've done great.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I like where I am in my career now.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: My main focus is so many other things that I couldn't do for 15 years.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And part of me feels I'm missing something.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't able to do all these things.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like you cannot retain it.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm able to do it, if I don't travel, if I'm not able to travel this a year where I can go to a different country, I feel like I'm staying behind.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I almost feel I don't have enough time to go and discover the world.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know you guys did, and you know, a lot of our friends they talk stories about going to Asia and doing a solo trip and doing all those things.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I am not that wild.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: One of our friends went to Asia by herself for three weeks and did all that.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Till this day, I don't know how you survive doing that.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would never do that by myself.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do a solo trip.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not for me.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not to I I would do a solo trip to Italy or even Spain.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would I would do something low-key, but she went to Asia and she was telling me even the preparation to go to Thailand, she had to take shots six months in advance and just do all these things in some epre love situation that I was just like, dude, no, I don't know how you did that.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'm running from something.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I probably wouldn't be able to know until I am there.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot in the world that I want to see.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even like getting married or anything, it's like before I have kids, because once you have kids, it's gonna be so hard to move in trouble and doing all those things.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I do need to get that done until I even commit further.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know that for a fact.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that answered your question.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: One on attention.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think a little bit, yeah.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds like because you didn't get to have those experiences, you still crave them, which is even like related to the whole where do you want to live at what stage in your life thing, right?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: For me, going back to New York made me realize that I don't still crave living there, but I really wanted to live there before I lived there.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and I was there when I was single, and I was drinking every weekend for like two years, I want to say.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Might have been a little bit less than that.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, I had fun, but it was slowing down naturally, anyways, when I met my partner and and then going back now, and I was just like, I don't know how you guys do.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: I literally left the bar and all my friends early.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: I asked my friend, I was like, Can I have your keys to go back to your apartment?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm dying.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was like midnight.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: So but yeah, I I couldn't do a solo travel trip though.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I have you wouldn't do it, no, because I feel like Italy's oh, you I don't know.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like Europe is easy because you can either take trains or planes like so easy.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would never do it in Asia, yeah.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think if I was still single, maybe I could do it, but I could do it now.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think now I'd be worried that I would be too tired and pass out randomly going back to the health anxiety.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just also I like shared experiences.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: They're not, they weren't quality friendships or relationships.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and I remember I was like, I would rather.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Live a life poor and unable to do things, but have and this was this realization, mind you, was on a ATV or a golf car, whatever it is, going through Santorini in Greece.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I was currently international.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe in your best.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, a beautiful country.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was a great week, but I did have a realization while we're going through that I would rather not have a lot of money, but know that the quality of my relationships and the love I have is something real than to have all this money and spend it with somebody who I just didn't really feel for.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of told me a lot.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I've done trips where I look back and I'm like, I wish that somebody was there.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I nobody I wasn't there with a partner when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's such a romantic thing to do.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like Paris is such a romantic city.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And now like me and Damien have to go back and make up for some of those shared experiences because he hasn't seen it.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it's cool because I get to be there for his first, but yeah, he's not there for mine.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I cannot wait to do that.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because I the thing with my boyfriend is that in Benny makes in a period.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the thing is, my boyfriend right now, his schedule is gonna be crazy for the next few years.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so he might have to travel, probably will have to travel out of the country.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell him, I'm gonna meet you there.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm coming.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because whatever it is, yeah.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, like he's gonna travel, but he's gonna have to be working the whole time.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's gonna be interesting.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: But um for you, yeah, and then no, I love it, and then we can meet for meals or whatever.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I was gonna say that there's just a few countries that I told him we need to go to a few countries.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: I wanna go to France with him, I wanna go to Greece.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted to go to Greece for the longest time.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: He's just had these things, and he has so much love for Spain because he lived there a long time.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: So he's like, We need to go back to Spain, I need to show you my life in Spain, and he's super excited about it.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, if I could have traveling with my boyfriend all the time, I would.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason why I'm saying that is because I also know that that is something in me, and if he can go, I still need to go.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like out of that point, and I'll go with friends, I'll go with whoever.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've been texting girls like, hey, you guys, like, will you come with me if I say I want to do this trip?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Yeah, let's go.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you want to go.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: I like I'll go with whoever.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Also, just your girlfriends on a trip.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's different, especially our age, Amanda.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can't do a girls' trip over drinking anymore.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: I won't put that out there, but I do love a girl's trip.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean a girl's trip over drinking?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not gonna be out at the clubs in whatever country, kind of girls' trip.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: But I literally have pasta and wine all the time.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's the thing.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the vibe that I want.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know some of my friends can do it, some of my friends can still party.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I like take my sombrero off for them because literally they're so good.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them are really good, and I'm like, you guys can do it.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's amazing.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: But no, that's my vibe.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go, I want to eat the food.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently, the wine just hits different in Europe.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: People keep saying that, oh, you don't get hangover from wine in Europe.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I really want to experience that.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: But just with meals, and then I love sightseeing.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to walk places, I want to get my 30k steps every day just from going to different locations and just discovering things.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I enjoy that thing.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Would you go to museums?
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll be super done for that if we do one night out in the whole trip.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm good with that.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't have to do the whole night out thing.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love just enjoying the culture of the places.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: When you're abroad, I don't know if people feel this way, but that's how I felt.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: You feel different.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: There is an alternative part of you that comes out.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is probably what you were saying about oh wow, like I can be this happy when you were in your trip with your family.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: But there is just something about you that comes out, and it's just you feel invincible.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can just do whatever, have this freedom of time, I'm in a new place.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think those are the parts of me that I'm excited to experience being in another country.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: That level of this is so new, this is so great.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that it's not your home makes it fun, the temporal experience.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know you have your back, your home, and like your base, that helps you experience it to the fullest.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking about though, the the traveling, me going back to the city that I lived in and having this eye-opening experience that I don't necessarily want to move back.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there is something to be said though, for sometimes you just you don't know what you don't know, right?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes you have to try it to be able to understand what it is that is next for you.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I really hats off to people.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: I totally understand when people are like, I have to do this before I can do this.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I think maybe it's easy to be like, well, why would you have to end your relationship?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because you need to go and move to the city or you need to go in trouble or whatever it is.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: But I think there is something to be said for the fact that sometimes you just you have to try it.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: There it's a bug in your head, and you can't get it out until you go and you figure it out.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: And like going back to New York and seeing it kind of quieted my bug of could I still live here?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: Just like, yeah, you know, could I still live here?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Should my life eventually come back here?
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: Or what would it look like?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like career-wise, I think I'd be in a different place and friend-wise, and just a lot of things.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it quieted that little person that talks to me asking those questions because it made me realize that and now I got to see it in a short snapshot of one weekend, and I still appreciate and love it, and will look forward to visits, but I also wanted my partner there and I missed my dog.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, it was eye-opening in that sense that now I know, now I know what it feels like to be back.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: And same thing with like doing a solo trip.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've never really had that bug, but some people do, and they just need to go and figure out maybe they love it, maybe they hate it.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now I have friends that have traveled solo and didn't like it.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have so many things to say about this in what you said, but I have one question for you.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: If your boyfriend was to be able to move back to New York, would you guys go to live in New York again with your boyfriend?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big question.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not, because and I people kept asking me while I was there too.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: They were like, what would it take for you to move back?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the response is my entire family would have to move.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have roots here that are beyond my relationship, and I'm very close to my family, and that is my family dynamic.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful for that and fortunate for that.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: I know that's not everyone's family dynamic, but for me it is.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: My brothers are my friends, my parents are my friends, my soon-to-be sister-in-law is my friend.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I as much as I miss my girlfriends because I believe so strongly in having a strong community, and I miss that.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: I also have a lot to gain by having my family as part of my community because I mean they're reliable.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: I never have to worry.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: They show up, they know me.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: They've known me, you know, every version of me, and they're still there at my side.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: So it would take that.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's so true.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you said that because I mean, you said when you move, is the alternative is if I don't like it, I can move back, and you'll always have that possibility, right?
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is the aftermath of making those big decisions and living through them and then going back to that place.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of gives you a reference of the point where you are in life right now.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's so important because you do kind of want to take care of the bug that is like telling you, okay, if something is bothering you, you need to address it because then it's just gonna get bigger and bigger.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: And what if it just takes the trip?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: It just takes doing the thing that is bugging you, and then you realizing, okay, it's not as bad anymore.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just quiet this monster out.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even a monster, it's just a tiny little voice that is becoming bigger and bigger over time.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: I like to clarify though, I don't want a trouble by myself.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's just not it's not like I'm like, I need to do a solo trip.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not like a soul searching trip.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm good.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying, if I have to go solo because nobody's available, I have to go.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like that.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's more so because do I want to be with people?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to do that.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing that I really you brought up that made me start thinking about it.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: People that are like, I would never think ending my relationship just because I want to travel.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know that just give me a question.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe going to your point about running from something is if you feel you have to end your relationship to go to trouble, then maybe you're using traveling to end your relationship that you're not really happy with.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am super happy with my relationship.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, because I'm so happy and I have that center for me, it's easier for me to be like, oh, I can just go to trouble and be by myself because I have my boyfriend and I'm happy and I'm not looking, you know what I mean?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure of going to other places and maybe I'll meet somebody, you know, all those things, it puts a lot of pressure.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: I really am there for the food, the experience, the hotels, all of that I crave.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: The fun and the new places and the new cultures, honestly.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that when I went to Spain for the first time, I was like, oh my god, this hits different.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because first I had my transition when I was 15 and I moved here.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there was no bigger transition than that, moving to the US.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: But then I forgot what it was like to be put in a completely different environment again.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that happened 15 years later that than that.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, oh my God, people move different.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I remember being in Spain and thinking, oh, this is just Latinos, right?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: People speak Spanish.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it was great.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: We all understood each other, but then I had a realization and I was like, no, no, no.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Spanish people are Europeans that speak Spanish, they're nothing like Latinos.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just so weird for my mind to comprehend because if I speak Spanish to you, then you should be like me, right?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like Latinos, it's not like every Latino moves the same, but they are there are a lot of similarities.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember thinking, oh, let's go to a bar in Europe, and I'm thinking, oh, it's just gonna be Latin vibes and all of that.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was techno, everyone, it was just it bears different.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh wow, this is how Spanish people party.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking, of course they listen to Spanish music and reggaeton and all of that, but it was different.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I think having that shock of culture, I loved.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, this is so fun to see how these people move.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, it's just fun.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I do think I craved that, and I said, I do want to experience those things.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually, when I have kids and I have a family, I would love for them to have that experience that I had.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's kind of I want them to be able to see the world.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think that when you expose yourself to the world, you learn about yourself more and you open your mind to different cultures.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to say things like it will make us better friends with everyone because you get to know other people and why they move like that, and they get to know me and why I move like this.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think it's something that everyone should do.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to clarify I am very happy.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I just I do need to travel and get that out of my system.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a couple things you said too that I wanted to highlight, which one of them starting off with how you should still go and do those trips if you, even if you don't have the friend or the partner, if your mind is telling you that you need to go and do it, go and make those experiences because it is wonderful.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I also love a culture shock, but I do think that exposure to other cultures and countries and people, it it makes you a more well-rounded person.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that it kind of eliminates judgments.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because to your point, even though it's something as simple as Spanish people listen to Spanish Latino music, and then you realize, wait, no, they're actually European, and having that eye-opening realization just makes you a more well-rounded person.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been fortunate that I've gotten to do a decent amount of traveling too before I moved to San Diego, which makes Europe way more difficult.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, I am very grateful for that time.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I think if I didn't do it, I'd probably be sitting here saying something similar to you because before I did it, I really wanted to.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: I really wanted to study abroad.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: I really wanted to go to Europe, and there's still so many places I want to do.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely have like changed my expectations because adulting, you know?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a little different now, but yeah, I think that to your point too, if you don't have a friend to go, still go.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's still gonna be worth the trip.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe, maybe you'll love solo travel.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you won't, but you won't know until you know.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just think that people will make things happen when they truly care about them.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's just no doubt in my mind.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you truly care about something, you will make it happen.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you didn't want it bad enough.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest thing is like I am trying to avoid growing old and regretting and maybe having um, for sure, bad feelings towards something or someone, my situation, all of that.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it does take courage to say, hey, I'm gonna do the thing that I want to do.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: For some people, it might sound overwhelming to be like, oh, I'm gonna take an airplane and go to like the country that I have no absolutely no idea about and all of that.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: But there's just so many beautiful things happening on the other side of fear.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that this is a reminder that if that's something that you're feeling, if it's troubling, if it's studying something, if it's maybe you are scared of the relationship, whatever it is, if something feels it's pulling you towards that direction, you need to go and do it wholeheartedly and try it out and make mistakes, and then I can just go back from this if I don't have to.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel there's a part of yourself that is gonna thank you, and that is probably pushing you to have that experience to help you grow.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was just having a conversation with someone last week, and I don't want to share what was going on, but I did ask this person, it's so easy to blame other people for what happens to us.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: But basically, this person had the opportunity to come to the US earlier on in life in their 20s.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked this person, do you really want to come?
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think of me, right?
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was growing up, and ever since I have memory, I remember going to airports and being obsessed and being thinking, if somebody tells me you're going on an airplane to the United States at the age of four, I would have been like, Let's go.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't care.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: I won't miss my parents, let's go.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I kept asking her, like, did you really want to come?
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you did, I think you would have.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think you would have been like, oh no, I'm in a relationship.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think you would have been like, I'm going.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't care.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had to ask this person multiple times, did you really want it to come?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, finally, she was like, you know what?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it wasn't like what I was envisioning for myself at the time.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel having those realizations are so important because then you kind of let go of those things that are holding you back.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, if I would have done it, if I would have done it.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if you wanted to, you probably would have.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and so that's the part of me where if I want to trouble, I will do it.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: With friends, without friends by myself, I don't care to finish that little rent there.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: I just think that this is a good self-discovery thing that you can do.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's how much are you willing to do the thing that you're afraid of?
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're really not willing to do it, it's because you don't want it bad enough.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing is gonna stop you from it, you know?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: So also I love a little solo moment.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: I feel I've done snippets of that.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: I went to New York last year.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: My brother was there for two weeks, and he was doing something with his work, so I was just there tagging along.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, I wake up every day.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Also, the circumstances were pretty nice, though.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: We were staying in Central Park, and I would wake up every day and have breakfast and then just read and then walk in Central Park.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved being by myself, just walking around with my thoughts.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's so important to do that too.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be in a trip, it's just checking with yourself, be with yourself, because I think it's really nice to in a world that is just noise, and you it's great to have relationships and all of that, but checking in with yourself and being alone, it really makes you feel so different about life and everything.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna end my rant there.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_01: I do want to play devil's advocate for a second, too, because I think sometimes when people talk about things that they want to do and they don't do, and it's not always because they actually don't want to do it.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: It sometimes it's fear.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: Fear is a really big inhibitor.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: It can be really scary to say, you know, I know I have a boyfriend and I know I have my friends here and a house and a job and all of these things, but hey, I want to go and go on a solo trip for two weeks and having a partner that is understanding of that and can be patient for that and hold space for you to do so because you know that can bring up things for them.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it makes them feel a certain way.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: But there's so many.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: I have a friend who is taking a leave of absence and solo traveling to India for a month, and I could not imagine doing that partially because of fear.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know if I could take a leave of absence and come back to a job and have that lack of stability.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, that's somebody who is obviously going against whatever mind that sound is in your mind that's telling you to be fearful.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: She's not listening to it.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: She's saying, Yeah, I'm gonna go do it.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that that's another component of people not always doing the things that they put out there.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: But if you talk about it enough, I think things happen just naturally.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I want to or you make peace with it.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought growing up, did you look at adults?
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I always had the stops.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you look at some lives and everyone has their own journey, but sometimes I always wonder what did it take to get you here?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: Would you hear some people and they're not happy with where they're at in life, in their adults, right?
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember growing up and seeing that normal it's adult and whatever.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I go through the adulting process, I keep thinking, what would it take for me to get there?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: What would it take for me to get in that headspace and that mindset to develop that type of life where I am not really happy?
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe they're happy, but maybe you know, this is just a kid thinking about when somebody's complaining about their lives, right?
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I do think that to your point, fear is the biggest thing.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think our generation gets it easier because I think we grew up thinking, oh, we can do anything and we can really just do it and go for it.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and there's a lot of more information and that helps us and all of that.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think our parents' generation, there were so many set rules and so many cultural things that they were like, you're not allowed to do this because of religion, because of culture, because of political things.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: They were so put in this box that they couldn't really see far anything.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: And everything was out of fear, right?
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this because whatever.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this because of these things.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I see a lot of you know adults where they're just like, oh my god, like you could have just done this.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then we go back to their lives in at that specific moment in life when they just made this decision that changed everything, and then it would have been so simple.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now they can see it.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we are very fortunate to be in the generation that we are in, really to be this age at this time in life, aside of AI and all of that that is happening, but that's a different conversation.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think we were encouraged to be like, just go, make mistakes, it's fine, you'll be fine.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that mindset took away a little bit of that fear.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I do think humanity's biggest thing is being scared.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we don't do things because we're scared.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is there's so much knowledge and everything that we could do past that fear.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_00: And we were talking about real estate, even that you talk about it, and it was an unpacking moment, too, where you were like, oh yeah, if I knew a little bit more about this, maybe I wouldn't have so much fear.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the things that are taboo and that people don't talk about, they're not as bad.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: And like it gives you a bigger space to make a decision from rather than no, this is very unattainable and I can't do it.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, and this is why we want to bring these conversations because we want to talk about the things that people don't talk about that can just break those things down and maybe help somebody who is feeling that type of way and maybe is feeling overwhelmed.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because all of this, when it comes at once, can be a lot.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it is a lot.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we wrap up.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: Today was a lot, a lot of things, but we just really wanted to have that conversation about the aftermath of those transitions.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like the happy ending, and you know, oh, you move with your boyfriend and the end, and nothing happens, and like we don't know what happened after that end of the movie.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's a lot of things that you have to experience after that, and this is the life after.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you were able to go back and kind of get that little voice quiet down that like was in there with you.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just to invite people to listen.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you're having those thoughts, the scare, even before you make a decision or after the fact, there is consequences and there is things that you have to deal with even after the fact.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna go away.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that's the fun part where you work through those things, and so we invite anybody who is feeling this way to listen and tune off it alone because this is what we're doing, this right?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're having these conversations to help anybody who's going through those transitions.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna close it out really quick.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Share this podcast with anybody, your group chat, your friends who feel equal resonate, and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, at Wait What's Next Pod.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're also on YouTube.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, we'll see you guys.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: See you soon.