Latest / Tits, Wit, & Grit / Speaking Up and Speaking Candidly with Tess Fyalka
Transcript
- Sara Frasca: Tits Wit and Grit is a podcast created to hold honest, intelligent conversations with women who lead, build, and navigate demanding professional lives. This podcast was born from a belief that women benefit from spaces where experience is honored, perspective is shared openly, and leadership can be discussed in both depth and candor, and maybe even a little laughter. Each episode brings forth voices that will offer insight drawn from their experience, and we will all speak honestly about leadership, resilience, ambition, and personal evolution. So let's get started. Tits, wit, and grit. Welcome, listeners, to another episode of Tits Wit and Grit. Today we are thrilled to welcome Tess Fyalka to Tits Wit and Tess is an award-winning leadership development coach. She's a corporate trainer, she's a keynote speaker, and an author with more than 25 years of experience helping leaders navigate challenges that come with growth and change. She's also the founder of Angle Coaching and Leadership Development, where she's equipping leaders and teams with the skills to communicate better, to build resilience, to create healthier, more effective workplaces. Now, Tess has worked across corporate, nonprofit, government, higher educational organizations, and she's one of a select group of coaches worldwide to earn the International Coaching Federation's advanced certification. She's also the author of Walking the Leadership Ledge, which is a practical guide that's helping new leaders to step into their roles with confidence instead of fear. In today's conversation, we're going to talk about what really happens when you're promoted into a leadership role, why the skills that got you here aren't necessarily the ones that will keep you here and get you ahead. How courage, how compassion, how honest conversations can transform. The way we lead ourselves and others. Tess, we are so excited to talk to you today. Tess Fyalka: Sara I thank you so much for that generous introduction. I really appreciate it. And I am so excited to be here and talk to what are clearly three amazing women in this crazy world of life and work. So thank you. Tracy Hill: Tess, we're so excited to have you here and super excited to just dive right in. So I'm gonna I'm gonna hit you with this first question, my friend. Tell us about tits. I mean, okay, well, you know, not really. But tell us what you love about being a woman. Tess Fyalka: Well, gosh, there are I I think we are At a tremendous advantage, frankly, because women, because of our our our cultural upbringing and the experiences that we have in that cultural upbringing, we are able to tune into the room. We're able to read the room so much more effectively. And when it comes to leadership, for example, women are statistically proven to be better leaders. And A recent study it came out a couple years ago through the leadership circle, and s you guys you may have seen it, and it would it just it showed how because women are so adept at reading the room and they can connect with people so much more effectively, generally speaking, of course. the That ability to get work done through others increases exponentially, which of course in leadership, that's a really critical ability. That's a really critical skill. And the other elements of leadership that are just as important, you know, such as strategy and executing on the goals and those kinds of things, those are skills that while men have traditionally really excelled at, those are skills that women can learn just as easily. And because we are very adaptable and we do read the room and we and we get a sense of okay, what do I need? How do I need to show up in this situation? We're so much more agile, you know, generally speaking, that I think that's that's a real advantage to to being a woman. in addition to the fact that, you know, we get to wear really great clothes and you know, the seasons change, and so do our clothes, Laura: Ha ha. Tess Fyalka: you know. We're not wearing, you know, like my husband has has clothes that he wore when he was. 16 years old because men's styles never change and and we got you know, really cute, albeit very uncomfortable shoes. but you know, and and you know, just all the things that are part of of being a woman and being a leader and being a mom and being able to to flex in what is often a really rigid world. Laura: so Tess, you touched on it like, you know, whether you want to call it like our emotional intelligence or, you know, sometimes we often refer to it as the kind of the creep meter where you just have this, you're able to read the room, you kinda have that intuition. How have you seen that play in some of the leadership situations that you've been in? Tess Fyalka: That's a really good question. I you know, and I think it's something that happens at the unconscious level. You know, I you know, I think it's one of those things where where you walk into the room and and at least for me, you know, I'm paying attention to what is said and what isn't said. And oftentimes I'm really paying much more attention to what isn't said. And getting a sense of okay what's the what's the interpersonal energy here, what's the dynamic here, what's the power structure here. And so I think that in terms of and then and that in informs me, right? So as I am you know, navigating what might be a team situation and then then I can I can assess okay what's actually going on here beneath the surface if you will and and I think you know that's something as a coach you know as you guys you probably talk to coaches quite a bit and so so you know that's something that we cultivate as coaches but I but again I think because women we've been socialize to do that so much more naturally and and through the generations that we are able to tap into that more readily than you know someone who's really looking at just what are the facts and what are the data and what are people telling me. Whereas Sara Frasca: Mm-hmm. Tess Fyalka: I feel like we can we can mesh the two. Sara Frasca: Yeah. I I just have two quick comments. The first is it's almost like a superpower and I think of it as like x-ray vision. And of course I'm not meaning, you know, you're x-raying through a physical body, but you're x-raying through the cloak of whatever situation to see the real underpinning of emotion of the power struggle or power dynamics or whatever is almost in that lower level. And I mean I I had goosebumps when you were talking because it's so invaluable and yet we almost have never even allowed it to be a part of the discussion. The second thing I was thinking is that as maybe I've gone through my journey, I think becoming a mom made me better at work. And the work part made me better at being a mom. And of course we're all learning and growing and evolving as we go, but there's that kind of sweet spot be between those years of having the parenting and the working both together because they're both kind of feeding into that superpower. I don't know, can you comment on that at all? Do you agree with me or? Tess Fyalka: absolutely. And and being a parent is work and working is also your you also have to nurture and parent those around you. And and so and I and it you know, it also I think it When when I first had my children, yeah, I I remember I remember I would say, you know, it was like the world went from black and white to technicolor because you it was like, there is so much more here, you know, it's like things are not so straightforward and is easy and it's black and white and you know and and you know, I can't quite as easily, you know, judge, you know, somebody, Laura: Right. Tess Fyalka: well they didn't do this or you know, they were late for the meeting or you know, whatever in my in my, you know, highly controlling, you know, way that way that I was. And all of that, and I still struggle with to this day, but I think that just sort of this wow, this recognition that that there is so much more here to this thing called life. And I think having children just shines a big bright light on that. And and so much more to you know the person sitting next to me and the the person you know on the phone and and just the we're also multidimensional and and that that acknowledgement and appreciation for the the human being that that I'm working with or or working for or standing next to in the grocery store. Laura: Yeah, I think on that point, I mean the superpower and what I think for like our listeners and even for myself, and this isn't for everybody, but I think being on a screen and not being with people. I kind of wonder what's gonna happen a little bit of, you know, without those, you know, the ability to walk in a room and kind of read the room, right? Because I do think there is wisdom there of like you you can feel it, right? And I think women, like we said, it's our superpower. On a screen, especially if people aren't using cameras and all that, that's where I think it's a detriment to kind of I don't know if it's a detriment to the evolution of women, that's you know, that that's way too like philosophical, but more of just how do you develop that skill. 'Cause I think it is a skill that has to be honed, of the visual being able to see the visual effects of just being with people. And so, you know, I I I can tell like I miss it. Like I miss being a part of a screen environment all the time. And I know there's people who love it, but I think there's something there. so I wanna keep us I I wanna make sure we have our superpower, and I think a screen is sometimes limiting to our superpower. So but I I'm gonna Tess Fyalka: Yeah, yeah. Laura: move into the next superpower, wit. So wit, we've had people say like humor could be humor. Could be sarcasm, could be how you've used that to just cope with situations. So Tess, tell us a little bit about that, the the role wit has played in your journey. Tess Fyalka: Yeah, yeah, you know, that that that is such a good question and it and I think I don't feel like, you know, when I think of wit, I think of somebody who is witty, you know, and and they've got a great sense of humor. And and if I'm being honest, I don't necessarily although I've been told I've I can be very funny, yeah, I don't see that in myself. but what I think for me it's like it's like perspective, you know, it's like, okay, I'm not holding on so tightly to this situation so seriously that I can't create a little bit of space where it's like, okay, wait a minute. you know, like this really isn't the big deal that my immediate reaction was was telling me that it was. So Laura: Mm-hmm. Tess Fyalka: so that gaining perspective and I think in that that as part of gaining perspective, you know, we're seeing the humor in it, in that, yeah, okay, well, you know, I, you know, totally face planted, you know, that particular project, you know, and that sucked in the moment. And, you know, but i I'm also I'm not gonna I'm not gonna let that define my life. I'm you know, it's like, okay, yeah, that that there was a reason why that situation occurred and and what am I going to tap into there so that I can draw from that and I can use that as a, yeah, you know that, you know, I I raised my hand and yeah, I I fell flat on my face on that, and that's okay because that's all part of it. but it's gonna take me a while to get there. I might not be be laughing out loud over that, you know, initially. It might be just, you know, some some tears and and and a meltdown and I might have to shop and and you know I might have to have a cocktail or three. And Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: you know, so you know, whatever, whatever it is that I need in that moment to process the thing that I think really caused me to say, hey, I need to get perspective around this and separation. Yeah. Laura: that's also admitting that you don't know everything. You don't have all the answers. And it's okay of if I do need to get perspective and I can kinda not not laugh at yourself, but like like, okay, well, that didn't work out so well and I wish I would have known that. I think I think that kind of unpeeling as I say or un unpacking that onion of humor, there's many facets to it. So thank you for sharing that 'cause I think it's it's a reality that people don't it's not about telling jokes. So Tess Fyalka: Yes, yeah. And Laura, you hit on something that that I just I just want to shine a little bit of a light on and it because such an important point in terms of just like for for the the new leader, if you will. I don't know. You know, it's like I talk about your your three best friends as a new leader are the words I don't know. And it's okay because you're gonna find out and and you're gonna learn from this experience where you didn't know, and then you're gonna have the courage next time not to put so much pressure on yourself to feel like, I have to have all the answers. And I mean, because I don't know about you, but you know, certainly early on in my career where it was like, God, you know, they're putting me in this position, you know, I gotta act like I know what the heck I'm doing. And then, you know, when I don't, you know, the fear of acknowledging I don't know and that you know that is such a real fear especially for folks earlier in their career until you know like you get you know old like me and it's like yeah you know you know what I do know is that you know the sun will you know will rise in the east and it'll set in the west but pretty much everything else is kind of on it on the table. You know, not sure. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Laura: Yep. Mm-hmm. For sure. Tracy Hill: It's like what you're saying though is like wit has a a brother and a sister or companions called Grace and Humility, right? And so you're coaching and teaching those new leaders to understand to give themselves a little bit of grace as they're navigating these new waters. And one of those tools for that is utilizing wit to your point, right? Tess Fyalka: Yes, yes. Grace. my gosh, yes, grace. If we could all just get better about giving ourselves more grace, especially early on. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tracy Hill: Absolutely. That's great. So kind of continuing with the theme, my friend, you know, tits, wit, and grit, talk to us a little bit about grit. You know, what role has that played for you in your world? And what could you share, a story or anything along those lines? Tess Fyalka: Yes, yes. Well Wow, yeah, grit. Grit is grit's kind of been a theme throughout, for sure. you know, it's like I I think yeah, we we talked a little bit about, you know, like the upbringing, the the youngest of six children, and you know, very much oops the caboose by many, many years, and you know, raised by parents who were born, you know, during the depression and then saw World War II, undiagnosed PTSD, you know, all of those. kinds of things that you know for that generation, you know, they didn't have the the access to mental health and and people weren't talking about mental health all the time. I mean it was like that generation, you know, taught those of us, you know, who were raised by generation, you just power through. You know, it's just grit. And you know, you just you j you just you get after it and you get it done and you do what needs to be done to to get the job done if you will. grit for me probably was became extremely evident when I had when I went into business for myself and when it was like I quit a really good job with all the benefits you know and all the things you know and the nice salary and great vacation and all that stuff and and and it was just like you know I couldn't do it anymore. I mean it was just there was lots of stuff going on lots of political stuff little P, big P going on and you know I I just I couldn't do it anymore. And so, but I was working so many hours, you know, like that was what you did. You know, you worked, you know, 50, 60 hours, you had two small children, and and so I so I knew that I wanted to go into business for myself, but I was I had no time, you know, to set up the infrastructure, you know, and and of course, you know, I broke all the rules, you know, because you're you're not supposed to go into business for yourself without, you know, having, you know, like a business plan. And having clients lined up and and you're you know you're kind of doing that on the side. Well, that wasn't going to happen, you know. So so I just had to make the decision to to quit this really good paying job and go into business for myself without a single client lined up. And it was n it was not the generation, it was not the era when when you did that. I mean, if you quit a good job, it was because you were going to another good job, you know, or you were going to Be a stay-at-home mom. So that was, yeah, that was probably one of the biggest grit tests for me. Sara Frasca: The interesting thing about that moment is that you're kind of betting on yourself. And so, you know, as I reflect back to the moments when I did the same, that grit comes to play because the little voice inside your ear has to keep you going. Like the that's like the grit voice is like there's nobody else. You gotta keep doing whatever it is that you're doing. Did you f did you I I mean, can you relate to the like sentiment of having that little voice? Tess Fyalka: absolutely. It's like, okay, well, nobody's gonna be telling me how to do this. I have to figure it out. It's like you just go, you get after it, and you figure it out. And you know, it's that same kind of tenacity that I think, you know, successful women are already applying. And so so it's like when it comes to, you know, going out on your own, it's like, okay, well, you know, we're gonna power through, we're gonna get it done, we're gonna figure it out. And you know, and it's that it's that moment, you know, and you can't look to anybody else for validation. You know, you've you've got to look in the mirror and you've got to say, I can do this because I don't have another choice. I have to do this. Yeah. And I want to do it. Yeah. Laura: It I was just gonna say, and it sounds like you wanted to do it. Like you you set the path and you went after it. So congratulations. Well done. Well done. Good grit. And Sara when you were talking, I think I've got a name, Tess Fyalka: Could write, yes. Mm-hmm. Laura: the grit gargoyle. You know, that kind of talks in your ear. 'Cause And the gargoyle, Sara Frasca: the angel and the devil and then the grit dark. Laura: I don't know, but you know And sometimes Sara Frasca: Like it. Laura: sometimes he or she's crabby, but anyway, that's another podcast. okay, so let's Tess Fyalka: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: Good, I like it, Laura. I'm seeing t shirt. Laura: so yeah, exactly. So we kind of are gonna move into our section where we talk about shit. We're gonna talk about shit, no shit, good shit. And so I'm gonna kick it off here, Tess. Of tell us about an shit moment. And again, personally, professionally, where you're like, wow, shit. Whether good, shit bad that just happened, shit, what am I gonna do? I'm I'm I'm giving you some some pointers of like 'cause there's probably a lot of shits you've had. Tess Fyalka: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, plenty of shit to go around. So yeah, Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: it yeah, it's a it's a shit smorgasboard. Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: but so the I yeah, I think probably one of the one of the biggest shit moments, and I think it really it really reflected on on my naivete, you know, is that it was like when I was in the workplace and it was like, okay, yeah, I had this notion that it wasn't be like the playground anymore. And it was like, no, this this is absolutely the playground. It's just that people are wearing three piece suits and three inch heels. And and so it was just like in in this recognition that, you know, in Depending on the environment, if it's a really dysfunctional and toxic environment, then you know, folks will do really darn near anything for power and control. And you know, I had this silly illusion that it's like, you know, we're here for the mission, we're here for the values, you know, Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: we're here to we're here to do wonderful things for those we serve. And and certainly there are organizations, you know, where that is. And I am a huge proponent of that and I talk about that all the time and how important that is. But I think it was living in, you know, experiencing that, you know, earlier on in my career, it's like, yeah, you know, girl, that that's just not, you know, th they might have the pretty posters on the wall, but it doesn't mean, you know. they're living it. And it just was it was a rude awakening for me because I had, you know, such you know, such blissful ignorance about the real world, like s like so many of us do, and such, you know, such you know unbridled optimism and all of those things. And it was just It was an important milestone and in terms of my own growth and development and probably one that we all go through at some point. but you know it it's also another one of those things in terms of okay, well yeah, sure, that's that's all part it's all part of it. It's all part of the mosaic that is life and that that shapes you in terms of yeah, that's That's how certain environments are and what am I going to choose and how am I going to live my own life, am I going to say, yeah, I you know, I I can play that game, you know, I can Laura: Mm-hmm. Tess Fyalka: play that game, I want to play that game, or am I going to say, I can play the game, but I don't want to play the game. And that's not who I choose to be, and it's not who I want to be, it's not part of my DNA. And so that that moment where it's like, okay, I am a choice here. What am I going to choose? In this situation where I'm at a crossroads, what road am I going to take? Laura: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Wow. You brought me back in my head. I mean, I went right back to the moment where I had that same thing and I worked for an organization that was a food manufacturer and my shit was just like you said, I thought I thought we made the best products and had the best food. And then I was like, shit. They're trying to cut the cost of goods, which means less and less ingredients, which means the product's getting worse on purpose. And I I then I went and I worked for like our nonprofit organization for like the next nine years and worked with Laura. And I just I mean, I was like that choice moment that you just described was like, well, I can decide that this isn't for me, or I can decide to do something else that may be a part of this organization that does feel better for me. I just I had like a visceral reaction to your story. Like it's a really powerful moment. And owning the like Also, we may be cut from the same like naive cloth of like, everybody's here to do good and we're just gonna like follow it and like everybody's so happy and we're doing good. Didn't turn out to be. Well, okay. That's great. All right, good. Wow. Laura: We are gonna solve world peace. Yeah. Let's go. Tess Fyalka: yeah. We are. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But I you know, I think you make an important point in terms Sara Frasca: yeah. Tess Fyalka: of the visceral reaction, right? In the in that it's like you you can't be okay with that because that like your DNA makeup is like, yeah, no, I can't do this. You know, and you can force yourself to do it to play along because some some folks will tell themselves I have no choice. But you recognize that you you are a choice. It might not be ideal, it might be great and it might not be great in this moment, but you know, you you you don't have to be a prisoner, you don't have to be a victim. You can decide how you're gonna live your life. Sara Frasca: Good. All right. Let's talk next about no shit. So a boundary, a habit that kind of changed the game for you where you were like, that is that. I'm not putting up with that. Tess Fyalka: one of the really, really big ones was when, you know, I I decided that I am not going to tell my boss what he or she wants to hear. And you know, That was like I I cannot do that. It was just a another one of those where it's like I am not serving the organization if I am not being candid, it's not being disrespectful, but if I am not being candid with what I am seeing in the organization as it relates to whatever it is, you know, that is, you know, you know, part of part of my role, or just like, hey, have we paid, have we noticed what the impact is of this particular decision and that yeah I I just couldn't I just can't do it you know I can I can't be the person who sugarcoats it and who tells you what you want to hear because that that is not in service to you know I will still hold on to what are we here together to achieve in this organization and and whether you know whether it's real or not I'm going to choose to to live it because that's how I feel like I can bring bring the best version of me forward and I'm n I'm not gonna plead I'm not gonna pretend that everything's okay when it's not. Sara Frasca: When was that moment for you? I'm just curious because again, we've talked a little bit about kind of the young stages of or our the beginnings of our careers. And I feel like there was a little bit of like, okay, I'm just gonna salute the flag, no matter what the flag is, but then there becomes that moment. So w what was that like time frame or what was that part of your life? Tess Fyalka: I think that was an evolution. And I think it was really in honestly it if if I'm being really well I I spent so I went into business for myself and I did that for fourteen years and I think that probably was it was in that point or in in that era, if you will, where I when I went back into an organization, which I did for another ten years after I was in business for myself, you know, the first time and and I went back into an organization and, you know, part of it was age and you know part of it was like, you know, look, I can go back into business for myself at any at any time. And it was just I had so much more clarity around what I value, what I believe in, you know, what I'm gonna stand for, what I'm what I'm gonna put up with and what I'm not gonna put up with. And I think it was just I knew myself better by that point and and that was really probably what equipped me to put a stake in the ground around that particular conviction, if you will. Laura: Mm-hmm. Were you afraid? Tess Fyalka: Was I afraid? You know, no, I wasn't afraid, Laura. And I you know, I think it w you know, there there were plenty of times in my life where in my career where I've been afraid, I can tell you that. But the but that decision around I I think it just caused me so much more anxiety around not speaking up and and the potential for residual impact for that that the damage could be much greater if I didn't speak up. And and being and again it it it was never with disrespect. It was always risk with respect and and the and I value that and I know that you know, part of it is is because of my training and I know how important it is to be able to you know, articulate in and and communicate the concerns and and to be able to have the difficult conversations. And, you know, the you know, that doesn't come just naturally. I mean it it comes with practice and intentionality and all of those kinds of things, but but Nothing good happens when we look the other way and pretend that we don't see what we truly do see. It's it's all of it's all of the stuff, in my opinion, that we are facing in the in our world today and the challenges that we face because we're oftentimes not speaking up. Laura: Right. Mm-hmm. Well said. Okay. Good shit. Let's talk about some good shit. Tell us. The good. Tess Fyalka: Okay. gosh. I have so much. gosh. I have so much. Yeah. So much good shit. you know, first of all. I love what I do. Laura: Mm. Tess Fyalka: and you know, that's fabulous. I have a wonderful husband and and you know, two two smart and caring adult children and two beautiful grandsons and and I a new community where where I am excited to get to know people and new challenges and all of that. And so you know, I'm very blessed, you know, to to have a very supportive partner who I've had, you know, for many, many decades. So I've been extremely, you know, fortunate on that on that end. And and you know, it's just I have my health knock on wood. So there's just and I have this opportunity to talk to three amazing women, you know, today. And I I was able to fulfill a lifelong goal and write a book and get it published and and that. And so I I I've been blessed many, many times over. So it's there's a a whole lot of good shit. Sara Frasca: That's great. Laura: That's great. Sara Frasca: That's really great. Okay, if you had like just a quick summary of the people that you like working with the most, I was just thinking to myself, you know, what are your because I mean you're doing so much good and people can obviously read and self-implement, but I know you work with groups, you work with teams. Who are like your favorite to come across and you can really dig in and help them? Tess Fyalka: Yeah, you know, Sarah, it is an interesting irony because I well, I I I love to work with people. I really love to work with women and I because they just you know, they want to learn and they want to grow and but it what's interesting the irony is the universe keeps sending me to these extremely male dominated organizations. And it's like I spent ten years working in commercial construction. Of course there's so much out there that it that is, you know, male dominant, but yeah, ten years working in commercial construction and now I'm working with with multiple law enforcement groups and so it's just really Really interesting, you know, why the universe. I I wish I could figure this one out because I'm like, can you send me more women and more women's Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: groups and more organizations? But it's like the universe is like n like telling me, no, no, you have to work with you know more male-dominated, you know, command and control hierarchical organizations. I'm I'm kind of scratching my head. But if I could, you know, pick pick the people that I would I would my ideal clients, you know, they're they're career women, they're playing small. They they they know they're they're capable of so much more and so much more potential and they they just haven't they haven't developed, you know, the the the the tools, the competence, the the the courage to step more fully into what they're truly capable of. And and it it is It's just it's too often that I s that I see women holding back and playing small and it's like, my God, girl, when when you when you step into what you are capable of, I mean, it's like, you know, you can set the world on fire, you know, in the best possible way. And so yeah, it it's it's and it's it's just extremely fulfilling for me. But I am really excited because it looks like I'm possibly gonna be in a partnership with Missouri Leaders Association, Missouri Women. Leaders, Missouri women leaders. And so that, I'm really excited about that. So yeah. Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: Great. That's great. Yeah. And I mean, I I always like to think as well when I'm, you know, again, we have Tits Whit Grit as a podcast. We focus on really helping women. and I think we do just as much good with working with men because we can bring a different perspective and a different lens. And so maybe that is why the universe is doing what it is. And I might. Yeah. Laura: And they might need more help. I'm just kidding. So Jess, when you said playing Sara Frasca: Huh. Tess Fyalka: Maybe Laura: small, someone heard someone say, stop majoring in the minors. Get to the next link. Tess Fyalka: Yes, yes. Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: That's great. Hmm. Tess Fyalka: Mm-hmm. Laura: So it's like and again a sports analogy kind of but like, okay, I get your point. Sara Frasca: okay, well, if it's okay with you, I'm gonna go into our lightning round, which you didn't have a lot of prep on these questions, but we always love kind of concluding our podcast by asking a couple of extra questions that help us get to know our guests. So the first one is a favorite book or piece of media that has helped to shape who you are. Tess Fyalka: So I think probably one of my favorite books is actually I'm I'm gonna say there are two. One of them is is Multipliers by Liz Wiseman. And I love that book because I mean it really speaks to it doesn't matter where you are in an organization, you are you know you can you can have impact, you can create the culture no matter where you are in the organization, and just are you are you building up on people are you building people or are you breaking them down? And and I and so I love that book and it I think that came out several years ago. another book that I really love is The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah And that is that that's a it it's historical fiction, you know, speaks to World War II and it really I think it really captures so well my mother's story of living living in France. It wasn't her story but but so much of what she talked about was so similar to you know what what Kristin Hannah talks about in this book and the occupation of France and the impact of the war on all of these families. And so it's a really powerful book personally for me. Sara Frasca: I've read both and both are amazing and an interesting kind of, you know, again, historical fiction and kind of a self-help business type of book and gosh, great lessons from both. All right, a mantra or a phrase that you like to live by. Tess Fyalka: Yes I can. Yes I will. Tracy Hill: Yeah, I couldn't. Laura: Nice. Sara Frasca: Again, I see more t-shirts. This time more slogan. And maybe tank top. Okay, Tracy Hill: Yeah. Laura: Tank Top. Tank Top. Tess Fyalka: Ha ha ha. Sara Frasca: good. And maybe with the grit gargoy gargoyle sitting on the on the very corner of that Laura: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: There you go. Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: one. Good, I love it. Okay. one thing that reliably grounds you when things get heavy. Tess Fyalka: So I am a daily meditator and so yeah, ev every day it is i you know, if it's for for ten minutes or for twenty minutes or whatever. And so I yeah, and that honest to God has that has really helped me to maintain my sanity in in the chaos, whatever the chaos is. So Sara Frasca: Great. That's really great. okay, one thing that very few people know about you that you want to share now with all of our listeners. Tess Fyalka: Hmm, one thing very few people know about me. probably that at one point in my life I was an elevator voice. Floor one. Sara Frasca: Okay, give us give us a little pr all three of us leaned in. Okay, tell us like tell Tess Fyalka: Lower too. Mm-hmm. Yes. Sara Frasca: us what did what would be the thing. Laura: Where? Who? Tess Fyalka: Yeah, so so I so I put myself through college working in radio and so you know I ended up yeah the one of the engineers he I guess he had a friend who worked for Anheuser Busch and he happened to listen to me and he said could she be our elevator voice? So yes, welcome to Anheuser Busch. Floor one, floor two. I don't know. I don't do they still have talking elevators? Sara Frasca: Singing. Tess Fyalka: I don't know. This this was early early in the talking elevator era. So Sara Frasca: I mean that's fascinating. I don't know that I've ever gotten into an elevator with mus or with like a voice, but I was thinking it would really help for people who are like visually impaired. Okay, okay, yeah. Laura: Yeah, they do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Wow. Very Tracy Hill: That's great. Tess Fyalka: Yeah, I think that gig Laura: Reminded me Tess Fyalka: I think I earned a hundred bucks for that gig. But yes, right. But I can talk about it for decades, yes. Mm-hmm. Sara Frasca: All right. So cool. So cool. Okay. happy our drink of choice test. Tess Fyalka: I wish that weren't so easy for me to respond to. So, all right, so I I make a cocktail that is called the Twisted Sister because I am one of four sisters. And so yeah, so so my cocktail is it's a shot of vodka. A shot of Grand Marnier and two shots of pink grapefruit juice. And it's really, really good. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, write that down, Laura. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. I don't know. Is that good? Or or sh yeah. I don't know. I it's like Sara Frasca: Cool. Okay, yeah. Yeah. We're taking notes. Okay, good. That's really fun. Well, I think it's great. I mean, I if I was you, because this is how I work, I would go like get the trademark on that immediately. Like the twisted sister. It's good. Tess Fyalka: See yeah. Sara that's why that's Laura: That's awesome. Tess Fyalka: why you do what I do what you do and I and I Sara Frasca: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: do what I 'cause I'm like, yeah, whatever. So I should do that. But but no. Laura: And let's wrap up let's wrap up this podcast. I got some things to do. Sara Frasca: Exactly. I need a twisted sister. Well, Tracy Hill: Yeah. Tess Fyalka: Yes. Right. Mm-hmm. There you go. Mm-hmm. And make make sure you use ocean vodka. You gotta use good vodka, ocean vodka. And Sara Frasca: it truly Okay. Tess Fyalka: now I'm now I'm really gonna be judged out there. So yeah. so enough. Okay, sorry. Okay. Sara Frasca: Okay, good. Good. All right. Do you put like a little like umbrella in it or is it like on ice Tess Fyalka: No, that's way too much Sara Frasca: or Tess Fyalka: Yeah. well it's like you shake it like in a shaker and then you put it in in a in a cool martini glass. Yeah. Yeah. Sara Frasca: Okay. Awesome. Okay. All right. I love it. Well, we Tracy Hill: Yes. Sara Frasca: really appreciate chatting with you. I mean, you're doing so much out there in the world. And I hope our listeners can glean a little bit of insight from you and from this conversation. I know I have. So thank you. Thank you for being here. Tess Fyalka: Well, thank you so much. This has been a blast. I could chat with you, you amazing women all afternoon. So, and thank you for creating this place for other women to come and learn and grow and share from each other. It's been so awesome. Sara Frasca: That's it for today's episode of Tits, Wit and Grit, where bold women, big ideas, and a little bit of fearless attitude collide. Tracy Laskos: If today's conversation sparked something for you, share it with someone who needs it and make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss what's coming next. Laura Raether: Remember, show up with confidence, trust your wit, and never underestimate the power of grit. See you next time.