Latest / Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast / Step Into!

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Step Into! · Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
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I have a question for you. On a scale of 1 to
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10, how emotionally intelligent are you? I'm
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going to start today's program with a story of
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how my lack of emotional intelligence literally
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almost destroyed my ministry. You don't want
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to miss it. Today on Living on the Edge, Chip
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Ingram opens 1 Timothy chapter 4 and builds the
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case that doing the right thing in the wrong
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way is still the wrong thing. Coaching tip number
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five from the Apostle Paul, no amount of gift
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or knowledge can make up for a lack of emotional
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intelligence. Chip shares a story from his early
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years as a pastor that makes the point unforgettable.
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I'm Dave Drewy, and we're in our series called
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You Can Make Disciples, Personal Coaching from
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the Apostle Paul. You can always revisit any
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of these lessons at livingontheedge .org. Well,
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here's Chip Ingram with his message titled, Step
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Into. Coaching tip number five from the Apostle
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Paul as he gives us some life coaching as he
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talked to that young man, Timothy, is that no
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amount of gift or brains can make up for a lack
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of emotional intelligence. One of the dangers
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of getting really clear, getting very focused,
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focusing, saying this is what God wants me to
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do, is you can like run over people on the journey.
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You can be insensitive to what's going on around
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you. You can do the very right thing in the very
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wrong way or at the wrong time, and you can actually
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blow up what God wants to do. I have so many
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illustrations of how I've done this, I don't
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know where to begin. But I was a young pastor
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in the southern part of the country. It wasn't
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until I went to this church I realized that people
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in America still had a concept of the north and
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the south. I mean, I didn't grow up in that world.
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And it was a, you know, and you've heard of mega
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churches. This is what was called a mini church.
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They had about 35 people on a good Sunday. That
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was a different world. Guns in the back of pickup
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trucks. guys wearing John Deere hats. And when
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I would walk into the one and only restaurant
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at the time, they would whisper like this so
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that everyone could hear, hey, I think that's
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that new preacher boy. And so we started a little
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good news club at our house. It was a very kind
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of mixed neighborhood. There was no zoning. And
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so it was just all kind of different houses that
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had been jammed together over a period of 50
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years. And so there was black kids and Hispanic
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kids and white kids and my two. It was very,
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very exciting. Pretty soon this little good news
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club was almost as big as a church. And so I
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thought it behooves me to pile all of them in
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a van or two and take them out to our Wednesday
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night service of six people who usually showed
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up. And so my wife, who's not a great disciplinarian
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of our own kids, has like 12 kids of multi -colors
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in the next room. creating unbelievable chaos
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as I'm the new pastor teaching these six people
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on Wednesday night. Got a call the next couple
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days telling me that this is really not what
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we're looking for in our church. And in my zeal
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to be heard instead of to hear, in my zeal to
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make sure they understood instead of to start
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with understanding, I made all the assumptions
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that, you know, this biased, prejudiced, racial,
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small town in the South that really, you know,
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and, you know, so how could they? And these kids,
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no one cares about them, but I care about them.
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Was there racism? Yes. Was there bias? Yes. Had
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I built any trust? No. Was I arrogant and zealous?
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Yes. Did I assume that all the problem was the
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color of the kids instead of the fact that we
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could hear them bouncing off the walls in the
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next room? Yes. And I'll never forget sitting
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in my driveway. He became a mentor and then to
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this day is a father figure. We've been close.
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We talk or text every week for the last 39 years.
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And he sat in the driveway with me and listened
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and he said, Chip, I know you haven't lived in
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this part of the country, and I want you to know
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that you're right. There certainly is bias and
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racism and prejudice. He said, but you know,
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sometimes you can win a battle and lose the war.
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So these people don't know you. They don't trust
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you. And if I can say it in the nicest way possible,
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how you went about trying to solve that problem.
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created as much or more problems than the one
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you wanted to solve. Young man, I am so for you.
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And there's such a bright future here. But you
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got to understand, there's a nuance and there's
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a way to introduce the right things at the right
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time when there's trust built. You don't know
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these people. And until you build some bridges
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with them, they're probably not going to hear.
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Some of the people, I mean, they were so angry
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when I brought those kids and talked to me about
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how the races don't mix in this part of the country.
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I remember a guy that was as hardened. He was
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an amazing cabinet maker. And I'll never forget
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watching Jerry with a little eight -year -old
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African -American boy, him teaching him and watching
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how God changed his heart. See, that older man
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knew. Emotional intelligence is the ability to
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relate to people in a way where you understand
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where they're coming from and how to do the right
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thing at the right time and the right way. Now,
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I'd like to say that because of that one lesson,
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I've just been very emotionally intelligent the
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rest of my life. I have many more stories of
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where I've blown it, but I'm just going to let
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you sit on maybe a couple of your own. Because
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what the Apostle Paul... is going to now say
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to Timothy is, okay, I said you got to step up,
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right? Okay, okay, Paul, I'm in. I'm in. Okay,
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but then you got to kneel down. You got to step
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down. You got to pray. Okay, long term, you got
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to develop character. Timothy, what you got to
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do is you got to, and it can't be about just
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preaching messages. You've got to develop leaders.
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The two things that every pastor needs to know
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that you can never delegate is the teaching of
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God's word. You're responsible for that and you
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have to develop leaders. Everything else, and
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then he says, by the way, you gotta set an example.
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You gotta live this out. You've gotta be godly.
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And then in chapter five, he's basically gonna
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say, you know, Timothy, you're young and there's
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a way to relate to people that's gonna allow
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this to be successful because like every church,
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I've gotten some reports. Some of the older people
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were a little concerned about you. It seems like
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there's been a couple accusations about some
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false teachers, but also some elders. And what
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I want to do is I want to help you learn how
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to relate in the right way to all the kind of
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different people. So if you'll open up to 1 Timothy
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chapter 5, let's continue Paul's coaching to
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Timothy, and then we'll talk about... The application
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to us. First, he's going to, first two verses,
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he's going to say, look, Timothy, in general,
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here's how to relate to everybody in the church.
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Do not sharply rebuke an older man. But rather
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appeal to him as a father. And to the younger
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men as brothers, to the older women as mothers,
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and to the younger women as sisters in all purity.
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Do you hear what he's saying? Timothy, there's
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people that are older. There's men that you're
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going to do life with. There's the older women,
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and they have needs, and this is how you respect
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them. Be very careful at your age, the younger
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women. Make sure you deal with them as sisters,
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not objects. And in all purity. And, you know,
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there's some older men that, hey, there's issues
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that you need to deal with. Don't harshly rebuke
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them. That's not how you build a relationship.
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That's not how you address difficult issues.
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The early church was very hands -on. The apostles
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were serving food and bread and got overwhelmed.
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And then they assigned a leadership team, later
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many would think are called deacons. So now in
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this church, it's not just that you have preaching
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and teaching and discipling. There's a lot of
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really practical issues about, well, how do you
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handle the money and where are all the needs?
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And so one of the big one was, what do we do
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with widows? I mean, we're getting overwhelmed.
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We don't have enough money. Who's a widow? Who's
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a legitimate widow? Here's what I want you to
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get. Think through what is this older man saying
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to this younger man about a number of delicate
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situations because there's principles embedded
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about how to deal with some tricky stuff. And
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so he, verse three, honor, notice the word, honor.
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widows, and then who are actually widows. But
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if any widow has children or grandchildren, they
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must first learn to show proper respect for their
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own family and to give back compensation to their
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parents, for this is acceptable in the sight
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of God. So honor widows that are really widows.
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Now notice that little phrase, who are actually
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widows. What's that require? Discernment. Evaluation.
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Make sure the responsibility goes to the right
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people. So now you've got a set of circumstances
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where I need to talk to someone's kids or grandkids
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and say, I know your father or grandfather died,
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but the way the church needs to work is you all
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need to take responsibility for that. That's
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not a church issue. And then it goes on. Now
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she who is actually a widow and has been left
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alone and set her hope on God. And she continues
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and requests and prayers night and day. But she
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who indulges herself in luxury is dead even while
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she still lives. So he says, you know, here's
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how to discern between, you know, the widows
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that are actually widows that need the church's
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help and those that are sort of playing us, if
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you will. Give these instructions as well so
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that, notice he keeps coming back to this phrase,
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so that they may be above reproach. In the early
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church, they were condemned from every side by
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the government. It was illegal to be a Christian
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by this time, by Judaism, by the number of mystery
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cults. And over and over through this, he's trying
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to help this young pastor say, let's live lives
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and let's do life in a way so we're above reproach,
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so the gospel's attractive. Give these instructions
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as well so they may be above reproach. But if
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anyone does not provide for his own, and especially
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for those of his household, he's denied, are
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you ready for it? The faith, and is worse than
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an unbeliever. So now he's setting down some
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guidelines. A widow is to be put on the list
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only if she is not less than 60 years old, having
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been the wife of one man, having a reputation
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for good works, if she's brought up children,
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if she's shown hospitality to strangers, if she
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has washed the saints' feet, if she's assisted
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those in distress, and if she's devoted herself
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to every good work. So apparently, as things
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were developing, it was, we just can't help everybody
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with any need. There are actual people, some
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think this might even be the birth of people
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who determined after their husband had died,
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I'm going to commit myself and be in full -time
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Christian work, if you will. I'm sure that some
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sort of teaching over the years, probably this
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is where nuns... And this idea that I'm going
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to be devoted to God because as you follow the
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text, notice what he says. But refuse to register
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younger widows for when they feel physical desires
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alienating them from Christ, they will want to
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get married. thereby incurring condemnation because
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they've ignored their previous pledge. I think
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we think of a widow as just someone who lost
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their husband. It seems like there's a category
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of these widows who say, you know what, in light
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of the ministry, I want to be fully devoted and
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I'm going to make some sort of vow along those
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lines. At the same time, they also learn to be
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idle, speaking of those that are young and don't
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put them on the list too soon. Again, think of
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the principles, discernment. wisdom, emotional
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intelligence, thinking for the future. And then
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he goes on to say, as they go around from house
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to house, not merely idle, but they also become
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gossips and busybodies, talking about things
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not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger
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women to get married, have children, manage their
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households, and give the enemy no opportunity
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for reproach. For some have already turned away
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to follow Satan. If you want to have some fun
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in 1 Timothy, read through it very fast. And
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every time it says drifted away, fallen away,
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turned away, go through it and underline that
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in some color. Then if you want to have a little
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bit more fun, read through it again very, very
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quickly. And anytime it has anything to do with
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godliness, values, character, underline that
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in another color. And what you'll see is the
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themes through this book are very, very clear.
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And over through all the book, what he's going
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to say is, Timothy, the big objective in life
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is this is the path. And what you want to do
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is lead a group of people in such a way where
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how we live and what we say and what we do makes
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the gospel attractive. Let's make sure we keep
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first things first. If any woman, verse 16, who
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is a believer has dependent widows, she must
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first assist them and the church must not be
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burdened so that it may assist those who are
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actually widows. And then when a person is an
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elder, when a person is given this entrustment
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and responsibility, notice what he says. The
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elders who lead well are to be considered worthy
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of double honor, especially those who work hard
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at preaching and teaching. For the scripture
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says you should not muzzle the ox while it's
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threshing and the labor is worthy of his wages.
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So make sure there's real respect to these people
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called to lead. And he kind of pulls out this
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proverb from, you know, about the ox and makes
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an application. And then he says, be careful.
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Do not accept an accusation against an elder
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except on the basis of two or three witnesses.
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You got to be really careful. that you really
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listen to complaints, but you also have to be
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equally careful that you don't assume just because
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someone registers a complaint or makes an accusation
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that it's true. And then I love the balance of
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Scripture. Then those who continue in sin, in
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other words, two or three witnesses said, this
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elder is sleeping with so -and -so, or this elder
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is pilfering the money. Or this elder is acting
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this way at church, but man, you should see him
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out in the marketplace. And so two or three witnesses
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are saying, no, this is true. Those who continue
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in sin, speaking of elders, rebuke in the presence
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of all so that the rest also will be fearful
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of sinning. Think of emotional intelligence.
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Timothy, be tender and sensitive with older men.
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Don't rebuke them. Timothy, with mothers, be
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tender and sensitive. Timothy, by the way, if
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people can take care of their own households
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and they're trying to mooch off the church, it's
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tough love. Right? If, hey, someone makes an
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accusation against someone, listen, two or three
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witnesses, be discerning, get the facts. And
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by the way, if it's really true, go public, share
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it, make sure, right? So he's giving him this.
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This balancing of how do you do relationships
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in such a way that again, twice we've heard about
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being above reproach. I solemnly exhort you,
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now Paul's gonna go into his tough love, in the
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presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of his
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chosen angels to maintain these principles, how?
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Without bias, doing nothing in a spirit of partiality.
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How would you like to be getting this letter?
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Anybody who's been in leadership, you realize,
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you know, you have people that are popular in
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the group, people that aren't popular, people
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that everyone kind of likes and, you know, respects
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and people that other people don't respect. You
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have people that are wealthier and people that
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aren't so wealthy. You have always sort of the
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kind of one or two people that kind of extra
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grace required. You have people that really power
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up and they have roles and responsibilities.
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And so as a leader, how do you execute what's
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the right thing to do at the right time, in the
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right way, in all those relationships? And then
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if you didn't get the message, I mean, could
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the bar get any higher? I solemnly exhort you.
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Where? In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus.
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And I mean, he pulls out all the stops and all
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the chosen angels. I mean, Tim's going, ooh.
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These principles that I've laid out about relationships,
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You do them without bias and you do them without
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partiality. You don't let, just because people
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have money or power or influence or gave to buy
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this or buy that or they intimidate people, it's
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not what leaders do, Timothy. Then he gives them
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some warnings. Do not lay hands upon anyone too
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quickly and thereby share responsibility for
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the sins of others. Keep yourself free from sin.
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You know, when you're overwhelmed in a job and
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you just, I mean, it's just hard to breathe and
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you can't do it all. If you've ever been in this
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situation as an employer or a supervisor, you
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need to hire someone. When you are desperate,
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it is the absolute worst time to hire someone
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because no matter what you tell yourself, you
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will settle. And you'll hire someone that is
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a quick fix. You get them in. And here's what
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I can tell you. The wrong person in a role, whether
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it's in a church, a ministry, or a company, the
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wrong person is way worse than no one at all.
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And so what he's saying is, don't try and bail
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yourself out by finding someone and sticking
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them in the spot. And then he's going to say
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why. I like verse 23. I'm not even sure why it's
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in here other than, you know what, I've been
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pretty hard on you. Let me just give you a little
20:04
personal encouragement, right? Timothy, don't
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go on drinking only water, but use a little wine
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for the sake of your stomach and your frequent
20:12
ailments. Then he goes back. The sins of some
20:16
people are quite evident going on before them
20:19
to judgment. For others, their sins follow after.
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Timothy, you got to be really careful who you
20:27
put in leadership. Because here's the deal. Some
20:32
people you put in leadership, they mess up and
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everyone knows they mess up. But some people
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go to their grave and we don't find out about
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the damage or what's happened until later, but
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it's devastating. And without mentioning any
20:48
names, I think you can all think of some of...
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some of the greatest Christian leaders in our
20:55
whole generation who in recent times, revelations
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about their sexual indiscretions that have rocked,
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in this particular case, not the United States,
21:10
globally. And what I can tell you is, for reasons
21:15
God only knows, I have... I've been in three
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church ministries in my life. I got to help plant
21:24
a church, so I guess four. In every one of those
21:28
three, I followed someone who fell morally. I
21:34
will tell you something. You can't fathom or
21:38
grasp how long the ripples, the people who, I
21:43
can't trust God, I can't believe in God anymore.
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I believed in that person. If he did that, a
21:51
weak man in a weak moment under the right circumstances,
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beginning with me and everyone in this room and
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anyone who ever watches this, you can fall. I
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mean, if David, I mean, I read the scriptures.
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Man, if David can fall, who can't? I mean, it's
22:06
like watching a nuclear emotional spiritual bomb
22:09
go off and then the radiation of it just goes
22:12
on for two, three, four, five years. And some
22:15
people never recover. And so he's really warning
22:19
him, hey, Timothy, just having the right doctrine
22:22
doesn't make you a great pastor. And you gotta
22:26
have people skills. Hey, just being right doesn't
22:29
make you a great leader. Just being right and
22:32
having the right intentions don't make you a
22:34
great leader. a great husband, a great father,
22:36
or a great dad. Being right with the right doctrine,
22:42
with the right intentions, with the emotional
22:44
intelligence to know how to relate to people
22:47
in a way that builds a bridge so they can hear
22:51
and understand and the truth be applied so it
22:55
comes as a help and a support instead of a hammer
22:59
that crushes. And I think the sin that can happen
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when we want to help or reprove other people
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is our anger and our sense of self -righteousness.
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And even out of deep concern, at times I've disciplined
23:12
some of my kids with an intensity as they were
23:15
growing up that I had to go back and apologize.
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Thank God for wives, right? Chip, what he did
23:21
was really wrong. Chip, I think what you said
23:26
was really right. Chip, I think you said it in
23:29
a way that you just crushed. one of our kids'
23:32
spirits. And of course, after immediate denial,
23:36
and she doesn't understand, the Holy Spirit that
23:43
sounded a lot like my wife's voice said, you
23:47
just crushed one of your kids' spirits. And you
23:51
need to get down on their level when they were
23:54
young. You need to sit across the bed when they
23:56
were teenagers. And with tears in your eyes,
23:59
you need to say, what you did was wrong. Lying
24:06
about it was worse. And candidly, the fear it
24:10
struck in my heart about what that could mean
24:14
for your life caused me to discipline you in
24:17
a way where you got way too much heat and not
24:20
enough light. And see, that's what Paul is trying
24:23
to help Timothy learn. And so the coaching nuggets
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here are maintain these principles without bias,
24:30
doing nothing in a spirit of partiality. I want
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you to start thinking about relationships. Start
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with your wife, if you're married, close friends,
24:40
if you have children, leadership in the church,
24:44
relationships in a small group, work relationships,
24:50
friendships. I want you to start thinking of
24:51
God. You need me to adjust. You need me to be
24:58
more emotionally intelligent and to do it without
25:01
bias. The response is, do not sharply rebuke
25:06
an older man. Appeal to him as a father, to younger
25:09
men as brothers, older women as mothers, and
25:12
the younger women as sisters in all purity. And
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what I can say to you is doing that without bias
25:20
has been a big journey for me. Powerful people
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intimidate us. Rich, rich people can intimidate
25:27
you. People that don't look like you, who don't
25:35
act like you, who don't believe like you, who
25:38
vote for a different party than you, who have
25:41
more tattoos than you, whose hair looks differently
25:44
than you, whose color of their skin is different
25:47
from you, who come from a different background
25:49
than you. All those things can cause us to unconsciously
25:54
have a lens or a bias because we've grown up
25:57
in a world that's different than their world
25:59
and it takes emotional intelligence guided by
26:03
the Spirit of God. And it goes back to, I don't
26:07
know if you know St. Francis' prayer. It's such
26:09
a great prayer. He asked God to grant me to be
26:14
an agent of your blessing to people. And then
26:18
one of the great lines is, He says, I ask that
26:21
I might seek to love rather than to be loved,
26:24
to understand rather than to be understood. And
26:30
empathy is the very first thing that we all need
26:34
in every problem relationship. It changes everything.
26:39
You might jot this in your notes. This has been
26:41
so helpful. Everyone behaves in a way that makes
26:44
sense to them. And if you can realize that, then
26:49
you don't demonize them and they're terrible
26:52
and they're wrong and they've done this. Now,
26:54
I may totally disagree. They may be wrong, but
26:57
it makes sense to them. From the information
27:00
they have and the way they were brought up and
27:02
their belief system and their worldview, doing
27:05
X, Y, or Z really makes sense to them. If you
27:08
can back that up and try to figure out why it
27:11
makes sense to them and build a bridge of relationship,
27:14
then there's hope. But casting grenades at one
27:17
another is not faring too well. Here's what the
27:22
coaching I think the Lord gives us through the
27:24
Apostle Paul. Here's the underlying issue. Circle
27:28
it, if you will, wisdom. The concept of wisdom,
27:33
it's a Hebrew concept. And wisdom isn't intellect.
27:37
Wisdom is skill. In fact, in the Old Testament,
27:41
when the word is used of building the temple,
27:43
it uses this word for wisdom for the guy that
27:45
has the ability to do artwork and building. Proverbs
27:50
uses wisdom to say it's knowing the right thing
27:52
to do in the right way for the right reason.
27:55
Wisdom with knowledge and understanding and how
27:57
to apply that. What Paul's trying to say is this
28:01
is the wisdom you need in relationships. The
28:05
underlying question for me And for you, is am
28:10
I willing to address the relational challenges
28:12
in my home, work, and church? I'm just going
28:17
to go on record. The average man is not willing
28:20
to address the relational challenges in your
28:23
home. You just figure out how to deal with it.
28:27
Your silo, her silo. The kids will be like that.
28:30
I guess things will some other time. I don't
28:33
know any man that over some time doesn't have
28:35
conflict in communication, conflict in your sex
28:38
life, conflict with in -laws, conflict with money,
28:41
and I've struggled with all of them. And I can
28:44
tell you that at different seasons in my life,
28:47
I didn't want to face them, so I buried them.
28:51
And so what you learn to do is when there's...
28:54
something that needs to be addressed, it's easier
28:56
to turn on ESPN, it's easier to drink a couple
29:00
beers, it's easier to go in the garage and get
29:02
a workout, anything, but talk about the issue
29:05
that really, honey, you know what? I went away
29:12
to this retreat and God spoke to me about our
29:14
relationship and I've sensed over time, I'd like
29:19
to talk about that. Or maybe it's a son that's
29:23
grown. Maybe it's someone you haven't forgiven.
29:27
Maybe it's a boss that did you in. Maybe it's
29:30
someone in your small group that, I've had pastors
29:33
tell me, I'm watching people with 20 years of
29:36
deep relationship in our church split. And I
29:40
may not talk to each other. I have families in
29:43
our churches that younger generation and older
29:46
generation are not communicating over all these
29:50
secondary issues. What you need is wisdom, and
29:54
God will show you. The action required is, I
29:58
call it stepping into. Of all the things that's
30:02
hard, I think, for us as men, it's stepping into
30:06
relational messy stuff. If you're older, you've
30:11
got to ask yourself, why would my younger son
30:14
who loves Jesus be so adamantly opposed to my
30:18
political view of things? Ask him. And seek to
30:22
understand and really listen. Why would my father
30:27
who loves God and cares about God, how in the
30:30
world could he vote for so and so or support
30:32
this when all these other issues are combined
30:34
with it? Ask him. I would encourage you to memorize
30:39
verse one and two until it's both in your heart
30:44
and in your hands of practicing. This is how
30:48
I'm going to deal with older men. This is how
30:50
I'm going to deal with younger men. I'm not going
30:53
to be superior and I'm not going to feel inferior.
30:56
This is how I'm going to view my brothers. This
30:59
is how I'm going to treat, I'm going to think
31:00
of the various women in my life that are younger
31:04
as sisters in Christ. If you're going to step
31:08
into a delicate relational issue, you need to
31:11
get outside help. Might be an older man, could
31:14
be a pastor, might be a counselor. Just someone
31:18
that, you know, you know them and whoever it
31:21
is knows them. And then I would say you have
31:24
to develop a plan and then a time to act. If
31:28
you walk out of here going, you know, I got to
31:30
address this with one of my kids. I need to address
31:33
this with the guy that used to work with. I need
31:35
to address this with that pastor or one of the
31:37
leaders of that church that we left over X, Y,
31:40
or Z. Dude, write it down and say, by this date,
31:45
I will address that. Good intentions accomplish
31:50
nothing. And then when the emotion comes up like,
31:55
oh, man, I don't know how to do that, then just
31:57
admit that. God, I don't know how to do that.
32:00
Or are you ready for this one? At least I'm going
32:02
to just share. God, I'm afraid to do that. And
32:06
I'm afraid to do that. I mean, what if this,
32:09
I mean, it's not good now, but it could be a
32:12
lot worse, right? If you are willing, get someone
32:16
who will help you develop the plan and show you
32:20
how to do it. There's a book, I don't know the
32:23
author, my son had me read it. It's called Critical
32:26
Conversations. It's very short, but it really
32:30
talks about how do you not put off having that
32:34
conversation. that are the most critical, and
32:37
how to do it in a positive way. Everything from
32:40
what to do, how to do it, when to do it, in what
32:42
environment, and how to set it up. Superbook.
32:45
The unspoken need is to develop personal courage.
32:52
You know, you need to be emotionally intelligent,
32:54
but my experience is most of us are fairly smart
32:58
enough to know what we really need to do. My
33:01
observation is we don't have the courage to do
33:04
it. I can remember early on the courage to go
33:08
to marriage counseling because our marriage was
33:09
in real trouble. Just recently, I had a situation
33:15
with someone that's really, really close to me,
33:18
and I didn't know how to handle it, and I took,
33:21
you know, I'm a pastor, and gosh, my background
33:23
is in theology and psychology. I got a few tools
33:26
in my bag, and I got stuck. I called a guy from
33:30
Southern California. I said, John, I'm really
33:33
stuck. Could you? Could you tell me if someone
33:36
in my area, he's got to be really good and really
33:39
biblical because I don't want a bunch of, you
33:40
know, psychobabble. But I'm stuck and I don't
33:43
know what to do. He said, yeah, I got to grind.
33:45
Man, man, I drove up to Milpitas area and sat
33:49
down with him for an hour and had a couple, three
33:51
sessions on Zoom. I got news for you. If I had
33:55
a compound fracture, I wouldn't go, oh, I got
33:57
this. I got this, you know. Real man can handle
34:02
compound fracture. If I don't know how to handle
34:04
something in a relationship, I'm going to go
34:07
to a good doctor and ask for help. Can I encourage
34:10
you? Do whatever it takes. Here's how. First,
34:14
know the truth. Joshua 1 .9, some of you know,
34:18
right? Have I not commanded you? Be strong and
34:21
courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed. For
34:24
the Lord your God is with you, right? Wherever
34:28
you go. You don't have to be afraid. Proverbs
34:32
17, 17, a friend loves at all times and a brother
34:36
is born for adversity. I've got to know the truth.
34:39
God's got someone to help me with this. Living
34:42
the truth is Matthew 7, and it's a classic passage
34:45
of do not judge lest you be judged. And I want
34:48
to make one point. Be careful that when you are
34:53
addressing a relational challenge, that you don't
34:58
sit in the position of, I've got the truth, and
35:01
I just need to get this person to see the truth.
35:04
That's a non -starter. What you have is a perspective
35:09
of the truth that is your lens, that is developed
35:12
over time. In fact, this was such an area of
35:15
arrogance in my life that got pointed out so
35:18
painfully in some of my leadership years where
35:21
I had to admit where it was a failure of leadership.
35:25
I unconsciously thought that my perspective was
35:28
the perspective. And so I started, I wrote out
35:31
on a card when I have to talk to someone about
35:33
something that I think might be hard, I literally
35:36
have memorized. Here's my first line. I sense
35:40
we need to talk about something. And what I would
35:43
like to share with you is this. I have a perspective.
35:46
I'm not telling you it's the truth. I'm not telling
35:49
you it's reality. I'm telling you it's my current
35:53
perspective of the situation that I think we
35:55
need to get on the table and talk about. So I
35:58
need to hear because this event happened or this
36:01
conversation happened and from my lens, this
36:05
is the way it looks. Help me understand if that's
36:09
accurate or inaccurate. And what that does is
36:11
that gives the person a chance to say, no, you
36:14
don't understand. And we can disagree. But the
36:18
moment, if you're going to talk to someone, you're
36:20
right, they're wrong, and they need to get with
36:23
the program, you might be right. But that attitude
36:30
will kill any opportunity for building a bridge.
36:34
And then you have to do it gently, Galatians
36:36
6, 1 and 2. Brethren, even if someone is caught
36:40
in any trespass, you who are spiritual, the idea
36:44
is mature. Restore such a one in a spirit of
36:48
gentleness, each one looking to yourself so that
36:51
you will not be tempted. Bear one another's burdens
36:54
and therefore fulfill the law of Christ. We so
36:57
need each other. And then finally, just hands
37:00
-on, Proverbs 27, 17, in terms of sharing the
37:04
truth, iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens
37:09
another. In other words, when I've gotten around,
37:12
I have some people in my life that are really
37:15
good at speaking the truth in love. And especially
37:17
early on, I want people to like me so much. I
37:20
was pretty good at speaking about the love, but
37:22
not so much about the truth. And then as I matured
37:25
a little bit, I got pretty good at speaking the
37:27
truth, but not very much in love. And so what
37:30
I found is getting around people that are good
37:34
at that. has helped me get better at it and get
37:37
more comfortable. And here's what I can tell
37:39
you. What you really fear is going to happen
37:42
that keeps you from doing it rarely happens.
37:44
On occasion it does, but it's the fear of the
37:48
blow up that will keep you genuine. We talked
37:50
about godliness, genuine maturity. Here's the
37:54
mark of it. Ephesians chapter four, 11 to 13
37:58
says, God gave gifted leaders to the church to
38:00
equip the saints to do the work of ministry.
38:02
Until we all become mature in Christ. And then
38:06
he says, here's the litmus test of whether you're
38:08
mature in Christ. One is doctrinal and the other
38:10
is relational. As a result, we're no longer to
38:13
be children tossed here and there by every wind
38:16
of doctrine, by craftiness and deceitful scheming.
38:19
In other words, so if you're mature, you know
38:21
the truth versus the lie. But speaking the truth
38:25
in love, we're to grow up into all aspects into
38:29
him who is the head. And then it talks about
38:33
the real goal. By that which every joint supplies
38:36
according to the proper working of each individual
38:38
part that causes the growth of the body for the
38:41
building up of itself in love. Redemption, restoration,
38:45
reconciliation. That's what Jesus offers us in
38:49
our relationships. You're listening to Living
38:53
on the Edge and a message titled Step Into. It's
38:57
part of our current series called You Can Make
38:59
Disciples, Personal Coaching from the Apostle
39:01
Paul. And you can always revisit or share these
39:04
messages online by going to livingontheedge .org.
39:09
We'll hear some final comments from Chip in just
39:11
a minute. Don't want to miss a lesson throughout
39:14
the week? Subscribe to the Living on the Edge
39:16
podcast. And the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast has
39:20
every message in full. Search for it wherever
39:22
you listen. As we heard today, relational courage
39:25
doesn't come naturally to most of us. But Chip's
39:29
book, Yes, You Really Can Change, speaks directly
39:32
to where that courage comes from. One of the
39:35
key things Chip addresses is the difference between
39:37
living for God's approval and living from it,
39:40
and how that one shift changes everything about
39:43
how you show up in your relationships and your
39:46
life. And because this series is about making
39:49
disciples, we're including an extra copy with
39:52
every purchase. Think of a friend, a family member,
39:55
someone ready to take a next step in faith, but
39:58
not sure how. This can be your gift to them to
40:01
share the journey. Just look for the book, Yes,
40:04
You Really Can Change, online at livingontheedge
40:08
.org slash offers. We're a listener -supported
40:12
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To join us today and help keep these Bible teachings
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going, give a gift of any amount online at livingontheedge
40:22
.org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. You can also
40:28
mail your gift to Living on the Edge, P .O. Box
40:31
3007, Atlanta, Georgia 30024. Well, now here's
40:37
Chip with some final thoughts. As we close today's
40:40
message, I want to actually read. two key verses
40:44
from 1 Timothy 5 that are at the heart of everything
40:47
that we shared. Do not sharply rebuke an older
40:51
man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to
40:54
the younger men as brothers, to the older women
40:56
as mothers, and to the younger women as sisters
40:59
in all purity. And then it goes on as we learn
41:02
to talk about widows and others. But I just want
41:05
to ask you, how are you speaking to different
41:09
people? Is it with kindness? Is it with sensitivity?
41:13
In the message, I challenge you to step into
41:16
these relationships and to memorize that passage.
41:19
Are you ready? Memorize that passage. I mean,
41:21
just get that in your mind where you're thinking,
41:24
you know, older people and men and women and
41:27
peers and younger women and other young guys,
41:30
and just to really think there's a way to talk
41:33
about even controversial things that doesn't
41:36
put down the person, that respects them as a
41:39
person. that shares your thoughts with dignity
41:42
and understanding, not with harshness. Second,
41:46
when you have a tough situation that's coming
41:49
up, get some good outside counsel. And then finally,
41:53
develop a very specific timeline to act. Here's
41:58
what I want you to do. As you heard this message,
42:00
two questions. Who do you need to talk to? Second
42:06
question, is there anyone you need to apologize
42:09
to? It's not about being right. It's about, do
42:12
you have the right attitude? And in the body
42:15
of Christ, right relationships matter more than
42:20
you being right. Oh God, would you bring healing
42:23
about in your body? Would you help us to recognize
42:28
where, even if we believe with all of our heart,
42:31
what we believe or what we've said is right,
42:33
would you please forgive us for the way we've
42:36
said it or the people that we've attacked? And
42:39
would you give us the courage and the humility
42:41
to go to them today and ask them to forgive us
42:45
for the way we said it? Amen. Well, that brings
42:49
us to the end of today's program. I'm Dave Drewy,
42:52
and we'll see you next time when Chip Ingram
42:54
continues our study called You Were Made For
42:56
More, here on Living on the Edge. Today's program
43:03
is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.