Latest / It's Mom O'Clock / EPISODE 18: “Back-to-School Chaos: Moms Cry, Dads Draft”

Transcript

EPISODE 18: “Back-to-School Chaos: Moms Cry, Dads Draft” · It's Mom O'Clock

• 0:01
  Speaker A: Hello.
• 0:02
  Speaker B: You guys, stop. Is it mom o' clock yet? I'm going crazy.
• 0:07
  Speaker A: Heck yeah. It's mom o' clock somewhere. Welcome.
• 0:32
  Speaker B: What would I do without you?
• 0:33
  Speaker A: Nothing much. I'm gonna shoot my brains out.
• 0:36
  Speaker B: Episode 18 oh, we just had a malfunction.
• 0:39
  Speaker A: We need our husband.
• 0:40
  Speaker B: So we're here.
• 0:41
  Speaker A: We're fine. Everything's fine.
• 0:42
  Speaker B: We don't have husbands.
• 0:43
  Speaker A: We don't. We literally don't. They're golfing 24. 7.
• 0:47
  Speaker B: 24. No, they're 7. They're in a tournament. This is like a 10 day tour.
• 0:51
  Speaker A: I can't. Anyway.
• 0:54
  Speaker B: You ready? I'm ready.
• 0:55
  Speaker A: Episode 18.
• 0:57
  Speaker B: Your two favorite girlies here, Dominique and Emily. It's mom o'. Clock.
• 1:01
  Speaker A: Let's go, baby. We took a week off Labor Day weekend. I hope everyone had a good one. We're back. We're ready. I missed you.
• 1:08
  Speaker B: We're ready for September, the fall. Just everyone getting back.
• 1:12
  Speaker A: Summer is over. Okay. For all the girlies who are upset, don't be. The leaves are falling. The breeze is blowing. Wind in your hair. Your kids are running around laughing. It's the time.
• 1:23
  Speaker B: Unpack your bog bags, people.
• 1:25
  Speaker A: Your bog bags. And that's all I have to say. But anyway. Can't believe we're here. Episode 18. Thank you to all our followers and our listeners. We love you so much. Keep subscribing, keep listening. We have fun stuff coming into play.
• 1:35
  Speaker B: Everything she said.
• 1:36
  Speaker A: Yeah, okay. Well, anyway, we have some fun news. Yeah, let's get into it. We have a little we.
• 1:43
  Speaker B: How do we introduce her Chart, you guys, real talk. Have you ever gone to buckle your kid into the car seat and found like three granola bars melted into the creases, a half suck lollipop pop stuck to the cup holder, and something that you think was once like a chicken nugget?
• 1:58
  Speaker A: I once found an entire pouch of applesauce exploded under Gio's car seat. Like how he's won.
• 2:06
  Speaker B: Exactly. That's why we are so excited about Mess happens. They literally come pick up your kids car seat, stroller or whatever baby gear you're scared to touch and return it to you professionally cleaned, sanitized, and smelling like it never met a juice box explosion.
• 2:23
  Speaker A: It's basically a spa day for your stroller. And let me tell you, if you've ever tried to take a car seat cover off and put it back on, you know it's easier to solve a Rubik's cube blindfolded.
• 2:37
  Speaker B: So true. Moms. This is a hack you didn't know you needed. No More Googling. Can I put a car seat cover in the washing machine without voiding the warranty? Spoiler alert. You cannot.
• 2:48
  Speaker A: So let Mess Happens deal with the mess so you can deal with, well, the 4,000 other messes happening at home.
• 2:56
  Speaker B: And bonus, Mess happens picks up and drops off, so you don't even have to change out of your mom sweats. Plus, they're giving a mom O' Clock listeners 20% off if you use our code. Use code momoclock. That's M O, M O, apostrophe, C L O C K at checkout.
• 3:14
  Speaker A: Find them on Instagram at Mess happens and book your clean today.
• 3:18
  Speaker B: That's mess dot happens. There's a period in between.
• 3:22
  Speaker A: Perfect. Okay, well, speaking about mess, are you a mess? Your kids are going back to school.
• 3:29
  Speaker B: So I'm like, divided because I am so fucking happy. Are you?
• 3:33
  Speaker A: Wait, let's backtrack, though. So this is your. Tell me the lineup. Kids go in kindergarten.
• 3:39
  Speaker B: My oldest, he's five years old. He's going into kindergarten. This is the first time he's going to five days a week to school. Monday through Friday, nine to five.
• 3:47
  Speaker A: That's crazy.
• 3:49
  Speaker B: I'm like, it's crazy because the kindergarten babies are the COVID babies.
• 3:53
  Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
• 3:54
  Speaker B: This is the year. So, like, how the hell was Covid five years ago?
• 3:58
  Speaker A: That's crazy. Okay, this is the year, like, all the COVID babies are going to, like, the big.
• 4:02
  Speaker B: The big kindergarten. Yeah. So it's a big deal. I'm obviously, like, crying at drop off, but I'm also like, fuck.
• 4:09
  Speaker A: See ya. We want to be ya. Wait, so what's Vee doing?
• 4:12
  Speaker B: And Vienna is going three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday to Joey, same school.
• 4:17
  Speaker A: Well, they see each other.
• 4:18
  Speaker B: That's like pre K3. Yeah, they'll see each other. They'll, like, hug in the hallway. It'll be so cute. And Rocco's home with me, and I couldn't be happier.
• 4:26
  Speaker A: That's crazy.
• 4:27
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 4:27
  Speaker A: So you have one kid.
• 4:28
  Speaker B: One kid. What are we gonna do?
• 4:30
  Speaker A: What are you gonna do? Like, honestly, I feel like it's like a whole bunch of emotions. Like, a lot of moms are scared. A lot of moms are happy. A lot of moms are sad.
• 4:37
  Speaker B: Like, it's like, yeah, it's everything. My. My one mom friend, she has three and she sent them all off. And for the first time ever, she, like, got back home, was like, what do you do? There's no kids.
• 4:48
  Speaker A: What do you do all day? But, like, we, like, backtrack, though. Like, how did you prepare for back to school? I remember those were the glory days. The shoes, the backpacks, all the things. Like the pencils my mom used to buy. Like, I was looking forward to that every year. So what did you guys do to prepare?
• 5:03
  Speaker B: I mean, I. We. I did all the things, but.
• 5:05
  Speaker A: Fucking Footlocker. We know that.
• 5:07
  Speaker B: Kids, Foot Locker, Kohl's, Target. I went to the mall.
• 5:11
  Speaker A: All in one day. It was like, separate.
• 5:12
  Speaker B: No, it was all, like, separate things. Yeah, yeah.
• 5:15
  Speaker A: But, like, do you have a list? Like, how do you forget? Like, I mean, do they give you a list? Like, hey, you need pencils, glue sticks, this, that.
• 5:20
  Speaker B: Yeah, the tea. Like, kindergarten is a real deal. You need the folders, you need the pencils, everything. Yeah, you get to get all that.
• 5:28
  Speaker A: I wish I could record you doing all that. Did you go by yourself or with the kids?
• 5:33
  Speaker B: No.
• 5:33
  Speaker A: Were you, like, in the folder department? Like, I need folders.
• 5:35
  Speaker B: I went to Staples by myself because it was. I needed. Well, I brought Rocco, but it was basically by myself. He was in the stroller and I was just, like, walking around. Staples. You know the smell. Like, do you remember that?
• 5:44
  Speaker A: Back to school.
• 5:46
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 5:46
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 5:46
  Speaker B: It's like I walked in there and I was like, oh, shit, I'm starting first grade.
• 5:49
  Speaker A: Like, no, I'm freaking out. I remember that.
• 5:52
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 5:53
  Speaker A: Wait, I can't picture you, like, in stables, like, getting folded.
• 5:55
  Speaker B: You can't picture me doing anything?
• 5:56
  Speaker A: No, not one thing. I can't. I have to record you because I cannot picture it. Wait. That's so fun. You're such a good mom.
• 6:01
  Speaker B: Thanks. Thanks.
• 6:02
  Speaker A: Wait, but speaking of, though, like, this just reminded me. Did you see the new Gap commercial?
• 6:06
  Speaker B: No.
• 6:07
  Speaker A: You haven't seen Mother Boys to the Yard? You haven't seen it?
• 6:12
  Speaker B: No, but see that again.
• 6:13
  Speaker A: No, it's insane.
• 6:15
  Speaker B: Is it a back to school Gap or just.
• 6:17
  Speaker A: It's just like a Gap commercial. But did you see the American Eagle controversy thing with Sydney Sweeney?
• 6:22
  Speaker B: No. You know, I know nothing.
• 6:23
  Speaker A: Do you even live a life under a rock? A city Sweeney. You know, she was known. She was like. She did a American Eagle commercial, and it was like, portraying, like, white girl. It was like, I have good jeans.
• 6:36
  Speaker B: Like, jeans.
• 6:37
  Speaker A: Because she's, like, hot and sexy, but, like, she was wearing jeans. Yeah, like, this whole big thing. It was just a negative thing. Like, people didn't like it. Then Gap comes out.
• 6:45
  Speaker B: I love Gap.
• 6:46
  Speaker A: Gap brings in Cat's Eye. It's like a girl group of all different. Not even girl group, just a group of dancers that are all different ethnicities. Okay. And they, they didn't just hire and dictate what Cat's Eye was gonna do during the commercial. They hired them and they did what they wanted to do and they fucking slate. You have to watch it. But not only that, like, it just portrays Gap and like, I want to go buy more Gap jeans. Although I own every pair of Gap jeans. I' going to buy more. I don't know why they didn't hire me because I could absolutely be in that commercial.
• 7:21
  Speaker B: Yeah. Could I have to watch it now? Is it, is it on like TV all the time?
• 7:27
  Speaker A: If you don't know this commercial, you're like living under a rock. But anyway, they slayed. And speaking of back to school, I just feel like it was perfect timing on all ends. A good marketing.
• 7:37
  Speaker B: Gap has great back to school clothes.
• 7:39
  Speaker A: Yes, exactly. So now I feel like perfect timing. No one talks about it's back to school. So like all the kids are wanting. Parents are going to go to Gap and buy all the fucking clothes because just top of mind because of this fucking commercial.
• 7:49
  Speaker B: I have a lot to say about back to school. Parents are doing so much.
• 7:52
  Speaker A: But wait. Yeah, I mean, I mind you, I have an 18 month old, so I'm doing none of this.
• 7:58
  Speaker B: But do you kind of feel like you're like, am I like doing something wrong? No, I'm like, my life is not changing at all. I'm just like gonna be here tomorrow and the next day.
• 8:07
  Speaker A: Everybody around.
• 8:08
  Speaker B: Because you're a song.
• 8:09
  Speaker A: I'm a song.
• 8:11
  Speaker B: Some. Yo the toast. If you haven't watched that episode.
• 8:16
  Speaker A: No, you have to. Those are my girls and I hope to one day meet them. Some, some we are, if you don't know, we're some hardy job of the world people look at the up. You don't even know. They're so funny. So wait, everyone around me is running in circles and I'm sitting here like, why is everyone freaking out?
• 8:39
  Speaker B: And I felt like that last year.
• 8:41
  Speaker A: Everyone'S going back to school and I'm just like sitting here as a son, watching my son grow up in front of me. But then me, Michael were at breakfast the other day and he's like, we just start talking about like schools. And I go, I stabbed my school. So what are you talking about? But it's true. Like we discuss like, is Gio going to go to school when he's two? Where is he going to go? Where are we going to fudgeing live. So I mean, what are we going.
• 9:01
  Speaker B: To do with our lives? Discuss so many decisions. We were just talking to our social media manager. Her son is 2. She has a nanny, right. And she was like, all of her friends are sending her the 2 year olds to twos. It's like a pre K2 and it's like, how do you decide whether to keep your baby home with the nanny or home with you or send them to twos? It's a hard decision.
• 9:21
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 9:21
  Speaker B: So I'm like, I waited till my babies were three just cuz I like them home with me.
• 9:25
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 9:25
  Speaker B: But I mean, I don't know.
• 9:27
  Speaker A: I don't know how I'm gonna feel. But watching you, it's like you're going to buy folders at Staples and I'm sitting here making egg sandwiches for my kid with bacon and cheese on it and mini pancakes. So I'm just like, am I supposed to be going to Target and Staples and buying pencils?
• 9:44
  Speaker B: You're doing exactly what you're doing.
• 9:45
  Speaker A: I'm just so conf.
• 9:47
  Speaker B: Nothing. Nothing. Enjoy it.
• 9:48
  Speaker A: I do nothing.
• 9:49
  Speaker B: Enjoy it.
• 9:51
  Speaker A: No, but like, tell me more. Like, I want to go to fucking footlogor buy sneakers. Know what Gio is doing? Starting soccer in a couple of weeks. Yeah.
• 9:58
  Speaker B: Which actually, I'm mad about you. I'm mad.
• 10:00
  Speaker A: You're mad at me. Yeah.
• 10:01
  Speaker B: Because Rocco could do it with him and then Joey and Mike could take them.
• 10:04
  Speaker A: I forgot about him.
• 10:05
  Speaker B: I forgot about Rocco. Rocco's here sitting alone with me as a sum.
• 10:11
  Speaker A: He's got nothing to do. Wait, why wouldn't you say that?
• 10:14
  Speaker B: Well, I. I didn't even know you signed him up.
• 10:16
  Speaker A: I didn't know I signed him up. Michael did. And he went to Dick's to get cleats.
• 10:20
  Speaker B: I told Joey, I go, you know, they signed Gio for soccer and you're not doing jackedly squat with Rocco and he's like, oh, I'll take them. I'm like, we'll probably sign up.
• 10:28
  Speaker A: No, we could sign them up still.
• 10:30
  Speaker B: I'll sign them up.
• 10:31
  Speaker A: I forget that they're like the same age.
• 10:32
  Speaker B: Yeah, you forget.
• 10:33
  Speaker A: I forget about Rocco. Her third. But anyway, so back to school. Are you like got the back to school school jitters or.
• 10:39
  Speaker B: No, I got the jitters. I'm also like, like, so I forgot to do camps this summer. So I was the camp. So camp fun is over.
• 10:48
  Speaker A: Thank God.
• 10:48
  Speaker B: I am shipping my kids to boarding school.
• 10:51
  Speaker A: No, literally, you're going to private school.
• 10:53
  Speaker B: They can go. Yeah, yeah.
• 10:54
  Speaker A: I'm happy for you.
• 10:55
  Speaker B: Yeah, but titty is about to spit real quick.
• 10:58
  Speaker A: Oh, you're spitting.
• 10:59
  Speaker B: Oh I'm spitting. It's been a minute Spit girl spit. Hey yo titty you bout to spit mama clock doing a back to school bit drop off line looking like a mom parade yoga pants nation Starbucks paid bento box is packed it's Michelin star but my kids eatin goldfish in the back of the car Instagram mom's got organic kale meanwhile my lunchables never fail Dad's in the group chat fantasy pics I'm scrolling Amazon for fucking glue sticks he's stressing touchdowns draft day lineup I'm stressing labels and PTA sign up backpacks heavy like a Costco haul Target took my mortgage my soul my all first day breakfast with a gourmet spread I'm like here's some cereal now get out of bed Back to school moms don't play spent $300 at Target yesterday Back to school chaos every day praying I don't have to talk to Karen today School supply list long as CVS receipts, crayons, tissues 20 packs of sheets Pinterest moms flexing waffle shapes like a star I'm like here's an uncrustable and a Z bar car line crawl got me losing my mind kid forgot lunch Guess goldfish are fine Back to school moms don't play car line session like TSA Back to school chaos every day I'm running on coffee and a bagel all day first day pics mom line the lawn matching signs out summer's gone kids out the door I wave like a queen Finally a couple hours or my house is clean kids are gone I'm still in shock Time to have some peace it's mom o' clock.
• 12:26
  Speaker A: So good. Wait, I don't understand. How do you write these fucking things? Honestly, that's quick time.
• 12:31
  Speaker B: I literally do it on the toilet.
• 12:33
  Speaker A: No, it's so good. Really good. Really, really good. Honestly just lays out back to school, back to school. I mean the list goes on and on. Like I need. I know who you are at drop off and pick up line but like what are the. What do you. What am I. What am I going to be?
• 12:47
  Speaker B: You are going to be the mom.
• 12:49
  Speaker A: Okay, so tell me.
• 12:50
  Speaker B: So. So I actually have something to say about this. So like, you know when you say, oh God, here, here comes the Karen. Yeah.
• 12:55
  Speaker A: Yeah, I'm not Karen.
• 12:56
  Speaker B: No, you're not the fudgeing Cameron. No one wants to talk to the Karen. But like I want to normalize. Like oh here comes like an Emily or here Comes like a Dom. Like, like, like why can't we do be like make our name like a thing? No, like I feel bad for the Karen's. Like, I'm sorry if your name is Karen or I'm sorry if you've ever been called a Karen. I don't know. But like if you want to be an Emily or a dom, let us know.
• 13:17
  Speaker A: Let me tell you what I. What I picture you.
• 13:19
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 13:20
  Speaker A: You are.
• 13:22
  Speaker B: What am I wearing? Do you think you're wearing a black zip up. Okay.
• 13:26
  Speaker A: And the black pants that flare on the bottom and you're. And it's dead of winter and you're wearing your fucking sandal things. What are they called?
• 13:35
  Speaker B: My, my like flip flops. Like rocks?
• 13:38
  Speaker A: No, the ones with the straps, the jellies.
• 13:41
  Speaker B: Oh, the things that I'm wearing. Right, the slides. I don't know.
• 13:44
  Speaker A: Okay, well, you're wearing those. No socks. And your hair is in a messy bun like to the side.
• 13:49
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 13:50
  Speaker A: Okay. I tell.
• 13:51
  Speaker B: It's pretty accurate. You, you. Hey, you are wearing. You're wearing jeans.
• 13:58
  Speaker A: I'm wearing jeans.
• 14:01
  Speaker B: I hate you.
• 14:02
  Speaker A: I'm in jeans. Okay, go ahead.
• 14:04
  Speaker B: Probably you're wearing jeans and like a little like tank with like a cool like oversized like button up shirt.
• 14:13
  Speaker A: Oversized button up shirt is crazy. But go ahead.
• 14:16
  Speaker B: And your hair is like down and done.
• 14:19
  Speaker A: You think it's done?
• 14:20
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:21
  Speaker A: You don't think a claw clip or.
• 14:23
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
• 14:25
  Speaker A: What's in my hand? You have nothing in your hand because you forgot the coffee, the water cat.
• 14:30
  Speaker B: You have your perfect. You have your mama cockpuck with water in it.
• 14:34
  Speaker A: And the coffee with the coffee cup.
• 14:36
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 14:37
  Speaker A: Matcha.
• 14:37
  Speaker B: You're like ready to go.
• 14:38
  Speaker A: Yeah, I'm ready to go.
• 14:39
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:39
  Speaker A: Oh, I love.
• 14:40
  Speaker B: I forgot everything.
• 14:41
  Speaker A: You might have sunglasses on though.
• 14:42
  Speaker B: Oh, yes.
• 14:43
  Speaker A: Yeah. You might have sunglasses.
• 14:44
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:44
  Speaker A: Wait, that's so funny because I feel like I. Not that like I try hard.
• 14:48
  Speaker B: It's just like you just do it.
• 14:50
  Speaker A: Yeah, I feel good doing it.
• 14:51
  Speaker B: Well, I summed it up that there are five archetypes.
• 14:56
  Speaker A: Five.
• 14:56
  Speaker B: Okay. There's the pajama Princess where you're like, you're in your Target pj.
• 15:00
  Speaker A: Try to do that. People are like, I'm wearing pajamas to drop off. I don't think people run out of the house out of bed. Like, that's crazy.
• 15:07
  Speaker B: Not. No, but I could see, I mean, I think it depends on.
• 15:11
  Speaker A: There's no way you run out of bed to pick up.
• 15:13
  Speaker B: Not me, because my kids are up at 5am but like I could See, parents that like are rushing because their kids don't wake up till 7:35, 8:00 clock and you have to be there by 8:15, get up and get dressed. Well, I could see it, but like Target PJs, giant sunglasses on coffee in hand. Like I could fuck with that.
• 15:30
  Speaker A: Also a vibe. Go ahead.
• 15:31
  Speaker B: Yeah. Then the gym. But not. But not really a gym mom. Like you're wearing your Lululemon set but you're not really working out. No, that's not really you.
• 15:40
  Speaker A: Corporate chic is hilarious. Like the moms have to go to work after. That's a real thing. I don't like that.
• 15:46
  Speaker B: No, but that's like they have to do that. I don't like that either. I have a. I have a mom friend who is like blazer. That would be me. Blazer on with like the little kitten heels.
• 15:55
  Speaker A: That would be me.
• 15:56
  Speaker B: Yeah, that mom that I see in the parking lot.
• 15:58
  Speaker A: I. I feel bad for you. The. I tried mom. The jeans, the sweater, the mascara. That's hilarious. That's kind of low key. Me.
• 16:06
  Speaker B: Yeah, I mean I. Me too. I could, I could fit into most of these, but. Except the corporate cheek. And then the dad fill in cracks me up because it's like the cargo shorts, the Crocs, the hoodie from 2009 and he looks confused.
• 16:19
  Speaker A: That's hilarious. No, my husband would be like a golf shirt and like I can't. I am speaking of.
• 16:25
  Speaker B: Well, no, we're talking about.
• 16:27
  Speaker A: We're not talking about our house.
• 16:28
  Speaker B: No.
• 16:29
  Speaker A: Okay, so wait, so summer at. No, we should talk about our husband's though. Summer ends like our hut. Summer ends and her husbands fucking disappear.
• 16:36
  Speaker B: They're gone.
• 16:37
  Speaker A: Gone.
• 16:37
  Speaker B: Nowhere to be seen.
• 16:38
  Speaker A: Michael left at 5am this morning to go to a golf tournament and Michael was. And Joey was there before him.
• 16:43
  Speaker B: And they were there last night too. Yesterday.
• 16:45
  Speaker A: What time did your husband get home?
• 16:46
  Speaker B: Well, he worked last night, so he didn't get home till 5am and then he left in time.
• 16:49
  Speaker A: Michael comes in at 10, 10pm he's like, We gotta do it for dinner. Well, he ate there, but I don't. I made steak quesadillas, my sirloin. But he came in like a madhouse, ready to set. I'm like, first of all, is it golf season?
• 17:02
  Speaker B: I thought that we did this already.
• 17:04
  Speaker A: I thought we were past golf season.
• 17:05
  Speaker B: Golf is always do all that, you know, football. Like, oh my God, they're so excited for and don't even get me started out fantasy.
• 17:13
  Speaker A: Michael's so upset that his he always wins. Not to toot his own horn, but he always wins the fantasy draft. He said his lineup sucks. I'm like, I don't have time.
• 17:23
  Speaker B: I mean, I just don't understand, like, they will spend 12 hours researching, like, for their third string lineup. When did my husband do that?
• 17:31
  Speaker A: I have no idea. Probably three hours. He was on the toilet.
• 17:33
  Speaker B: Yeah. They've never done any sort of research in their life.
• 17:35
  Speaker A: Life.
• 17:37
  Speaker B: I mean, my husband acts like drafting their team is, like, bigger than childbirth. Like, like, like, can't even. Like.
• 17:42
  Speaker A: What do you mean? Like, I know, it's insane. Michael goes, you know, Sunday's first day of football. I'm like, okay, I know, Relax. Like, it's like the World fucking Series over here.
• 17:52
  Speaker B: I can't.
• 17:52
  Speaker A: I can't either. I really can't. But. So summer's over. Husbands disappear. It's golf seasons, football season. Sorry, babe, I gotta go to a Giants game on Thursday. What do you mean? I'm coming to the Giants game too. When we're bringing the baby.
• 18:04
  Speaker B: Yeah, I wan. That.
• 18:05
  Speaker A: You ever do that? Gio has, like, a little giant.
• 18:07
  Speaker B: I'll leave my kids, but we could bring Gio.
• 18:09
  Speaker A: You're in. Like, you're going to leave your kids ever. I love that for you.
• 18:12
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 18:13
  Speaker A: Also, your kids are in school all day, so, like, yeah. Your mom's going to be in her glory watching just Rocko and you can just. I know best. It's going to be the best year of your life.
• 18:22
  Speaker B: I know. I'm kind of excited for it.
• 18:23
  Speaker A: I'm so. You're glowing. You're glowing.
• 18:26
  Speaker B: This is my year.
• 18:27
  Speaker A: No, so honestly, on a real note, our golf. Our golf husbands. Our golf husbands are on a three day binger, bender, binger, bender, bender, bender, bender, bender. Golf tournament. They've left so early this morning. They're not coming home till so late.
• 18:42
  Speaker B: Wait, I have a serious question for you. Like, does Michael. This is the group chat. Like, this is group chat. Just like, the notifications just, like, go off and you're just like, and. But it's like, for fantasy. Joey's in five.
• 18:53
  Speaker A: Fantasy Michael, five years.
• 18:55
  Speaker B: And what the fuck?
• 18:56
  Speaker A: We're at dinner the other night, he's like this, oh, it's not my turn. Yeah, I love that we get to do it. He's like, I love that we get to do this, like, over the phone and not, like, in person. I'm like, eat your fucking primavera and stop talking to me right now. He's like this.
• 19:08
  Speaker B: No.
• 19:09
  Speaker A: Oh, it's not my turn. I'm gonna go grab the mustard in the fridge. I can't. He doesn't even eat mustard. The fridge is crazy. No, but I'm not kidding. 5 fantasy dress is absolutely intense. No.
• 19:19
  Speaker B: And, like.
• 19:20
  Speaker A: And he'll win all of them.
• 19:21
  Speaker B: The draft is like a two hour long thing. And they. And they sit. You didn't even go.
• 19:24
  Speaker A: I went with both of our husbands. I drove them both home. I got us pizza. I'm like, what am I doing with my son in the backseat? I can't. You're taking care of the kids at home. I'm taking care of the husbands.
• 19:34
  Speaker B: I can't.
• 19:35
  Speaker A: Can't.
• 19:37
  Speaker B: All right, I have a game. A quick game.
• 19:39
  Speaker A: Oh, quick game. Love this.
• 19:40
  Speaker B: All right, it's time to see if you know anything about the sport that our husbands abandoned us for.
• 19:44
  Speaker A: Oh, gosh.
• 19:45
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 19:45
  Speaker A: Oh, fuck. Michael's gonna die at this.
• 19:46
  Speaker B: I'm gonna rapid fire questions at you, and you have to tell me the answers.
• 19:50
  Speaker A: Just alcohol.
• 19:52
  Speaker B: Okay. Answer quick or just make me laugh.
• 19:54
  Speaker A: Okay.
• 19:54
  Speaker B: Okay. What does par mean?
• 19:56
  Speaker A: Par?
• 19:56
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 19:57
  Speaker A: Par means when you. Wait, hold on. Stop. I know. Par means when you, like, miss a shot and it's like. It's kind of like a wash.
• 20:09
  Speaker B: Okay. It's like the expected strokes you to finish a hole. It's like par. Okay, okay. Let's start simpler. What's a hole in one?
• 20:19
  Speaker A: A hole in one when you hit the golf ball and it goes directly into the hole.
• 20:23
  Speaker B: Okay. What's a birdie?
• 20:24
  Speaker A: Oh, birdie. I know what a birdie is.
• 20:28
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 20:29
  Speaker A: Birdie is when you hit the golf ball and it gets close enough to the hole, and then the next shot is in the hole. That's called a birdie.
• 20:36
  Speaker B: Oh, okay. Yeah. It's like one stroke under par. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How many holes in a round of golf?
• 20:44
  Speaker A: Eighteen.
• 20:45
  Speaker B: Okay. Good job. What is the little wooden peg called that they hit off of? Oh, the.
• 20:54
  Speaker A: Tea. Yes.
• 20:56
  Speaker B: All right, what color jacket do?
• 20:58
  Speaker A: Green.
• 20:59
  Speaker B: Yes. The Masters win. Okay, Good job. I love. You're doing better than I thought. What's one stroke over par called?
• 21:06
  Speaker A: Oh, give me first letter B.
• 21:12
  Speaker B: Birdie. Par. Puke going bogey.
• 21:18
  Speaker A: A bogey. Bogey.
• 21:20
  Speaker B: How many clubs can you carry are you allowed to carry in your bag?
• 21:25
  Speaker A: 14. Really?
• 21:27
  Speaker B: Yeah. Meanwhile, we carry 47 snacks in one bag. Literally. All right, when. When they're on the golf course and they yell four, what does that mean?
• 21:37
  Speaker A: Oh, it's like it's about to hit somebody in the head.
• 21:39
  Speaker B: Yes.
• 21:39
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 21:40
  Speaker B: Oh, you knew that.
• 21:40
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 21:41
  Speaker B: All right. What's the Area around the whole car.
• 21:43
  Speaker A: Green. Ding, ding, ding. Okay, my husband's gonna totally want to have sex with me after this.
• 21:50
  Speaker B: Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
• 21:53
  Speaker A: Because of Chub Rub.
• 21:54
  Speaker B: In case it gets a hole in one.
• 21:56
  Speaker A: Ding. I'm. I go. I go. Because it's. That's absurd.
• 22:04
  Speaker B: All right, what takes longer 18 holes of golf or trying to put shoes on your toddler?
• 22:09
  Speaker A: Oh, my God. Shoes on my toddler for sure. Are you kidding?
• 22:12
  Speaker B: All right, if. If dad says he's golfing for four hours, how long is he actually gone for? That's what I said.
• 22:21
  Speaker A: All right, would you.
• 22:22
  Speaker B: Would you rather watch 5 hours of golf on TV or listen to Baby Shark on repeat for 5 hours?
• 22:28
  Speaker A: I actually love watching golf.
• 22:29
  Speaker B: You do? Yeah. Oh, Mike, I do. You.
• 22:33
  Speaker A: I really do. The Netflix show. I love watching Netflix show. It's called.
• 22:37
  Speaker B: I don't know it. It's a Netflix show on golf.
• 22:40
  Speaker A: Yeah. You did pretty good. I know. I, like, love golf, but I. I asked. Are those my jeans?
• 22:48
  Speaker B: No, no, these are mine. These ones are mine.
• 22:51
  Speaker A: We have the same ones.
• 22:52
  Speaker B: Yeah, probably. I asked my 5 year old all these questions, and he did better than you, but he did pretty good. That's. But I'm proud of you.
• 23:03
  Speaker A: Thank you.
• 23:03
  Speaker B: I don't think I would do as well.
• 23:05
  Speaker A: No, you absolutely wouldn't. I wish I played that with you.
• 23:07
  Speaker B: Yeah. I would have butchered.
• 23:09
  Speaker A: That's kind of funny.
• 23:10
  Speaker B: Yeah. All right, we're going to. We're circling back because I have a outline here, and you totally fudged it up.
• 23:17
  Speaker A: Did I?
• 23:17
  Speaker B: Yeah. We're going back to Pinterest. Moms. Instagram. Moms need to calm the fuck down.
• 23:23
  Speaker A: Tell me more.
• 23:24
  Speaker B: Calm down.
• 23:25
  Speaker A: Wait. Yes. I know where you're going with this. The balloon arches.
• 23:28
  Speaker B: The balloon arches.
• 23:29
  Speaker A: Can you tell me something? Do they order them? They.
• 23:32
  Speaker B: They must.
• 23:32
  Speaker A: Or they're, like, at school and everyone takes pictures of her, but you are.
• 23:35
  Speaker B: Making me, as a mom, feel like garbage.
• 23:37
  Speaker A: You are garbage. Get the fucking balloon arch.
• 23:40
  Speaker B: Like, the. The gourmet snacks before breakfast, the decorating of the kitchen. First day of school.
• 23:46
  Speaker A: Like, did you do anything?
• 23:48
  Speaker B: To be honest, Joey starts school on.
• 23:50
  Speaker A: Monday, so you're gonna do something.
• 23:53
  Speaker B: Well, now I'm like, should I be getting a blown arch?
• 23:56
  Speaker A: Wait, the blown arches are kind of cool if you. I brought a balloon arc in his house on the first day of school. My husband would be like, the fuck?
• 24:03
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 24:03
  Speaker A: I mean, I would, though.
• 24:05
  Speaker B: I get it. Like, I know, like, the signs. Like, everything, but just, like, when did.
• 24:09
  Speaker A: We get to this. I don't know. When. When did we get here? When, When, Like, I was excited about the markers and the pencils and the new backpack my mom bought me.
• 24:18
  Speaker B: Like, I'm excited to, like. I mean, my kids. I got that. All that for the kids. New lunch boxes, new backpack, new new shoes. But, like, when did we get, like, we were. Has to be like, a party. It's a party.
• 24:29
  Speaker A: It's a party before school. No, I don't know how I feel about it. I actually just feel it's because of social media. Like, everyone's seeing everybody do it, so everybody just.
• 24:40
  Speaker B: I mean, that's how I feel. Like, I mean, I'll probably do. I'm not. I'm going to talk shit, but I'm probably going to do it because I don't want to be judged. Karen.
• 24:47
  Speaker A: Karen. No, but honestly, I would decorate the house.
• 24:50
  Speaker B: Yeah, it's just like, a lot lot. Also, I. I am, like, a firm believer on setting the expectations low. No. Oh, low. Like, I don't want to start cutting my kids watermelons into straw like stars now. Like, I want to. I want to just, like, throw a bag of goldfish and peanut butter and jelly in and then maybe like, come like February or something, I'll start cutting it into a dinosaur or heart and then they'll be like, a dinosaur.
• 25:19
  Speaker A: A Valentine's Day dinosaur. No, I agree with you. I totally agree, too. Why do we have to start set the bar so high so early? I know, but how happy do they get?
• 25:28
  Speaker B: I mean, so happy, but, like, it's just, like, why?
• 25:31
  Speaker A: I mean, the new lunchbox is cool.
• 25:33
  Speaker B: The bento, like the section.
• 25:35
  Speaker A: Did you get that?
• 25:36
  Speaker B: Yeah, I got.
• 25:36
  Speaker A: Do you have to order that online?
• 25:37
  Speaker B: Yeah, you have to order it. It's like, there's so many to choose from.
• 25:41
  Speaker A: Yeah, but you would think I'm the bento.
• 25:43
  Speaker B: You're not.
• 25:43
  Speaker A: Is it bento or bento?
• 25:45
  Speaker B: It's bent. It's actually like, Ben Go on the Benko kids.
• 25:49
  Speaker A: I don't know what that means.
• 25:50
  Speaker B: Yes, it is.
• 25:50
  Speaker A: I'm gonna do a brown paperback.
• 25:52
  Speaker B: You're not. But you'll. You could keep saying that.
• 25:54
  Speaker A: Oh, I'm not.
• 25:55
  Speaker B: I also really. They have Pizza Fridays and Chicken Finger Wednesday. I really hope Joey wants to do that and buy his lunch because then it's like, two days. Don't have to.
• 26:04
  Speaker A: So you got up. You were gonna have to get up Monday morning and pack a lunch.
• 26:07
  Speaker B: Yeah, two lunches.
• 26:08
  Speaker A: Are you gonna think about it the night prior?
• 26:10
  Speaker B: I mean. Yeah. I, I'll have all the snacks and stuff. Usually does quesadillas.
• 26:15
  Speaker A: So you'll make the quesadilla night before?
• 26:17
  Speaker B: No, I'll make a morning of.
• 26:18
  Speaker A: Fry them up on the pan and throw them in.
• 26:21
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 26:21
  Speaker A: And then what, like, snacks is he getting?
• 26:23
  Speaker B: I mean, goldfish, yogurt. He likes granola. Like, you know how many granola chunks? What?
• 26:30
  Speaker A: Like my son, like, eating lunch alone or something. I saw a puke everywhere.
• 26:36
  Speaker B: Don't even say that to me. I could cry.
• 26:39
  Speaker A: Or like someone says something about the food he's eating.
• 26:41
  Speaker B: Oh, my God. Or like, no, I, like, Joey wanted hard boiled eggs and I was like, oh, I don't know if I could let him. Because then they'll be like, oh, you're the smelly egg kid.
• 26:50
  Speaker A: No, no, I'm gonna freak out. This is why maybe I won't send my kid to school because of these.
• 26:55
  Speaker B: Just homeschool him forever.
• 26:56
  Speaker A: No, my kid's gonna be really cool. So I'm not worried your kid might be the smelly egg. I might be worried he's got a cool fucking haircut.
• 27:03
  Speaker B: He got his. He got his new haircut.
• 27:05
  Speaker A: He's not gonna give a though if he's cool or not. He's just gonna be cool because he's cool, not because, like, I mean, I.
• 27:10
  Speaker B: Hope so, but I just hope people are kind.
• 27:12
  Speaker A: Just be kind. That's it.
• 27:14
  Speaker B: Be kind.
• 27:14
  Speaker A: That's all we have to say. Back to school. Be kind. Be safe and have fun.
• 27:19
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's what it's about. Also, also, thank you, teachers, because they're your problem now.
• 27:24
  Speaker A: Yeah, peace. I have to answer some of that. But before I do, I just saw Kim Kardashian said, like, there should be no.
• 27:29
  Speaker B: There should be no homework. I love that. I did see that.
• 27:31
  Speaker A: I love. My mom always said that we have other things going on. We don't need homework when we're in school. That's the point.
• 27:38
  Speaker B: Correct, I kind of agree with that. But like, also like, Vienna's like, am.
• 27:41
  Speaker A: I gonna get some reading?
• 27:42
  Speaker B: Like my. No, but we're not there yet.
• 27:45
  Speaker A: But you're doing the homework. So it's like, yeah, I, I teach my kids.
• 27:50
  Speaker B: Joey is gonna. He's like a math whiz and he'll ask me, like, stuff. No, he'll ask me, like, like a question. I'll be like, I have no idea. Like, let me chat gbt this. Yeah.
• 28:01
  Speaker A: Anyway, so all in all, it's back to school. You're feeling Jimmy excited because your kids are going, you're gonna have one kid again.
• 28:10
  Speaker B: Yes, one kid again. Which is so crazy.
• 28:11
  Speaker A: This is why people have kids.
• 28:13
  Speaker B: Have you ever seen that? It's, like a trend where it's like, the parents send their kids off to school and then they, like, jump on the couch and they're really excited and they look to their left and it's.
• 28:21
  Speaker A: Like, Jesse James Decker just did that.
• 28:24
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah, it's so funny.
• 28:25
  Speaker A: Wait, someone just commented. Speaking.
• 28:26
  Speaker B: I love Jesse James. Jesse James.
• 28:27
  Speaker A: Me too. A lot of people don't like her. I love her.
• 28:31
  Speaker B: She's amazing. What's up?
• 28:33
  Speaker A: I could see why people don't, because she just. She does certain things that are like, all right, Jesse. Like, you're beautiful. You're gorgeous. I love her, but I do too. But someone just said, I thought you were Jesse James Decker. Like, in one of my Tiktoks. I was like, I love that. Yeah, I would. I would be with Eric Decker in one second. God, he's so tall and manly.
• 28:51
  Speaker B: It's very hot.
• 28:53
  Speaker A: Anyway, not bad. Not getting off track here. But back to school. We love the fall.
• 28:59
  Speaker B: I'm ready for fall. Are you a pumpkin spice girl? No, I don't like pumpkin, but I like, like. I like apple. I love the picking.
• 29:07
  Speaker A: I'm a full girl.
• 29:07
  Speaker B: Like, are we gonna do things together?
• 29:09
  Speaker A: I hope. Because we don't do anything but this together.
• 29:11
  Speaker B: People think that we are, like, with each other every day.
• 29:14
  Speaker A: We're not. We're so on different scale. Like, you have to remember our families are different.
• 29:18
  Speaker B: Three.
• 29:18
  Speaker A: One is, like, way. It's not even. Like, I have, like, two. That's one Joey's age.
• 29:22
  Speaker B: But although, maybe this fall will be more.
• 29:24
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 29:24
  Speaker B: Like, maybe we can go Ron Rocco and GM. Yeah.
• 29:27
  Speaker A: Yeah. Because you won't have to worry about, like, you're doing all the older kids stuff. I'm still in, like, the Rocco age.
• 29:32
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 29:33
  Speaker A: Again, like, sitting home doing nothing, obviously. And you're out and about, like, with your kids in school. But speaking of, I forgot to mention two things for me, so out of reach here, but I have blue tassels in my hair from over the weekend. I forgot to mention they're not like them. They're not gray hairs. They're blue tassels.
• 29:48
  Speaker B: Yeah. They look cute. No, they look cute, but in some light they could look like grays. But they're cute.
• 29:55
  Speaker A: But also, I have a little bit of a lisp. Nothing wrong with anybody who has a lisp. But I bit my tongue and I can't speak. So if you hear a little bit of that.
• 30:01
  Speaker B: It actually sounded okay.
• 30:03
  Speaker A: I did, right?
• 30:04
  Speaker B: Yeah. When are we gonna get our husbands back here on podcast? No, not back here. I mean, like in life.
• 30:10
  Speaker A: Never.
• 30:10
  Speaker B: They better win.
• 30:11
  Speaker A: Want to do something for Sunday? On Sunday?
• 30:13
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 30:13
  Speaker A: Football.
• 30:14
  Speaker B: Yes. What should we do?
• 30:16
  Speaker A: Come to your house in the backyard.
• 30:17
  Speaker B: Cool.
• 30:19
  Speaker A: Anyway, that's all we have.
• 30:20
  Speaker B: That's it. Oh, yes. Football. We can make wings. And we can take advantage in my country salad. I love your country salad.
• 30:30
  Speaker A: Yeah, dog it. I'm excited.
• 30:32
  Speaker B: Wine, Lots of wine. Oh, I love fall.
• 30:36
  Speaker A: Yeah. Okay.
• 30:39
  Speaker B: Anyway, I have things to do.
• 30:40
  Speaker A: Yeah, you have a lot of things to do.
• 30:41
  Speaker B: No, we have a meet and greet with my son's kindergarten class and I'm missing it. Right?
• 30:45
  Speaker A: You are. You are started. Love you so much. Episode 18 thank you for listening. Like, Follow, Subscribe. Back to school. Get your balloon eggs going.
• 30:53
  Speaker B: Don't but get. Mess happens. Isn't that really. I mean, love it. Cleaning car seats.
• 30:57
  Speaker A: I'm doing it. We're gonna do it.
• 30:59
  Speaker B: Yeah, of course.
• 30:59
  Speaker A: So we'll let you know how it goes.
• 31:01
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 31:01
  Speaker A: Okay. Love you.
• 31:02
  Speaker B: Love you.
• 31:02
  Speaker A: Bye.