Latest / Mini Scroll / The Expression of Death on Social Media: From Parasocial Grief to The Monetistation of Digital Mourning

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The Expression of Death on Social Media: From Parasocial Grief to The Monetistation of Digital Mourning · Mini Scroll

• 0:00
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  keep our deep dives going, and of course, keeping us hydrated.
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  Before we jump into it, Please note that this episode discusses
• 0:42
  themes like death, illness, and grief.
• 0:44
  Listener discretion is advised. On October 16th, 2024, social
• 0:50
  media users everywhere gathered around their phones in horror,
• 0:53
  refreshing their feeds. Liam Payne, the 31 year old
• 0:57
  singer from the wildly popular music Group One Direction, had
• 1:01
  suddenly and unexpectedly passed away.
• 1:04
  Within hours of the news. One Direction fans around the
• 1:07
  world gathered in person and online to mourn his loss.
• 1:11
  For many 1D fans, who are mostly young millennials and Gen.
• 1:14
  Z, this was the first major celebrity loss they'd
• 1:17
  experienced, and the expression of this loss garnered some
• 1:21
  questionable feedback. Many critics labeled this
• 1:24
  collective parasocial grief as invalid, chalking it up to mass
• 1:28
  fangirl hysteria or even a bid for attention.
• 1:32
  But the thousands of posts, videos, tributes, and eulogies
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  shared across social media by fans who claimed to be
• 1:39
  devastated by Liam's death told a different story.
• 1:42
  Because as our on and offline realities continue to blend and
• 1:47
  social media continues to provide us with an increased
• 1:50
  access to our favorite celebrities and influencers, our
• 1:53
  parasocial bonds feel stronger than ever.
• 1:56
  So while these fans obviously didn't personally know Liam
• 1:59
  Payne, they may have never even met him, seen him perform, or
• 2:03
  interacted with him outside of fan communities.
• 2:06
  The grief that the One Direction fandom felt over Liam Payne's
• 2:10
  death could have been real, couldn't it?
• 2:13
  This is an exploration into the evolution and ethics of death
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  and dying on social media, from how our online experiences shape
• 2:21
  parasocial grief to the responsibilities that platforms
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  hold when a user, whether famous or not, dies with a complex and
• 2:30
  sometimes profitable digital footprint.
• 2:33
  From Centennial World, I'm Lauren Meisner and this is
• 2:36
  Infinite Scroll, a podcast about Internet culture, the creator
• 2:39
  economy, and how social media is shaping Gen.
• 2:42
  Z Welcome back to Infinite Scroll, everyone.
• 2:45
  Thank you guys for bearing with us.
• 2:47
  We had no episode last week because as you can imagine, this
• 2:51
  is a big episode covering very sensitive topics.
• 2:54
  So we actually wanted to line up some interviews for this
• 2:58
  particular episode so that we were not just kind of going off
• 3:01
  of our own secondary research. We wanted some primary sources
• 3:04
  as well. So there are two interviews put
• 3:07
  into this episode that I did with mental health and grief
• 3:10
  professionals to get a little bit of that expert edge to this
• 3:14
  episode. But as always, Please remember
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  to rate, review, and subscribe. Please sign up to our newsletter
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  called Infinite Scroll on Fridays.
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  We round up the five biggest thing pieces from that week, and
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  we are trying to get to 1000 Spotify star ratings.
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  So please listen to this episode on Spotify and star rate US.
• 3:37
  Most of us have felt grief at some point, as it's a natural
• 3:41
  emotional response to loss. From holding funerals to
• 3:44
  flipping through old photo albums, grief has always existed
• 3:48
  in both public and private spheres, with certain shared
• 3:51
  rituals offering comfort and connection.
• 3:53
  That said, grief has long had a performative element, and that's
• 3:57
  not necessarily a bad thing. Public mourning can be an
• 4:00
  important part of processing laws.
• 4:02
  But with social media, this performance has intensified.
• 4:06
  New rituals have emerged, and the scope of grief has expanded.
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  We're no longer just mourning people we personally know.
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  We're also grieving those we've never met.
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  These days, we're exposed to hundreds, if not thousands, of
• 4:19
  people every week. As we scroll through social
• 4:22
  media, these faces become familiar, and over time, they
• 4:25
  begin to feel like a source of comfort.
• 4:28
  This of course has allowed Paris social relationships to become
• 4:31
  the new norm. We've talked a lot about
• 4:33
  parasocial relationships on this podcast, but for those who are
• 4:37
  unfamiliar with the phenomenon, these relationships are one
• 4:40
  sided emotional connections with media figures, whether they're
• 4:43
  celebrities, fictional characters or influencers.
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  Though the relationship is an illusion, the feelings of viewer
• 4:50
  has around it are genuine, where we go on to think of these
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  figures like friends and family. While the love and support for
• 4:56
  influencers and celebrities can create a real sense of
• 4:59
  belonging, the unfortunate flip side is a feeling of grief and
• 5:03
  betrayal. By placing these influencers on
• 5:05
  such a pedestal when creators say or do something problematic,
• 5:09
  viewers suffer real feelings of loss and anger.
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  As you might expect, this can lead to a very real feeling of
• 5:16
  grief when a public figure disappoints their audience or if
• 5:19
  something tragic happens to them.
• 5:21
  When a public figure passes away, social media floods with
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  Instagram stories and tributes. It's become both a ritual and a
• 5:28
  performance, ultimately shaping how we process loss in the
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  digital age. You only need to think back to
• 5:34
  when Liam Payne tragically passed away, mentioned in the
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  intro. When the news of his death
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  broke, many long time One Direction fans were
• 5:41
  simultaneously shocked and devastated.
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  For many Gen. Z fans, Liam represented their
• 5:46
  childhood and teenage years, making his passing feel deeply
• 5:50
  personal. Some described his loss as akin
• 5:53
  to losing a family member or feeling like they had lost a big
• 5:56
  part of their childhood. As Sam Carr and Chao Fang note
• 6:00
  for the conversation. Scrolling through the Internet,
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  it was clear just how profound this grief was.
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  Hundreds of articles emerged offering support to those
• 6:08
  struggling with his death. Publications ranging from the
• 6:11
  ABC to Shit You Should Care About explored the emotional
• 6:14
  impact with headlines questioning how to actually
• 6:17
  grieve Liam Payne. In one post on the R slash grief
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  support subreddit, a user even asked quote, is anyone else
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  struggling with Liam Payne's death?
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  The responses painted a picture of just how deeply his loss this
• 6:30
  was felt, with Reddit users sharing how they were grappling
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  with the weight of their grief. Quote One Direction was such a
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  big part of my life since I got into them in 2012 and they
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  helped me through a traumatic childhood.
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  The loss of Liam Payne sent me first into shock and since
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  that's worn off, it's just been crying off and on for the past
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  two days. I feel like I'm grieving a
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  friend as well and also a part of my childhood along with him.
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  1 user wrote. Aside from sharing their grief
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  online, fans from all over the world created Memorial to honor
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  him. Here in Sydney, for example,
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  fans gathered at the arena where One Direction had once
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  performed, leaving flowers, handwritten notes, and other
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  mementos in his memory. As Carr and Fang continue in
• 7:12
  their piece for the Conversation quote, this collective mourning
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  illustrates how deeply ingrained celebrities can become in our
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  lives, not just as entertainers, but as symbols of our own
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  personal experiences and memories.
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  Historically, we've seen this level of public mourning for
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  mainstream celebrities. The deaths of figures ranging
• 7:30
  from Princess Diana to Mac Miller to Naya Riviera triggered
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  an outpouring of tributes online as fans dealt with their loss in
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  real time. But as social media influencers
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  continue to merge with the mainstream, we're seeing
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  Internet users mourn their deaths in the same way.
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  Consider Talia Joy 18 as an example.
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  For those unfamiliar, Talia was a hugely popular YouTube in the
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  early to mid twenty 10s. Known for her makeup tutorials
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  and for sharing her journey with cancer, she quickly became one
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  of the most loved beauty gurus at the time, amassing around 1.3
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  million followers at her peak. But beyond her makeup skills and
• 8:06
  updates about her illness, Talia was well loved by teen girls for
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  her positivity and bubbly attitude.
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  She often used the phrase. Just keep swimming.
• 8:15
  From Finding Nemo as a mantra to stay optimistic, her influence
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  eventually surpassed YouTube. In September 2012, she appeared
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  on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, where she was announced as the
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  face of CoverGirl Cosmetics, an achievement that cemented her
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  status as more than just a YouTube, but a cultural icon in
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  her own right. Talia passed away on July 16th,
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  2013, around a month shy of her 14th birthday.
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  Her loss, like Liam's, was felt deeply across the social media
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  space. Tribute events were held and
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  fans around the world blew up balloons with messages directed
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  to Talia inside them. One Reddit user took to the
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  platform to share their feelings, saying quote.
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  When I read today that Talia had died, I cried and cried.
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  Then I watched several Talia tutorials, dried my puffy eyes,
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  and did my makeup with a dramatic eyes look to go out and
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  mow my lawn. I think Talia would have liked
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  that. Talia was so positive.
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  She fought for so long. She had hundreds of thousands of
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  people praying for her and wishing for her to live.
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  But she died, and the world seems less beautiful today.
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  It should be noted that there is a lot of skepticism around the
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  experience of parasocial grief. As I mentioned in the intro,
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  many question whether it constitutes real grief at all.
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  Some scholars and researchers have even gone so far as to
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  characterize the experience as, quote, absurd, arguing that
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  mourning someone you've never met lacks the depth and personal
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  connection that defines traditional grief.
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  To learn more about this phenomenon, I chatted with
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  counselor Candice Mace from Griefline.
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  Griefline is an Australian charity that provides support
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  services to those struggling with grief.
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  This was our conversation. Thank you so much, Candice, for
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  joining me today. Thank you so much for having me.
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  Pleasure to be here. I'm so excited to chat with you
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  a little bit about parasocial relationships and grief and how
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  that kind of manifests in fandoms.
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  But before we get into that, can you tell me a little bit about
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  your background and who you are? Yeah, sure.
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  So I'm a psychologist. I currently work, you know,
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  primarily in the grief lost trauma sort of space.
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  I sort of work for a few, not for profits and also in in
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  private practice as well. Primarily, as I said, sort of
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  focusing on that main area come from both sides of the fence.
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  Obviously lived experience it with grief and loss as well as
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  obviously my my formal education which has made me so passionate
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  to be here. So to get right into it,
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  basically what we're going to be talking with Candace about is
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  why we experience grief for public figures looking at is it
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  valid, is it real, and how we can kind of navigate those
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  emotions as fans. So, Candace, how would you
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  define parasocial grief in a clinical or psychological
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  context? I think from a psychological
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  perspective, the experience of parasocial grief can be just as
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  intense and distressing as as the grief experience after the
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  loss of a personal relationship. Individuals might experience a
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  range of emotions, including, you know, common grief responses
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  like sadness, anger, confusion, even denial.
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  Of course, they may also experience their physical
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  symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, loss of appetite, as well as
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  some other sort of social and spiritual effects as well.
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  I think to understand that fully from a psychological point of
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  view, my mind goes straight to attachment theory.
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  So attachment theory is describing how early childhood
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  experiences, usually with our primary caregivers like mum or
• 11:52
  dad, can shape our relationships throughout life.
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  That of course influences how we seek comfort and connection with
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  others. Also proposes that we develop
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  those internal working models of relationships, which essentially
• 12:07
  are blueprints for how we expect relationships to function.
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  Now with parasocial relationships, we're seeing
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  these attachment dynamics play out in perhaps an unexpected
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  context. Individuals can still form
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  pretty strong attachments to public figures or celebrities or
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  even fictional characters at times, and those figures can
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  become symbolic attachment figures that fulfills their need
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  for connections, belonging, even a sense of idealised parent or
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  friend. For someone, say with an anxious
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  attachment style for example, the consistent presence of a
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  public figure, even if it's just through their work, can offer
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  them a real sense of stability and connection that might be
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  lacking elsewhere. And similarly, maybe someone
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  with an avoidant attachment style might find that one sided
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  nature of a parasocial relationship more comfortable as
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  it allows for that connection without the demands of a
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  reciprocal intimacy. I've never thought about
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  parasocial relationships like that.
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  We talk about them so much on this podcast, but I've for the
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  most part looked at it through the lens of we feel like we know
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  this person, so we feel like we have a reciprocal relationship
• 13:17
  with them. Sure, absolutely.
• 13:20
  Yeah, yeah. That's so interesting.
• 13:22
  So your background includes working with disenfranchised
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  grief. How do you define
• 13:28
  disenfranchised grief, first of all?
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  And is parasocial grief considered a part of that?
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  So disenfranchised grief. That was a a term coined by
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  Kenneth Doka back in the 80s. Now that refers to any loss that
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  isn't openly acknowledged. It isn't socially validated and
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  not often publicly mourned. So think about, for example, the
• 13:53
  loss of a pet, maybe miscarriage early in pregnancies, the end of
• 13:57
  a same sex relationship. Even when grief is
• 14:01
  disenfranchised, people might feel isolated in their morning
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  because they're not receiving the same level of understanding
• 14:08
  or support that they would for a socially recognised loss like
• 14:12
  the death of a family member. So I think one of the biggest
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  challenges with parasocial grief is that it is often
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  disenfranchised. So with parasocial grief, the
• 14:23
  response from others is often dismissive.
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  People might say, Oh well, you didn't actually know them so why
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  are you so upset? But that completely ignores the
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  depth of emotional connection people can form with public
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  figures. What's really unique about
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  parasocial grief is that it does involve that symbolic loss.
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  So it's not just about the person, but it's about what they
• 14:45
  represented. So maybe they were a part of
• 14:47
  your childhood. Maybe their lyrics got someone
• 14:50
  through a really difficult time. Maybe they were an actor who
• 14:53
  played a really beloved character or public figure who
• 14:56
  represented values or aspirations that were deeply
• 14:59
  meaningful to a person. So when they're gone, it can
• 15:02
  feel like losing a real part of yourself, your identity, even a
• 15:05
  whole era of your life. That can be profoundly
• 15:08
  significant. So because disenfranchised
• 15:11
  grief, grief isn't always recognised, people might feel
• 15:14
  ashamed or reluctant to express their emotions, fearing that
• 15:18
  they might be judged for overreacting.
• 15:21
  They don't feel the loss is worthy of the same level of
• 15:24
  support or recognition as other more socially accepted losses.
• 15:27
  So this lack of validation can make that grieving process even
• 15:31
  harder for an individual, which can lead to further feelings of
• 15:34
  loneliness or unresolved grief. So it's important to recognise
• 15:38
  it. Just because a relationship
• 15:39
  might be 1 sided, it doesn't mean that the loss isn't real.
• 15:43
  So grief is about the meaning that person or character held in
• 15:47
  someone's life, not just about whether there was that direct
• 15:50
  interaction. So based off of that, it sounds
• 15:53
  like it's. Pretty safe to say that you
• 15:55
  would consider parasocial grief as quote UN quote real.
• 16:00
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 16:02
  I think it's a really great question or a really great point
• 16:05
  that you you make. I think it's probably common for
• 16:09
  people to say that it's not real.
• 16:11
  I feel that that's quite frankly dismissive.
• 16:15
  I think people that say parasocial grief isn't real
• 16:19
  often misunderstand the nature of those relationships and the
• 16:22
  emotional investment that's involved.
• 16:26
  My perspective, of course, grounded in psychology and human
• 16:29
  experience, is that all grief is real to the person that is
• 16:32
  experiencing it. So whether the loss is tangible,
• 16:36
  like the death of a family member, or more abstract, like
• 16:39
  the loss of a connection with a public figure, that emotional
• 16:42
  pain is still valid. I completely agree.
• 16:46
  I talk later in this episode about this YouTube that I
• 16:50
  followed, and she had cancer. And I watched her document that.
• 16:55
  And then she ended up passing away.
• 16:57
  And I felt so I was, like, crying.
• 16:59
  Like, I felt genuine grief. And she was part of my life.
• 17:03
  Like, every single week. I watched her new vlogs, and I
• 17:06
  was obviously, like, just on this emotional journey with her.
• 17:10
  And it was so hard to reconcile with those feelings knowing that
• 17:15
  I actually didn't know her. Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:19
  Have you noticed an increase in parasocial grief with this kind
• 17:23
  of increasing dependence, especially that young people
• 17:27
  have on social media? I think the increase in
• 17:31
  parasocial grief isn't just because we're more dependent on
• 17:34
  that social media, but because I think social media fundamentally
• 17:38
  changes the way that we form relationships with our public
• 17:41
  figures. In the past, if I even think
• 17:44
  about, gosh, I'm an 80s child, so back in the 80s or early 90s,
• 17:49
  I still felt, you know, deep connections with celebrities and
• 17:52
  musicians, public figures. But I guess their access to me
• 17:55
  or my access to them, sorry, was limited to TV interviews,
• 17:58
  magazines, live performances, that sort of thing.
• 18:01
  Now with social media, of course, we're engaging with
• 18:03
  these figures every day. We see their behind the scenes
• 18:06
  moments, their personal thoughts, even their struggles,
• 18:09
  which makes them feel more accessible, more human in some
• 18:12
  ways, more like part of our lives.
• 18:14
  So when one of those figures passes away, it doesn't just
• 18:18
  feel like losing a distant celebrity, it actually feels
• 18:20
  personal. As you mentioned, Lauren, you
• 18:23
  were part of that journey with your YouTube.
• 18:26
  So social media creates that illusion of intimacy.
• 18:30
  So that loss does hit us harder because in a way, people do feel
• 18:34
  like they knew them. I think what's also interesting
• 18:39
  is that grief itself is also playing out in real time online.
• 18:43
  So maybe instead of grieving privately, people are taking to
• 18:48
  platforms like Twitter, Instagram, TikTok to share their
• 18:51
  emotions, post their tributes, connect with others who are
• 18:54
  feeling the same. Another thing that might be
• 19:00
  impacting that or complicating maybe the presence of grieving
• 19:07
  is that social media is keeping those figures alive in a way
• 19:12
  that, as I said, can complicate that whole process.
• 19:14
  So, you know, algorithms keep resurfacing old post fan
• 19:18
  accounts, continue to post content, deep fake technology,
• 19:21
  even recreating voices and images of deceased people.
• 19:24
  So people are constantly re engaging with someone who's no
• 19:28
  longer here, which can sometimes make acceptance and moving
• 19:30
  forward even more difficult. Absolutely.
• 19:33
  And fandom culture in general is just so powerful and is embedded
• 19:40
  in kind of like a hive mind. So we see and I talk about
• 19:45
  throughout this episode kind of how fandoms collectively grieve
• 19:49
  as well as obviously individual fans grieving.
• 19:52
  And it's super interesting how social media plays a role in
• 19:54
  that kind of collective experience, with different fan
• 19:58
  pages allowing people to constantly post about them, to
• 20:01
  constantly interact with other fans and talk about their grief
• 20:03
  and things like that. That's it, which can help, you
• 20:06
  know, I guess in a way with people with their grief forming
• 20:09
  that social community, you know, that can help with that
• 20:13
  isolation that can come with grief as well.
• 20:15
  So that can be really helpful. Yeah, absolutely.
• 20:19
  Could experiencing parasocial grief impact how someone
• 20:23
  processes personal loss in their yeah, in their personal life?
• 20:28
  I I really do think so. I think it's something that
• 20:31
  deserves more research as well. It is plausible that
• 20:35
  experiencing parasocial grief could influence how someone
• 20:38
  processes personal loss later in life, though it's likely complex
• 20:43
  and of course varies from person to person because grief is so
• 20:47
  individual. But on one hand, I think
• 20:49
  navigating the grief of parasocial loss, especially if
• 20:53
  it's a significant one, could provide a sort of practice, if
• 20:57
  you like, in coping with loss in general.
• 21:00
  It might introduce someone to the emotional roller coaster
• 21:03
  that is grief and the importance of self-care throughout the
• 21:06
  grief process. This experience, even if it is
• 21:10
  about a public figure, could equip someone with some coping
• 21:13
  mechanisms that might be helpful when facing a more personal
• 21:16
  loss. On the other hand, though,
• 21:19
  there's a possibility that unresolved or particularly
• 21:22
  intense parasocial grief could maybe complicate future
• 21:26
  grieving. If someone hasn't fully
• 21:28
  processed a parasocial loss, it might resurface or intertwine
• 21:33
  with grief from a personal loss, making that grieving process
• 21:37
  more complex and challenging. Also, the nature of parasocial
• 21:41
  grief, often lacking in traditional support systems,
• 21:45
  could leave someone feeling unprepared or I'll equipped to
• 21:47
  handle the more tangible loss of a personal relationship.
• 21:52
  I mentioned individuality there, so I'll just sort of recap what
• 21:54
  I was saying about that. It is always important to
• 21:58
  consider individual differences. So attachment styles,
• 22:01
  personality traits, previous experiences with loss is all
• 22:05
  going to play a part in how someone processes both
• 22:08
  parasocial and personal grief. So while it is possible that
• 22:12
  parasocial grief can influence future grieving, it's not a
• 22:15
  straightforward cause and effect sort of relationship.
• 22:18
  So there's not a lot of research and info out there.
• 22:21
  So morph research is definitely needed to fully understand that
• 22:24
  long term impact of parasocial grief.
• 22:27
  Yeah, absolutely. So then, to that point, what
• 22:31
  would you suggest are some healthy ways to process
• 22:34
  parasocial grief? Sure, so important to remember
• 22:40
  there's no one-size-fits-all approach, but here are some
• 22:43
  strategies that could be helpful.
• 22:45
  So the first thing I say to any of my grieving clients is to
• 22:49
  acknowledge and validate your emotions.
• 22:51
  So even though we established that maybe that relationship is
• 22:55
  1 sided, the grief that you're feeling is real.
• 22:59
  So whether you're feeling sad, confused, or even angry, those
• 23:02
  feelings are completely valid. It's so easy to dismiss, as we
• 23:06
  said, because oh, you didn't actually know them.
• 23:09
  But if this person has had a significant impact on your life,
• 23:12
  that emotional bond matters. So the first step is to give
• 23:16
  yourself permission to feel that grief without judgment.
• 23:20
  Next, I'd suggest maybe creating a meaningful tribute or ritual.
• 23:25
  Doesn't have to be huge, but finding a way to honor that
• 23:27
  person can really help you process your feelings.
• 23:31
  That might be maybe re watching some content, listening to
• 23:33
  music, their music, or writing about what they meant to you.
• 23:37
  Just having a moment to reflect on their impact can be really
• 23:40
  healing. We also mentioned as well if
• 23:43
  they're part of a larger community, connecting with
• 23:45
  others who are grieving can also help you feel understood and
• 23:48
  less alone in the process. I'm a big believer, of course,
• 23:53
  it's my job to get people to talk about their feelings.
• 23:55
  So yeah, reaching out to fan communities online or close
• 23:59
  friends can really help to express your emotions.
• 24:02
  I've already mentioned that grief can feel really isolating,
• 24:05
  particularly if it is disenfranchised, but talking
• 24:09
  about it can be a great way to release some of that emotional
• 24:11
  weight. Of course, self-care is key
• 24:15
  during any grieving process, whether that's taking care of
• 24:18
  physical health, getting enough sleep, doing something that
• 24:21
  brings you comfort. It's really important to take
• 24:24
  care of yourself while processing that loss.
• 24:27
  Emotional check ins are also very helpful.
• 24:29
  So taking a moment each day to see how you're feeling, allow
• 24:33
  yourself space to experience those emotions without rushing
• 24:36
  through them. If at any point the grief does
• 24:40
  feel overwhelming or disrupting your functioning, don't hesitate
• 24:43
  to reach out for professional support.
• 24:45
  Sometimes parasocial grief can bring up deeper emotions that we
• 24:49
  might need extra help to process, so therapy can be
• 24:52
  really valuable for developing healthier coping strategies.
• 24:56
  Amazing. Thank you so much, Candace.
• 25:00
  No worries. Thank you so much for your time.
• 25:02
  Ultimately, whether or not you believe that you can actually
• 25:05
  feel grief for someone you have never met, the examples of Liam
• 25:08
  and Talia, among many, many others, make it clear that
• 25:11
  various online customs have emerged for expressing grief on
• 25:15
  social media. This might include sharing
• 25:17
  condolence posts, creating digital memories, or archiving
• 25:21
  certain posts and videos as keepsakes.
• 25:23
  Posting a picture or tribute is probably the most common way to
• 25:26
  express grief online. But another major ritual is
• 25:30
  revisiting an artist's work, whether it's their past content,
• 25:33
  movies, TV shows, or discography.
• 25:35
  This phenomenon is so widespread that it even has a name, the
• 25:39
  Post Death Spike. The concept is simple.
• 25:42
  When a celebrity passes away, fans and social media users
• 25:45
  start engaging with their content at a much higher rate.
• 25:49
  For example, when Avicii passed in 2018, his engagement and
• 25:53
  follower count reportedly skyrocketed by 33%.
• 25:56
  After Matthew Perry's passing, the Friends theme song racked up
• 26:00
  over 1.3 million streams in a single week.
• 26:03
  And of course, there was the aftermath of Liam Payne's death
• 26:07
  when One Direction streaming numbers surged.
• 26:09
  Quote. Following Liam Payne's death on
• 26:11
  October 16th, One Direction's music had seen a significant
• 26:15
  surge on the charts, with all five of the group's albums
• 26:18
  returning to the Billboard 200. Steven J Horowitz writes for
• 26:22
  Variety. Each of the boy band's albums
• 26:24
  has re emerged on the tally this week, with 2014's 4 leaping the
• 26:28
  highest to #31. But it's not just everyday users
• 26:32
  who turn to social media creators do too.
• 26:35
  Many influencers use grief as a way to connect with their
• 26:37
  audience and, whether ethical or not, even leverage it to build a
• 26:42
  following. Some pull from their personal
• 26:44
  experiences, sharing their own losses, while others create
• 26:48
  content around the grieving process for a celebrity,
• 26:51
  leveraging the collective mourning of their audience.
• 26:54
  Take, for instance, how creators Co opted the man down Liam No
• 26:58
  audio after Liam Payne's death. While much of it was framed as a
• 27:02
  way to process the news through humor, a coping mechanism
• 27:05
  commonly used by Gen. Z online, it also raises ethical
• 27:08
  concerns. The speed at which social media
• 27:11
  users turn tragedy into content can feel exploitative,
• 27:15
  particularly for the grieving family and loved ones left
• 27:18
  behind. Of course, this isn't an
• 27:20
  isolated incident. We've seen similar patterns play
• 27:23
  out time and time again, where influencers and content creators
• 27:27
  find ways to attach themselves to the narrative of a public
• 27:30
  figures passing. Some do it by sharing personal
• 27:33
  anecdotes about how the celebrity impacted their lives,
• 27:36
  while others repurpose archival footage or old interviews to
• 27:40
  generate views. There's a fine line between
• 27:42
  genuine mourning and completely performative grief, and in an
• 27:46
  era where engagement is currency, it's not always clear
• 27:50
  where that line is drawn. With that being said, there are
• 27:54
  always social media users who monitor how grief is performed
• 27:57
  online, and unsurprisingly, scrutiny often comes from within
• 28:01
  the fandoms themselves. It's no secret that fandoms are
• 28:04
  fiercely protective of their faves, especially in the wake of
• 28:08
  tragic events. But in this, fandoms can be a
• 28:11
  double edged sword when it comes to grieving and bereavement.
• 28:14
  On one hand, they provide a strong sense of comfort and
• 28:17
  community. On the other, they often dictate
• 28:20
  who is allowed to grieve and how that grief should be expressed.
• 28:24
  A lot of this stems from the deep sense of loss fans
• 28:26
  experience. Of course, this is partly due to
• 28:29
  parasocial bonds, but it's also because fandom itself, self, is
• 28:33
  a powerful form of identity. If you've ever self identified
• 28:36
  as a fan girl or knew someone who did, you'd understand just
• 28:40
  how deeply ingrained this connection becomes.
• 28:42
  Fans spend countless hours on platforms like Reddit,
• 28:46
  Instagram, and X, keeping up with every detail of a
• 28:49
  celebrity's life, what they're doing, how they're feeling, and
• 28:52
  watching every single second of content that comes out about
• 28:55
  them. On top of this, many of these
• 28:58
  stands or fans would be living this way for years.
• 29:01
  So when that person passes away today, these fans lose a very
• 29:04
  real part of themselves. In a PhD thesis written at
• 29:08
  Drexel University by Ashley Blake Patwell, she explains
• 29:12
  quote celebrity mourning is not just about the loss of one life.
• 29:15
  As the celebrity is mourned online, their death becomes
• 29:18
  about us too, about our relationship to the celebrity,
• 29:21
  our associations, to the categories of pop culture and
• 29:24
  celebrity in general, and our connection to each other.
• 29:28
  So when a fans fave passes, the mourning process becomes a
• 29:32
  communal experience. That's why any seemingly wrong
• 29:35
  way of grieving can quickly spark tension, whether it's an
• 29:39
  outsider making an offhand comment or a fan not expressing
• 29:43
  the appropriate level of respect.
• 29:46
  That being said, it's not uncommon to see fans policing
• 29:49
  how others mourn, questioning their sincerity or accusing them
• 29:53
  of jumping on the grief bandwagon.
• 29:55
  Some even go as far as demanding public displays of sadness, as
• 29:59
  if grief needs to be performed in a specific way to be
• 30:02
  considered valid. In a journal article written by
• 30:05
  Katie Gash, Casey Faisler, and Jed Brubaker, they discuss the
• 30:09
  phenomenon of grief policing. While their paper looks
• 30:12
  predominantly toward grief policing in Facebook groups,
• 30:15
  much of their analysis can apply to other platforms.
• 30:18
  They begin by noting that grief policing is a term that refers
• 30:21
  to people telling others how or for whom to grieve.
• 30:25
  The academics go on to quote Maddie Palmer for Junkie, who
• 30:28
  explains quote the grief police maintain strict yet unspecified
• 30:32
  standards of exactly who should be sad and when and how much.
• 30:36
  Step outside the boundaries and they'll be there to scare you
• 30:40
  back to the safe zone. They add that grief policing in
• 30:43
  online spaces is particularly harsh, largely because what is
• 30:47
  considered acceptable varies across communities and
• 30:50
  platforms. Quote Grief Policing illuminates
• 30:53
  conflicting norms around parasocial grief in online
• 30:56
  public spaces, the authors continue.
• 30:58
  The specifics of grief policing give shape to a problem space
• 31:01
  that is, at a deeper level, defined by differing definitions
• 31:05
  of grief and conflicting online norms.
• 31:08
  Part of the reason fans are so protective of this space is
• 31:11
  that, as Patwell continues, they experience a form of
• 31:15
  disenfranchised grief, a genuine sense of loss that isn't always
• 31:19
  recognized as valid because they didn't personally know the
• 31:22
  deceased. In other words, it's crucial for
• 31:25
  these spaces to be understanding and welcoming.
• 31:28
  As a result, social media platforms have become powerful
• 31:31
  hubs where fans and other like minded individuals going through
• 31:35
  similar grief can connect, share their emotions, and perhaps even
• 31:39
  find better ways to cope with their loss.
• 31:41
  To truly understand just how useful social media platforms
• 31:45
  can be, we reached out to Michelle Moriarty.
• 31:47
  Michelle became all too familiar with grief after the sudden loss
• 31:51
  of her partner at the age of 38. Through her grieving process,
• 31:55
  Michelle's mission became to reduce isolation for widowed men
• 31:58
  and women by creating a safe space that is empathetic to the
• 32:03
  of losing a partner. She went on to establish the
• 32:05
  Grief Connect Young Widowed Support Group, A Facebook group
• 32:08
  intended to support young widows through their grieving
• 32:11
  processes, which has since amassed hundreds of members.
• 32:14
  Here is our talk. Thank you so much, Michelle, for
• 32:17
  joining me today. Thank you for having me today,
• 32:20
  Lauren. If you could just give us a
• 32:23
  little bit of a background on who you are and I guess share a
• 32:29
  little bit about what led you to create Grief Connect and kind of
• 32:33
  online grief support groups, that would be really helpful.
• 32:36
  Sure. So I'm a social worker of 20
• 32:40
  years now and I've worked in all sorts of community services,
• 32:46
  working with families and children.
• 32:49
  And when my late partner Nathan died in 2018, I became a young
• 32:56
  widow and I was only 38 years old.
• 33:01
  I'm now 44. I can't believe that.
• 33:04
  But anyway, let's avoid that point.
• 33:06
  So. So I was 38, I had two children,
• 33:10
  my youngest was aged 2. And I had to, was it in the
• 33:15
  hugest period of shock after Nathan died, my late partner and
• 33:21
  I had to reformulate what my life was going to look like and
• 33:26
  had to rebuild my life and who I was from that point.
• 33:33
  So I use my social work skills and I also relied heavily on a
• 33:38
  lot of family, friend and community support.
• 33:42
  And what happened from that point was I founded Grief
• 33:46
  Connect. So the services that I provide
• 33:49
  and have founded are around counselling, which is online,
• 33:53
  the Grief Language Project, which is education and seminars
• 33:57
  around what to do and what to say when we're grieving or if
• 34:01
  we're supporting someone who's grieving.
• 34:04
  And the other key point here is that what came out of my
• 34:08
  experiences was a Founded 2 widowed support group.
• 34:13
  So those are both online Facebook platform groups that I
• 34:17
  have the grief connect young windows support group and also
• 34:21
  the Grief Connect over 50 fives widowed support group.
• 34:25
  Both of these groups are online peer support groups.
• 34:29
  And when I first started and how they all came about was I
• 34:35
  didn't, I had one other widowed person around through, you know,
• 34:40
  that I knew through a friend of a friend.
• 34:43
  And when I was widowed age 38, I didn't have anyone in my
• 34:47
  immediate social circle that was widowed or a young widow
• 34:51
  especially. And I met with this other friend
• 34:54
  of mine who was a young widow and she spent a few hours with
• 34:58
  me. And I realized from that point
• 35:01
  that I needed to connect with other people who had had that
• 35:05
  shared experience of widowhood. And that was despite having lots
• 35:10
  of friend and family and community support.
• 35:13
  And the groups then started with a membership of four and now
• 35:18
  there's over 1400 between two groups.
• 35:21
  But to put things in context, there are over 1,000,000 widowed
• 35:27
  people living across Australia. So there's 1,029,140 two of us
• 35:35
  according to Census 2021 stats. Technically I'm not in that
• 35:40
  statistic anymore because I'm in a de facto relationship and
• 35:44
  we're getting married this year. So but that sort of his contacts
• 35:48
  around how many of us there are out there that have experienced
• 35:52
  widow grief, let alone people that are also grieving from
• 35:55
  missing that same person? Yeah, absolutely.
• 35:59
  So as you know, the purpose of this episode is to explore, you
• 36:04
  know, the value in grieving online and the value in those
• 36:08
  digital support groups. Obviously, given that you have
• 36:11
  founded some of these communities yourself, what role
• 36:13
  do you think digital grief spaces play in helping people
• 36:17
  process loss? It really provides people with
• 36:21
  the opportunity to have a space where they're connecting with
• 36:26
  someone and sometimes it can be anonymously, but other times it
• 36:30
  can be it is within the group and it can be connected with
• 36:34
  other people who get it. So it is that shared sense of
• 36:37
  that similar experience. I mean, we all do grief
• 36:41
  differently and have details that are different, but it is
• 36:44
  around just bringing everyone together.
• 36:46
  And it is almost that me too effect of, oh, me too.
• 36:51
  I get what you're talking about. I understand.
• 36:55
  And here's some things that I've done that have helped or this is
• 36:59
  my story. And when people share their
• 37:01
  stories, it's really helpful to go, oh, OK.
• 37:05
  They have also managed to build resilience through great grief
• 37:11
  and great loss. And also, oh, they tried this
• 37:15
  strategy or oh, they tried this to get through the day.
• 37:19
  And it also can be as simple as this is just really, really
• 37:23
  tough and having that shared acknowledgement is quite often
• 37:27
  where the power is and that therapeutic support that peer
• 37:30
  groups provide online. Absolutely.
• 37:35
  Is there any specific or anything specific that grieving
• 37:40
  online offers that you know kind of traditional or like in person
• 37:45
  support doesn't offer? And do you see any risks
• 37:49
  involved in these online support groups as well?
• 37:53
  Yeah, it certainly is because it it almost well 27247 space,
• 38:01
  everybody else might be in bed and it might be 10:00 PM at
• 38:05
  night. And it can be one of those
• 38:07
  spaces where you can go actually I'm really struggling right now
• 38:10
  or I'm really missing my person. And you can access support at
• 38:15
  various hours, and that can be really helpful.
• 38:21
  One of the risks associated with that, though, is that it can be
• 38:25
  very difficult as an administrator of a group to be
• 38:28
  able to monitor content 24/7, especially when there's only a
• 38:33
  very small amount of people who are also volunteers, to be able
• 38:38
  to help administer and moderate a group.
• 38:43
  It's really also around you. There is potential in terms of
• 38:48
  risk being triggered by somebody else, somebody else's post.
• 38:53
  However also within the groups that I run, there are group
• 38:57
  rules that members must adhere to and agree to.
• 39:01
  So part of that is also for them to be able to have that capacity
• 39:06
  just to scroll along and continue on and not take on
• 39:10
  something that's not helpful. The groups are around learning
• 39:15
  from each other, supporting each other and taking what you need
• 39:19
  and leaving what you don't need or what is unhelpful.
• 39:23
  Amazing. Many people use social media,
• 39:27
  obviously, to post tributes, share memories or simply discuss
• 39:32
  their grief on social media. To some, there have been, I've
• 39:37
  seen we've seen criticisms in our research that people are
• 39:40
  quote UN quote performing grief. What do you say to that
• 39:44
  criticism and what do you think motivates people to grieve
• 39:48
  digitally when it can be such a public forum?
• 39:52
  Yes, so. I had actually looked through
• 39:56
  some of my posts last night after we'd gone through what
• 39:59
  talking about what we're going to talk about today.
• 40:02
  Sorry. So I'd gone through some of my
• 40:03
  posts and one of the things I'd noticed was I had a post not
• 40:07
  long after Nathan had died. And it said Nathan and I didn't
• 40:11
  share our story and photographs often on Facebook because we'd
• 40:15
  made the the joint decision to keep our private lives private.
• 40:20
  However, at the time of his death, it was for me.
• 40:23
  I've written in this post, it's a way for me to share our story
• 40:28
  now and also share and help people understand what a really
• 40:33
  healthy relationship was like. Because he treated me with such
• 40:37
  kindness and respect and he was such a good human.
• 40:41
  And for me that is something that's really was really
• 40:45
  important to share and hope that everyone, even though we're
• 40:49
  missing him, we can all take something really wonderful from
• 40:52
  his life and his being and the way he was and we can
• 40:56
  incorporate that into our life. And I think also from me, it
• 41:00
  certainly, especially in my early days of grieving and
• 41:04
  missing life, it was really around helping me process what
• 41:08
  was going on. Because also in me sharing my
• 41:12
  grief and my hurt and my pain, it meant that I also had really
• 41:18
  a lot of love and support coming in, whether it be, you know, a
• 41:24
  like or a love heart like or comments of support or other
• 41:32
  people. And what I really loved was
• 41:34
  people sharing me their thoughts and their stories about Nathan
• 41:38
  as well, because that for me was important because it meant that
• 41:42
  his life has not ended and everyone's forgotten about him.
• 41:46
  It is also we can still remember and honour our person as we go
• 41:51
  forward, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 41:56
  So it's almost like posting can enrich kind of that healing
• 42:02
  process because you're getting to frequently, like you said,
• 42:05
  share about them, hear other people's stories in a way that
• 42:09
  if pre Internet, because that's obviously what we're exploring
• 42:12
  here is kind of the digitization of grief, right?
• 42:16
  Like pre Internet, you might not get to do that as frequently or
• 42:20
  with as many people. Yeah, absolutely.
• 42:23
  And also just to address your comment around the suggestion
• 42:28
  that people may deem other people who are sharing their
• 42:31
  grief online as performing. I say to those people, be
• 42:37
  thankful that you don't know how painful it is or understand why
• 42:41
  they're sharing what they are sharing because quite often
• 42:45
  people share because there is a real sense of trauma or grief
• 42:51
  occurring. I haven't met anyone along my
• 42:54
  journey yet that do it for attention purely as a selfish
• 42:59
  motive. It is because there is
• 43:01
  underlying hurt and missing their person.
• 43:05
  So again, I think if it comes down to being triggered by
• 43:09
  someone posting their grief and you're not finding it helpful or
• 43:13
  you might think that they're performing, just scroll on and
• 43:17
  move on and allow them to do what they need to do to process.
• 43:20
  Because this day and age, we are living this digital world and
• 43:25
  things are there is quite a lot out there out there that is very
• 43:29
  public. And it really is up to the
• 43:32
  individual, but also bringing it back to the family and the
• 43:36
  family of the individual who has died.
• 43:38
  And it can also be really helpful to be guided by them.
• 43:42
  So if they're not outward people, they're not really
• 43:45
  expressing too much. And if you're a very distant
• 43:48
  person in there, it might not necessarily be appropriate to be
• 43:52
  sharing or posting too much. But it really is an individual
• 43:57
  situation as to how we manage and, and that's how grief is as
• 44:02
  well is how I grieve is going to be very different to how you
• 44:06
  grieve, Lauren, for example. And there's no set right or
• 44:11
  wrong or rules with this. It's really around ensuring that
• 44:16
  we're being compassionate about what we write and being cautious
• 44:21
  around the judgements and opinions that we might form of
• 44:26
  other people's grief. Yeah, I really appreciate how
• 44:31
  you said, you know, we live our lives online.
• 44:34
  That's something that we talk about on this podcast a lot is
• 44:37
  that the concept of Internet culture doesn't really exist
• 44:41
  anymore because Internet culture and just everyday culture, just
• 44:45
  our everyday lives, they are one in the same at this point,
• 44:48
  especially for younger generations.
• 44:50
  So we're living every other element of our lives online.
• 44:52
  Like we post our picture of our coffee every morning, you know,
• 44:55
  So it, it makes total sense. That is something huge that
• 44:59
  happens in your life, whether it be, I don't know, a baby, a
• 45:02
  wedding, grieving. Those are things that probably
• 45:06
  for a lot of people, especially younger people, it feels almost
• 45:09
  inherent to share. Yeah, absolutely.
• 45:12
  And I think also that generational difference, younger
• 45:15
  people are far more using the Internet and social media than
• 45:21
  some of our older generations. However, for example, our over
• 45:26
  50 Fives Windows support group are really engaging and their
• 45:31
  support in that group is just incredible in terms of what
• 45:35
  they're sharing and how they're supporting each other.
• 45:38
  It's a very natural flow that seems to happen in there.
• 45:41
  So yeah, it's, it's it's really is incredible to be a part of.
• 45:47
  Well, Speaking of that, I'm interested to hear about the
• 45:50
  kind of unique digital customs that emerge in digital grief.
• 45:55
  For example, it feels like there is kind of, you know, this
• 45:58
  expectation to post your grief when someone passes away.
• 46:02
  But then there's also this expectation from the user that
• 46:06
  like the like a someone who follows you, for example, that
• 46:09
  you know, oh, if they haven't posted about their grief or
• 46:14
  about, you know, this event, whether it be a celebrity,
• 46:17
  someone in your life, where did they really care about that
• 46:20
  person? Why haven't they posted?
• 46:22
  There's a lot of, like, I don't know, there's a lot of
• 46:24
  interesting kind of like dynamics that happen now with
• 46:28
  social media and especially around public figures when they
• 46:32
  pass away, which is part of this episode as well that we're going
• 46:34
  to be exploring. How do you think that these
• 46:37
  practices are shaping the way that people experience loss?
• 46:41
  Well, I think and again, again, it comes back to how
• 46:44
  individually, how we process grief in such a unique way.
• 46:50
  So the, the media also has an impact here in terms of the
• 46:57
  information that they share publicly because sometimes and
• 47:02
  quite often, and it's happened recently in my community,
• 47:04
  there's been, you know, incredibly tragic death and then
• 47:09
  details that almost demonize their death.
• 47:13
  And it, it really creates a sense of disenfranchised grief
• 47:18
  where people's grief is not acknowledged because of other
• 47:23
  factors. So it can be quite damaging when
• 47:28
  that happens. It really is again, about being
• 47:33
  sensitive and compassionate about what information and how
• 47:38
  it is portrayed in social media and also who is portraying it,
• 47:43
  You know, what's their purpose? Because media's purpose is going
• 47:46
  to be different from someone that's newly widowed, for
• 47:49
  example, or someone that's just lost their child.
• 47:53
  So there's different, there's sort of different dynamics when
• 47:57
  it comes to the different ways that social media is actually
• 48:01
  promoting death or talking about death in that regard.
• 48:07
  And again, it comes down to we're all individual.
• 48:10
  So if it comes to personal grief and how we're managing, there is
• 48:15
  no right or wrong way to do that necessarily.
• 48:19
  I mean, of course we think about what's safe and making sure that
• 48:23
  the person's psychologically safe for the the information
• 48:27
  that's shared is still safe for other people also to be exposed
• 48:33
  to. Absolutely.
• 48:36
  Do you have any insights? I know this is not your area of
• 48:39
  expertise necessarily, but do you have any insight into the
• 48:42
  parasocial elements of all of this when it comes to
• 48:45
  celebrities and how fans might feel pressured to express their
• 48:49
  grief online when a celebrity passes away?
• 48:52
  Well, I can speak from my own experience, you know, watching
• 48:57
  celebrities pass and depending on the situation of their death,
• 49:03
  which quite often is described in detail and far more detail
• 49:06
  than probably somewhat their families or friends or that that
• 49:10
  person themselves would actually want described.
• 49:13
  It can be either triggering or it can also bring out a huge
• 49:18
  sense of compassion. And it can also bring out that,
• 49:21
  oh, that is tragic. It's you know, me too.
• 49:24
  I get that. And you want to that altruistic
• 49:28
  part of us can want to help. And of course, we don't have
• 49:31
  access to celebrities or, you know, their media promotion
• 49:37
  people either. So it can be a way of being able
• 49:40
  to express that genuine human compassion that quite often we
• 49:44
  all have inherently in us as human beings.
• 49:48
  Yeah, for sure. And I think as someone who has
• 49:51
  followed different celebrities or influencers that have passed
• 49:54
  away, and I felt very affected by some of them.
• 49:58
  I, it, it is interesting because with that parasocial element, I
• 50:02
  recognize like consciously that I don't know these people.
• 50:05
  But because I've consumed so much of their content over the
• 50:08
  years, I feel like I do. It's like my, it's like my
• 50:11
  emotional side doesn't, can't reconcile with the fact that I
• 50:14
  don't actually know them, even though my brain knows that I
• 50:16
  don't know them. And so you still feel very
• 50:18
  impacted, as if it's someone that you, you know, like knew in
• 50:22
  your real life, maybe not intimately, but you someone that
• 50:24
  you did know. And it is absolutely, in my
• 50:28
  opinion, a form of grief. Oh, absolutely.
• 50:31
  It's a form of grief and grief takes many forms.
• 50:35
  So grief is very transferable to different situations.
• 50:39
  And it's wonderful that we're all talking about it more now,
• 50:42
  because quite often we'd be going well that they might be
• 50:45
  feeling anxious or depression. We'd be talking about the
• 50:48
  conditions that are associated with grief, but we're not
• 50:50
  actually addressing the, the causal factor, you know, the
• 50:54
  grief is the loss of. So if we've been following
• 50:57
  someone for 20 years as a celebrity and we know them
• 51:02
  really well, or, you know, it could be less than that, of
• 51:04
  course. But if we really are really
• 51:06
  connecting to them and then they die, of course there's going to
• 51:10
  be a grief attached to that. And because it is the loss of
• 51:14
  the reason, you might like following them or they might be
• 51:18
  giving you hope, or you just might think that they're funny
• 51:20
  or, you know, and suddenly that that's not able to be a part of
• 51:24
  your life. So yeah, absolutely.
• 51:26
  Grief is is associated with celebrity loss and it is one of
• 51:32
  those things within the widow support groups as well that can
• 51:34
  come up is that that can a topic around the death of a celebrity
• 51:40
  can be discussed. Yeah, absolutely.
• 51:43
  It's like the loss of if it's someone who's, you know, YouTube
• 51:46
  videos I watched once a week, it's like a loss of that person
• 51:49
  that I in theory saw once a week, you know, that I
• 51:52
  interacted with, even if it was one sided once a week for sure.
• 51:56
  Are there any misconceptions about grieving online that you
• 51:59
  wish more people understood? Yes.
• 52:03
  I One of the biggest things that comes up for me and when I'm
• 52:08
  working with widowed people in particular is around statements
• 52:13
  that are made to them. Oh, you're still grieving?
• 52:17
  Oh, you haven't moved on. You need to move on.
• 52:21
  There is this conception in in society that grief is something
• 52:28
  where there is a start and an end point, and it's something
• 52:33
  that we can move on from. And the reality with this is
• 52:37
  that grief is a lifelong experience and we're going to
• 52:42
  miss our person for as long as we're going to be alive.
• 52:46
  And what it is about is how we manage our grief because grief
• 52:51
  can move and change with time. So it is, you know, if only it
• 52:58
  was as easy as, oh, you're going to grief for 12 months and then
• 53:00
  you're going to get over it. It just doesn't work like that.
• 53:04
  So what time can do is help lighten grief.
• 53:11
  So the heaviness and the brain fog and the overwhelmed that our
• 53:18
  brains can experience from trauma responses and going to
• 53:22
  survival, those can ease over time.
• 53:26
  I mean, I'm a classic example of that in terms of I'm 6 1/2 years
• 53:30
  widow, just over that now. And for a long time after Nathan
• 53:35
  died, my brain functioning was really affected.
• 53:39
  So I couldn't, I couldn't remember as clearly, I couldn't
• 53:43
  concentrate. I was really overwhelmed.
• 53:46
  You know, sleep was impacted, a lot of trauma responses and I
• 53:50
  really was in survival mode for such a long time.
• 53:53
  And but, you know, comparing me now to those times and the years
• 53:59
  before all the cognitive functioning returns, our brains
• 54:03
  are incredible in that they can have that there's
• 54:05
  neuroplasticity. So the brain functioning can
• 54:09
  start for me again and we can return back to function at a
• 54:13
  higher level again. Absolutely.
• 54:15
  And then the last question that I have for you is looking ahead,
• 54:19
  how do you see online grief expression or online grief
• 54:24
  support evolving? I can only see it continuing to
• 54:27
  expand and develop. The main key point here for me
• 54:32
  is around that acknowledgement from funding sources from
• 54:35
  government that funding needs to be put into appropriate
• 54:40
  professionally run peer support groups.
• 54:43
  So I'm a social worker, so I abide by the Australian
• 54:46
  Association of Social Workers Code of Ethics and that's the
• 54:49
  way that the standards are within the Grief Connect.
• 54:53
  We don't support groups. However, this is not
• 54:56
  necessarily, I mean, of course there's so many different types
• 54:59
  of peer support groups out there that that can be difficult.
• 55:02
  However, for me to be able to continue and be able to have
• 55:08
  additional supports in professional standards need to
• 55:11
  be met and that of course requires funding.
• 55:14
  So having that greater acknowledgement about how
• 55:18
  incredibly therapeutic and powerful PS support groups and
• 55:23
  online PS support groups can be, that is really going to be
• 55:26
  important as we move forward in in having that acknowledgement
• 55:30
  and having services funded appropriately.
• 55:32
  Thank you so much, Michelle. This was great.
• 55:35
  Thank you. Thanks for having me.
• 55:37
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 55:39
  Where can people find you? Do you have like public socials
• 55:42
  and stuff? Sure.
• 55:44
  So Grief Connect Facebook page, you can head to my website,
• 55:48
  griefconnect.com dot AU, head over to events.
• 55:52
  I've got some upcoming seminars in Perth on the 16th of March
• 55:56
  that are for people who are experiencing grief and also for
• 55:59
  people who are supporting someone who's grieving.
• 56:02
  And if you would like to pick up a deck of the Grief Language
• 56:05
  Project Connect cards, which are 50 cards of helpful guidance
• 56:10
  that you can flick through. They'll fit into your handbag
• 56:13
  and they are cards that help you know what to say and what to do
• 56:17
  to support your grieving friend. All available on my website.
• 56:22
  Thank you so much, Michelle. This was great.
• 56:25
  Thank you, Lauren. While it's clear that social
• 56:28
  media platforms can offer a sense of community for people
• 56:31
  who are experiencing grief, these platforms have a
• 56:33
  responsibility to handle the death of a user with sensitivity
• 56:37
  and care. Social media platforms have
• 56:39
  instituted various rules and regulations around death, most
• 56:43
  of them relating to personal profiles as opposed to public
• 56:46
  figures. Facebook and Instagram both have
• 56:49
  the ability to memorialize profiles of people who have
• 56:52
  passed away. In these cases, profiles are
• 56:54
  essentially frozen, with posts still visible with a remembering
• 56:58
  tab on the page. X is a little bit different,
• 57:01
  where the platform is less receptive to dormant users.
• 57:05
  In 2023, for instance, Elon Musk announced that X would be quote
• 57:09
  purging accounts that have had no activity at all for several
• 57:12
  years. Many X users were quick to speak
• 57:15
  out against the decision, upset at the prospect of deceased
• 57:18
  people losing their presence on the platform.
• 57:21
  Whether this was an account belonging to a public figure, a
• 57:23
  family member or friend, many users visit these profiles as a
• 57:27
  source of comfort. Unfortunately though, X doesn't
• 57:30
  have a policy to memorialize profiles, but accounts of the
• 57:34
  deceased can be deactivated after contacting X
• 57:37
  administrative team. It's becoming increasingly
• 57:40
  common for celebrities and Internet users alike to consider
• 57:43
  what happens to their accounts after they pass away.
• 57:46
  One article from The Economist published last year dives into
• 57:50
  this very question. The author uses research by
• 57:52
  political scientist Karl Omen to explore how, in this day and
• 57:56
  age, data outlives us. We're generating more data than
• 57:59
  ever, from social media to online banking records.
• 58:02
  But quote, unlike bodies, data do not decay.
• 58:06
  While this may seem scary, there's no denying that the
• 58:09
  digital world has transformed how many of us perceive and
• 58:13
  interact with death. According to Omen, the modern
• 58:16
  world has become quote post mortal.
• 58:18
  The digital era has reshaped humans relationship with the
• 58:21
  dead, as anyone whose Facebook account has reminded them to say
• 58:25
  happy birthday to a late family member can attest, the article
• 58:28
  reads. That sort of reminder would
• 58:30
  probably never have happened before social media because
• 58:34
  everyone who knew that person's birthday also would have known
• 58:36
  that he was dead. However, as AI continues to
• 58:39
  advance, there are more technologies aimed at helping
• 58:43
  people feel connected to friends or family who have passed away.
• 58:46
  The author highlights a couple of examples, such as AI GI
• 58:49
  startups that have created chat bots capable of mimicking the
• 58:52
  speech patterns of deceased individuals.
• 58:55
  Resulting from these developments, Omen grapples with
• 58:58
  questions about the ownership of a person's data.
• 59:01
  After someone passes away. Who should have control over
• 59:04
  their digital footprint? What should family members do
• 59:07
  with their social media presence and other digital accounts?
• 59:10
  With these questions in mind, social media wills have become
• 59:14
  increasingly common. In an article for The Atlantic
• 59:17
  from 2012, Rebecca J Rosen noted that the United States
• 59:20
  government was encouraging Americans to include quote, a
• 59:23
  statement of how you would like your online identity to be
• 59:26
  handled as part of estate planning.
• 59:28
  Various companies have been established to help social media
• 59:31
  users with this pursuit, as well as how they want their social
• 59:34
  media accounts to be used after their passing.
• 59:37
  One such example is Dead Social, a service that allows people to
• 59:41
  prepare their quote digital legacy.
• 59:44
  Among a number of other features, Dead Social allows
• 59:47
  users to essentially schedule posts after their death.
• 59:50
  As explained in a Medium essay covering the platform quote, you
• 59:53
  can leave specific messages for loved ones on birthdays and
• 59:56
  anniversaries, or post status updates and photos after you
• 1:00:00
  die. Your assigned executor will
• 1:00:02
  activate the messages once they feel your loved ones are
• 1:00:05
  prepared to view them. While companies like Dead Social
• 1:00:09
  may offer comfort for those grieving, it raises an important
• 1:00:12
  question. Should the digital space be
• 1:00:14
  profiting from death in this way?
• 1:00:17
  This question extends to mainstream social.
• 1:00:19
  Media platforms which continue to capitalize on the presence of
• 1:00:23
  regular users, creators, and celebrities who have passed
• 1:00:26
  away. Looking back at Liam Payne's
• 1:00:28
  death, many users noticed an uptick in his videos appearing
• 1:00:32
  on their For You page in the days following his passing.
• 1:00:35
  This was presumably because of the increased engagement with
• 1:00:38
  Liam's content, where the algorithm caught on and quickly
• 1:00:41
  pushed out his videos, but it also meant that many users were
• 1:00:45
  unexpectedly confronted with this content, whether they
• 1:00:48
  wanted to be or not. Though there wasn't necessarily
• 1:00:51
  direct financial gain for TikTok, the platform still
• 1:00:54
  benefited from the surge and engagement, raising ethical
• 1:00:57
  concerns about how social media algorithms handle grief and
• 1:01:00
  loss. Overall, the conversations
• 1:01:02
  around grief, bereavement, and death online are still
• 1:01:06
  relatively new, and while they can be grim, they are also
• 1:01:09
  necessary. It's clear how social media has
• 1:01:12
  reshaped how we mourn, but at the same time, it has introduced
• 1:01:15
  new challenges, from the policing of grief within fandoms
• 1:01:19
  to the ethical concerns surrounding the monetization of
• 1:01:23
  digital mourning. As more public figures,
• 1:01:25
  influencers, and everyday users pass away with an extensive
• 1:01:30
  online footprint, the way we handle death online will only
• 1:01:34
  become more important. While we are still establishing
• 1:01:37
  specific processes and regulations, one thing is clear.
• 1:01:41
  Grief in the digital age is evolving, and our understanding
• 1:01:45
  of it must evolve too. Infinite Scroll is a podcast
• 1:01:49
  produced, presented and Co written by me Lauren Meisner for
• 1:01:53
  Centennial World. This episode was researched and
• 1:01:55
  Co written by Annabelle Ben David and Co researched and
• 1:01:58
  edited by Danny Fennick. Thank you so much for listening.
• 1:02:02
  I love you guys and I will talk to you next week.
• 1:02:04
  Bye.