Latest / Jo Watson: Unfiltered Faith / Childhood Trauma: From hurt to healing
Transcript
- Jo Watson: Welcome back to Unfiltered Faith. I'm Joel Watson, and it's time to breathe. Time to slow down. Time to let your shoulders drop and time to step into the sanctuary. Not the sanctuary that we're all so familiar with, but the one that God is building inside you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Today we're stepping into a conversation that sits close to the bone for so many people. The kind of story that doesn't begin with a single moment, but with an atmosphere, an atmosphere of fear, an atmosphere of unpredictability, an atmosphere that shapes a child long before they understand what shaping even means. Some of us grew up in homes where danger wasn't loud, it was subtle. It lived in footsteps and It lived in slam doors and in the ways someone's face could change in an instant. And when fear becomes the atmosphere, it becomes the teacher. It becomes the lens through which we learn to love, to be loved, safety and our identity. But here's the truth we're holding on to today. Fear may have formed your reflexes and But it does not get to form your destiny. In this episode, we're reading a letter from Sarah, a woman who grew up in a house where fear trained her nervous system. It shaped her relationships and still tries to dictate her adult life. Her story is tender, honest, and painfully familiar for many. So take a breath, settle in. Because we are family, this is unfiltered faith, so let's go. This letter is from Sarah, a woman who grew up in a house where fear wasn't an event, it was an atmosphere. If you've ever lived in a home where you had to study faces, predict storms, or shrink yourself to survive, this episode is for you too. Sarah writes I learned to listen for danger before I learned to spell my own name. In my house, fear lived in the pauses between footsteps and the way a door could slam without warning. I grew up studying faces the way other kids studied cartoons, always watching for the slightest shift that meant run or hide or go quiet, quiet enough to disappear. By the time I was ten, my body was a map of reflexes. My fear trained me well. Now as an adult, that fear makes me feel like love is conditional, like silence is what's needed for survival, and I feel responsible for everyone's moods. Even though I know better in my mind, my heart still feel crippled by the toxic environment I grew up in. What can I do to get over this? It's affecting my job and my relationships. I want to love without fear, and I want to stop feeling like I'm always responsible for other people. I want to be in relationship with family or friends without always finding myself being the caretaker of everyone's emotions. Please help. Thank you, Sarah, for sending your letter. And thank you for trusting us with this. Let's breathe together and step into this with scripture, truth, and compassion. Sarah, what you described is what some psychologists call hypervigilance, but Scripture described it long before psychology did. This is the way the scripture describes it in Psalms fifty five, verse five. It says fear and trembling have beset me. Horror has overwhelmed me. Fear overwhelms. Fear trains. And fear teaches. But fear is a terrible teacher because it teaches lies. Fear teaches us that love is conditional. It teaches us that silence keeps us safe. And fear teaches us that you are responsible for everyone's emotions. Those lies were formed in childhood, but they're still speaking in adulthood. The good news is that God confronts lies with truth. The fear you grew up with wasn't the reverence of the Lord kind of fear, it was the fear that comes from broken people and broken environments. And Scripture speaks directly to that. First, Scripture tells us that God sees fear that comes from mistreatment. Psalms thirty four four says, I sought the Lord and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. It doesn't say some of my fears, it doesn't say He delivers me from the easy ones of my fears, but it says that the Lord delivered me from all. All of my fears. Secondly, God does not blame you for the reflexes you learned in survival. Psalms fifty six eight says you have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. God keeps record of every night your shoulders tightened, every breath you held, every tear you swallowed. Third, God rebuilds what Fear damaged. Isaiah sixty one three says to give them beauty for ashes, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Fear created ashes. God creates beauty. Sarah, you said that love feels conditional. Silence feels safer than honesty. You feel responsible for everyone's moods. Your job and relationships are affected. These are not the character flaws. These are survival strategies that outlived the danger. Your nervous system learned patterns that your spirit no longer needs. And healing is not about getting over it. Healing is about retraining the body, renewing the mind, and restoring the heart. Romans 12:2 says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Transformation is a process. Renewing is a process. You are not behind. You are not broken, you are healing. Here are some things that may help you. One, name the fear when it shows up. Fear loses power when it's identified. Say to yourself, these reactions are old. It is not who I am now. Two. Practice safe relationships. Healing happens in environments where voices stay calm, love isn't withdrawn, where you're allowed to disagree, and you're not responsible for someone else's emotions. This is how your nervous system learns a new normal. That may even mean looking at the relationships you are in now. Number three. Invite God into the places fear still lives. Psalms twenty seven one says The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? Not a command, but a reminder. four, seek support, not because you're weak, but because you are rebuilding. A therapist, pastor, or trusted friend can help you untangle the reflexes fear created. Five. Practice truth over lies. Fear taught. Fear says love is conditional. God's truth says I have loved you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah thirty one three. Fear says silence keeps you safe. God's truth says let the redeemed of the Lord say so. Psalms one hundred seven two. Fear says you You're responsible for everyone's moods. God's truth says each will bear their own load Galatians six five. You are not responsible for the emotional weather of others. Sarah, you survived a childhood that taught fear, but you are now living a life where God is teaching you freedom. You are not Behind, you are not broken, you are not too damaged to heal. You are learning safety, you are learning truth, you are learning love without fear. And God is patient with every step. Philippians 1 6 says, He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. Your story is not defined by the house you grew up in. Your story is defined by the God who is rebuilding you now. Let's pray. Father, we lift up every heart that learned fear before it learned safety. Every child who grew up studying danger instead of joy. Every adult still carrying reflexes they never asked for. God, breathe peace into the places where fear once lived. Teach our bodies what safety feels like. Teach our minds what truth sounds like. Teach our hearts that love is not conditional and we are not responsible for the storms of others. Surround Sarah and everyone like her with your gentleness. Let your perfect love drive out the fear that has lingered too long, and let healing rise slowly, steadily, like morning light. We trust you with the parts of us that are still trembling, and we thank you for the freedom you are already forming. In Christ Jesus' name, amen. As we close today, I want to speak directly to every Sarah listening, every person who grew up in a house where fear was the atmosphere, not the exception. You are not weak for still feeling the echoes of what shaped you. You are human and you are healing. Fear may have written the early chapters of your story, but it does not get to write the ending. God is not intimidated by the reflexes you learned in survival. He is patient with the places you're still unlearning. And he is faithful to finish the work he has started in you. So as you step back into your day, carry this with you. You are allowed to feel safe. You are allowed to speak. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to heal, and you are held fully, gently, completely by a God who rebuilds what fear tried to break. Until next time, family, unfiltered faith, God is moving, so stay ready and to God be.