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when your partner feels too negative · Beauty In Positivity

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Alyssa Skinner.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I became a six-figure entrepreneur in my first year of business after moving across the country.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I used all of the mindset shifts and perspective shifts that I share in this podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I also have built academies that share all of the deep inner work on how to achieve your dream life, the same exact way I did.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I started a series about relationships.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: The first one I did, I believe the title was something with coworkers, working with coworkers that you don't get along with and how to go about that.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're gonna talk about your spouse because I know that's the top two popular relationship troubles when people start a spiritual journey.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people ask how to remain positive around someone, a lot of times their spouse, who has a lackedful mindset or puts no effort into being positive.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people struggle when you start this journey.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: You tend to feel like the energy of those around you, predominantly those closest to you, and they don't believe the things that you're working on are negative, right?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or they're like, oh my gosh, all that is BS, you know, and they bring you down.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: How do you stay up?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: How do you stay in your vibration, in your positive mindset?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because these people that we feel this around, they don't really believe you can attract abundance out of thin air.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: They don't believe you get to create your reality.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: They think life is hard whether you like it or not, so you might as well accept it now, right?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, it's easy to feel good when you're alone, right?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's no outside influences, you can stay positive and joyful all by yourself.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to feel good when everything is going right, when everything is perfect exactly how you like it.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: When we have control over our environment, it naturally makes us high vibrational.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's easier to be positive, it's easier to have that wonderful outlook on life and that we're attracting great things.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm telling you, if you are only positive when things are going right, that's not going to serve you in life.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to understand how liberating it is to actually learn that you can still be that around the people that don't think and feel the same way as you.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You still have the same ability to feel good in any situation.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even when the people around you don't have the same intention of being positive, they don't care to stay in a high vibrational state, they probably don't even know what that means yet.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're all on our own journey at our own pace.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I would argue it's easier to learn and direct your energy and focus around people that make it harder.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because only then does it make you stronger and mentally, and it gives you that stronger baseline vibration that you desire to have, that you have when you are alone.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, it's uncomfortable.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Only because you're growing do you feel uncomfortable.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Succeeding doesn't really teach us anything.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Failure teaches everything that you need to know to get success.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Failure gets us to success.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you succeeded at everything the first time, you would learn nothing.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's cliche, but including the appreciation of it, you wouldn't even know how to hold it, and you definitely wouldn't know how to help others achieve it because you don't know the path to get there.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So some of us are born with gifts.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us do fulfill our purpose in life already.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: We found it naturally, you're you were good at it the first time.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking more about building something you care about, creating something you care about, like a business, or even achieving financial freedom, or working for yourself, something, a challenging path in life, those things will bring you success through failure, through trial and error, through obstacles, through challenges.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I guarantee if you look at some of the things you love that you used to desire so badly in life, that you now obtain, how hard was the path to achieve that?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Think about everything you went through to get it, to become it.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Only in those low moments do we finally feel high because now we know what it feels like to get to the top.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So when people feel negative, you have to accept that you cannot train them how to think and feel, and they don't want you to, and you are gonna feel more negative if you try to.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: When you become so strong in your mindset and your vibration, those lackful mindset people eventually fall off, anyways, because you're no longer a vibrational match.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: You will slowly start to see these people fall out of your life anyway.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you from first hand experience.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just ignore if you hear my dog barking.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: They say it is lonely at the top for a reason.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say for multiple reasons.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's lonely at the top because most people don't want to put in the work and the time to get to the top to their dreams.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's lonely at the top because they don't believe they can achieve whatever they want.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Their limiting beliefs hold them back.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's lonely at the top because so many people succumb to the vibration of life is hard.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember these t-shirts being popular saying life's a bitch and then you die.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's funny, but like really that's the life you want to live while you're here.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have a sense of humor, but like I don't subscribe to that.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So the people that put effort into having and maintaining a high vibration find themselves in fewer and fewer groups because all everyone else has slowly fallen off of your path because you are vibrating so high.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this, it's easy to fall in the ego, okay?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to fall in the spiritual ego, being like, oh, I'm better than everyone, my vi I get it, and they don't, and don't fall to that, don't succumb to that.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stay humble and always turn around and help the person behind you if it's needed, if they ask.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when you find yourself in an experience or feeling like you're in a positive mood, you're feeling high vibrational, and suddenly you're around someone in life, whether that's at home or work, doesn't matter, they feel very low vibrationally, very negative, very pessimistic, whatever it is, that's kind of killing your vibe.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, I wasn't vibrating at that, we were not in a vibrational match.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why are these people still in my experience?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Million dollar question.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Life is always a mirror, okay?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even when you feel like it wasn't you, it is mirroring you always.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people don't like this answer, but you're still gonna get exactly what you expect.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you are positive, even if you've worked on your mindset for 10 years, it doesn't matter.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the law of assumption.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you assume that you're always vibrating higher than others, you will continue to experience moments in life that prove exactly that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: You'll always look around and feel no one gets me, no one gets it, no one understands.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I always the positive one in the group?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because you expect that, you assume that will always be.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: You look around and you think I'm always the one trying to stay positive, and that's what you tell yourself, and that's what it life continues to bring you.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that brings me to my previous point around those people being around types, those types of people with a pessimistic view on life, whatever it is.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as you accept it, as soon as you stay strong in your mindset, your vibration, your intention, my favorite affirmation by the way, is observe, don't absorb.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can affirm this to yourself in these moments.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's very helpful to keep a high vibe mindset around those who don't have that same intention.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: So only in those situations can you strengthen your vibration and create a new concrete baseline.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: You do not allow others to bring your vibration down, you do not allow others to dim your positive light, your optimistic outlook on life.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: You simply observe, you don't absorb.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Withdraw your attention from the negativity and put your attention upon positive outs aspects in life.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Any aspect in life doesn't matter.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to dig and unscramble and solve every single thought.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just drop it.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to heal every little thing, you simply unsubscribe.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: You just drop it.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: You say, I'm done with that thought, and you think something totally different that makes you feel good.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to figure it out every single time.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: You just say, Okay, I'm done with that, and you think of something else because this cuts off the energetic connection between you and that negative thought.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: You literally take energetic scissors and you cut that energetic line coming from you to this negative thought.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just imagine that visual for a second.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You create a new energetic connection between you and positive things when you choose a happy thought.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a memory, it can be a future experience, anything that makes you feel good.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you change your focus to.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: You simply pivot, and that will snowball into the next thing that makes you feel good.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then it will continue to make you feel good until you actually feel good and you're no longer attempting to feel good.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Every single thought snowballs.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Every single thought will lead to the next thought of that same vibration.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how we have arguments with ourselves in the shower.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So you just unsubscribe and you say I'm done with that thought.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I've told you many times, you create your story.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: You are the writer, you are the main character.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I did another episode on this about creating the characters in your life or rewriting the characters in your life, something like that.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's in my previous podcast episodes.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And even on social media, people are talking about this.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think they call it NPCs.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel old.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm not sure.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But that sounds familiar.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's non-physical characters, I'm not sure.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: But you have the power to evoke from others the exact relationship you desire, but you cannot keep fulfilling the old prophecy of getting what you expect based on your past experience with them, based on your past relationship with them.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't want that, stop expecting it, stop looking for it, stop waiting for the confirmation.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning, if you assume the character in your life, the relationship in your life that you want to change is going to remain the same because it's their fault and they'll never change, and it would be better if they did this.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna get exactly that.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have to stop focusing, expecting, and creating the same path in life, the same relationship, the same experience.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Life is always mirroring you.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are getting what you are expecting, even when it's deep down, even when you don't think you are doing it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: You have to remember your power.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is your movie.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: You write the character, so start expecting a different situation and only give your attention to that outcome.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I've practiced everything I share here.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: None of this is new for me, and I share it because I've learned it and I believe it because it has worked.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, once upon a time, I started with this practice, specifically in my relationship, because at one point I did feel I was the only one trying to remain optimistic and positive and confident our dream life was coming.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Men especially tend to fall a little bit more into the physical 3D than we do.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think that's women have more comfort in reaching into the spiritual realm to to create our reality, right?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just masculine and feminine energy.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bad, it's not right, it's not wrong.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: It just is.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a pattern in life, but there are plenty of people that prove that pattern wrong.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, men tend to be a little more pessimistic.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: They get kind of wrapped around in politics and they think the world is the way it is, and we don't get to create our reality.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's la la land, that's woo-woo.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can use this practice to expect different responses from your partner, and just be prepared.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: You might be disappointed the first time, maybe the third time, maybe the fourth time, but hopefully not.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: But if you do, it is because you still deep down expect that same response.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Deep down you don't believe they will change.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Deep down you don't believe you have power over that.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Deep down you still believe you're gonna get the same response.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to keep at it.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Only with repetition does your life change.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: With everything.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have done this.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Repetition changes everything.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot do it once and say it didn't work.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So just to be transparent, we used to have way more arguments, I guess you could call it, in the past, because I was a little too spiritual for everyone, right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: They I was the one who lived in La La Land.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: My family said it, my partner said it, etc.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: My co-worker said it.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to, it feels like you're lying to yourself, but you have to pretend to not see the reality just for a little bit.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: You have to only give your attention to the outcome you want.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that then it will begin to work.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: It always does.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I did not give up, I did not leave my partner.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I kept going, I kept expecting something different, I kept expecting a closer connection, positive conversations.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I kept expecting us to connect on the same vision that we were both worthy of this dream life, etc.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: etc.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm proud to say I am in that exact marriage.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Two years ago, maybe it would have been a disagreement, but today we both talk about the same vision, we manifest together, we believe in energy together.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot just assign the poor relationship to your partner.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can't.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not them.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is both of you.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Although you may be physically putting in all this effort and watching your tone and being patient, but you're still expecting them to be the character you expect them to be.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to give it time, give it effort.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You will eventually meet each other at the same level.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And whatever emotion we are feeling, we are constantly commanding to the 3D world.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Our feelings create a butterfly effect with whatever emotion we are feeling.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So behave in a way you want your partner to behave in.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: They will come up to your level.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do not come down to their level.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: They will, whether this is a partner, a friend, they will let them come up to you.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is still their free will to do so, but you can expect them to and both co-create that reality together.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: You are still in your own reality.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: You still get to choose the characters in your reality.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: So don't try to force your beliefs onto them because that will push them away, that will make them feel like they're not good enough, and that turns them away because it feels forceful.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: We are human, we all run away from forceful energy.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: You must simply be it for yourself, and that is it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ignore any reaction, any response that doesn't make you feel good from your partner, because only that is telling the universe, I don't accept, I don't accept this response, I don't accept this reaction.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: You continue to accept or to expect a different response from them.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is you telling the universe, this is what I am creating, not the past, not the past reactions, not the past relationship, this is my relationship now.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: You are creating a new reality because you are the commander.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, small disclaimer, I think this is obvious, but if you are in an abusive relationship, please do not use this.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is simply for partners trying to reach a goal who may be on different paths.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is for someone on a spiritual journey who feels understood by their partner.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: So please seek professional help and advice if that is your situation.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am in no way, shape, or form saying to ignore any form of abuse.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you want to train yourself to stay in alignment with your own perspective because in those uncomfortable situations you learn how to tap into your energy even deeper and you create a new baseline of positive expectation in your life.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You become living, breathing positive expectation, and life only starts to give you that.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: You'll slowly stop experiencing the responses and reactions that bother you, that feel negative, that bring you down.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: And at rest, your vibration will be this.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: You will no longer have to put effort, you will no longer have to do this work.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do this work anymore.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: My relationship just is, and it's amazing.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I shared our broken pipe story.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: That was very difficult for my very masculine husband to not freak out and be like, this is gonna be so effing expensive.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I want special treatment.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: We deserve special treatment and we are not paying$30,000.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he heard me.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I expected in a marriage where I feel heard and I feel seen.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: You give it time.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, two years ago, different story.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Give it time.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I also want to be real and talk about this.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Growth is okay.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: It is common to find new preferences in a partner when you begin this journey.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning you tend to want someone different when you you tend to want a different partner when you start these practices, when you become this version of yourself.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: You want someone with different attributes, a different mindset, a different vibration, different energy to be around.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can honor that.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: That is allowed.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to outgrow people, you are allowed to outgrow jobs, you are allowed to outgrow cities.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: It is an honor to outgrow things.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can love them, appreciate them because they were a part of your journey.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And at one point, those things and those people were in perfect alignment with who you were.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: You attracted that beautiful chapter as well.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: So appreciate it, honor it for getting it here to where you are now.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if you find yourself wanting more, allow yourself to want more.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do not come down to a lower vibration just to keep life comfortable.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, only when you are uncomfortable you are growing.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's tangible evidence that you are growing.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I do want to say your partner can absolutely become your dream partner if that's what you put your focus into, if that's what you decide will be.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's your story.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know in the comments what you thought.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you would like me to talk about next.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: This was a number two in my series talking about relationships.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: My first episode was um working with coworkers and how to handle that relationship.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know what you'd like to hear next.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, my academies ongoing deeping into erasing your subconscious beliefs and rewriting your new beliefs, rewriting your new identity is always in my bio at GorgeousByalyssa.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: And my podcast is always dipping the toes in the water to learn and practice this mindset, to learn how to pivot before you dive very deep into the difficult work that will change your life.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, all of that is in my Light and Babe Academy.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have a couple other academies as well in my bio.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm sending you so much love and success.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.