Latest / Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility / Creating Collaborative Magic: How to Build Partnerships with Any Crowd

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Creating Collaborative Magic: How to Build Partnerships with Any Crowd · Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility

• 0:07
  Hello, this is Elaine Williams was captivate the mic.
• 0:10
  Please forgive my, my voice, but I was committed to honoring my schedule and dropping this.
• 0:17
  I'm so happy that you're here.
• 0:18
  This is.
• 0:19
  An episode about creating collaboration with any audience.
• 0:24
  And I learned this from doing standup comedy in New York city and improv.
• 0:30
  I find what happens a lot of times speakers get nervous about the audience.
• 0:35
  They put them on a pedestal.
• 0:38
  And instead of creating, Hey, we're in this together.
• 0:41
  So we might as well have some fun, whatever the topic is going to be.
• 0:45
  It can be a super serious topic and you can still create partnership because here's the deal.
• 0:51
  When you're speaking, the audience wants you to be good and you want the audience to have fun and be leaning in because that makes you a better speaker.
• 1:01
  And a lot of times the audience doesn't know that.
• 1:04
  And one of the things I work with my clients and students on is when you can create partnership.
• 1:11
  It goes so far and it can really make the whole experience.
• 1:15
  Next level.
• 1:17
  I hope that you like this episode.
• 1:18
  I can't wait to hear what you think about it.
• 1:21
  I know it was really a life-changing thing for me on my journey towards being a pro speaker.
• 1:28
  I can't wait to see you on the screen or stage soon.
• 1:34
  Hello, this is Elaine Williams with Captivate the Mic, and I am coming to you live from Denver, Colorado, I wanted to talk today about creating partnership with your audience.
• 1:48
  I know that when I first started doing standup, I was terrified, how do you get to be better as a comedian?
• 1:53
  You get on stage in front of other humans and you try to make them laugh.
• 1:58
  And so you need an audience.
• 1:59
  And so I started producing my own show right away.
• 2:03
  And then I have to stand outside and beg people to come in and sit down and buy drinks and come to the show.
• 2:09
  And so sometimes I was secretly hoping nobody would come because I didn't want to feel vulnerable.
• 2:15
  When we always ended up having some kind of show, sometimes it was for five people.
• 2:20
  Sometimes it was for 50 people, but then it'd be like, Oh my God.
• 2:24
  Oh my God.
• 2:24
  The people are here now.
• 2:25
  We have to do it.
• 2:26
  That's what happens with speakers sometimes.
• 2:30
  You work so hard to get the gig, and then sometimes it's oh my gosh, this is a really big theater.
• 2:39
  Or, this is a really small, intimate room.
• 2:43
  You never know what kind of space you're going to be in until you get there.
• 2:47
  And so one of the things that I've learned from spending hours and days and really years on stage is when I can create, we're in this together.
• 3:01
  I'm not going to do something to you and you're not going to do something for me.
• 3:07
  We're already.
• 3:09
  On the same team, that is just such a great thing to dive into because No audience wants to feel like you're doing something to them or that you're speaking at them, right?
• 3:23
  We don't like that and I know what it's like as the recovering southern girl to need to be liked You know when I first started I was is this funny?
• 3:34
  God, I hope you like me.
• 3:35
  When I first started doing Facebook lives, I was I hope you like me.
• 3:39
  I don't want to take too much of your time.
• 3:41
  Let's talk about being bold, but really who I was being was, please don't heckle me.
• 3:47
  Please don't heckle me.
• 3:49
  So I was giving all the power to the audience or the perceived audience when it's, on social media or into a camera.
• 3:58
  So instead of coming from that place of need, what if you could create, Hey, we're in this together I want you to have a good time and you guys want me to have a good time because then we're all going to have more fun.
• 4:12
  And the time is going to go by whether we're doing comedy or talking about the tax laws of 1938 or.
• 4:21
  Insurance or, sometimes we have to talk about really tedious, hard subjects, but if you can acknowledge it, I just was at a conference and the woman said, Oh great, I'm the last speaker of the day right before you all go to dinner.
• 4:38
  So you're hungry, angry, and tired, but because she acknowledged what was in the room.
• 4:47
  We fell in love with her because she was like, I get it.
• 4:50
  I'm not going to be up here for three hours and trying to captivate you.
• 4:54
  I'm going to get to my message, so you can all get to happy hour or whatever it is you need to do.
• 5:00
  Cause you've been sitting in this room all day long.
• 5:02
  So many times just acknowledging what's in the space all right, I'm the first speaker.
• 5:09
  Anybody else feel like they're not awake yet?
• 5:11
  Anyone else?
• 5:12
  I need five more cups of coffee.
• 5:15
  That's a great way to start with humor to acknowledge what's going on in the audience.
• 5:20
  And what I use, I call hooking questions, which I'm going to do a whole series on that because to me, that is the way to start.
• 5:28
  Every video and every speech.
• 5:30
  It's infinitely more exciting.
• 5:33
  Thank you so much for having me.
• 5:35
  I'm really excited to be here.
• 5:38
  I'm really excited to blah, blah, blah.
• 5:40
  That's all about me.
• 5:42
  Who cares?
• 5:43
  The audience is like, why are you here?
• 5:45
  Why are you talking?
• 5:46
  Why do I have to listen to you?
• 5:47
  What isn't it for me?
• 5:49
  If you can start off right away, how many of you wish that you were already at happy hour?
• 5:55
  How many of you wish You had five more cups of coffee and maybe a decent breakfast.
• 6:01
  How many of you wish you didn't take that second helping at lunch because now you feel like you need a nap, right?
• 6:07
  Sometimes just acknowledging what's in the space is a great way to create instant rapport and basically tell the audience Hey, we're in this together.
• 6:17
  I want you to have fun.
• 6:18
  You want me to have fun because then it's going to go by quicker and better.
• 6:22
  And if I feel like you're into it, I'm going to give you my best.
• 6:26
  And so that is another thing I sometimes, depending on my topic, I used to speak on college campuses about really hard subjects like addiction, alcoholism and assault.
• 6:38
  I would say, Hey, we're going to talk about some tough stuff here, but I promise I'm going to leave you up.
• 6:44
  We're going to do some comedy too.
• 6:46
  And you're going to learn some things here that could save your life or your friend's life.
• 6:50
  So cool deal.
• 6:51
  That's cool.
• 6:53
  Or sometimes I would say, Hey, can this be a judgment free zone?
• 6:57
  I'm going to be sharing some vulnerable stuff and I really want you to hear it because it can make a difference for you.
• 7:03
  And so let's make this space a safe space.
• 7:07
  Now, obviously it depends on.
• 7:09
  If you're speaking to all of Google, you might not want to say that.
• 7:13
  It depends on the context and where you are.
• 7:15
  But to me, that is a great way to create context with your audience.
• 7:22
  So you're creating this partnership from the very minute you step on stage.
• 7:27
  Also I was working with a client today.
• 7:30
  And she is a keynote for this women's conference, and she's absolutely stunning.
• 7:37
  So I'm encouraging her to make some kind of self deprecating remark, because when she first walks on stage, It's Oh, she's perfect.
• 7:47
  She's tall and thin and gorgeous.
• 7:50
  And there's a part of me that's but if she can say, Hey, I was really nervous.
• 7:55
  I felt like my inner dork was here a big time.
• 7:58
  I felt like I was in the cafeteria in seventh grade looking for a place to sit desperate to not sit by myself, but not sit with the nerds, anybody else.
• 8:07
  We've had those moments, right?
• 8:09
  That we're sharing our humanity and sharing that no matter how much of an expert we are, no matter how successful we are, we still have these common human insecurities and traits.
• 8:24
  And that is such an equalizer.
• 8:27
  I love talking about humor.
• 8:30
  If you've been following me, I talk about it a lot and I'm going to keep talking about it because I need it.
• 8:36
  I think we all need to laugh.
• 8:38
  I know that when we laugh, we release toxins, we burn calories, we take in more oxygen, we create the feel good chemicals in our brain, and it can, Release the walls that keep us separate from that other, from that tribalism, that other hey, we're all on the same team human.
• 8:57
  We may have different points of view, but in the end, we're on the same team.
• 9:02
  So that's one reason I love talking about humor and starting off with it.
• 9:07
  Which can feel vulnerable, but that's how people can relate, when you come out, I've done all this and I'm the expert or when your bio says I've done, it can be off putting for some people.
• 9:21
  So obviously you have credibility, but you also want to have your vulnerability.
• 9:25
  Those are two key factors.
• 9:28
  And it depends on the group and who introduced you.
• 9:34
  As to how vulnerable or credible you want to be.
• 9:38
  It really depends.
• 9:39
  It's very situational.
• 9:43
  I specialize in vulnerability.
• 9:46
  And when I was speaking on college campuses, I was asked to speak for a private college who shall remain nameless in Montana.
• 9:56
  I'd never been to Montana.
• 9:58
  I did not understand the culture of Montana.
• 10:01
  I did not understand the denial.
• 10:05
  At this very religious, school.
• 10:08
  I did not understand the culture and I made a grave mistake.
• 10:13
  I was way too vulnerable.
• 10:15
  I still could have been vulnerable, but in a much more measured way.
• 10:19
  So that was a great.
• 10:21
  Learning lesson for me that I'll go into deeper on another episode.
• 10:26
  So anyway, that's the power of being vulnerable and being credible, starting off and with the intention that we're creating partnership with the audience.
• 10:37
  The other thing I want to say about that is that you're coming from a position of power.
• 10:44
  But not from a cocky position, but from a position of I'm going to give you some information that is the best thing since sliced bread, right?
• 10:56
  You are a gift.
• 10:57
  You have been asked or paid or both to go speak to a group of people.
• 11:03
  in person or virtually.
• 11:05
  And when you come from a place of, Oh, this is so juicy.
• 11:09
  I love this content.
• 11:11
  You're going to love it.
• 11:11
  It's really going to help you.
• 11:13
  That is such a fun place to come from.
• 11:17
  My friend calls it donut energy.
• 11:19
  But just, I think of it as Oh, this is just yummy.
• 11:22
  And I know it's going to really make a difference for you as opposed to Oh, I hope you like me.
• 11:29
  Here's my presentation.
• 11:31
  I hope it's okay, which is how I used to be.
• 11:34
  So that has taken a lot of stage time and a lot of coaching and mentorship to come from a place of I'm about to give you the bee's knees, so you want to lean in and listen.
• 11:47
  And I hope you like me.
• 11:49
  Of course I do.
• 11:50
  I'm human.
• 11:51
  But I don't need you to like me, because guess what?
• 11:55
  I like me.
• 11:56
  I like me.
• 11:57
  I am imperfectly perfect.
• 11:58
  It's not about being perfect, it's about being authentic and giving your gifts, sharing your information, but coming from a place of this is so juicy, you're gonna love it.
• 12:09
  Even if it's tedious, like tax things, it's going to help you in some way and your job and your position and your relationship with your body, with your health, whatever it is that you're teaching and training about.
• 12:22
  And that is infinitely more engaging than somebody who needs you.
• 12:29
  We've all been there, right?
• 12:31
  Have you ever seen the speaker who walks out on stage and you're are they gonna make it?
• 12:35
  I start breathing for them.
• 12:36
  Are they breathing?
• 12:37
  I think she's gonna make it.
• 12:38
  She looks like she's gonna pass out.
• 12:40
  We don't want you to be like that.
• 12:42
  And if you work with me, you will never be like that.
• 12:45
  But coming from a place of I have a gift to share and you're gonna love it.
• 12:50
  And if you don't, okay, some of you will get that on the way home.
• 12:54
  That's one of my saver lines.
• 12:56
  All another episode so creating partnership With the audience for the moment you walk on stage and not needing them to like you, you can hope you can set the intention, but you don't need them.
• 13:12
  You're here giving your beautiful information and some people may not like you.
• 13:18
  You're not everybody's cup of tea.
• 13:21
  Can you be okay with that?
• 13:23
  And as speakers, a lot of times there's a hundred people.
• 13:26
  Smiling and nodding their heads.
• 13:28
  And there's one person glowering.
• 13:31
  And who do we focus on?
• 13:32
  As a comedian.
• 13:33
  Oh my gosh.
• 13:34
  I could tell you the stories I was a keynote and it was a blast.
• 13:38
  It was a gorgeous stage and it was 500 people.
• 13:44
  And later on, this lady came up to me and said, I'm so sorry.
• 13:47
  I was asleep in the first row.
• 13:49
  I'm on some new medication.
• 13:51
  And, and she was in her late sixties and I was laughing because I didn't even notice.
• 13:57
  And in the past I would have been like offended but you know what, people are people.
• 14:02
  You never know what's going on.
• 14:03
  So it's you want to be connecting with the audience.
• 14:06
  You want to feel the vibe of what's going on with them to the degree that you can.
• 14:12
  And you don't want to kill yourself, twisting yourself into a knot.
• 14:16
  I worked with Debbie Ford.
• 14:17
  She was my coach.
• 14:19
  I got certified with her.
• 14:21
  Master's essentials and spiritual divorce.
• 14:24
  She has passed, but she was on the New York Times bestselling list.
• 14:27
  She spoke to Oprah many times.
• 14:29
  She worked with Deepak Chopra and she used to always say, half of the room is going to love you, and half of the room is not going to love you.
• 14:37
  So would you rather, Twist yourself into a pretzel trying to make everybody love you and then you hate yourself or be your true self and vibe with the people who are vibing with you.
• 14:49
  And I always thought that was really freeing.
• 14:51
  It's really freeing.
• 14:53
  So create partnership with your audience.
• 14:58
  Don't need them.
• 15:00
  Come out loving yourself.
• 15:02
  So that means a good warm up.
• 15:04
  That means spiritual practice.
• 15:05
  That means probably a good workout, a good night's sleep.
• 15:10
  Eating well, there's a lot of things for self care that you can do to help you stay in a high state.
• 15:15
  Avoid the news, avoid family members who stress you out, all that stuff.
• 15:21
  If you're not sure how to get there, give yourself lots of extra time because Murphy's law, construction, all the things.
• 15:29
  Okay, we've talked about creating partnership.
• 15:32
  And then one of the other things I know when I first started speaking, I started going to Toastmasters because I had been performing my entire life, but I, I didn't know how to speak as Elaine, the expert.
• 15:46
  So I started going to Toastmasters and I went for years.
• 15:50
  And one of the things.
• 15:51
  I learned was again, creating partnership and not being afraid if somebody raised a hand or interjected something or called out.
• 16:05
  Now, a lot of speakers are like, Oh, I don't like interaction.
• 16:09
  That's another good reason you should work with me or start doing some improv or standup comedy, because.
• 16:17
  When you can dance with whatever comes up in the room, you're free.
• 16:24
  It doesn't mean you have to know every answer.
• 16:27
  If someone asks you a question, you can say, great question.
• 16:31
  I'm going to get to that later.
• 16:33
  Or, fabulous question, I'm actually going to be answering that in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 16:39
  Or, thank you for asking that, I'd like to talk with you offline because that's very specific to your situation.
• 16:46
  Or, you know what, that's a great question I'm going to do some research and I will get back to the whole group.
• 16:53
  And as I was saying, let's go on from here with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 16:58
  So that's an example of yes, anding.
• 17:01
  Okay.
• 17:02
  So yes, anding is the first rule of improv when you're on stage with a partner.
• 17:09
  And in this case, if you're the speaker, your partner is the audience.
• 17:15
  You always want to make them look good, right?
• 17:18
  Unless someone's heckling you and that's a whole nother thing we'll talk about another time.
• 17:23
  If someone says, Hey, but what about.
• 17:26
  I can say that is a great point.
• 17:29
  I love it.
• 17:30
  And we can come back to that or, when you're doing improv, which I highly recommend if you're working on your speaking, if your partner says you're a yellow marshmallow on Mars.
• 17:44
  You don't say, no, I'm not, because that would kill the scene.
• 17:48
  You say, yes, and you are an orange cow on Jupiter, and somehow we're on this date on planet Earth, or whatever.
• 17:57
  The whole point of yes, and is that you make your partner great.
• 18:02
  So when someone raises a hand and wants to contribute, you can say, that is a great point.
• 18:09
  And I will come back to that.
• 18:11
  Or thank you for bringing that up, let's talk about that offline.
• 18:15
  You, that way, do you see how I'm not, like if someone raises their hand or interjects and you say no, or that's completely wrong or whatever, then it's disempowering.
• 18:27
  And then it makes the space, safe.
• 18:30
  Not feel safe.
• 18:31
  So yes, and is a great way.
• 18:33
  It's a great way to live your life And it's a great way to come from that place of yes And when you're speaking and that doesn't mean you're condoning everything people are saying Or that you're agreeing with everything you can say it's a way of being a gracious It's you're the host of the party and you're creating partnership with this audience.
• 18:58
  Yes.
• 18:58
  Okay.
• 18:59
  That is a, that's a, that is a valid point or that is very interesting or what an interesting opinion.
• 19:07
  Okay.
• 19:08
  Maybe we can talk about that later in the Q and a or over dinner.
• 19:13
  You see how you still made them great.
• 19:16
  Even if what they said was maybe preposterous.
• 19:19
  And so that is such a good rule to live by.
• 19:23
  Amy Poehler wrote a book called Yes, And.
• 19:25
  She was on Saturday Night Live forever.
• 19:27
  I miss her.
• 19:28
  She's so fun.
• 19:29
  And it's just a great rule to live by.
• 19:32
  Of making whoever you're with, Great.
• 19:35
  When I have a guest on my podcast, I want to make them great.
• 19:40
  I would never want to knock them down or hyper criticize them.
• 19:45
  I might give them some feedback on their story in a very loving sandwichy kind of way.
• 19:52
  The sandwich, I loved this.
• 19:54
  Next time I would really love if you could give me a little more juice with this or add some pauses or have some more vocal variety or maybe do an act out and, I also loved blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 20:09
  That's the sandwich.
• 20:11
  They give compliments and then the little bit of what they need to work on in the middle, right?
• 20:17
  Think about it.
• 20:18
  For some of us who grew up in dysfunction, it is very hard to receive feedback.
• 20:25
  I am I am so sensitive and I've tried for years to not be sensitive and I am so sensitive and so I work on that on a daily basis.
• 20:34
  That's why I have a 12 step program and I meditate and pray and do all my spiritual things because that helps me be less sensitive because I can be more sensitive.
• 20:43
  Way too sensitive.
• 20:45
  And my goal is to keep growing and learning authentically and evolving.
• 20:52
  And so that means I should welcome feedback at all times.
• 20:56
  I don't know if I can do it at all times.
• 20:58
  I want to be able to hear things and not be a reaction queen.
• 21:03
  And so that's why I do my spiritual practices.
• 21:06
  And that's another reason.
• 21:07
  I love improv because it helped me lighten the heck up.
• 21:10
  I was so intense.
• 21:11
  I was so intense.
• 21:12
  I was new in New York and I was like, Gotta make up for a long time! And the casting directors were like you need to take some improv, lady.
• 21:21
  You need to calm down.
• 21:22
  I was just so intense.
• 21:24
  I hope that this is helpful if you are coming back on stage, if you're thinking about becoming a speaker, if you're already a speaker, wherever you are in your speaking journey, being able to create partnership with any audience, whether it's two or two thousand.
• 21:41
  Is delicious.
• 21:43
  It's true leadership, right?
• 21:46
  Not needing them to like you, remembering to love yourself, being super centered and self cared before you put yourself out there, whether it's two or 2000 or on camera, and then The yes, anding.
• 22:03
  Yes, anding is such a great rule for life.
• 22:06
  Instead of saying or yes, but, try saying yes and see what doors will open up for you.
• 22:15
  I hope that you got a lot out of this.
• 22:16
  My name is Elaine, if you're just tuning in.
• 22:20
  And, I help female entrepreneurs show up powerfully on stage, on camera, and when they're podcast guesting so that they can make the most out of every opportunity so that you can have fun and have the most impact that you know, you're meant to make.
• 22:40
  On this planet, we all are wanting to expand our reach and help heal the planet.
• 22:45
  I believe that I'm doing God's work.
• 22:47
  I help the helpers.
• 22:48
  My mission is to help heal the world.
• 22:51
  One video, one joke, one story at a time.
• 22:54
  And I need a whole crew of people to help me do that.
• 22:57
  So if you know it's time, To put some attention on your speaking and we all know speaking is the very best way to grow your business so people can feel you and hear what you have to say and say, yes, I want to be on your email list.
• 23:14
  I would like to have a session with you.
• 23:16
  I would like to sign up for your blah, speaking is the best way.
• 23:21
  And we all can always be working on being better at it.
• 23:24
  So thank you so much for joining me.
• 23:26
  Please pass this on to somebody who needs it and please subscribe Rate and review because that's how people find out about this And I want this to go global and I cannot wait to see you on the screen or stage soon Bye for now.
• 23:45
  Bye