Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #180 Christmas Traditions

Transcript

#180 Christmas Traditions · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: I love that the kids are so excited to include
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  Speaker 2: us in the process. We have one child who is
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  Speaker 2: a very adamant that everybody has to watch each other
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  Speaker 2: open at presence.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and Dad.
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  Speaker 3: I feel like I want to break into song. I
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  Speaker 3: feel like I want to sing jingle Bells, but the
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  Speaker 3: Aussie version.
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  Speaker 4: It's kind of weird being.
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  Speaker 3: In Australia and hearing all of these songs about you know,
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  Speaker 3: let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, and.
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  Speaker 2: I become a grinchman all those songs.
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  Speaker 3: I am dreaming of a white Christmas. No, I'm not
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  Speaker 3: well actually, I mean it might be nice to try
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  Speaker 3: it once, but.
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  Speaker 2: What white sand?
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  Speaker 4: You know what? I but that's it.
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  Speaker 3: I like the fact that at Christmas time in Australia
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  Speaker 3: we go to the beach, we go to we lay
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  Speaker 3: by the pool, like it's just the best time of
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  Speaker 3: the year for Christmas. I can't imagine doing Christmas in
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  Speaker 3: the snow by the way, how like this is doctor
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  Speaker 3: Justin Kilson.
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  Speaker 4: Sorry, I've gotten carried Away.
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  Speaker 3: I'm the author of six books about raising a happy family,
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  Speaker 3: and my wife Colylie missus Happy Family, is the mum
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  Speaker 3: to our six baby girls who are growing up way
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  Speaker 3: too fast.
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  Speaker 4: Another Christmas, you know.
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  Speaker 2: Recently, I just discovered Marco Polo. It's a new app, right.
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  Speaker 4: Well, it's not that new, but it's an app.
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  Speaker 2: It's a new app for me and one of my
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  Speaker 2: friends who lives in America, and we've reconnected after about
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  Speaker 2: seven or eight years of not having much contact at all,
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  Speaker 2: and it's been brilliant. And where she lives in America,
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  Speaker 2: it's snowing.
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  Speaker 4: She's in Indianapolis, she is and knowing.
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  Speaker 2: She said to me the other day, she said, it's
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  Speaker 2: like I don't know three degrees at the moment, and
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  Speaker 2: tomorrow morning it's supposed to be our first snow of
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  Speaker 2: the season. And I messaged it back and I was like,
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  Speaker 2: snow for Christmas, Like that is so exciting, I said,
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  Speaker 2: I've heard lots of people tell me that it's actually
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  Speaker 2: a real pain at the barm and they don't enjoy
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  Speaker 2: it after a while because it's so cold and you
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  Speaker 2: get snowed in.
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  Speaker 4: And she gave me all the.
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  Speaker 2: Reasons why snow doesn't work And I said, I know,
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  Speaker 2: I said, but it just sounds so romantic. She got
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  Speaker 2: back to me and she was like it is for
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  Speaker 2: the first day.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and then and it's nice. She's just wishing that
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  Speaker 4: she was laying by the pool.
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  Speaker 2: It goes all sooty and you know, it's not nice
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  Speaker 2: and white anymore.
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  Speaker 3: And like dashing through the snow and one hook. First
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  Speaker 3: of all, no one dashes through well, you don't dash
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  Speaker 3: through the snow, but especially in a one horse open sleigh.
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  Speaker 4: Who's going to have an open sleigh in the middle
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  Speaker 4: of winter. My goodness, there's snow green.
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  Speaker 3: I like dashing through the bush in a rusty hole
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  Speaker 3: in ut, kicking up the dust, eski in the boots,
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  Speaker 3: Kelpie by my side, singing Crispins songs at summer time
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  Speaker 3: and I'm in my singlet short and thongs.
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  Speaker 2: There we go.
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  Speaker 4: That's how we do jingle bells here in Australia. Land.
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  Speaker 3: Hey, let's talk about some Christmas traditions because everybody's got
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  Speaker 3: them and sometimes we just don't realize how awesome they are.
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  Speaker 3: You know, my favorite Christmas tradition I'm going to start prawns.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, they're all yours. Yeah, that's what I love about Christmas.
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  Speaker 3: Nobody in my family likes prawns except for me, and
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  Speaker 3: I get the whole. I don't know the whole keelo
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  Speaker 3: kill except when your mom comes over and I've got
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  Speaker 3: to share them with your mum. I love prawns, and well,
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  Speaker 3: you know.
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  Speaker 2: A couple of a couple of weeks back, we actually
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  Speaker 2: did talk about traditions in general as part of.
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  Speaker 3: Book club, how important they are for building well being
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  Speaker 3: and certainty and identity, so so very important for making
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  Speaker 3: families happy.
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  Speaker 2: And in that podcast we actually talked about one of
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  Speaker 2: our favorite Christmas traditions being that Santa brings everybody a
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  Speaker 2: mango and a ginger beer.
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  Speaker 3: Everyone except me, and as we discovered the other day,
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  Speaker 3: miss Emily, who doesn't want a mango. She wants a
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  Speaker 3: pineapple that she can share with us.
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  Speaker 2: Do you want a pineapple too?
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  Speaker 4: I just share Emily.
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  Speaker 3: But but yeah, so we've got these Christmas traditions like
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  Speaker 3: I get my prawns and I pretty much get them
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  Speaker 3: to myself, and Santa comes with the essentials, primarily and
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  Speaker 3: a mango and a ginger beer that the kids can
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  Speaker 3: count on from Santa every year what o the Christmas traditions.
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  Speaker 4: Do we have?
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  Speaker 2: When the kids were very, very young, we actually decided
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  Speaker 2: that Santa would no longer be the one who brought
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  Speaker 2: them their big gifts. And part of that came because
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  Speaker 2: we were actually financially struggling and we couldn't compete with
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  Speaker 2: Santa at all as parents, and it kind of seemed
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  Speaker 2: a little bit unfair because.
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  Speaker 4: Santa would bring the kids.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm a full time student, we're renting where we've
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  Speaker 3: got four kids or whatever it is, five kids, and
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  Speaker 3: we were like, hang on, we can't compete with Santa.
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  Speaker 3: Santa brings the kids these awesome things and we give
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  Speaker 3: them the leftovers.
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  Speaker 4: Let's swap that around. Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 2: So in our house from the time that the kids
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  Speaker 2: can remember, Santa is the one who fills their stockings,
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  Speaker 2: and so he's the one that brings them their mango
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  Speaker 2: and ginger beer.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and their socks and undies.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, those necessities.
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  Speaker 4: That's exactly right.
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  Speaker 3: So that's been a little I mean, this is how
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  Speaker 3: easy traditions are, right, They're just little miniature things. We've
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  Speaker 3: got a bunch of faith based traditions because we've got
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  Speaker 3: a strong faith ourselves and so we have time reading
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  Speaker 3: the Christmas story and reviewing themivity and talking about what
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  Speaker 3: that means with our family. That's how we start off
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  Speaker 3: our Christmas morning, usually around the tree, before we even
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  Speaker 3: get stuck into any Christmasy stuff, except for the fact
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  Speaker 3: that the kids are reading Man Goes and drinking ginger beer.
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  Speaker 4: While we do it.
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  Speaker 5: Well.
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  Speaker 2: As part of that, one of the things that the
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  Speaker 2: kids have again created of their own accord, is we
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  Speaker 2: made a rule that no one was allowed to open
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  Speaker 2: presents until Mum and Dad were out of bed, because
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  Speaker 2: we'd miss all the magic of them opening them up.
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  Speaker 2: And so they decided, well, was it okay if they
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  Speaker 2: opened up their stockings? And we said okay. But that
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  Speaker 2: inevitably means that we end up with six children sitting
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  Speaker 2: on the end of our bed with their stockings because
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  Speaker 2: they're so excited about them, and they wake us up anyway.
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  Speaker 3: I love that though, And let's face it, we're in Queensland,
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  Speaker 3: so we don't have daylight savings, which means the sun
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  Speaker 3: comes up at four point thirty, and so you and
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  Speaker 3: I are awake by five anyway, and we're usually awake
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  Speaker 3: even on Christmas Day before the kids maybe even jump
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  Speaker 3: in the pool before them, you know, have a bit
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  Speaker 3: of a dip on Christmas Day?
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  Speaker 4: What better check? Come on, let's start a new tradition
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  Speaker 4: this year anyway.
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  Speaker 2: So I love that, and I love that the kids
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  Speaker 2: are so excited to include us in the process. We
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  Speaker 2: have one child, I'm not going to name her, but
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  Speaker 2: we have one child who is very adamant that everybody
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  Speaker 2: has to watch each other open their presence because she
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  Speaker 2: gets just as excited about seeing what her sisters get
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  Speaker 2: as she does opening up her own presence. And that
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  Speaker 2: has actually created a beautiful tradition of savoring in our home.
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  Speaker 2: You know, there isn't that kind of manic craziness around gifts.
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  Speaker 2: There's actually this is opportunity for everybody to savor what's
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  Speaker 2: being shared and what's been given. And I love that.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: The research on savoring that is the amplification or magnification
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  Speaker 3: of a positive experience. That's the technical definition of savoring.
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  Speaker 3: The data on saving shows that it's one of the
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  Speaker 3: most wonderful ways to well being. Hey, let's talk about
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  Speaker 3: a couple of other traditions in just a sec and
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  Speaker 3: we might even find out what some people are doing
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  Speaker 3: for their own Christmas traditions.
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  Speaker 4: That's next.
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  Speaker 6: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 7:00
  Speaker 7: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
• 7:03
  Speaker 7: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 7:06
  Speaker 7: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 7:08
  Speaker 7: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 7:12
  Speaker 7: families dot com au slash shop.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now. And we have
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: been talking about Christmas traditions. We asked a few parents
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  Speaker 2: what they love about Christmas or the traditions that they
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  Speaker 2: have instilled in their children.
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  Speaker 8: We went to Victoria from Queensland to meet up with
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  Speaker 8: all our relatives that were down there for Christmas. Was
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  Speaker 8: important to spend time with family.
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  Speaker 7: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: Look, we've really just tried to instill the value of
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  Speaker 5: our giving is better than receiving, trying to get the
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  Speaker 5: kids thinking about others, maybe other kids who aren't as
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  Speaker 5: fortunate as them, rather than just focusing on all the
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  Speaker 5: things that they're going to get.
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  Speaker 6: Our family tradition each Christmas is to always go to
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  Speaker 6: church in the morning as a family, So trying to
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  Speaker 6: instill that in the kids that it's you know what
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  Speaker 6: the real meaning of Christmas is. We go to church
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  Speaker 6: and then we try and get them to wait to
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  Speaker 6: unwrap their presents till we get home till after church,
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  Speaker 6: and then we just enjoy the rest of the day
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  Speaker 6: together as a family.
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  Speaker 4: So what else do we do.
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  Speaker 3: I've been thinking about it and I'm actually struggling to
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  Speaker 3: come up with some others.
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  Speaker 4: You know.
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  Speaker 3: One thing that we do, and this is something that
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  Speaker 3: we started to do really intentionally in the last handful
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  Speaker 3: of years, and it's made Christmas really special, is we
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  Speaker 3: have our family Christmases in the days leading up to Christmas.
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  Speaker 3: You know, so some weekend, any weekend before Christmas Day,
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  Speaker 3: we'll get together with my family or your family, or
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  Speaker 3: even maybe after Christmas, and we have our family, our
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  Speaker 3: extended family Christmas celebrations on days other than Christmas Day.
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  Speaker 3: For our family with six children, what that means is
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  Speaker 3: we get to have a really quiet, insular kind of
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  Speaker 3: Christmas Day just for our kids at home, without all
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  Speaker 3: the hustle and the bustle and the and the drama
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  Speaker 3: of the cooking and cleaning and just everything that ties
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  Speaker 3: you out. We don't have to do that on Christmas.
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  Speaker 8: Day.
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  Speaker 3: We get to keep Christmas Day as a really sacred
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  Speaker 3: little cocoon for our family.
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  Speaker 2: It's one of the things that I love about our
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  Speaker 2: Christmas Day. It's just so pleasing to not have any
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  Speaker 2: expectations or you know, parameters around what we do. It's
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  Speaker 2: literally up to us, and I just I love the
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  Speaker 2: freedom of it, and I love the intentional way we're
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  Speaker 2: able to spend time together without having to worry about,
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  Speaker 2: you know, being stuck in the kitchen for four or
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  Speaker 2: five hours.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, have we got any others or is that about it?
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  Speaker 1: Oh?
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  Speaker 2: My goodness, I can't believe you're asking me if there's
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  Speaker 2: any more. We've talked about this before, the idea of
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  Speaker 2: giving our children a book and a little.
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  Speaker 4: Block tops it that night before Christmas Eve.
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  Speaker 2: That's right, and we have loved doing that because we're
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  Speaker 2: all bookworms. We all love to read a book, but
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  Speaker 2: we get in trouble because we're supposed to turn the
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  Speaker 2: lights out at a certain time. So Christmas Eve is
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  Speaker 2: the one time where there is no lights out rule.
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  Speaker 2: The kids can stay up as late as they want
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  Speaker 2: reading their brand new book, and inevitably everyone goes to
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  Speaker 2: sleep nice and early, very.
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  Speaker 3: Early, and if they don't, who cares, right, because tomorrow
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  Speaker 3: is Christmas Day and if they sleep in weekend.
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  Speaker 4: That's right.
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  Speaker 2: So it works beautifully for so many reasons, and it
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  Speaker 2: gives Santa a little bit of extra time to do
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  Speaker 2: what they need to do.
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  Speaker 3: So this actually comes from I found out about this
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  Speaker 3: via social media. It's actually an Icelandic tradition called Joe
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  Speaker 3: lobbla cuff lawge don't try Yes, I don't know if
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  Speaker 3: I said that right, Joela Boka flood and it basically
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  Speaker 3: means the flood of books, and it's a tradition that
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  Speaker 3: has been happening for decades in Iceland where they sit down.
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  Speaker 4: Obviously it's cold there, but they've got their hot chocolate.
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  Speaker 3: They sit in front of the fireplace and they read
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  Speaker 3: books on Christmas even. It's a really peaceful way to
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  Speaker 3: settle in for what's going to be a great day
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  Speaker 3: the next day.
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  Speaker 2: Well, this year, I thought that we needed to kind
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  Speaker 2: of just vamp things up a little bit. So I
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  Speaker 2: got a bit excited, and I hope the kids aren't listening.
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  Speaker 2: But I've brought matching pajamas to go with their books.
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  Speaker 4: So the books match the pajamas.
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  Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 3: Other kids one another match teacher right, Okay.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm super excited about it.
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  Speaker 4: For the kids, I'm glad. I think that they look
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  Speaker 4: really cute in their armies.
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  Speaker 2: Another couple of things that we've done in the past,
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  Speaker 2: we every year, now that we're living close to the cousins,
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  Speaker 2: we get together and have a craft Christmas Craft Day.
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  Speaker 2: This year we're actually going to attempt something we've never
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: done before. We're making gingerbread houses from scratch. So if
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: anyone out there can tell me how to do it
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  Speaker 2: without failing, I would love some tips.
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  Speaker 3: Ye centers, try to podcasts and happy Families dot com,
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  Speaker 3: dot you.
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  Speaker 4: We don't mind that.
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  Speaker 3: But the Christmas craft Day with the cousins, again, we've
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  Speaker 3: got six of our own kids the cousins. There's there's
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  Speaker 3: five in one family, and there's a handful in the
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  Speaker 3: other families that are around. We've got a big family,
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  Speaker 3: so it makes this stuff very very easy. But if
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: you don't have a big family, you can always combine,
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: you know, you can do stuff with friends and yeah,
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: again it comes down to intention and planning. This is
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  Speaker 3: how traditions created, and.
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  Speaker 2: We've created a couple of new traditions this year again
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  Speaker 2: just organically growing.
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  Speaker 4: Does it count as a tradition if we've only done
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  Speaker 4: it once?
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  Speaker 2: It does if the kids say we're doing it again.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, right, So obviously, the one Christmas movie per night
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  Speaker 3: through the month of December.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we've actually been doing that in the past. But
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  Speaker 2: with books, each Christmas I actually try to find a
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  Speaker 2: new Christmas story to add to our collection. And so
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  Speaker 2: while the kids were very young, we used to read
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: books together.
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  Speaker 3: I kind of miss that I'd rather read a book
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  Speaker 3: than watch a movie, and books are faster.
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  Speaker 4: You're so bad.
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  Speaker 2: I am still reading those Christmas stories with Emily, but
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  Speaker 2: the big kids don't enjoy listen, you know, kind of
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: reading the little kiddie books. And so you know, this
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  Speaker 2: year we've obviously added the videos to it instead. We've
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  Speaker 2: also this is probably one of my favorite ones. And
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  Speaker 2: this has come about because we got to a point
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: where we realized that we're now really having come out
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: of being students for such a long time, in a
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: position where no one actually needs anything anymore, and Christmas
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: has become so materialistic that we really wanted to kind
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: of just change things up a little bit, and so
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: we have a favorite book, a favorite Christmas book called
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Christmas Jars, which recently became a movie that the kids
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: love watching, and in it it just talks about, you know,
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: somebody who started this small tradition in their home where
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  Speaker 2: they just collected all of their loose change through the
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: year and at Christmas time they would anonymously leave it
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: on somebody's doorstep who needed it. And so that one
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  Speaker 2: person has actually started this whole new tradition, like.
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  Speaker 4: A worldwide movement of Christmas job and.
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  Speaker 2: You can google it and you can see all of
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  Speaker 2: the different stories that have come about as a result
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: of this wonderful, selfless giving. And so in our family,
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  Speaker 2: we decided a few years ago that that's what we
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: were doing. We actually included our extended family in it.
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  Speaker 2: And so it's not about how much you put in
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  Speaker 2: the jar, it's about what we collectively are able to do,
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  Speaker 2: because every cent counts, and so each year is a
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: family We come together, we talk about who we might
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  Speaker 2: share it with, and sometimes it's a charity, sometimes it's
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: somebody we know. And this year we're doing something a
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: little bit different. I've actually become associated with the local
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: charity who deals with families that are either experiencing homelessness
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: or domestic violence in our local area, and at Christmas
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: time they do a Christmas Toy drive and they actually
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: go on door knock each door to find out who
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  Speaker 2: the children are, what their ages are, and then hand
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  Speaker 2: pick gifts that have been donated to them to actually
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: meet those children's ages and needs. And so this year,
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: as our family culminates all of our gatherings and collections
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: from our year's coinage, we have actually assigned each of
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: the children a little budget to go and purchase gifts
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: for a child of their sex and age. And I'm
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  Speaker 2: so excited for them to actually be a part of
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: the process. It's one thing to give a jar of
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  Speaker 2: money away, but as our children actually have the opportunity
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: to specifically think about somebody who has less than them
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: and be able to give them something that they wish
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: they could get, I just I'm so excited for them
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: to be involved in that process. So the giving jar
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: has been something that we have just loved initiating in
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: our home.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: So I just googled it.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: By the way, the Christmas jar tradition is based on
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: the two thousand and five New York Times bestselling novel
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: by Jason Wright. So we've got the book, but I
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: didn't know that it was a New York Times bestseller.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: Jason Wright is called the Christmas Jar. I think ed
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: is there, and the idea is you just save up
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: some cash or throw your spare coins in there, and
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: then you give the money away to somebody in need
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: or in this case go and actually the closer you
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: can get your kids to the actual giving to the
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: person in need, the more meaningful it is.
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: I can't wait to report back and talk about how
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: the kids go with it. I'm really excited for that.
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: So there's some of our Christmas traditions.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: We'd love to hear about yours podcasts at Happy Families
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: dot com dot au. That's the email address for you
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: to be able to get in touch with us.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: We'd love to get your feedback.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: We'd love to hear what you're doing to make Christmas meaningful.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: At your place in the meantime.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way Christmas in
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: Australia on a scorching summer's day.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: Hey, we would love to get your feedback. Leave your
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: ratings and reviews for.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: The podcast at Apple podcasts so that everyone can find
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: out about how much you enjoy the podcast and make
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: their families happier. Our podcast is produced by Justin Rulan
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: from Bridge Media.
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: Our executive producer is Craig Bruce.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: If you'd like more information about how I can help
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: make your family flourish, especially if you'd like to have
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: ongoing monthly support via our amazing Happy Families memberships, visit
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Happy Families dot com dot au