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131: Why You Feel Lost—And How to Find Your Way Home w/ Jon Gordon · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  John Gordon is a husband, father, and author. His best-selling books and talks have inspired millions of readers and audiences around the world. He is the author of the timeless classic, The Energy Boss, The Carpenter, Training Camp, The Power of Positive Leadership, The Power of a Positive Team, and his latest,
• 0:39
  The one truth. When he's not running through airports or speaking to businesses, hospitals, or schools, you can find him playing pickleball and taking long walks, which are when he gets most of his ideas. We got to add in golf to that as well, which we'll talk about. John believes in keeping his bio short because his past accomplishments are meaningless. What matters most is that he says something today that will inspire you to take action tomorrow. Ladies and gentlemen, John Gordon. Kelly, thank you so much. Good to be with you.
• 1:08
  John, I know that, first of all, happy belated birthday. I know that you just turned 53 years young on Saturday. 53. You look great, my friend. I look for 53 more at least, tip top. With today's AI, we ought to be able to keep you healthy and running for a long time. How old are you? 48. Just turned 48.
• 1:30
  48, okay. No, I have, as a matter of fact, I have a doctor right in Florida that I should introduce you to. He's a longevity health doctor, keeps me going, keeps me in tip-top shape as much as I possibly can. That's awesome. I have a question for you. It's not even on my schedule here, but I just was thinking about it as I was flying home today. Do you read, because you're so busy, do you read often or do you listen to audiobooks?
• 1:56
  You know, I used to read a ton and quite honestly, I've been so busy running my company and doing all the training we're doing and creating our marketing and social media. I'm looking to hire a CMO right now that will alleviate some of that, but I haven't read as much as I would like to. Now, I do read a devotional every day and I read some things that come to me, but as far as books go, I need to read more again like I used to.
• 2:21
  As you know, I've read every single one of your books. The moment they come out, I just looked and I read the one truth. I got notes here from July 2nd. And it's so odd because when you do the work and you work in how we do, and I'm not trying to compare myself to you anyway, but I'm not even the same person that took these notes from six months ago. So I had to deviate and write all new friggin' questions for this. So have you read the book Conversations with God? Yes.
• 2:50
  many years ago. I just read it and listened to it back to back. And there were parts of it that made me think of the one truth right away. And that's where we're going to go, right? We're going to spend a lot of time and I have notes. I'm punching notes because I, John, I've read all your books and I just have so many questions from reading this and knowing that,
• 3:13
  Your book starts off, let's start with this. Can you share with the listeners the inspiration behind writing The One Truth and how it has impacted your own life? Yeah, I mean, the inspiration was just walking. Yeah.
• 3:26
  And praying and getting these downloads, these ideas about the one truth that everything comes down to oneness and separateness. And once I saw that and understood that, more ideas started coming. It was wild. It was like I had to write this book. It was like I was being given this book. I was meant to share it to help people understand it.
• 3:49
  how this force that always divides us and separates us can weaken us and make us feel powerless. But there was a power, a power of love trying to unite us and bring us back into connection and wholeness. And then once you see how it plays out in every aspect of our lives, like a team that is united and connected,
• 4:09
  is a powerful team. A team that is separate and divided is a very weak team. So once I saw that, I'm like, it makes so much sense. And then seeing at the psychological level, how negative thoughts and fear divides and positive thoughts and love unites and connects. And then also seeing how the root for the Greek word of anxious means to separate and
• 4:32
  and divide. So when you're anxious, you feel separate and divided. And all mental health disorders report feelings of isolation and disconnection and separation. I'm going, okay, this clearly is the truth because everything that I can run through this filter
• 4:49
  through this lens, it all makes sense through the one truth of oneness and separateness. So I'm like, okay. So more and more, it was coming to me. I'm like, I've got to write this book. But the real kicker that really made me write it ASAP was the fact that I was talking to a 16-year-old who was struggling and suicidal and the ER two nights before. I wrote about him in the book and after teaching him the lessons, in one session, I'm like,
• 5:15
  He was fine. His parents said, what did you do? Like, he's great again. And I'm like, I just shared the truth with him. This kid understood that his negative thoughts were not coming from him. So because of our conversation, he stopped beating himself up. He stopped feeling guilt and shame.
• 5:34
  He realized that he was this hero in an epic story that has to overcome negativity with positivity to create their life, to create their future. Just like every hero in every great movie has to overcome. You got to overcome the villain to create success. And once he learned that, this kid just became great and just reached out to him recently over a year later. How you doing? Doing great, Mr. Gordon. High state of mind.
• 5:58
  And then I started sharing it with other kids, other teenagers, because I've got a lot of friends with kids, college kids, high school kids, even 20 somethings. And I started teaching them this. I'm like, man.
• 6:10
  I got to put this out into this world like now. Because I was going to write a few years from now. I'm like, I got to do it now. So that was the impetus. That was the inspiration. And I'm so glad I did because people who are reading it are really resonating with it. And I get emails every day now. The book hasn't obviously hit a tipping point yet. It's getting out there. But my hope is the more people read it, they share it.
• 6:32
  the more people have this understanding and we become a more powerful collective force of, of human nature, making an impact in this world in a positive way. I told you, I read all your books, the energy bus. I read years and years and years ago when I was just completely separate from myself. And then in July, just before your book came on, I was with our mutual friend, Steven Scoggins. I went down and visited him and I'm like, I feel some kind of something. And he said, you're being, you're being called, man. No, he's,
• 7:02
  I just, I always, I believed that there was source, there was energy, I didn't call it God. And since I left his place and I listened to yours and his podcast, I've started surrendering and allowing God into my life. And the one thing that I would tell you is that this is a different book than normal for you. And it was, it hit me hard. And when I read the difference, when I surrendered to God from July until now,
• 7:30
  I've had conversations with God and I've asked specific things and I allow this oneness is what I would call the final healing. What would you say to that? Would it be a healing? The one truth. Is it healing? That's what I took away from it.
• 7:48
  I love that you said that because really the book and the goal of the book is to help people heal. Because we all have a wound. We all have a hole in our soul, H-O-L-E. And I ask people all the time, whether they believe in God or not, do you have a hole in your soul? And they all say, yes, we all know that we carry a wound with us. And the key to life is healing the wound. Everybody comes into this world with...
• 8:13
  with a wound or they have an experience that gives them a wound in their life, some sort of trauma. Talk to anybody today. They have something that causes a wound, a separation. Because what is a wound but a separation within your soul? And the goal is to then heal that wound. And that's a journey of life. Interestingly enough, as a person of faith,
• 8:36
  Jesus was all about a healing ministry. Like wherever he went, he would heal people. His whole mission was healing. And it's actually God's
• 8:47
  plan for us is to heal us and to restore us and redeem us and to make us whole, W-H-O-L-E. But you can't get that way on your own. So the fact that you say it's healing is really important. And also the fact that you say, you know, you surrendered. This is my journey. Like I didn't have a relationship with God years ago. I was struggling. I was fearful. I was negative. I was anxious. I'm not the person now that I was then. I'm completely different.
• 9:15
  Kelly, I was a Division I athlete and my teammates, they say, I can't believe you're doing what you're doing. Like you were a wreck in college. You were like the biggest mental wreck ever because I wasn't who I am now because I didn't have healing. I had a lot of issues. I had traumas. I had wounds that needed to be healed. So my whole journey has been a journey of healing. Now, here's the cool thing. Healed people heal people.
• 9:41
  So healed people heal others. So as you get healed, you become someone who can heal others. And I know that was part of my journey, part of my process. Clearly, it's part of yours as well. You are being called to be healed so that you can be a force and a source of healing for others. And that's where life gets really interesting. When you start doing that, you start to see the meaning of life. You start to see the purpose of life. But remember this, we can't.
• 10:10
  heal ourselves because we're not perfect because we are flawed. Self-love is important, but self-love will not heal the God-sized hole that you have in your heart and your soul. You need a greater power. You need a greater strength. Now, here's the interesting thing. Relational psychology says you heal in a loving relationship. Okay. I heal in a loving relationship. Can you heal with a stranger?
• 10:38
  Like a stranger where there's no connection. No. Has to be a loving relationship. Well, if God is a stranger, can God heal you? No. It's got to be a personal God. It's got to be a God of love, a God of forgiveness, a God that wants to heal you.
• 10:55
  People get mad at God, but what they're really mad at is the force that separates, the force that divides, the force that says you're not enough, the force that actually accuses you, attacks you, and demeans you, and actually tries to keep you from your destiny. There is a force trying to do that. And we get mad at God when we really should get mad at the force. Right?
• 11:17
  See, the enemy is so good at convincing us it's God. We wind up hating God instead of the evil that exists. The key is to realize God allows the evil to exist because he gives us a choice. Will you choose that path or will you choose the path to me, to connection, to wholeness? Or will you choose the path of separation?
• 11:38
  And that's all of our choices. And so for me, my journey has been one towards wholeness. I want to help people become more whole to heal. And this book, as you know, The One Truth explains how to do it. And it's spending time with God. How do you have a relationship with someone? You spend time with them. Well, the more you start to surrender. Yeah.
• 11:58
  The more you start to trust, the more you pray. As you do that, literally you start to connect with God. Corinthians 6.17 says, He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. What are you? When you die, your body turns to dust. So we think we're solid. We're not solid. Our body turns to dust. Your hair, your great hair, Kelly, turns to dust. Our muscles turn to dust. So what lasts? Well, it's our soul.
• 12:26
  Our mind and our soul. Even the brain. The brain turns to dust. It's the soul. So everything turns to dust. So what are you? You are essence. You are soul and you are spirit. So when you are connected to God, your spirit and God's spirit becomes one spirit. And in that one spirit, that's how the renewal of your mind begins to happen. You were created for connection.
• 12:54
  You were not created for separation. You were created for connection. So that's why the more separate you feel, the further away from God you feel, that's why you have more negative thoughts during that time. You have more anxiety during that time. You have a lot of stress and worry and fear the more separate you feel. Why? Because you feel far away from home. Everybody's trying to find their way home, closer to God, to a relationship with God. As you get closer to God, you're,
• 13:23
  And you have that oneness. You have this experience and this connection that renews you, that heals you. And I meet a lot of people. I meet a lot of professional athletes when I speak to these chapel services for pro teams, for instance. I spoke to the Ravens at their chapel service this year. And I asked them, how many of you guys need to pray more? And every guy raises their hand because they all know they need to spend more time with God for the healing to take place. One last example on this, Kelly. Kelly.
• 13:51
  You take a cucumber and you take that cucumber and you put it into pickle juice. Just put it in real quick and pull it out. Put it in, pull it out.
• 14:00
  Will that pickle juice transform the pickle or the cucumber? No, no, it will not transform it yet. It has to bathe in the pickle juice for pickling to happen. Well, we must bathe in the Holy Spirit for healing to take place. That's the power of this healing mechanism that happens. And nothing else does it but allowing the love and forgiveness of God to move into our spirit and soul and to heal us.
• 14:30
  You are worth the price of admission. I got about 45 downloads from that. So what I heard you say was God is a relationship, what you say in the book. And you need to listen to what? Station 111, the truth, and stay off of AM 666, the lie. You start off the book and I re-listened to it because I heard a different book. I listened to it. I read it and then listened to it. I never listened to books.
• 14:54
  But I wanted to because I was traveling this weekend. I'm like, I want to be ready for John because I just adore you. The whole family. I got your wife coming on and we're going to talk about relationship grit in a minute. But we talk. I always say thoughts are magical lies. And I got a note here that said negative thoughts are lies, which you put in the book. Um.
• 15:14
  So what happens when I read in conversations with God, he said, we're all born in the image and likeness of God. And then some traumatic event happens and we think we're not. And then we have to spend the rest of our lives, the smart ones, becoming oneness again and getting rid of that trauma. So.
• 15:36
  Having said that, yours was – I missed it the first time I read it. But yours was when you were playing baseball in eighth grade and you couldn't throw a strike? Was that your traumatic event? It was actually younger than eighth grade. But yes, I was trying to pitch and I was trying to throw strikes and I kept on hitting the batter.
• 15:56
  One batter, then the next batter, the batter after that, like four batters in a row. My dad was the coach. He was giving me the dirtiest looks. He was so angry at me and I'm standing on the mound and I kept looking over at my dad. Finally, he took me out of the game and put me back at shortstop and relieved me of my misery.
• 16:15
  But that was the moment that I wanted to be more mentally tough after having that kind of experience. I've had other moments and other experiences that were troubling and challenging. Again, we all have our wounds. My biological father left when I was a year old. So you feel that abandonment. You feel that splinter within your soul that you're not wanted, that you're not good enough.
• 16:37
  But whether it was that or something else, see, so often we blame the circumstance. Oh, your dad left or your mom did this, or you had this experience. And I'm not minimizing experiences because there have been people who have been abused and sexually abused and so forth. And that's
• 16:50
  cause of a lot of people's trauma in this world. One in three men even have suffered some sort of sexual abuse. For women, it's even higher. It's staggering the numbers. That really affects people because it hits you at your identity, at your levels of trust, you're betrayed. That causes major wounds in people. I truly understand that. I'm not minimizing that. What I am saying is no matter what happens, no matter what experience,
• 17:21
  revealed and experienced different in different people, depending on your consciousness level, your state of mind, how you see it. Because some people, it affects their entire life and it makes them
• 17:33
  use drugs and so forth and have a dysfunctional life. And other people have the same experience, but then they use it for healing and then the ability to heal others. And so different people go through different experiences, but it's what we ultimately think about it, how we process it, how we move through it, and how we heal it on the journey along the way, and then how we use it.
• 17:56
  to then become a catalyst for changing the world and helping others and healing others. So you can be a hurt person who hurts others, or you can be that wounded hero, that wounded healer that you get wounded, but then it is the very catalyst and catalytic event that allows you to be someone who then heals others on their journey. John, I've been both, and I'm gonna tell you, whether you know it or not, you've been right there with me. I remember reading the energy bus and then positive dog and the carpenter,
• 18:26
  And just going, I want to be this guy. I just didn't have the tools. I wasn't ready. I had still things to go. So I did a poll yesterday because I was telling everybody they were coming on the podcast. And we've got a huge following and a great, the podcast is blowing up. The book is blowing, the brand's blowing up. And I'm telling everybody you're coming out, I'm like, who's John Gordon? Yeah.
• 18:48
  And I'm like, how is that possible to not know you? So I did a poll. There was 1,200 people participated. 75% of my people didn't know who you were. So what? That's what I was saying. So I want you to know. No, it's okay. It's okay. I wanted to have you on because I love you and they're going to love
• 19:05
  There's just so much to learn from you. And having said that, I want to talk about that. I had it wrong. It was in eighth grade. You thought about killing yourself. Yes. What made you depressed? Because we've all heard the amazing stories and how you turn everything positive because it's...
• 19:21
  I know that you're not always positive, but you do your best to show positivity. But let's talk about the real nitty gritty because this is what everybody has. We've all been. I mean, people, people think I'm naturally positive. People think I'm going to be this Mr. Positive guy. Yeah.
• 19:38
  And even like right now, I'm battling this really bad cold sinus infection that hasn't got away since Christmas. So I'm battling that. Been doing speaking engagements all over. Red eye the other night. Didn't even sleep in a bed. I saw that. Slept on the plane for a few hours and then talked, right? Gave my all, right? It's the battle that we all go through. But I was depressed. I mean, I was eighth grade, probably dealing with hormones and just really depressed and down. Can't explain why. Again, I believe it's a spiritual battle. I was feeling very separate from God and disconnected.
• 20:08
  I told my mom I want to kill myself. And then she freaked out. She's like, what do you mean you want to kill yourself? She like goes all nuts and I'm like, my mom, it's okay, it's okay. Don't worry about it, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. Literally I was trying to make my mom feel better so I had to snap out of it in that moment. Never talked about it again, but who knows what that suppressed emotion does in your life later on. My brother says that's why he eats his feelings to this day.
• 20:32
  But for me, I think I found some positive outlets as a result of that. And by the way, for the people who didn't know me on your list, it's funny. Even though I've been around for a while, I've sold millions of books, go all over to speak. It is interesting that a lot of people, yeah, don't know who I am. Wherever I go, half the room or more doesn't know who I am. But I always see that as a great opportunity. Yeah.
• 20:54
  It's not a challenge. It's an opportunity because what a great opportunity to reach more people, to connect with more people, to share this message with more people. It means I'm just getting started, right? I've been doing this for a while, but I'm just getting started. And for the next 20, 30 years, I want to impact as many people as possible with this work, with this message. And Kelly, I'm so glad you had me on here and that the one truth resonated with you because it really is about like, that's the message, right?
• 21:20
  First half of my life, you know, my 30s was Energy Bus. When I wrote The Energy Bus, that changed my life. That book has sold 3 million copies. I always tell everyone, read The Energy Bus, start there. But the next book I think you should read, yeah, it's one truth that just came out. Those two together, and it's so interesting, they both hit the bestseller list.
• 21:38
  The same week that The One Truth came out the first week, the energy bus hit it as well, 17 years later after it first came out. So for me, I say start with those two books and those books will help you on this journey of positivity, of optimism, of belief, of overcoming, of hopefully leading you to the truth and healing that we all need. Now…
• 22:01
  I know this, but I'm just going to share with everybody. So the energy bus wasn't picked up right away, right? There was a whole big story. You were big in, was it China or Japan that started? No, I was big in South Korea, not North Korea, but big in South Korea. I was big in South Korea, my brother.
• 22:18
  Yeah, huge in South Korea. Like a top five bestseller in South Korea. Like every book that I have that comes out gets translated right away to Korean for the South Korean audience. Kelly, if you and I go to South Korea, like we need bodyguards because like it's that big there. I'm called the David Hasselhoff of South Korea. And so when the book first came out, no bookstores would carry it. And even before that, rejected by over 30 publishers. Yeah.
• 22:46
  And then finally, finally, John Wally and Sons agreed to carry it. And then it's coming out. And then again, no bookstores carry it, but it becomes a huge hit in South Korea. No one can explain why or how. It just took off there. And then it took five years for it to be a bestseller in the United States. And been focused on that and doing that ever since in terms of just getting the message out there and just sharing it. Obviously, I do a better job if most of your audience doesn't know who I am, but I got to do a better job of putting it out there.
• 23:16
  So just commit to coming every time you write a book, I'll read it and then we'll interview on it. We'll get them here. They're going to see this because we signed up. I love it. This is going to go big for you. And I just this is you just did.
• 23:31
  Yeah. You did? We're on the number one sales and marketing podcast network in the nation. Congrats, Kelly. It's awesome. It's going to get a lot. Hey, you know what? This all started from being positive. I read the Energy Plus, and I was doing down the bad way. So this is where I want to go to, too, because I know all about your past, but there's one question I don't know. You always, and this wouldn't be a good podcast if you don't say this line. So you're Jewish and Italian.
• 23:58
  You grew up Jewish-Italian. What do you say? Lots of eating. I love it. A lot of food, a lot of guilt. Was your mom the Jewish one or your dad the Jewish one? My mom was Jewish. My father who raised me, my stepfather, he was my dad. He was Italian. Jewish-Italian family. Biological father was also Jewish. Biologically, 98%
• 24:27
  Ashkenazi Jewish, but culturally Jewish Italian family. And we celebrated Christmas. We also celebrated Hanukkah. We celebrated all the different holidays. But I got to tell you, you know, I'm a person of faith now. I'm a follower of Jesus. Jesus changed my life. And people say, oh, you put that in the one truth.
• 24:47
  I didn't put my faith in the one truth. What I realized was the Old Testament was a story about Adam and Eve and the separation of man and woman from God. I just talked about separation, how everything comes out of separation. Well, guess what? Adam and Eve is a story about separation of man and woman from each other and from God. Then you have the New Testament, and the New Testament, when you really dive into it, is actually a prescription back to oneness.
• 25:17
  And so Jesus is the solution to the separation. And he gives this prescription on how to come back to oneness and wholeness. It's the whole purpose because of the brokenness that happened. And this is the restoration that must take place. So once you understand this, it all makes sense in terms of that. So for me, as someone who struggled, again, with all these challenges, I tried every technique known to man. I practiced Buddhism. I practiced Buddhism.
• 25:43
  I was really into mindfulness. I was big into meditation. I was a new ager. I've done it all. Nothing would heal that hole in my soul. But then I gave my life to Jesus and everything changed. But I gotta tell you, if someone comes after the Jews, like there's been a lot of things going on where they're really attacking Jews in different locations and different places. There's a lot of anti-Semitism going on. You better believe, like, I will stand with those being attacked. I'll stand with anybody being attacked,
• 26:12
  anybody being discriminated against. But I know that I must stand with the people who are my ancestors. And I feel like I'm one with everybody. But if someone's getting attacked, I will take a stand for them. I got to tell you, you just took like 15 rungs up in my book that you grew up with a Jewish mother because, you know, now I know why you didn't go into deep about your being –
• 26:36
  depressed because she just probably just fed you to death and Jewish mothers, man. I get it. So that's awesome. That was a good story. And I appreciate that. And I'm Jewish. So I absolutely, we have a pretty good following of, of, of our, of our brothers and sisters, but I'm just on the, on the side of just being a good person. If you lead with love,
• 26:59
  Oneness. I mean, you just keep saying it. And I got to tell you, you and your entire family, for those of you who don't know, your daughter, which has got to be the coolest thing in the world, is following right in your footsteps. And she is brilliant. Your wife. And if you have not read Relationship Grit, I would argue that might be one of the best books because you got your brilliant wife, the brains behind the operation.
• 27:23
  I just I love and adore you and I you really model and people look and they think oh he lives on the beach and it's got this beautiful family but it wasn't always that way there was a time when Catherine was was frustrated with you to talk to the listeners about that because everybody thinks that you're just this rich millionaire and it's everything's perfect it's not that way. Now Kelly that's a nice word to say she was mad at me though she was gonna leave me.
• 27:52
  Like she was going to leave me because I was so negative. I was so miserable. The first time she almost left was because I lost my job during the dot-com crash. Didn't know I was going to pay the bills and we were crumbling. I was crumbling. I'm 30 years old. We had just moved to Jacksonville from Atlanta, lose my job. And I am blaming Catherine for why my life is so bad and why I've not lived up to my dreams and my potential.
• 28:19
  but you're blaming someone else. You know, that doesn't feel good. She said, I love you, but I'm not going to spend my life with someone who makes me so miserable. If you don't change, like we're over, like we're done. Like she was ready to walk out the door right then and there.
• 28:33
  So I begged her to stay. She agreed to stay. And I began to change. And I began to work on myself. And at first, it was becoming a more positive person. And I started to study positive psychology. And this was during the emerging field of positive psychology. So doing that really started to have an impact, right? I read you can't be stressed and thankful at the same time. Oh, I love that. So I began practicing these thank you walks every day.
• 28:55
  While I was walking, practicing gratitude, think about it. I'm flooding my brain and body with these positive emotions that uplift me, rather than the stress hormones that slowly drain and over time will kill me. I began just experiencing a different me. My wife noticed a difference.
• 29:12
  So she gave me a shot. I kept working on it. Eventually, I started writing books and newsletters and sharing this message out there of the things that I was doing and the tips that I was practicing. I started sharing. And that's what led me to actually do this work. So she almost left me then. And then years later, she almost left me when I told her the truth about how I was not a good husband and unfaithful early in our marriage.
• 29:39
  and was very honest about that and shared the truth about that and told her everything. And it wasn't like I had done like the deal, the major deal. It wasn't even as bad as Bill Clinton's sex. It wasn't even as bad as that, but it was still, still, it was still cheating in the eyes of God and in my own eyes and in her eyes. So after I told her the truth 10 years after it happened, 10 years, because I wasn't a writer. I wasn't a speaker when that happened. I wasn't,
• 30:08
  who I am now. I wasn't a person of faith. I had a lot of issues, a lot of challenges. I was acting out of my wounds, not my healing. A lot of times we act out of our wounds, guys, not our healing. So I was doing that. And when I came clean, I thought she was going to say, oh, that's no big deal. This is who you are now. Oh.
• 30:26
  She felt betrayed. She was upset. She was angry. Man, we almost didn't make it. But we put everything in the book, relationship grip. And we share it back and forth between our perspectives. So it's not just one of us talking, it's back and forth. And people love the way we go back and forth to tell the entire story. So you're actually seeing it through our eyes. But we don't share, like this is not a book of how great we are. This is our flaws. This is our mistakes.
• 30:55
  This is what we did wrong. This is what we did so you don't have to do it. This is what you could do to build a great relationship, to have relationship grit. And that grit stands for God. May God the center of your marriage. Couples who pray together, 99% stay together. So if you are a praying couple, 99% of you will stay together. That's powerful. R, resolve. Resolve to stick it out.
• 31:21
  There are no other options. There is no plan B. The grass is not greener. The grass is green where you water it. You resolve. You invest. Invest in that relationship. Make sure you're communicating, connecting, committing, and caring. You do those four Cs. You read the book. You put those into action. You will see your relationship improve dramatically. And then T, together. T, together.
• 31:45
  Can't be just one of you. You got to do it together. If one of you wants it, but the other doesn't, it's not going to work. You both have to say, we're going to do it together. We're going to commit together. And we give you a framework on how to do that together. And guess what? We've got a lot of emails from people who we're going to get divorced.
• 32:01
  And they sent us pictures of their second honeymoon. They sent us pictures with the whole family together. They sent us pictures of their marriage. They were not married yet, but they were going to break up. But they stayed together. Now they're married. So it's been really rewarding to write a book like that with my wife. And the fact that she's going out there, speaking on it, talking about, you know, she's a rock star. It's great to see because this was her second act.
• 32:24
  Like she only started this in her fifties for years. She was just in the behind the scenes, taking care of the kids, doing it all. Now she's meeting all these people, giving out this wisdom and sharing it. And people are realizing that she has a lot of great ideas to offer. And she's a strong woman.
• 32:39
  Okay, for the people that didn't know John, make sure that you follow him on John Gordon, spelled J-O-N, John Gordon 11 on Instagram, because that's where I did the poll. And you see, this guy's salt of the earth, people. He's made every mistake. He's human, and he's vulnerable. I always say vulnerability is cool, John. You are...
• 32:59
  I'm going to say this, and it's not going to be weird, but I'm going to tell you, I love you, man. I feel like I know you. Thank you, brother. And it truly, you bare your soul. And so did Catherine. I love the back and forth in relationship. Great. You asked to keep it at 30. Can I have 10 more minutes? Because we didn't even get into all the questions. 10 more minutes? You got it. You got it. We got to add value to people's lives. We can't leave without that.
• 33:20
  You're giving a different part of you, and I love it, and I just appreciate you. So, hey, how come you haven't talked to the Detroit Lions, by the way? The Lions won yesterday, so how come that's the one team you haven't talked to? Wouldn't you like to talk to them? They clearly don't need my help, Kelly. So faith plays a significant role in your work, of course. We just talked about it over and over. How can individuals strengthen their faith and connect with God in their daily lives, especially in these challenging times?
• 33:47
  Just make it a practice. Just make it a time to just, as you did, you just trust. Just start trusting each day. Take a walk and say, God, I trust in you. I don't have all the answers, but I trust in you. And then while you're walking, just surrender. God, I don't have...
• 34:03
  All the answers, I don't know what's next. I surrender my will. I surrender my fear. I surrender my pain. I surrender all the stuff that I have in me that I just want to let go of, all the stuff that I'm holding on to. I just surrender it all, God. And I just ask you to come into my life and use me for your purpose and guide me towards my purpose. Just use me. Just help me, God. You know what's interesting? I don't know.
• 34:30
  It's like what we resist the most, right? We resist the most. It's actually what we need the most. And so we're resisting it, but we need it. And so many people just stay so disconnected and they don't realize how much they need it. And I would just ask those people, how is it working for you? How are you doing living life this way?
• 34:50
  We have so many people going through life fearful, anxious, worried, miserable, and stressed. Kelly, it's become normalized that so many people are actually dealing with this and feeling that way that we just go, oh, yeah, that's the way it should be. No, it's not supposed to be that way. You're not meant to go through life that way. You're meant to go through life with power.
• 35:11
  with peace, with joy, with love, with purpose, with connection, with wholeness, with oneness, with confidence and courage. That's how you're meant to go through life. So if you're lacking power, I want to encourage you, take time each day to connect with the ultimate power. Just give it a shot. Read the one truth. In the back, I have an acronym, P-R-A-Y-E-R.
• 35:33
  P-R-A-Y-E-R. And you can just do that on a daily basis and just try it out. Praise, which means practice gratitude. R, repent. Repent for your mistakes. Repent for the things you've done wrong. Ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt and forgive those who have hurt you. Let it all go. A, ask. Ask for what you want. God, I want forgiveness.
• 35:59
  Greatness in my life. God, I want great clients. God, I accept all the amazing things in my life. God, I ask for you to help my daughter find an amazing husband in her life. I ask God all the time, God, bring a godly man into my daughter's life. She's 25. We need a great young man who honors and adores her. I ask for that all the time, right? So I ask. And then there's yield. Yield is the surrender part. We just talked about that. I yield, I surrender. And then there's the E. E is expect. Expect.
• 36:28
  You expect and you trust. Trust, the T doesn't fit there, but the E does. So we go expect and then you trust. So you trust that God has a plan. You expect great things to happen. You expect miracles. I really believe, Kelly, the more you expect miracles, the more you see miracles.
• 36:45
  The more you expect God to do something amazing, God will do something amazing. So often we actually cut off the flow of the abundance that God wants to give us. We cut off the flow of miracles. God wants to give us these amazing miracles and abundance in our life, but we don't believe it's possible.
• 37:00
  We poo-poo it. We don't trust and we never receive what's meant for us. And that's the R, receive. You got to receive on a daily basis. Receive the blessings. Receive the gifts. Receive the healing. Receive the abundance. Receive the love. I even receive all the people that I'm meant to help.
• 37:18
  I receive those who you want me to help today, God. Put them on my path and I receive it. And it's amazing. P-R-A-Y-E-R. P-R-A-Y-E-R. Prayer. That will change your life. Do that every day for 10 to 20 minutes. Just do it every day.
• 37:35
  and see how it renews your mind and heals you. I've been doing it now, Kelly, 20 years. It's why my mind and my soul and brain are so much different. It's why you are saying, since you read that book, you're renewing your mind and you're feeling different, because you're now open to the power, the healing power that's moving through you in a spiritual way that's now healing, renewing you. It's like this flowing stream that's flowing within you, and it's
• 38:02
  Clearing out all the debris and all the stuff and all the crap within you. Clearing it all out and renewing and recharging you. It's why you feel lighter and freer. Everything you say, because I believe and I expect it to happen. So I'm living proof of the one truth. If I sat back and told you the stories, I sent you my book, but I'm living proof. And I expect to win. And it's from daily. I ask very specific requests of God.
• 38:32
  And I get it back every time. I introduced your team to a gentleman, Marcus Collius, that I didn't hear Steven Scoggins say it loud enough. It was, you know, he gets in on his. So I was like, yeah, whatever. And I laughed and I was thinking about it. Then I met another guy and he said, I want you to do something for me.
• 38:50
  And I want you to freaking ask something very specific for God. And I want you to pay attention. And I did. And it came true. And now I keep asking. And he keeps delivering. But I want to say to you something. People that don't believe what John is saying and what I'm saying. What we resist persists. And that is God saying, God, if you look back, hindsight is 20-20. And if you would have changed what God told you, and when you do change it, you see the alignment happen.
• 39:17
  there's your oneness. I'm telling you, I believe this. I feel your words right here, John, and I love you for it. And you guys gotta go out and get this book.
• 39:28
  All of his books. I messaged you one time. How do I get like a package of them? That's what I want to give people. I give people books. I give out the – you're going to be mad at me, but I give out the four agreements to everybody because I just want them to understand. That's what changed my life, the four agreements. No, that's a great book. And a lot of people have found –
• 39:47
  healing from that book and it helped people on the way. Here's the deal, Kelly. I don't care what book you read that gets you to the point where you become a reader. My book has been that book for a lot of people like The Four Agreements. My book was the catalyst. Four Agreements is the catalyst. Other people, it's Agmandino's book. It's Victor Frankel's books, Man's Search for Meaning. For me, it was Richard Bach and Jonathan Livingston Siegel and Illusions. Those books impacted me. So it doesn't matter what book it is, the key is
• 40:16
  do you then start to read more and more and grow from the books that you are reading? So I'm glad that book led you on this path because everybody starts somewhere and then we go on a path
• 40:28
  on the journey. I want to grow every day, grow every day, help one person every day. I'm alert at all. I just, I got, I got books everywhere, everywhere. And if I could show you where I got things, I love to read. It's just, it's free. It's cheap. You're also, you speak to a lot of teams and about leadership. So you've spoken to many numerous leaders and teams. How can the principles in your book be applied to leadership, both in professional and personal contexts?
• 40:56
  Well, I mean, these leadership books that I write and these talks that I give to teams or organizations, whether it's a sports team, I work with a lot of NFL teams, NBA teams, a lot of corporate teams and work with all these organizations. It applies because everybody has a team. Everybody needs a team to be successful. No one creates success alone.
• 41:17
  So we all need a team to accomplish something great. So you got to learn to build strong teams in your life and to develop great relationships. So The Power of a Positive Team is my best book for that. It's what the Dodgers have read and the Rams and the Miami Heat. A lot of these teams read my books and it helps them become a stronger team. Like you'll never have commitment without connection. Okay.
• 41:39
  The more connected you are, the more committed you'll be. So you want to have a strong team? You want commitment? You got to create connection first. And in that trust, in that relationship, in that bond, in that connection, you now have greater commitment to be a stronger team. You want a committed client. You got to get connected to that client. You got to earn their trust. You got to build that relationship. So in every aspect of business or sports or life, the principles are all the same.
• 42:07
  You know, I'm going to ask one question I didn't even put in here. Can you define happiness for me? I always say don't seek happiness because happiness is a byproduct of living with passion and purpose. I also say don't chase success. Decide to make a difference and success will find you. And how do you even define success? I believe it's happiness.
• 42:28
  God's it's, it's the fulfillment of God's plan for your life. Dr. David Jeremiah said it. It's the fulfillment of God's plan for your life. Like to me, that's success. Did I fulfill the plan that was meant for me? Happiness is a fleeting moment of feeling that, that moment of, of goodness. But I also believe that joy is what I'm really after. I want to feel gratitude and joy that is not dependent on any circumstance.
• 42:57
  Yeah, you just took that right because that second would have been success. I find the more peace I am with myself, the more happy, the more joy, the more everything. And the peace just is with doing the daily rituals, talking to God, taking your gratitude walks, meditating. Obviously, I work out every day. I have to do these every single day just to be whole or one.
• 43:21
  And so what message or key takeaway do you hope the readers and listen? Kelly, Kelly, I got to coach on that for a second though. People listening. Okay. You don't need to do that to be whole. The more whole you are, the more oneness you feel. You actually want to go do those things.
• 43:41
  And so it's out of oneness and wholeness that makes you go work out. So someone who feels more connected and one goes and works out because they know they are whole, they are one. It's actually the person who feels disconnected and divided that doesn't work out because they don't feel whole. So they don't take action.
• 43:59
  you're absolutely right I stand corrected you are Master Yoda and I'm going to be seeing you in live finally you know I missed you by two seconds in Nashville when you saw Craig I was meeting Craig in Nashville and I'm no way you just missed John Gordon I go you're kidding no way he goes he pulled up he shows me his camera he goes look
• 44:21
  So I'm going to see you at Amberley's event in Dallas, and I can't wait to hug on you. Sweet. I'm excited to shake your hand. And I just can't tell you how much influence that you've had in my life. And I'm going to continue the torch that you and how cool is it that you that now you get to hang out with your buddy Ed all the time. I get compared to him all the time, even though I've done nothing compared to him.
• 44:47
  I just look, I'm big and I'm loud. So that's about all I got, the comparison. And you both have great hearts. You're both powerful men with great hearts. And I think that's what's cool. Ed is a great guy and I love Ed and just an amazing human being. And his heart is just a massive heart of caring. Yeah, it's funny that he's my neighbor now, like only lives about three miles away from me in Florida. So it's really cool.
• 45:13
  I built a house during the pandemic down in Florida. I'm on the other coast from you guys. It's just, they figured something else out down there that I, it's like another country. I love it. But let's end it with this. What key message or what message or key takeaway do you hope readers and listeners will gain from the one truth? And how can they begin applying it to their lives today? Kelly, can I turn around on you and ask you, what do you think readers will get from it? What did you get from it in terms of applying it to your life today?
• 45:44
  You're going to, you know, I have to look at everything from a bigger perspective. I've read all of your books and all of your books are about consistency, being peaceful and one with yourself and really love and positivity. Everything with me begins and ends with love. You got to love yourself because if you don't love yourself, you can't love anybody else. And then when you do that.
• 46:09
  You emanate this energy around you that people mistake for positivity. So everywhere I go, I end up running into people and they want to freaking talk to me. And whoever I'm with, if I meet somebody new, they're like, what are you doing? I don't know. This is just who I am. And I just read every single one of your books. I listen to your podcast. I listen to Ed's podcast. And I rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. And then new opportunity. And I'm available. I'm available.
• 46:36
  I make space to allow things in my life. And I just know that I'm learning all. And every day, every day I've realized, and from your books are this way too, it's every day I realize the more I think I know, the less I do. And just, yeah, I'm on a journey too. I want to learn, grow, continue to improve. And I just hope people get from the book, one of the big takeaways is don't listen to yourself, talk to yourself.
• 47:04
  Don't listen to those negative thoughts. Don't listen to the fear. Don't listen to the doubt. So many of us believe the lies that are coming in all the time. I want people to remember those five Ds that try to sabotage us, the doubt.
• 47:16
  the distortion, the lies, the distractions, the discouragement, and the division. And I want people to overcome those five Ds, to live the life that they were born to live, to live fully to their potential, to live with that power and that confidence and courage that God wants them to have. See, God wants you to be powerful. He wants to give you power. He doesn't
• 47:40
  Why does God want you to have power? So you can be a powerful force in this world and have a powerful impact on others in a positive way. God wants to make earth like heaven. His sole goal is to make earth like heaven. And how is he going to do that? Through us. How do we make earth like heaven? By loving, by serving, by caring.
• 48:04
  by taking our energy and making the world a better place. With that power, you can make the world a better place. If you feel powerless, you won't. So guess what? I want people to realize that there's a force trying to make you feel powerless and weak.
• 48:20
  But there's a God trying to give you power so that you can recognize who you are and make a difference in this world. And Kelly, do you have a lot of men who listen to this? I imagine you do. You have a lot of men who listen to this podcast? I imagine you do. Yes, yes, yes. A lot of men. 80%. Okay, I want to speak to the men listening to this for a second. This goes to the fact that
• 48:42
  I've been talking to a lot of men recently and a lot of men are really struggling these days, like with their identity, with, with who they are, with recognizing their power. What does the world expect from me? I'm supposed to be this way and that way. And what about being a manly man? But what about, you know, making sure that I listen and care? All of that's really important to understand. But, but here's the key. As a man, you were meant to hunt.
• 49:07
  You were meant to chase. You were meant for adventure. You were meant for boldness. That is who you're meant to be as a man. A man is meant to be bold and go after adventure. You're meant to be a lion. There's a lion inside of you. The problem is too many men have forgotten who they are and they become house cats.
• 49:31
  They become domesticated. They're no longer chasing. They're no longer striving. They're not going after anything adventurous. They're not being bold. They're sitting back and they've forgotten their power and who they are. So I want men to recognize you're not meant to be that house cat. You're a lion. Remember who you are in the inside. There's a lion within you. Go chase something. Go attack a new opportunity. Go be bold and adventurous. And you may fail along the way.
• 50:01
  The house cat's worried about failure. The lion doesn't care. The lion continues chasing. And that is who you have to be. That's who you must be to be all that you're meant to be. Be the lion. Is it fitting that I flew back to Detroit today for the lions? We're going to bite some kneecaps and we're going to freaking try to win this Super Bowl. I don't know how we...
• 50:21
  I just got to play off of what you said. You're amazing. I, I God doesn't create limits by the way, you know that. Yep. So, which is funny. My word for this year, I've been doing this for years from you. I, if I showed you my office and I've printed off your one word thing and put it up every year, this year limitless. What's your word? My word this year is first.
• 50:46
  Love it. I don't know how we went all this way. Two more things. Have people DM me if you want to know why I picked my word first. DM me at John Gordon 11. At John Gordon 11. J-O-N Gordon 11. If you want to know why my word is first.
• 51:02
  That's actually I do want to know. But vulnerability is cool, guys. That's the one thing you could still be a lion and be vulnerable. I tell you, the more vulnerable that you are, the more trust and connection that you have. It's just it's cool, guys. And I don't know how we went all this way. And I'm going to this is the last thing.
• 51:21
  Talk to me about, I take my dog, it's snowy walks here, gratitude walks every day. And I do it in Florida. It's a lot easier to do in Florida than sunny. Talk to me about the power of these walks. I see you taking them. I take them. Ed takes them. It's like a necessity. The power of gratitude. That's in every book, John. Gratitude. Everything happens for you, not to you. And if you look at it as an attitude of gratitude,
• 51:51
  Ooh. So talk to, let's, let's cleave it home with, with gratitude. Well, I appreciate you and I appreciate that we can help others. Yeah. Gratitude is the key. Can't be stressed and thankful at the same time. So if you're feeling grateful and feeling blessed, you won't feel stressed. So that gratitude is essential for your health, your happiness, but think about gratitude. It connects you. It connects you to God. It connects you to others. Gratitude.
• 52:14
  Vulnerability connects you to others. Ego disconnects you from others. So ego says, I did all myself. Ego says, I don't need to thank anybody. But in gratitude, you're realizing, you know what? I'm not the creator of it all. I am not in charge of it all. So I'm just grateful for what I have. So it puts you in a posture of humility and allows you to connect to a greater power, to a greater source. Okay.
• 52:40
  to others as well in the process. And when you practice that gratitude, again, abundance starts to flow into your life when gratitude flows out of your heart. So the more you're grateful, you get more things to be grateful about. You're looking for the things that you're grateful for. You will start to find more things to be thankful for. And then I call it, you become a gratitude magnet. You start to attract more things to be thankful for as you become that gratitude magnet. When I'm stressed,
• 53:08
  You pop on my shoulder and says, you can't be stressed and grateful at the same time. And I say three things that I'm grateful for. And it could be the dumbest little roof over my head. The flight that was smoothed back from Florida. And I'm telling you that works. And I'm going to steal another one of your thunders. How much I read all of your stuff. There you go. Edging God out. I love you. Thank you so much. Feel better, my brother. To give you a hug. Just a hug. Just a hug, Kelly. Just a hug. Okay.
• 53:37
  Thank you so much, John. Have a great one. Ed and I were playing golf. And I posted on social. We're playing golf together. And I go, Ed, how am I playing? How am I doing? He goes, you're doing great. He goes, John's doing great. He goes, I'm not playing so well, but John's playing good. Ed's a million times better than me. Like, I don't even play golf. That's the one time he responded. I said, I love seeing you guys play.
• 53:59
  that's what it's all about. You got to do the things that you love. And seeing you guys together warms my heart. And I said, dude, I love seeing you. And he replied, thank you. And I was like, oh, I finally responded. But where were you going to go with it?
• 54:10
  Yeah, so I was going there and I just – it's like as men, you have to hang out with other men and make sure that you make time to connect. It's important. Men need other men and you give each other bro hugs and you love each other and you connect and that's healing as well for men to spend time together in that kind of way. I kiss all my friends. I don't care. I make it weird, man, because we're not – On the cheek, right? On the cheek? On the cheek. Yeah, on the cheek. Come on, man. I'm going to give you one too.
• 54:41
  Thank you so much. This was great. And everybody go out and get the one truth. It's so good. I read it six months ago and I read it again and listened to it. John, you're doing great. Keep doing it. Thank you, my brother. God bless you, brother. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters.
• 55:00
  Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.