Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / You Can Be Grateful and Still Be Healing with Albaner C. Eugene

Transcript

You Can Be Grateful and Still Be Healing with Albaner C. Eugene · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: That's the issue, though, Al. You have people getting married.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: They love these folks, but they don't like them.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: They don't like them, yo. They don't like people. Because Jokas, Jokas,
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: they feel like they got to settle because of the pressure,
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: the grief, the anxiety. I'm hearing the dating streets is terrible.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: I'm hearing it's getting wild out here. And I'm like,
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I ain't going live. Based off the stories I heard,
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll make it. It's too... If
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Jokers is moving like that, it's like, my thing is,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: where do these dates be happening? Because I feel like,
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I tell my sister all the time, climb your ladder,
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: do what you're doing, build your life. And you're going
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: to be in new rooms with people who, because my
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: sister is extremely educated. She's got a lot going for her.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I don't want her to date someone who is going
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: to bring a level of stress to her. Because they're
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: not on the same page.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to Just Heal with Dr. J, and I
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: am your host, Dr. J Barnett.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Listen, where we are healing in real time. And I
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: want to invite to our healing community today, my good
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: brother and friend, Al Bonior.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: So man, how you feeling, brother?
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I'm doing good, bro. I think for me, I'm grateful
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: to be alive. Like no exaggeration, especially, I mean, your story,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: you already know the stuff that you've been through. Like,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I feel like that, your message, every time I've heard it,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: the more I hear it, it's like, it's powerful. And
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful to be here, still breathing, still doing great work.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, bro.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I don't take life for granted. I would say even
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: now more than ever, for sure.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Okay. Pause before I say this. Go deeper.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Go deeper?
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Yes. Man.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I know that you're grateful, but what has ignited the
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: gratitude for you to go deeper into that space of gratitude?
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a new layer of gratitude, though.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've been grateful, but now it's like
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I've had this almost like epiphany of like, man, I
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: don't remember too much. I don't like that. I was like,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I have to really recall. Oh, yeah, that did happen. Oh, yeah,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I did do that. Oh, yeah, we did go through that.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: And it's like, then there's moments I can vividly remember.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Some of them are very peaceful. Some of them are
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: very chill and beautiful times of maybe my childhood. And like,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: as I get older, I've been like, I like to
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: sit and just kind of reflect. And a lot of
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: the memories that I really do remember, I was safe.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I was present. I was enjoying what I was taking in,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: so to speak. And I think the moments that I'd
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: be like, oh yeah, I forgot about that. It's like, well,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: what was going on during that time that I couldn't really,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: or why is my body not joyfully recalling it? And
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I think the best way to describe it was I
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: endured a lot. I survived a lot. I just was
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: trying to get through stuff that like, it's like, oh,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: but I like, you didn't really enjoy it. Like there
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: was so much that I kind of went through. It's like,
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: the focus was just get to the next day, get
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: through this painful season, get through this painful moment. And
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: it's like, you look back and you go, wait, dang,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I literally suppressed so much just to make it through.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: So now I'm just like, what a privilege to be alive.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: What a privilege to complain. We've had conversations where stuff
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: I'd be venting about, it's like, what a privilege to
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: vent about this type of stuff. I really want to just-
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: We call those good problems.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Good problems. Okay. And I just want to enjoy being
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: present because I'm like, yo, when I get to the
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: end of my life, when I recall my life, I
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: want to say every part, the good, the bad, the ugly,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: it was all a part of the journey, but what
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: a privilege to be alive, to experience this life. And
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I'm excited. I'm young. How old are you? I turned
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: 31 in February.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my God.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I know, I know. But look, here's the thing though.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like in your 30s, you get this time
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: to just Almost all what you've learned when you were young,
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  Speaker 2: your 20s, I feel like you get to really start
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  Speaker 2: applying it now. So I feel like what a beautiful
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: future I have ahead of me. And I just, I'm
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  Speaker 2: ready to, you know, apply what I've learned. I knew
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: he was going to go here.
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  Speaker 3: Y'all hear this dude. This dude said, in your 30s.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Listen.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: You're talking to a man who's mid 40s, right? This guy.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: And you look great, by the way. Thank you, bro.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: You look great. Thank you.
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: It's to sleep.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: It's the.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Not carrying things, not only that are not mine to carry,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: but also it's never meant for.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Me to pick up.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: But to your....
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: This guy said, in your 30s, and he's 31. Like,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: he's lived in his 30s. Listen, I love this for you, brother. Yeah,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: present now. Because the one thing that I would say
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: For me in my early 30s, right? Well, at 30,
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  Speaker 1: I had this light bulb moment where immediately I started
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: like really diving into that word purpose. I never forget,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I was at the barbershop and my barber was listening
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: to Miles Monroe. And Miles Monroe, he has a message
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: that still is on YouTube. And it's about finding purpose.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I can't recall the exact title. But I started really
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: diving into what purpose is and then what is my purpose.
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  Speaker 1: And then at 31, I had my second suicide attempt
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  Speaker 1: and then all this other stuff.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: But early 30s, man, were really like this time of
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: just trying to put it together.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like you're still piecing life somewhat together
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: because you just come out of your 20s.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And I feel like your 20s are just like, your
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: 20s are like the board game Scrabble.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? It's everywhere. Life is everywhere, right?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Because you don't know what you don't know.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: And I think even though your brain finished developing at 25,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I still believe that this is just me. I believe
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: that that development also takes time to really move in functionality.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And so I think entering your early 30s, the development
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: that has finished at 25 can now begin to process
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: in your early 30s.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: And that's just my belief. 100%.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Process alone, that's a whole thing. Yeah.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's just my belief. So you're 31, man.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Oh, God, man. And I'm saying this to you, bro.
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  Speaker 3: You got so much life ahead of you, man. Amen.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: And I received that.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: You got so much life ahead of you. Do you
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: feel like you've lived a long time? Even though you're 31?
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like I have. And you know what?
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I feel like I still also haven't lived.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
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  Speaker 2: So much stuff that I'm just like being able to
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  Speaker 2: experience now in this phase of my life. You know
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? Like married now. And there's so much
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: to that. It's like I got a whole little.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Pause.
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  Speaker 2: Pause.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: We're not bypassing that. I told you this is going
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  Speaker 1: to be a different interview.
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  Speaker 2: No, no, no. I'm here.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Talk about that, man. You're married now, 31. I'm trying
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: to be on my best behavior. You see, I'm trying
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: to behave. Don't be on your best behavior.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: No, no, no. Real rapid. I just feel like, you know.
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  Speaker 3: Talk about that, man.
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  Speaker 2: Man, God knew what I needed at the time that
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: I needed it.
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  Speaker 3: I'll say that.
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  Speaker 2: It was very important for me to get married. It
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: was crucial for me.
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  Speaker 3: Why was it important for you to get married?
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I think I'm going to say it the way God
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: gave it to me. Son, it's not good that a
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  Speaker 2: man be alone. And I was in a season... I
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  Speaker 2: know that's scripture. No, no, no. But that's for me.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't good that Albania be alone.
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  Speaker 3: Let's start there.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, why? Let's start there. I was somebody that I
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: worked a lot. I was very present in what I
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: believe God had me doing at that time. I think
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I had a lot to learn emotionally. Like just even
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: how to show up as a man, as a husband.
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  Speaker 2: I think I did a lot of leadership stuff. I
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: think I cared for a lot of people platonically. I
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  Speaker 2: think relationally, I think my life was, you know, for
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: the most part, I would say, I don't think there's
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: a word complete here, but I think there was a
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: season for everything that the Lord did in my life.
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  Speaker 2: And I think when I was dealing with some of
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: the stuff I was dealing with in my time of transition,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: meaning it was clear that the Lord was leading me
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: in a new direction. And for me to get to
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: that next step of my life, I needed to have
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: a helper. I needed to have a support. I needed
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  Speaker 2: to have a good woman by my side. And I
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: think when the grace of lifted off my life to
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: do the work that I was doing. And the best
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: way I can explain that is God gave Adam work
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  Speaker 2: to do. He finished the work. I was like, oh,
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  Speaker 2: this is good. But it's not good that he be alone.
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  Speaker 2: Whatever he saw in Adam is what he saw in me.
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  Speaker 2: It was time that this young man get him a nice,
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  Speaker 2: good woman to stand by his side. Because if not,
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  Speaker 2: he's not going to make it in this next phase,
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: in this next season. I think my wife, she has
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: been what the scripture describes as a helper. It's parallel
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: to the Holy Spirit. Like, She has been, I mean,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: one of my greatest blessings personally, bro. Like as a man,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: it's just my desire for companionship, the way it came up.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: It's just all at the right time. It was very clear. Al,
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: like go ahead and lock in.
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  Speaker 3: So here's the question I have for you. When did
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: you know that the grace had lifted?
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: That's a great question, bro. Dang. When did I know
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: the grace lifted? I was in my crib. I had
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: just moved into my first apartment. Um, no roommates, nobody.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: I'm all by myself. I'm all alone. Um, I was
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: navigating through an interesting transition with my church at the time.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: And it was like, okay, like I sort of speak,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: had like this instruction to start really pursuing my life,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: like really start thinking about what's next. Um, and I
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: was just, you know, hearing leaders in my life say
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: things like, yo, when you, when you going to get married?
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm, I'm, I'm cool then. But
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: at the same time, if I'm going to get married,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I got to start really doing more outside of my church,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: so to speak. I can't be here all day. the
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: time like this. And I cracked a joke. I was like,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: if I'm always at this church, how am I going
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: to meet her? And he's a pastor in my life.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: You could say sort of like a mentor, almost like
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: a father to me. He was like, you never know,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: you might meet her on the road. And I was like,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: all right, well, if you do. You know what I'm saying?
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: He gonna have to knock me over the head, get
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: me out of that mode and be like, yo, out.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because when we're, I've heard that same thing. When
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: we're on the road, like you're not.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Thinking about that.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: We're not thinking about that, bro.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: It's crazy. And then too, as a single man who
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: works in the spaces we work in, we can't talk
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: to people because it.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Is unfair.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: It's unfair.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Because if somebody see us talking to a woman, It
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: doesn't go across the right way from perception.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Because it's like, oh, is this what he do? You
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Especially because, again, we're on the
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: road road. So it's like today we're in Charlotte, tomorrow
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: we're in L.A., tomorrow we're in D.C. So, again, if
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: you're a single brother and somebody see you kind of
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: talking and it could just be like.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, there's something going on?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: And not only that, don't let somebody who saw you
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: at another city. And it's like, so I get you.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: When I'm on the road, man, I am like locked in.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: I see nothing. I hear nothing.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: And then parasocial relationships where people have a relationship with
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: you online.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: And they're showing up at all of the events.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: You don't even know about it.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: You don't even know about it. In your head, you're
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: married with two kids, a doll.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: And they're vocal about that. God told me that you are.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, wow. Listen, like, bro.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know you're dealing with it. Listen.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Brother. Because, listen, God, this is so good, man. Al,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: how did you handle that, man?
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Honestly, bro, keep it a man. Not even to sound deep.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I just didn't respond to my DMs. I never really.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: But how did you handle it? Did it ever happen
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: in person? I have a lot of community. So I
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: would say on the road, bro, a lot of people,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: they don't get close to me. But we do do
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: meet and greet moments. But I still have so much.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: I have a lot of people surrounding me. I don't
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: think anyone's ever. My audience is not. They not like that,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: but I do know, like, and I've seen the comments.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I've seen messages. Like, they're like, yo, God told me that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So your audience, it's more like they'll get in a
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: DM and say, God said. My audience is more, they'll
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: walk up to me and say, God said.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: That's so hard.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: You a handsome young man. You strong. Bro, when I
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: tell you.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Man, thank you for the compliments.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: No, bro, rap. Some of them see that and they go,
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not about to wait around. And because- We be
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: up for grabs, so to speak. It's like somebody eventually
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: going to grab you up. So it's like I could
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: see them like, all right, yeah, no, I'm oppressive.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: And I'll tell you what, brother.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Having high levels of EQ like us, it's like, man,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: sometimes it's what Solomon talks about.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Is that in Proverbs?
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Or maybe Ecclesiastic, the more you know, It's almost like
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: the more you learn, the wiser you become.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I know what you're talking about.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: It's almost like it pushes you into this place of agony,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm kind of paraphrasing.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I see what you're saying.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: You become very sorrowful. Yeah.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: There's a scripture that says, with wisdom comes grief.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it. That's it right there. With wisdom comes grief.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: And I feel like the grief, man, that comes with
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: having to tell somebody to actually hear it. No, God
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: told me that you're my husband, and- Me and my son,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: this is a true story.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I believe you, bro.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: Me and my son drove here to the event.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's tough.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: And, bro, to hear that in person, man.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's tough. It's tough.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: And I'm, it's like, man, God.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: But you got a team around you, too, though.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I'm shocked that they get close to you. I have
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: a team around me, but it's like, but it's not
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: that they get close to me.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Like, when we're moving Prada, right, and, like, you signing
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: a book that some person trying to hold your hand.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: A little longer. Just so you know.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying? You know, you can't.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: You know, throwing hook or, but you know, but, but I, I'm,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that you were able to discern when the
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: grace lifted.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I'll tell you, I'm at that place.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: The grace is lifted.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Hallelujah. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Once you started trolling, I was like, it's coming. Watch.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: But, and I'm gonna tell you when I knew that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: That Ruth Boaz thing that was going on with you.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, but that, that whole Ruth and Boaz thing, bro,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: was just, it was comical. CJ was, like, pushing it.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: CJ was like, man, just keep it going. And then Crystal,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: my manager, was like, she was like, stop it.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: It definitely was going to cause trouble, for sure.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Because, bro, it was.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: It could feel like an invitation to Joe, because, yeah,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: for sure.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Exactly. It became, like, this invitation, man.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: That's a whole other thing, by the way. Yeah, yeah.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: What people perceive as your seal of approval, they'll continue
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: or they'll pursue it. Like, I had to learn that
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: in my singleness. It's like, because, you know, we.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Let's say we're very conscious of other people's experiences because
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: of our education. We're not unaware to what people feel, sense, see.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: And let's say we could be a little more compassionate,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: more friendly, or more people who love to talk to us,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: people confide in us. And like, I ain't going to lie,
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: what a woman may see as, oh, he doesn't stop this.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: He doesn't deny this. Or he seems to be close
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: with me. Maybe this is a civil approval on pursuit.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: This could be something. People fall in love with us
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: very quickly. It's a whole thing. You listen and keep going.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: Don't bother.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying. That's real. Don't leave me hanging like
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: it's not real. I'm going to stop talking. No.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: I'm just letting that just sizzle.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: That's real though.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Because, brother.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: You need serious, serious boundaries and structure when you sing.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: Bro, it is. And this is for the single men
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: that are watching. I'm going to say single men.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Because when you have a high EQ, and as Al said, right,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: particularly for us who works in this space, and not
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: only are we emotionally intelligent, we also understand how to
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: manage whole regard, whole space for others' emotions.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: I understand. So what happens is sometimes support can feel
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: like connection. Yeah. We're just supporting, but to them, it's connection. Yeah.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: And, man, I had to learn that, Al. I can't
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: even say, you know, while I be praying for you,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: while I have empathy. Like, you can't say anything.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Barely.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I love you.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about? You better not say that.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: Because to a person who is open, to a person
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: who is vulnerable, to a person who is looking for safety. Yeah.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And guys like us or individuals like us, we don't
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: tell you this is a safe space. You feel safe
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: because we have to create safe because of what we
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: do and who we are. And what I've had to learn, man,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: is with great wisdom and great boundaries and listening to
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit, bro, and it's made me very secluded
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: to where I can't I had to realize, man, I just,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not, and Bishop Jakes told me this, you're not
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: going to have a normal life.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: 100%. And you got to be okay with that.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: And at first, I grieved that, bro. I'm just like, man,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I want to, I don't go out here in Dallas. Like,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? I just don't, man, because
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I've been out and somebody see you and it's like,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: they want to talk about their kid. They want to
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: talk about, you know, a new book that they got
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: on their healing journey. And You know, just even just
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: to be sitting down eating, you know, and I'm always
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: humbled that people want to thank me or thank us
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: for our work. But even that comes with a burden
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: because particularly for somebody who's single and know that you're
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: not with somebody. And if I'm with my mom, it's
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: almost like, well, can I get a conversation out of this? Like, oh,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: my God, he talks about you on the podcast. In
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: that moment, they feel a connection. As you said, it's
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: a parasocial connection.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: The relationship.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: And God forbid you don't reciprocate the energy. Because it's like, whoa.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: You have a whole relationship with me. And me, what
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I try to do is I try to make room
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: for that. And I understand. That's why I always try
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: to give people the opportunity to share with their story.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Because like I said, my audience is a little different.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I've had nobody approach me with no crazy energy. But
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: they have so much to share with us. They have
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: so much to say to us. They have so much to, hey,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: you got me through. And I try to listen. I
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: try to get my full attention. But it's a very, like,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: how I'm trying to continue to show up is, like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I'm still learning this space. I've had to overcome things
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: like social anxiety. Yeah, same here. Yeah, I've had to
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: overcome so much stuff. And so, like, I remember there
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: was one person. I don't even know if they'd know
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: that I saw it. We tried to accommodate them with
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: taking care of them in other ways. But they were like, oh, like,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: you know, he wasn't paying attention in the line. Like,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: he was looking over here. Yeah. He didn't give me
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: his full attention. He didn't give me a hug. And
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, man, y'all don't understand. I was getting kicked
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: out of the venue. I was looking at my team.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: They were telling me, Abby, I wrap this up. And
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I was trying to listen to you. It's so much
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: nuance to what happens. It's amazing because.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: You're trying to stay on task and stay on your
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: time marker or trying to get out of event. And
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: somebody's gotten deep into their testimony and their story, and
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: you're like trying not to rush them.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: But if they feel.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Rushed, what I don't like is you go to social media,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: he was this and he was this like, man, you
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: didn't understand the situation.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, come on, y'all. We wouldn't do that
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to y'all. And we know. We know how important that
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: moment is and that's why we try to create space.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: But some of the things I've done, I just lower
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the line. Like I don't do, I used to do
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: it Bigger lines, now I do smaller lines. I can
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: get through to people. Because another thing, if I get
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: too tired, like I notice people don't see, oh, he's tired.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: He just did a whole event. They see, like, oh,
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: he dismissive. And I'm like, come on, y'all. Like, I'm exhausted. Like,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: I have, so I'm even learning, as I'm getting older,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, dang, you can't hang like you used to.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: You just got to go again, as I'm getting older.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: You know, I just.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Come on, man. Get out of here. This dude here. 31,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: talking about as I'm getting older.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: You know, what a privilege to get older.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: Dude, it's beautiful.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: What a privilege.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: Dude, I love it.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: I wish I would have turned 44, 44 years ago.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Listen, I don't know about that. 44 is, like, I
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: can see 44. I can see 50. I see it all.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I ain't going to lie, like, you know, 60, 70, 80. Like,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like every decade got its own little journey
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: to it.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: It does. Like, the 30s. Like, because you only been married.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: How long you been married?
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: We made two years December 1st. Oh.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: So this December 1st, two years? Yeah, two years.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Put my hours in. It's crazy. I can't believe that, too. Like,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I got married. It's like, where I'm from, you know, well,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: that's not, not that it's not normal, but like, you know,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: getting married is still beautiful. It's still a privilege. It's
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: still an honor. Like, I'm honored to be a husband.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I'm honored to love one woman, take care of one woman.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Y'all still having fun?
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: We still having fun. Thank God. We don't got no
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: kids yet.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: Y'all want kids?
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: And listen, I'm not asking this question for- No, I
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: got you.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Matter of fact. So, and I'm not asking because I'm like,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: because that's the other thing, right? People will rush you
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: through life.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. When are you getting married? You get engaged. Like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: what do y'all, have y'all set a date? Like, let us- Yeah.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Let us sit with this.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: And let us do what's best for us.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: That was mine.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: I did what's best for me. And then you get married.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: Then it's like, when y'all having kids?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: Then you have one kid. Then it's like, when y'all have...
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: It's just like, let people live.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: And I think the people who say that only know
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: one way to live. They only know, okay, you do this,
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: then you're supposed to do this. Versus like, I think
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: we're in a different time. I think times change. I
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: think people change. I think timelines change. I was talking
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: to somebody the other day, just about even our industry
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: has changed. We got to be able to adapt. I
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: remember Jokers was doing some of what we do before
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: there was the internet, before there was freaking... Like we
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: were on Zoom or some of the electronic communications that
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: we use, you know, like some of the outlets we use.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Like there was a time when people didn't do podcasts.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Like I just feel like times change. You adapt. You evolve.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: You grow.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Like people back in the old days, they was getting
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: married at 17. You're having like 11 kids. I'm like,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I don't have I don't I don't have the capacity
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: for that. But that's it. you know, times have changed.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't know. History repeats itself, so maybe
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: that will come back. Yoga's having mad kids. No, I
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: don't think that'll come back. Yeah. I don't know. And
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I think, you know, I'll say this. I want children.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: I didn't always want children when I was young. I
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: didn't think I was going to have kids, but I
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: also didn't think I was going to get married, so.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Same here.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Like, I didn't want kids when I was younger, and
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: now I desire kids. And I'll tell you what's strange, bro,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: is the amount of people that have said to me, like,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: you're a red flag.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: I'm like, what?
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Because I'm 44 and I don't have kids. Like, this
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: is crazy. You know, but, which is, I'm like, what
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: are you talking about? Because I was responsible and I
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: really was intentional about my life. Now, I did go
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: through a period where a young lady that we dated
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: for years and, you know, we had a miscarriage and
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: we wanted the child and I wanted kids with her
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and And I'll tell you, man, miscarriage does a number
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: on a relationship.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: 100%.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: I can imagine.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Does a number on a relationship. After that experience, I
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: was like, man, maybe it's not for me. But going
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: through even the process of healing from that situation, it
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: restored even my desire again to have children. And then
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: not only restored my desire for children, but also just
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: my desire for companionship, partnership, and relationship because I think
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: it's threefold. Like I think in a union of marriage,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: you have a companion, you have a partner, and you
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: have a relationship. I believe that's what a marriage should
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: be comprised of. When you're no longer a companion, it
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: puts a weight on the relationship. And once that weight
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: is on the relationship, is now going to affect the partnership.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So when you say you guys are still having fun,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: have fun and find fun in the relationship.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying? Because you guys, because again,
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: you're still so young because you're still learning you. She's
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: still learning her.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And even when I'm counseling young couples, what I've noticed
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: is this desire and sort of like this infatuation to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: get there.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: You know, as if there's some trophy. No, there's no
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: trophy to get there to where you are this perfect couple.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: It's to understand the journey that we're both going to
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: grow and we're going to grow at different times. So
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: as long as you guys can stay in that vein
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: and understand that, listen, man, this is going to be
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: a journey that we have agreed to take for a
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: lifetime until God takes one.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: Of us home.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: That's real, yo.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because, I mean, bro, I've been engaged, and I
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: will say this, when I hear people talk about marriage,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I listen very differently.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I listen not just with a clinical ear. I listen
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: just from the ear of life. We're all changing.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Literally.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: I'll leave it at that. We're all changing. You got
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: to understand that this person will change in some capacity.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: And that's okay. It's how you guys communicate about that change.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Do you have capacity to communicate? Do you have capacity
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: to grow together? Do you have capacity to honor each
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: other's growth?
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: That right there.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: That right there. It's like you're choosing a teammate. You're choosing,
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: all right, I've done my life. I've lived my experience.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I have my experiences. I have my lessons. You meet
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: someone who's like, okay, you have your experiences. You have
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: your lessons, you have things that you've endured. And we
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: literally get to unpack that together. We get to share
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: and be intimate and be vulnerable and be respectful. Like
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: we get to do this together. Relationships are a privilege.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: They're a privilege. We're not entitled to them, but what
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: a privilege to be able to do life with other people,
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: to be trusted with another person's trauma, pain, or stories, memories, insecurities.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: What a privilege. I feel like one of the things
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: that our generation, with the way, I guess, influencers, maybe podcasters,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: maybe just the way people talk on the internet about
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: marriage or why they couldn't do marriage. We've been through
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: a lot. I think we've endured a lot. Some of
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: us got some pains and trauma. But I ain't going
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: to lie. You have to like women. And women got
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: to like men to enjoy marriage. And what I mean
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: by that is men and women are different. Men and
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: women are different. Like, I think most men, the men
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: that I see or that talk to me about their
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: struggles with their wife or with their spouse, it's like, okay,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: you got to understand women and men are very different, bro. Like,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: you treating her like she wanted to, bro. Like, that's not.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: Bro, I don't understand how men get older and women
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: get older and not understand we are inherently different.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: And that's just what it is.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: And we got to accept that.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: We got to accept that. Like, I wouldn't want to
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: date another me.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: You feel me? And it's like, in our attempt to change,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: to correct, maybe to the way we speak, it's like,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: I got to tell all my guys, you remember, you're
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: talking to a woman, bro. Like, there's a way she
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: understands things. There's a way she comes to decisions. There's
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: a way that she's going to behave. There's a way
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: that things are going to come out of her based
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: off of how you move, how you speak. Like, when
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: you understand women, but here's the next part. It's like,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: but you also got to like women. I love women, bro.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: And I don't mean that in like a promiscuous way,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: but I'm saying like when I'm with my wife, bro,
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: like if she's acting like, you know, the girls say,
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I'm just a girl. It's like, no, legit though. Like
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: when she's being just a girl, it's like, yeah, I
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: like girls. I like women.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Be a girl.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Be feminine. Be in your energy. I'm secure enough that
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: if I see something maybe that I don't like, I
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: know exactly how to speak to it. I know exactly
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: how to address it. I know exactly how to get
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: the best out of my wife. And my wife does
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: the same with me. Are we always perfect? No. But
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: the balance is remembering, wait a minute, I like this person.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I chose this person. I value this relationship.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: That's the issue though, Al. You have people getting married.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: They love these folks, but they don't like them.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: They don't like them, yo. They don't like people. Because Jokas, Jokas,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: they feel like they got to settle because of the pressure,
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: the grief, the anxiety. I'm hearing the dating streets is terrible.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: I'm hearing it's getting wild out here. And I'm like,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I ain't going to lie. Based off the stories I heard,
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll make it. It's too... If
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Joe is moving like that, it's like... My thing is this.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Where do these dates be happening? Because I feel like...
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I tell my sister all the time, yo. Climb your ladder.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: Do what you're doing. Build your life. And you're going
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: to be in new rooms with people who... Because my
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: sister is extremely educated. She's got a lot going for her. So,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: you know, I don't want her to date someone who
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: is going to bring a level of stress to her
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: because they just, they just, they not on the same page.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like we don't have to force alignment. We
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: don't have to force connection. We don't have to force relationship.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: It's like, I think we're so used to wondering if
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: we're liked that we're not asking ourselves the question, wait
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: a minute, do I actually like this person?
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Before I try to just be everything they need me
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: to be so that I could be chosen so I
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: can fulfill this deficit or fulfill this void in me
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: so I can prove to myself I am worthy to
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: be chosen. Let me be very careful that, wait a minute,
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: Let me do my part. Because then there's a whole,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: there's nuance to this where it's like, there's people who
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I feel like they'd be like, they make these unrealistic
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: standards for other human beings, let's say.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: You got an unrealistic standard or you have an unrealistic
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: attraction to this individual. You feel like this person at
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: their level, let's say they're a high performing, high achieving,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: just what the world would call high value man, right?
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Well, you can ask a woman, okay. What leverage do
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: you have that you feel that you would stop and
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: get that man's attention? Or to the guy who sees
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: a young woman, she's killing it. She's doing her thing.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: She got her own thing going. She flies. She's beautiful.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: She don't need nothing. She's not out here begging. She's
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: not out here acting like she's desperate. Okay, you see her.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: And he could be like, all right, well, you know,
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I want that woman. Okay, well, what leverage do you
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: have that you feel that you can be a husband
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: or a partner to this lady? Like, it's asking ourselves
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: those questions. Okay, and if you don't have leverage, let's
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: build leverage. If it's working on your physique, because we
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: know attraction matters. This is a whole thing for me.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm getting passionate. But let's say attraction matters.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: You're working on your physique. You have friends around you
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: who can say, hey, you know what? Matter of fact,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: you know, change is about your hair. Let's get a
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: better fit for you. Like, let's find clothes that fit better.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: But you got to be humble to step.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: You have to. You have to be humble to be married.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: You have to be humble to even be in a relationship.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: So to me, if you can't be corrected, let's say
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: in that one sense that you just brought up, you're
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: not ready. You're not ready.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: First card, Tara. If you're not humble and if you
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: can't be corrected, you're not ready to be married.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Let's take it a step further. You disqualify yourself from
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: doing life with people.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: We're going to move on, good brother, because we don't
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: have enough time.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: We don't have enough time, but I'm serious. If you
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: lack humility, you lack conviction, because that's another step further.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I'm going to practice humility, but then
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: sometimes my emotions are getting the best of me. I'm
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: convicted to love my wife, bro. I'm convicted to apologize.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: I'm convicted to humble myself and not do what my
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: pride is telling me to do or say. I'm convicted
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: to keep the culture of my home safe. I remember
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: one time me and my wife got into it over
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: some laundry, something real small. I paused there and I'm like,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: you know what, I'll just go get the thing she's
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: asking me to go get. Laura was like, go back
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: inside and apologize. I was like, ah. Because when you're married,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: you get randomly corrected. When you least expect it, you're like, okay.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: And when I went back in there, like, the revelation
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: for me is, like, if you don't fear the Lord, ah,
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: relationships are going to be difficult, too, because it's like,
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: what stops me from just doing whatever I want to do? Yes,
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: in my character, if I love people, if I value peace,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: those things are great. But when your emotions get the
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: best of you, when the Spirit of God can correct you,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: and then we pray. See, this is why, see, charm
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: is deceptive. Beauty fades. But then a woman who also
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: fears the Lord shall be praised. Why? Because my wife
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: needs to be convicted. You see what I'm saying? Because
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: as I'm leading and I want to set the culture
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: of my home as a home of peace, I need
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: to be with a woman who also hears from the
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Lord to say, hey, don't say it like that.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: And she's got to be humble enough to even receive
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: not only just.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: From you, but from the Lord.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: Listen, brother. We ain't here to talk about relationships. You
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying? But I love this discussion.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: I brought it up because somebody needs it. Because until
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: you heal your perception of relationship, you're not ready to
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: be in that relationship. And most of our perception today
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: and even our perspectives on relationships and our meanings about
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: relationships is all distorted. It's all tainted. It's all very
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: just warped from social media because most people are not
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: having These expansive conversation, like you and I can pick
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: up the phone and we can just go off into
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: deep and just have these discussions. Right.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: But that's not the everyday person.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: So they get their information. They get their Bible. They
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: get their learning. They get their tools all from social media.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: Right. They don't get this. Yeah. And so that's why
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: I thought it was great to really bring it up.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: But momentum.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: Like when you think about momentum.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you have this new book, Momentum.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: It is a hundred devotions.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a hundred day devotions, man.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: A hundred devotions to shift people into their space of.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: Finding a momentum.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: When you hear that word, what does that mean for you?
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I wrote here on the subline, to regain hope for
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: your life and future. I feel like that's momentum. When
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: you get hope again. When you know... I can keep going.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: I don't need to quit. There's more for me to do.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: There's more that God is revealing to me because that
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: gives you hope. The people in your life, like I
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: talk about three main themes, your relationship with God, your
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: relationship with others, and your relationship with yourself. And how
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: if you have a relationship with God, it's always going
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: to correlate to your relationship with people. And to me,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: the last thing that many people, especially in my space,
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: don't talk about is loving yourself. So like, All three
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: of those things are going to give you hope. When
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: you fall in love with yourself, it's going to give
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: you hope. When you finally come to that place, when
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: you accept yourself, you know that you are loved by
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: God and you know that God has graced people to
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: love you. You fall in love with yourself. When you
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: fall in love with God, when you get to know
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: more about God, when you get revelation from God, it's
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: like a light bulb. It's momentum. And then people, you
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: just said it, how we can get on the phone.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: A lot of people don't have that. Community is a luxury.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: And I feel like momentum to me, meaningful relationships, To me,
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: if you really look at what makes life beautiful, you
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: could be super successful, but if you have no one
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: to share your success with, it's like, you could see
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: a beautiful sunset, but man, it'd be better if you
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: could do it with someone you love. Like, man, look
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: at this. Let's experience this together. You could be living
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: your life and just desiring to be experienced too in relationship.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: What a beauty to be experienced, for people to witness
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: you be great, keep going, to thrive. What a beautiful
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: thing to know someone's cheering for you. And then same
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: thing back to other people. What a beautiful thing to give.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: What a beautiful thing to love and show for others.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: And then what happens is in your meaningful relationships, you
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: make meaningful memories. And it's what I said in the beginning.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: It's like, I want to steward my memories well. I
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: want to make sure that when I look back on
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: my life, it's like, no, no, look at the memories
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: I made. Some of them I'm not proud of, but
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: it also taught me things so that I can make
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: sure these next ones are beautiful, are better. And I
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: feel like there's people who want to quit. similar to
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: your story, that wanted to commit suicide. There's people who
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: were like, I heard a song, this kid was like, yo,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: tell my mom, tell my brothers and sisters, tell my father,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I just couldn't live in my body anymore.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: And I was like, ooh, I heard the lyrics. And
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I was like, yo. But that's how it is for
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: some people. It's like, this is too hard. And you know,
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: some of them lack community. They lack support. They lack mentorship.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: They lack just a friend. Like I wrote this book
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: as someone's friend. Like, hey, I may not be able
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: to get on the call with you, but yo, read
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: this today. You're not going to quit.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: I promise.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: I gave you something that you could try, some homework
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: for today. And yeah, I just want them to focus
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: on that day. I just found that I'm done living
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: in the past. I used to be such a man.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: I'm still farsighted, but I used to live so much
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: in the future. But now it's like, I'm going to
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: do today. I'm going to spend time with my brother today.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I'm going to love my wife today. I'm going to
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: enjoy whatever happens today. Jesus said, tomorrow has its own worries. Today,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: what can we do today? That's going to give me momentum.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: And it's like, all right, here, I gave you a book.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Yeah, look, that's yours.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: Man.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: Momentum.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: This is beautiful, brother.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it. I appreciate it. God is good. Everything
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: that I needed for myself, it's all in there. You
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? The journey is long. The journey
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: is long.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: You're going to read it right now, you buddy.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going to read this. I just opened it
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: up to page 46. Oh, wow. Breaking routine is often
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: how God reawakens us. Mm.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: When you intentionally choose experiences that bring joy meaning, something
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: shifts inside of you. You create memories that remind you
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: life is more than obligation. You meet people who think differently,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: live differently, and challenge your perspective. You learn, grow, and
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: stretch in ways you never could by staying in the
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: same patterns.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: That alone.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: I was about to say, we need to speak to
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: this before we close.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: Man.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: So I want to say this, breaking routine is often
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: how God reawakens us. I'm sitting here with my brother,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Al B.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: Alvin here.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: The challenge with most of us is that routine has
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: become so comfortable that to break it is going to
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: challenge how we feel in our comfort. And the only
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: way to allow God to do anything differently, even to
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to think differently, to meet different people, to
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: have different experience, you have to lead, or should I
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: say you have to lean into the discomfort of your
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: routine being broken. And the next page, you said, where
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: do you want to go? And I often ask clients,
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: it's like, what are you here for? I know what
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: we're discussing. I know what the problem is, but where
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: do you want to go? And I believe this. Movement
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: creates momentum. You got to move. You got to move
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: in your emotions. You got to move in your feelings.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: You got to move in your decisions. And This is
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: what Al is talking about in his new book. Drops
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: October the 13th. Everywhere books are sold. Momentum. 100 Devotions
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: to Regain Hope for Your Life and Future.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: Man, what do you want to say in closing? This
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: is a beautiful, beautiful book. I love the cover, Red.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: And, you know, I'm a psychology guy. I love how
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: momentum is all through the title.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, movement. Like, listen. The words of movement. Yeah, 100%.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: I love it, bro.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: That's what I say. God said he's doing a new thing.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: He was talking to people who were coming out of bondage.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: He was talking to people who were so used to
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: what they've been through, what they were going through, what
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: they were experiencing. He said, don't you see I'm doing
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: a new thing? Can you not perceive it? Because it's
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: hard to perceive when all you know is what you know.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: Watch this.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: To that same thing you just opened up to. When
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: I was talking about God often disrupts our routines. when
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: he's doing a new thing. You see what I'm saying?
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Because here's the thing, sometimes routines work extremely well. And
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: when you cannot perceive it, when you cannot, wait, wait, no,
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: this is what I did for the last five, 10, 15,
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: but God is doing something new. Let me stay sensitive
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: to that. But I'm gonna say it's a real practicality
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: because we're talking about love, relationships, people, community. Here's the thing,
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: when you are raised, Whoever they told you was your
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: family was your family. These are the people you were
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: close to, connected with, or felt like you had to
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: connect with. This is the family you're born into. From there,
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: you're going to maybe go to school. You're going to
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: have some friends that you meet because maybe y'all shared
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: the first period together. The same homeroom, same gym class,
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: same lunch. We got both math class we struggled with.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: We must be boys then. Oh, you don't have your
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: father in your life? I didn't have mine. All right, cool.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: That's our bond. We play sports together. Bet. You my guy.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Then I go to college. We both writing a paper together. Well,
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: I guess you my friend now. I guess we'll be
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: friends because we both got the same teacher that we
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: got to pass this grade at 1159. Then I might
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: get a job. And then at that job, if we
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: both don't like our boss, I bet maybe we cool.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: You my friend now. We go to happy hour together.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: We do this together. We go get drinks. We go
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: get food.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: We do this.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: My coworker, but in my eyes, you're what I would
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: consider my circle. Let's say you find a good church.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: You go to a church. Person sitting next to you crying.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: You crying. Say, I think maybe we cool. We go
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: to the same small group. We got the same pastor.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Maybe you, my friend. And what happens is when you
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: look up, you realize all the people you met in
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: your life were in places and environments where you were
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: forced to go, where you were obligated to go, where
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: you felt like you had to go. They're not places
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: that you, knowing yourself as you grow, would normally go.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: If you didn't have to go to school, you probably
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: wouldn't go to school. If you didn't have to go
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: to church, you probably wouldn't go to church. Meaning if
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: you were raised in that environment where your parents are like,
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: you got to be in church. Listen, if you never
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: worked at that job, you may have never met that person.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing. As you're growing, as you're learning who
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: you are, you're going to find there's something that brings
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: you joy. When you find a thing that brings you joy,
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: pursue what brings you joy. Go explore what brings you joy.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: If it's travel, travel. When you meet somebody on the trip,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: introduce yourself.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Because you're finally doing something that you would rather do.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: If you're at this convention, man, you love tech and
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: it's this tech fest and it's all these people who
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: are nerding out about the same thing you nerd out.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: This is not that, oh, I got too many friends.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk. No, no, no. You just
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: met people you obligated to meet. You might meet somebody
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: here that you just met day one and y'all closer
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: than you was with people for 20 years. You see
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? It's like, I want, there's momentum in
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: here for people to like, hey, break the routine. Like
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: even if it's, you're breaking your routine, it's going to therapy,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: like you said. If somebody came to you like, and
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: you like, where do you want to go? It's like, yo, congrats.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: You broke the pattern. You broke the routine. You're doing
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: something new to experience something new. What gives people hope,
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: what gave me hope is, yo, there's so many things
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: you haven't explored. So many things you haven't done. So
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: much you haven't learned. And for me, I'm finally pursuing
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: and doing what I know brings me joy. I'm in
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: no room that I feel like I'm forced to be.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: I'm in no relationship where I have to force a connection.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: I love being loved. I love being around people who
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: know they are loved. I love loving people. I love
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: serving people. And while I'm on this journey, I'm introducing
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: myself on the plane. I'm introducing myself in this new
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: room where, man, we all love movies, man. Because I
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: just never know who I'll meet. And I'd rather, in
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: this next phase of my life, continue to meet more meaningful,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: meaningful connections. Because these are rooms that I actually wanted
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: to be in versus I just grew up. And as
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: I was in the rooms I was placed in, I
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: just made friends. And it's like, man, I'm excited. That
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: gives people hope and keep going.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: It's a momentum.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: So many people to meet.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: Listen, brother, I'm so excited, man, for you to stop by, man.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you, brother.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: I feel good about this exchange, this dialogue. I feel good.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: CJ asked me, he's like, man, how you feel? I'm
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: not going to lie, bro. I did not want to
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: come back to podcasting. I can't stand it. And please
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: do not cut this. I want this to stay in.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: I can't stand it.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: People don't know it's tough.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: It is. It's tough. I don't like talking like that.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: Me neither. Oh, dude.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: Yo, I swear.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I like to speak. Like, I don't like
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: to talk.
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: I want to say brother.
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: Man, I love you, man.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you. It's beautiful to see your work
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: be on full display. Listen, I know this is your baby.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: You're hugging it like it's your child.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: For the people.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: Congratulations on the wedding.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: And a congratulations on you guys coming up on two years.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Keep having fun.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: Keep loving. Have children when y'all are ready.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Hallelujah.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Like, real talk, because this economy is, it ain't true.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: It ain't a child economy.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: I'm on tour, so you know I'm good.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: But anyway, though, man, but man, listen, good people, if
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: you're looking for momentum, if you're looking for hope, you're
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: looking for your faith to be increased and not just
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: hope for your faith and your walk in God, but
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: hope for your future and hope for your life. Because
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: oftentimes we are framing things around your spiritual walk. But
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: I also think we got to frame things just for
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: our humanity. And it's important that we remain hopeful for
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: life and for our future. Go out and grab my
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: brother's book, Momentum.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: Momentum.
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: 100 Devotions to Regain Hope for Your Life and Your Future.
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: My brother, Al B. Yes, sir.