Latest / DevQuestions with Tim Corey / 271. The Art of Saying No as a Developer

Transcript

271. The Art of Saying No as a Developer · DevQuestions with Tim Corey

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: No is a powerful word.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's also incredibly difficult to say, especially if you're trying to say to someone who has authority over you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: So how do you say no and have it be well received?
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we're going to talk about in today's episode of Dev Questions.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Dev Questions Podcast with Tim Corey.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Software development is more than just writing code.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about the rest of it.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Specifically, let's talk about how to say no well.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: There are two parts we need to discuss here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: First, we need to talk about learning to have healthy boundaries by saying no.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then we need to talk about how to say no in a way that won't get you fired.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start with the first.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Some people really struggle to struggle to say no, whether they feel like it's rejecting the other person to say no, or because they feel like they can't say no.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Either way, they're hurting themselves.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's talk about why you should learn to say no.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: So, number one, learning to say no is about managing your priorities.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: You just can't do everything.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you say no, you're being selective.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You are you're choosing which one to do.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you grow a tree, let's say you grow an apple tree, you really don't want to allow every branch to continue growing.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: You want to selectively trim some branches away.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because what you're trying to do is give the fruit on your tree the best possible chance to have the most possible nutrients.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So by trimming away some things, you are prioritizing other things.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're saying, I want to make sure that these things are fully successful rather than having little failures everywhere.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what you're trying to do when you say no.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're managing your priorities, you're trimming back certain things in order to give other things the priority.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, if you don't say no enough, you're going to be unable to do everything you promised.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thus telling someone no by default after telling them yes.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: So essentially what you're doing is you're saying, I'm not going to tell you no, my actions are.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And basically you make yourself out to be a liar.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: You hurt relationships.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: You tell somebody, yes, I will do that, but then turn around and don't do it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you may say, well, it's not my fault.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have time.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: But you need to be able to prioritize, go back to number one, and say, these are the things I can do.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: I won't have time for these other things.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Therefore, I need to be honest and upfront about it and say no, because I don't have time to do it.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: And therefore, even if I say yes and have the best of intentions, it's not going to get done.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you don't say no enough, number three, you devalue yourself and those you love around you.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is where you say, you know what, I'm going to say yes, even though I don't have time, and I'm going to get it done.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've worked with a lot of people like that, where they're like, yeah, but I got it all done.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, but you're working 16 hours a day.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: And while you may have gotten everything done, you may even have made the boss happy.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: What have you done?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: You've sacrificed your family, you've sacrificed your health, you've sacrificed your free time, you've sacrificed your long-term well-being in order to say yes to something else.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: So you said no to is your family.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: You said no to your health.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: You said no to your mental well-being in order to say yes to somebody else.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So by saying no, you have, by saying yes, you have maybe accomplished all the things you said yes to, but you then said essentially a hidden no to a bunch of other things that you would say are your priorities or say are things that you value.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: But what you say is not nearly as important as what you do.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And if what you do doesn't reflect your values and what you want to accomplish, you need to make an adjustment.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that means you need to say no to certain things that otherwise you would want to say yes to.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: So really, this goes against sometimes what you want to do.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: But you may say, Well, I want to say yes.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I understand that.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And your wants aren't necessarily going to be in alignment with what you have to do.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to make the wise choice and say no sometimes.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now, once you realize that no is an important part of your vocabulary, how do you say it without getting fired?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because you may say, well, Tim, I'd love to say no, but my boss doesn't accept no.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're going to talk about how to say no without saying no.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so first of all, be let's let's have some initial level setting.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's do some certain things up front that will allow us to say no.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, you have to understand your schedule and your priority list very well.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: If if you are a disorganized person who has stuff going on all over, you're gonna have a hard time saying no because you don't know if you have enough time or not.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't know what your schedule looks like or what your priority list looks like.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're just continually juggling and giving those those hidden no's away when you don't mean to.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: So understand your schedule, understand your priority list, and know this is what I'm working on, this is how long it's gonna take, and these are my priorities.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now, with that, number two, work hard to underpromise and over-deliver.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: I learned this really well as a consultant because the temptation is to promise what you think people want to hear.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, uh, we need to have this done in six weeks.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know for a fact it's a three-month project.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: But you're like, I will try my best, or yep, I'll get that done.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what have you just done?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: You've you've given them a hidden no.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because you said yes, and now six weeks in, they're gonna be frustrating you because you didn't get the job done.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: But if you think that it's a two-month project, or maybe it's a three-month project, and you say, you know what, I'm gonna tell you four months.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think I can get it done in four months.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's under promising, because you you think you get it done in three, but tell them four.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because then if anything goes wrong, you have that month to figure it out and still not give them a hidden no.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: But if things go well and if you work hard at it and you get it done in two and a half months and turn that in, all of a sudden you're the hero.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Even though they want it done in six weeks, and you said, I need to get four months, I need to have four months to get it done.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: That hard conversation up front then allowed you to become the hero, turning it in at the same time as if you had said yes to the six weeks.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: But the difference is if you'd said yes to the six weeks, the the customer would be irate at you that it's done in three months.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: But because you had set expectations well and then underpromised and over-delivered, then now your customer is thrilled with you for that same amount of time you delivered that thing.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So that's number two.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Now, once you have those two things going for you, then you can start in on number three, which is if you have to say no, explain why a task isn't a great idea.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: So this is no by reasoning.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you're not saying no, but you're saying is, hey, you know what?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: If we did that, these are the consequences.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: If we did that, it would cause these issues.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So you're trying to get the customer, your boss, to go, oh no, I don't want to do that.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you want your boss to be the one to say no by reasoning.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that's one way of attacking this saying no without saying no.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the next one would be to ask your boss which of your priorities should he replace by this new priority.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Again, that goes back to having a priority list and understanding it well.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I love this one because this is the one that really changes bosses' minds.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're not saying no.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: What you're saying is you're saying no by saying yes, right?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: What you're saying is not a problem.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: I can do that, I can prioritize that if you'd like.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Which one of these other things do you not want me working on?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now, you will get some bosses that say, I want you to do both.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that's frustrating.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that can cause issues, but at the end of the day, you can't work on two projects at the exact same time.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: So say, okay, but which one do you want me to do first?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can't work on both at the same time.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: So which one comes first?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then get them to tell you which one comes first and say, okay, I'll do this other one next, then, correct?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And start setting up your priority list.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Give your priority list to your boss and say, please rearrange it how you want.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because your boss is then confronted with the reality of you have to choose.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And your boss may not want to choose.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: They may want both done.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but you have to do in order.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do both at the same time.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: You can't type with two hands on two different keyboards and do two different projects.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: You have to choose one to do and then the next.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, therefore, what's my priority list?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: And by setting that up, then your boss is saying, okay, this one is less important.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And if they can't decide, well, how could you decide?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, what you're doing is saying no by saying yes.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: So you're saying, yes, but please order these priorities.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And another option is going to be to provide alternative ideas.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so this is a no by alternative.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so what you're saying is, hey, you want this done, and I can do that, but what if we did this instead?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: It wouldn't be quite as much, but it would take a lot less time, and we could fit it in in this time frame.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or what if we shuffled how the team is working and we changed up so the intern works on the project I'm working on and I do this instead?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: So provide alternative ideas so that you're not just saying no, what you're saying is what if we did something different that might accomplish the same goal or the same outcome that was desired while being less burdensome or changing how it's being worked on or shuffling up what you're doing.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: So these methods are how you say no by not saying no specifically.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you have a good boss, if you have a boss that understands, then sometimes you could say just no.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: But really, even with a great boss, no is a kind of a harsh stopping point.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's a, I'm drawing a line, I'm not doing this.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you probably shouldn't do that for anything that's not a lie in the sand for you.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, if your boss wants you to move to Japan and you're like, I'm not doing that, okay, that's a lie in the sand.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's a no.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you can still apply the alternatives, or um, you know, by reasoning, etc.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: But you really want to work with your boss and say, you know, I don't think that's the best idea, or I think that we could do it a different way, or I think this is going to cause problems.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you you really still want to, even a great boss, have that no without saying the actual word no, because you're trying to work with them, to collaborate.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: They are your boss and you do want to accomplish the goals that they have.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because at the end of the day, your job is to accomplish their goals for you.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's your job.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: So the way to work through this is to manage up, manage up the chains that are down, um, and work with them on making sure that your objectives are clear and main uh achievable so that you can achieve your goals and objectives and make your boss happy and do so in a way that is working through their priority list in the order that they want it done.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: You're not superhuman, you can't do superhuman things, but you can work with them.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Know is an important word for you to master using, and it isn't always easy.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: But if you do it right, you'll be able to increase your success at work and in everywhere else in your life.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: So thanks for listening.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: As always, I am Tim Corey.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us for this episode of Dev Questions.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: When you're ready to learn to think and code like a professional developer, head over to I am TimCorey.com and enroll in a course.