Latest / AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation / [EP73] How to stay present with people when you want to shut down (you don't have to go deep)

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[EP73] How to stay present with people when you want to shut down (you don't have to go deep) · AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

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  Do you ever notice yourself shutting down around people you love or at work when things get tense?
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  Hi, I'm Dylan Ayaloo. I spent more than 19 years in transformation work.
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  I teach yoga, I train yoga teachers, I built a yoga studio, and I trained as a martial artist at Olympic level.
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  I've also trained in the intervention methods that Tony Robbins uses, I'm a trained master Theta healer,
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  and I've also trained in various modalities of transformation.
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  I bring all of this into my work, so I'm not just a yoga and meditation teacher.
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  This is a clip from my live mini-awaken, where I teach and do healings and interventions with our members.
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  This member has done years of work on herself.
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  Her workplace has been thrown into an upheaval.
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  There is panic and anxiety all around her.
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  And she asked me how to stay present with people when part of her wants to shut down.
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  If this is you too, here is the answer.
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  what you're doing outside.
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  Like, you know, you could be gardening,
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  you could be cooking together or whatever.
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  Someone's talking at you or, you know,
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  or even like they're asking you a question,
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  like, are you okay or whatever.
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  There's the physical experience of it,
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  but also energetically that you're being present with them.
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  And also notice if your body tenses up
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  and tries to like shut down,
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  that you relax around them.
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  So you finish a session, you could go out
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  someone's in the garden and you know you just stand there talking about just what looks like
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  just like random shit oh the sunshine the fucking flowers or whatever you know brown plants snails
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  in the plants but you know it's not about like you have to talk about deep stuff or you have to pour
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  out your you know heart to them but actually you can be present with them and notice that you're
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  present with yourself you're not leaving your body you're not shutting and pushing anything down
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  you can like
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  when you're being with yourself
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  you're like
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  keep relaxing
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  you know
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  into
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  being with them
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  right
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  so they can be talking
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  they can be not talking
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  they can be gardening
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  whatever cooking
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  you know
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  you're being with them
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  like for example
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  yesterday I was having lunch
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  and
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  my niece is getting more comfortable with me now
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  so yesterday she came over and sat down
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  and she just started to
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  blah blah blah blah
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  like
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  for a long time
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  and I was like
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  yeah okay
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  oh how does that work
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  oh what did they say
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  oh what did happen
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  and I just let her like
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  blah blah blah
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  like you know
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  like for ages
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  she's a teenager
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  and it's cool
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  because you know
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  normally she doesn't
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  like it's taken her so long
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  to like relax
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  and kind of talk so much
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  with me
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  and by the end of it
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  I don't know
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  I was sitting there
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  I was sitting there for ages
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  like probably more than an hour
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  maybe two hours
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  she's like oh sorry
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  Uncle Dylan
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  like I've been talking
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  your ear off I was like it's all good you know we get to hang out and get to know each other
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  she's telling me about school and stuff so it's not about what she was saying or that I had to
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  have a deep conversation with her it was me just letting myself sit there and you know my head was
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  saying like yeah I've got a shitload of stuff to do I'm gonna get on to my stuff you know go and do
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  my work or you know like just do stuff basically I've got stuff to do and I could have easily just
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  you know, I've just got, I can't speak right now.
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  I've got to go, you know, we'll speak later or something like that.
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  But I was like, you know what?
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  I'm just going to sit here for a little bit and just be present
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  and be in the energy of that interaction.
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  And it was enriching because it wasn't about the content
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  because frankly, she was just talking about Gen Z, you know, BS.
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  But it's not BS because it was just her day.
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  her year school friends you know all the stuff i was like oh cool you know and i got to get to
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  know her a little bit and her thoughts um and you know like she's very good at drawing so like
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  really fucking good actually like artist level um like talking about what she likes to draw and
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  you know things like that um so it's really cool it was like a connecting moment you know
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  moment, like a couple of hours actually. And it's special.
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  It's up to you. But you've got another hour or two.
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  You can go and just sit there, have a cup of tea or coffee or whatever
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  or talk bullshit, like just rubbish.
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  The weather, the this, the that. Sometimes in the mundaneness of our normal
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  day-to-day, it's very profound in
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  simplicity. And letting yourself not shut down
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  up to them. Quick pause. Everything in this video is information. Where we actually do the work
• 4:52
  together is inside Elevate Premium. The daily practices and the live mini awakens where I do
• 4:58
  the healings and interventions with you. You can try it for free for seven days. The link is on the
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  screen and in the description. Okay, back to the answer. Yeah, there's a time and place for you to
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  like really share stuff and be like, look, I'm going through this thing. It's really difficult
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  and for them to hold that space for you.
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  But they can kind of tell already,
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  or maybe you've shared some of it yesterday.
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  And maybe you don't need to go into it more
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  because, you know, you can't or you don't want to.
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  Fine, no worries, you know,
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  but like letting them hold you, you know,
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  is like you're relaxing,
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  like you're relaxing to the seawater, right?
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  Like you're relaxing into that container of the family,
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  like letting them hold you.
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  You know what I mean?
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  And you're just talking like just day-to-day whatever,
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  which can seem like rubbish,
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  I understand. It's fine. I'm just talking day-to-day stuff.
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  But there is a holding that's like a containment of that.
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  And that you feel safe in that space.
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  It's another place to practice just feeling completely safe.
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  And you relax into it.
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  And that's being vulnerable. That's being open to that.
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  And letting them pour love into you.
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  Just like you're pouring love into them.
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  It's healing. It's nourishing.
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  So it's not always about, and probably never actually really about them being your therapist
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  and solving your problems and healing your stuff.
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  The healing happens by being with.
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  As you know from Inspire, we do the Be With exercise.
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  Being with each other.
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  Being present with each other.
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  So I just thought I'd mention that in case it wasn't clear enough.
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  And I'd say work, interesting that like, you know, your bosses are going away.
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  Holding space, you know, like holding space for people.
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  You're not doing like a full on, you're not doing any, not even full on,
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  like you're not doing any interventions.
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  You're not doing healings, you're not doing interventions,
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  you're not giving advice, you're not doing any of that.
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  But where you're coming from, especially after that healing,
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  is that you have your containment
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  and you're entering into this space
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  where there's like turmoil, chaos or whatever
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  and holding space, it's just like you showing up,
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  not I'm better than or I'm stronger than or I've got my shit together.
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  It's like I'm centered in myself.
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  I'm connected to me, right?
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  Like that's where you're coming from
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  because that's what you're feeling
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  and you're letting what needs to happen to happen,
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  like what to be to be.
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  you know not that well it's kind of slight similarity with the family side of things
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  like you know but then this is different this work right so i don't know maybe it's not acceptable
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  for you to go around giving hugs to people you know depending on the environment maybe it is i
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  don't know you know and you said before like i want to give them a hug it's like maybe you know
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  maybe it's appropriate maybe it's not i don't know you know the kind of culture in your environment
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  but even if it's like a metaphorical hug that doesn't mean you carry their stuff you know
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  me jumping in to the stream with you is very different to me feeling that you are there
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  and feeling what you're feeling and be able to give your hand and help you come out of it
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  so you know your example was like when you went you know to your managers and you said like
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  you know
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  we're gonna be okay
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  we're gonna work
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  you know
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  work through this
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  we'll find a way
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  and we will
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  you know
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  we'll get through this
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  we actually might get stronger
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  you know
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  and it's hard because like
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  it's not what they don't
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  probably have the
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  depth of work
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  that you know
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  you've done on yourself
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  so it's a time where
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  and trying to preach anything.
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  You know, it's like my teacher used to say,
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  preach all the time, just sometimes with words.
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  So your preaching is like your way of being,
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  you know, how you're holding yourself
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  and being centered but also vulnerable,
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  just all of the qualities that you've already developed,
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  you know, bringing you that level of you
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  when there is chaos at your workplace.
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  and you're not trying to be a pillar of strength.
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  It's like you just become a pillar.
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  And it's not even about strength.
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  Strength is in the vulnerability of it.
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  That you become like a lighthouse, right?
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  Like when there's like crazy seas.
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  So because of how you're showing up,
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  this is where like in a way this is your moment to shine
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  because you don't have to try and shine.
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  where the work pays off.
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  You show up just the way you have been
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  and centered, grounded in yourself
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  in times of chaos.
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  And I think without you trying to tell your bosses
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  what to do and stuff like that,
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  it's just going to be felt.
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  They probably already feel it.
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  And it's not about you not feeling anything
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  and acting all cool.
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  It's like, yeah, you're feeling stuff too
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  and you're going through your process,
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  but just you have more resources
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  because you've built more resources within yourself.
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  So therefore, you can be more resourceful
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  with your team and your organization.
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  And you can bring value,
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  like you can add more value into the workplace.
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  Does that make sense?
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  Like in a time of craziness.
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  And people are leaving and going on holidays
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  because they can't fucking handle it.
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  It's too much.
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  They just don't have the resources within them to handle it.
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  All they've got is like, fuck, I'm out.
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  going on fucking holidays. You know, I'm just going to drop, just going to jump ship for like
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  a week or two or whatever and hope it goes away when I come back. You know, and I think
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  it really shows the character of, you know, a team member like you when the ship feels like
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  it's sinking, everyone is jumping ship, but you're one of the few that's really staying ground and
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  going, what can I do?
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  You're not even saying, hey, I'm going to tell you what to do.
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  You're not trying to be your manager's manager.
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  You're just like, I'm here.
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  And if you want to input, here's my input or thoughts.
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  And it really shows, in tough times, it shows our character.
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  And you've built your character.
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  You've worked on yourself for all these years.
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  So you don't have to try and shine.
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  just continue being you and bringing what you bring.
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  You know what I mean?
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  You just have to be aware that, like,
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  you're not carrying their stuff.
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  You know, you dare to do your work
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  and do what you need to do.
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  And maybe it's like there's certain different things
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  that you're doing, you know, compared to normal
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  because it's not a normal time
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  that you guys are going through right now.
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  Like, you know, taking under your wings the juniors,
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  you know
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  and speaking to them individually or whatever
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  and assuring
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  them or
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  I don't know, you'll know your job better
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  than me
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  so
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  I think not underestimating the basics
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  you know like
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  you don't do a handstand
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  you do down dog
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  and in down dog there's many
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  different parts of it, your hands, your feet on the
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  ground, the length in the spine
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  fundamentals, the basics, the foundational building blocks, and just going back to the
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  foundational building blocks, you know, of your team, of your role, of your promise,
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  your job there, and just delivering that.
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  It's like your managers have already said, we just need like status quo, everything that's,
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  you know, we're here to do, we just need to do it and keep your eye on the ball, don't
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  drop that.
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  And that's already going to be a big help.
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  So keeping the ship running.
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  I hope you enjoyed the answer to this question.
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  If you have a question of your own, drop it in the comments below.
• 13:36
  The best place to connect with me is in my blog on my website, dylanayolo.com.
• 13:40
  And if you'd like to practice with me, come and join us inside of Elevate Premium.
• 13:44
  You're invited, and the free 7-day trial link is in the description.
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  See you in the next one.