Latest / Impact Ready / 116. Making That Identity Shift

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116. Making That Identity Shift · Impact Ready

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Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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Hi, team. Welcome to the show.
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I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for listening.
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I'm excited about this episode today.
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I want to talk about this idea of an identity shift,
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specifically around getting to your next level, reaching your
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potential, sort of getting to the next stage, the next dream
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that you have. And what it requires, and
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oftentimes what I think it requires, is a shift in our
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perceived identity, who we believe that we are, and the
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truths that we believe to be true about ourselves.
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This is an issue that's been coming up for a lot of my
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coaching clients. I don't know if it's the season,
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I don't know if it's the year, I don't know if it's the time of
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the world. But there's so many of my
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clients, clients who work for big companies like Amazon or
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Intel, Coinbase, Nike, big corporations that are
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competitive. And also where it can be really
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easy to get lost or overlooked because there's just a sheer
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number of people who work there. And there's so many people who
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are interviewing for these roles.
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These clients are wanting to progress in their career,
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they're wanting to get promoted, they're wanting to get to their
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next level. And we are talking so often
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about the challenges that they're facing when they're
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trying to do that. And the question just becomes,
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how do I get to that place? How do I get to that next level?
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And the focus of these conversations is identity and
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how they shift. They have to shift from the old
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identity that they were embodying to a new identity that
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matches the level of this role that they want to win.
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And this is true of anybody. It doesn't have to be with
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career or business. It can be something that you're
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maybe you're trying to step into a new way of being as a partner,
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a spouse, maybe as a parent. This really encompasses
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everybody think the universal draw desire within us is to grow
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and expand and to reach our potential.
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And so it's important to talk about the challenges that we
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face in doing that and how we might manage them and and
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overcome them. I'm reading this awesome book
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right now. It's called The Great Work of
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Your Life by Stephen Cope, and it's all about Dharma.
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And Dharma is what he describes as being sort of our unique
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individual purpose in life. It's specific to us.
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And when we are living in our Dharma, our life's work, it
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creates a life that is fulfilling and purposeful and
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impactful. And I love this book.
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But in the beginning of it, he says when I think about what my
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biggest fear is right now, he says, my biggest fear is I'm
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afraid that I'll die without having lived fully.
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And when I read this, I was like, Oh my God, this guy is in
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my brain because you guys know, I'm always thinking and talking
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about, oh, at end of life, you don't want to have these big 5
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regrets. You don't want to be thinking
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about the life you didn't get a chance to live or the dreams
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that you didn't get to fulfill or the impact that you didn't
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get to have. I'm always thinking about 50
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years down the line, 40 years down the line, whatever it might
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be, what will I be thinking and saying about my life?
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And what types of regrets might I have so that in this moment,
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right now, in present day, I can change the course.
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I can create the action that I need so that I'm not thinking
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that way down the line. And Stephen Cope is thinking
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about the same thing. He's saying I'm afraid that I'll
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die without having lived fully. He says, yeah, I'm afraid of
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pain. I'm afraid of death.
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But mostly right now, I'm afraid that I may be missing some
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magnificent possibility and that perhaps I have not risked enough
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to find it, that maybe I've lived too safe a life.
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And that just deeply resonates with me.
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And I think it deeply resonates with so many people because when
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I'm leading workshops for companies, I often pose this
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question. Who in this room feels like they
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have this potential that they want to live up to, but they're
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not sure how to get it out. They're not sure how to get
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there. They're not sure how to get to
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their next level. Every time I ask that question,
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who in this room feels like they have a next level and they can't
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live up to it or they can't get out there?
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Every hand in the room goes up into the air.
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Everybody, everybody raises their hand.
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And I find that so interesting because there's so many
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different people that I get the experience to talk to, and yet
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they are all having the same thought.
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And it's similar to the thought that Stephen Coke articulated.
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I'm afraid that I'll die without having lived fully.
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How do I reach my potential? How do I create this life that I
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so desire? And so even though there's so
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many different ways to approach this question and there's so
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many different ideas and tactics that we could discuss, what I
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want to talk about today is this idea of making a shift in your
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identity. Because so often right now the
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conversation that I'm having with my clients is I'm in this
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role here and I would like to get to a senior level leadership
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role, or I would like to go from manager to director, or I would
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like to get to AVP level. What we're talking about is, OK,
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what's required of somebody in that role?
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What are the characteristics? What are they?
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How do they think, how do they speak?
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How do they communicate? How do they behave?
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How do they lead? And how does that contrast with
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the role that you're in now? It's very common for people to
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be pigeonholed into the role that they are currently residing
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in. And just a specific example, a
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client, she works for Amazon, she's a generator.
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They call her a workhorse in her role because they can give her a
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project and she will just crack it out and get it done.
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And they love that reliability. They love that she's so
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hardworking. They feel like they can hand her
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anything and she can handle it. But the problem is that she
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hasn't been able to advance in the way that she's wanted to.
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She's been looked over for a couple of promotions.
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And this is so common in work culture.
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And so the conversation turned to what is it that is happening
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for you now that is preventing you from getting to that next
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level? And what it comes down to is the
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identity of a workhorse is not necessarily the identity that
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they're looking for, for a leader.
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And to be able to make that leap, there has to be a shift.
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Anytime we're thinking about getting to a quote UN quote,
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next level, we can think about that identity as having its own
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characteristics and ways of being.
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The issue that we run into is we think that once we get to the
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position or the role, once we reach the place where that new
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identity is required, that's when you begin to exude those
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characteristics. So if you want to go from a
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workhorse to a senior leader, the thought that happened so
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often is a once I get into that senior leadership role, I'm
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going to start behaving that way.
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But how do you create the bridge from workhorse to leader?
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You have to start exuding those characteristics now.
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So if a client wants to be promoted out of a junior level
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role into a senior leadership role, they unconsciously or
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consciously think that once they get there, they'll just step
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into that identity of that higher role.
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But we have it all backwards. We have to 1st shift our
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identity to that of where we are wanting to go.
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That's what creates the bridge. We have to start thinking,
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behaving, communicating, and self managing like we are
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already in that higher level. If you don't start to embody
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that new identity first, it's harder for people to see you
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that way, so then it's harder for them to promote you, or it's
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harder for them to choose you, or it's harder to create renewed
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trust in a marriage or in parenting.
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And from an energetic standpoint, it's hard for things
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to move in the direction you want if you haven't yet embodied
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those new characteristics of that new identity.
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Because you're saying that you want these things that are out
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there, but you're behaving and you're thinking in the old way.
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So there's incongruence there. There's a misalignment between
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what you desire and dream of and how you're showing up in your
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day-to-day. This always reminds me of a time
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when I first became certified to be a coach.
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My mentor said to me, if you're going to do this, you're going
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to have to really claim it. And what she was referring to is
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the fact that in the coaching world, there's a lot of coaches.
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There are just hundreds of coaches out there.
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It's become a very prolific, saturated market.
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And it's great because, trust me, everybody needs a coach.
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But she said you got to go out there and claim it if you are
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going to do this. And of course, I said, yeah, no
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problem, I can do that. And she said to me again, no,
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Steph, you're really going to have to claim it.
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You have to step in your power. You have to go out and act the
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part. You have to think like the high
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level coach that you want to be. You have to really believe that
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you are that kind of coach. You are that kind of person.
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And what she was talking about was the embodiment of this new
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identity and it was one that I hadn't truly claimed yet, if I'm
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being honest, because I had just become certified.
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You don't know what you don't know.
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There's so much self doubt and insecurity that comes with
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taking a big leap into a new identity.
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And it makes sense, right? It just takes time to get
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familiar with what that might look like, what a new identity
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would feel like and look like. How would a high level coach
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think? How would they talk?
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How would they communicate and resolve conflict?
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What kind of ownership would they take in their life?
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These are all questions that I've been asking myself over and
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over again in the past five years as I work to shift my
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identity from being solely an acupuncturist for over a decade
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to now being coach, business owner, etcetera.
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And you know, I had inklings and ideas of what that would look
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like. But when you practice
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approaching your life circumstances through the lens
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of the identity that you want to embody, when you practice that,
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it becomes easier every single day.
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But you have to claim it. That sentence resonates in my
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mind so often because the reality is that so many people
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are on the edge of exactly where they want to go or who they want
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to be, but they haven't made the identity shift yet.
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They haven't claimed it fully in their mind.
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You know, we dabble in these new identities.
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We have moments or days when we are fully owning this new
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identity of who we want to be, but we aren't totally committed
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to it yet. And there's a lot of reasons why
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we dabble. Let's talk about them.
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What are the reasons why we dabble and we don't fully claim
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this identity shift that we want?
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First one that I can think of off the top of my head is that
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good old friend of ours, fear. Fear is huge because it can feel
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scary shifting into a new identity.
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It's stepping into the unknown and the unfamiliar, and we are
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much more comfortable with the known, which would be our old
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identity. We are neurologically wired to
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be able to perceive threats. Our brain is always scanning for
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threats. And so with a shift that is
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again, unknown, there could potentially be risk there or
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discomfort or struggle or pain, whatever.
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So as a result, we feel fear. And fear is a powerful motivator
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to stay safe, which often means staying the same.
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Safe often equals staying the same.
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And when I learned that, it made so much sense to me why I feel
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resistant to making big changes or big identity shifts because
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my brain wants to feel safety. Fear, big one.
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The second thing is we're often not paying attention.
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We simply just don't do a great job of observing our stories,
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our feelings, our thoughts, our saboteurs.
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And so we get stuck in the ruts of old stories.
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And these could be limiting beliefs.
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They could be negative or cynical thoughts.
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Oftentimes we're in the habit of behaving and thinking a certain
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way, and it will continue if we don't interrupt the pattern.
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So second one is just simply, we're not paying great
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attention. The third thing I think about in
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terms of a reason why we don't fully commit to the identity
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shift is because we haven't given ourselves permission to do
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it. Oh man, sometimes.
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Look, I'm going to be honest, sometimes I battle with myself
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about this idea of identity in the very first place because I
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think the whole concept is loaded with so many other ideas
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that aren't necessarily very helpful or that are just
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incredibly nuanced, like having to say you are a specific thing
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in this world. Having to identify with certain
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things sometimes can feel really restrictive or pigeonhole you
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because really you're just a spiritual being having a human
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experience. I mean, that's really how I
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feel. But if we set aside all of that
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for just a minute, we can't acknowledge that so many times.
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We just don't let ourselves do something different in our life.
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We don't give ourselves permission to create something
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new, to step into something new, or to identify as something
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else. And there's a lot of reasons for
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that. We have expectations of
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ourselves. We have expectations from other
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people. We have responsibilities and
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obligations. There's fear of what other
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people will think. We have old limiting beliefs.
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We have self-imposed limitations and guardrails on our life.
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All of that exists, and it's fair.
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Again, I think this goes back to creating safety.
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Our ego and our identity are very much wrapped up in this
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idea that, you know, we want to maintain safety and security in
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our life. So I can honor that.
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But I also think there's something incredibly powerful
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about giving ourselves permission to be anything that
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we want to be, especially when it comes to shifting into a new
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version of ourselves, a new identity.
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So now that we kind of have an understanding of why we dabble,
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why we don't fully commit, why we don't fully claim identity,
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why we hold back and we fear that big, big shift, let's talk
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about how can we practically follow through and actually make
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the shift? How do we start to identify at
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that next level that we aspire to be, whether it's again, a new
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role in your career or maybe living with more integrity and
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authenticity, maybe being a stronger, more impactful leader,
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or being a nurturing, calm parent or being a more present
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loving spouse. All of those things are big
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shifts, right? So how can we get there?
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How do we actually make the shift?
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There's three things that come to mind, and I think about this
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a lot. Obviously, this is not an all
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inclusive list, but the top three things that come to my
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mind in regard to this issue are to one, claim it, 2, observe the
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mind, and three, take action. So what does that mean?
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Let's break it down so #1 claim it.
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We've talked about this, but you have to fully decide that you
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are now this person and embody that identity to the best of
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your ability. So whatever it is, whatever
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identity you want to claim, whatever potential you want to
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rise up into, you have to fully decide that you are now going to
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be this person and start to embody that identity.
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And then, of course, give yourself permission to fully go
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all in, Say to yourself, I give me permission to be anyone I
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want in this life. You know, whenever I struggle
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with this idea, which is often, I think about the fact that
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there are countless stories of people who have totally uprooted
16:11
their lives, done something wildly different.
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Maybe they've quit their jobs or they traveled the world or they
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sold everything and they moved to a different country, but they
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totally changed course. They gave themselves permission
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to throw out the script and be anyone they wanted to be.
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And that reminds me that you can do whatever you want with your
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life at the end of the day. I feel like that's really
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empowering and it's helpful for me to remember.
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And in regard to embodying the new identity, look, obviously
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you can't know everything about what that's going to look and
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feel like. You can't anticipate every
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challenge or every expectation within a role, for example.
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But I guarantee that you have an idea of where to start.
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For example, with my clients who want to move up in their
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careers, it's very easy for them to answer the question, what
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does a person in that higher role look like, Feel like, think
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like, communicate like. And they can start to write it
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out. We get a running list and we can
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begin to contrast that with where they are now.
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And it becomes very clear to them how they need to start
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moving into that new identity, even without all the
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information. So that's number one.
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Claim it #2 observe the mind. This simply means, what are your
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thoughts and feelings about this shift?
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I think it's so powerful to actually feel your feelings
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instead of just pushing them down or pushing them aside or
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compartmentalizing because you don't think they should be
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there. And what I mean is, if you have
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fear about this next level that you aspire to be at or this new
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identity, explore it. Feel it.
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Ask yourself, what am I afraid of?
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What is the fear? What is the worst case scenario?
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What if I do it anyway? And then what if I don't do it?
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What if I stay the same? Because what I've discovered
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about asking these types of questions is that my feelings
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tell me about the old stories or the unresolved happenings in my
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past that I need to sort out my resentment or my frustration.
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It's usually about anger. And my anger is usually telling
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me, hmm, I still perceive a threat here, or I fear something
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bad will happen. My sadness tells me, informs me
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I'm still resistant to what is here now.
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My shame tells me I'm afraid that I'm not worthy or I'm bad
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in someone's eyes. My guilt tells me I fear that
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I've done something bad in someone else's mind.
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My anxiety or my overwhelm is often my resistance to what is
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here now, what is currently happening.
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And it's also an attempt to control things, honestly, most
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often things that I have no control over anyway.
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So when we come at this from a different perspective and we say
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OK, my feelings and my thoughts are telling me stories about the
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world based on old frames that I've created in my past, it's so
19:04
helpful because you aren't defined by them at that point.
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You don't have to push them away or get over them or replace
19:12
every negative thought with a +1 for God's sakes.
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Just get curious about what they're telling you.
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Feel those feelings. And in my experience, the more
19:22
you feel them for what they are and explore them, the more often
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there is this little moment where they start to ease up and
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you can feel a glimmer of acceptance and ultimately
19:34
release. And that feels really nice.
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It's like freedom from some of those stuck emotions.
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So that's number two. Observe the mind.
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And then finally #3 is to take action.
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Take action as if you are that new identity.
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And so very Simply put, I would say this is about moving move
19:54
because movement is momentum and we're always waiting for the
19:57
confidence to come first so that we can take the action we need.
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But again, it's actually the reverse of that.
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We have to move to create and feel the confidence.
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It's not confidence first, then action, it's action, then
20:12
confidence. You know, we always have a
20:14
choice as to how we. Show up every day.
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We are not carved in stone. We are not our thoughts or our
20:21
feelings. Those are just things that
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happen to us. And we can choose to do things
20:25
differently if we want to, but it has to take place in the
20:28
physical world. We can't just be thinking about
20:30
it all the time that I come back to that formula that I give to
20:34
my clients all the time. Insight plus action equals
20:36
transformation. You can't just have insight.
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You have to combine it with action or that transformation
20:41
doesn't happen. So those are the three big
20:45
things that I think about when it comes to claiming your
20:47
identity and making that shift so that you can move into this
20:51
new space and you can kind of get to your next level.
20:54
Above all, remember that this is all a practice.
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It's just a damn practice team. Every day you're practicing and
21:03
growing and expanding. The work is never done.
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You'll never have it all figured out.
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And I have some clients who say, well, that's not very
21:10
encouraging. But the other piece to practice
21:14
is that you get better every time when you practice.
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It might not look linear to you. Some days might feel really
21:22
challenging and hard. But we all know just by looking
21:25
back in our lives, we can also see the evidence that the things
21:28
that we practice get easier the more we do it.
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So it's not all hardship and discouragement.
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Not at all. I think when I view this as
21:38
practice, it feels like freedom to try new things, freedom to
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fail, freedom to make mistakes, freedom to have a new
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opportunity every single day to embody the identity you want to
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have and to really claim it. So my challenge to you this week
21:54
is to think about where in your life do you feel like you have
21:57
potential to rise up into? Where in your life do you feel
22:00
that urge to step into your next level?
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And what is the identity shift that you need to make?
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What does that person look like in the future?
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If you were to envision yourself stepping into your next level,
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whatever that looks like, whether it's with your career or
22:16
your relationships or just your personal growth, what does that
22:20
version of that person look like?
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How do they talk? How do they move around the
22:25
world? How do they act and behave and
22:27
communicate? If you can start to understand
22:31
the characteristics of that identity, you can start to
22:34
immediately live into it now, you can start to embody it now.
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And that's the point is to start becoming that version now so
22:43
that the next level then just gets attracted into your life.
22:45
You're not waiting to get there by happenstance.
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It's not random, it's not by accident.
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It will then be on purpose because you are intentionally
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embodying this new identity of who you want to be and it cannot
22:58
help but just flow into your life.
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So that's my challenge and I'm excited for you.
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I hope that this hits. I hope it makes sense.
23:06
Again, there's a lot of stuff nuanced with identity, but in
23:09
this specific circumstance, in this conversation, this is about
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you having the power to become a newer, higher level of you just
23:19
by claiming it and saying I'm deciding to step into this
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identity. So thank you for being here and
23:24
listening. I love these conversations.
23:27
If you want to sign up and get a little bit more information from
23:30
me bimonthly, sign up for my newsletter.
23:32
It's called the Impact Effect, comes out twice a month to your
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e-mail. So just a little bit more
23:38
inspiration, coaching, encouragement.
23:40
I want you to feel empowered. So join that list.
23:42
Go to stephsaffer.com and you can sign up for the newsletter.
23:46
I hope to see you there. Thank you for being here.
23:48
And as always, team, thank you for being ready to impact.
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Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
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awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
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If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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Thanks again for being here.