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Narcissists Chase You First, Then You End Up Chasing After Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So the relationship with a narcissist switches, you know
• 0:04
  that right? A lot of times in the beginning
• 0:07
  they are chasing you, but in the end you end up chasing them.
• 0:12
  That's what we're talking about today y'all.
• 0:14
  The ever changing dynamic of a relationship with a narcissistic
• 0:18
  person. The chase.
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  How they go from being the chaser to the chasey.
• 0:23
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:25
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:27
  The Narcissist Code. Boom, y'all welcome back,
• 0:47
  welcome back, welcome back the narcissist.
• 0:50
  The narcissist, yes, you end up chasing them.
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  And I know a lot of people are going to understand exactly what
• 0:59
  I'm saying. I know a lot of people are going
• 1:01
  to feel exactly what I'm saying. You're going to get it.
• 1:04
  You're going to get it off the RIP.
• 1:05
  You're like, well, Lee, you hit the nail on the head and the
• 1:08
  hammer on the bed, whatever. Like that is so true because at
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  the beginning of relationship with a narcissist, with most
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  narcissistic people, right? They chase you.
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  They're chasing you. They're love bombing you.
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  You're here. It's called a love bomb, not a
• 1:27
  love pop, right? They're trying to love bomb you.
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  They're chasing you. They're pursuing you.
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  Sometimes for years, right? Sometimes they are pursuing you
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  for a very, very long time. Sometimes it's not that long.
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  Sometimes it's a very, very long time where this pursuit is going
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  on, where they're chasing after you, they're trying to make it
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  look they're, they're chasing after you.
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  They're making it seem like they can't live without you.
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  They're doing all this stuff for you.
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  They're going back and forth with you, whatever, whatever,
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  whatever, right? But then at the end of the day,
• 2:00
  you end up chasing after them after a little while because
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  they love bombing, y'all. And during the love bombing
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  phase, you're going to feel infatuated.
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  You're going to be head over heels in love with this person.
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  You black. Oh my goodness.
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  I have never met anybody else like this.
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  This is the person of my dreams. I've never loved anybody like
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  this before. This feels amazing.
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  I've never felt this way before. It's not a robot on it.
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  I've never felt this way before. So when you're feeling this way,
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  when you're trying to achieve this happiness, when you, when
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  you're just feeling amazing, they're chasing you, they're
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  giving you this, they're just heating you.
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  Look, they, it's damn near love. The love bombing might as well
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  be called a dopamine bomb because they're bombing you with
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  dopamine. They're making you the feel good
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  hormones. They're making you feel good.
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  When they come around you, you feel good.
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  When they leave, you feel good. You're like, Oh my goodness.
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  The butterflies are in my stomach, in my butt, in my
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  heart, in my head. The butterflies are in my in my
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  nethers, in my nether regions. The butterflies are in my
• 3:02
  nethers 'cause butterflies are in my nether.
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  I can't believe I said that, but that's what goes on.
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  You're going to be feeling good. You're going to be feeling like
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  this is the the the best case scenario, which you right here
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  like they really, it really is. You're going to feel great,
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  you're going to feel amazing. They want you to feel that way,
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  but then Dun, Dun, Dun, they start to take it away once the
• 3:28
  love bombing phase ends. And then you go into the what I
• 3:32
  call the fracturing phase, but it goes love bombing,
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  fracturing, devaluation. But once you hit the devaluation
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  phase, right, once you hit that phase, that's when you start to
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  really see this person who they are like that's when the love
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  care affection damn near it. It can, it can slowly get taken
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  away or it can be taken taken away with some expediency.
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  It could be taken away like that.
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  Sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's not.
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  But when it, when it's slow, you feel it, you understand it, you
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  see it, you see it going on. You're like, man, damn, this is
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  kind of crazy. I, I, I want to feel good.
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  I want this person to make me feel good.
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  I want, I want this person to make me feel great, right?
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  So when you're dealing with this person, you understand it, you
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  get it. So when they start taking it
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  away, you feel that too. When they start taking the love
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  away, you feel that as well, right?
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  When they start withdrawing the love, you absolutely are going
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  to feel that part of it too, because you, you get it.
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  When they start taking it away, you'll be like, well damn,
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  what's going on? You're going to start, you're
• 4:37
  going to start questioning yourself.
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  You're like, damn, but what's going on?
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  What have I done wrong? What can I, can I do anything
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  differently? What can I do to get the love
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  back right? What can I do to make them love
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  me again like they used to? What can I do in this situation
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  right here? How can I go about doing this?
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  How can I go about achieving this victory?
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  Whatever victory looks like for you, you're going to wonder and
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  ask yourself, how can you, how can you go about achieving that?
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  Like how can you get the love back that was taken away, the
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  love that you felt like was once yours?
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  How can you go back? How can you go about getting
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  that back? And that's going to be a
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  question for so many people to answer and ask for themselves
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  right there because it makes it's going to you.
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  You're going to ask yourself this question and then you're
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  going to talk. Guess what happens when the love
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  gets taken away and you want it back?
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  You're going to ask yourself, how do I get it back?
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  How do I get this person to love me like they once did before?
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  How do I get this person to care for me?
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  How do I get this person to love bomb me again, even though you
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  might not realize it's love bombing?
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  How can I get that back? They were, they were after me,
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  they were pursuing me. They were chasing me.
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  They did this, they did this. So how can I get it back?
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  Maybe I need to do more. And guess what happens when you
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  feel like you need to do more? You start chasing them when they
• 5:56
  start taking their love away and you feel like you need to do
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  more. You start chasing after them.
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  You start pursue, You start pursuing them, you start going
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  after them. You start doing a lot of
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  different things in order to try to get past it, to get this
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  person back. So you damn near start to love
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  bomb them. It's going to look like, yeah,
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  look, you damn near start to love bomb them because you want
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  that love back, because you want that affection back, because you
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  want that satisfaction back. You damn near start to love bomb
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  them back. You really start to give them
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  the love you. You really start to try to give
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  it back to them. It's it is crazy how that works
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  in these situations. It really is because you start
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  to chase them and they look narcissist.
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  When you start to chase out of the narcissist and you start to
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  give them what they want, you start to bend over backwards,
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  forwards, sideways. When you start to do everything
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  for them, they're not going to make it easy on you.
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  You might can make them happy for a little while, but
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  eventually they're going to be unhappy again.
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  Eventually they're going to be upset with something small that
• 7:14
  you have done. Eventually they're going to pull
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  the they're going to pull away from you again and they're going
• 7:19
  to make you chase after them again.
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  It's a continuous, damn near never ending cycle when you're
• 7:24
  dealing with an abusive, manipulative person like this.
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  It just one of those things that happens to so many people and it
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  can be such a frustrating dynamic to be a part of, right?
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  It really can. It can be extremely frustrating
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  to be a part of this situation where you have this person that
• 7:42
  you love and care about that is intentionally pushing you away.
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  So and it gets to that. You y'all probably hear me say
• 7:48
  this before on videos like you, no matter what you do, you can't
• 7:52
  do enough to make this person happy, right?
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  You can't do enough to make this person start to love you and
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  give you what you need. You can't.
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  Like they're always going to be moving the goal posts.
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  They're always going to be asking for more.
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  No matter what you do, it's never going to be enough and
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  you're going to feel that you like, well leave, damn it.
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  No matter what I do, it feels like it's never enough for this
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  person. No matter what, no matter how I
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  go about it, no matter how I do this, no matter how I do that,
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  it feels like it's never enough. Like no, I can't make this
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  person happy. I've bent over backwards,
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  forwards, sideways. I did a split.
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  I did all of this stuff and none of it was enough.
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  They still did not care. They still, but they didn't
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  break up with me. They still kept me around, but
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  they let me know that what I was doing was not enough for them.
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  They definitely let me know that the work that I was putting in
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  was not enough. They let me know that right, So
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  it's just like when you're dealing with this type of
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  person, this is the what something you have to understand
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  sometimes. Y'all like you're going to be
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  the chaser like you were the chase E at first, right?
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  You were getting chased, but now they have switched the dynamic
• 8:58
  around and made you become the chaser.
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  Now you're chasing after them. Now you're pursuing them, which
• 9:05
  to a lot of people can make them feel like to a lot of people,
• 9:08
  when you pursue A narcissist, it can make you feel like you're
• 9:10
  going damn crazy because it's like no matter what I do, this
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  person is always asking for more.
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  I can't we do enough to make this person happy.
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  And you want to drain yourself when you become the chase, when
• 9:22
  you were when you were being chased by the narcissist, right?
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  They made you feel like the top of the world, like nobody was
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  above you. But now that you're the chaser,
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  now you're chasing after them, they're going to make you feel
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  like you're the bottom of their shoe, like everyone that's above
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  you. And this guess what happens in
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  your own life, in your real life, you start to struggle in
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  your real life, you start to become sad in your real life,
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  you can be starting to become depressed and things in your
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  real life can start to suffer because you're trying to make
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  this person happy, because you're trying to give to this
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  person, You're trying to give everything to this person.
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  You started to neglect the things that are actually going
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  on in your real life, your job, sometimes your kids.
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  And this is not me calling you a bad parent.
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  This is me trying to wake some some people up because you
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  didn't realize you're doing it because you get because this
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  becomes damn near a set part of your life.
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  You don't even realize that you're doing it.
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  You don't even know that you're doing it.
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  You don't even understand that you're doing it, but you're
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  doing it anyway. And then you realize like, damn,
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  I'm, I'm neglecting my children, I'm neglecting myself.
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  I'm neglecting you gonna look in the mirror.
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  I know I look rough right now. Do not judge me.
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  You look in the mirror. I'm like, what the hell happened
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  to me? And they're going to hear you
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  and they're like you happen to you, you a horrible person.
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  That's why you ain't done enough.
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  You, you, you getting your your karma is looking like that.
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  This you looking the way you do right now.
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  That's your karma for how you treated me.
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  That's your karma for how you been behaving.
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  That's your karma. They're going to tell you your
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  karma is looking how you look right now.
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  Your karma for dealing with them is looking how you look right
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  now, which is damn near evil thing to say to somebody damn
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  near evil thing to say to anybody out.
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  So if you feel like you're chasing that the narcissist, put
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  your look, put your Nikes up, right?
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  Put your Nikes up, slow yourself down, take your time.
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  Be, you know, take your time and just give back to yourself.
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  You're not, like I said, but leave.
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  What if I stop chasing them and they leave me alone?
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  That's going to show you that. That's going to show you that
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  they know they were purposely draining you.
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  They're going to show you that they were purposely taken from
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  you and giving little to nothing in return.
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• 11:38
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• 11:40
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• 11:59
  Peace.