Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Lake Maller

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The Fifth Hour: Lake Maller · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Kubbooms.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: It's a clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with me, Ben
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Mahler and you. We are together on a random Friday
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: here the beginning of the World Cup. I technically it
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: began yesterday, but we are wrapping ourselves in the flag
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: here tonight, tonight what at nine o'clock Eastern, six o'clock
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: here in the West where we are originating the Fifth
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Hour podcast from the remote studio team USA versus Paraguay
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: at Sofi Stadium in the Hood in Inglewood, in the
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Group D of the World Cup. On this edition of
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour, we have lukewarm, unseasoned chicken, Lake Mallor
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and footy fun. And we'll also have in addition to
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: that that was not enough likely enough content, we will
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: add a special feature time permitting, where we will give
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: you an amazing tale never told before. It's actually just
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: a rip off of something else. Believe it's called The
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: More You Know, The More You Know. But we begin
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: on this twelfth day of June, this Friday, with two
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: hundred and two days left in the year, with the Hopper,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: hop on, hop off the Hopper. It returned to the
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Ben Malors s y oh No. We had mentioned in
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: a previous episode of the Fifth Hour podcast that we
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: were looking for ways to use the hopper. People seem
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to really enjoy the bit that we did a little
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: while back. The NFL book them got really nice reviews
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: from the fans of the show, and we're like, well,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: how do we mess around with the hopper? And we
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: dragged it out of the closet, the storage closet that
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: it was in like an old carnival game, dusted off
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: for one more spin and unexpected spin. Now, if you
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: like this bit, we will take full credit. If not,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: send your complaints to the Late Night Drug Tester. This,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: after all, was his idea. This was his idea. So
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: forty eight numbered lottery balls or bingo balls, one for
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  Speaker 1: each nation in this bloated twenty twenty six World Cup,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: and they were rattling around like it was Bingo night
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: at the Senior Center, hollering. James was our hour number
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: one caller for the bit the World Cup Pick them.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Mike the Leprechaun was in there at the at the
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: hour three. Marks Scott from the Commonwealth was also part
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: of the bit. The last hour we had two percent
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: chance from Alabama. So the teams were the callers me, Ben, High,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Coop and Lorena and we all gathered around the contraption
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: of course to the audio of or through the magic audio,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: and we did that and you know, we just like
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: we really were into it. Like a lot depended on
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: which ping pong ball bounced out first and fifus. You
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: do this if you listen, though, here's the thing, if
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: you listen to the soccer propaganda machine, the twenty two
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: twenty six World Cup isn't merely a football tournament. It
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: is a coronation, a global marketing blitz disguised as sport.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: FIFA executives speak of billions of viewers, billions of spectators,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: nine billion in revenue, and enough exposure to make Madison
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Avenue blush. All of those things. They expanded this year,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: from thirty two teams to forty eight, from sixty four
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: games to one hundred and four, turning the World Cup
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: into the sporting equivalent of an all you can eat
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: buffet where nobody asks for any trays. It's just I'm good.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I don't need it anymore because everything is lukewarm, unseasoned
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: chicken for most of us. Right, most of us we
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: look at that like, you know, we wrap yourself in
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  Speaker 1: the flag with Team USA. Your bloodline might be from
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Italy or Germany or wherever it might be, and you
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: pull for that country. The sales pitch, though, never changes.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: The sales pitch never ever changes. I've been doing this
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: job long enough that I remember when the Women's World
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Cup had their moment in the sun at the Rose Bowl,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and the soccer crowd was like, Oh, this is it.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: This is the moment, the point of demarcation. We've crossed over.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: This is big, And the sales pitch is again this year,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: that the twenty twenty six World Cup, that soccer is
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: now taking over America like the pandemic did. It's the
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: future that soccer will pass basketball and baseball and all
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: these other sports. It's inevitable, which brings to mind the
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: old animaniac's routine from Pinky saying, g brain, what are
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: we going to do tonight? And then the brain response
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: the same thing we do every night, try to take
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: over the world. That's essentially FIFA in a nutshell. Every
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  Speaker 1: four years they arrive like this group of traveling evangelists,
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  Speaker 1: armed with all kinds of charts and grafts and dow
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  Speaker 1: hickeyes and studies from this group and promises of worldwide
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  Speaker 1: harmony through corner kicks. Now the World Cup is presented
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: as a cultural moon landing, a month long infomercial wrapped
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: in national flags and corporate sponsorships. Thus lies the problem
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: that many people fall into it for the patriotism of
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  Speaker 1: your native land or where your family's from, and that's
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: who you pull for the national flag, and it just
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: happens to be that you're doing it through football. It's
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: no different than like a singing contest and you pull
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  Speaker 1: for somebody from your neck of the woods or whatever
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  Speaker 1: it might be. The goal is not merely to host
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: a tournament. The goal is global domination and credit where
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  Speaker 1: it's due. They they're very persistent, these soccer people are
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: very persistent, very stubborn. It's like a timeshare salesman who
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: follows you from the airport to the hotel buffet. FIFA
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: never stops pitching. Meanwhile, on our show back at the Hopper,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Hop on, hop off the Hopper, everyone seems to be
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: having a good time. And which is good? Which which
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: is what we want? And that's ironically the most honest
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: thing about the whole enterprise. All right, Moving on from that,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: So one are the benefits of home ownership? And I
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: say home ownership. The bank owns the home. I pay
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: the bank, which is my landlord. We'd like to pretend
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: that it's home ownership. It is not. Even when you
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: pay off a home and I haven't paid off my home.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Even if you pay off your home, you still have
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: property taxes, so you still got to pay anyway. Get
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to the point. So when you think of yourself as
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: a homeowner, every so often the house decides to surprise you.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: And it's not with anything good. Mind you. Your house
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: never says, hey, guess what, I just found twenty bucks
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: behind the refrigerator and I would like to give that
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: to you. And tomorrow I'm going to go through the sofa.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I believe there's one hundred and thirty seven dollars in
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: the sofa and some change. No, your house is a
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: practical joker. A leak here, a crack over there. There's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: this mysterious smell. Where did that come from? When's it
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: going away? A sound that wasn't there yesterday, and your
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: hope doesn't come back today. A puddle where puddles have
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: no business being. Which brings me to the Great Lakes.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Now you've heard of the Big Ones. Lake Superior, the largest,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: the deepest of the Great Lakes, bordered by Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: and Ontario. All right, so you got that. You got
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Lake Michigan, the only great lake entirely within the United States,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: bordered by Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, and Wisconsin. And then you
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: have all the others. Now should we add another great lake?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Because it is believed that we have uncovered we have
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: uncovered Lake Malor. What is Lake Malor? Population me? Now,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: let me explain. So it was just another regular day
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: at the Malor mansion, although on this day it was
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: a little different because my wife was out working overtime
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: doing some nine to one to one dispatching at the
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: police station, dealing with Hoodlum's lunatics and AshEL genuine emergencies. Now,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I was at home handling my usual mundane responsibilities, which
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: mostly consists of watching sports, random sports on the magic box,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: while convincing myself I was also accomplishing household chores. It's
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: a delicate balance. You talk about threading a needle. Now,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: there are people that meditate, there's some people that do yoga.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: In fact, right next to the Fox Sports Radio studios's
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: a hot yoga place. What I do is I watch
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: random baseball games between two teams I don't care about,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: and call it productivity. Like you can put on a
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Washington Nationals game against you know, good down the Nationals
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: taking on the Diamondbacks, and it's like, okay, and I'll
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: watch and I'll have it on anyway. At some point
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I wandered into the kitchen and I stopped because there
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: spread across the floor was water. Not a little water,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: not a oop somebody spilled the glass. Amount of water. No, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: I am talking a water front piece of property, a
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: beach front bungalow, or in this case, a lake front.
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  Speaker 1: The kind of water when you see it that makes
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  Speaker 1: you briefly wonder in my mind is is the California Aqueduct?
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  Speaker 1: Has it been compromised? Has it been rerooted or routed
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: through our little breakfast nook? And the light hit the
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  Speaker 1: water perfectly, and I say light, the light from the
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: the lights. The surface sparkled, It looked peaceful. I even
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: thought about taking a swim. It was beautiful. And for
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: halcond half a second, I was like, wow, you know
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: that's kind of pretty. And then I remembered a rather
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: important detail. The Malar Mansion does not have a lake.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I know that's shocking to you. You probably think, well,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: you know, you must have your own lake. And no, no,
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  Speaker 1: And now every mystery begins with suspects, right, every mystery.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes or Colombo
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: or inspector Gadget. You have suspects. And I had Moxie,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: our beloved the English bulldog, because whenever something strange happens
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: around the house, Moxie gets investigated. Now that's not fair, however,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: neither is life. And so my first move I looked
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: around for evidence. Had Moxie somehow produced enough liquid to
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: qualify for its own ZIP code? Was this a modern
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: day canine? Miracle had she become in agricultural irrigation project
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, so I grabbed a white towel.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: We have some towels around for accidents, and this is
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: what passes for forensic science in the Malor mansion. The
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: test was simple, it's a yellow, we've got a doggy problem.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: It's clear, and it's something else. So I dabbed the
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: towel down, clear, crystal clear, as clear as a politician's
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: promise before election day. And so Moxie at this point
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: had an airtight alibi, a really really good alibi for Moxy.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: She was innocent, which somehow made things actually worse, believe
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: it or not, so the mystery remained unsolved. The water
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: continued migrating across the floor like they were on the
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Oregon Trail heading west, like settlers just heading down the
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Oregon Trail. Now I threw towels at it, not literally,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: not literally, although after enough time there were a few
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: minutes that had gone by, I was tempted to stand
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: at mid court and launch them into the flood, like
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: halftime souvenirs instead of T shirts, where you can give
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: you old towels shop towels. So at moments like this, right,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: this is where if you're a homeowner, or at least
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: paying the government the right to have your home, this
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: is where you become an amateur engineer. You don't know
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. You know, you don't know what you're doing. However,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you keep doing it anyway. We all do it. Eventually
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: we located the culprit of Lake malor the dishwasher. The
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: dishwasher had apparently decided to pursue a second career as
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: a found it was transitioning into a fountain. Now here's
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: the thing about modern life. Nobody knows how anything works.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Not really. You might think you know, you do. No,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: you know how your phone works? No, you know how
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: your WiFi works? Eh? No, you know how your dishwasher works?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Absolutely not. Paper plate baby, And thanks to YouTube, in
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: these modern days, we all believe that we're one eight
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: minute video away from becoming a licensed handyman. All right,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: get in the trade, good solid job there as a handyman.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: So naturally we decided to fix it ourselves. And this
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: never ever ends well other than providing content for the podcast,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: which is clearly my hair brain scheme to hop on
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: the pod manwagon. Say well, what can I do to
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: get some content? Oh, I know what I'm gonna do.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: This is the thing right here with this is we're
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: gonna go on YouTube and we're gonna get a video
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: on how to fix the machine in the kitchen, and
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: we're good to go. The dishwasher. Well, it never ends. Well,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: every do it yourself project DIY begins with great optimism
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: in your head. This will be easy, thirty forty minutes
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: at the most and everything will be fixed. I got
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: the parts, I know what to do. I'm watching the video,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: and it ends. These stories end with, Hey, why don't
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: we call a guy? We need a guide to come
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: in here. And so we watched videos, We bought cleaning products,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: We listened to cheerful internet experts speaking with the confidence
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: of people who don't have to clean up your mess,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: and then we ran a test cycle on the aforementioned dishwasher.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: The dishwasher responded by flooding the kitchen yet again a
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: strong rebuttal. The appliance had made its position clear it
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: did not respect the person in the house who's the
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: authority figure. So my wife stopped the cycle. She mentioned
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: that there wasn't any water remaining at the bottom of
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: the dishwasher. This seemed problematic now. She mentioned this in passing. Now,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: there are two types of people in the world. People
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: who hear that statement from my wife saying, hey, there's
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: no water at the bottom of the dishwasher, and there's
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: supposed to be. Of course, the water all ended up
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: on the floor, and so you're like, okay, and what's
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: going on and all that stuff. So I mentioned there's
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: two types of people in the world. There's people that
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: hear that and move on with their day, and then
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: people who immediately stick their finger into the dishwasher to
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: verify that the wife's reporting was accurate, that there was
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: indeed some kind of spill of water, and there was
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of stuff going on here,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: except there was no water. Guess which group I belonged to,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Ding Ding, Ding ding Ding. Yes. I reached down, touched
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: the bottom without even thinking about it, and instantly discovered
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that while there was no water at the bottom of
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the dishwasher, there was enough heat to launch one of
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Elon Musk's SpaceX rockets to the moon. Good grief. So
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I jerked my hand back too late. The damage had
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: been done. My right index finger literally roasted. Now, to
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: be fair, this was not like, hey, third degree burn
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: was not that, it wasn't too severe. It hurts, and
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: for my purposes I didn't need to do it. The
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: finger turned red, swollen, blistered, all of those things. It
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: looked like it had developed its own personality. At one
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: point I considered introducing my finger to people separately, like, Hello,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: this is my friend. Yes, I know it's rather odd
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: to have a finger as a friend, but it's my friend,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: and he's going through some things. And pain has a
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: funny way of making you philosophical, like the whole pain thing.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: For example, let me get on my soapbox here, why
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: do humans insist on touching things we already know might
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: be bad, bad, bad, bad, bad bad? You said, Well,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: you're playing the idiot card from the bottom of the deck.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: You're not playing with a full deck, and that's it.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: But why does every household the plants eventually rebel? And
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: why does an injury on one finger somehow affect your
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: entire frickin life? So suddenly every task required negotiation, right,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: everything everything involved here, opening jars, buttoning shirts, not that
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I do that often, holding utensils, typing all because I
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: decided to put my hand in the dishwasher, and it
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: was very very warm, obviously, and so just like everything typing,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I felt like a baseball player listed is day to
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: day questionable with finger issues. Meanwhile, because the dishwasher remained broken,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: we then entered a week long experiment in historial reenactment
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: hand washing distance dishes, every plate, every plate, every bowl,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: every fork, every coffee mug by. I don't drink coffee,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: my wife does. Pioneers crossed mountains to cover wagons on
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: the Oregon Trail. I washed, I watched a bunch of
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: YouTube videos by dishwashers. Couldn't fix it. So now I'm
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: washing six cereal bowls all by hand, and I nearly
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: filed agreements. Now I don't know who to file agreements with.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I am the dishwasher. I always rinse everything and then
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: put it in the dishwasher. That's my move. I pretty
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: much clean it by hand anyway. Just the fact that
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't have my crutch the dishwasher that bothered me
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit. That bothered me a little bit, And
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: so you quickly learn how much modern civilization depends on
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: these appliances. The dishwasher breaks and you're living in nineteen
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: forty six. All of a sudden, Now the upside, there's
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: always a professional, and every neighbor and every every neighborhood
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: you go to they have one. They have one, a
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: mysterious wizard who drives around carrying tools and possesses actual knowledge,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: not YouTube knowledge, actual knowledge. And eventually we called ours.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: The repair man arrived with that calm confidence of a
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: veteran relief picture. He took one look at the dishwasher
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: and listened, examined, adjusted, coddled, massaged, replaced some mechanical object
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: whose name I immediately forgot, and fixed seemingly everything. Just
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: like that, the lake malor unfortunately vanished, The dishwasher returned
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: to duty, civilization was restored, My fingers started healing, Moxie
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: avoided wrongful conviction, and life resumed. Hellllelujah, hallelujah. Which got
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: me thinking on this the fifth hour podcast with no
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: cry babies, no cry babies place, knock it off. So
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: back to the point, So what's going on with this? Right?
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking, Okay, this is kind of ir weird, this
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: is this is odd, and so I'm mind of my
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: own business and all that, and I'm wondering again where
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Lake Mallar went. I'm like, well, that seemed like it
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: should be there, and it's not. And then you know,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: obviously the plumbing having some issues and this is not working,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and that's not working. So I get that, and we're
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: doing our thing. And the older I get, the more
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I realized that adulthood is basically a series of conversations
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: with people that repair stuff. Some come to fix appliances,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: some come to fix cars, some wear white coats. All
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: of them eventually deliver the same message, Yeah, that's that's
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: not supposed to do that, And if you'd like you
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: like your money back, please tell us. And we'd like
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: that ice cream. We'd like some nice ice cream cones
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: that would help us out as well. But in the
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: end the story, it does have a happy ending. It
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: was now fixed. The dishwasher does work, yeah, I know,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I know, shocking. The kitchen is dry, my finger is
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: still recovering, and Moxie remains a drug free dog as
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: far as we know. Though, if another mystery puddle appears,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: let's just say she's still the lead suspect and we
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: will do the towel test again. Is it white or
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: is it yellow, white or yellow. Inquiring minds would like
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: to know, and that's that. Now. The more you know
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: in honor of the dishwasher. It got me thinking my
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: entire life. I've always pretty much lived at homes that
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: have dishwashers, and I was like, at what point did
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: this become a thing? Because I don't think George Washington
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: or Benjamin Franklin were using the dishwasher, so I don't
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: think that was happening. So then I fell down this
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: rabbit hole, as I am known to do because I'm
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: a loser, and there's this this domino effect when one
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: thing happens and another. I was like, oh, that's interesting,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: and then I start falling down and I'm not even talking.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not running. It's not the running at the mouth
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: that's what I do behind these microphones. This was just me,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: just in my head. I like, okay. So the first
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: practical dishwasher, believe it or not, was invented in eighteen
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: eighty six, with domestic application becoming widespread in the nineteen fifties.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: So we are talking about almost sixty five years later,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: possibly more than that, and the early inventions, the concept
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: of a mechanical dishwasher dates actually further back than that,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: to eighteen fifty. There were dudes walking around that wanted
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: to make a dishwasher like this. So when American, this
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: American investor Joel Houghton received a patent for a a
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: hand cranked wooden box with a tire i raq, a
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: tire rack. I have tire iraq on the mind, a
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: wire iraq to hold dishes and all that stuff. And
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: it was not practical though for widespread use, we are told.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: And then it was in eighteen eighty six where Josephine Cochrane,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: a wealthy socialite from the great state of Illinois, was
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: able to patent the first practical dishwasher. Her design used
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: water pressure instead of scrubbers, right, and that's how went.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: It featured racks to hold the dishes kind of secretly
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: and all that stuff, and was motorized to spray hot
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: water efficiently. So this the socialite showcased her invention at
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: the eighteen ninety three each Chicago World's Fair, and it
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: was initially marketed to hotels and restaurants rather than the
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: household due to its size and cost. So that's the
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Magic Shop. And I know in the early part of
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: the twentieth century. Here Europe saw the first electric domestic
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: dishwasher in nineteen twenty nine. That's interesting, and we go
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: through all that. William Howard Livins invented a small, non
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: electric dishwasher in nineteen twenty four. And there's a lot
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: of people that have gone into the lab, their lab
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: and created something, at least they think they've created something anyway.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: So the point of all this the dishwasher. Despite all
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: of the modern bells and whistles, all the innovations, dishwashers
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: remain a luxury item until the postwar boom of the
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: nineteen fifties, and it always been a luxury at hi
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: until then. And that's when standardized size, improved plumbing made
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: them more accessible. So at that point, okay, well now
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: we got something middle class household. By the nineteen sixties,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: dishwashers became increasingly common. That's still almost seventy years ago,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: increasingly common in America. European homes. By twenty twelve, or
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: over seventy five percent of homes in the United States
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: and Germany had dishwashers. So there is that now the
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: foody fun time now for the segment, as we just said,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: foody fund. White Castle added new Southwest veggie Slider to
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: its permanent menu. So if you're jones in't for some
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: veggies like veggie slider and all that, this is your guy, right.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Overwhelming amount of people to try to get into these
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: ballparks most of the time, and demands for the White Castle,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: they added a Southwest Was it Southwest veggie slider? I
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: believe is what they did. White Castle favorite non meat
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: option added to the permanent menu at participating locations. You
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: got our friend Windy high Windy, That's what Anthony and
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Louisiana would say. Introduced new minions and monsters, adult meal,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: and the new banana soft swirl. Look good for them.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: That's not bad, all right. Meanwhile, the always popular Fifth
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Hour podcast we have new episodes every single bleeping Friday,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: which is today, Saturday, and Sunday. So if you're interested
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: in supporting this podcast, you can send a message in
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: for the mail bag which will be on Sunday, and
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: you can do that care of Real fifth Hour at
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Let me repeat that. For those of
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you a little slow in the back of the room,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: you can send a message in care of Real fifth
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Hour at gmail dot com all letters, no numbers, all letters,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: no numbers take a part in it, and we do
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: appreciate that. Now, as far as the halladay hooray for whatever,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: there's a bunch of dope holidays, as there are every
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: single day, So there is that. Oh, by the way,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: before I forget, if you would like to send a
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: message on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: And when I say send a message, what I mean
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: by that. What I mean by that is to follow
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: the ben Malar account, follow the ben Malar account on
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: help us out. We need to get those following numbers
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: up even higher. And on that we will put the
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: baby to bed. Have a great rest your Friday. I
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: will likely watch some of the World Cup unless I
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: just stare at a wall oozing of nothing, oozing of nothing.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: On that particular note, have a great rest of your Friday,
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: and we will talk to you next time. As Dick
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: and Dayton would say, bye bye, bye bye,