Latest / Is Your Way In Your Way? / Overcoming Doubts and Embracing Inner Growth with Rebecca Doring

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Overcoming Doubts and Embracing Inner Growth with Rebecca Doring · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Welcome you to In your Way In your Way podcast, and I'm your host, cassandra Crawley-Mayo, and for those new listeners, let me share with you what this podcast is all about.
0:37
Cassandra: It's about individuals who are ready to move forward.
0:43
Cassandra: They're ready to do something different in their lives.
0:45
Cassandra: They're ready to just maybe change jobs, start a business, forgive somebody, just an array of things that you've been in your heart, but you can't seem to budge.
1:00
Cassandra: And so this is why it's called Is your Way In your Way, because we're all curious to whether are you the one stopping what you are wanting to move forward in doing so.
1:13
Cassandra: What we do here is we mitigate what I would call those self-imposed barriers that's preventing you from moving forward and living your best life on your terms, and we talk about topics related to your business and personal development.
1:30
Cassandra: And also this is going to enable some of you to do some self-reflection, and who better to share that with us is my special guest, and her name is Rebecca Doring, and I'm going to bring Rebecca on stage.
1:44
Cassandra: Hello, rebecca, how are you today.
1:47
Rebecca: I'm fantastic.
1:48
Rebecca: I'm so excited to be here.
1:49
Rebecca: Thanks for having me.
1:51
Cassandra: Yeah, I'm excited that you're here For my listeners.
1:54
Cassandra: You know what I'm going to do.
1:55
Cassandra: I'm going to read a little bit of Rebecca's bio so that you can kind of get to know her a little bit before we take a deep dive into the questions.
2:05
Cassandra: So Rebecca Doring is a meditation teacher, inner critic coach, chromatic yoga teacher and host of the Inner Critic Freedom podcast.
2:19
Cassandra: She empowers wellness professionals to stop overthinking, embrace their gifts and grow their businesses.
2:28
Cassandra: After overcoming her own struggles with self-doubt, rebecca discovered her true purpose, and her true purpose is helping others get out of their own way.
2:39
Cassandra: Now she guides wellness entrepreneurs to uncover their desires, own their talents and achieve success doing what they love.
2:48
Cassandra: So, as you hear listeners, rebecca also needed to get out of her own way and we're going to find out how she did that and what she did.
2:57
Cassandra: So, rebecca, before we take a delve into you, I, like my listeners, always like to know tell us a little bit about your backstory until you went to pastry school.
3:12
Cassandra: You went to pastry school and you became a massage therapist.
3:16
Cassandra: So what was going on with you prior to that?
3:20
Rebecca: Prior to pastry school yeah, yeah, well, I mean, I decided I wanted to go to pastry school in eighth grade, so it was a done deal.
3:30
Rebecca: I've always loved to bake.
3:32
Rebecca: My mom baked pies with me when I was two.
3:35
Rebecca: She had an at-home pie business for a little while, so I always had flour on me, always experimenting, loved to bake.
3:43
Rebecca: And then in eighth grade it occurred to me that that's something I could do professionally and I had discovered the Culinary Institute of America in New York and was really interested in going there.
3:55
Rebecca: And we went and took a trip there and I thought OK, this is my life, this is what my life is going to be.
4:02
Rebecca: I'm going to be a professional world's best pastry chef one day.
4:15
Cassandra: Yeah.
4:16
Cassandra: So you had that dream.
4:17
Cassandra: I did yeah.
4:17
Cassandra: So what happened?
4:18
Cassandra: Why didn't you pursue that?
4:19
Cassandra: Why aren't you doing that now?
4:21
Rebecca: So I did pursue it.
4:23
Rebecca: I went to the Culinary Institute of America and I, actually, right before I was set to start school, I went on a little trip with my parents before I went away and I remember sitting on the ledge of this monument.
4:39
Rebecca: We were in Cape Cod and I was sitting on the edge of the Pilgrim monument crying, just not sure if I should actually go through with it, and I felt compelled to.
4:48
Rebecca: I just started naming other jobs in my mind, like an art therapist.
4:51
Rebecca: I wasn't.
4:51
Rebecca: I've always been an artist.
4:53
Rebecca: I've loved painting and drawing.
4:54
Rebecca: So I knew that I loved art.
4:56
Rebecca: But I felt compelled to go in the helpful realm outside of just baking pastries.
5:03
Rebecca: But I decided that no, this is all signed up, this is a done deal, let's go through with it.
5:11
Rebecca: So I did, and when I graduated, it was an intense, incredible experience, a lot of challenges.
5:23
Rebecca: In that school we were expected to be perfectionists and I, very much, was a perfectionist.
5:29
Rebecca: I was the hardest on myself.
5:30
Rebecca: I was my own worst enemy by far, and I thought that by achieving that goal, by graduating that school and getting the skills to go off and follow my dream of becoming a pastry chef professionally and be a world best one.
5:44
Rebecca: I thought it would give me a sense of peace inside, a sense of freedom inside.
5:51
Rebecca: That did not come.
5:52
Rebecca: Instead, I felt even more disconnected from myself.
5:57
Rebecca: I felt even more stressed, even more searching which is why I continued searching.
6:04
Rebecca: I went to several different other schools at the time, kept looking for the career because I thought the career would mean that I could have the inner peace.
6:12
Rebecca: Once I find the right job, then my life will be happy.
6:15
Rebecca: And so I kept looking and looking and looking, found myself back in the pastry world thinking no, no, no.
6:21
Rebecca: This is my original dream.
6:23
Rebecca: I need to go to this dream and then my father got diagnosed with terminal cancer and in that moment, everything I built my life upon which was get away from stress, seek happiness, because I had seen my father be super stressed from work and work so hard and give up so much to provide for us.
6:46
Rebecca: Yeah, it all flipped on itself.
6:51
Rebecca: It was like well, what's the point?
6:52
Rebecca: I don't want to live a life working on the holidays, nights and weekends.
6:58
Rebecca: I want to find the joy, find the peace, appreciate the things that we take for granted in our lives, including the people that we believe will always be there.
7:08
Cassandra: Right.
7:08
Rebecca: So that's when I found myself drawn towards finding a way to feel better inside, because I still had no idea how to do that.
7:19
Rebecca: And that's when someone had mentioned the word massage therapy to me and all of a sudden it was.
7:24
Rebecca: I found myself in my car, driving to this massage therapy school to check it out, without a clue of what I was doing.
7:30
Rebecca: Like my voice was telling me like what are you doing?
7:33
Rebecca: You have a degree in baking and pastry.
7:35
Rebecca: You don't even you're not even that touchy feely of a person.
7:38
Rebecca: Like why are you driving to this massage therapy school?
7:42
Rebecca: And as soon as I set foot in that school, I knew I needed to be there because of the way the atmosphere was.
7:51
Rebecca: There was peace, there was calmness.
7:53
Rebecca: The teachers were grounded, and I knew that if I learned from them, maybe I could learn how to feel that way too.
8:03
Rebecca: And that's when I signed up and they introduced me to meditation.
8:09
Rebecca: Our very first teacher required us to meditate so that we could learn tools to calm ourselves, so that we could not be stressed out massaging other people.
8:17
Rebecca: And it was.
8:40
Rebecca: That was the greatest gift.
8:41
Rebecca: That's why I was meant to go to that school.
8:44
Rebecca: But that became a stepping stone, like all the other steps in my journey that led me to yoga meditation.
8:51
Rebecca: I just went nuts in the wellness industry until I found um.
8:56
Rebecca: You know, I I built a massage therapy business.
8:58
Rebecca: That was successful.
8:59
Rebecca: Then I left it all to create the coaching business that I have now.
9:05
Cassandra: Okay, so no more massages for people, huh.
9:08
Rebecca: Right.
9:10
Cassandra: Wow, that's interesting.
9:12
Cassandra: Based on what your dad was experiencing, it enabled you to pivot, like, revisit really what it is that you wanted to do, and I know there are listeners that have had things to happen in their lives and wanted to and just had this knowing just like you did.
9:34
Cassandra: When you walked in that building, you knew you were in the right place.
9:37
Cassandra: You know, you just knew.
9:39
Cassandra: It's like I know that, I know that, I know, but how do you explain that?
9:44
Cassandra: You know?
9:44
Cassandra: And then one of the things you did is you took action.
9:47
Cassandra: You know, although you wanted to do pastry work, then you're just like well, that's not really what.
9:52
Cassandra: I don't feel really great about that.
9:54
Cassandra: And you talked about your emotions and I could tell just listening to you you had emotions with what was going on, like something wasn't right.
10:03
Cassandra: You were definitely in your way and you talked about emotions and emotional processing.
10:09
Cassandra: Could you explain that?
10:11
Cassandra: What is that?
10:12
Cassandra: Because I know, because of my listeners, a lot of them are stuck.
10:16
Cassandra: They want to move forward, they have these emotions, but they have emotional processing.
10:20
Cassandra: So explain that to us.
10:22
Cassandra: What does that mean?
10:24
Rebecca: Sure, yeah, for a long time I did what most of us do was try to feel better by changing my environment.
10:30
Rebecca: My circumstances was as you heard in my story.
10:34
Rebecca: I wasn't feeling good, so I thought, okay, my job must be the problem.
10:37
Rebecca: I need to change the job.
10:38
Rebecca: Okay, the people around me must be the problem.
10:41
Rebecca: I need to either, like, change them, heal them, fix them or find different people that that I can feel better around.
10:48
Rebecca: Until I finally realized that the wellness industry being introduced to meditation was that it was time for me to let all of that go and instead seek to find a shift within myself, and in that journey I started to, over time, I was exposed to how to process your emotions and so, rather than assume, like we tend to assume, that other people and other events create our emotions, which is logical.
11:24
Rebecca: It's kind of like a conditioned response when this person enters the room.
11:27
Rebecca: I feel this way.
11:28
Rebecca: When my job has this happen, I feel this way.
11:32
Rebecca: So we assume that in order to feel differently, we need to change those people, change the environment, change everything else around us, when instead there's a missing piece in between.
11:43
Rebecca: And that's what our mind is making those things mean, and that's what I love to explore, to uncover, to witness, to gain compassion for and then shift those stories if they don't serve us anymore, because a lot of the time we have these stories that don't actually even align with the truth of who we are and what we're meant for, or the truth of what even the circumstances of the environment or other people are in front of us.
12:11
Rebecca: It's just a projection of what's going on in our own minds, and when we tap into processing our emotions and understanding them, then we gain all of our power back.
12:24
Cassandra: Okay, okay, now how would you so take me through that again, processing your emotions.
12:32
Cassandra: Does meditation have anything to do with that, or what's the methodology to process emotions and what's the outcome of being able to process your emotions?
12:48
Rebecca: Sure, so most of us tend to want to automatically resist or avoid them.
12:54
Rebecca: So we're not even quite in touch with what they are or how they feel or what they represent.
12:59
Rebecca: We just are quick to numb or distract ourselves or, you know, let's go, let's go watch TV, let's go scroll, let's go, you know, overeat, over drink, overwork, whatever it is.
13:10
Rebecca: But so meditation does come into play, in the sense that you're able to start to get curious and witness your emotions instead of resisting them.
13:19
Rebecca: You're able to observe what they are, and so emotions come from a thought in our minds, in our subconscious mind.
13:29
Rebecca: So there's a thought, a belief, a story, a pattern that's present in the subconscious mind, that generates an emotion, and we experience that emotion as a vibration in the body.
13:41
Rebecca: So, in order to process our emotions, there's many different methods, but one of the most simple like one of the simplest ways to do it is to simply stop resisting it and stop trying to avoid it or compartmentalize or stop yourself from feeling it, but just get curious about what it is Like.
13:58
Rebecca: What am I actually feeling right now?
14:00
Rebecca: The sensation, not the emotion, so kind of going into your body, getting quiet and observing.
14:06
Rebecca: So if I'm feeling something right now, if I get curious, okay, what do I notice?
14:11
Rebecca: Oh, I'm noticing clenching in my chest.
14:14
Cassandra: Well okay.
14:15
Rebecca: Describe the clenching not in emotional words, not like oh, it feels horrible or it feels painful.
14:20
Rebecca: Describe it in sensational descriptive words like oh, it feels tight, constricting.
14:26
Rebecca: I feel like a little bit of tingliness or coolness or warmth.
14:31
Rebecca: I feel my shoulders wanting to round in.
14:34
Rebecca: I feel my eyes wanting to cast downward.
14:38
Rebecca: How is my posture being affected by this feeling?
14:41
Rebecca: The more you sit and let it be there and just observe it, then it has a chance to move through you.
14:51
Rebecca: And if you go a step further and get curious about what the story is behind it, by bringing out your journal and asking yourself what am I feeling and what am I thinking about this, and discovering what thoughts are generating that feeling, that's when we can truly, truly gain a lot of power and moving beyond it.
15:10
Rebecca: But the first step is just becoming aware of what we are feeling instead of resisting or avoiding it.
15:16
Cassandra: Just what is it that?
15:17
Rebecca: I'm feeling Can.
15:18
Rebecca: I name it?
15:18
Rebecca: Can I name the sensation?
15:20
Rebecca: Where in my body do I feel it and then allow it to be there?
15:24
Cassandra: Okay, and by doing that, rebecca, rebecca, will an individual be able to figure out a challenge, the validity of it, like where did it, where did it come from?
15:45
Cassandra: Yeah, you know, has.
15:45
Cassandra: Does that enable a person to do that?
15:47
Cassandra: Because I always thought that was natural, because I can.
15:48
Cassandra: I remember my second chapter in my book.
15:51
Cassandra: I talk about um, um, a lot of who we are today comes from our childhood.
15:59
Cassandra: A lot of who we are today and you know, I kind of delve into the childhood and what experiences that you've had in your childhood that can um have you to feel, bring up those emotions and all of that.
16:17
Cassandra: So I say that to say, when they acknowledge it, doing the meditation process or doing the processing, will an individual figure out, with challenge, the validity, like why am I feeling like that?
16:34
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, absolutely so.
16:36
Rebecca: Sometimes just in the observation of it you can start to witness and you might realize what it is behind it.
16:44
Rebecca: But for me, when the next step is bringing it to my journal and writing it out, and that's when you can discover the story.
16:52
Rebecca: Like, what is the story behind this?
16:54
Rebecca: What am I thinking?
16:55
Rebecca: What am I making this mean?
16:57
Rebecca: In yoga and meditation we have a term called samskara, which is essentially a pattern of the mind.
17:05
Rebecca: We have good samskaras and samskaras that limit us.
17:08
Rebecca: My hand in a classroom you know what I'm asking, right.
17:20
Rebecca: Versus if I raise my hand on the corner of the street in New York City, you know what I'm doing, right, these are positive samskaras.
17:24
Rebecca: I don't need to undo that because that's saving time, that's conserving energy, it's making it so.
17:28
Rebecca: If somebody's looking at me in a classroom raising my hand, they don't have to scrutinize like what are they doing?
17:33
Rebecca: We just know it saves time.
17:36
Rebecca: But with our childhood experiences, like you mentioned, if we have an emotional experience in childhood, it creates a samskara.
17:44
Rebecca: And so then, anytime throughout the rest of our life, that is similar to that sensation.
17:49
Rebecca: Our brain has made that connection.
17:51
Rebecca: As if I'm raising my hand on the corner of the street in New York City to be like, oh, this is what this means, so we need to have this visceral reaction.
17:59
Rebecca: So this is where you know if you're, if your ex is dry, has a, has a truck or something like that has a green truck.
18:06
Rebecca: And then you drive down the street and you see a green truck and all of a sudden your, your body starts shaking.
18:11
Rebecca: You get flooded, like, oh no, there's my ex.
18:18
Rebecca: And you realize it's not even your ex.
18:19
Rebecca: That is the samskara.
18:20
Rebecca: So in the witnessing of that visceral reaction that feels so true because we feel it in our body, we see this thing and we automatically assume it's truth because we feel it.
18:30
Rebecca: We start to observe the sensation that that sensation is valid.
18:35
Rebecca: It's tied to a real story inside of our mind.
18:37
Rebecca: But then we get to question the story.
18:40
Rebecca: What is the story?
18:42
Rebecca: First, let me get to compassion for myself and understand what I'm experiencing with kindness, with interest, and then I have the choice to question it.
18:52
Rebecca: Is this ultimately true?
18:54
Rebecca: What else could be true?
18:56
Cassandra: Right, okay, and that way, a person's able to change the narrative.
19:01
Rebecca: Sure yeah 100%.
19:03
Rebecca: Because, it becomes natural.
19:05
Rebecca: It's like the same.
19:07
Rebecca: You know, I think we've all experienced moments in an argument with a loved one where we feel like I know the truth of what they said meant this, and we feel it in our bodies.
19:17
Rebecca: But then a few days later you cool off, you start seeing it differently.
19:20
Rebecca: Maybe you have a conversation with a friend and they point out their side of the story and you start to think, huh, that thing that felt so true in the moment.
19:28
Rebecca: I don't really think it's true.
19:30
Rebecca: I actually think I understand where they were coming from now.
19:32
Rebecca: They were coming from now, but in that moment we're flooded with the samskara.
19:39
Rebecca: It's almost like we're in the middle of a tornado and all we can see is the tornado.
19:42
Rebecca: All we can feel is our own emotion and feel our own story.
19:45
Rebecca: And then we put that on the situation.
19:50
Cassandra: Okay, okay, that's good, that's good.
19:51
Cassandra: Now, besides the title of this podcast being Is your Way, in your Way, the subtitle is Befriending your Inner Critic.
19:59
Cassandra: How do you befriend?
20:02
Cassandra: Because we all have inner critics.
20:04
Cassandra: We are, I believe, our worst critic.
20:07
Cassandra: So how would one befriend the critic?
20:11
Cassandra: Is it more about, like you talked about, acknowledging it, challenging the validity?
20:17
Cassandra: How would a person do that?
20:20
Rebecca: Yeah, well, I like to think about how do we befriend anyone right First, if there's someone that you don't like, that's actually quite we're quite critical of, and we were to befriend them, we wouldn't instantly love them.
20:34
Rebecca: We might have all these stories about them, but at first we would have to show some interest in them, bring our awareness to them, have some curiosity about them, like, well, what is their story, like, what's actually going on with them?
20:48
Rebecca: And then we start asking questions and we start to get to know them and we then have compassion for them.
20:54
Rebecca: We start to understand that the old criticisms we might have automatically had about them aren't actually true at all.
21:00
Rebecca: It was just our own criticisms.
21:01
Rebecca: So, with ourselves, it's the same process that I did mention, or a similar process, but it's of course.
21:08
Rebecca: There are these natural criticisms in our minds.
21:11
Rebecca: That is the way our brains are designed to keep us safe.
21:38
Rebecca: No-transcript perfectionist.
21:45
Rebecca: I needed to throw myself away to become something better, and meditation taught me that I just needed to befriend who I am already.
21:52
Rebecca: Even the darkest, ugliest thoughts that we might have like observe them with curiosity.
21:59
Rebecca: Why?
21:59
Rebecca: Why am I thinking that maybe there's a very valid reason why I might have this thought.
22:04
Rebecca: Maybe it would make total sense if I gave myself the chance to understand.
22:09
Rebecca: And once I understand, then compassion can come.
22:13
Rebecca: Can come and we can befriend someone.
22:16
Rebecca: Then compassion can come and we can befriend someone.
22:19
Cassandra: Okay, so we talked about in the bio like people that are in their own way, and so those were the characteristics of you being in your own way that you just explained.
22:32
Cassandra: Was there anything else that you felt that was in your own way?
22:40
Rebecca: Oh yeah, I mean, mean I was, for me, starting my own online business which was really going after following my, my, my purpose, really like that was the, the way of really stepping into owning my own power, my energy, my knowledge, like my worth, all the things.
22:58
Rebecca: And wanting to really step into that and all of the old perfectionist ways, all of the my own ways of beating myself up over every mistake and being my own worst enemy and putting myself down, never acknowledging the ways that I was doing well, only seeing the flaws, only seeing the things left that I needed to learn, only seeing the mistakes that held me back the most.
23:23
Rebecca: When I went to build my online business, I had the idea for it and I was learning as much as I could to launch it for a long time before I finally got out of my own way and went to do it.
23:36
Rebecca: It's interesting because when I saw the title of this podcast and I nearly screamed, and when I discovered you, because one of the most pivotal moments for me was when I was working with a mentor, I sought out a mentor and we had worked together for like a year and a half and he taught me he's a yoga teacher.
23:55
Rebecca: He taught me how to find my voice and how to share it and how to really figure out exactly what I want, and he helped me paint the vision for my online business and taught me everything I needed to do.
24:06
Rebecca: But I kept getting stuck, kept getting stuck, kept getting stuck, and on the last day of our mentorship, I taught a class in front of him and he came to me and he told me it was an amazing class and he said you have everything you need now.
24:20
Rebecca: All you have to do is get out of your own way.
24:23
Cassandra: Yeah.
24:25
Rebecca: And in that moment I knew I was like yes, there's nothing else that's holding me back.
24:30
Rebecca: I have all the knowledge, I have all the skills, I know the exact steps that I need to do.
24:34
Rebecca: I just need to get out of my own way.
24:35
Rebecca: But I don't even know where to start with that.
24:39
Rebecca: So that's when I shifted my attention to learning everything about, like diving even more deeply into my meditation practice, into journaling, into coaching, and then learned about emotional processing and applying all these things and kept studying, and studying, and studying until I was able to be able to take action without beating myself up all the time.
25:01
Cassandra: Wow, because that's what you know.
25:03
Cassandra: A lot of my listeners and when you were talking, you sounded so much like me it was scary Self-doubt, perfectionist.
25:12
Cassandra: Everything has to be right before I start anything.
25:15
Cassandra: So therefore, I don't start anything because nothing's really right.
25:18
Cassandra: And, um, and you made a shift, and making a shift now, your, your mentor, um, when he said you got it, you know just, you just got to get out of your own way and sometimes it just takes that.
25:33
Cassandra: You know, because a lot of people in my listeners say, well, how do you shift?
25:38
Cassandra: I mean, how can I get unstuck?
25:40
Cassandra: You know, is there any other ways?
25:43
Cassandra: You think, besides meditation, journaling, or somebody speaks in your life, or like for my listeners, like, what else could they do to get unstuck, or should they just try what you are saying and what you're talking about?
25:59
Rebecca: Well, I mean, like you just mentioned, and what I've experienced is, before we realize that we are the reason that we're stuck in our own way.
26:08
Rebecca: It's like I was in the mode of OK, I need to learn more, I need to study more, I need to get more skills, I need to get more credentials, I need to get more accolades, I need to get all these things so that I can do this thing perfectly, but what I most needed to do was to be kind to myself.
26:24
Cassandra: Okay.
26:25
Rebecca: That is the thing that was missing, and so meditation is a way of action, right, action-based kindness.
26:32
Rebecca: That's how we can actually practice kindness.
26:35
Rebecca: Journaling is a way like getting to be kind and compassion for yourself.
26:41
Rebecca: Those are the two ways we can truly be kind to ourselves by actually sitting with ourselves.
26:49
Rebecca: We never give ourselves a chance to just sit with ourselves in this world filled with distractions and our devices.
26:57
Rebecca: There's always a moment we can pick up our phone.
27:00
Rebecca: Nowadays, we don't even have the old ways of just being bored on the grocery line.
27:06
Rebecca: We're all on our phones so we never have a chance to be with ourselves.
27:10
Rebecca: And if you wanted to connect with a friend, you need to sit with them.
27:12
Rebecca: You need to ask them questions, you need to listen to them, you need to tell them stories.
27:14
Rebecca: Friend, you need to sit with them, you need to ask them questions, you need to listen to them, you need to tell them stories.
27:19
Rebecca: You need to feel their presence.
27:20
Rebecca: We need to give that to ourselves.
27:22
Rebecca: So, if it's not meditation or journaling if you find another way you can do that, please do.
27:27
Rebecca: But for me those are two very excellent ways to be able to actually sit with your thoughts, not in just just full on judgment, but actually actually close your eyes and be with yourself, as if you're meeting with yourself for a date, for a coffee date, for a chit chat.
27:47
Rebecca: Get to know who you really are, get to know what you're really struggling with, get to know why you feel the way you feel.
27:54
Rebecca: And sometimes it doesn't have to be super deep where you uncover all the childhood things.
27:58
Rebecca: Sometimes just acknowledging the sensation in your body is enough to make you feel better.
28:05
Rebecca: Other times you want to dig a little deeper and understand why, and that can unlock your life.
28:12
Rebecca: Yeah, it gives you a little freedom.
28:13
Rebecca: Yeah, 100%, the true definition of freedom for me.
28:17
Rebecca: Yeah.
28:17
Cassandra: Yeah, wow, that's good.
28:19
Cassandra: That's good stuff.
28:20
Cassandra: Something else you said that I like to reiterate to my listeners is stop fighting it, resisting it, like I don't want to feel like this.
28:29
Cassandra: Oh my gosh, you know, just just go into it.
28:33
Cassandra: Like one of my therapists used to say, just come home to yourself.
28:37
Cassandra: And I'm talking about come home to myself.
28:40
Cassandra: So I listed that, like what are you talking about?
28:44
Cassandra: You know, when I came home, I'm like Okay, how do I do that?
28:47
Cassandra: You know so I just, you know, because I was in a place where I was in burnout mode.
28:52
Cassandra: I talked about that in my book.
28:53
Cassandra: You know, because when you burn out, you just can't think.
28:56
Cassandra: You know you're doing so much stuff and you know, then you have that imposter syndrome.
29:01
Cassandra: Just a whole lot of stuff rises as a result of that.
29:05
Cassandra: Now, what do you recommend?
29:07
Cassandra: Now, all that you said is great and life has its ups and downs, and how can people maintain the consistency of it?
29:24
Cassandra: What should they continue doing?
29:25
Cassandra: Or, you know, because, like you talked about, you had a mentor, and I think a mentor is a great coaches are great.
29:32
Cassandra: You can't do none of this by yourself.
29:34
Cassandra: You didn't do it by yourself, you know, and you know.
29:38
Cassandra: I also had a therapist that said I can't see you for the rest of your life.
29:41
Cassandra: I'm like, why not?
29:43
Cassandra: You know you have to get out on your own and do stuff on your own.
29:47
Cassandra: I'm not going to see you all the time, and so how would one maintain what you were talking about?
29:54
Rebecca: Hmm, maintain what you're talking about.
30:01
Rebecca: So maintaining, like, the habits of this, or?
30:02
Cassandra: maintaining that sense of connection with yourself, the sense of connection being unstuck, not feeling frozen.
30:06
Cassandra: You know it's kind of getting out of your way.
30:10
Cassandra: You know, yeah, once you've had the tools, how do you maintain that?
30:15
Rebecca: consistency, yeah.
30:21
Rebecca: So one thing I like to acknowledge is something that your listeners are probably not going to hear, not going to want to hear anyway is that for me, it's acknowledging that I might get stuck again, I might get frozen again, I might not believe in myself again.
30:33
Rebecca: In fact, there's a highly good chance that I'm going to have a low day very soon.
30:39
Rebecca: There's a very good chance that I might feel like I need to throw in the towel because nothing's working, and that's not a sign that it's true.
30:46
Rebecca: That's a sign that I'm a human being.
30:48
Rebecca: Yes, and so it's like the way to maintain consistency comes back to that no longer resisting the low vibrations, no longer resisting the hard days, letting yourself be a human, giving yourself time to maybe veg out on the couch.
31:05
Rebecca: Sometimes I've given myself quit days where I mentally quit, for the day where I'm like you know what, yeah, I'm quitting today, I'm quitting my business, I'm quitting this goal today.
31:15
Rebecca: When I feel better, tomorrow I'll go back at it, but today I'm free of it, I can just be, and whatever I need that to be.
31:25
Rebecca: Maybe that means I get to go and have fun.
31:27
Rebecca: Maybe that means I need to just lie down in nature or go for a walk, whatever it is.
31:32
Cassandra: Yeah.
31:33
Rebecca: But so the way to maintain consistency is to not expect it to be perfect all the time.
31:38
Rebecca: And for me, I think, when I consistently got stuck, I would, I would get free, and then I'd get stuck, I'd get free and get stuck, and each time I got stuck I made it mean this huge story, and we all start to question ourselves and question our paths and question our skills, like, oh no, why do I feel this way again?
31:54
Rebecca: Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
31:56
Rebecca: Maybe I don't have what it takes.
31:57
Rebecca: Maybe I'm not strong enough or skilled enough or inspired enough to do this.
32:02
Rebecca: Maybe this is the wrong path.
32:04
Rebecca: But, the truth of the matter is you're a human being and it's normal to have ups and downs.
32:09
Rebecca: And so having the tools to support yourself in those ups and downs is how you maintain consistency.
32:14
Rebecca: So, for me, every time I have a low moment, not only am I allowing myself to have it, but I know that it's happening for me, that it is bringing me closer to myself, closer to my goal, and I will be even better on the other side of it if I allow it to be here, because each time it brings wisdom, it brings guidance, it might teach me a skill there in yoga, there's another philosophy that we have in when you set a goal, it's like you are telling the universe to bring you all of the obstacles that will block you from that goal, and each one of those we perceive it as oh, this means we're not supposed to have this goal.
32:55
Rebecca: But, the universe perceives it as oh okay, you want this goal.
32:58
Rebecca: So that means you need this skill, you need to find this teacher, you need to find this book, you need to find this podcast, you need to build this strength and resilience.
33:06
Rebecca: So each one of these obstacles is going to give you one of those.
33:16
Rebecca: So, if we can go into, that obstacle, knowing that this is happening for me and I need to care for myself through it, nurture myself through it, have my own back then.
33:21
Rebecca: That is how we can maintain consistency.
33:23
Rebecca: So we're never thinking this is blocking me from life.
33:26
Rebecca: This is actually making me have a deeper experience of what it means to be human, what it means to be alive, and sometimes that means not feeling good, and that's totally okay.
33:35
Rebecca: We don't actually want to feel amazing 100% of the time.
33:39
Cassandra: Exactly Every day, if you like that.
33:42
Cassandra: I'm like something's wrong with them.
33:43
Cassandra: They're happy every day.
33:46
Cassandra: It reminds me of when, you know, it took me over 12 years to write my book and one day I just like, okay, I'm going to write this book.
33:56
Cassandra: I became intentional.
33:58
Cassandra: And once I did that, it's like you know, many of us heard this, when the students ready, the teacher will appear, it's like everything just opened up for me.
34:08
Cassandra: And then when you were talking about, ok, it's OK to have a bad day, it's OK to relax today, and if I wasn't doing work, I'd feel guilty.
34:18
Cassandra: If I was doing work, I felt guilty.
34:20
Cassandra: So either or I was like, oh, I was just all messed up.
34:24
Cassandra: And that's why I say I'm really qualified to empower individuals to mitigate those roadblocks in their lives and move forward to having those purposeful, meaningful life, joy and aspirations.
34:41
Cassandra: Because I've been there, so I get it, so I understand and I'm grateful for this conversation because I know that it's going to be a blessing to so many people, because it makes it sound so simple.
34:53
Cassandra: You know, it sounds simple, but you have to put the work in yes, simple.
34:58
Cassandra: Not easy, but simple.
35:02
Cassandra: I have, one last question for you.
35:05
Cassandra: You talked about having a mentor and you are a coach.
35:09
Cassandra: What's the difference.
35:13
Rebecca: Uh, for us, we mentor is kind of like a coach and a teacher together.
35:21
Rebecca: A coach would be, I mean, cause I, I coach, but I also have mentorships where in my mentorships I have, um, we might some days have coaching sessions, we might have teaching sessions, I might teach you concepts, I might give you tools, I might send you specific, you know, homework or whatever we might have.
35:42
Rebecca: And the coaching itself is like where I'm asking you questions, getting you to gain clarity on what it is that you're stuck in, what it is that you want to go that kind of thing.
35:54
Cassandra: Okay, Okay, I did not tell the truth.
35:57
Cassandra: I have one more question.
35:59
Cassandra: I'm just going to confront it and I'm going to be transparent.
36:03
Cassandra: I didn't.
36:04
Cassandra: I didn't tell the truth.
36:05
Cassandra: This is my last question.
36:08
Cassandra: You talked about wellness inherently is tied to spirituality.
36:13
Cassandra: What is that?
36:15
Cassandra: I mean, how?
36:16
Cassandra: How is that tied to spirituality?
36:20
Cassandra: Wellness?
36:21
Rebecca: Oh interesting, Did I say that?
36:25
Cassandra: Well, you lied, huh, you didn't tell the truth.
36:29
Rebecca: I just don't remember the context.
36:31
Rebecca: Okay, yeah, yeah, I mean, well, wellness and spirituality, that's um, that's a.
36:41
Rebecca: I mean, it's a we could, we could go down that road.
36:43
Rebecca: I mean for me the context of spirituality, like I'm a very spiritual person.
36:50
Cassandra: Okay.
36:50
Rebecca: I may or may not be like the difference between spirituality and religion is different, but wellness for me I mean it could be health, the wellness of your physical body, the wellness of your mind, the wellness of your emotions, the wellness of your you know emotional heart, the wellness of your energy, the wellness of your spirit, your connection, connection to the universe, however that translates to you, whether that's through God or science or whatever it is.
37:19
Rebecca: So I mean, yes, spirituality would be connected in that, in just one of the layers, but wellness to me would actually be like the wellness of any one of those things.
37:32
Rebecca: It's like a more holistic way of seeing it even though that word is used so much.
37:37
Rebecca: You know, wellness and holistic are used a lot these days.
37:40
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking.
37:43
Cassandra: It's just not physical, it's the emotional, the mental, the soul, the spirit, and all of that is the whole, the holistic thing.
37:52
Cassandra: You can't have one without the other, but you can.
37:54
Rebecca: Right, exactly, exactly, exactly.
37:57
Rebecca: And spirituality, it's like you know.
38:00
Rebecca: As human beings, I believe we're here to grow at whatever that means, and we feel like we're fulfilled when we're making progress when we're connected.
38:10
Rebecca: We are, you know, emotional beings that have a deep desire to belong and connect.
38:15
Rebecca: So spirituality is one way that we can feel that connection, even, you know, in sporting events.
38:21
Rebecca: It might not seem like a spiritual thing, but the sporting events, like you know, a football game or something everybody is like, they're one like this is our team, we just scored.
38:31
Rebecca: Turn to your neighbor and you cheers, you know right.
38:34
Rebecca: So, it can come in many forms.
38:37
Cassandra: That's right.
38:37
Cassandra: That's right, I agree, good, good.
38:40
Cassandra: So, rebecca, how can my listeners get in touch with you?
38:46
Rebecca: Well, if your listeners like podcasts which I'm sure they do, since you're listening to one right now my podcast is Inner Critic Freedom, and actually I have.
38:55
Rebecca: I believe episode 112 is one right now, my podcast is inner critic freedom, um, and actually I have.
38:57
Rebecca: I believe episode 112 is one on emotions.
39:00
Rebecca: It's like called the emotion guide, I think, if I'm remembering that number correctly.
39:04
Rebecca: Um, so that might be a nice followup episode to what we just discussed.
39:09
Rebecca: But I'm also on Instagram, rebecca Doering meditation and I.
39:16
Rebecca: My website is deeprootedblisscom, and there you can find all the all the ways to work with me.
39:23
Cassandra: Okay, deeprootedcom, I like that.
39:25
Cassandra: Yeah Well, rebecca, I'd like to thank you for your insight, your wisdom, what I say, you just gave a lot of nuggets and I am certain that my listeners got something from this podcast.
39:42
Cassandra: And I also want to tell my listeners, if, in fact, there is that you saw value in this podcast, I ask you to please share it with someone that you know, someone that you believe that will benefit from their best interest, having their best interest at heart.
39:59
Cassandra: So again, rebecca, thank you so much, and I always tell my listeners bye.
40:04
Cassandra: For now, I never say goodbye because I believe I'm going to see them again.
40:08
Cassandra: So again, thank you so much, thank you so much.